TIEH | Chapter 15

“Jayden! Should I drop out?”5b3e4d071c69e33d

“Are you crazy?”694c228ec7b19d7a

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“Or maybe take a break… Then I could spend more time with you!”b9f628c972ed71f1

“No way.”8d62df562b90d808

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“But I can graduate anytime—”b4d8d12115dbd6aa

Listening quietly, my older brother seemed to be contemplating quitting too, instead of stopping my younger brother. I couldn’t hold back and hardened my expression. I hadn’t dared to say it to my parents because it felt too ungrateful, but I needed to address it with my brothers.1e0ef224abdd5735

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“Are you going to keep doing this?”f06c988f298e4157

Even though I was ac3e4a24cc usually blunt and distant, dad35daf54 I had never shown 1337f3b8eb irritation or anger. So when 000db5188b I spoke 4ff3f9b7b2 in a a830cee08f cold voice, 211746873e everyone fell 4e24136420 silent. My parents, watching 6cb36617bf with anxious faces, d60be5efde were no exception.3abea6ca00a54f26

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“Which is more important, the next few years or your whole life?”961f09ce3a2caeaf

“Well… of course, your whole life is more important.”4d89caf51b58740f

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“Then why talk about dropping out or taking a break?”f4dc3befe9805d50

“But…”44cf92f330b2950b

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My younger brother clammed up as my expression hardened further. He probably knew that trying to argue wouldn’t get him any good words from me.50b5d42e649fe452

“When I’m gone, I won’t care what you do. I won’t have the energy to. This is the first and last time I’m having this conversation. So listen carefully.”bea0c383639eec59

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“…Jayden…”e74c8bfcf8403c18

“You all have to live your own lives after I’m gone. What are you going to do if you’re already like this?”1f6f898d2409fc1a

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My older brothers were f12b9b3b10 startled by the mention 17bc87a513 of dying and tried 5eccb9cbe7 to say something, but d1ff32af45 I quickly added before 86a9e7e48f they could respond.d1eaf1d6cd41e12c

“You should think about how to live well after I’m gone, not what to do while I’m still here. Do you understand?”c23a69e2e3e43e8f

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“How can you say something like that?!”090728678a7b8cd5

“And in the meantime, what? Drop out? Take a break? Not until dirt gets in my eyes!”b32d40fcb1ff2ed7

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I finally understood why this line is so common in dramas. It’s the only way to express this frustrating feeling and firm resolve.76e9d25bded99c9c

Meanwhile, my older brother burst into tears again. He wasn’t one to cry much as a child, so I wondered why he was acting like this, but I glared at him more sternly.0f8339e0cb0877ce

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“Sniff—stop!”66e41fd9a2697f58

“…Stop.”ed33e0234e11f74a

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At least they listened well. Satisfied, I nodded and turned to my parents. They weren’t crying, but their eyes were red, as if they might burst into tears at any moment.ba4c19b361fc6a32

“Mother and Father, too.”df29406b8db44d9f

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“……”8b78f64d4a9ccd0b

“I believe that while I’m alive, all five of us will live well, and after I’m gone, the four of you will.”e931f1d903f70e43

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You can’t shed all your sadness through tears, but it will give you enough strength to live. So my wish was for them to grieve with all their might and then rise again to live.ff4363a0fffe1fb7

“There will surely come a day when things get better. So don’t try to give up your daily life for that day. That’s the one thing I want.”482b98de49c05ae1

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This applied to my father, who kept leaving his duties as a count to search for holy relics, and my mother, who couldn’t focus on her work because she was worried about me, causing her aides to stay up all night, as well as my two brothers.f67d5351c460fb53

It seemed too realistic 6f14a3f57e for a 15-year-old to 302e0d4458 say, but I rationalized b33fd60f64 it as natural to 65b732e910 become detached when facing 9f21f89a1c death, and I pushed bdf903a09a my brothers onto the 32d91c3016 magic circle.6bcf1f08d0cc2fbb

