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    I barely managed to squeeze out my voice. Even though there was no way he couldn’t hear me, Cha Jeong-won didn’t respond. Did it mean he didn’t want to hear such whining? I didn’t say anything more, biting my lips and tightening my grip on the hand I was holding.280507d25b56d91c

    Squelch, squelch. The wet sounds made 25385bdb8c the air damp and 026fcc9a18 moist as he probed ef4d52719c deeper inside.2f135a5112a986d0

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    The unfamiliar sensation of d6252163c3 being penetrated below was 61e19409bf still painful, despite having 4fb46fb578 been intimate with him 493866e73b for a long time. Along with b0b05df2aa the feeling 06649062ff of fire 00a31431e7 blazing down 6dddd967e9 below, I b857c17013 tensed the ad8b982d8f tips of 7c446a7452 my toes b5c98e528e as I 5fdb9e0a21 had to 50f458e6b9 stand on d2a39cd412 both feet a06fa634e3 with nothing 4264d68e5c to lean ad26846b66 on.815719ca30180bff

    “Hnn, uh, ngh…”13e030c6f297e214

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    I bit my dc0310ecc8 lip and barely c5d9a8548c managed to breathe. The three fingers that aca48e7dca had settled inside pressed e340ff625d against my inner walls, 20fb0de657 moving busily to expand f3f00da494 the opening. After a moment, the 9251eed512 fingers that had been 3d96eee1e7 probing inside slowly pulled 3a1b85d95f out. The tension that had db1b508973 been coursing through my 9bc59a3c3d body melted away.36d567d4f148d91f

    “Come up here.”56fb45071fd02e8d

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    Cha Jeong-won commanded simply. I naturally settled onto his thighs, as if obeying his words. Without any shame, I bent my knees and spread my legs in an M-shape. Sitting on Cha Jeong-won’s firm, muscular thighs, I reached out to fondle his genitals. I hesitated briefly at his erect penis, which had quickly become hard again despite having ejaculated once already.cce1f612082011d6

    “What are you doing, not putting it in? You cry saying it feels good when I thrust it in from behind.”2d7ed34586b5c215

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    As always, penetration was scary. But Cha Jeong-won clearly needed this act. No matter how many times I made him ejaculate with my mouth, hands, sometimes nipples, sometimes thighs, he wanted the act of pushing into something and releasing. And I wasn’t the only one who could fulfill that act for him.730329b29225c15e

    Should I be grateful just for him coming home? The more I thought about it, the firmer my resolve became. For some reason, I felt like I might cry. I remembered the article I had seen before he arrived. Cha Jeong-won said he hadn’t slept with the woman he was seen leaving the hotel with, but no one really knew. I couldn’t trust him. But I had to believe him.d7d96b1b039b6721

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    I chewed on my lip for a moment before lifting my hips. My knees and the backs of my thighs tensed. I positioned my lower half, which had been made wet and sloppy by Cha Jeong-won’s fingers, against his penis and slowly lowered my weight.ac43f7fd75c3bc41

    “Ah, aah…”7b2aee3690d232ac

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    A pained sound escaped my throat from the pain and anticipation of the heavy act to come. With nowhere to place my hands, I gripped my bent knees. The glans slowly began to settle inside. But I couldn’t let my guard down just because it had entered. Cha Jeong-won’s penis grew thicker towards the middle compared to the glans.e84b8fb7b569b6bc

    I felt like 57f41c4ac4 I might gag. His penis filling me f8417a28a9 up completely left me 5732dda5d6 helpless, like a tsunami 1a9397cfd0 sweeping over a coastal 36bcca8f7b city.33f6ea22fadf2071

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    “Stop being so annoying.”82199c7d66de0081

    Cha Jeong-won said with 9b94f6672b a frown. He seemed fed bcae1391d9 up with me 260e3d2b99 fumbling around despite 439f08f337 having done this db764c8893 many times before.1eefdd6f12c8ddb2

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    “Ngh, sorry…”f43a316ea61e2b05

    I barely managed 8ef3cd532f to squeeze out 8767e631b3 my voice and 9ab34e6255 put a bit 950a233e7a more force into fb1c036160 my lower half. It felt like 4a6171c64f just a little ae94a2ba4b more and it 187c8903e4 would all be 44f733d4bd inside, but my 286eceddc1 toes were curling 415303f36d and my calves 169a3e9954 were tensing painfully.193718a797520a0f

