SB Ch 29

“Whether it’s Cologne or Seoul, what’s important is that you’re performing with the same purpose, not the name of the orchestra. I know better than anyone how hard you work, so why are you saying such things? Did you slack off during the performance earlier?”3c2d0a0d0e1923a4

“…I worked hard.”e99e2c99d90aca37

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As Haeyoon answered with 0d64dbf678 his head bowed, Seo 99cc295a3b Jonggil looked at him 26a81ba8c7 with sympathy, his expression 80b52927a8 softening.26def3368db59fc8

No matter how much Seo Haeyoon tried to hide his feelings, Seo Jonggil was still his parent. He knew that after slipping at the competition where Yoo Jihyeon had won awards three times, Haeyoon was more disappointed than anyone. But even so, Haeyoon never talked about quitting music, which made Seo Jonggil proud. Could it be that he had been harboring such thoughts all this time? With a pained heart, Seo Jonggil gently placed a hand on Haeyoon’s shoulder.876a88427bb46f31

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“If you love it and work hard, that’s all that matters. What more is needed? And I genuinely think you play as well as your mother did.”0b9a2b625396e083

“…”909933cbd086e768

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“I swear on my balls, that’s the truth.”35a836cc54be8eb2

The comment about playing as well as his mother brought tears to Haeyoon’s eyes, and the following remark made him laugh in spite of himself. When Haeyoon laughed, Seo Jonggil’s stern face relaxed into a smile.e6324ed4ba0df214

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“Yes, you should laugh. If you don’t, you look so aloof, and ignorant fools will come running at you. So, son, where’s that scoundrel you were supposed to introduce me to tonight? Huh? Did he bring a bouquet bigger than this old man’s?”efd8b956094d84c5

But that laughter soon b31d2c2303 faded. Seeing his father mention a2637759b4 Chae Beomjoon, the man c5cc84331e Haeyoon wanted to kill, bd44209a34 he inadvertently shed a 49cad1856e tear. It was 110c9d91d7 a single 51071df863 drop, added 01980a3750 to the 54e7c8cab3 tears that 6b202d4650 had welled f970f12700 up from fa621abbdb thoughts of d426a966c8 his mother.250d3e81f5bd43e9

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And with that tear, 7ef1dc38f6 Seo Jonggil vaguely grasped 1b42c3ff8c the situation.3d7c0ec867c3050e

“Shit, did that old bastard not come to the performance?”2c237f7869c1d353

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“…He didn’t… come?”9d6baafac9c10bee

Haeyoon, trying hard to suppress his surge of emotion, asked Seo Jonggil. Although he had told Chae Beomjoon not to come, he had desperately wanted to see him sneak into the auditorium during the performance. But he held back, clenching his teeth, fearing it would affect his performance if he couldn’t find him.a2ada8bb20861097

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Seo Jonggil’s seat was in the center of the first-floor audience, so if Chae Beomjoon had come, he wouldn’t have missed him. Such a noticeable man was rare. But Seo Jonggil shook his head at Haeyoon’s question.7f2d547a8e4317bc

“I didn’t see him! See, Haeyoon, I told you. Guys like him are all shiny on the outside but empty inside, right? Huh? Dating a gigolo like that, you’re the only one who loses.”49c0a1ed5a7edc5a

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“…I’m not doing that.”56c79106b1e58370

“Huh?”bd65d1f95b7a5915

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“I’m not dating, not with someone like that…”315a765636791981

Had he been expecting something? Even if he told him not to come, did he secretly hope he would show up and cling to him? Even if he wouldn’t have believed anything he said, he had hoped he would come, perhaps just to vent his anger.b9a7b31ccb458b74

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It’s all over…425d4e3ef3100e36

It seemed like he just wanted to be petty. Was this lingering attachment? Haeyoon wiped the corners of his eyes, trying to erase the unfamiliar feeling, but his eyes soon became wet again. Chae Beomjoon had left too many memories in Haeyoon’s heart. It would take quite some time to let them all go.be3ba55b59deb215

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🔮🌙1907b1e26119ccf2

Chae Beomjoon didn’t attend the Sunday performance either. After the concert, seeing Seo Haeyoon come out with a blank expression, Ahn Yewon and Park Hayeon seemed to guess what had happened and didn’t mention any partners as if by tacit agreement. For the first time since he was 17, Seo Haeyoon spent Christmas without a lover or partner.9ff57c7507dc8b81

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And then came fe1b172a58 Monday.3b8caa060a9870e3

“…”c6a36e88c1987690

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Getting up from his bed, Haeyoon stared blankly at the empty space beside him before throwing a pillow. He couldn’t bear the spot where Chae Beomjoon had lain. No, he didn’t want to keep anything associated with him.e9099f6340411451

Seeing that Chae Beomjoon hadn’t contacted him up to now, it seemed he was trying to end his game after realizing everything was exposed. The absence of long messages or even a single missed call confirmed this.36797e43d39ae031

