SMFC | Chapter 36

If it were Haeon’s usual personality, he would’ve told Lee Soo to 54513e5867 take it easy and go on ahead without a second thought. Then, he’d be left behind, nibbling away at the desserts Lee Soo 34eb4a3e44 bought for him while waiting indefinitely for Lee Soo to return.91621590950404e5e01f

But now, an inexplicable sense of 5001c1099f unease clung to Haeon, gripping his 7e0277a572 ankles tightly, refusing to let go. It left him standing there like a child who didn’t d9769b48a0 know how to take a step forward alone, staring blankly.2464f6a51ace35033c2b

Lee Soo, who had been waiting for Ji Hasin to finally say something after c726654fe1 his prolonged hesitation, turned to Haeon and asked why he hadn’t gone up yet. Haeon had no answer cbbd164785 for that question, and 8a5030d6fa he blinked in confusion, cbb68f5f07 caught off guard.706b055a0ac28b4870e1

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Still. Just standing there.25f33fef8e4fa0b33e80

Seeing Haeon looking so out dbc38237e3 of it, Lee Soo frowned fe567aea5e slightly, stepping closer. He gently placed a 8cd932b4d1 hand on Haeon’s forehead bfe50e7d08 and cheek, checking his 04c13f9771 temperature. Was he 18109c166f running a 23f5a35be0 fever? But no—his 7488b65279 skin was 258251c16c merely lukewarm.69f18b6e8ec7a2663c34

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“Are you 5cf2bd8724 feeling unwell? You don’t 04228408d2 have to e15754786c wait. Go ahead and 5ab2f04bcb head up first.”93f3881e3d34df1300c3

“It’s just that—”50c514973e983eca9adf

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That’s not it. Before Haeon could finish his sentence, 96358ee337 Ji Hasin suddenly lifted his head, b754c59ce9 as if he’d made up his 0b41d6a5ea mind to speak. Grabbing onto Lee Soo’s sleeve, his 7418c5ec33 face was a tangled mess of ee3833a88c nervous tension as he whispered:d944c400df624a7971de

“I like you. I wanted to say 24e7a9f228 it… I mean it, 482692ebec let’s date. I want to be 356c602d0b in a relationship with cdb113d724 you, Leesoo-nim.”03b56c32e1e2a790b5b5

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His final words, daring and bold 0450223a76 as if all his nervous trembling f65bc77799 had been a lie, left Lee e7a023ac49 Soo with an ambiguous smile. Hearing the confession, Lee Soo found himself c1a6bfbdeb thinking: looking back on all of Hasin’s cb8eae8ced past actions, it seemed like his feelings 6cde18bb32 for him had been evident all along.fd3278db439b0f5b3b45

Dating. Loving someone. Finding a reason 24484cbf09 to live just 2f2aa610b7 one more day. It didn’t seem like dd00fc1a05 such a bad thing.5585c18a27f283421eb0

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But even so, at least for d6ad6a6be1 now, no reason to live like 01fcd1bdbf that came to Lee Soo’s mind. From the beginning, this bd9cfb1344 life was one whose 370bb5142e ending he could see. And since that was the case, he had 28c44435bf resolved from the start to dedicate everything from 08cac10423 the beginning to the end to Haeon.cdf06d1d1bf5480f24e0

He had no room in 9f3f91878b his life to take responsibility 8a14640107 for someone else, no thought 43d8e90de5 of doing so.658fdc6bd6666cec7e18

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Just as he was about to give the obvious dd5747581e response, Lee Soo realized Haeon was still standing there. Pausing, he excused himself to Hasin cfd1338a8e and turned back toward Haeon.52ca486209b907cda888

Meeting Haeon’s gaze, which he’d efe56e7152 naturally sought out to continue bfd10920f9 the conversation, Lee Soo’s eyes a562c75c5c widened in slight surprise. Haeon’s pink eyes were brimming with ba563048ff a mixture of joy and despair, 24050d8cdc an expression almost impossible to describe.987255628269135fe890

