TSCEIAB Ch. 22

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<Yi-seo. It’s not your fault. I’m really okay. >aa3f4d365736150a

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Hugo told me this 94703492fe in my hazy memory.6e4fa5bd1ef22800

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What was 6d93888de3 your voice 06ea9b8eb4 like when 4b785a16d2 you were 54998ed628 a child? I couldn’t quite remember 2e733e6cba now.ac450aad86208932

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<What happened that 532b9a772f day was my ff70ed787d fault. You didn’t b6f7ec500f do anything b97fd92e89 wrong.>4c7be9506d5d057c

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Those kind words still tore my heart. I tried to shake my head, but my body wouldn’t move, as if I was paralyzed.5717944f1f39d45c

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<And that a151d14002 day, I…….>ca5fcc18f49d6b7b

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I can a7c9a89784 hear him d6eb2703e8 whisper through 0f1499ce33 the phone 6ae2fee29b in my 4bbe9010e3 ear.42fdce70b69590db

I hadn’t heard the 18fcc5eaec words that my younger 153bd13159 selfish self, who only 9bf8221af2 thought of my own f9216c49b3 pain, had cut off.d2828bdc104a2e5f

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“…… Yi-seo. I miss you.”a5534519277dc416

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You do?b2ec12ea1792a94c

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It was a line I didn’t remember. Perhaps it was my imagination, but his young voice had become mature.08fda6bf7866be79

He spoke fa4ed7f009 in a 796ef59142 low voice 23559e4e33 as if 3923080313 whispering in 960a3b978a my ear.fcc4593635d900e6

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“We’ll meet soon. My guide.”e8ae00eb7f86b70e

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The words were nostalgic b6a6c263c4 and sweet which brought c327301735 tears to my eyes.f388f9756755f145

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* * *14013c45dbe36dc9

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It felt like I had a dream early in the morning, but I couldn’t quite remember it. It must have been a sad dream because my pillowcase was damp.4eda87f8e05d6d74

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‘I think someone was stroking my head. Was it a dream?’cf5c81d6371542ce

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I felt so 1ceb553149 restless that I 6e9e4e129c got up before 24e621ca8b dawn. I unconsciously looked 843e0bf547 at the window, e97069cf65 and the curtains c472d039c8 were wide open.d6e24fae128d62fd

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‘Did I… sleep with the curtains open last night?’12ebd28a926418f7

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My memory was hazy.b8f0d92848df031e

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‘That’s strange…….’7b46c68091d64bfc

Tilting my head, I went into the bathroom, washed up briefly, and came out to hear my dad’s voice coming from the kitchen.88aff129db512bed

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“Haley. Awake already? You’re up early today.”9232a9b8477810d4

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My dad’s face wrinkled as he smiled at me. There were dark circles under his eyes, and veins ran across it.403f5d667106a4ef

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“Yes, I just woke up. What about you Dad? Are you okay?”6f99891f7ff83f1d

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I looked worriedly at 035749668a his dark eyes, and 59ab11a35e my dad awkwardly rubbed 6745134cc1 his face.1dffb5bea8f0a2f3

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“Uh, y-yeah. Can you tell? I’ve been working on the manuscript lately……. I guess that’s why.”c0055c80f549650e

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Why are 90e31753e2 you so 0b6daadca3 flustered?dc262bcd19f4ba6e

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I looked at him 2324ff6b03 questioningly, and my dad 306b7a7f55 averted his gaze. Frowning, I nagged 2da05e14dc him.29226345d3b40598

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“Now you need to take care of your health.”d65ef6ed7c91ce85

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“Yes. I’ll be careful from now on.”493c540e3b6e0ab1

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“What about jogging? Did you go?”54572def21cd38f8

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“No, not yet. It looks like it’s going to rain, my knees are aching…….”1bb21aa3f2e67f30

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“Don’t make excuses. You promised Mom that you’d go jogging every day.”1c3a1d7a71521327

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“Your mom hasn’t come home yet. It’s a secret between you and me. Okay?”01cbb5c6bc3a06f2

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My dad held out 3df3984f25 his fist. With a small laugh, abb774873e I bumped my fist 725e70be3a into his and opened 5c799579c2 the fridge.ea78f04ff3273738