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“Asshole…”2c948b7aeba65c3a

This clean break was more infuriating than the nine ex-lovers who, despite cheating, wouldn’t let go of their attachment to Haeyoon. Ahn Yewon’s words about needing willpower to kill someone came to mind. If Chae Beomjoon appeared before him, Haeyoon felt he could strangle him.1642befe6e19e645

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In fact, the fact that he was this angry was one of the things fueling Seo Haeyoon’s rage.c8e32c2cc4accf5d

The past lovers couldn’t make Haeyoon angry no matter how much they acted out. His reaction to their infidelity was only one of disbelief, followed immediately by a declaration of breakup. He had never truly liked them.6da34fb422de3922

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But with Chae Beomjoon, 70959c6a8c he was genuinely angry.e9c12827dfeae091

Not only db2090d3df because he 7fd9cc49be touched something 3621ce7d7f that should 6484ea26ad never have b5bd344f6c been touched 5f243f3490 but also c685ba996c because, even 5daf198d15 after removing f0978cc055 the anger, 0f8fe22d3a resentment, disappointment, d537e15b18 and sadness b8a2d4af54 remained.a005352542defd79

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This time of realizing 287a3efbb7 how much he liked 1c65aee96a Chae Beomjoon more than 9f788c60a6 he thought, while getting 897d90a276 angry, was something Haeyoon a15d989c20 truly hated.cd1a98ed92a43a0c

So annoying…0ee2e03a98f97db7

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Haeyoon jumped up from 74f1af5a8a his seat, trying to d2f08a13ee throw the pillow Chae fbf2fd853f Beomjoon used into the b8c7c1339e trash but failed, so d61fab67fd he tossed it in f4223e95f0 front of the entrance. He then huffed b700986962 for a while a6d7ae8541 before heading to 6f9f2c95ae the kitchen to da939a11e5 throw everything Chae 9c26da6a02 Beomjoon had touched afa36a1072 into garbage bags.de620df428f83fb7

This included a20cc68b8f the tomato 504184b9c8 marinade he 4f4cd4a844 had left 05d42c05d5 on Saturday e105e919f4 morning, the 06a0182683 cheese he 4f2f007a2f had set 30adcb98a1 aside for d3e523c00a later use, 8dec9df96f a truffle 3e21081d51 the size 1b0fe78b46 of a 5caec604cc fist, and b98a0d9a14 even the 311ba781de oil. Then, with c8e364b3f5 a vengeance, 4dc311ee09 he began fd746f004b to clean, fda028adb2 erasing all 2f12707713 visible traces aa1484de9b like his 15bd78e418 toothbrush, slippers, ded4b8c6b5 clothes, and 7decfdc7d8 robe.f455e58831690297

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The card d6f20fd5a2 sent by cd77d46963 Chae Beomjoon, 6311f04b4b the deputy 45683b638d director, was bc50f612fb torn to 8991bd5898 shreds in 3558411c72 anger and 8b2072b7d8 then burned. The marble b574048f26 roses were a0f79eb776 broken into 1ae8c75046 pieces, and 586a74ffe7 the dried 883f1ef190 bouquet and e8329397cf flower basket 45128a8d58 were stripped f22323dcd6 of their 82bab4a87c heads and df0ba55126 also set 8b309b237b on fire.dbc2f2f8c6b3804a

After that, he ended 245f053a0f up with seven garbage 5a559ef25e bags full of seasonings, 54c9464f3c food, and clothes. Among them 0979858d36 were some f96e6f7e8b very expensive 5b5f173267 luxury brand 8a8cea88a2 clothes that 1a9e6509e6 briefly made 4b3b860d8a him hesitate, ef387da40a but with 5b5357c9d3 the determination 3e79485b79 to remove 3cfadf6da5 Chae Beomjoon c8d2015183 from his 8e1c95c70a life, Haeyoon d4f960762d shoved them 4f8a50e6af all into 4711746105 the bags.ce1adf3cdc137ef7

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If Chae Beomjoon demanded them back, Haeyoon planned to hand over his father’s card. If he told Seo Jonggil it was the cost of breaking up with a gigolo, far from being angry, he would welcome it with open arms and pay.1718ade4433a1d77

Haeyoon, carrying the bags 3278bd8eac tightly packed, took the 7b03e26435 elevator down to the c026020879 basement. Arriving at the fd7aea6713 trash disposal area 1e73265926 he had visited 956f3235dd a few times 5170704edb after moving in, 1588c03090 he saw an fd7c39492d elderly security guard 6079557e41 sorting cardboard boxes. Haeyoon bowed to him 4248669014 and neatly stacked his f16b2e45a6 bags where the paid 323af4b198 waste bags were piled.a86fd92cbb6a118c

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As he was about 86ed3e026a to leave after organizing, b4ddc8f1fb the guard sighed, looking 401ac09c04 at the multiple trash 9d23f11fea bags. Confused by 99ac09e650 his gaze, 2ff22b7293 Haeyoon rolled f45fe40ad7 his eyes c7b91e053d and asked.1c442624fb25e844