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    “Just, hah, put it in already.”6557a82c10def613

    “Ah…! Haa, nngh…”f2de807db9933f9f

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    Cha Jeong-won 762250aa33 grabbed my a8e7689ee5 waist and 5a914c98e8 made me 3ccd4cbe16 sit down c36f305eb3 fully. Without realizing it, my 969678cf92 back arched inward and 77ad1cfdb9 I let out a ec93081983 sound like a shriek.8a2c3cd0fc9f1902

    The penis firmly settled inside felt vivid. Breathing felt awkward, so I exhaled in short bursts – ‘hah, hnn.’ The sensation below was strange as always. It should have become familiar by now, but it hadn’t. That aspect must be annoying and tiresome. I always acted like a novice whenever I tried to get physically intimate.fc02d1a80d0499f0

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    While I was adjusting to the penis filling me up inside, Cha Jeong-won’s face drew closer to mine. I looked at his approaching face before squeezing my eyes shut. But our lips didn’t meet. He firmly grasped my jaw with one hand, tilting my head back. I opened my eyes slightly to look at him. He buried his face in my neck, sucking hard with his lips before biting down firmly.b9fed00a2d741b71

    “Ugh…”9afc9d116c9a6fd1

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    Pain washed 6fe5b50356 over me. A sound e80061beae escaped my 38817b7c1f lips as fc7f38b3ea my movements 490eedd60f were involuntarily 59b803abe8 cut off. He raised his f97448f4b8 eyes to meet 3ce5a9b104 my gaze.28c7334edfb70896

    “What are you doing not moving?”74e892fdb9bf927b

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    At his b71aab65ac dry voice, a113880e7e I slowly ba79c46e5c began to bcea5c8288 move my 480cae93ba body. I lifted my body 8629a0c9d5 until my legs ached 395155fe6a with muscle strain, then 1311003713 sat back down.81d30fd7c7556c93

    When I pulled da21a1e3c3 my body up 46348095ef and his penis e2bbe2645c slipped out halfway, 72b1036ab7 I inhaled. When I plopped back ad47f1e3ec down at his touch 08bc5c0bc2 with a thud, my 20923a5f8d breath caught.Ugh, ugh, ngh.Only muffled sounds 60bcba5391 kept escaping my 9538c72bc6 lips.99f091397fa9fd31

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    I wasn’t sure if I was doing it properly. My body after penetration was difficult to handle on my own. All my nerves were focused solely on Cha Jeong-won. I was anxious to read his reactions. Cha Jeong-won knew this too.a78669953c8cf9ac

    “Fondle your nipples.”3220701da56e7c56

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    So he gave such crude orders to me, who was supposed to be his lover. I obediently raised my hands to fondle both of my nipples at Cha Jeong-won’s words. All the while, I didn’t stop moving my lower body up and down busily. While Cha Jeong-won buried his face in my neck, licking my skin incessantly, I had to rock my hips on top of him while pulling on my nipples.43949fad74b2ad7f

    But the most pathetic thing was…57caf59bf4713741

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    Even while claiming all my nerves were focused on Cha Jeong-won, I was already fully erect below, my penis sticking firmly to my stomach. Just from being connected with Cha Jeong-won, from him sucking on my neck, from us being naked together late in the evening – just from these things alone I was overwhelmed with excitement.aa6266d3b1de71b6

    “Haa, ah, ah… Ah, ngh…”4654b98f5b91d945

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    Slap, slap! Along with the sound of skin meeting skin, I lowered my body deeply. At the same time, Cha Jeong-won lifted his hips. As if my full weight bearing down wasn’t enough to make me erect, when Cha Jeong-won thrust up forcefully, I shuddered and let out a “Hic…!” sound as if having a seizure.7a20190e8c1e5944

    “Hnn, hnng…”6a4166b71959e6b5

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    At the sudden sensation, my upper body pitched forward. I buried my forehead against Cha Jeong-won’s chest. He’ll hate this… That thought immediately came to mind. I squeezed my eyes shut before slowly pulling away. Cha Jeong-won’s penis was so fully inside me that I couldn’t see it. But the pale semen leaking steadily from my penis was already wetting both our stomachs and pubic hair. Once again I had ejaculated while only being thrust into from behind. I hated myself every time I showed this side.43edab856e88db4f

