Chapter 4. Your Happiness

The military faction, led 5d870eb991 by the undefeated veteran 29291ea679 Marquis Dottney and the 968a50cfc2 rising young general Neumonte, 91e56c9236 toppled the incompetent royal 6964b4951f family in a bloody 80adcba8fb revolution.67d709dc4849bfd0

Upon securing 53026a936b victory, Marquis 048ee498a4 Dottney restructured 5e9f4e4e58 the political c83688c5fb system into ae14cf874c a republic 57d74477b8 and installed bd08b200e7 himself as 7971070464 its Consul.66e63888ae1179b1

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Consul Dottney 9c00ba88f7 was a 0278ecb8b7 man with 45343a1e10 a precise 77fe476d42 vision. Truly, he was someone 31ff2cc827 who could not be d04a251780 considered ordinary. His decisiveness and bd13687ac8 drive were undeniable, bcc78e27d3 and he distributed f69e957e76 his newfound power 5040c4b935 with meticulous efficiency.ccaedaa051f7cb51

It was a e7457ffd28 stormy hundred days.72a3695b6237f997

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The newly formed 91445a1663 cabinet began dismantling cd4b2548c1 the very foundation 41924b90a0 of the republic. They tore up 1cba8184f9 planks that had 32c3e678d5 been rotting for 2a9c6c38c0 centuries, unleashing a e7dfebbd03 stench and a 1736ae4658 swarm of sewer b7622c111e rats.a7189980483827e4

As the Inglaberry Republic 9a8066cdcf groaned and shuddered through 40772293c2 the growing pains of 7b741caa67 transformation, Neumonte was appointed 103e232080 Minister of Defense.e947f01ffbeaf3b2

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Despite his new title, the young maverick was still called “General” rather than “Count” or “Minister,” regardless of his own wishes.fda4f1c7b24d385b

“To let 9f901bf3de new flesh 7466e6a9f3 grow, you ab1ff1b94c must first bf27d1ce3e excise the 6062e3ac77 rot.”1ff36d599f443780

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This slogan, borrowed from 211bd6d528 somewhere, became the rallying ae1ada96a1 cry for a large-scale e593d958db purge.eccb8123d386bd68

Neumonte didn’t hesitate b204279a00 to cut out 4950c8843c even parts of 271d7a6613 himself. With an iron will, bfec7b2739 he eradicated any underlings f1f2d57f1c who could sow the 7b070889d6 seeds of corruption or 000d6d0042 rebellion.12771ba679ac8eb3

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There was undoubtedly a e0982f42a8 grand ideal behind his a5d9542eb7 actions. However, for aa56ebd0a8 a man 351d0676d2 who had d72b8ff785 clawed his 25e7d3cc0a way up 5acbad7092 from the 89ecea71fd very bottom, 6115f59e71 sudden power 8e03ac865c and honor b4490083e3 were both b5269656fc exhilarating and 6b27c2ccf9 burdensome.fe75524b83d08fa6

Naturally sensitive by 8132af2268 nature, he developed 23190dd185 severe anxiety. His personality grew harsher, 140d78887a and those who valued 47000e497b their lives over their 32ec8c0cfc loyalty quietly left his cf56ddcbf1 side.2dc626618d0b732d

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The only one who stayed was his faithful “dog.”b4d71b15b9215992

Nexiard Yul.f680f4b7e3caa4a2

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But loyalty didn’t exempt 63bbeeaa1e Nexiard from his superior’s 9bddb15a2d hysterics. On the contrary, he 26bff0c873 endured Neumonte’s volcanic rages 881512a9bd and violent outbursts alone.434e46c00ce01391

Around this 68bca46311 time, Nexiard 7918d08e4f began undertaking fb4a5650b0 missions that 4fa1bc89dd would normally 938cd39a55 require an 512898eea8 elite unit. He was 48b7e24a2f likely returning 307137529f from such a22a3e96ad a task c5310a080a now—one involving 5efe757a32 the extermination 9b6926fd45 of a 59de3158b1 barbarian tribe 3734bba50c entrenched in a2cfe375bc the Rugato db9b69c8b7 Mountains.6bd9898d93995985