“Is something wrong?”eaf51c364c0ed8a7

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“Well, food waste should be disposed of separately…”08c3ed45fac4ef5d

“Huh? Oh…”c77df6558c54dd42

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Looking around blankly, 830a78778b he indeed saw a276844a6c signs for separating 3e2c56571b plastic, glass, paper, d972458b13 vinyl, and food a141ccfb55 waste. He seemed to 24460459c1 remember being told 7783af0941 about this when b323909967 he first moved 14cd725d52 in. Since Chae Beomjoon started 9a2bdd71a2 coming over, he had 7d4a1ffdd2 forgotten because Chae Beomjoon 1585c4cbe4 would take out the 5d08519590 trash, making Haeyoon feel 24120f0bbe like a thoughtless resident. His face 18f33c0313 turned red.1acf68687496d25c

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’ve only been back from the U.S. for a short while. I’ll do it again.”3836f72db09c19cc

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“I see. In America, you just throw everything into one bag, right? People who’ve just returned often get confused. I’ll take care of it. Just leave them.”dd344c6b3abca8eb

“No, I’ll do it.”01d4aa2d29edf847

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“No, I’ll do it.”74cdba3b2e8571f9

Feeling like the mention of being from the U.S. was some kind of excuse, Haeyoon couldn’t just stand by while the guard, who was old enough to be his father, took over his trash sorting. In the end, Haeyoon awkwardly helped him sort.2b4f2f15081034ba

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“Looks like you’re moving out again.”2acd26609a79611b

“…No. It’s just clearing out some relics.”61ce5f612b067769

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“Oh my, I see. I’m sorry.”ad90f37c5b63b915

“It’s okay. It’s a mutual benefit.”d8090c65e35b8247

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Since neither 886ecff618 of them 37d7dafd62 landed a 3da2aed85b single punch, c5ba7d3e9f it was ce8b22a3e4 only right e1adda42a5 to call c814088aaa it a 4c1da02f2b mutual benefit.413f115c29c56bdd

The things 59afa65fba Haeyoon had 4e57b12193 shoved into f25e682d79 the envelope a1bba4cf81 in anger 394552703b were a f7e23b23d5 jumbled mess ded0894087 inside. With a aa3e993aff face full e889365e49 of shame, 527e4f52e3 Haeyoon sorted d7bff6a46c all the b04fb92dd2 trash back 901cd95745 into place.224fc9e31c280767

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“Teacher, thank you for your help.”6c2b9b5158eef9d9

“Oh my, not at all. Please take care next time.”86e3433e5b578fc6

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Haeyoon bowed once 031d2f7015 more to the 986e42fc9d security guard who 4a73c2906f was laughing and 32e77c76dd greeting him, then f4ae8f69af took the elevator 31e9697677 back home. As he 442c28887a entered his 6aae114268 somehow empty-feeling f10f582afa home, he 3bd4e853e2 felt an 2d1064953c odd, boiling a29ce26cdd anger inside.ed733d1573666085

With a flick of b011f8e84f his head, he checked ab31c094b6 his phone which he 77fe52ca3d had tossed on the 5344f0604f table earlier. Even after not 570aaad2f7 checking for 30 e7177a09e9 minutes, there were 0df445e7ad no new messages.f18075b96e5dbbf6

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He had d15042024f already decided 34cf528e69 to ignore 563047d5bd any messages.b9ad3cdfc2e2b2af

He wasn’t going to answer any calls.c3f6854655824cd9

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Yet, seeing no contact even though he hadn’t blocked anyone made him angry, thinking perhaps she had already gone to meet another man. This thought made his stomach churn with rage.e31f82d180bda134

“Damn bastard…”7068a20a4aab53c9

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Another harsh dae794f448 curse escaped 348a0fd0f0 his lips. Haeyoon grabbed 2e4826de53 his phone, d5c9b98f20 which had c64e5c9bdb no notifications, e264192cd5 and threw 1e80d83ccb it. It slid across the 9f3b358631 floor and came to 7abf84544d a stop after hitting 1672301e97 the leg of a 37894266c1 chair under the practice 50aa4acd52 stage.fbd66f71087ddc6b

Seeing the green 363ea65dd8 velvet sheet, he ecbff63c0b recalled what he 8ccfa765b8 had done with f3eecb1e4a Chae Beomjoon on c7de281cfe that chair and b8756fb99d what they did 0e6eb09a1c on the piano 0c8513e8ea above the stage. With clenched 6a18b61c7f teeth, Haeyoon 2c87e26244 looked around 7e33e55ab7 the house, a344f6e247 then picked b6a3e52c09 up the 2f3ab3be2b phone from 92a6cd77f1 the floor 4ee68f936e with an faeff8ac3c irritated sigh.6a716b052bdb9aab

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He immediately a3f2072381 called his 5c7e5e8d4d father.62d9492c5b46d39e