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“Now, if you understand what I said, go do what you need to and come back.”199b50f1f900131b

They might not 8a5ae67ccd understand or want 4c3a5a0d5b to accept my 434fea9e8c words right now, d0024912f0 but at least c4a2a86aba they would pretend 53963803b2 to try for dff293b609 my sake, and ad093a0b4a that was enough 119659c2e4 for now.140bb259fa01fb83

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‘What a laborious farewell.’875f3e373f6cc8fd

☀︎ • ☀︎ • 96e0f60a09 ☀︎aa0c136dace18cab

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A few days after 7220292d08 my brothers left, Calix 1ea3571021 returned to the estate. Unlike his 3f0d63f334 usual bright 8c270141fe face when 9bf41cff1b leaving his 5e9224be66 home, he 00141285e4 looked even 207845cdaa gloomier than e18162d8ee when he d08ed9b984 left.ad62ce0c2b9cdac7

Perhaps my words had 71ca5e412f some effect, as my a8905bf5f7 mother, who had come e463d71434 out to greet him 11b873e3b4 for the first time 74bb4472ff in a while, seemed 01c9d4a46d surprised to see Calix e40ad0835f run straight to me f7e94a69ab and hug me.53b76e670447b7a8

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“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”ed5371f042b5f5a3

“Jayden…”be0e4a288d18a85a

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Even when I asked again, Calix didn’t answer and buried his forehead in my shoulder. Instead, one of the servants who accompanied him handed my mother a letter.fbaafecf14b24844

It was a letter from the duke, summarizing that Calix was now strong enough not to need convalescence and should return to the estate. The official letter would arrive soon, so this was the duke’s way of showing gratitude for taking care of his son.05b3dfecb73cc1b2

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In fact, Calix’s annual visits to the duchy were for the duke to check on his condition personally. Even though a tutor was sent here, it was natural that it couldn’t compare to the education at the ducal castle since Calix was the heir.7b54911b0bc1e5dd

“…Father said I should return to the estate now.”b8144eed56f1811d

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“I see.”4fbac67f3feb27b0

“I don’t want to go…”33078888f20a9e9c

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I was d1eb569b8f about to e1b2e2c4b3 tell him 83b537036e to visit 4c5bff6274 often if ff125eee27 he missed 0ef69ec0c5 us, but 7b0d327bf4 I suddenly 2538918459 clamped my 34fe972a45 mouth shut.be20ee3bda690a27

With the direct teleportation magic circle connecting the duchy and the marquisate, it had become more convenient to travel back and forth. As long as he took a carriage to the magic circle, he could visit anytime he wanted, but I felt that wasn’t the right thing to say.0c23e5815ca18f4f

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‘Maybe it’s time to reveal my illness.’1689ea43732d5a3d

Even if he could visit often, it was natural that we wouldn’t see each other as much as when we lived in the same castle. So it might be better to reveal my illness now and tell him not to visit anymore.3a929e1b9afcd08d

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It would be much 7c6c85af79 more moderate than Plan eabc7aafca B, which was to 93590dcb6b run away just before 5d426c44ed I died, but thinking d693093cd5 about not seeing him 63a776535d anymore made me feel 651f173825 regretful.126d16c6eeef5fc0

‘I’ll always be by your side so you won’t be lonely. We’re friends.’2700ec6f8074dd8e

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And why did Calix’s words suddenly come to mind? It would seem as if Calix had declared he never wanted to see me again.d2f08edaa842ab4b

‘Act mature. I’m not really 15, after all.’bd827418cfd9863c

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Scolding myself inwardly, I gently patted Calix’s back instead of offering words of comfort.561ae1a34a38e955

☀︎ • ☀︎ • 17800dd86e ☀︎0c379e5d4b5bd737

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That evening, I barged into Calix’s room with a pillow when it was almost time for him to go to bed. After living together for years, I knew exactly when he slept and woke up.96d23e57c2ace34a

