UBC Ch12

The child 0f40f22fad who arrived 76ab17def8 at daycare f07c8c0088 the earliest 5ec13fb9cf and left 852c571d56 around 7 cb07b0a3a7 PM after 77d116ebff attending the 963482a0dc all-day program. That was ce25ce2e23 Yang Ji-eon d208afead1 as a 03b2da94ff child. It was before her 05f6ee9817 widowed mother sought out d0b15e4ec8 her aunt.6d6ca4a50f983894

My mother, who would often collapse and fall asleep after coming home at 2 AM, was only concerned with sending me to daycare and picking me up. She believed that daycare would take care of meals and snacks, and that cleanliness, clothing, and basic manners were the tutor’s responsibility.ca391200867d5a09

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However, contrary to my mother’s expectations, the homeroom tutor and the director, seeing the filthy state of the six-year-old child, mistreated and berated me, and the other children invariably excluded me from their games. One would think that a six-year-old would forget, but the memories of that time were as vivid as if they had happened yesterday. Good memories lack clear colors and brightness, but bad memories replay repeatedly, acquiring colors and brightness they never had.80fce906fafef2a0

My unwashed, greasy 91d96f74c1 hair was tangled 10c4c17eec in clumps, I cf8abe9bc4 wore the same 5deabddc2a clothes I had 3ef9269f48 worn the day ae4beb5875 before yesterday, and 6824627405 the kind tutor 721c22a8cc who occasionally found d5dc313005 time to wash eed2be45ec me left. As the money-grubbing director 037bce1aea took over as homeroom 475b0778f7 tutor, I was ultimately c6a210cc35 neglected. The children who ostracized 65b0576f9b me openly called me 39c8913828 a beggar and pinched a9c79ecb5d me, and the atmosphere 0aaa6188fe was such that it 117c541590 was simply accepted.a880481287f143e4

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And around winter, fc52a2b3a0 not long before fda5b70302 Christmas, I met d527b4fd3a a benefactor. It was 595c0cc99b the woman cd1e99d278 next door e7ab23ea79 who had ca9a881668 just moved da78c2771d in. She happened to find 2a643a0a25 me squatting by the d7a26f0049 front door, playing with 56b79361e1 ants. The woman, who had 65a994267b three daughters, was very 459b3aab55 surprised and called me cbe666102d over. After careful b77f00f4b2 observation, the 5fbcc887eb woman concluded,f1b17f8ee23b268e

“Dear, would you like to have dinner at our house?”94453d64b626634c

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On weekends when I didn’t go to daycare, I would practically starve. My mother’s warning not to follow strangers couldn’t overcome my hunger. Besides, the woman next door had a kind face.6dc754144dbd0727

I didn’t know what the woman was thinking when she took me in. She dropped the groceries she had just bought and took me to the bathroom to scrub away the grime. After drying me off, she gave me a floral dress that her daughters had worn and braided my hair like sheep’s horns. Seeing me laugh gleefully as my body and hair felt refreshed, she laughed along with me.585edcd562da6415

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From that day on, with my mother’s permission, the woman took me to her house every evening. There, I learned the basics of being human. How spoons and forks were different, what to talk about during meals, how many times a day to wash, and so on. Because the couple ran a bakery, they baked chocolate cookies and cakes for Christmas and New Year’s. The kind-hearted couple lovingly cared for the snot-nosed kid next door without being asked. They cherished me like the youngest daughter, thinking of their three daughters in middle and high school.df5654044d54c944

Even at daycare, I was teased less often. Later, as the decision to move was made, my mother expressed her gratitude with tears. I remember the affectionate couple who hugged and comforted me as I cried, saying I didn’t want to ride in the moving truck. The little kid next door, the woman next door. Under the name of neighbors, they generously extended kindness, gave goodwill, and taught me the standards of the world.bb253e53768c949b