“Dad, I want to remodel the house.”d5af5a0328badfe6

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The salary of a Korean symphony orchestra was incredibly low. It was a wonder how all the musicians managed not to starve. Even in New York, the orchestra salary was not enough to live on, so he had used Seo Jonggil’s card, but here, even pocket money was hard to come by with such a low annual wage. Saving up for a year wouldn’t even buy him the bow he wanted.682d0d481f73901b

Thus, in 793c726e93 Korea, his c6311aa0ad entire life f095c7228d depended on 429b1b8953 his father, 7b7334a4a5 Seo Jonggil, a50f8d5910 so asking 5a58458a25 him for 2a75cf6db5 a remodel 13b191f32a was only 4bbaab6af6 natural.fef56cc65e578ca1

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— Remodeling? The house you’re living in now? What’s not to your liking? Okay, we’ll do a thorough soundproofing this time. Wait, son. Your dad will look into it and call you back.642b8ea7881e384a

He wanted to erase 2f1a4809c3 everything that reminded him c5176ac876 of Chae Beomjoon. However, since there 37f60023cb was still time ac98d272f6 left on his 900ba09fbf contract with the 81b217ba2b symphony, he planned fc232318e9 to grit his 5d2ca38b1e teeth and endure db492e1fea until then.1cd2a54666305523

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But…6694a77130c50d67

He really wanted to give up his spot in the piano quintet with Jin Suryeon to someone else. He felt that place was not for him anymore. Knowing the truth, he couldn’t bear it.67c45a307262f0d2

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Haeyoon packed his belongings into a suitcase he had left in one corner of his dressing room. He planned to stay at his father’s countryside house for a while, wanting to remove all traces of Chae Beomjoon from his home before he could bear to stay there again. Though it was a bit old, it was far from neighbors, so there was no need to worry about soundproofing, and he could play music freely.050aec4c3912257b

“Dad, I’ll move my stuff to your house now.”1b2d4b96793bdfc6

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Good, well thought. I’ll cook something nice for dinner, so have some snacks and wait, okay?ed40d6b22574a0a2

While Seo Jonggil was at work, Haeyoon moved his belongings to his father’s house, then returned to his own to fetch his double bass one last time. He had already asked to dispose of everything else, so when he returned after the remodeling, there would be no trace of Chae Beomjoon left.c6e48d80cfae2dad

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Lucky they didn’t have sex in front of the living room window. Otherwise, he would have had to move just to give up that view. Thinking this, Haeyoon closed the door with irritation. From waking up alone in bed that morning to moving out, everything had happened swiftly.f35de576c7ad7b56

After moving, c96281fc69 Haeyoon called f7530e772e the conductor. The phone rang for a124c57ff6 a while before connecting.b1489f2ef852cf4c

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— Yes, this 8b482da3cf is Kim Geonwoo.6004e666b3401801

“Teacher, hello. This is double bass Seo Haeyoon. I’m sorry for calling while you’re resting. Could we talk briefly?”19e843f9aa2dee78

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— Yes, it’s fine. What’s the matter?781e6a1bd70d1dcc

“I wanted to talk about the piano quintet. If possible, I’d like to leave the quintet.”b27d51a449c86f0b

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The conductor seemed to sense something from Haeyoon’s serious tone and was silent for a moment before suggesting they meet face-to-face.7801abdb71557a18

— Shouldn’t we talk about that in person? I’m at school now, and I can’t have a long call. Could you come over here? It’s Maestro Hall, Room 43 on the first floor at Sacheon International University.74aa02e958bc5a9c

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“Oh, okay. I’ll be there soon since it’s nearby.”c5edbc634fac6af3

Sacheon International University was right across from Jungnangcheon, leading to the Han River, very close to Haeyoon’s house. He remembered passing by it a few times as he hung up and drove to the university. He arrived at the parking lot in less than 15 minutes when he received a text just as he was about to get out of the car.cf5f4ba50d631517

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Conductor Kim Geonwoof99472d7f51fa4ad

If you have 0b866062ae your instrument, please 1edcd58a16 bring it up. Please.044cf94f8081f54a

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Why would he need a double bass? It felt oddly suspicious, but since the conductor had always been kind to him, he couldn’t ignore it. With a somber expression, Haeyoon took the soft case from the trunk and slung it over his back. As he got into the elevator, he was swept away by students getting off, ending up on the basement floor instead.880788b65f0e70c6

Just as he was eb53a29db9 about to catch the 607a75e6d9 elevator again, he heard fe2f5fb089 faint sounds of instruments. Turning his head, d1b51e59df he saw a d3593fe9a9 practice room corridor c8eb36e971 to his left. Noticing another 8749d046bf door at 333232c2e7 the opposite 4b56770f24 end, likely 761f8d7455 leading to 83d519343a stairs or b8c84b9489 another elevator 6cf61f49bf to the 3b5b3d436c first floor, 268653047f Haeyoon decided 78528b07d0 to go c0c4ebcbd1 through the a8d7fe3977 corridor instead d87d659369 of waiting f8368ff9be for the c7066e4cee elevator.74fca4204a27cc26