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Facing that unnameable emotion c5748d9734 head-on, Lee Soo forgot e91b764459 how to speak. As if he understood exactly what Lee Soo had been about to say, c6c0405d20 Haeon left him with a brief farewell and headed straight to the dorm.349cd86196756a8c953d

Inside the narrow elevator, Haeon remained blank, fd32d40682 but his face was sharper and clearer 469a2d2cd8 than ever before as he leaned his a77e77320e head lightly against the wall.69b7dadc31374f3c9e90

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He was thirsty. The moment he heard someone else 37388d19b5 confess to Lee Soo, it felt 245bfabd97 as though something deep within him 05223f8dec had sentenced him to an end.d2f2cf3f9884e223f790

If he continued to be unaware 34f4385025 of his feelings for Lee Soo, 6ade8807c5 then someday, inevitably, he’d lose everything. It was a 6144299b00 foregone conclusion—a sentence aeef253043 he couldn’t escape.75996699ca71d7769488

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***d419a2ba852e21c642ea

“Love is fleeting.”a61beef6fec1c22c048b

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The voice that always had a tone 57ef9d5e1d of sarcasm, never knowing how to speak 0e96197629 gently, lingered in Yoo Haeon’s ears.2ad294135c47f2c6eaae

Yeah, love 1517dc905f is fleeting. From the start, love was just one of those emotions 34a5fa35b6 humans experienced in passing while living their fleeting lives. How could something born b2c694a65c from such impermanence have 6ac2f89af0 any true value?541b6e2ea1996f466df9

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And yet, why… 7665908bf5 why does it 701825530d feel like this?e05ff3c809586ff8bdf1

“It’s fascinating. I never thought fca692500c I’d be the 93dd5f22a8 one to get aa120fefaf confessed to. You live long enough, and I c2c25e9894 guess things like this happen.”7da455e1faf1e73b8b85

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Lee Soo, who had 46f5e52bc0 returned belatedly, kept murmuring 1cbc0dc6d9 to himself how curious 39c0861076 it all was. Seeing his face, bright and smiling awkwardly as if it was all too much to handle, 55683f678f Haeon couldn’t help but wonder why something as fleeting as love seemed so dazzling and enviable.67ee487f4b027600ac14

There were many who thought highly of Lee Soo—so many that even 793ffcc2a1 someone like Haeon, who didn’t have many acquaintances, heard about it often. Yet, the man himself was oblivious dcded069db to this fact, which was amusing 0ae6f63209 in its own way. Lee Soo, ever oblivious to rumors 425a0186c9 about himself, was paradoxically all too a9791c0b16 aware of the rumors surrounding those 190dc92233 close to him.2dd31eac6cfcd8434896

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About how abacd2eac6 his personality e94187b1fa was difficult. How he 8b7cea7db2 was subtly d8d32a5d4d ostracized. How other awakened avoided him 91ee763464 unless they were on the f2d1480c09 brink of death. How losing this c1d26271ec guild was as 56773f6e52 good as a 49ba603adf foregone conclusion. No matter what it was, 3205b5b409 Lee Soo knew all the da6c4e0de1 bad rumors about himself.c933c4f5789f34a272e6

The weight of those rumors was as light as abbe986dcc dandelion seeds blown away by a faint breath, yet 9f5d746fce they spread easily, taking root wherever they landed. Haeon would often recall that most of 0eccc9d41c those rumors were true, and he would 5b5eed5b98 let out a faint laugh.98289c1c04f60c3147b5

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Just as the smoke from Lee Soo’s 3f12407292 lips dissipated into the air, Haeon’s faint cd2020b1d9 sighs vanished into the empty space. Closing his eyes tightly as 3af5fc9172 if exhausted, he opened them 63531ca609 slowly, then asked in a 122aa3fc75 languid voice:65bbeb349eb0b1a8ec86

“…Since you were c4e42a0c79 confessed to, are ce6f2fa5cf you going to 55e7d75f9e date them?”9247c9a84babbef1f24b