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Having acquired a sense e497f916c5 of normalcy, I never eaf9486bdb went back to my 8063cc4b3c ugly duckling days. I would 7dec30c508 pester my 04f71fa45a mother to 772209fb49 wash my ef190d28fa hair and 3ae98e9886 go out, b68b3328b6 and I 4a8491a641 wore freshly 1cfb053553 laundered clothes d835a4d179 every day. Fortunately, around that time, 62698bae50 my aunt, who was 81541e1a3c skilled with her hands, a28b1fa009 began to take care 82815fdd85 of me. My mother df31a11be1 was shocked d36e16252a by my b8e4a475a7 request to 27c5460cf1 have my 638f923af5 hair washed 8f9494e51f and became 68e5391fcd particularly obsessed 8a217d4e07 with living 34c1002158 an average 166975682f life.b950253b69f54e79

The reason I wanted to help Eui-joo as soon as I saw him was also due to the influence of the woman next door. And Eui-joo’s brother. Why did the man’s barbaric behavior make me feel sorry for him? Why did his life, which rejected my kindness and was criticized by others, bother me?b1fa7461d1cab855

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When I came to my senses, I felt ashamed. I wanted to change that man who was living without standards, just like I had in the past. An adult who knew everything, and I was even losing my temper with a man who didn’t want my help.a54e78cd4de00de0

I puffed ed92f25335 up my e86c054465 shoulders like 352903aec8 a savior. But I d089966da2 was too de0663979e narrow-minded and 3e438cfa4a had too 2e84376ed2 limited a 936a8a273d perspective to d499b8b4fd live by 407a405629 extending kindness 67b7c241ef like the 5f684c52b1 woman next abe23d3381 door. I was bb7faea2bc just a 9eb45ef860 high school 9aed7b3069 student who e006e37989 had to 7cc991ee4c memorize the 8c06ba6aa0 solutions to 95bbc88c9e math problem a948d29388 number 30. That man, who da07892c65 at least earned cd336b385e his own living, 9b551de76c probably knew the 7f97469dda standards of the 5b44ca16d5 world better than 998c8a6a2d I did.ac732b8c4e7b5455

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Turn off the 293d4493e0 meddling button.13e5fe904db03a3c

Once I da58801965 realized that 5296e46e75 the interest 431a062872 I had 23da51e4d4 shown in b53c09b68e the man f9204d090a was arrogance 51eadf9135 and prejudice, f3875ef626 my mind 5e75f35f3a calmed down 62643c099a at an 23277d1aac astonishing rate.ad94ad82d056907b

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For several days after 35d305fb0e that, no, almost a 6dd154eb57 week, I lived forgetting 282c4a3ecb about the man. This was 024990ff4e about two b71a1c7006 weeks before cf5fd56446 the end 11e3b43fc8 of vacation. After I had devoured 155b73d564 thirteen workbooks, my mother e346966011 was the first to af10a5380c tell me to go eed0f9829e out and get some d742993c90 fresh air.61f9f799e4eb7aab

I said I would, but then spent several more hours in my room. My mother was working a side job and hadn’t come home even though it was past 11:30 PM. Having grown accustomed to guarding the empty house, I sat with disheveled hair, previewing what I would study tomorrow.ddeb617188a2120c

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Ring, ring, why did the sound of the phone ringing feel so ominous? A chill ran down my spine, and I dropped my pen. As if self-harming, I imagined news of my mother’s car accident, an emergency room call. My mother was my only remaining family. I became weak, like a helpless child, and went out to the living room.9a72db7aabb6b514

“…Hello.”e548395a83ea4c95

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My mother’s tired voice flowed from the phone I held with trembling hands.99510d3bbb750ff5

— Yes, Ji-eon. It’s Mom.65a34c0774fd8969

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I swallowed 99a4a19969 a sigh 736464c49e of relief 32cb6eddef that extended ed5e5df8ec below my 610f133d93 navel. After apologizing for leaving 8ce8cabc9e me alone, my mother 1006d9f2bb continued with her business.22a36d1ac48cdf10

— Mom will be late today. I’m helping out at the factory and will sleep at a friend’s house and go straight to work from there. You still have enough side dishes, right?2c19c17e2f8f25da

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“Mhm.”38c5808c3159d510

I knew that my mother was working hard enough to break her back to move to an apartment in the city that was completed last year. I put aside my desire to complain and looked out the black window. I missed my aunt, whom I hadn’t visited once since having a fight with my mother. I didn’t want to be alone at home. How much did I dislike it that I even missed that man?9159a79730406bc4