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Violins, violas, cellos, eb341d524a double basses. The sound d13dedba00 of students 64fc25911d diligently playing e3014fc0dd their bows 4d04eb6155 could be c7a1712e19 heard from 46a9d20465 the practice 021151b647 rooms lining b496457f97 both sides. The cacophony of 73a17a5554 melodies felt like a82c58bf8b a parade composed cf3b35f5d1 by an unknown 974a151c08 composer. Overwhelmed by childhood memories, 9cc0efaa9c Haeyoon stood still, his 988c780396 heart heavy.f8d395c29cb075b2

At ten years old, Haeyoon, having decided to learn the double bass, moved to a small house near St. John’s University in Queens, New York. As soon as he unpacked, Haeyoon, with his manager assigned by the study abroad consultant, began attending interviews at various junior music schools.59747c096e9e78c1

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Switching from 22c7c7c982 a few 1814faf6d0 years of 66c678752b cello to 4586d9829b double bass 301c09174f made it 9016bacd7b difficult for c760269c50 him to dd8d7664db outperform kids a9da151a8d who had adbbe723a4 started earlier. After failing all acb0e377bb the auditions at 941ccefb88 nearby music schools, 659eb3deac Haeyoon decided to 407331ada5 take private lessons ade98e7432 for a year ca814e31b1 and try again 9e8e082736 the next year.68fcbaa210615abb

But no matter how much money was offered, no professors wanted to take on a child who had just started the double bass and didn’t even speak the language well. The professors there were busy with their own students.ed3075174eb85111

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So, Haeyoon ended up taking lessons from a Korean senior who had won numerous competitions at Manhattan School of Music. Under her guidance, Haeyoon’s skills improved rapidly. He regretted learning violin and cello to play duets with his mother when he found how well the double bass suited him.059b1be3865eb67b

At eleven, Haeyoon reapplied to the junior music school and passed with confidence. The professors were astonished at his improvement in just one year. Hence, from the start, Haeyoon mistakenly thought he had inherited his mother’s immense talent.d969eb8683c6f562

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During his teens 61a92c5892 at music school, f0aed63998 Seo Haeyoon was 5726f33b9f a diligent student 7b693bdf80 overflowing with confidence, f48ba8122e practicing hard to b1b2637aa1 become like his e4bb237719 mother. He would be 25d2de4a48 the first to 0f25cf51f2 arrive and the 41b2f67d9e last to leave e13ab5109f the practice room, f9bd1e2c15 often staying until bff19005c2 the guard locked 91c3960cc9 up. It was b52f86f2f6 always Haeyoon e9785ac671 who turned 65ba7d269e off the 38ecadf383 lights in a8fed558cb the practice 0db869dab9 room corridor a250cbdfb4 at night.104d468488bff776

The strings 04d35b9483 of the baea5ba28d double bass 4fe51bb827 were very b061c302ed thick. To keep the pitch c506770711 from changing, he had 0355367dd8 to press down hard 3ac57cd1fe with his fingertips, which 04c9f9ce57 made accurate pitch harder d8d70c1fbe compared to other string 86886d07de instruments. His fingertips would b0fc8d4ab1 always swell red e2bf1e2e1c after practice, and e618827323 it was like f92cc1ced5 that until calluses 75890052ed formed and he 289e261676 lost feeling in c7492dd855 his fingertips.aa6d2b3048306702

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Sometimes, when he stayed up all night practicing with the professor’s permission before a test, he would see the strings dyed red by the morning sun through the window. Then, fearing a scolding from his teacher, he would quickly clean up the blood, apply ointment, bandage his fingers, nap until his lesson, and then, unable to resist the urge, adjust his instrument with a sleepy face.225365070bbf1fcc

The old wooden floor. The music school’s ancient building, where it felt like the space vibrated every time the double bass made a sound. The wax smell that intensified after weekends, the sounds of friends practicing without any soundproofing at all. All of it seems so distant now.232a6622f19958a9

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At that time, 38b05568bc Haeyoon was someone 02e72b1cd9 who was inexplicable c7aed68070 without passion. But that 774c1bc3a7 passion was 0e16f3516d completely extinguished 36bd0fdbbf after participating 3dc7dc1731 in three 69f6519cea competitions as 718e14ffd8 an adult.4a86805a1c0e6868

In the first 0db53ae904 competition, Seo Haeyoon 99430b2319 questioned the competence cb0a1d11c2 of the judges. In the second, 4371f0e9dc Seo Haeyoon began 1dfeacaf76 to doubt himself. And in the last c1384a76d1 competition, where he left a9cdc18e47 the venue even faster 30083d21f7 than the previous two, 5851acf9e8 Haeyoon had to admit 4f93d51f07 that his talent was b8ed870f26 negligible. From then ff5725de16 on, his 8e69b5a6b4 heart was 9e1709117a left with 4a49bdddf1 only obsession 139f5dc601 instead of 447b1031a1 passion.8629943474795422