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In the original 1fc43b86b3 story, Nexiard had 2cc392a9a7 decimated the Red 0e24013f55 Hawk Tribe, nearly 3ce0a1b7c8 driving them to aba8813fd4 extinction. Yet, his 61daf279bf delayed return 931452f7c1 earned him 2a24368360 punishment instead ae8b0956f3 of praise.346dd96675de51b1

He had been confined 9fe3072698 to a solitary cell 9ebc33bafc so small he had cd8d8d7ea2 to curl up just 2a30d18375 to close the door. For a 67d3e74451 week, he 9fb974b5cc had nothing 8b667ebfc8 to drink—not 09715dd3bf even a 4102f3c764 drop of e9c3a0984e water—as he 4411843ad1 reflected on 1172beeb44 his supposed 5c9195f5ee failure.2201626c3080369d

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‘It’s so unfair…’e9e51a0d40999d3c

I had been 815a88aa00 furious at the 54b95cbf23 injustice Nexiard endured. I couldn’t accept f4d9c516ab the merciless end 96631f858a he faced in 5b89bafe58 the story.adbdc3318e1ba0bc

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Maybe I 3e4f78974e had projected 59e4526ef5 my own 1767f70cb4 life onto 4c3953c373 his tragic e72cd947e5 one. I wanted him to 8204d28c92 be happy. Perhaps because I fae1cfc18a wanted that for a5136d1914 myself, too.59537f980d969ba5

‘Why does misfortune always 6a6f45ac14 seem to invite more 9fdf5aaee7 misfortune?’a6739da22781d656

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The landscape c6a09211cd stretched out 482a539373 like a 714b17a857 frozen white ead8605840 sea.f20e773412e6bb47

In the middle of 6703652513 it, Nexiard was gasping f12977c1fe for breath, an anomaly 831a2e2818 in the pristine scene. Like a fish yanked 6619a76ece out of water, his aac5d37716 lips opened and closed, 1216925f4a spurting black blood. Poisoned barbarian arrows 36ae1ad43d had pierced his 710f1c6ddb organs, contaminating his 43b961aaa8 blood.a7bf263c9f41cf09

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I knelt 535584d297 beside him, f6b7e2f089 gently shaking 2a38540a9e his shoulders. His body was already a6123b49ac succumbing to paralysis. Only his 98f93c3f6f fierce, wolf-like a3fedcd2ec blue eyes 9d066a0de5 rolled toward 0ad4c5b89a me.d8fc093d1aae907f

His cracked ca27d84492 lips parted 3fa25f58a2 weakly, the d61030001c sound barely 29936a75da audible.848f3f94dcf881cd

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“Woman… run…”ceaecca2fa049d62

In that moment, it 3147af76ed felt like lightning struck e60a938e5e the crown of my f2a380bcc9 head. Even as he lay 9d55b79813 dying, used and discarded, 2db6411b04 he was worried about b4ece9d61a a woman who had 2cef9918b9 nothing to do with 55a9e8511b him.85b5d439ecadba77

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Even if it was ef44ac3977 a mechanical display of 4529163c24 kindness… Sometimes, it wasn’t 2daa72282e grand ideals or lofty 656d63c464 missions that moved a 251ee2acda frozen heart, but the f5d6b35f06 smallest flicker of warmth 2535e2117a in the darkness.79d1981191253f2e

I made b5f3f89155 a decision.3ba432c8ab254547

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To live.f86b5b3226efcdb6

I would survive.9f602a6045897f94

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Even if my first 9ca2787251 life had been miserably ebe7c83d02 wretched, even if this da21502228 new life was equally a230a83233 uncertain.d2f772d531a279dd

