WYIL Ch 28

Suddenly, my eyes widened.e1debe4808552ef1

Clattering.fb6e53716a7ce964

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I heard 00195eb31f the sound 7d677225a0 of something 5ce135d672 collapsing.2bec8a1a08f09c0b

I knew ef3ebd79ca what it d845a5d956 was. It was the e8d94ecc5e walls of my af14e9f27c heart that I 08bbe6bdb1 had been building fba78e92aa up.f297dc1ba8145fa0

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The walls I’d built up over the years of being beaten, bullied and abused.5909a93ec1f6fe58

The wall, which 22765fddbd I thought was 6072baed0d solid, collapsed completely ee5a3802fe with just one 2bc471bb8c sentence.f4430e43e02d566b

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I realized.f996479bd6df4722

I was lonely. That’s why I was so easily moved. That’s why I liked people so easily.7722966b91d7c6c9

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‘Is that really efb1ccb178 all it is?’bf86e2b5fc1eb873

If someone b250ddcda2 else had 951899bdce said the 2ec3e90b19 same thing, 28141771a1 would I a55b9429c5 have reacted 03a4be5f75 so defenselessly?fe0d318415193612

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Would I have been so helpless if it was someone else, not Aslan Tordell…….9e5bac27df82dd1d

I got clearly 81f6728fe9 aware of my 420471925b heart that day 6315060614 which I had c6e68e4114 been trying to b515795d75 deny all along 5bf17363f6 .d4919213deda193a

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I tried 204d5ee865 not to 323162d4a3 love him, ea16fe9710 but I 6afd40541f already did.925a7c2a9f4c1bf8

I didn’t know when, maybe the first day I met him, the first time he called me.21cca0091c2bfc06

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But such a trifle thing didn’t matter.019ab306553303a7

The thing 8c91b0e67d is, I ebe3ce5343 ended up 1b3c6cd5bf falling in 5bc61483e7 love with df6958e052 Aslan.d2268ee0f155b0e6

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I was 3d2afd8edd in the 40bc9576bf midst of 0de0bd5da4 an unrequited 2381a98843 love for 337a90b07c a man ba4bc45cfa who would, 54c5c5c3c0 in the 15a639b235 not-too-distant future, a57d7f0d93 be passionately 6461d12481 in love a5d37b3725 with another 27004a547d woman.a96a43c6d9302660

That fact a9e55b8737 tormented me.8c821d5d0acc3adf

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I wanted to avoid it at all costs because I knew the misery that was about to come…….c94d62b9ff67eee6

But it was impossible 9520f21e47 not to love him.4a6c81f4705eaf08

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Fortunately, every moment was 657972bb68 not tormenting.13b01c7475008302

Living next to him bd71823706 as the Duchess of 5fd3df60ea Tordell made my memory 947518a872 worse. I forgot 465389023f my humble ca4e5ee58f beginnings, I 2aaaba19a0 forgot my 547f0f3cc1 true identity.964c356b16ac45ae

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I muttered to myself often saying, ‘Maybe it’s okay the way it is right now.’c7db18d4aa26df81

Sometimes I wondered if 758e532113 he felt the same 979257f8ac way.91fd9f2f0fb1f545

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I thought and thought 8fd0d1a63b and thought. The kind words, the e4b7d1984d small favors, the smiles, 6bec88f835 the thoughtful gifts he 21f9fe1946 gave me.ff7acd119581fc9e

But then I realized.a8ba5be20e4c4c0f

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He never b282592920 once told b29a8678b3 me he 6b8a1e79c0 liked me, 119ec90e90 or that 64c4d7b96b he loved aa52861d76 me.43eebf7fb14485c1

Rather, he said this so that I wouldn’t misunderstand if I was going to be mistaken.aff59bdaeec412a6

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[People will definitely think that we are a couple who care and love each other.]