    My eyes 9af52c3337 wavered as 79fc58d8ef if I 60d4c60499 might cry. I raised my 78496c7ce5 head again.7b7f5fed5caef9a1

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    “Hnn, ah, ah…”bf4fdca3d34483f9

    I curled my body as much as possible. Only sounds disguised as breaths, soaked in pleasure, barely managed to escape my lips. Cha Jeong-won’s gaze also turned to my penis.f31f2eb42e23d9c3

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    “Does it feel good?”1e79f90ed68c8c4e

    At his fac3ee8224 questioning voice, 16eb45ee9a I slowly 838304f89a nodded my be92e35cfb head.3e2e91d0a337b907

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    “Mm… It feels, ah, ah… Jeong-won, ngh, ah.”244b4f7f3c6cb003

    “Hug me.”0db548c4145d8e5b

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    At those words, I hugged Cha Jeong-won’s shoulders. Then, even though the afterglow of my recent ejaculation hadn’t fully faded, I moved my body busily. When I rotated my hips in circles, Cha Jeong-won also exhaled lowly. He ran his hands down my body as I clung to his shoulders, then grabbed my waist and lifted me up.938500851a64109a

    Being smaller 96b5b0d36e in height e09a0c9bec and build 65904ca0bd compared to c238bc2544 Cha Jeong-won, 5f0f7b7657 I was 9439b136ed embraced by ff177f3f07 him before 8a65a433c7 being thrown 9bbe86afdc down onto 9dda17a9d6 the sofa.4cfe140d78c7139b

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    “Ah!”cbee3c0e6907738e

    Cha Jeong-won laid me 3b9056e6da on the sofa and 3a15f094f1 climbed on top. Facing me, he d0dbf4880c penetrated roughly and 0d8575f72f fiercely as if 28341811fb he would pierce 50fae568dc through my insides. I looked c6f38e2304 at him c58dc42dc0 with half-lidded e5e7ae0b74 eyes before 449f01748e shifting my 3a3bf569a9 gaze to d556fd810a the ceiling. The light on the 9105e3d23f high ceiling swayed precariously. It felt unstable, 1478a742ee as if the f1eaab1135 house might collapse.329de355ae3d0297

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    “Hah, ah, ah, it hurts, just a little, sl-slower…”82ef2cfb116c90a2

    I squeezed my eyes 05b918dc8e shut, letting out every 611dd75d8f sound that escaped my f8c095eaad lips.4030db6677960c85

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    With my eyes closed, 2fd4c97785 the sensation below felt ff80c24104 even more vivid. Along with 39fa1bc5c8 the thud, 092996d77a thud! sounds, I 67727fa0bd tightly hugged 3174b534d4 his shoulders 7112be5717 as the a179e2292c force pounding acbdc64468 up into 89f09a8526 me was f2b9ff008e so strong 2e9f719aff it made 906b65448d me feel 141d90cd6e like retching.7ef9daf3aa4878b7

    “It feels good, good, Jeong-won, ah, ah, ah! My lower half, hnn, my lower half feels strange. Ah!”306352518b6d9eee

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    “Haa… Loosen up a bit, fuck. You said it feels good.”93f2d8d007a9434c

    “Ah, ah…! Ah, it’s too big, hnn, ah, big… Ah, it hurts… It feels good…”a13dff0060c24c03

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    I rubbed my penis against Cha Jeong-won’s lower abdomen. I arched my back, trying to press closer to him. I pressed my penis, which was already leaking semen and feeling the afterglow of ejaculation, even more tightly against him. Was it pathetic to want to feel his body heat like this? But it felt good. I bit down hard on my lip and dug my nails into his shoulders. At the same time, I breathed heavily at the semen gushing inside me before the strength suddenly drained from my body.8e5bf3d6023ba6dd

    Cha Jeong-won turned my body over just like that. Even though I wanted to rest for a moment, he didn’t seem to have any such intention.16ebae6f07a825e3

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    My body felt aa266c2aa5 stiff and sore.afa739c48d9039c3