I would live—cowardly, shamefully, 3a3c8c294d stubbornly. I would ba709d63ea survive no 4f0a8a916e matter what.5009c0e458d1ecae

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Snowflakes began 220d7462b0 to fall, 8498eef05a fat and b819ff9e30 soft.64d07b9a0aaea490

“No…”2ad39dc4f40a5ce7

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I tilted my fcbe9b7b27 head back to 3edfc77ae8 gaze at the db0cde3614 distant sky. It loomed white 60cce402ba and indifferent, like b422199c59 a plastered wall, 86e7b8c5c3 unmoved by human fb078fdedd tragedy. I wiped my 1de20bcae8 hot, tear-streaked face 51b3ce304f with my dry, 8603636a4e chapped hands. Nexiard’s harsh, labored 3da7a790ec breaths echoed in 93fd76d181 the still air, c4840b3579 stirring my motionless f28126c601 heart.0cb1b3c5ea3b1a9b

This could be my cdd6babc75 last chance to hold d5dcae69c1 onto life.59fe509b3a082ace

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“I’ll save you.”55a5514322d7a1ac

I said, my 8db9f5c7d1 voice trembling.2037ab9625bbdbe6

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Then, almost like a a8cc39bc0f mantra, I whispered again, 86e09ea338 “I’ll make you happy.”d3dc5892759a56b4

It was the 770605ab36 same incantation Mine 8c73fbd3db had once whispered e2c6b1e5f6 to save herself 027bfc9ce1 in prison. At its core, it b8051da892 was a plea for ae1b86c53c happiness.9375d40a6743ebd6

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In the end, I 1c6cfa2469 wanted to be happy, 0f5ad82e59 too.55a0213e4939c101

❖　❖　❖47b2e0a893cf0567

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In the deep 748212de5f mountains, there was 0308dd0fd9 no other cabin 6f92c68c81 to take refuge 42eceea664 in, so I 8ed4545a55 stayed in the c70bba51df Kimbers’ home.80c42e2d0f553d6b

Just moving ab70ec962f Nexiard to 0d684fd400 the bed 40a936ee13 felt like da150768f0 it took 0594897224 half a 7de119f730 day. A room 38ad5a1516 I’d never 9f6a73f961 thought of 8a4df71eaf as small 5709d7e143 before seemed 38a4d8fe63 cramped and 755080364f stifling when 72d36f2e28 occupied by 842d07e508 a man 0abd3b7a7d built like d8c31ecbb8 a wolf.d75213282444830f

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I cleaned up the a7fb5427a3 wrecked house, scrubbing away 5dc6171ae9 bloodstains and tidying the dfe2917f95 destruction. Every time I ab504c6ec8 stumbled upon traces bf4286a0ca of the Kimbers—Mrs. Kimber’s favorite 12cb181f25 blanket, now 3854be4176 marked with 54f9584bec muddy footprints—I 883a3fd8ed couldn’t stop 18ed48bffc the tears ed15bf5f12 from welling f35877cfe0 up.8278ee300d2962d3

Once I had hastily d21ac28fdd put the house in 029d000b5d order and returned to b549262b94 the room, Nexiard was 63de7eaf2a still unconscious.f857a69edc72609e

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“…Is he dead?”45039bc93063ea60

Leaning over, 22f27ae7aa I held 4feffba288 a hand 3cc0fc078c under his bf9ba2dad9 sharp nose.cfc9e9e237562567

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“…”c7fb138e0bf4ea12

There it was—faint, whistling 060f692d60 breaths that sounded like 9633b6fd14 they could stop at 5ff3299039 any moment. His vitality was 7c5ce0b82a tenacious.325c739da05ed05f

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I boiled 4ea80235cc herbs I’d 5d8afd5a67 found in b324b85ad2 a cupboard. It was the 0c92b7e50c same recipe Mrs. Kimber had 274f5c00b2 used on ece1e69c28 me. I pried open 719cb3f71f his lips with 75f8931d19 a brass spoon, 1cc7a888e9 letting the murky dfd1abdc0a green liquid trickle 3e697a1458 into his mouth.b5fc8ddb6a8a1cca