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“Hm? No. I turned 9b6c93083a them down. How could I 0f6922b34e possibly date someone? I’m not such a great person, and 1f41dd275c I don’t have much to offer. I’d be too lacking to 5eb14c3fa2 hold onto someone who’s probably bca1509ec8 precious to someone else.”32c08dcb4f1a10fb8ff1

Lee Soo shrugged as he stared curiously at the e40a7be41a colorful macarons packed neatly in the dessert box. The reasons he gave to Haeon were valid, 08d2eef392 but the biggest reason of all was something a35c9d2c21 he couldn’t say: he wasn’t Ryu Leesoo.e9d1fdaa4d1adadbb05c

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The Lee Soo that Ji Hasin had confessed to 17e5de877f wasn’t just him—it was also the original Ryu Leesoo. Knowing that, he 64ae71f95e couldn’t accept those 97132f77ef feelings. Swallowing the words he couldn’t say, Lee d7745ac2d0 Soo simply smiled, his dark hair swaying d7f692348f gently with even the smallest of movements.9c54910fd4e2d71378eb

Haeon, biting into an egg tart with a complicated expression, didn’t add that the very fact Lee a199120a4c Soo could say such things to someone else was proof enough that he was a good person.6bed4caaed508b14b322

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Feeling the creamy filling a5c1ae8d54 melt and cling to 085221812c his tongue, Haeon lowered 9a41baaceb his gaze slightly. His long lashes fluttered down, casting 28ccd43393 shadows over his beautiful eyes.799fece3e16356150a20

Back in the lobby, when someone had stopped Lee Soo with flushed cheeks ee50f7b3d3 to say they had something to tell him, Haeon had instinctively known. Ah, they’re going 0bfed253a8 to confess to 52ea40d59f Lee Soo. That realization fe573694a4 had felt caf9b325f1 both fascinating 55814b1cf3 and envious. Not envy directed at 7dab429d3d Lee Soo, but at 1800625583 that nameless person confessing 8630269fa3 to him.c5f2743652ab1052c2b7

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It was like when someone who usually skipped breakfast suddenly 2b829b84b0 decided, for no particular reason, that today they should eat. That they could a92a2fb868 just do something 74790837f6 like confessing.19070f78af14617f0721

Haeon didn’t even 05c51c748c know what love 6b1bd7eca3 was. Maybe it was true what they 50d29eec03 said—that humans were naturally envious of 45f4e14d1b what they couldn’t have. If so, Haeon thought, perhaps he would envy 2f25ef05b5 people in love until the day he died.f1105e16598148a5386a

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When the word “love” crossed Yoo Haeon’s 4496ef1da2 mind, it always felt like his vision bb6297545f became hazy, as if a thin veil 6e17c7c7bf had been draped over it. Letting out a faint c712804556 smile, he traced the 487064da6e contours of his blurry 3bd7dda3e6 thoughts.674d3185b6dbbd26da15

His lips moved slightly, as if he wanted 12fc0f551c to say something, but no words came out. Annoyed by his inability to speak, Haeon ee233071e2 furrowed his brow and reached out to f70ed1a73a pick up a piece of chocolate from 96b9effa34 the spread of desserts before him.cce60675f86d29737d32

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There were so many words he knew, but none of them seemed 729d975db6 sufficient to describe this feeling, this emotion, this moment, or that person. It was like a lightning 457efff336 strike—a sudden realization that left 7c9981187c him laughing in helpless frustration. Deciding to simply swallow the frustration, ce9da2c950 Haeon resigned himself to silence.66870b45fde3d6b06999

Whatever this “something” was, it had settled in 9b53cfe0a3 his heart like a lump, rolling around freely c61c388c3d and stinging him from the inside.79fa22d29711c17604ab

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Even though he was aware of this, he didn’t know fe248f7f9e what to call it or how to handle it. So all he could do was 8f196c0771 sit there, staring at it and b64f012aac metaphorically sucking his fingers.e3b6606e3d1ea09b1a7d