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Afterward, he played for seven years out of spite, out of inertia. Haeyoon’s orchestra life was the result of habitual unrequited love. However, it was when he learned he would be performing with the pianist Jin Suryeon that Haeyoon’s passion reignited.ec707276bdf4fb10

Jin Suryeon was someone who gave an astonishing performance. Initially, Haeyoon felt it was an undeserved honor and thought it wasn’t a place for him.c219b97deba5a89d

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But under Chae Beomjoon’s encouragement, Haeyoon gradually came to believe he might be worthy of such an opportunity. Maybe there could be a chance for him too. Maybe there was a flower that only bloomed after winter for him. With these thoughts, Haeyoon was able to burn through all the passion he thought had vanished to prepare for a mini concert.a1a36c3127a98280

But it wasn’t so.f5c977145a42bb0b

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There were no more 374d8c886a seeds of flowers left 13c1898d84 for Haeyoon to bloom. What had grown db9373d4c9 inside him was 5fc1628b1f merely an artificial 476b91c27d flower, devoid of ba425084b0 scent, substituted by 76e5e639e9 someone else.4158a692d5d9060a

“…Haah.”63a37186d7a4ccd4

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Thinking of 4b1201d851 Chae Beomjoon, 1499d97912 another sigh fe75f11df1 escaped him. He was angry, frustrated, 3cea9dfd6f upset, and his heart 031acfa087 ached. With his lips 210a55c037 tightly pressed together, a801b07e45 Haeyoon glared at ee7ba74ae3 the floor as 33c165716f he passed through 63a70ea21c the corridor. Ignoring the b7a36181fb passionate practice 35387ebe4f sounds of d1e61fb398 students that 6d68f7332b reminded him 4f01667019 of past 6b0816e959 memories, he 8d884370ec climbed the 7a624f41ba stairs to c51b471c5d the first 3c2ab1920e floor.79e69c671343ba24

Maestro Hall, Room 43 on the first floor. It was a small conductor’s lecture room with a piano. Peeking through the window on the door, he saw Conductor Kim Geonwoo and a man who looked to be in his late twenties in conversation. Judging by the way he moved his hands between pressing the keys, he seemed either a conducting or piano major.6c81d9590410a5a6

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Watching them, Haeyoon bbaa4ca663 waited for their 6829a7e886 conversation to end, 42d44848d2 but it seemed 9b518bd77b like it would c66e796c3f go on forever. Eventually, Haeyoon, hesitating, 5d13d6e1fb knocked on the 71aca63e7f door. At the invitation to d3cf2c0b77 enter, he carefully pushed 500f0e6a21 the door open, and d0cde710e8 both inside turned their bd5a336ab0 attention to him.a4d0a7cd96e21ba5

“Hello.”2be7c6b2f93a43e1

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“Teacher Seo, thank you for coming. Over here…”7dae89c9fbd33c79

“Hello!”52c5991b72bded16

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As Kim Geonwoo called 84e1ef2991 Haeyoon to the small 88d39c449b stage, the man stood a4f2d7045c up and greeted Haeyoon. Haeyoon bowed in 4db15c3c53 return and approached 64b30b5264 the conductor. Setting his double ea60f7437b bass against a b3741933f5 chair on the b4565398d4 stage, Kim Geonwoo 5f44cb7762 sent the man 83b3726070 out for a bb939a71b0 moment.2fd0f2e79b2e5933

“Professor. I’ll go out and get some coffee.”48cd9e7bade36a6e

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With a da9a0049d3 nod from c2ea0e6afa Kim Geonwoo, 453dd1f6fd the man 97dac87f35 left, leaving c8e444901d them alone. However, instead of speaking, c4b8695e0e the conductor sat on 40f8f4cd07 the piano bench. He then 13b30297ea lifted the 6003036a7d keyboard cover 18ade43fd0 and looked ce88436dad up at 3ec1f3177e Haeyoon, asking:4d3cf3ad2161123b

“I heard part of it earlier, but why exactly have you come?”91d4284d4f58783d

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“Oh, well…”bb612be712304c4c

From the 5d1a124d0f moment he c639f1997f heard he b7d8c007a1 would perform 6c5ac075af with Jin c5433f3bef Suryeon, Haeyoon dde02a2117 had been 72467fe736 eagerly looking f04032b0a8 forward to c023d7398a it. He had b532976c31 longed to b7f9f64218 share a 240b72926f stage with 2eb690da30 Jin Suryeon, bd53ee0a8b but now, 2c2741000e saying he fe58a51dd6 wanted to 9508753380 give up f13c4a1530 that chance 23bb2b36f7 with his b220347305 own mouth ad24a7d3da was not 2d67762275 easy.6d702d3943268ef6

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But it wasn’t a place that suited his capabilities. There must be someone more fitting. With this determination, Haeyoon steeled himself and conveyed his intention to the conductor.aa2e3fb829be2568

