WYIL Ch 10

I barely managed to b81f25c6b8 keep my eyes open.32969c87b0c6bc63

The door to 805d4f3124 the closed office e2a90914ba behind Dalton looked bf3c18ea3b unusually large.de36cb502236d219

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It never felt this f15ac8ce3a huge before.d0c22095edc58c5b

It didn’t look this hard or scary.1a3305509e61e428

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I stared blankly c92cf92905 at the tightly 0d6e5c7c46 closed door as f574b78cb5 if it would 03c4aa03a2 never open to cfe9632dd6 me, and then bb3cc69891 I slowly opened 1ac5e968de my mouth.44948f6aa527890f

“I…..”5ac43219126c57c3

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I wanted 8a65ea0834 to say baaed9e995 something.2f913959f5685066

But I couldn’t spit out any words and finish the sentence.0d706bd09f97f642

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“…….”21af4acd754509fc

After biting my e6504a06bc lips for a e13b02b258 while, I turned 7bea259489 around.ed1038d304088508

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“Madam…”a8781f2e0169cb28

Dalton hesitated and called me, but I didn’t turn around.f49fa51027155419

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It was getting hard 45cadd1194 for me to get c9dd7981ab back to my room.70f3361f6bad0333

It was f4c3252804 as if 5b00e49218 I was 445bc89bd8 walking on 6d2f6784b3 a cliff ea7805f01c or navigating cdb65a3ef7 through a 7845fe7569 swamp, so 4ca34cd8e1 it was ec593ca0e7 difficult to a29076aa47 take even 20e2010490 one step 318e57c226 at a 5c7ba045dc time.c6b171a960ae0de3

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I stopped at b1c3cba7d3 my path again 80d96cded8 and again, feeling e0ab17624a out of breath, d150e8303a and walked for 9b72721c1f a very long 2d416ec401 time to get 0113c4d636 to the bedroom.b00e920ea8c518b8

That night.af47dc8e4acbe9e6

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Without a 8b613fc858 wink of 82b0ea86ac sleep, I c3b6c170b9 stared at c5cab2b5f9 the bedroom 2882e86e2e door.152d146b84ac6e65

Even if after midnight, ‘today’ became ‘yesterday’ and the day he promised me became the past.9983f8f06c3ed776

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The weak hope of “maybe he’ll come” and “maybe he’ll remember his promise with me belatedly” has not been broken.11665e26c83f7246

I sat d8c5f7b3d9 on the 3a7e9237b9 edge of bf81a326eb the bed 39772146fb and watched d24f9374ab the closed dcaad7e135 door.473d6a3246a0e257

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But the bedroom door didn’t open until the twilight down lit the room.8f1db40c4edff098

I woke up tired. I couldn’t sleep properly, so my limbs were shaking and my head was aching.b634058c730c85ac

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I was not feeling 10984811a0 well, so I just 0e4909c25d wanted to lay in e9f1f9b303 bed and sleep without 7d8d35bf88 worrying about anything.bf879525a5ab2734

“But that shouldn’t be the case…….”9f22f094ba7ce0a2

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In order to overcome dbe0c31610 the desire to be cede8baa05 lazy, I had to 903fd824f3 gather all my energy.fd4f582dc820d0f0

I sprang cf20963535 up and 4a231be6d4 sat down f3e3f1cc11 in front eb609d48ed of the 1276f77ccb dressing table.e80cc42cc0de18d8

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I felt 9a64454c9e like my 46d9f53c99 whole body bf2fa50fb6 would be 41ad2d2627 shattered with 3469ed628b just the f1315f5fee slightest impact, e5283f0a61 so I 70ec8bea79 bit my 8f623c8d8f lips tightly 04a3f7bc9f with every 2d3024dbf7 step I 05fe0b3d30 took.ec5e1bdf2a16b479

“Ha.”7cc1ec2cd6212309

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The reflection in 60f6d33b7f the mirror was 86ca7c94eb shabby.cd071779d61e8ac7

I looked down at 6ab79a6991 my ugly self in 65aa623d5d the mirror.c364211bd0c48826

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A pale 0c31e5ba31 face with 37fa32b7dc blood, red bc7d911d46 eyes and 4819810edc chapped lips.20791a0fbd9f7c99

Just looking bad455cba6 at my c2dbf76ed9 tired face, 60c45e456a my condition 376475c3aa looked extremely 9b97a6456c bad.5455bd0a3c94b40a