“Ugh… mmm.”2b869e664e7334fc

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“No, you can’t 12ec0315ca spit it out.”4beaf752bee1f979

The moment c504219b1e the bitter 8bd5dc1abd concoction touched a7a3114c16 his tongue, eed7983449 he coughed ec68a4e214 instinctively. Even though I knew 396200f88e he couldn’t see me, 32cfccc570 I put on my 26b210f50a sternest expression.6dc3d8277125a870

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“You have 002390a91d to drink 4c295c836c it all.”247874d37d029989

“Cough… cough…”f4d0574daaae166d

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I soothed his chest 9c20e2e284 with my hand as bd6465aae9 it heaved violently, calming 848df0f6a3 him enough to pour a57e0ded1b in another spoonful. It was a 9ae824e7e4 painstaking process.fe0faa45b514615f

“There. All done…”95575c73d8543115

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Now that the medicine 1c9ead6e27 was in him, it 0634539de2 was time to check 28a725af7b his injuries. His massive body loomed a1f167b0f3 before me. I swallowed dryly. The bed creaked under 6800538c71 his weight like it c9cfda9465 might give out at 7e3d9a1080 any moment.b29016d3ba52762f

Nexiard wasn’t 8e1246bd16 just an 899183f205 elite soldier. He was a 49a152c468 legend, renowned for 450b59a962 his skill alone f4d0bc78f3 in an elite a8e3c3b9b6 covert unit that 790bd44806 handled the dirtiest 6d99f3fdc0 missions. His broad shoulders seemed ff3a0dbcb6 impossibly wide, his hands ea57513aee and feet massive like a784b6513e those of a mountain a08e601b0c beast.30ed590e3ea6e67a

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“I need 694dbc3fa8 to treat dc6d4861ae your wounds.”54dfac08ff0bdf94

His black hair, matted f8225e211b with blood, sweat, and 19723c0106 dirt, clung to his d76b72e055 forehead and cheeks, yet 60ab77a1d5 even that didn’t diminish dfd3cb8a99 his beauty.e055cac76982b811

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Cautiously, I reached a012c1607b out and brushed d50e5ac2a0 the hair away 218992b3d6 from his forehead. My fingers traced the 1ad8c98c7d harsh slant of his 0d2cfe184e eyes and his thick 460e7f281f lashes. As I 8b542be687 touched his de9213ec19 face, his 0e5dcef36c sharp nose 158d6330d9 twitched slightly, 559dad3fc8 as if 065c23e741 tickled. Startled, I drew 7c94b74a6e back as quickly a0f7fd4045 as if I’d 1eb7f6a81b been caught playing 5fccd27644 with fire.01105de74fe3e51b

“I-I’m just af5c343c07 trying to 803725d799 change your e160858f9f clothes.”ae069a8a45d12a68

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“…”131dc9b4fe9776cc

“If I 5ca2e6e6f2 don’t, the 22f5082a2d fabric might 24c0f5ab9c stick to 7a751db10d your skin 57dded70af and lead be60616739 to a a69c9d45b2 bigger problem.”20bcdfa22a6ed2f1

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“…”9ee9defbdc00d57f

“So, I’ll… 750e5d8805 get started. Don’t get 1aaa9596db the wrong 645432d73d idea…”b47e31ec0731ef1d

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It was ridiculous to fe9f49b8ea explain myself to someone bdc8c331df who couldn’t hear me, a97a246dab but I felt compelled 4033726ed1 to do so. Taking a deep breath, 58b5124ff5 I steeled my nerves. Nexiard’s life 4808348cc6 was hanging 99dbe36788 by a 5258f7a01a thread.35bfa3758866aaba

