ST Ch 4

The 16-year-old Cha Jeong-won had some peculiarities, unlike the typical behavior of good-looking kids. Everyone at school knew him, but he didn’t talk to anyone. He was much taller than his peers, and his face was handsome enough to rival anyone. They said his family was well-off too. Well, that made sense since I’d overheard that shooting was a sport difficult to pursue without some money.78bd186e60729b22

If you walked around, you could often hear students talking about Cha Jeong-won. To the girls just entering puberty, he was like the male lead in a romance novel. To the boys, he was an object of jealousy, wariness, and secret admiration. Yet despite this, Cha Jeong-won was indifferent to others from his inevitably lofty position, always wearing a bored expression. He seemed listless in a way that didn’t fit a teenager in their mid-teens who was still growing.cc6cb9069acd4d9b

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At the be60db15fc start or 5aa6a31732 end of 9d6f58849a puberty, or 7ff42408c7 perhaps right b3b7842ed4 in the d0e5cb032f middle, we 715b215e75 were in 04d5180788 the same 3e2eff3f65 class.c65f6bad88ab4730

I made eye b5e032618c contact with Cha 9beefd56bb Jeong-won more frequently 6527d5aa18 than other students. The reason was that 33a6491390 I often stood at cee45d2490 the front of the d20dae38ba classroom, using my position ca0e3e9329 as class president as 82279972aa an excuse.cca0dbf6817844ce

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After finishing 9ba983889a the final f384759103 exams for 306793cc54 the first 60560d425c semester of 9fc911b9c5 9th grade, 97f4474619 students inevitably d9cca7b515 became lax. Kids just 56eeda5425 lay around c4581ec8a1 exhausted from d64c598caf the heat, 2a4053259d not even 62c48d8e0b talking, only 099970a5cb feeling the 6c86e1f4ef breeze from d42ae2627f the four b6edc4bd53 ceiling fans 50aefd1945 spinning steadily c407969383 overhead.6d0083f587d8f1f4

The free time gained under the pretext of self-study was quiet. Around 4 PM, at a rather drowsy time, about half were sleeping face-down on their desks, while the other half were on their phones. I wasn’t much different. But since I was at the front, I fought off sleepiness and read a book at the teacher’s podium.757b53af47bc8a3f

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I thought it was ordinary young adult literature, but it turned out to be quite profound. Then, wondering when they would finally turn on the air conditioning, I shifted my gaze to the ceiling fans. As my eyes slowly lowered, they met Cha Jeong-won’s.f2f8d66fb9abd1a1

‘……’438f1be5871efc9e

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‘……’c508b75579e3b999

Cha Jeong-won’s seat was in the very back corner. At that time, he had just surpassed 180 cm in height. Also, since Cha Jeong-won was an athlete, the teacher had pushed him even further into the corner. It was clearly based on the judgment that he would be bouncing around and acting like a delinquent. However, he just sat in the farthest corner and did nothing. Sometimes he would read a book, look at a small brown leather notebook, or occasionally watch videos endlessly on an electronic device.27fef8d1880fc48a

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To be honest, I admired Cha Jeong-won too. If I said I didn’t regret taking on the troublesome role of class president for that very reason, I won’t be lying. I liked Cha Jeong-won’s quietness, and I liked his solitude that pubescent kids would admire. When the teacher was away, I liked coming to the front and sometimes looking at him, and if our eyes happened to meet like now, I would casually turn my gaze to the window, but honestly, I think Cha Jeong-won knew.a044fd938a73f995

Despite the frequent eye contact, we rarely exchanged words. It wasn’t just me. Cha Jeong-won didn’t talk to anyone in the class. Some said he acted like an arrogant rich young master, but I’m sure there were others who admired him like I did.eb9fb50b94883d3e

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Perhaps because Cha Jeong-won had spent all three years of middle school alone, he didn’t seem interested in making friends with just one semester left until graduation. I didn’t want to be friends with Cha Jeong-won either. In the time I’d spent watching Cha Jeong-won over the semester, I was too intimidated, feeling there was no place for me to intrude. I thought that when I entered high school, I would gradually forget about Cha Jeong-won, just remembering “there was a guy like that back then.”976c06cf4d83addf