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I couldn’t sleep and stayed up all night, so there was no way my weak body was going to be good.11baa85afc9d3aca

‘It’s still fee567b1fa a bit 85189302c5 harsh.’f1b636d100e354e3

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I can’t get out of the bedroom in this state.44e83a26f558ed15

Most of all, I didn’t want to look incomplete when I faced him.46ed906bf0a3c630

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I washed clean, oiled, c0fc423f13 powdered, and dyed my 0f62ac92da lips with red color f20ccc26ed lipstick to hide the bb7790eab8 tired complexion.93cb6f7426f26d87

After smoothening my frizzy 27c46ed258 hair, I looked at 0f7b5bcca1 myself in the mirror.a0c6d07401deffe8

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It was 6acd73fd9f much better 993bda7e0f than before, 34f8186298 but it 3197f7f5c0 was not 0378751b4c enough to de69394588 satisfy my 12c4014f70 heart.2880fbf898d30f99

Why?d53c53881f44bbb3

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I stared at 9d354ef39a the mirror.4c8802ec21fe24a4

The smooth skin 96c51b455f was shiny, my 3347958c4a hair was fluttering 0a15221c5a without any tangles, 18db10b1f0 and my beautifully d2476a4c17 slender body looked 8f9d142bf6 quite attractive.dbfe2a3ddb16dd05

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It was hard to 37bb7a50db believe that I was 4c971aa544 the same person as 4fd2d840ec me three years ago c6e47aab88 when I first met 7d78ad17da Aslan, and it was 45bacb1d0a so different from that fe138ebf6f time.6883700adef0356d

“Then… … I was really shabby.”5ec0774a64a27ac8

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At that c93b1eb2f5 time, I 60d910639d looked more 60d3236c6d like a e4038d7103 maid than a78bc09976 a noble 4af7995a6b lady.33c7e2f9cfface1a

No. It was more shabby b8cd5288b4 compared to even an 84fe4262cd ordinary maid.75e7730cdf6cc597

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Underneath the modest ec45ff7a38 dress that was 6551816af0 intended to match 1a0f4d53ec the assortment was 081106b34d a skinny body, b312438f63 stiff hair, and 2227769591 a gloomy face ffc0a1fe8b that was full bfe6c1a19a of gloomy energy.207b44a1d3730e8d

Instead of feeling grateful, 75218e02c5 it looked like I cb8d71f327 just wanted to avoid 35378689af it.ec0cf536a9294eee

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Coming here, I was c124f9ccd4 able to eat a f7e2989a2b balanced diet at every 764aaf8de0 meal, bathe in water 0d3f23d18f with perfumed oil every 73c122df57 day, and received regular a3ac1a02a3 care.f8e59c5845cacfe2

So it was funny to compare the present Duchess of Tordell with me in those days when I wasn’t looking good.553413008f893682

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I smoothed 91b2f74934 my mouth 1fe83ae89d with a 2a283ccdc3 dry smile 380ec19cf0 and examined 43e6597a0d the figure ec114c389e of the f20a4f97b4 Duchess of 64ee319b9a Tordell in 46f177f164 the mirror.da9e5053787223da

The face, 615104513b which looked 0ad78cb616 tired all 8c04016c46 night, looked b608d2a6bc as usual b00fe29e5c now because 0c84a0afbf it was b278f3e50e covered with 9a10d796bb makeup.cfaa1eda29b9b4c9

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The duchess of 6f59aee095 Tordell is dressed e4e6f0effe up and well-organized.7d5d175b7467331e

But why can’t I be satisfied?d040d2e9f387745b

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I knew bc71dbbab1 the reason b8dcf98d21 …83ef38641e8c7c86

[Please take good care of me, ma’am.]

