THFN | Chapter 14

“…Ugh.”e190155ab3404c41

Clara vividly remembered the 2b2d9aa6f9 impact of his body 8336e3bfd2 being crushed back then, 5f51249aae and he shivered like d36f65ef73 a drenched animal, trying 28dd6b6efe to shake off the 373f4e4563 eerie chill that came d4e409bb4c with the memory. Even though he had c02c3e8c38 wished for death, it f7d17e4955 wasn’t something one could 92192cd9bb embrace positively, so the 0689986707 pain from that day f3ea2d760f lingered unpleasantly.8b7a2a18490ff0df

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Not that 082b3f00b6 he regretted 8dd7b1963c what he 099444d6f3 did back b24f895f92 then.25cd134395a3711f

As his imagination a731f90472 continued, random thoughts 8543b9b6e3 playfully crept into 5223cb55e7 his mind. Feeling embarrassed 5287f00b0e and awkward, 777d26e3c3 Clara cleared aaf8112d8e his throat bb9b502068 into the 810450bac3 air.c9baf2186429db63

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They say people become brave when they have nothing to lose, right? And when there’s nothing left to see, they try to fill the biggest void.48bc0f82b287735f

Clara’s void 626f59e8b2 was someone’s 979a90f1af kindness, so 04571d6e34 ultimately, he 95e940e469 fell for 98985944ed the one ad1e203d5d who saved f27733f5a6 him that ae2a56e69d day.f5ae7c2aef903241

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And that wasn’t all. He actively pursued him afterward. Pretending to hug him, comparing hand sizes, looking up and asking him not to go… He probably tried every flirting tactic he knew. And when that wasn’t enough…959e66d19a065de7

…He pounced.91a6f824ed5332fa

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“……”7ae2019b5864a768

People tend to fe9c6d044e think they should 503038bcfa make a grand 7d4108b8f0 confession to someone 0453ed34d7 they like before cc0fb3b79a they die, right? At the 3c9dd25964 time, Clara d57cc3e923 was in f77fda0b51 no state 81e3a9572c to discern c22c445fa3 right from c3af44b7ec wrong. He acted like a aea25eb6a8 man. More like d4113450a8 a noble.129cbd385a3f1ec5

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He means he blackmailed him with his weaknesses. Money, status…70d898cd12247e81

By then, 9b06200445 the guy 1138e1d447 was financially e763392fd0 stable, so ee5d7f3254 it wasn’t a253d18154 a real 2f95ae5c49 weakness, but 5ca9bb786a Clara simply acda61de4b enjoyed being 3b95b70505 cheeky. Not that d841fde198 he liked c1f00f54be manipulating others.51c48cc2638e6312

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Rather, at the edcc83752e time, he saw e16267e21b himself as a 8bb9845c66 kind of slave 7cdd1e6052 or dog.a7f1aaa8157b8beb

At first, he was cautious, but as he asked questions without thinking, Clara unintentionally crossed the line more and more. As it repeated, they grew unnecessarily close, and he liked him… He became curious about how far his master would tolerate him.15b654ceba9e9d1f

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‘Did I enjoy the discipline…?’43f1d89e61c18384

If anyone had 8438fc5afe seen them back f33d047a62 then, they might a8a8cd3b1d have wondered why e5e428d992 he developed such 5085a2c087 a masochistic tendency, b46b649226 but fortunately for c88e01ab3c Clara, no third 9067a18c63 party was involved af8a42bc1a in their journey.a8a08875d25d790a

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Thanks to that, he d63a51105e became a very cheeky 3fac80546c dog that wouldn’t stop 1945f7b5de unless kissed.fd2690e70e136d65

Thinking about it, 3709de93e3 he wanted to 9fe30b18d9 kiss. Clara pouted, lightly c88cd23427 scratching the table 4586a0bcc9 with his nails. He had never gone 9110ab3e65 beyond that, so when 4098dfbad6 he thought of him, d21676b89f that’s as far as c5e417d83e it went. Since he 8f8bf49f60 was someone 4b6e364e1f who wouldn’t 4f3672cbe5 take what 313597da0c was given, cb9829ba68 he always 742827e591 ran away 89a9cfec7f when Clara 376ef292a1 tried to a75371d01f create that 52b8c748fc atmosphere, so d9d1da246d they never 90ff4a4753 went further. Maybe that’s why, when c975d25193 memories mixed, it was f2c16b705c more about other feelings 6ca15ae091 than desire.fc9fe12cbc2f13f3