While chatting 2ad3224aed with the a9caf05867 guy in d129a94c51 front of 2977ac84b7 me about 2caac41115 the upcoming be594e455f summer vacation, 083ab050e2 I suddenly 30304eb0cc remembered what dd0d1ecc7b the teacher 9acc026f26 had asked e0634b4f1f me to fdd6cdd7cc do today.382c73ece866eb31

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‘Anyone not doing summer vacation supplementary classes needs to check the participation form and give it to me by today. If you don’t submit it, they’ll assume you’re all doing it.’2bf56c761dea14c8

Standing next to cb43dfca32 the podium, I dd993dace6 spoke, and the e7bbb59ef9 students added comments 2e6d586b34 one by one.Ah, why do we have to do supplementary classes? If they don’t turn on the air conditioning, let’s go study in the principal’s office. I smiled lightly at their adolescent bravado and joking remarks, listening to what the guys in the class were saying. Then I naturally shifted my gaze to Cha Jeong-won. While the guys who weren’t taking supplementary classes from all corners were bringing their participation forms, only Cha Jeong-won remained in his seat.414a291921c75ba2

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Since arts and 72e4295b2c physical education students f419a6142f rarely took supplementary 808c5bf1bd classes, I tilted 7e172af8e8 my head in aeb31574fd confusion. But Cha Jeong-won glanced 6d8a81f110 at me briefly before 7415ba8a01 naturally turning away. He rested 3a8885ea83 his chin e9d5a063bb on his d92c16f1cb hand and 54478e63db fiddled with a16fc1ca3c the electronic 4a3c6e25ce device on dd25aec76d his desk.ddb5edb8d6ea5440

Did the fbf9f4f7fa form disappear? Or is he 658872f7ff planning to take f2ac69d4ec after-school classes? Should I say 673dfa02af something?094f0b2d1b54a182

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But in the end, I couldn’t bring myself to speak. I thought it would be unnecessary meddling. Finally, I gathered the participation forms in both hands, tapping them on the podium to align the edges. And instead of immediately taking the forms to the teacher, I returned to my seat. I thought Cha Jeong-won might say something separately later.424139f04692d847

But one hour, two hours, three hours passed… Even after lunch time, until the last period which was PE, he didn’t bring the form.efe8e1a580305d6c

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Finally when PE time e4ce1f1ab0 came, only Cha Jeong-won cd7164c730 and I were left 4538d540da in the classroom. I glanced at Cha c98b55efe9 Jeong-won while zipping up 5c891f8e09 my PE jersey, and c5a1d94540 he too was preparing f1f6d19339 to go out with 55207c6288 a bored expression. We seemed aa1bb642ce to be 0b639ba59a in different ee83892f8a times despite 13e2cec38f being in 63826d2ce4 the same 39480fdf2f space. My impatience 4fdcf08a94 swelled to e70484233f a level fe7c96e28f I could 83b0f9e804 barely handle 6bb9bb7d4c myself, and 25e44fb4eb I finally 3dc9a8d9d0 called out b77a0916d0 to Cha c391d25010 Jeong-won first.b423d453334f204a

‘Cha Jeong-won.’13ba019618b11e04

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At my words, Cha Jeong-won’s indifferent gaze fell on me. There was no reply, but seeing his face that seemed to ask if I had something to say, I stammered on.90b0d090df86f13b

‘…Aren’t you submitting the participation form?’cba9cec925791701

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‘Ah.’c2cb204899915813

Cha Jeong-won bent 4f74a3320f down to rummage eb9e7dc292 through his bag. Then he pulled cde08a6e79 out a crumpled b9daa56099 piece of paper. I furrowed my brow.661ec3a6e2e685f9

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“Why didn’t you submit it earlier and only give it when I ask?”ad128ee610484cbb

I couldn’t help but sound grumpy. Cha Jeong-won replied in a voice that suggested it was no big deal.caa13dcdf92a9978