    We had done 89be14eee7 it three times 5e56183d43 in a row e5581d5486 on the sofa 9055ae1fb7 without any breaks. And that e1a49c68b4 was just 46ce999214 by his bda256039c standards. I had no choice 90b1bbfc9e but to ejaculate multiple 356719007f times, eventually leaking clear 470e488774 fluid. My steps were d74151a4e3 unsteady as I 4314a3817c came out of a08955dc53 the bathroom due 901a9fc14a to our lovemaking. By the time I 9816e603e4 finished washing up in d013e395ea the living room bathroom, df9a2951f0 Cha Jeong-won had already 146dbd6027 disappeared. I entered 3370df39a5 the bedroom. Contradictorily, we e2d1b23ef5 used the e3bd925df6 same bedroom, eefe831af3 and the 78df83ddf8 faint scent 8b8915f448 of cigarettes c079062111 lingered in aed51461a1 the night 504a2fd883 breeze seeping a0860d0f4e through the dbc0cfc520 half-open window 4fdc54eed2 by the 69ce4c4d84 bed.4e96a1f19d577791

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    The first floor connected to a terrace. The bedroom, living room, and Cha Jeong-won’s study all did. The incoming breeze was blatant.3b26360c74f80795

    Cha Jeong-won smoked, and 1057eccdd0 I was honestly worried 1ad3fc7d32 it might make his 8b69d6f9d6 hands shake or reduce 31ceb7f638 his concentration due to 97f3beaed2 withdrawal symptoms. When did he bf1a0c1960 start smoking? As our 189f65652e time together 4612ffd45d grew longer, 5cb7b4e0be the unimportant 9a7f5ff1cb things gradually 1d7b9583f6 scattered from 17b7dd557b my memory.fdc38ca11bbcf8b2

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    While I was sitting f9ce796ea7 on the edge of 844c048a31 the bed, the bathroom a698ba3c78 door in the bedroom 2c29761354 opened. Light slowly ab1ae29a20 brightened the 9bfb2124ce darkness. Cha Jeong-won walked 771b065175 out, his footsteps 4b41d30a68 echoing as he 0104d5ddbe pressed the switch f4147f76d6 to turn off f37ef97bee the light. Only darkness and 3ab0696acd silence remained. The light f7d9d1ec62 seeping in d30d57eff3 from outside 935aa37e43 was all 9378503b21 that dispelled 17b70e26e3 the darkness.fedc020e638f9e54

    He had erased 63de687719 all traces of c231f68682 our lovemaking along 160b23adf6 with his shower. Despite the marks clearly c4003a79e6 remaining on my neck 207f72d248 that he had bitten e7f7be0c9e and sucked raw, and 2a9e766e26 between my legs. He looked at me 1df4f70c32 sitting there blankly before 330624d638 brushing past. He smelled fd180bf3b2 of the a700a0b887 sweet yet 7389721beb cozy soap 3e277754c3 he used 3217360436 as body b52a432dc2 wash.21e7603bd1fdc636

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    He lay down on the bed without hesitation. I also lay down next to him, looking up at the ceiling. It was a house so quiet it didn’t feel like anyone lived there. It was amazing we had lived here for several years.dda3530c10a7204e

    “Im Ji-ho.”36192dbf1608534a

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    “…Yeah.”d4202785d6b521d3

    “Look at me while you sleep.”b5a97c0a4bf5f573

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    At Cha Jeong-won’s words, I turned my body to face him. He was looking at the ceiling without looking at me, yet he insisted I alone turn to face him while sleeping.6850f4734472e3b4

    I clenched my jaw b239b81c1e before slowly parting my 44ca3f6abe lips.ad4a747b4e28ad72

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    “Good night, Cha Jeong-won.”b9644e8cf2343131

    There was d24ac844c0 no response.a4ae700ff1a5e5bc

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    When I e8c9c5c4c6 opened my 5cd05792be eyes in 9d82546dfe the morning, 3a60179530 Cha Jeong-won 185251af19 was asleep 1f43e34c5e facing me. I silently looked 84d4529982 at him for 06874f53b4 a moment before 1deb8ed12f carefully getting out 49a3bf48ee of bed. A rather cool breeze 0b2a654d44 was coming in through 78ec13b254 the half-open terrace door. As we 2c6c950aa6 entered early bc17c2936d autumn, the 50d49fda7f heatwave that 606668887e had seemed d703c9d604 like it b7c99006c6 would melt d9eef9d54e our skin 1e9ea6493d just days da14ffeaff ago had 7b3cc25505 disappeared without a47cbd6ee7 a trace.7d7c817e7fb2fc25

