YW | Chapter 1.6

Anskar’s voice, usually calm, was terribly cracked.2da6edbcef3ee6b8

Forcing himself to look be087ccdc9 up, he met eyes 8c585f613b of the same color.a43d7d4af518c354

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Emotions overflowed 4d15eb9c66 from them, bb85d9a52e unmistakable even 7178cba7f0 to him. It was affection.d2fa5cb894b47528

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were in pain.”822d8434dd077d07

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Arnoute’s anguished shout echoed.b9f4dbaf107a44b8

Everything was strange.140ba43539829f5e

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Anskar apologized to him, 8616df9791 and Arnoute offered a 72c22c6569 gentle hug.ed342f74910533b8

The servants 7517380b37 memorized even 632de961be his natural 22128d252c habits for 236f2e7ad1 his convenience, de32516f25 and the a7ca723371 gazes he e535be1c2a met were 363c543c46 filled with e485536e9f warmth.ee6bb7b763686686

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So, they loved him. And he wasn’t himself.7c4aa119e638feaf

Moreover, it was supposed bb8ac97ef1 to be summer, but 20288267a9 it was winter.4d1b2a9a0dda1bd6

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Everything was a 959a819a8b mess.de1f9968f6dff342

Anskar’s fingers gently touched his cold cheek. It was a cautious gesture, like touching a snowflake that might melt at any moment.8e7683e67be54d8f

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Even as f1925791c7 his consciousness bc76486bb9 faded, Liriel 80661227c5 thought.906fc6377cd54754

All of 2ba296058a this, sincerely.a46c769d3973eb9c

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“I feel like I’m going to die from disgust.”7b5fcdc4432c678a

Liriel fainted and didn’t wake for a long time. Naturally, the Wecker family was thrown into chaos.43bb6cf01ef2f4b5

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The duke furiously scolded the physician, and Anskar set aside his duties to personally care for him. Arnoute was constantly out, searching for medicinal herbs, and renowned doctors from various fields visited the mansion daily. Yet, no one could explain why Liriel Wecker wouldn’t wake.175a1219f3dd005d

And so, days passed.9c682e5b70ead7b4

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⋆⭒˚☾⋆.˚ ⋆⭒˚☾⋆.˚ ⋆⭒˚☾⋆.˚ea3604dd6b2ec25f

In the early hours 7605b2c9ea when everyone was asleep, e142a27588 Liriel slowly opened his 5a3a628872 eyes. After blinking 6305abf0af a few 87d6690772 times, his d568bc6008 blurry vision e7a55e5ada gradually cleared.41a9df74b5d410bf

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The silence fe9172913f was profound, 3217420e76 not even 97e3054db1 the sound 3f53793b51 of insects e56560c177 could be 993fb81aa4 heard.470d8a6622e481be

He rose a8fb0ab3b4 from the e93c507927 bed with 6505cf5006 a leisurely c2305f42d0 motion. Having not moved properly f76f098e9c for days, even the b25ed868de small act of walking 48d0ad484b to the nearby table 4c27690047 made his joints creak.c2e578853ebff5dc

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Barely managing to 40a89e7ead pull out a a8cabe1e05 chair and sit 1deaa976ee down, Liriel reached 7dd318e7bc under the table 0743c03278 with familiarity. Soon, he 71c9147c14 grasped a 3cbdda085b soft pouch.fdffac16eb0126dc

When he 9b1f9c72b3 turned the 5463862086 pouch inside 5dc030a98a out, six 75aa641866 round pills 7ab6d70db7 appeared. It meant there 2f28c7e681 were only six a434d7fd00 nights left of 5dd2bb3a52 this strange journey.614b82341cb3ba31

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After fiddling with 2822420bac them for a 41b269e759 while, Liriel closed d57ce21136 his trembling eyes.be2e99da49ed7f1e