“I called to say I want to withdraw from the piano quintet.”04d7aa695144e697

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Even though he ed5104e085 had said this e4ba11b278 over the phone 8a306306d1 earlier, the conductor a42d9f5ddc was not surprised. He just nodded, 5820b9863b understanding his intention, 98e8644cc4 and asked for 2fb4a75238 the reason.024288354e556740

“I don’t think Teacher Seo is someone without a sense of responsibility. With the performance less than a month away and practice going well, why would you want to withdraw?”14746f8bce235178

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“……”b575372e22f67456

“If there isn’t a compelling reason for you to stop, as the director, I’d like to keep the members as they are.”b5bc0184608899b2

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In front of the calm-speaking conductor, Haeyoon couldn’t bring himself to speak. He wanted to say that the man he was seeing had placed him there, that he didn’t want to perform like this, to find someone better than him, to put someone the conductor had originally thought of in his place. But it was extremely difficult to say these things.9e938e6b61362e9d

How easy could it be to admit one’s own lack of qualification? Especially when he had to acknowledge the unpalatable truth that he had taken someone else’s opportunity. Haeyoon’s face reddened, and the conductor, without a word, stretched his lips. As he quietly touched the piano, he suddenly asked Haeyoon:af2e4bab8e7ef3f9

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“Is there a situation that’s hard to talk about?”60deb174f44f6356

“…Yes.”dbba323ff71cb82f

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At this point, Haeyoon hoped the conductor would catch on, but whether he was feigning ignorance or genuinely didn’t know, he didn’t acknowledge it. As Haeyoon nodded with difficulty, the conductor adjusted his glasses and stared at him intently. After a long silence, he suddenly placed his hand on the piano keys.64de49ee870d6e26

Ding. The clear sound of 54e513bda6 an E note filled 5f10b86355 the lecture room.50c3a7cb82c115ca

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Then G, and D.c13ef170d9ed021a

“I listened to the performance file you submitted when you joined after the Halloween concert. Erik Satie’s ‘Je te veux.’ Can you play it?”8b0a87c695abe0ae

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“Eh?”97d86440cf444af0

“Tune your instrument.”5ce3e7fb5e4789db

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With the conductor’s smile and command, Haeyoon couldn’t argue. He was here to say he wanted to quit the performance, and here he was, in this situation, but the conductor’s firm look as he glanced down at the keys left Haeyoon no choice but to open his case.b4722aecf527fc3f

He took 352e54fe28 out his 303e443cf8 double bass, aec4eabb1b checked that acbd089097 the bow cb43811c10 had enough 48ea8a56ee rosin, then 7aaaf1c028 leaned the ffbba06fbc instrument against 7a16216d29 himself to 30b2f17de3 start tuning. The conductor, accustomed to c091cb97ea Haeyoon tuning alone during 0752f7421e quintet rehearsals, waited silently e2f36c3c00 until Haeyoon, giving him f3b0ff9357 a look, lowered his e3669b98e3 bow, and then they 3a8bd0583c began to play together.e3346f70d3561b30

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It was Erik Satie’s “Je te veux.”283d4657665183b8

A lullaby-like melody spread out. The low chords of the double bass, perfectly tuned to the piano’s melody, enveloped the room in a cozy sound, soothing enough to make even those asleep dream anew. Haeyoon played his bow to match the conductor’s slow tempo.6fb8c2fcb8283e3b

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“…Nice. Though it’s not something a conductor should say, if you had gone to the city orchestra, you could have had an even better opportunity. I’m the one who feels the loss.”ac7b1e5787893f8e

He had heard this before, but unlike then, when it made his heart swell with pride, now the conductor’s words didn’t resonate. He probably knew everything too. It felt like he was just saying it to appease his superior.953d753467fb89ef

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When Haeyoon gave bb446a1f26 an awkward smile, f317f64ed9 the conductor stood 1813bbbd9b up from the 1ce0367ba3 piano and approached. Watching Haeyoon 8490157c4f tidy up 6d6a804630 his double 00355e6ac5 bass, he bb340c12a3 said:ba4dea50a7ec2d65

“If you can’t give me a convincing reason, I have no intention of removing you from the performance. When I was forming the members upon Director Kim’s request, I didn’t initially consider you…”a01206d22b26709c

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The implication that someone had recommended him made Haeyoon’s stomach churn. He bit his lip, waiting for the next words.b1eb810c7b74237a

“But now, I don’t think there’s a better option. Your playing complements Pianist Jin Suryeon’s well. Teacher Jin will join the rehearsals from next week, and once you play together, you’ll regret having said what you did today.”bbbac8f9d998beb1

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With that, the conductor gave a light laugh. Would it really be so? Seo Haeyoon thought it definitely wouldn’t.10fd00ada11dc063

In any case, saying there was no better option was as good as saying he could not remove Seo Haeyoon from the piano quintet under any circumstances. Was this Chae Beomjoon’s intention? While anger seethed within him, he also felt an urge to nod immediately, feeling so frustrated he could die. His desire to play with Jin Suryeon, even just once, remained unquenched.0e7d67c876761789