    I put c61465eb73 on slippers 14d730e6c4 and closed 5c98bc5be1 the terrace e232fc2565 door. I held the doorknob 7a0b1d75fd for a moment, looking 6ce9697962 out the window. It was 0b8951d8a1 such a 976c613ef7 peaceful day. My gaze slowly rolled f1cd255c0c from the window to dfed263521 the clock on the 453106a26e wall. It was 84815a7795 just past bcd4c58a92 6 AM.4c513b6a17f4b2df

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    My eyes lingered e2556a75b8 on the clock ced761fdc9 for quite a 5be0e2e2f2 while before turning 1f836b1491 to the quietly cd8b474bc2 sleeping Cha Jeong-won. He always set his 80629bc972 alarm for 6:30 AM 503763b450 and mechanically woke up 7be8054879 at that time. So I d3e341fc5e had to 6fea874ec3 wake up b8486ea28b 30 minutes 80e5fa5e98 earlier to 297c263554 prepare breakfast a12720b2dd for him.1c499153a740d5ed

    After washing up quickly, 871bab90d2 I headed to the a6b7bf8f76 kitchen. I lightly 58b0624547 stir-fried pre-cut 2922669951 vegetables and 986436628e meat chunks 10b401e182 stored in 667df34180 the fridge 38ce699bf2 in an d6eebc0f71 oiled frying 03331fcf27 pan. The only noise 117b26b323 in the kitchen d058ce88a1 was the sound 8d5b820144 of vegetables and 9ee0195608 meat sizzling together 019baf7bdc in the heated 418940b0da frying pan as 3e3b823ee0 I stirred the 5beb8a42cd soup I had 3913c5544e made the day f2f677389e before with a 62cf41f6a7 ladle. Standing in 5776ee7310 front of 02a54b3a19 the gas 680d4971c4 range, I 76c7477b50 stirred the 8fb5974c3a contents with 9fd8c1aa66 wooden chopsticks dffefb7822 for frying ea7d972054 before picking 790495671b up a 2d6b9b7501 rice paddle b0ff507be7 and heading 131bd680e7 to the 28c5aecf97 rice cooker.218f52316695b219

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    After roughly fdf2e8109c finishing meal bcf040e25c preparations, I c5765eb8cb checked the b46bde269e clock. I was glad I 18ab271eae had prepped the ingredients 9577293f55 the night before. There was b23b7491f2 quite a 01815ea30a bit of eed51ad0b4 time left. Today was Tuesday. The housekeeper who helped c76d5201ca with chores was coming, 0e3a9d15e8 so I went out 042b8a60b4 to the terrace and 6bf11aeedb brought in the cold 77270c9f87 laundry I had gathered d8afbab620 in my arms.66819a6aeed79d7d

    I sat down on the living room floor and put down the laundry I had been holding. I reached out to the sofa table to find the remote. When I pressed the power button, the morning news came on the TV. I started folding laundry while listening to the anchor with a neat face recite yesterday’s events in a heavy voice.d135d923034718e4

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    Most of the clothes were Cha Jeong-won’s. I was used to organizing the clothes he wore for practice and training. This wasn’t the reason Cha Jeong-won lived with me, but the longer I spent time with him, the more adept I became at housework.5eb9bbed0d4b2177

    I placed 14742ccaa3 the neatly 9fcd65a9e8 folded clothes 5ceac60e47 on the 3f2aa21cae table and 866319a301 sat down 1fd9c1d449 with my fafa304ea5 legs stretched 0d6a94f11b out. I recalled c99ce4d554 what Cha e8ef54fb91 Jeong-won had 6a74a6cf62 said last 9982a17a7f night.9ec3cc04df628890

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    ‘Practice smiling.’0da747950bed393b

    ‘If you want to hold onto me, don’t act so pathetic. Practice smiling.’f5cba14db639c0e8

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    As his voice vividly settled in my mind, I forced my lips to curl up into a smile. Would it look like I was smiling? I couldn’t even remember the last time I had smiled.1164a99b9bed7ff2