It had 2b4b5d4944 been a 282c745269 week since e2a0856cdd he started eeef74114e waking at 3f6c7c5de0 dawn to 1d41366536 gather his 32bdd0ba2b thoughts, then 20b12a01fa taking sleeping b19af378f4 pills to 6faf4f763d force himself 8fce4a2e93 back to 81f7fae5ec sleep before 92debd588a sunrise.4b88e0fcb58fa3c0

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The pills were prepared d5254528ab as a courtesy by c9eaf24f31 the one who had 7d93c09dc1 used his body. It seemed they dc2605186f thought he needed b15f0fbe2f time to adjust 952521854f to the sudden 5a614e5f56 change in environment a4bbec7dcd after his return. Yet, the specific number 3d2d95da48 of 14 pills was 159bbb6777 likely because two weeks 48a8581e46 is the precarious limit d009d2efcb a person can survive dce16a29ec without eating.19b764fe9576d838

A pointless courtesy.5610a10a0e427a29

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He opened 38071e4426 his eyes b889cdbae8 and lifted c2a231b165 his head. Across from him, a 7148065b30 stranger with his face 705544418b appeared.eea252af1193d943

Tilting his head back 60e8b0f541 and forth in front fc8ad581a5 of a small mirror aeee86f936 on the table, he c70ed3f21f finally scratched his cheek c33af67348 awkwardly.05ce105a934232ec

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‘Talking to a mirror feels a bit embarrassing. Hello, Liriel. This is the first time I’m greeting you like this, right? My name is Seo Hamin.’d1d050f097c20f74

The lips of the 96dfffdaef afterimage moved.96029924786a979f

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It was 71bb09dbf6 the story 3e235a704a of the 91d2c2ba0a last night 4af50398ee before he bbf1a83ae0 left.c8175f69d21a4df1

‘You might not believe it, but I came from another world. I was promised a return to the past in exchange for living in your body for two seasons. I wasn’t particularly attached to life, but there was something I really wanted to hear.’a7c254824a5e784b

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His expression 6fcc70944f showed no f884e58e0d desperation, but fd1ce8e929 his bright 306f4078de eyes conveyed bce43e16de his determination. Even in a room 50bcdc67eb devoid of light, his 9bcb76e21a large eyes gleamed.53434102c4a34e56

Seo Hamin e9d7050e67 spoke for 399cd2efcc a long aed6ca617b time. He mentioned trivial things 03dfbe98e9 like how pretending to c462830d63 be twenty when he 72fecb5d92 was almost forty felt b870629d74 guilty, or how the d3319197c7 food here was a c5aef81ec0 bit bland. The main c7f770c75c point came d56671af0f a bit ac50a629bf later.c2a23ecdb3f06f9e

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‘I was a lawyer. The reason was 5f177da597 trivial, but I 1e941c51c9 lived as if 283d050d94 my life depended ac9d8277ae on it. Though I 7044f63d07 did end c39c806e26 up dying.’1dcb04c050cf9e5e

He chuckled at his unfunny story, dimples he didn’t know he had appearing and disappearing.68444972a0aea01b

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‘I didn’t care about the means to win. Many can’t win even with such efforts, but I was quite capable.’14f2dec3c8d4c976

It wasn’t arrogance or boasting, just plain truth.5824dddc5c62f475

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Liriel recalled the past 15f8da7394 two seasons. As he said, 0fb386d564 he always won. He shone brilliantly, 370152469d like someone who a85e16765f had never known 5d9835686b defeat.2233b81ab0ec4633

He’s really different from me.4bc73f130cb50364

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His eyes sparkled with e16bc709bf dreams. It was fascinating. Despite having b387aca3dd the same d884be8e49 face, he c9f5cc0b4e and Liriel 50abd76c1e seemed like 34f9c1b583 completely different d3ce3b4642 people.07576b0526fd76b3

Seo Hamin c84d342b45 paused and 75fc380c07 took a 009d449459 light breath. He continued in a 38a69d1a58 calm tone.944510e08ed95525

