SB Ch 20

Chae Beomjoon froze with a smile still on his face. He tilted his head slightly, then slowly looked up to scrutinize Haeyoon’s face. After scanning Haeyoon’s features for a while, he suddenly chuckled and stood up.

Chae Beomjoon then sat down on the single-seater couch next to the sofa where Seo Haeyoon was sitting. He ran his long fingers through his hair once before looking at Seo Haeyoon and asking,

“Did you take something?”

His nonchalant counter-question seemed to indicate a desire to smoothly navigate past the situation. He clearly didn’t want his feelings to be revealed.

Why? Though he wasn’t sure of the reason, Seo Haeyoon had no such intentions. Being the type who found peace in resolving issues immediately, she threw another question at him, keeping the same implication.

“Do you not like me?”

“Since last time, I’ve been thinking, do you have an axe to grind? Do you want me to just start liking you?”

His sarcastic response wasn’t even funny. He seemed to want to hide his feelings, but if so, he should do it properly… Seo Haeyoon gestured towards his trembling lower half like a metronome beating at 200 bpm.

“Not so? Then why are your legs shaking like that?”

When Chae Beomjoon got up from his seat to walk to the couch, it looked like there was an earthquake. Even the suspension bridge they walked on at Majang Lake didn’t shake like that.

“My legs?”

Though it was a sharp observation, Chae Beomjoon once again feigned ignorance with wide eyes.

“When did I shake my legs?”

“Now you’re even stuttering.”

“I didn’t. I don’t know what you’re talking about since earlier. If you’re going to talk nonsense, go to sleep; I need to prepare dinner.”

Despite the continuous probing, Chae Beomjoon never gave the answer she was looking for. Avoiding eye contact and wanting to leave, it was clear he didn’t want to continue this conversation.

What’s this? The doubt sparked by his attitude was immediate. It was incomprehensible for Chae Beomjoon to act this way. Isn’t it normal to discuss and confess your feelings if someone else notices them? So far, that’s how it had been. Whenever Haeyoon hinted at knowing something, her sex partners would all agree and ask if she wanted to see them more. So, she assumed Chae Beomjoon would do the same…

What’s going on here? Pondering, Haeyoon couldn’t understand and asked,

“Why are you pretending not to know?”

“What am I pretending not to know?”

“That you like me.”

When she asked so brazenly, Chae Beomjoon let out a scoff. His expression was one of disbelief, but his cheeks were visibly red.

“How can I pretend not to know something that doesn’t exist? I just don’t have those feelings.”

“…”

“Why would I, among all the people, like you? There are plenty of people outside who like me.”

“Really? I didn’t know.”

“And I’ve told you several times last time that I’m not interested in that kind of romantic play. Why do you keep saying this? Could it be that Haeyoon is the one interested in me?”

However, Chae Beomjoon maintained a firm stance, refusing to admit anything. His behavior, as if questioning why he would like her, made her feel irritated.

If he wants to hide it, he should do it well, or else it’s pointless to deny it now.

How could one not see that bright red face? Pretending not to know, yet nervously fidgeting with his fingers and constantly swallowing dry spit, how could that not be recognized? Anyone could see that was the behavior of a man facing someone he likes.

Having had nine relationships, Seo Haeyoon was surprised it took her this long to notice, but there was no doubt about Chae Beomjoon’s actions.

But if he won’t admit it even with all this evidence, there’s only one strong move left. This was something Mister brought upon himself. With narrowed eyes, Haeyoon quietly crossed her legs and looked at him.

“Alright.”

“Yes, then I’ll…”

“Let’s stop being sex partners.”

“…”

The single sentence she threw out without hesitation stopped Chae Beomjoon’s time.

Chae Beomjoon, who was about to escape using dinner preparation as an excuse, froze in a half-bent position. His buttocks tensed about 10 cm from the sofa, his posture seemingly showcasing his strong core muscles, he stared at Seo Haeyoon unblinkingly.

“How about it? Those feelings, are they still not there?”

Thanks to an incident at work, he had been awake for over 36 hours, but his body suddenly woke up. His mind cleared, and his heart started pounding. With Seo Haeyoon’s firm declaration that if he didn’t admit it, there would be nothing left between them, Chae Beomjoon bit his lower lip hard.

There’s no way there’s nothing.

Beomjoon’s heart had been overflowing for a long time. That’s why Haeyoon had no choice but to pick up on it.