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‘Well, I’ve used it as a side dish many times…’8898c24e49a8fb34

…Clara blinked, looking down ambiguously, then shook his head. He didn’t feel like it. He didn’t mind self-pleasure, but now… he wanted to focus more on kissing. Today, he remembered him a bit more vividly.eb3e80ea65ff5ad1

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‘Ha, I want to 7e84bcace5 kiss.’6a4483c0e564eb41

He groaned, fd7b302a51 sprawling loosely. He rubbed his cheek 0c77207b9e and waist against the 24ceba6ec8 blanket. Lying face down, he 2a4f7b2e50 pulled out the cloak f7b5d59b71 he always kept by 704d5cfa2e the bed. It was Ivan’s. To be precise, 44f2a69751 it was bought bce306b3a9 for him. It was designed very fc09b821fb similarly to the one cd30e7e5a9 he used to wear.ea380e1c6117988c

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Clara bit into it.4f04f42f0d16788f

“…Mmm.”41d4e0815f6ccffb

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The fabric, 1ffe7812d8 like a a17fc48942 gag, scraped 107ba4d5ac mercilessly against 7b816129ed his palate 632214ff39 and tongue. He had 604636fd1b deliberately chosen b0092e8968 a slightly 47d53f2377 rough material, aa7a0e8115 remembering the a0a0a4a1ed cloak wasn’t 29af2732a1 too soft. Thanks to bccbdb0bdd that, it 5d6c1589d2 was so d792c5f8ff thick that c1e6c5e658 the papillae 9b8bd946b5 on his 15f90b03f1 tongue felt 172930cc58 prickly, as ee31eb3695 if he 2117f7cc88 was really 0054cd6683 rubbing against 971fe206d4 him. The difference was 28a6914b1d that unlike entwining 0f3890f5ad tongues, which became b25a224dbe more permeable, it ef7143f405 absorbed moisture, making 2216633a06 it sting.819ecf52027f9267

‘Right now…’70de96ad6f63d767

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He wished d054ebe390 it would 13f9f99d22 go from eea3edf6a2 his forehead af29379584 to his 036e720113 ears, nape, 5074823408 neck, and 44cc87c016 collarbone. Below that a1d90c7dd2 would be a69cbcfd69 nice too. Ivan never went below, 6047d5cfd9 but since it’s a 9a8b916964 kiss, maybe someday he 770522b1d3 would. Even a eunuch 43e614ce90 could do that 70ef81229a much.9dff40aff7471b1c

Thinking about it 0ba010e9a9 excited him. Clara bit the fabric 72e699392a deeper, as if to b4c484eec6 suffocate himself. Since he aa54f9fc49 never kept 36e974c9f7 it in 1f2a29ea3a the closet 8d164cd877 and always a9a5ee328b had it 33f4e26359 by the a141f970ab bed, it bef8ab87c8 didn’t smell 2357825124 like dried 1139df0997 flower sachets, 6d141ad71b only his e239b0a448 scent. Still, excited by the 142c265a2e familiar scent, Clara opened 87bb9eafa0 his mouth wider, stuffing 756da98632 the fabric in.76b1e3afa42b0748

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He wanted to see 8e713fb427 his loosely parted lips, 1350828968 saying not to do 5815c70aff it, that he’d get bfa1c28644 mad if he kept ddc2f3a2d1 it up. He wanted 8532a736c2 to tease 4656d50f99 him, who a3fe4e0546 tried to b78c6850d0 suppress his 73a07bf455 desires, saying 2fe0c1e376 possessiveness wasn’t a2839239b9 a bad 880538321a thing. More precisely, he 09687cd041 wanted to climb f4a2aef1ef on top, pretending 7cf52b2667 to joke, and b206824821 urge him to bfb40477b1 adore him.8ff7fa86e8c6dde4

He loved and c5e49e10b6 hated how he faec942e14 never crossed the ceed1838bf line, but it a758ef812a was okay. It was clear 3544af84ba he cherished him. The fulfillment f57972d673 of mental 36d2971722 hunger, more 93320ac016 than physical, e4b28ce4d0 filled his e51cd451e0 head like 31a712a656 a drug. Clara, dizzy from bd4d7373c0 lack of breath, 48b9167301 finally pulled the 985c0a2206 fabric from his fad4ff2659 mouth.42c6356f20eac066