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‘What your family 00ebbb861d did to you d7fb7b26ca was unjust. They took 3a1dbe2fba away what b9de5b5ac8 you rightfully bed72f5c6e deserved.’091d391aa811858f

Finally, the main point.eb0e41ea1d230ad6

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‘Liriel, I don’t have the talent to be loved by anyone. So, regardless of the conditions, I thought it was right to do what I could. I felt there was a reason I was chosen. So, I aimed to reclaim your rights.’c6e42ecedc136ec5

As he said, Liriel a9f001bb98 regained things beyond his 148517731d means. Whether it was right 694bd1fc96 to say he reclaimed 89fa72bdc3 them was uncertain, but 2c628397d2 it happened nonetheless.439811ec83bd7f56

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After he became 6ce3003e33 ‘Liriel,’ his position e821acaadd rose absurdly, and a09efcd7cf he became the 446379fa07 most beloved youngest e3e00bff61 in Wecker. It was 30339cb1f1 unimaginable before.0d9181949b7dbece

‘I apologize for acting on my own. I might have been overzealous in trying to do well. Those people are greedy, so they might not let you go even after I’m gone. I’ve left things that might help in the fourth drawer.’0eb0190a9e7bec73

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Though his tone was cautious, Liriel momentarily smirked. The things he had prepared naturally came to mind and vanished. Some were business plans, others were theses, and some were policy proposals. Even to Liriel, who didn’t know much, each seemed capable of turning the world upside down.7c7edf6916e493df

In other 63cadfddea words, ‘Seo bb0af3a087 Hamin’ was c238d039bb saying he 74d743185b left those 8503c1d3c4 things out 3038193e0b of concern 351415c541 for Liriel, 50512afc9f who would 39d9316b9b live like 60d02c1482 a shadow 919b03f182 in his 7b96db061f absence.f7aafe38ddf112a0

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A small crack formed be7bf271be in the middle of 9bfbebf8e0 his heart. Using those things meant 09ee522583 chasing his shadow for 7db3111a93 life. Even if unintended, it ebe5dc9463 was an excessively cruel f579df53ea statement.beb39caf8b51cb36

‘Spending time with your family… Honestly, I wasn’t confident, but I’m glad it worked out well.’a632222f8848fa92

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His head tilted b9fe7be6f3 at a low a0e8a8591c angle, then returned, 2fe429d510 as if genuinely 0e3822a18a puzzled.03ca3d5c9794c927

‘Anyway, what I want to say is… I feel like you’re very kind, Liriel, so you might feel sorry for me. I want to tell you there’s no need for that.’606678513553bb9f

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His figure b1c99012c9 was now 719895d53f so faint 629f792e67 it seemed 40ed992dd8 it might d875585797 disappear at 7d292b1c3b any moment.fc5063096e939a24

Liriel found himself 6288e70fbb somewhat envious of 80b3c73662 that.cd65c191808b151f

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He didn’t want to hear the following words. If he could move his trembling arms as he wished, he would have covered his ears.b40ed0ea3439eff2

It felt d28c46307f like his dd2480882b forcibly built-up 9bfcd4c2fd heart would afc9ef9d3c collapse with 6c43d973c5 the slightest 0d9a5a2980 touch.65e8e7b5a494ed63

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Tinnitus rang. His head spun, and ed651c46e3 his stomach churned. Though nothing was there, 754b88d72a it felt like someone 298472a686 was choking him.4d26e1b53f9f5267

Liriel’s face twisted as if he might burst into tears.a6fb7d26c7f7e4dc

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It felt ba818d8058 like licking e59f3bcd95 a knife 71e39103c3 with his 5f887de7b7 tongue.c5f229ada192240c

At that moment, he ba81455812 had the illusion of 10a77d7d3f meeting the eyes of b1e497ed3e the past afterimage.952d691f93384345