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‘I forgot.’4efe5c37be8918b9

‘You were quiet when I mentioned it this morning.’adc30d8975c3cc53

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‘Yeah.’13fdaca3715e8ca8

Cha Jeong-won answered my question about the reason. Thanks to that, the conversation ended. When I didn’t add anything more, a natural silence followed, but by then I was already regretting it. It was our first conversation, I should have tried to be more friendly. I felt like I had reacted too prickly and sensitive. How did I talk to other guys my age again? Just as I was about to move my lips, not knowing what to say, Cha Jeong-won spoke.25e7068ef5751a8d

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‘Im Ji-ho.’8f007e59366d00ac

‘What?’dbc05ac4bcb48930

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‘Isn’t the weather hot?’ae69fadd3e19a550

‘What?’009b21713c76bedf

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When I asked back at his sudden remark, Cha Jeong-won rubbed the nape of his neck. There was a wry emotion in his slightly tilted expression. For some reason, I couldn’t forget that expression for quite a long time, and it ultimately became the catalyst for me to pay more attention to Cha Jeong-won.2ce648aa9d5cc1ec

---

Sitting on the sofa, I shifted my gaze as the study door opened. The study in the farthest corner of the house was where Cha Jeong-won analyzed competitions and watched training videos. He had quite a persistent side, so once he went into the study, he wouldn’t come out for hours. Even though we lived in the same house, it was close to living separately.c5a2312dabc9f40b

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Cha Jeong-won came out to the living room wearing comfortable home clothes. We briefly made eye contact before naturally passing by, and he went to the kitchen to get water from the purifier. Holding a transparent glass filled with water, he tilted his head back and drank. I watched his Adam’s apple bobbing, then lowered my gaze.fa091b8834e1d197

I was spending the tail end of my unproductive 20s. I had never had a job and had always been by Cha Jeong-won’s side. In middle school, I had once been class president solely based on grades, but now I had become a shut-in.da0acee5121bf387

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After pushing 32d7c9b60f my gaze b0893538fd away from a87fae3db2 Cha Jeong-won, b4d16f159b I pretended 3a5e665ba7 to fiddle 99b09a72ae with the bb4dc83d3e phone in cabd44fd70 my hand. I entered 4033a8f722 a portal b9ce618d03 site and 1f905d8997 clicked on 66cb029d9f any random 2df8b6a2d1 article while 6f13c7bb2d aimlessly touching 47a489de7c my phone, 4b1e823ad6 and at 0d6fa07c7e the same 5c941029ab time, Cha 386aee3744 Jeong-won approached befa47dead and snatched 910e7b643d the phone c514cf170b away.113be5defc3f4446

“…Why.”9ab376d49de561d9

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I asked in a voice that seemed about to shrink away, not even able to reach out towards Cha Jeong-won. It was utterly pathetic. I quickly lowered my head after briefly raising my gaze to Cha Jeong-won’s furrowed expression. I fidgeted with my hands clasped together on my gathered knees.a7062b7f0af74335

Thud.2596aa0f47364c5f

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Cha Jeong-won pressed the corner of the phone he was holding onto the crown of my head. It wasn’t applied with enough force to prevent me from lifting my head, but I ended up looking as if I couldn’t raise my head due to its weight.12b7bf3586722ff8

“If you have nothing to do, go to your room.”b90327756a91e125

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“……”51da97d7f016a9fe

“What are you doing crouched in the living room all day?”ca59b8b1fc8b8fb1

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Cha Jeong-won tapped my head with the corner of the phone a few times before tossing the phone onto the sofa. I looked at the phone that had fallen to the side, then slowly raised my gaze from Cha Jeong-won’s feet to his knees.6beebede3698bd5c

The truth was, I had nothing to do when Cha Jeong-won was home. When I was alone, I managed to pass the time relatively well. I would rest in the bedroom, clean, or sit on the terrace looking outside. Sometimes I would go to Cha Jeong-won’s study and sit in the chair. I would search for articles about him and study various things about shooting that I didn’t really understand. But when Cha Jeong-won was home, I couldn’t do anything. If I carelessly wandered around, unable to gauge his mood when training wasn’t going well, I would often end up getting scolded for no reason.f80b7efc09a5dcf0