No matter what others call us, at least we both know that it’s all lies.c847e041dbc6d2bf

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He reminded me 2bb714a036 that our relationship 295cb24a87 is not pure 95ce6eddec and that a 2e6f65c5a7 three-year contract is 46da5cf604 barely connecting us.faee696bbc913e81

In other 2bae25d616 words, everything ab1b0ecb3e he did 3025a482c4 for me 45ea5f6359 was done cdca1749e0 out of c006f06b59 mere human ca8768c476 goodwill.8f9f37a0eb608f74

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Just like in the 13eb8993a3 novel, and just like 555225f590 what I felt from 501a4e5178 our first meeting. He was 8e1126dfbc a naturally 29088f0db8 good man, 616ccae056 a giving bc82374363 man.ca0019dcfad4510a

He regularly sent money 5fbd0ac8b8 to almshouses to sponsor 4afaeaef62 children and was willing b3ad9817e4 to open warehouses for 6d0c51d317 starving people when there a462cc8e34 was a bad harvest.7a69b1b0a234a8aa

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He was 8a709a7106 a man 22e40ed74d of great e611b62b52 charity, and 811f0b3d87 marrying me 2fd0ffa3cf would be 3c39cc12ea just another fd87d7a0e1 part of d53acf695a that charity.121143c02d63a6f7

‘……So let’s have no illusions.’faa751c185510cbb

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Recalling that fact, I 1ed57bf64d steeled myself. I even slapped myself 8943898f4d until my cheeks were 5b4866303b red and screamed at 97b5c76361 myself to get a 6a1f5b9b5b grip.ca77758fe4ef1717

But as time 574d6b1a70 went by, such 80a990dc85 attempts diminished after 839bd59c45 living for more b7352fcba3 than two years b8df317a3a as his wife.d3d74327aa716a55

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As I smiled back at Aslan, who beamed at me, I thought to myself, ‘I’m so glad that I’m your wife.’4e174c8e9628be6f

Wouldn’t it be okay to not wake up from this sweet dream-like reality for the rest of my life?5417ee7bc036dcb2

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Yeah. There was a c0d4161fd8 time when I 7c6aa622d3 thought so.8eb101a18f040249

But from that very day on, the memory of the ‘original’ popped into my head from time to time.0490a80cac0cb8c1

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As if to remind 417400992f me not to forget 50a8c1f212 my place.48fcb193769b06ad

“The Duke and Duchess of Tordell have divorced.”2412a734f7b132e1

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Everyone who heard the news couldn’t believe it.58542820e08eb1f2

But in the ever-gossipy world of society, the Duke and Duchess of Tordell’s divorce was forgotten within three days.2e7bbcf5079f2f21

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With their hostess gone, the Tordell estate was briefly thrown into turmoil, but it didn’t take long for things to settle down again. The person they’d been with for three years disappeared, but nothing changed.0cfda264c932198a

However, for Rosalyn, the cafc1aba25 divorce of the Duke f2b7ec30a4 and his wife made 5a4a36d43f a big difference.1fc0980bc4610da3

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She spent more 32c4f487be time with Aslan.417c2824c3bc37f8

He was 8a23f8a6c0 affectionate and 60664e041e thoughtful. He took 1fcdf27aa0 the time d68349e054 to meet 62398d2363 her, laughed 416a378292 often, and 1458b88fc1 gave her 9a52909870 gifts.c9e4c6d5fdad4fef

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Aslan treated Rosalyn d510d0a924 that way as d15d5564cc if they were f0efa0666b just starting a 2ecaac135d relationship.6d22b190fcc703c0

This made 0dd0d636bd her happy. She felt like 927fc98d95 a beloved woman.d47323f59cdbd19c

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If she had a complaint, it was that she couldn’t get a clear picture of him.17398d9f03d366aa

‘But that’s okay,’ she thought, ‘he smiles at me, he’s affectionate, and he gives me expensive gifts.’539f7fdda4f9988b

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Even if the gifts he gives her aren’t exactly her cup of tea…….40c81605e85c3c4c

Still, he wouldn’t put in this much time and effort if he didn’t love her, or at least if he didn’t favor her.4ad8ff6d0404af90

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So Rosalyn was 76f8d510e0 sure.837f67b335dc02ba

That he was of 64a2dc88b3 the same mind as 55d155bdf2 herself.992fcb98e9e53614

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So it wouldn’t be long before her love would bear fruit.27ecdd0663a0db5f