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“Getting breakfast? Do you want me to prepare it for you?”3c7304c17e16ef1a

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“It’s okay. I can do it myself. I’m not a kid anymore.”8966b0c28134d25a

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“…… I know. My daughter, when did you grow up so much?”55070b8a93aa5005

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Dad’s eyes reddened slightly. He was looking at me with delight and sadness.45aede8bf557ce2e

He was like that 66f0a5785f even when he was ecec8602a9 younger, but as he d2bbba8fde got older, he became 0f2b3fb354 more emotional.de03c9611002cd2f

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I patted 6627540735 him on 5fa3df1a1e the back 9b49261087 a few 1a5cd07316 times before 138a5d4a21 taking out de9c510c5c the leftover f4625e371b lasagna from a009a8d0e3 yesterday.6c1c1c60ea46cf65

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“Thanks to my dad, I’ve grown this much. I can even heat the lasagna by myself. I’m a fully grown adult.”3d7494bdc56f2984

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I put the cold 03491c95f2 lasagna in the mini 01929d00bf oven and pressed the 19e5d8a820 button, a humming sound bb8fae2aaa echoed through the kitchen.d3e3b99ad1257295

My dad laughed 097016cec0 at my joke.93eaefe23f35cded

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“Yeah. Maybe you’ll bring your boyfriend here soon.”2693575e0cbfaee4

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“…… What boyfriend?”4acd81284cedc41c

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“Why not? You’re an adult.”ac56fa71d1eaffdc

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Ever since I started high school, my dad has been trying to figure out the identity of my boyfriend, who doesn’t even exist.3b45a865734679a0

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I glanced f123b5be4f at him, 81ddd36366 and he 31de05ceb6 shrugged.c6113048c754dc3c

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“How are you with Mr. Smith’s son these days?”0fa244cb5febd26e

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“…… Mr. Smith next door?”1dfe1e6f4a0c38e0

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“Yes. Haven’t you been talking to him lately?”60e28d19fa370eaa

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“You mean David?”663273a152ba10ce

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“You were with him in front of the garage yesterday. Didn’t he ask you out on a date?”1c99fe36b47b8a17

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What nonsense are you talking about so early in the morning…….?d5d062d59e4b8458

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“He just asked me something, and I answered.”3f4d996b8cb90e01

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“What did he ask?”f34b564f3d87d017

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“Motorcycles. He asked me if I knew how to ride one. A friend of his has a new motorcycle, but the old one is in pretty good shape, so he’s thinking of selling it after replacing some parts. He said he’ll give it to me for a cheaper price if I’m interested.”33f77a14ffa8fc79

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Beep-beep – Beep-beep –ae3b5e2e6a135ca0

The oven signaled that 91b7d094b9 it was done. Putting on the d8c5f44aea kitchen gloves, I e630a15457 took the lasagna aa6c5b017a out and placed 27092602ef it on the eca5e9076e table.1d85822a89e835c6

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Screech –9b493668719e0700

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As I pulled out 2fabcdaa1d a chair and sat 437e3d3b75 down, my dad was 43016e6f63 staring at me with 6c45b656d9 wide eyes.1c4be0e985812a22

Afraid that his eyes d1f2849ee1 would pop out, I 2d87b229c7 quickly continued.ddf77d5eba57a710

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“Of course I declined. I still get nervous when I drive.”17788bc2b3e647b1

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“……Sigh. Yi-seo, no. Haley. Motorcycles are a big no-no. Even my heart skips a beat when you drive. If you ride a motorcycle, I’m going to have a heart attack.”c3296a32ed895164

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Exaggerated and pretending to 04a3f3bdc7 wipe a cold sweat, e282cc7290 Dad got up.af4241adadad2450

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I thought 2e6332a597 he was 8d802fc8dc going back ff7371c3d9 to sleep, 1c03143fd4 but he b2cea1664b was walking 25cf95da46 toward the a9f39cb5e9 front door.c001bdbe58375d7f

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“Dad. Dad? Where are you going?”2f5e7cb97e6e7ebe