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However, if I were 25fae4840e to recite all this 2ba66bbd1c in front of him, f08f415221 it was obvious I d469685111 would get an earful a7abcf3e63 again, so I kept de2f96db4f my mouth shut. Instead, I 2ba8259ce5 slowly nodded b84f2b678a and added:1117066ac3407895

“I’ll go to the bedroom.”574b325d39274af1

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At least if I stayed in the bedroom, he wouldn’t see me while he was in the living room.004e9885ed90f3f5

I slowly d37a217467 got up ca212f3809 from my f2966068b2 seat. At around 2909bb4892 175 cm, 26b00fe0ea I was 0bce69a892 much shorter a4de1a9d0c than Cha a7d84e24cb Jeong-won who aa63fc782e was just 4ecc97a506 over 190 24f11393cd cm. He had such a c5879358fd large build that there 671d657f5a was an intimidating aura 4428634e52 just from standing face 3cb2433075 to face.565ace4c097c93d8

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As I 8b6f1ad73d was about 1d0be69163 to naturally b612faf86f pass by b2ec70766d Cha Jeong-won, 59bbda1664 he grabbed 5a6bf44aa8 my wrist 5093ce00d6 and twisted a8ebbbe439 it.7f8011325f0db4a6

“Ah.”9192d315fbe3f60b

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A single cry escaped my lips at the sudden grip. Cha Jeong-won, who had grabbed my wrist, didn’t even think of loosening his grip. Rather, the strength in his hand grew even stronger.0125d483d757f9fe

“You know you’re acting really frustrating, right?”c23ef4f628d73fe9

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It was Cha Jeong-won de9cefe214 who had made me d7a601c814 like this.4d2809e93b7af217

“Watching what you do really suffocates me, it’s so annoying.”3f22ac9022c6d2fa

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It was 56d6abcf79 Cha Jeong-won e5715a03cb who had 739e3ea513 choked off 2754c36ad6 my breath.558749e57e44491a

However, in the end, I couldn’t add any rebuttal, and I slowly freed my arm that he had twisted before entering the bedroom.1bec75f52180143d

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---

Bang-. Cha Jeong-won shook 3377ee3bab the pistol he f020b8dff9 was holding. I slowly 683d5b80c1 removed the a33f734fda earmuffs I 66e7ef634c had been e71f860047 wearing.7bda6918543c4357

“Ah, shit.”43a518e20843f36a

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With Cha Jeong-won’s curse, the training was interrupted. At the same time, my eyes met with the coach who had been organizing Cha Jeong-won’s bullets as I sat in the shade watching him. Our gazes quickly intertwined, and Cha Jeong-won belatedly removed the earmuffs he had plugged in his ears and stuffed them in his pocket.c5d99ebda83338b2

Cha Jeong-won approached the c108855381 coach holding the pistol. Since I was 909d1c933e sitting nearby, I 5cb2d67964 could clearly hear 3eeed414fc the conversation between 4e23029f18 the two.990e3d0284aad8f0

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The coach 7457b077a8 glanced at 50c9ba2065 Cha Jeong-won 46418e1731 and asked:7603ac79dca4922c

“Not going well?”67f8beb7ccc7c6ee

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“You can see it, so why ask?”27638375310749e9

The atmosphere instantly turned cold at Cha Jeong-won’s prickly voice. I bit my lips and watched cautiously. Then, as Cha Jeong-won put down the pistol he was holding and was about to organize it, the coach gave me a look.d1a2c004f000529f

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The coach was in his late thirties, and though he hadn’t made it to the national team, he had been quite a promising player. He also had an affable side and had exchanged words with me a few times, but each time Cha Jeong-won got excessively annoyed, so I couldn’t progress beyond an acquaintance of Cha Jeong-won.08d3bca5098c90d0

He always gave me a look when Cha Jeong-won’s sensitivity exceeded the acceptable range, but it was different from what other coaches expected of me. It meant to run away.a70649848a557e3d