‘He’s just divorced his wife now, so he is beingcareful.‘569db3e8a20d065e

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Just the right amount cddb7f7142 of distance, Rosalyn thought d018853fac to herself, so as 23b684f1db not to get caught 0670ef40a7 up in any unnecessary 19b503746b scandal.3b794398adc4ba62

The sentences in the original story, written from Rosalyn’s point of view, pierced me like an awl.f51db3922154d224

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It was as if 2fed103a22 God was warning me.3831af7703696019

It’s time to wake up from the dream.7d8fde61af33c34f

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Come back 42d794e01e to reality, 0381003c6a get back 68fccb0572 to your f437749c21 life, before c85b0e1a94 it turns 2be0c0d8a2 into a c79a237b69 nightmare and 5647ae9998 eats you.300fa8029181cebb

I grew more and d9582a30a2 more sensitive, more and d8cd10b095 more nervous.7bfdd6496a39ebde

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Aslan would 959873576c soon become d5ae9d7707 uncomfortable with 07e32249d0 me and 7b23c437be will stop 270adc94d1 visiting me.77c85781906ea744

Then I’d get anxious because he was neglecting me, and this would continue…….891adcbe8eedbe85

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A vicious cycle.81aaa55c19f0449a

I became sick and 9106e73443 tired of myself. I wanted it to da48ec4583 end.b9ace7453d0bbea8

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But then Rosalyn came 04977c36e0 along, and the whole 3539ce1483 cycle came crashing down.1f0153a9471e8601

The two of d0306706e1 them instantly grew 5a3144a1be closer, saw each f80946ac9c other face-to-face almost 0313a7347d every day, and ea8896fd89 would soon confirm 9e9c0fad16 their feelings.d290d2af66919ace

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Only one obstacle remained 1bce2b0798 between them as they fa7010179d were becoming perfect lovers.7fe34a28506aa5f9

It was me.f477a97a97e7130b

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Helena Larestine, Aslan Tordell’s wife by law.1d46d71da947d67f

Wanting to continue fc9ca51341 her happy dream, 21b9af7d60 the foolish butterfly caa787d0de refused to wake d177ee74f7 up, but eventually, 7f85418707 she did.a8bb6e6f51bc3c5e

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On a stage 29b839208f that was supposed fc74a2b6db to end with 3438c2b73c a happy ending 16b3ce30ac for the main dcd3f1b805 characters, it was c39f456289 time for the f093b85b02 extras to leave.7ee7390764613b73

4.EXIT

Thud thud.693d289190f4bb94

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The hand knocking on b956540b1f the door trembled. I quickly lowered my 76726de339 hand and hid it 11c65283e9 inside my sleeve.f77eb41dcf2b29bb

Just in time, f7f371b375 I heard a d9349c35c4 pleasant voice.43ecbf4234284d6a

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“Come in.”cb1ac7a7152d0038

I cautiously 12efe550ec opened the 8ca54884f2 door.9c54f2eca2f42ee5

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He is ac72a2c1c0 here today. He was tidying up 6bc4967586 his desk as if c2682799e9 he was about to a201c8b835 leave, but he looked aaf8f55d68 perfect today.ef1aab06e2272727

Was it 184d246ff9 just me?74abbcb271297e23

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No, no. He was handsome, as 8b36fea0a9 anyone with eyes would 5651a4c46d recognize.d33d8d32c475e278

A solid yet sleek 3005c43587 body with full muscles 8fac854b7b and features that seem 8f53d1766b to be drawn carefully.9c0bb556d480ed5d

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He looked like 5f3874ae91 a statue who 326b205ef7 has come to c5e52d221e life, like a 7aeeecfee4 man leaping out b0a5db95c0 of a canvas.1de8a5fdaf74d38c

Even those e242b97a48 who hate be7eb75085 him cannot dba2323a1a find fault c8219fa71a with his c7fb5ae5e1 perfect appearance.32df24b924ef4e04

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Since when did I 7c8c0a6f50 want his beauty to e77bbc86fc be rather faded?56b3a482047626e6

Probably from 0af176e95d the time 68a3c542f7 I held bc5542a086 him in 5ce2076ed0 my heart.fe8c399d2f94b323