“I’m asking this for the last time. Think carefully.”

A piercing gaze flew towards Beomjoon, one he had never seen before. It was a stern look that promised an end to everything if he spouted nonsense. Beomjoon chewed on his sense of defeat while biting his lips.

But he couldn’t just admit it outright. He knew that if he confessed his feelings, Seo Haeyoon would leave his side immediately.

The man who told her not to cry because he liked her. The man who was worried about her getting too attached, so he told her not to smile. The man who detested romance. The man who drew lines in his personal life until yesterday. He couldn’t recklessly confess to such a man.

However, with Seo Haeyoon ready to flip the table by ending their sex partnership, it was impossible to keep his cards hidden forever.

“If you don’t answer, I’m leaving?”

Damn… His vision went black. In the end, faced with Haeyoon’s threat, Chae Beomjoon chose an out-of-body experience rather than a confession or denial.

“If you felt that way, then maybe I do like you.”

Even though it wasn’t really a confession, he felt the heat rising to his face. Without attempting to cool his cheeks to hide the heat, Beomjoon hung his head low. He never thought he’d be caught so easily. He was scared. If Seo Haeyoon broke her promise, he thought she would leave, saying “Then I’m going.”

But Seo Haeyoon said nothing. He neither left, sighed, nor looked troubled; he just stayed there.

At one point, he put his legs up on the couch, hugged his knees with both arms, and stared at Chae Beomjoon. It was an extremely defensive posture.

“…”

Seo Haeyoon seemed to be deep in thought. Beomjoon couldn’t predict how his mind was working. It felt like a thunderbolt would strike with whatever Haeyoon would say after coming to a conclusion, but Beomjoon couldn’t prepare for the words that would follow; he just watched Haeyoon’s eyes. He couldn’t say anything.

This was the first time he had looked at Seo Haeyoon for so long. Before he liked him, there was no reason to; after he started to like him, he was too scared of revealing his feelings to look.

The gaze they shared after his admission was so silent. He perfectly understood that there was no way Seo Haeyoon would accept his feelings.

That’s why he stayed by his side without saying anything. Chae Beomjoon bowed his head, unable to handle the disappointment in his heart.

“You said you weren’t interested in that.”

Fortunately, the first words Haeyoon spoke after a long silence were those. Beomjoon couldn’t respond because he vividly remembered declaring to him, who was concerned about being proposed to, that there was no way he would ever do that.

Really, it was a day worthy of the Guinness Book of Records. No one had ever made Chae Beomjoon shut up for so long.

His temperament wanted to babble about how Seo Haeyoon wouldn’t lose out by being with him, but the person in question was Seo Haeyoon. With his strong will, he wasn’t someone you could sway with just a few words. So, he just kept his head down like a criminal, taking on the most passive stance he’d ever had in his life.

Even when scolded by Soo Seonhwa, he hadn’t cowered like this. In this unfamiliar pose, Beomjoon felt a pain in his neck like someone with a slipped disc while watching Haeyoon’s reactions.

“What do you want to do?”

After some more time passed, Seo Haeyoon asked this. He didn’t question why or end the relationship; it was a relief, but since Beomjoon had never thought about pursuing something with Seo Haeyoon, he had nothing to say.

“Is this something I can decide just because I want to?”

The control of the relationship was with Seo Haeyoon, not Chae Beomjoon. When he countered why he was asking when he knew that, Haeyoon shrugged.

“You never know.”

…You never know?

Beomjoon lifted his eyebrows in puzzlement while looking at Seo Haeyoon.

At the beginning of their relationship, he had said clearly not to cry because he liked him, not to get too attached. The sentences he uttered hinted that their relationship would end if personal emotions got involved.

But what did this response mean? While Beomjoon was mulling over Seo Haeyoon’s answer, he suddenly lifted one eyebrow.

“…Are you saying you would agree if I asked to date?”

Dating Seo Haeyoon.

Being in a relationship.

Loving each other.

These were things he had never thought about. Since it was his first time liking someone, Beomjoon had never even imagined such specifics. Moreover, because Seo Haeyoon had taken a stance against romance from the start, it was even more so, but if he said something like that, perhaps…

Though he seemed cold, upon closer inspection, he was subtly affectionate, so he wouldn’t outright say no…

“Are you crazy? No.”

…He would.