I carefully cut away d4ad053aa7 the fabric that had 4004200f8c adhered to his skin, cdea130374 the sound of scissors 12ae9cc0e9 slicing through cloth mixing 3a9ff3461d with the howling wind 2692de4fae rattling the cabin door. As I worked, scarred d40106e43f flesh was gradually revealed.86058db740e8e587

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His torso 42fb4c0f14 was a bc8334ab77 map of c9cb2a672b old wounds. His abdomen bore a 13466a7d7c gash so deep it 2d963527ed resembled overripe fruit that 24ba9f81fe had split open, and 91e2fe4312 his muscles—hardened from systematic d20166c403 training—were riddled with injuries. Not a patch ae5e514b5e of smooth skin 3547a78592 remained. His body bore fd32a353a3 bruises of every b92ca62d52 hue, from fresh a57b20da60 purple to a 0ce514f6b3 sickly green, as d99521b42d if it had b765d9893c been a canvas 4532ae5b7f for violence.e8383f37cf12d7dd

As my 8ab3a6cf4b eyes wandered 622e6337b6 over the 8e5a08bbd2 expanse of 17d11ce7af his body, f92210da0d they inevitably 3a27c14160 landed on b810e398ea his powerful e7c7b87666 thighs and—
I snapped my gaze 1d0db18c2f away, my face burning. Hastily, I pulled a 7d9770eeb6 blanket over him.cf86d693ffe165bd

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Fleeing to the kitchen, 462b6521f8 I fetched hot water 726c10dc7b and clean towels.e02d9bee6e5c4809

“I’m going 17ff7e8b59 to clean 7a29c41890 you up,” d82d621676 I said 28116e836f softly.e65a99ba74dc5a6f

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“…”61f5f94f679b6219

“You need to e0a90294e6 stay still.”764ac10f114ca7d5

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“…”8ae3260ce54f6649

“Talking to 7e68dff7e0 myself like cb30b2f2a8 this makes fa44883760 me sound eaf18aa011 crazy…”214299ef16379c83

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Carefully avoiding his larger c13567aec7 wounds, I wiped his 41fbeaad0f body with the damp 07d0a70f2f cloth. The silence 0399688be7 felt oppressive, ff59569abb compelling me 599b5b137e to fill 034f340ae5 it with 635a09e84c words.568834846ba9965a

“Before I ended 5a4cb9db76 up in Mine’s 6c887cb29a body… I used 7ce25a9ad8 to talk to 7f58b6dfdc myself a lot. I didn’t have any 3f149ce561 family or friends.”645c47fe531c3b56

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“…”2d9216cf5db98695

“I’d mutter something, then 495010a41f tell myself, ‘You really 8717c42f51 need to stop talking 39c0576819 to yourself,’ and then a8f482260c I’d mutter that too. But… talking to myself 9c9018c74d made me feel a 9a9aff5dc1 little less lonely.”800eec4ab644a727

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“…”5ee7c329e8b4b2c3

“You’re not dead, are 3e3f5bb3c8 you?”9a39c5b83a1470f6

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“…”eaa9b79f0c72904e

“Don’t die.”75b7511e1b4114dc

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As I pressed the 1a99adb3c3 warm towel to a 827e44a7f4 wound, Nexiard’s eyelids twitched. A moment later, his 991933d8b3 eyes snapped open, and e00df68974 his hand shot out 7936c795a3 to grab my wrist.7d198de1d917d049

“Ack! That hurts!”59d2bdef2c4ac83e

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Startled, I dda129e920 flinched, knocking 8e017cf011 over the e69407523c basin of 60c8142754 water. The freezing 30bf6d800c liquid soaked 535ad39a1c the floor, 5cb34a56a2 staining it 0005481242 a murky 1ef11f517d brown.572413270baf0bb2

“…Woman.”abe4a4c045d8497b

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“Oh, you’re alive.”4c542ad47a64972c