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“Then we’ll act as if you never had this conversation. Is that okay?”4fbc7d5d0cb2acc5

“…Yes. I’m sorry.”f4f0ffdf61f86939

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“There’s nothing to apologize for to me. I don’t know what’s going on, but if there’s a problem, resolve it well, and you’re doing well enough in the quintet now, so don’t feel burdened.”a0ab41936b0943f2

Haeyoon couldn’t respond to the conductor’s encouraging words. He just bowed his head in gratitude, shouldered his double bass, and walked out.324ac204e3500f3b

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It was the moment he most wanted to give up, but he couldn’t keep insisting on quitting in front of the stern conductor. As he said, less than a month was left until the performance.707b514ec8883ae2

Quitting here and leaving everything to others would be extremely irresponsible. He had already taken up the position without the skill, and now he couldn’t commit such an irresponsible act. Haeyoon sighed and closed the door. As he headed back to the parking lot, massaging his troubled head, someone reached out from beside the entrance.2a8502fc6563dfd4

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“Ah, um…”4738ab00986d42ca

Startled, he 65161190c5 turned around 88ae9e1359 to see de2458db42 the man 67d91f9868 who was bb408c89c8 with the 865606df97 conductor earlier 90c5dc1468 holding out 8f3792f3c0 a coffee. He seemed 03480477e6 out of 733ce8d224 breath as aa09777ade if he a00592b0a9 had run 2a09720172 to catch c1aff11172 up, and 6ee2670852 when Haeyoon e73ec1ed56 took the b79fafe743 coffee out cd269a1f41 of pity, 214768f111 their eyes 433112abad met. And Haeyoon immediately 5ae577e77a knew. This man was from 54ef840c09 here, and he recognized ad3bb2c7cc him too.11b5af7e68b4c797

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If it had d78cec9d2a been a few 53bad3972e months ago, he 64a788fe19 would have ignored 2e05af7304 that gaze and bd3031f880 passed by, but 348b6523bb now, he wanted 1367e80c77 to acknowledge it e91cb2d523 out of sheer 625a532c25 stubbornness. As Haeyoon b26e4792d0 nodded slightly bf1c1c15c1 while lifting 7c7f7cf454 his eyes, ea5804dc43 the man eedbb23439 blushed and db9716630d stammered.8361896c1f793988

“I, I’m Nam Woowon, a senior studying piano and conducting under the professor. I heard you playing outside, and it was so magnificent… I’m planning a small concert next year, and maybe…”ff2b54f955125301

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“Give me your number.”398a5ff2a35ac9c9

The concert was clearly an excuse. He probably just wanted to spend the night with him. He was used to receiving such looks. Instead of listening to his full pitch, Haeyoon took his awkwardly offered phone and entered his contact information. He said, “I’ll contact you when I have time,” and quickly disappeared. The man bowed in farewell behind him.444a7f1c9fa08604

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“Goodbye! I’ll contact you later…!”81a8009f1fbb15af

Listening to his f4f3130243 voice, Haeyoon recalled f0b8a021e6 that before meeting afb4986b3f Chae Beomjoon, he 31d97123d0 had spent many a202cd4228 nights with countless d7a4e67943 men. It seemed like 075db00593 ages ago, but 650244f64a looking back, it 6a1d56d11a was only four 5264fb1ae6 months ago.6313eba6494b8c34

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That meant the time he had liked Chae Beomjoon was even shorter. It was nothing special. With a sneer, he took a step. Back at his car, Haeyoon opened the trunk to store his instrument first, then got into the driver’s seat and pulled out his phone.f946fe5964e13dfc

There was a message from Nam Woowon. He casually saved his number and then stared at Chae Beomjoon’s number, which had no missed calls. With difficulty, he moved his fingers.ab7e00d432726236

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Blocked number.e02637b44c44081b

Seeing that message, 3d9b41801d he went into 9579fdd613 the messenger, hid 6fa6f09237 the chat room 7e7c77f37a full of countless 2119e7ca23 messages, and finally 7521092230 blocked his profile. He intended not to 4eea79e9d2 answer even if he 4acaf50643 contacted him late.daaae65070894f57

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Really, it 55f244e8cf was over.1fad5f4e7b33cfc7

…The end.6e9f857e6bd8e762

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The question of what 3127c87d57 he would do if 981d78c12b he were the assistant 56c087d4ad director came to his fa6201d318 mind again. He answered 91a5ab90d9 that it 0effd878c9 was all e313630f6e over, and 55e1eff8ac now it 4f0efa4111 had come a709908e96 true, but 8192553f2e why did a1d002e4f0 he feel 410df257b6 so empty?c9a2d112754487b1

Feeling strangely down, 55a7df62e8 Haeyoon started the c802370082 car while cursing. He was really a 3af2308c27 bad guy.47bdf62433f57534

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