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“Oh, uh… Jogging.”9b70453a828fdf59

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“…… Didn’t you say you weren’t going?”bf08542a134ee6bd

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“Just, uhm… getting some fresh air outside.”d460871c398d6a1e

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My dad was really c2b0b678bf bad at lying. He wrinkled the f24748187d bridge of his 73e2461b45 nose awkwardly and d648ab4f87 waved his hand.d9122612f81b3965

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“I’ll be back. Oh, and I have some new songs on the USB. It’s on the table there, take it.”62f801ecf024caf1

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“Okay.”b765688ab0e7ad38

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Motorcycle, motorcycle, David, I didn’t see he’s like that…….c6744d43b274e108

Dad’s murmur faded away. Silence fell throughout the house after the front door opened and closed.7ddf742b03ae80c2

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I found 51b7175268 the USB ef068e244d on the d5fd0c2153 kitchen table 3b5f4e9cd6 and shoved 2d2bd358fa it into 7019b26cbb my pocket.4120b9292adc7ae7

It has been 9a7cdac1ea a regular occurrence 119ee48fe5 between me and 88ec0ece46 my dad ever 7faa9f0298 since I got d7bec14545 my license.68e8e10ca854b722

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My dad personally selects 7aa556d1aa the music and puts dfd5a7c17d it on a USB 784395f26e for me, who doesn’t 13a8f80608 prefer the radio.7f3606cdcf7fd31b

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“…… He’s not going to beat David at this hour, is he?”cea1df4410997969

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I muttered to 0d50157ea0 myself, dispelling the f9a677768e silence, and picked aa246f1f21 up my fork. As I cut aedcc2ac7b up the well-heated 0d512b249d lasagna and put 1d4a280d8c it in my 27cb105e25 mouth, a wave 691c77bc8d of fatigue set 60f328c8b6 in.ca86cc4bef58589b

‘…… I don’t feel like going to school today.’c464fbb5cdca796f

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I sighed 76fa7ba23c at the a94eab8b1d feeling of 2f994de557 depression and 7354902f34 lethargy that f1ff56e4d9 came out d0d952aa24 of nowhere.3180535ae43f0705

After a 67f92a06f1 few bites, 7fd048b568 I pushed f81efcc8cd the remaining 2c85d51380 lasagna aside 93310d6a66 and stood 14054d72db up.fca571833aa2cc65

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I remembered what the 6a14e9f615 doctor had told me 87b7035dcd to do what I 1fe382d277 had to do even eb7ac230ac if I felt limp 40941ffcbd and depressed.0cb744f0edcff22f

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“…… Let’s go. You’ve got to go to school.”8a09af6837ded6ee

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I ran my hand 815b86e87e through my still-damp hair 9715dd7eac and went up to 3ec5791971 my room.3c9ac749e4fd6aa2

It was 3d8f9e0952 the beginning de8f6d4f42 of another 814139b446 dreary day.165db93cb72137bc

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* * *0d8ff3719776c36a

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I barely remember ‘that 7c1225a6e0 day’.fd01e19903132596

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So……. It’s been 11 years since the day I pushed away the male protagonist of the original story.86ea1a18a4e88ad2

For 11 1aca16c032 years, I 7651810814 cried a b44c4db71c lot, went db024e1e68 on pointless f0c9d1dd67 hunger strikes, 082ef20f46 and was 966e74f329 admitted to 720a760ecc a sleep f95ad5dd13 center for 1be251642c severe insomnia.ad125190acdd8249

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It took one cef21480a4 year to get 6508b63855 out of the 3cac8d3394 room. Another year to a8becbf77c get out of f29c60cbe6 the house. It took two ea3452b419 years to get 4b418b20e2 out on the a9ababa641 busy street.5b49cb190d65d202

It must be 6220f7d3ce frustrating to have 0b401989f1 a daughter who 5f0814d33b was struggling every 3f9bb19ef6 day.2d27bf6f144a3744

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Yet my 6bac09aa35 parents never 89bf0d5ae7 rushed me 000f880da9 and waited 7f619e5705 for me 6dbf4d3140 to stand f5539dcf64 up on 5f63f8b01b my own.e85bab313ac26869