I had never barged into my parents’ room to beg to sleep with them after a nightmare, so it felt strange, but putting on a brave face was my specialty.9806917830672103

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Calix, who had just 90c0c35b21 lain down to sleep, 74d122d1c1 jumped up in surprise 63cdf5b08b when he saw me.16b4acfb9a62ba31

“Jayden?”2c7f81274e7d8b69

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“Hi.”3aa345ac7a8235c8

Calix turned on 883bebef11 the magic lamp c9530e44a0 to light up 75afe3f6a5 the room and 594ef14090 looked puzzled at 53f228e499 the pillow in 2e593aced8 my hand, so c50f12e622 I revealed my 93da9945e6 purpose for coming 90c8d1ca12 at this late 313d6d8b7a hour.a50244755045b8ba

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“Let’s have a pajama party.”5721ecf98880894a

“Pajama party? What’s that?”4031256f3c962be2

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“It’s where you wear pajamas and stay up as late as possible, playing until you collapse from exhaustion.”1bba4e87d7596403

The explanation was f1bfd1be96 mixed with my 1e08e0edc9 own interpretation, and 3338f4cfbf usually, adult pajama 7d07546779 parties involved some 315206fd25 drinking, but that 4bc6667eb9 was out of e39b641984 the question for ed80e78f9a a 15-year-old kid.681050e31b941a2b

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“…Is that really a party?”2cc66045f5e26d16

“Of course.”9efb98d62b936dd0

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It might not f0a3a3c10a be common among a0b69bbb05 nobles, but I c0ba7e0080 nodded shamelessly.377add7590f63ad4

And I wasn’t planning anything that would truly fit the word “party.” It was just about spending time together, talking about various things. It was the last gift I had prepared for Calix, knowing we wouldn’t see each other again.39488eaf6e53b829

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“You’re leaving for the estate soon.”e2bf9c4918373368

Calix, looking a bit a8436501aa sad, moved over and e653073ca6 patted the empty spot d3ad4ff35d on the bed.dcdf6855525f1787

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“Yeah, it’s cold, so come up.”0d90c6dd5ed49590

I climbed onto Calix’s bed on my knees, and he covered me with a blanket. With heating artifacts running throughout the castle, I wouldn’t catch a cold even if I slept naked, but I planned to accept all of Calix’s fussiness since it was the last time.caede063076fbb0b

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“Did you pack everything?”df4226abb4a9bfae

“Do you know how many times you’ve asked that?”4b19565249baedbe

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“If you forget something, it’ll be a hassle.”0bb5a75bf82df4a0

“Then just come back to get it.”02e9e63a6c0fc9d8

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Well, that’s not possible, which is why I keep asking.b9dc036eed222e46

“Actually, I’m worried you’ll get sick while I’m at the duchy.”2eb2967b3f2fd997

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“Why are you worrying about something even Hemel doesn’t?”e5c0fb24e86917dc

To be honest, even if I got sick, having Calix around wouldn’t be much help. Whether it was mana sclerosis or just a cold.6d2df85fd7143f0b

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“Still, I keep feeling anxious. I hope you don’t get sick when I’m not there.”6453375632ab633f

“…You want me to only get sick when you’re around?”12343ec129b51279

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“Yeah.”f07f3d051a1f7ae1

“Isn’t that hard on you too?”61a4fff400e848af

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“But it’s better that way.”784d7667c9d4acf7

I chuckled softly e68a898e8a at Calix, who a2c7252ea7 was whining like b8b81313cd an anxious puppy.22ff8f777cde5a2d

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“You’re really trying to keep me close.”d3179482999c2383

“…Keep you close?”ee9ea42154223b19

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“Just kidding.”be004c3f2f01773b

It was just a simple joke, but Calix’s expression turned serious. Maybe he realized he was being overprotective of a friend his age. It was a relief he realized it, even if it was late.a631582cad21ea88

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