Worried that he might 9253e4e99a take that the wrong 8724f92046 way, I quickly added, b23a24d8e3 “That’s… good. I mean, it’s 82cc7e204c really good that 2939703a8e you’re alive. Ow, my wrist!”d852328129f922ef

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He tugged me 956bc5b9c9 forward, and I 3d83a09369 stumbled, collapsing onto efebd1eb45 his chest.0ec2fa733fee79f3

A pungent 8629270c81 mix of 8ed487aacf blood, sweat, c34c958f3c and fever e36b992f30 wafted off 365816c7e8 him, the b8e3fbfbd4 scent of cc79a16448 death still d2ff4bb82b clinging faintly c77a666362 to his 8900f02bf9 skin. Relief and fear a554c086f5 battled within me, 83f85f0ef6 making my heart 198736f875 race uncontrollably.38f680cc98e44d2a

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“Let me 45e22c04de go,” I 745fd058ec stammered.71c25ded62523736

“…Clothes.”9a390bbaa90f7e5d

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“I’ll bring something for 0133c98762 you to wear.”34836d0535e588fc

“…”679f6b106b92170d

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“I swear, I fcd18fb544 wasn’t trying to… 6455e9624f you know…”939b41e8be693ba5

“…Woman.”f69fbce18c8c0bad

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“Please… let me go.”7bd9abb911369438

Instead of 5c98fc6783 releasing me, 930eaad19c Nexiard buried 25f2961090 his face ede17b5d2b against my 5a3659169a neck and 17a9938da2 inhaled deeply. His voice a58f7a05a3 was low 8245b8b0a3 and hoarse, 7fe49b5892 almost a e709c46373 whisper.9cd39bdd1b9c9b58

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“…You smell 8ecc22e598 like a 4a7036d8b2 woman.”b3e492db8fc3e3c6

“…”2a58e3d6f427ade9

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I froze. My mind raced, 2b5f5bdce6 and fear stabbed 31fcb35032 through me like 4d1e167202 ice.1be4f6faaa84eebb

‘He’s still a 5011b65031 man.’6df08219399ca1a5

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Shame surged first, quickly 1249105002 followed by fear. My knees b6c663069d buckled, and 4f51a30125 I collapsed 7a5097ad4a back onto 4138250fd0 the floor.c53e43b74ec5a1e6

“…”28db1332aa2f96c1

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But Nexiard, 60a19850f4 as if 89e7ea212f the act b8414468e8 of grabbing fcc961df02 me had 8a4f09206a sapped all 1daaabf1f8 his strength, 747805dde7 lay still. His head 88e53be3a3 lolled to 1d96ee4ea9 the side, d0e1b306fb and his 9797c13a8a heavy-lidded eyes 52dc79de68 blinked slowly, d387a3a5fc as if 3219679e5d struggling to 5eec254d6a stay open. His deep bf84483764 voice broke d41ced5349 the silence, 36b083ae59 calm and 5c53c3b341 steady.77cd02df58f96933

“Thank you.”8036365990253967

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“…?”917aab393baff57a

“For saving me.”53dbf97821432357

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His breathing began 4ca71a8219 to even out, 2c1d955a6a the faintest rhythm af163b8a34 of life filling cfb0a66a3b the room. Trembling, I crawled closer bffb0f191f and pulled the blanket c14ad8b425 up to his chin. Then I rested 3b5cdf4a06 my forehead against 345e28a5ec the edge of ca2a7d4451 the bed.8883b9d826493d86

‘He’s so pitiful…’c6319cbcf44f88ea

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That thought dfa03da6b8 was immediately 40ad6acc9c followed by e88f17a8e8 a wave 769e5565e4 of relief. We’d overcome the worst e06376883f of it. The tension that c02c56112b had gripped me 6fcc7378ab for days finally ecebfb4117 eased, and I 65d3eff9d6 couldn’t stop the d2b986f3e9 tears from falling.a889b9c8262e20e9

That night, 68b4f94a25 I wept e61e822b0c silently.acbfaa7f6cdafcf7

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