    Just as I was about to forcibly relax my expression, Cha Jeong-won came out to the living room. His hair ends were wet as if he had just washed, but he still looked sleepy. Clearly tired, he rubbed his freshly shaved jaw as he looked at me. We didn’t have much conversation.f94037cec03b7403

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    “Eat breakfast.”795728fa7aaddda4

    That was all I said. Cha Jeong-won silently looked down at me for a moment. Even though he hadn’t asked, I added:f968c02e8ddd4645

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    “I’ll eat too…”7d6c1fca344231c0

    Then I stood up and went to the rice cooker. While Cha Jeong-won brought two glasses of water, I scooped rice, put the frying pan on the table, and set out spoons and bowls of soup in front of each of us. Without even a simple “Let’s eat” greeting, we each ate our meals. I was glad I had turned on the TV. At least it wasn’t completely silent.7626bd4101da6850

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    Cha Jeong-won had always been like this. He wasn’t very talkative. When I was younger, that aspect of him seemed cool. By the time I realized it was more than just admiration, I was too busy suppressing my own emotions rather than being captivated by his demeanor. When we first started dating…43c2332d326706ff

    Even knowing that living in the past meant only living in the past, I was still living in the past. It was amazing that Cha Jeong-won didn’t break up with me, despite being taciturn and only saying harsh words. Perhaps he had forgotten I was his lover.904dfea874c134d1

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    As my 663fbb4e1e thoughts spiraled, 709eda6076 I gripped 87a8570f95 my spoon 84f9878689 tightly. I glanced at 77f606ae2c Cha Jeong-won while c95dd13870 deliberately taking a 791a455285 deep breath, then 0967586435 dipped my spoon d4db0c8fed in the soup 97452ebeae and stirred it. Instead of aaf7afcddb telling Cha ad86f52d1a Jeong-won my 6b5895d836 current thoughts, 755a01fa3d I just d3a5cca2a6 swallowed the 64c056f8fe soup.807ab43a4cb774e5

    “Im Ji-ho.”01b162dd5231f542

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    “Yeah?”7c50dbd95216a051

    “Come with me today.”ace1c2b3d45c9cf3

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    “To your practice?”fe5ea8d6de6e34a7

    “Yeah.”8919a93716505930

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    I often went along to Cha Jeong-won’s training under the pretext of supporting him, but in reality I felt very anxious each time. It was because the responsibility of being someone Cha Jeong-won needed weighed even more heavily on me.246094f054671224

    After tapping my front 6f81d51592 teeth with my spoon, 287e297521 I rolled my eyes b9415889b3 once before fixing them 230f9b92fa on Cha Jeong-won.2316202a8961b15e

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    “Are you feeling unwell somewhere?”e8ff568d3e9c213b

    “Not yet.”6b6d2f625fe3498a

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    Even if there was nothing yet, he would know his own body better than anyone. Hearing Cha Jeong-won’s concise answer, I nodded.9a11580cda74e954

    “Okay. Let’s do that.”72384a51e1cee2f1

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    To be honest, I don’t know much about the guns Cha Jeong-won uses. He has never talked to me about work-related things. My knowledge about shooting hasn’t changed much from when I first went to his training grounds at 16 to now at 29, 13 years later.1638fcdefbac8f37

    At 16, since he was young too, he practiced more with air pistols than real guns, and I would sometimes imitate him beside him. But once he started practicing with real guns in high school, I would just stay in the athletes’ waiting room, or if the weather was nice, come outside and listen to the bang- sounds that seemed to pierce my ears.7b5a1bd1f906e46c

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    Once again lost in the past, I raised my head to look straight ahead. My gaze fell on Cha Jeong-won. Standing in the warm sunlight, he was wearing glasses. He usually didn’t wear glasses, but during training and competitions he wore them because of the clip that covered one eye.bdd24a0935f72195

    Cha Jeong-won loaded bullets and vaguely nodded at the coach’s words before turning his head slightly. His gaze turned to me sitting in the back wearing headphone-style earmuffs.ef9e6a71ec141eeb

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    Although I didn’t come to the training grounds every day, I did have my own earmuffs. The gunshot sounds were so loud that even the athletes used earmuffs, but Cha Jeong-won used in-ear ones that focused on the ear canal rather than covering the whole ear, while I used over-ear ones that protected the entire ear.a2e1f9283c4c58c3

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