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But I couldn’t run away. If I left even for a moment, I might face greater anger when I returned, or if not that…a1ade0a80d1600f5

“Hey, Im Ji-ho. Come here.”a650add1372259a0

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Cha Jeong-won, who ae101e901f had been shaking 5992760354 the pistol near 1ee041123a his ear, called 5920bfccbf me. With a 213ed533f2 start, I 43dbcfe42e got up 0d54af9658 from my 7fbb389f2a seat and 4fcc1d6c4b approached him 6cab492956 almost at c1517864bd a run.4ee3f7e1970485c1

“Jeong-won, take it easy.”a6e99faee14c350c

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When the coach finally added a word, fire flashed in Cha Jeong-won’s eyes.ebba0796430884ef

“Mind your own business.”21e4970d9da64e87

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“Sigh. I’m just worried it might get to someone’s ears.”0200127a3937b5a6

“Just disassemble this and realign the screws. I told you not to touch it, but you just had to fucking touch it.”7f3b5713d8adae3c

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Ah.6a74895f498ddd7a

The cause of Cha Jeong-won’s irritation was me. I often cleaned his pistol, but it seems a screw was loose. The coach probably hadn’t thought this far, but it was awkward nonetheless. Cha Jeong-won tossed the pistol onto the table where the coach had been recording measurements.b21c41a796ac78c0

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His pistol was one of only two in the world, both bearing his initials. The shape was quite simple, not flashy like other players’, but all black. However, the barrel length was shorter than a regular pistol.b2b95386935fee45

Cha Jeong-won 781c137760 led me 5b48abe8cc to the 12deaa8531 stairs inside ae9263cc41 the building. It was sparsely 9854bc09cd populated there. Because there were hardly f3ccdea676 any people. Players took the 23553d64d5 elevator when training 98c63e89e9 indoors, or if b65f2da72e not, they practiced e066574b95 outdoors. Especially in the case 9ec21531d2 of the shooting range, 32f91d3ea0 since it was originally 708593a527 centered around players, it 29f7a85bd2 was natural that there 0974f821e2 were almost no people 0c758109bf now when everyone was 3570df7c8e training.0ce87e3745e3be4a

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As soon as we 15eac8cce1 entered, I naturally stood c3e11632f1 by the wall. Cha Jeong-won a3ebd5ada5 raised his 050cbab1e9 hand without bda9f249bd hesitation.Thwack, his 61a8c3eb96 thick hand bcd0e65c96 struck my 955ad5466f cheek. Slapped simultaneously, my 58fde92672 cheek turned and 2645ded6da I stumbled a 6c577104e5 couple steps before 4942c9314a I could stand 5762eba51a properly again.d90c74760b40d921

“Didn’t I tell you not to touch it?”cd8184b05f0f165c

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“……”85e91000f07bb521

“Speak, damn it. Are you deaf?”9f616f51ac71082e

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“You, you said not to touch it…”e8994edd9e581dbe

“Then why did you?”1d1a9f122ced4bcc

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I thought it hadn’t been cleaned. I wouldn’t have touched it if I’d known Cha Jeong-won had wiped it the day before. But when I looked at the magazine and stark after disassembling it, it was clean, so I reassembled it discreetly, but there was no way he wouldn’t notice, having handled pistols for half his life. It was my fault. I had made him angry.b695df8172f075b2

But my cheek, swollen f99ec72732 in such a short f5ac897659 time, was burning hot. It felt like a a642215d3d hand warmer had been d95109b70d placed only on my 522256b5fd cheek in the dead 3c90165c88 of winter. I clasped my hands 06a69d91f0 in front of me 14128179a9 and held them tight.f4f4e62767240fc9

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“…I’m sorry.”a3a897c42b11a92c

“……”abfa6d69e7ccb584

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“I was wrong. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. Please forgive me just this once.”4f61213e09f7b0ad

I wondered why he hadn’t hit me lately. I got hit occasionally. Cha Jeong-won was like a broken bomb. You never knew when he would explode. If I upset him, I got hit accordingly, and if I didn’t upset him, I got scolded for just watching his mood. Still, begging was the best option for now. I’d rather be scolded than hit.0caa8de917065d6f