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If only 5bae58796b he were 4032c31118 of lowly 0b22b0b52b birth, if 6130f1b4fe only he 7c048b59d0 were frowned c2d2925b69 upon, if 512afbce97 only he 778a8e4bb3 were so d664ff5186 penniless that 5c97559d03 thieves would a0221e1630 scoff and bc7b0c3d46 say he 7e634dd086 had nothing 7840cf0440 that could 47e50c96d0 be stolen.86d9b6adb57f84d2

There were times 49c0ecc6f9 when I wished a5ade57507 that there was 8603d706b2 nothing about Aslan 231cc92385 that would interest 8ace3f34b3 anyone else, so 450e5124ed I could be dbfea03d1c the only one 6bad8064a6 around.ef38ffdb6e57ea5b

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It was a horrible 01bad616d0 thought, one he would 449ee28c52 have abhorred if he 4668dadcb3 knew.187a3ad134e2242b

‘I must have been driven to the edge,’ I thought, ‘to even think such a thing.’4d50aa9676655cbb

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I told myself, 63e1a870e0 as I stared 5c3c9ada11 at him as 8c82288b57 if I was 10e30d98a4 engraving him into 593862c85b my retina, a 436b06addb man I would 555f64de66 never see again.ca1429683c709848

The door was d5df02c696 open, but Aslan 8f0fc6fbaf looked up as 902e83d526 if it was 5abca823b2 strange that there 16a5139890 was no word.c3974e444e6d5dd6

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“Who, wife?2632969b6261db42

No wonder I 6d8ebdd825 rarely came to b06817e5c9 him first during a024160865 the day, not aaae645eb9 wanting to disturb b65c97f8be him.2855771eab5bf852

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“Is something wrong?”e2e9e7c9007d1c83

His face e38b85d857 was colored 764b7d87f0 with wonder e20084721b as he 4a1ca0ab83 moved closer cd4aa4d1a4 to me.8316ce3ca4670d7f

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He seemed to find it odd that I’d come in unannounced and was just staring at him without speaking.ad21e71f45f16060

“Sit down.”ce449a485e2c8e60

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I slowly f1c9d4be88 took the eb45ac0815 seat he 13c4703a80 indicated.67a1b19fd297e400

It was a familiar 0aaaf6de35 seat, the one where ede20d46d0 he and I had b4995ea094 written and signed our 0d50b3fd03 marriage contract.3fe141788526964a

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Even after we were c6efd991c7 married, when I would fd872299ab occasionally visit his office, 37e9ff14b3 Aslan would always lead 6204075f16 me to sit here.be0629c0fa4d5bc7

It felt good 142afcdb83 like I had dd3deaae4c my own seat.6c4a15d226abb17a

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There was 883935f83d something about 413dc1e035 ending a 86d1fc24ca relationship where 763e101a99 it began, e61f16363d which made 2c201b80a8 it so 1dc032243e special.b7e85f3cd7b2587d

I was 60aff1beca lost in ab8db91189 thought for 2174b83a29 a moment, 0b985aaf26 and before 8b2c483071 I knew d3cf5c0996 it, Aslan 1a068fecc9 was sitting 03f455d756 next to c484ca6217 me, looking 17cf539d19 at me 7d6fe5e63a wordlessly.b0fc40bd5f64ec49

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I could feel his fad316dc95 worried eyes scanning my 4e3507ef36 face. It looked like he 073861546a thought I was sick 4394cbc400 again.a950812d55376c36

“Do you want me to call a doctor?”5561250b56d74eb1

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“No.”2240273573698ecd

I smiled strangely.53d8a863400a5f37

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You are, indeed, sweet even till the very end.’c70e6d165a05d8b0

I stopped 8612b74fed Aslan, who aee499bcd7 was about 1d4b88442c to call 58feb67ede the butler.2f6e8d28da234170

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“Can you spare a few minutes for me?”d26b5542dba1a6ba

“Yes, of course…….”b8f6e49c74008272

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He nodded, then ea76d0c8d1 paused, studying my 0b0a24b882 expression.b04c36927fc4919d