TSCEIAB Ch. 22

 

<Yi-seo. It’s not your fault. I’m really okay. >

 

Hugo told me this in my hazy memory.

What was your voice like when you were a child? I couldn’t quite remember now.

 

<What happened that day was my fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. >

 

Those kind words still tore my heart. I tried to shake my head, but my body wouldn’t move, as if I was paralyzed.

 

<And that day, I…….>

 

I can hear him whisper through the phone in my ear.

I hadn’t heard the words that my younger selfish self, who only thought of my own pain, had cut off.

 

“…… Yi-seo. I miss you.”

 

You do?

It was a line I didn’t remember. Perhaps it was my imagination, but his young voice had become mature.

He spoke in a low voice as if whispering in my ear.

 

“We’ll meet soon. My guide.”

 

The words were nostalgic and sweet which brought tears to my eyes.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It felt like I had a dream early in the morning, but I couldn’t quite remember it. It must have been a sad dream because my pillowcase was damp.

 

‘I think someone was stroking my head. Was it a dream?’

 

I felt so restless that I got up before dawn. I unconsciously looked at the window, and the curtains were wide open.

 

‘Did I… sleep with the curtains open last night?’

My memory was hazy.

 

‘That’s strange…….’

Tilting my head, I went into the bathroom, washed up briefly, and came out to hear my dad’s voice coming from the kitchen.

 

“Haley. Awake already? You’re up early today.”

 

My dad’s face wrinkled as he smiled at me. There were dark circles under his eyes, and veins ran across it.

 

“Yes, I just woke up. What about you Dad? Are you okay?”

 

I looked worriedly at his dark eyes, and my dad awkwardly rubbed his face.

 

“Uh, y-yeah. Can you tell? I’ve been working on the manuscript lately……. I guess that’s why.”

 

Why are you so flustered?

I looked at him questioningly, and my dad averted his gaze. Frowning, I nagged him.

 

“Now you need to take care of your health.”

 

“Yes. I’ll be careful from now on.”

 

“What about jogging? Did you go?”

 

“No, not yet. It looks like it’s going to rain, my knees are aching…….”

 

“Don’t make excuses. You promised Mom that you’d go jogging every day.”

 

“Your mom hasn’t come home yet. It’s a secret between you and me. Okay?”

 

My dad held out his fist. With a small laugh, I bumped my fist into his and opened the fridge.

 

“Getting breakfast? Do you want me to prepare it for you?”

 

“It’s okay. I can do it myself. I’m not a kid anymore.”

 

“…… I know. My daughter, when did you grow up so much?”

 

Dad’s eyes reddened slightly. He was looking at me with delight and sadness.

He was like that even when he was younger, but as he got older, he became more emotional.

I patted him on the back a few times before taking out the leftover lasagna from yesterday.

 

“Thanks to my dad, I’ve grown this much. I can even heat the lasagna by myself. I’m a fully grown adult.”

 

I put the cold lasagna in the mini oven and pressed the button, a humming sound echoed through the kitchen.

My dad laughed at my joke.

 

“Yeah. Maybe you’ll bring your boyfriend here soon.”

 

“…… What boyfriend?”

 

“Why not? You’re an adult.”

 

Ever since I started high school, my dad has been trying to figure out the identity of my boyfriend, who doesn’t even exist.

I glanced at him, and he shrugged.

 

“How are you with Mr. Smith’s son these days?”

 

“…… Mr. Smith next door?”

 

“Yes. Haven’t you been talking to him lately?”

 

“You mean David?”

 

“You were with him in front of the garage yesterday. Didn’t he ask you out on a date?”

 

What nonsense are you talking about so early in the morning…….?

 

“He just asked me something, and I answered.”

 

“What did he ask?”

 

“Motorcycles. He asked me if I knew how to ride one. A friend of his has a new motorcycle, but the old one is in pretty good shape, so he’s thinking of selling it after replacing some parts. He said he’ll give it to me for a cheaper price if I’m interested.”

 

Beep-beep – Beep-beep –

The oven signaled that it was done. Putting on the kitchen gloves, I took the lasagna out and placed it on the table.

 

Screech –

As I pulled out a chair and sat down, my dad was staring at me with wide eyes.

Afraid that his eyes would pop out, I quickly continued.