So, 11 years went by. In the meantime, I turned seventeen and changed my name from “Sophia Kang” to “Haley Baek.”11dcb3d699846154

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For the record, the surname ‘Baek’ was my mother’s last name.a0f38d1e08f5d1ff

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‘I never thought about it. My dad recommended it to me first…….’2f4cab06c040eee2

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The next thing I 5d52268228 did after changing my df1a8e18d2 name was move.689cd619f952a6a1

Richard, the 631ade1103 director of bbb9ea2e03 the Ohio 3296f342af Center, provided c948308e01 us with 10165594f0 a home 80fd5b59af at his 26782ce22a own expense, 719c52a8d1 and we 582c2b57ce moved in 3b7ea67067 when he 9c98f3a0e5 firmly said 8ff033abc4 he wouldn’t a02211bb53 take ‘no’for an answer.745bb70b74e87950

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<…… Miss Sophia, as an adult, I should have noticed the danger and discouraged you when you tried guiding. But I didn’t……. I got greedy. It was the adults’ fault, and it was only right that I take responsibility. >608a031a8da4f8ff

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One day, two years a083d51c5a after the accident.ffb58d4e416c5292

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Richard came 2a20b0ff14 to my 53e5cc5070 house, looking d82c5d97d9 haggard, and 0f654cc3dd bowed his e4abb4f458 head to 2c016916f5 me in 92c26bf039 apology.206d0d435b023ee9

He told bcf9ee1715 us he 2ad81e6076 had decided c8ae2419c5 to step 8c8e150e62 down from a81655665c his position 1429451ee8 as the 035d891a3b center director, 6c5870056b which he 240ab372a1 had worked 94a6e96a1e so hard a8336d0439 to protect, 3646fb3a88 and left 1dd103669a saying that ff899ad4f5 since he 631965d034 was no 766ea547e0 longer the 839242c785 director, we 6fa2b57160 should not 3d6a3af53c feel burdened fccbc85e8b and contact 43f8234870 him anytime b90e3cc34b we needed f3f9a2db66 help.9d7ed53101ae2d3d

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After that, Richard b99c7be342 helped my family e84224b837 settle into a 623facabb4 new place, and 209f25eca0 I was able 6ef4bd6644 to live a b332783b8a normal life under f0a8688c0b a new identity feab97ee47 in a safer 8f2b36b38a neighborhood.a4e989f2b5f0fe8b

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“Haley! Are you going to school early today?”734bd921011bceca

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I walked out e9b432eefd the front door 1ac22e36c4 with my bag f93b1fe990 slung over one 436fe23142 shoulder. As I headed to c82e4425fb the garage, David, the dfef1634c0 neighbor next door, put f364016825 his arm on the 0ee03fc3a1 wall and called out 3118048cc8 to me.c31906b6b25ca646

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“Hi, David. I woke up early today. Looks like it might rain soon, so I’m heading out before then.”2b7807e065eb8d48

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“Oh, come to think of it, it’s cloudy.”f6a38904c905700b

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“Aren’t you going to school today?”9e946335ee50da6f

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I opened the car door and threw my bag into the passenger seat. I gestured with my chin at David’s outfit before getting into the car.dc77391aef9206fc

He was still 741a8f4fe3 wearing his wrinkled 29b7f5744f pajama cotton T-shirt. Beneath it was his 8665d59a86 light blue pajama pants.89c20c4c44a7d98e

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David shrugged at the 193fc8eb23 sight of his outfit.1cdaf097f7a00b4e

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“I’m going in late today.”bfe5d2a155a28a65

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“Are you going to skip class?”1274c5ddaf2a4c89

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“I’ll just write a reflection paper or something.”a9bbeb74abab5b00

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David’s school had lax rules, unlike mine. Even if he said that, he probably wouldn’t write a reflection paper for skipping a class.b0ba4c17d1c08b53

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“Haley, do you want to hang out with me? I know a great fishing spot.”3defa8df0fadf106

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“I don’t want to write a reflection paper.”e9e3b6f90ed09d09

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The school I went 5cf851bf92 to required us to c4ec852338 write one.6d167517278d94f7