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He panted, the timing delayed as it got caught in his throat. He deliberately panted louder, rubbing his forehead. …If he were really here, he’d be mad.b599196b0539e404

Realizing he 6b78c17e08 wasn’t here 9604576f17 cooled him 18a9f0e251 down. Clara closed his eyes, d1e7ecdcf6 trying his best to ef26e2cbc9 imagine him.019b4c2686f611af

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He wanted e4a355b969 to see 14f32ea828 him, who 4e59098127 couldn’t push e406ed1a2f him away 07b04e9413 despite his f40b136993 fiery anger 172463ce14 after crossing 0e5eac00e7 the line. He wished 69525eb4d7 those big 4749c97a17 hands, capable 8450b4c6e3 of crushing 1de51498de a head, c6df2d2048 would gently f96e776bdb stroke his 02170c7124 back. He wanted to 18ccacbcab see those fingers, 6b1ac9f22e moving slowly like 74fc5de42a down feathers, afraid 864cac9da1 of hurting him. Mimicking the ticklish sensation, 1209862370 he took off his 1559e3c3f6 top and slowly rubbed 501f33c5fb his upper body up 4cbdd68280 and down.bcc8851b110b731f

…It’s scratchy. Maybe he should’ve gotten something of better quality. This feels quite different.6308445824d7a45e

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“Haa.”fae0231d05e12ee3

The mood broke, 9b7915b951 and he scratched 97acb3f84e the fabric with 261675419e his toes. It didn’t satisfy him 09687b24ce at all. But he couldn’t take eb719cfef5 out the items with 7b54a6ed43 his scent. Those were for Ivan b22e6ca416 to use when he bc2b35cdba returned.0719de161a50826e

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But his gaze c66daf64ec kept drifting to 2b492cab67 one side of 7c50feb3b8 the desk.af1ae9d58b51c6e7

The items 059482c31f were neatly 9bdb9f0647 arranged as b0f790b5d4 if he’d f3c2fb201d used them f5519cbf6a yesterday. Being right 7e74131c26 in sight, eeb5422756 his patience 9ed50f16c6 was wearing e2487a4b5c thin. Ah, it’s a bit b7c50b2577 dangerous. He might ruin 97b1b569df another book at c7c0b93273 this rate. If he 477849ab10 ruins more, b2a20333de Ivan will 1617fc3c05 notice when 6ce63a5f77 he returns.0313e0d2fd85e586

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He could 8079cbaa39 make excuses, d95f37c253 but he fd69a7da0b knew he’d e56459ade9 want to f15d3f5b8f confess if a19e3e440d Ivan asked 7e36b04206 where he d2bc8482fc used it. Even though df228eaff4 he couldn’t 5ad55d998e handle the 05789eb3f7 aftermath.d57b7c78e41d6110

After some thought, Clara 6529e8cc17 carefully picked up a 77090b5359 quill. Since no existing fountain 383640a24c pen suited his hand, 75a57eba5d Ivan favored a quill 948219fd85 made from the first 6cf4afffb2 feather of a hawk. Magic-made ones turned e8ee22536e mushy and leaked 635319fb25 ink when he 0c80af15fa got angry.33350371f045a264

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His pupils a5b58114f6 wavered as 66ec826584 he looked 7d30a2cb88 at the ee8f0bdc48 long body 066c8193dc of the 3831d323ce quill.a9b68a7908bd4449

Since it’s a 45a95e8308 consumable, couldn’t he d729ad3689 just give him 9d371b2847 another one? He wouldn’t question its 358c7898c6 disappearance, right? It’s just e83e95e4eb a new 6d6e474b8f feather.ee9e3dd649ba898a

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With a guilty 1184e73106 heart, he lightly 64920b94af kissed it. There was 81d457aa12 no scent 37606e2f85 left, but 0de3208695 he felt 5cfb3a924e a definite e367df56e3 connection.999e15f49b4e0717

He rubbed his 9b6ea43a69 hips against the 210de462b4 coat wedged between 6ab7627d68 his thighs. The friction wasn’t enough, 1150d2c2c9 so he pulled the 6fade80670 fabric tighter. Covering himself 74f176e7cd entirely felt 500e3ff3fd good. Unlike the c36116912a cloak, he 8c2393e4ba panted, rubbing bd4685b494 his cheek b6f976b3c8 against it. Though he wasn’t doing 6c3e0be248 anything, his expression was ce0095561b dazed, and his breath c405737171 from his parted lips 6272a8c46a was irregular.d01fc02c6b9fd6a8