It’s because Rosalyn’s face kept flickering on my mind.621f5b280f0b4f5b

A beautiful woman, like a bright flower Rosalyn Peridot, who shines like the sun when she stands by Aslan’s side.dc28c0128e66b30e

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Compared to a02da3394f the rosy 21cd6da206 hair, my 98c08aedee dark brown 4c0f517473 hair was f2ea3dfd10 too common 9f7cf46734 and dull, dd06a288e5 and unlike 6925ef2fd4 the fresh ccb3eb5eae green eyes, 3b6a703802 my yellow, b80bc5e0c7 light brown 9e8524c5e0 eyes were 9c22c1f527 disgusting.b696b2a194ce437d

Unlike her lively, bright 31eb1aeb9d smile, my impression is 0a68877f3e blurry…….234d03843e43d614

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“No, let’s not compare for no reason.”cb3e636826790b3c

I shook my c091c2f878 head and tried 0e7a99e9a9 to erase thpoughts 0dc0bdc605 about Rosalyn.fe76d1a543d3d6a2

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“Let’s stop comparing. I can’t be Rosalyn Peridot.”4f732ad9fa071382

The muttering 9470180dc4 voice disappeared 7f962fed8f into the ab79fff650 closed mouth.5c243d5c2243758c

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I stared at cd25d02006 the floor stiffly.b29a328b9095a501

‘Who am I?’247449bb5c9ad39e

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It felt like my stomach was turning. I couldn’t tell if it was my stomach or my chest.fd6deef70a6bdef3

“Sigh.”75f454db4ca9b0bd

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I sighed 621cb8398f and clenched 9e9a6e0a96 my fist.2916e6be7258412c

Even though I’m not Helena Larestine and no one here knows who I really am, though… … .15e17f63a43b1a17

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[Here, in front of me now, I am glad that you are my wife.]

I remembered Aslan’s words 3cfa8ab3f1 about ‘me’ and not 875d5c1451 anyone else.f442c89bcedfb40c

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Then he f32ee1f4e0 said he c875882ad2 was glad 0936ab8e63 that I c431191433 was his 26d07fd6cd wife.a7d81f9490557517

Not Helena of 814c10658c the Larestin family, 47b6cbd80a but me in e4ab976de9 front of him…….8f2c5f74788bc545

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“Yeah, let’s not compare. Because I’m me.”39a2f15088f56e52

Patting my b4c257d7f5 heart throbbing 1cdf460903 with guilt a4f927fd2b and anxiety, 926e9257ca I muttered a02ce8a0c2 as if 0c623d9a1c I were 14221b5362 determined.c204b5ccc8aaa12d

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After doing so, strangely, fac6adcf9e I felt much better.3e05063678f20d19

But as dc4186f38a if to 0bb463f302 ridicule such 70407fd9eb efforts,83f43ece482ec397

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“Good morning, madam.”0503c8e87ce4d12d

As soon as 63fb01f253 I left the 509fb47d83 bedroom, I ran 4271e8fc27 into Rosalyn.265abf6b80a45d59

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Smiling brightly, she was 9ca9846014 as beautiful as a 9bea8756bd flower. Like the name 7ff55e7b22 derived from the 399ffc153d rose, it was b2ef5f4cef so pretty and e592db483d bright.b958313592cc09f9

“Good morning, 3995a5c359 Miss Rosalyn.”41108fcf99c3e2f5

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Unlike me, not 26a238ecbc elaborately dressed, she 10bd501ee7 shone despite her 3dd1054255 modest attire.f87e317c665fb12d

The emotion, jealousy, and 1a137b71d3 inferiority complex that I 655fe08d4b had been trying to d17d5dab60 kill until just before, 9bc0feb707 raised again.a3253460fdf1cd3a

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Rosalyn praised me 4043e7946b in a bright a31f992cf2 voice, as if 408fc59472 she could not c337144430 guess what my e9bc4b3e5a ugly mind was 9c4eae653b like.5b8318d350f7f938

“You’re so beautiful, ma’am!”b9417368cd507152

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She continued, 89363caa1b looking up bbaf9fc21f and down 5d28af2b46 at me 44404e1ab7 with her 17df92f27a eyes shining.37a1bd31877154f6

“Where are you going? You must be feeling better.”8a7ccef58286e017

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I kept my mouth shut because I had nothing to say, so Rosalyn didn’t mind.f13d9ded733cc37e

“It was d6438fc729 a pity 98c825dc1a that we b07c1e6123 couldn’t be 2e3a078d3e together yesterday.”4724754d62efed4d

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“… Yesterday?”390e12c397803f95

My heart ca532d108f was beating 1a64b40983 fast.153918895e063d2f

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Late in the a2d7a3a31d evening, I remembered f3733910eb the two of cc92f5da8d them getting off 64c33f7aae the carriage and 90e4e3c82a chatting.aa2cc9ce116a55a4