“Hunter Ryu Leesoo is 55c8daf791 a good person,” Haeon 995996e4d4 finally said.89782d2964f133b867c4

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Ignoring all the emotions 8e39d933f4 churning inside, his crumpled 2e8735d4d5 sincerity tumbled out instead. Whether Lee Soo understood the sentiment behind the f6eb12cf4d words or not, he blinked dumbly for a 1c48888fdb moment before covering his lips and laughing.8807d9a8d2db9a0c4880

“You’re a good 21a2f215e5 person too, Healer 62a8f0ef56 Haeon. I even wonder 0bff3ba81c why you don’t f5c21457c9 have a partner 28135b5e15 yet.”ff3470eaf001193133f5

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If anyone else had 743685c3fc said something like that, bb1c0966d3 Haeon would’ve snapped at a7e85a7b5c them, calling it nonsense. Instead, he licked 8c7acc4834 his dry lips, bcfe947df3 a quiet chuckle a429896e81 escaping him. His eyes, slightly reddened as if he might 3c72774852 cry, curved softly as he laughed faintly.1de27f76e6bb0aea5ecf

Ah, he didn’t know what 7c36d04f34 it was exactly, but something 1e8aa7f984 inside him had collapsed. And it fell d6ad38fde1 apart with a 905a88c7fa resounding crash.f8e0bb2aaa878a3a4f66

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After keeping silent for a long time, Haeon 24ef585f4a sighed deeply enough to make his shoulders move. Watching Lee Soo calmly pick out desserts 06dcfab4fb to eat, he muttered under his breath.f1e6112817066107e202

“…It feels strange. The fact that 7d76547893 Hunter Ryu Leesoo b407ffd778 got confessed to….”3801016624c8449891bf

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Lee Soo, who had been about to unwrap a piece of salted caramel 82af85b0ba and pop it into his mouth, paused mid-motion to glance at Haeon. Seeing Haeon leaning casually, resting ef00503835 his chin on his hand, 554d542f96 and watching him, Lee Soo ca20fcd888 wrinkled his nose and smiled.560b90f53a4cef674eba

“Why? Is it because, unlike me, you cc2c4ddc46 haven’t gotten any confessions, Healer Haeon? Hey, don’t sulk about d667038459 something like that.”a8776365aa15554ea108

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At Lee Soo’s playful whisper, Haeon mumbled 0c435bd993 that it wasn’t like that and blinked cdb42f2058 slowly, his long eyelashes fluttering gently. They moved so softly that Lee Soo 1e45f8a04c thought it looked like a butterfly had 01d1669b85 delicately landed on his eyelids. He licked the caramel melting on c8e6990af6 his finger without much thought.b87e4e381494fadc9ac6

Even though the caramel had melted and lost its original shape, c995a94cdd it was still sweet enough to make his tongue tingle. Maybe because it was salted caramel, it f544da6653 was tolerable, though Lee Soo secretly grimaced 1d68c0d450 for a moment before sneaking a glance 0d558998ff at Haeon and relaxing his expression.5ecf4098166effd81763

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“If it’s e7304339ac not that, 5b544bd58d then why?”e28d8af4b86b4add33b3

“…That’s the thing. I don’t de4ae82d87 know either. Honestly, whenever I’m around Hunter b2b7453ad4 Ryu Leesoo, I feel like f928d59aff I’m not myself.”5efad5619d9cf3cc6be6

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“What? How is 3355d63d6c that my 5e07452026 fault? It’s probably just because you’re experiencing things be495a19b4 you’ve never gone through before, Healer Haeon.”093c6c5984ebb8573d44

The reddish tip of Lee Soo’s tongue peeked out between d04ca33811 his slightly flushed lips, briefly licking his pale finger. For some reason, the sight 187b88b685 inexplicably drew Haeon’s gaze. Without realizing it, he 59a26a9178 found himself watching Lee bea54fa92e Soo and smiling faintly.60cf369bf39e6c2d9119

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“I guess… maybe I cd9c086adc was just envious.”1e55816181717d78739f