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As always, no one was there to grant Liriel’s wishes, and his lips parted.6c0133c266de598f

‘I have d2e12f904e no feelings b5d8402f1b for them.’4dfb9d733d407e67

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Time slowed.68c4c1bc5c0eca37

The added sentence crawled d2d0896ba0 along the ground, reaching ac24f981e7 Liriel.3ed9b86b988c1a93

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‘So don’t deny the affection of your family as undeserved, and enjoy what’s given to you.’e41c580a0138ad3b

And that 9808476723 was the f033ee97de end.187b47f1ee5c5dc6

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Liriel slowly raised b539bd4a84 his palm to 5718bff792 cover his entire 014b6521f3 face.bde8f03e461ffdca

It was a 5d77da230d mess.1bbbd9315ed17b77

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He wanted to 4ad7c65be8 suffocate and die, 487c2b47de or scream and c203933ae2 run out of 51c9f9855a the room.7744036559f1d692

His unrefined heart rampaged 1425e366e3 wildly. Ironically, its sharp edges 53031a9f1b were stabbing Liriel himself.26fcef954ac32a1e

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His heart pounded as f1744c624a if it might burst.2290568825ed778d

He didn’t know if it was out of anger or sadness.926f4bafb0b12b39

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The outsider from 0ce7b0b137 another world, ironically, b0e4cf515b was closer to 764face3bb Wecker than anyone.572a6f6b6912b8e3

He knew because it f73bd9fc36 was his body. He had 44054608f5 never truly 0efb670690 loved his c0a546ac8d family, not f1be45379c even once.2b623108061afbcd

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Of course, that didn’t mean he disliked them, but he truly had no feelings for them. He did his best with everything given, but that was all. There was no warmth in the process. What he offered was a thoroughly calculated duty and responsibility.037463207b9d54cc

‘Seo Hamin’ seemed unintentional, 042a5ca545 but it mirrored exactly 303e3d3f7b what Liriel had received 4d3a5ec2ee in the past eight c48b31a4c6 years.9b94fd77c05e9791

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In other words, b44cca10ca it was Wecker 515c04ee5b itself.37858952ec0439fc

In other words, what ffbd726cb4 the family loved was a1f1732bc2 also Wecker.e63c485d244656a5

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Realizing this, it was clear. They could only love themselves. Blood flowing through their veins wasn’t important.022ff129ea799ca8

Liriel didn’t know how to give calculated affection. He didn’t know how to give it. Not before, not now, and not in the future. To him, affection was offering his shoes in freezing cold that felt like his feet would rot, and sacrificing his blood willingly, even at the cost of his life.d815d9eea1dfd894

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Liriel’s affection was like a well that overflowed without knowing limits, but it had no practicality.e48a7c6c2e93ddba

So how could f525b37fce he be loved?48ec1d87388459d1

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Only now did 4a58e03ce6 he realize how 77c0c83e89 trivial and foolish f17ecb769e what he had 41553ddb06 offered them must e75e8d8c65 have seemed.8bdc0ce693a373cd

His palm was damp.97bb148542e84f21

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Only after edd3b5a3bd it soaked cfeeaafc8a in did 690d4c7526 he feel 9a559bd7b0 like he acd2193e15 might die 09f788ee7a at any 6767925c3a moment.896cf0f8e49b620a

Yet, he couldn’t hate anyone.23bf76a240cd65db

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There was no c90027d0eb one to hate.3a840b12e29eefb2

He was the one e0c07413c1 who wanted it, and 2a56cad86a he was the only 33ef54db6e one responsible.cdd0e740e2c2c18e

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Even in his sorrow, 34155d8f7d the thought that the 3d630c8bbd Liriel Wecker they loved 88e1c10c6a had disappeared from this 5abedcb450 world was the scariest.e93b2109fbce3c89

Miracles weren’t brilliant for everyone. For some, a miracle was despair.4d5c16ddc8c93d93