 

“Of course I declined. I still get nervous when I drive.”

 

“…… Sigh. Yi-seo, no. Haley. Motorcycles are a big no-no. Even my heart skips a beat when you drive. If you ride a motorcycle, I’m going to have a heart attack.”

 

Exaggerated and pretending to wipe a cold sweat, Dad got up.

I thought he was going back to sleep, but he was walking toward the front door.

 

“Dad. Dad? Where are you going?”

 

“Oh, uh… Jogging.”

 

“…… Didn’t you say you weren’t going?”

 

“Just, uhm… getting some fresh air outside.”

 

My dad was really bad at lying. He wrinkled the bridge of his nose awkwardly and waved his hand.

 

“I’ll be back. Oh, and I have some new songs on the USB. It’s on the table there, take it.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Motorcycle, motorcycle, David, I didn’t see he’s like that…….

Dad’s murmur faded away. Silence fell throughout the house after the front door opened and closed.

I found the USB on the kitchen table and shoved it into my pocket.

It has been a regular occurrence between me and my dad ever since I got my license.

My dad personally selects the music and puts it on a USB for me, who doesn’t prefer the radio.

 

“…… He’s not going to beat David at this hour, is he?”

 

I muttered to myself, dispelling the silence, and picked up my fork. As I cut up the well-heated lasagna and put it in my mouth, a wave of fatigue set in.

‘…… I don’t feel like going to school today.’

I sighed at the feeling of depression and lethargy that came out of nowhere.

After a few bites, I pushed the remaining lasagna aside and stood up.

I remembered what the doctor had told me to do what I had to do even if I felt limp and depressed.

 

“…… Let’s go. You’ve got to go to school.”

 

I ran my hand through my still-damp hair and went up to my room.

It was the beginning of another dreary day.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I barely remember ‘that day’.

So……. It’s been 11 years since the day I pushed away the male protagonist of the original story.

For 11 years, I cried a lot, went on pointless hunger strikes, and was admitted to a sleep center for severe insomnia.

It took one year to get out of the room. Another year to get out of the house. It took two years to get out on the busy street.

It must be frustrating to have a daughter who was struggling every day.

Yet my parents never rushed me and waited for me to stand up on my own.

So, 11 years went by. In the meantime, I turned seventeen and changed my name from “Sophia Kang” to “Haley Baek.”

 

For the record, the surname ‘Baek’ was my mother’s last name.

‘I never thought about it. My dad recommended it to me first…….’

 

The next thing I did after changing my name was move.

Richard, the director of the Ohio Center, provided us with a home at his own expense, and we moved in when he firmly said he wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

 

<…… Miss Sophia, as an adult, I should have noticed the danger and discouraged you when you tried guiding. But I didn’t……. I got greedy. It was the adults’ fault, and it was only right that I take responsibility. >

 

One day, two years after the accident.

Richard came to my house, looking haggard, and bowed his head to me in apology.

He told us he had decided to step down from his position as the center director, which he had worked so hard to protect, and left saying that since he was no longer the director, we should not feel burdened and contact him anytime we needed help.

After that, Richard helped my family settle into a new place, and I was able to live a normal life under a new identity in a safer neighborhood.

 

“Haley! Are you going to school early today?”

 

I walked out the front door with my bag slung over one shoulder. As I headed to the garage, David, the neighbor next door, put his arm on the wall and called out to me.

 

“Hi, David. I woke up early today. Looks like it might rain soon, so I’m heading out before then.”

 

“Oh, come to think of it, it’s cloudy.”

 

“Aren’t you going to school today?”

 

I opened the car door and threw my bag into the passenger seat. I gestured with my chin at David’s outfit before getting into the car.

He was still wearing his wrinkled pajama cotton T-shirt. Beneath it was his light blue pajama pants.

David shrugged at the sight of his outfit.

 

“I’m going in late today.”

 

“Are you going to skip class?”

 

“I’ll just write a reflection paper or something.”

 

David’s school had lax rules, unlike mine. Even if he said that, he probably wouldn’t write a reflection paper for skipping a class.

 

“Haley, do you want to hang out with me? I know a great fishing spot.”

 

“I don’t want to write a reflection paper.”

 

The school I went to required us to write one.