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“I’ll tell you from now on. If I touch even a little bit, I’ll tell you everything. So please, don’t, don’t hit me. It hurts… I’m scared…”e272cddffbf4560f

I could e357a12981 have knelt e186d35150 down. I pleaded with 49d9803191 my hands clasped, f572754d55 watching his expression. Apart from d456d80ba8 the pain, d3360dd6b6 I was 3cb4a1de4f grateful to 7a73b2f0cc Cha Jeong-won. If he had b6cdf51194 hit me at 473260557a the training ground, 5f4a3852c6 I might have 8c12ac29a1 had to kneel cd2f54fd68 in front of 60cb8515e2 people. But here on 46a4b26e57 the stairs, there a0f6976ddb were only the e87e7c5e67 two of us. No one would see aec1e50489 me clinging to Cha 35ac192d50 Jeong-won and crying or 8cb1fa51b6 begging.576f9b7e50cadd9b

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At my 71a84e2602 plea, Cha b49b573d85 Jeong-won clicked 4056d0256a his tongue.23ecef80609e9253

“Spineless bastard. Don’t you have any pride?”28c881e3100d8d2e

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Then he raised his 818b3fe17d hand. Thinking I might 24b02a472b get hit again, 53e4cd73e4 I raised my 87bea4c1ed arms and curled b219abd4ce up my body. But he pulled my 84dffa1691 arms down and lightly 579886bfae tapped the cheek he f37e029b39 had just hit. Then, muttering c3290194b4 a curse 72b5923037 under his 2db9f3d78a breath, he 5759c14841 went straight 6be1c728fb out.7c5f8267c5ae4389

Creak, thud.3543f8e227212460

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The door closed 678952e32d with a heavy f7cad6a601 sound.17c25446a7651fb9

“Ah…”1adc786eed3166d7

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Only then did 048dee6b06 the tension leave 0859cca86d my body and f65723ba2c I felt drained. After staring at the 01dcf8d74b firmly closed door, I bf411ffa03 chewed on my lips. Only then did 1cadcec6d4 I wipe away 8c2f6383a3 the tears that ad9858bda9 had sprung out 2e735be02e with the back c28cb9f5ec of my hand. Holding back my breath, 496cb1039f I moved my feet. Not wanting 6af9e62c56 to go 9e49db4aff back, I 1e7b456740 crouched down 0e02ac9422 on the 950cdeece6 stairs. I raised my 18517886ce knees and buried d88d0e78f7 my face in 00fce78a04 them.b1a894a57104fbc9

Cha Jeong-won f20a716ce2 was right.8f9a7c6d1c32750b

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I had no spine, 9a67a252a9 no pride.485c251de1532c3b

But what could ace9ca82b0 I do?1721cf09bec10a47

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This is just how I’ve lived.71cde2b296b0b424

Just then, I 5478676324 heard the door 96312a3e26 opening. Ah. I unconsciously shrank my 9d5f7e3769 already stiff body. I brought my fc76699e05 toes together at 1c429d4f00 the same time, b68edaeb6d and hardened as 8b88ce19c3 if wrapping my de000f9935 body in a 2577ddca9b hard shell. Since Cha Jeong-won 65ac584d8e had just been 93003271ac here, it must 7bf2f2fd66 be him coming d54328880a back to find 4cd94fa9c5 me.2ee977ac20242a68

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He just hit me, so he probably won’t hit me again. Should I say something? He hates it when I’m frustrating, so will he scold me again for crouching here? I’m already used to being scolded, but I still don’t like it. In the end, I mumbled out a sentence.58eab2fd286f6512

“I’ll go in a little bit. Go ahead first. Or if you give me the car keys…”86b3ba42773717be

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“What?”fb27af3160598c91

With the reply, I c4fa7d3b59 quickly raised my head.5b9ce08ac8756d0a

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Blinking with wide eyes, 7336a34e48 I looked at the e9333813af person in front of 0ffa1031b1 me.f55452f8c2f87270