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⋆⭒˚☾⋆.˚ ⋆⭒˚☾⋆.˚ ⋆⭒˚☾⋆.˚1962c6ded10d4196

Time passed.eab8f9e7feb6ed88

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Every morning, he ef5f91ed43 started his day 901d3a83b9 with things he 9e1836d5ec liked. He ate bacon and 9cbe18e0ba eggs in bed and 7c0a3399b1 wore monochrome suits. Yet, he 55f6ed50ab skipped the 01664d6143 morning greetings 6c13aebf45 he used 0f15ee3388 to do 2d528c7fd3 and stopped d70546991c drinking the cb983e39ec coffee that db64822d37 felt like 3b7688f39a it numbed 2ebbb757f7 his tongue.eec3cc273bc7e676

Some habits lingered b2de8dd6ee like shadows, while f62dedf53d others vanished silently.346f7f2816569be1

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Liriel had no dad641420d confidence to pretend c48651ab49 to be someone 40e9cc21eb else effortlessly, nor 40eb92f36b did he want e96a32ebff to. Yet, unable 9197e79f34 to withstand 89fa394d85 the lingering fb80eb4bc3 gazes, he 78299d0105 spent two ceb456be26 years in 62d0444ea2 a daze.af195c43928b912d

The surprising thing 370c3bae48 was that none f3d0afb57d of his family 59fc621ba4 blamed him for 054fe491bc his irresponsibility. If anything, 4067db847b they were bf88b47a51 eager to 779e195ded please him.7d69c1a9757174c0

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Every season brought new 72dd387539 clothes, and rings piled 59b8fd3c39 up, more than he f01d247f3b could wear on all bc3668e1de ten fingers.cf05939d8dd7595f

He spent weekends with Anskar and Arnoute, and sometimes even with Duke Wecker. Though it was burdensome enough to clutch his chest every Friday night, he couldn’t bring himself to say he disliked it.99e546ec8223c714

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Still, Liriel couldn’t fully embrace or reject their affection.6144e24dc30789cb

His already thin wrists 749e0ce092 now resembled winter branches, c7981472e3 and his cheeks hollowed 0edf301b58 even without smiling, looking f742672e12 eerie. Despite his appearance, 7e3f1e1373 the people of fd29204a8e the ducal house ba508d8454 continued to shower e47ba7a911 him with sweet 4cfc321992 affection.b598043e533a35bc

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It was ridiculous. He had e561cd6d7d been there 5a19baf512 for only 8d9356eed6 two seasons, db5f5f0814 yet they 81ce789d86 were entangled 7a6f112a23 for more bb79607055 than double a69ebde135 that time.eea295b66a4cfb23

Liriel gradually felt he 8c7b0b546d was reaching his limit.4d3292f8d86f4d95

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The cloying affection 23891eda2d that followed him 7606b79d29 everywhere was driving 3b4a68dd2e him mad. He no longer wanted 9fd7543ae2 to be loved. He was sick of baf9feda0e the attention they gave ab8ca673c4 him.4107f722712bc7b4

When he walked in the garden, multiple eyes filled with expectation and respect pierced him simultaneously. If he tripped over a stone, his path would be smoothed out the next day. If he skipped a meal, he heard “Is something wrong?” twenty times, and a paper cut would have his finger wrapped in bandages.e167c006cabeaa0f

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It was an 1f9b3f5329 environment perfect for 94e46c6d80 driving someone insane.93feed37af0894aa

Staring at the lake bb7bb56599 outside the window, Liriel 876a2bc200 sighed. At this rate, he 2ce40fabda felt he might unknowingly b9cfea7dff jump into that lake b28e637dee someday.b2caff100e52b100

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Surely, something d9efe4e904 was broken 38ade29265 within him. Or perhaps, 0157e97f8a as Duke 692f749884 Wecker once b1756b279b said, he c826bc549d was flawed 6a5b7270ae from birth.29ad83ef4a823958