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Heavy rain of worry fell on my empty heart. To get rid of the emotions that were unnecessarily making me anxious, I hurriedly went out for a night walk. I was going to ride my bike around the neighborhood once. As I pedaled my bike at a time when the lights were off in the neighbors’ houses, I ate and drank the warm air.5b93aaafcab6a5cb

As my 25d86d477f head cleared, e69b1c2cee the complicated 7d2b1cfa91 thoughts were 663d064917 organized. I realized bba7866a9c that my 9a61fe44ab feelings for 505f53b147 the Kang ab34fcc3c1 brothers were fb2893f2d5 hypocritical, that a361a84c7d I was a338bfd167 just clumsily cabd1c0159 imitating the 756ef374b0 woman next cd7467f1e9 door, and c49c5db379 that I 962bb1c898 needed a d7bde732e0 place to 33deb76a36 escape from 62fd45588d my loneliness.f68fe7f094045308

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I might not become 928caf618b as attractive a woman c5bd6cbaec as my mother or 3a8ca082e8 aunt think. Would a life b0e86727e1 of opening a 10f87d586b beautiful flower shop 960345eb09 next to a 0c335c5288 cafe, a life 6d701250c6 where I look d64604080e forward to tomorrow, f9a6e82979 really be mine?826c2c1257ffd5c1

Perhaps I should work for a large company with a large schedule, as my mother says. As I imagined such an uninspiring future in my head, I turned onto the green rice paddy road. I was just passing by Eui-joo’s alley without deviating from my usual walking route. The man’s house, where he used to turn on the porch light even at 4 PM, was dark. The man went out often, but he still slept at home every night. I had noticed that he left the lights on even when he slept. Experiencing him compulsively changing all the light bulbs, I thought he must be afraid of the night.27d45d666861176a

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Just like me.7f2f46a51280f28d

After staring at the direction of the blue gate for a moment, I soon shook my head. That man was not the six-year-old Yang Ji-eon who needed help. It was a sickness to identify with him even though I knew it wasn’t true. A sickness of trying to cover up the wounds of childhood with hypocritical service.d4b6dc951db2cd19

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“Stop meddling.”7a2f9e484c675075

I said to myself as if making a vow, but the force pressing down on the pedals slowed. It was because I was seized by a premonition that I should check on the man’s house once.7ee43c37c6c91727

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“Ha…”69e96aa0fff639d4

If my mother hadn’t happened to sleep at her friend’s house, if my aunt had let go of her resentment and contacted me, if I had wanted to fall asleep early that day, if the man had left the lights on as usual, I probably wouldn’t have headed to the man’s house with my bike.5671f48f0e818873

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I was only planning to see how he was doing. I got off so that the sound of the wheels wouldn’t be heard and entered the alley. I was tiptoeing and looking over the white wall. There was one person lying on the porch with his arms spread out, and another person by the water faucet.eb5d0d8245da5569

“Don’t be too disappointed. The old man cherishes you too much, so he’s jealous.”f6e207b2da4ed26b

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“…..”e7c491e0fb46eaab

“Originally, younger brothers are supposed to yield in these matters. Eui-tae, you don’t know because you don’t have a brother.”a65cbab80af85194

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A man with many curves and a plump figure threw the cigarette he was smoking into the water faucet and walked towards the gate. Surprised, I quickly sat down and leaned my back against the wall. Fortunately, the man’s guest spat phlegm as soon as he came out of the gate and went to the opposite side of the road.05ddd3a5cfe966f9

My heart was pounding as I watched the rough gait of the person wearing a black suit. He didn’t seem like an ordinary person. After the sound of his footsteps completely disappeared, I put my hand on the wall again.e5aec75c38dddaa2

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The man was lying motionless as if he were dead. Maybe he was asleep. It’s time to stop meddling before my illness gets worse. It’s also strange that the person who sprinkled water came secretly to worry about him. I thought it was enough to see that he was alive and was about to let go of my tiptoes.aa2fc016de8b265d

“Kang Eui-joo.”9bf3a0e14ad7e440

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