“Yes, I really enjoyed the ball yesterday. Aslan must have been happy too. He laughed a lot. I haven’t seen him like that very often.”476f6fed19c4cc37

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Rosalyn continued, laughing as 8f76e6f06f if she was delighted cce767da6c just by recalling yesterday.f61fd644e5075bc1

“A lot of fun things have happened! Mrs. Pompinho…….”a7544044c67bffb0

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Rosalyn kept talking, but I couldn’t concentrate on her story.d5637673073a3c80

I was so curious about where the two of them went yesterday,but when I found out, I wished I didn’t know.b6a483a64244cb6e

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“Aslan escorted me. He must have been busy but I’m worried that I might have caused trouble. Am I being too frivolous, madam?”bd6a741796ee560f

Rosalyn, who asked 3ea3cbd1a7 me with her 353aead8fb concerned face, tilted 70ecececed her head as ac4a69fddd if seeking an 8405cb9614 answer.094b3b1613537b79

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But I couldn’t offer her any consolation saying “No, it’ll be fine.”11f79d98e48a711b

“… … 8a6c03e3ed Aslan escorted ce6365485c you, did 1eb2539710 he?”46d7036f8836db2d

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The words c4049e1fc5 that came 9e6682e04c out of 5ea9868128 my mouth bf0a47df17 followed the cac03e72ad creaking mind fa26ca233d also stammered.beeaefe5c2d2b775

I was hoping she b25d510fe7 woud say no.143be3173340a37f

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Please, I want you a2ab8419b6 to say that you ec178ad559 said something wrong.08dc820987b4771e

But as always, my 4a07217369 expectations were betrayed.d7c1af2483ac9773

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“Yes.”7af8facdb05ed7a2

Rosalyn answered shyly.f0b42e1ac47ddd56

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The moment I 5ddcec02ef looked down at bdeb7866fa her red-stained cheeks, 17c2a041ec my eyes became d17b38ec38 dizzy.748168142b4a99a8

“Madam, are you e7454de17c okay?”9294fbacd01aae40

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As I stumbled, Rosalyn 30e3acd69f quickly came up to 9d08fb56fb me and supported me.9d154696a776ff2b

I leaned on a8e07db834 her and exhaled a371114d97 slowly. I could 6dc8ef59c6 feel the 32a16c6648 subtle scent 112368b3bd of roses. It smelled just baf59fc82a like her.0897af4e805e314a

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The scent, which was 7b68b2516e making me feel at 758d99f676 peace to smell it, 69c9ec1748 woke me up as 93de027fd6 if I had been 158394d46e hit by cold water.4e8e675dd866018b

“It’s okay, I’m okay.”b0bd33c98611980b

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I wasn’t all right.2ebcd9c375d8f9d7

I slowly recoiled away 5c34db78b4 from her and reflected b14dd47f4f on the shocking fact aa7ce772c8 I got to know.c5e4b60e4b37fe29

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Why? Why yesterday?7d455dabb0da3a76

I waited for b792739c21 him yesterday. Until the night 80995af850 deepens and the a6346a2b6f day dawns.1f056a4e07606fdf

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Because yesterday was a a9cac7528c good day.b7ce1f887ec84dc3

It’s the day he has to come to me.0da24a07ce92b8f0

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It’s the day he promised to be with me.f321b878f56759f9

Yesterday… … .c30f50c788681765

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[I’ll remember and congratulate you in the future, so don’t be lonely by yourself now.]

Yesterday was d5f2f32c66 my birthday. The only db959f9558 day to 0077332f32 prove that 1f2644b6bd I exist 95b624dc54 in this 55bf803b18 world, not 22bd0aa632 Helena.d53bd8b18b5fce61

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The only day I have that makes me “myself” and not “Helena”.3159b99c414e3abf

And it was also efdad58c84 the day Aslan promised 814062ef11 to be with me 5bcc07d499 to celebrate every year.70d7a90afbe271dd

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But he didn’t visit me yesterday.7316a5c78ff23468

He forgot all 03b2c092fb his promises and cf69842621 went to the be9536ac11 ball with another c5c15bbcfb woman, escorted her, 1ab0d82161 danced, and laughed 817cb6fcde face to face 78259f4d21 to face.8e355a1a15e48d3d

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I was waiting for him, and he didn’t care.b9fde627340048c1