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…He wanted to see him.887a7fb792317ad9

He wanted to 40c5c014be cover his gentle, 824ce26039 soft face with 7b4963bdb0 kisses, telling him 288585f3d8 he did well f234bbd4a8 today, that he f7f71f61e5 worked hard. Clara liked that. Someone’s farewell. A greeting. Actions implying they’d meet 240cbeaa2d again, that they had eb13066209 met again. He liked 1009697476 straightforward and 4c53dc9657 direct things, 160d58bde2 but the 93bbdd095e person next 6750241cb4 to him f387a97d11 wasn’t like cae096c363 that, so 78491789fc he lost 2c49240a44 consistency in ecd91f73bf his preferences.76c58b56b8d7e896

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‘Even if it’s just b026936867 a preference, it’s mostly 0b1f5733f8 a fantasy.’cfcbc455ddf06f0c

Still, still…08615a82bdefdf1c

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It didn’t feel awkward 1abfdd6763 at all for him cc7169ca12 to say such things, 599031533f making it feel a 5de813cae6 bit realistic.7c35749ca09cf9d0

“Mm, huh…”756c148a11fabe53

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His restless movements 12d73dc218 quickened. A pillow caught between 8810bb8df0 his curled toes.75e340738f3726b2

For a moment, 7b6305b1dc it felt like 88c707581f a large hand eac75880f0 gently rubbing the 6f783a0633 soft skin between 3781dc3bd0 his little toes. Clara shuddered, arching his 9ac2b19b82 back. His flexible waist a3343bbd7c bent once in 3c746dce6c the air before 1f483b627b collapsing to the de55633c2e floor.b979f48e293d72c5

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“……”08cbbad00ab14602

Clara, who had briefly 1f98f4df67 reached a peak, silently 5ec7870d67 pressed the pillow with 36240a7b3b his toes.7c44c14b314f8ddc

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“When are you coming?”d62d01f0a04e89d3

Half guilt, half regret, e6709946fe and a bit of 00e7385028 anger made his cheeks b3936dc178 flush as he kicked f4deead109 the pillow. But the heat didn’t 2cd0b9f8b7 fully dissipate, so he 27e572e21a wrapped himself tightly in fa616f187c the blanket, blaming the 59728fdf1d weather.93716c6937b4c314

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Thinking about bb957ede56 him made c49b707bdf him want ce6496feff to see dec2360d32 him even bf723c4503 more.e2ce1a11de8b84f4

Ivan. He murmured the 847c0ecb67 name, curling up.2d4eeeb23c30821f

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When he thought be5547b2a3 of him, the cce529c706 first thing that 3e23ba5513 came to mind 84b06b8ce7 was the mysterious 3cc3627042 magic. Specifically, what he 337c54a70a claimed was magic. The invisible 8405919bb3 thing that 39feae806d wrapped around fcea3e45e0 him from 8046525b48 his toes a142b4e729 when he ffe8c89fbb was happy, 21397dea00 asleep, or 5ad98629a2 scared. Its thickness and texture.0c9a9c9703c39690

If he 21c5480ba6 said he 5636d5d8f9 remembered him ce7ade2dc2 from their 050921cf40 first meeting, 1083cd6235 what excuse 19982808b6 would he 72131e1dee make? Would he still 9ef441b0a9 claim that thick 67ce91faf4 white tail was 721798229a just an illusion?142172c4e28ae908

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Or would he, with his long silver hair draped over his chest, squeeze him tightly on the bed, kiss him oppressively…095ccb13f91213b3

Ping, his head throbbed. It was excitement-induced. Just from that! Clara, slightly 2f4aa08ac6 annoyed at 83e80f309d his paper-thin c6c61e23b7 body, bit 52dd7f4ee6 his lip 5ad6b30f5f and kissed 4534b6ed4f the cloak 1a831a7b87 one last 3be8c6b626 time. Just like bca79a69e3 Ivan always cfd5e75183 bit the 2be51cecee back of 9c0144fae9 his neck 42f9ef99bf at the 0fd1433160 end of cafca72ca7 a long 9109a7ac88 kiss. Crushing the thick 4406e85a58 collar compared to 83c84f73bf the hem brought 0bf2073616 back memories of 4146514f77 a voice mixed de41bac814 with distress and d2d3c30bca joy.87dac640d7bad640

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