Thud, an arrow pierced his heart, and a sandstorm raged in his mouth. The emotions he was experiencing for the first time were too vivid. But along with the bitterness, the disappointment, and the gloom, a defiance surged within Chae Beomjoon. He naturally wiped the sweat from his palms on his pants, then propped his chin on the arm of the couch and tried to think rationally about the situation.

As he had said earlier, the control of this relationship was with Seo Haeyoon. Regardless of emotions, it was something Chae Beomjoon had given to him from the start. He had no hobby of forcing someone who said no.

The sky knew this, Chae Beomjoon knew, and Seo Haeyoon knew, yet instead of getting angry or leaving in frustration, Seo Haeyoon was lost in thought with a contemplative look. Even if he said no, he didn’t leave. What did that mean?

It meant Seo Haeyoon had no intention of cutting off this relationship abruptly. In other words, he didn’t want to end it just like that. There seemed to be room for negotiation.

Suddenly, Chae Beomjoon felt the effort he had put into taking care of Seo Haeyoon for the past two months was worthwhile. Indeed, where else would you find a man who looked after him so thoroughly from one to ten? Seo Haeyoon, who had dealt with many men at clubs before meeting him, would know that there’s no one like him in the world.

Chae Beomjoon realized he still had a chance to take control. With someone as stubborn as Seo Haeyoon, one wrong move could lead to an immediate out, but it was all or nothing. Wasn’t it worth a shot? After all, Seo Haeyoon liked sex.

His hunched shoulders straightened instantly, and his eyes, which had been like those of a beaten dog, regained confidence. Ha, shaking off the remaining gloom with a short sigh, Chae Beomjoon asked with a light smile on his lips.

“So, what do you plan to do now?”

“What?”

When he asked brazenly, Seo Haeyoon looked at him with wide eyes, full of disbelief, as if questioning if he had heard correctly. Seeing that lovable face, Chae Beomjoon decided to go all in.

“What, are you going to break up with me?”

He had to be even more shameless. He had forgotten for a moment that to win against someone as strong-willed as Seo Haeyoon, he shouldn’t show weakness. He had to act even more boldly.

Seo Haeyoon furrowed his brows at Chae Beomjoon’s counter-question. He tilted his head as if he didn’t like it and scoffed.

“That’s an odd thing to say. If you’re talking about breaking up, it sounds like we were dating.”

“We did meet, didn’t we? Every time we met, we had sex. You liked it.”

“…”

Haeyoon adjusted his posture, somewhat annoyed by the conversation that seemed to veer off the point and was full of ambiguous nuances.

“Stop talking nonsense.”

Not letting himself be swayed by Chae Beomjoon, Haeyoon slapped the sofa with his palms to change the mood and brought the conversation back to its original point. As expected, he was cold.

“So, do you really want to date me?”

“If I say yes?”

With this out-of-body language that didn’t convey clear intentions, Haeyoon twisted his lips in frustration.

Frankly, Beomjoon had never thought about dating Seo Haeyoon. Maybe because he was still a virgin in terms of relationships, his imagination had only gone as far as wondering if Haeyoon might like him too.

But imagining being lovers with him at this point wasn’t too hard. Since he had already thought about living together once, all he had to do was add a cozy daily life to that.

A daily life as Seo Haeyoon’s lover.

Waking up and kissing him first thing in the morning, greeting each other, eating breakfast together, going to work. Even when they weren’t together, constantly communicating and talking, driving to see Seo Haeyoon when he finishes late.

Upon arriving home, eating dinner together, watching Seo Haeyoon practice while masturbating, and having sex.

… Wait, except for the part about watching Seo Haeyoon practice, it wasn’t much different from now.

Beomjoon frowned for a moment before reluctantly inserting the assumption that Seo Haeyoon liked him into that picture.

If it wasn’t just him longing for Seo Haeyoon, if Seo Haeyoon was also waiting for him all day and only looked at him, then the daily life that had been the same until now looked significantly different.

Seo Haeyoon rushing into his arms, sending him photos, begging him to listen to his performance, and being jealous because of him.

Just thinking about it made his heart beat faster. That would surely be an extraordinary life, making his past 38 years seem pale in comparison.

Yes, he wanted to date Seo Haeyoon. No, he had to. Having decided faster than anyone else, Beomjoon quickly whispered before Seo Haeyoon could get annoyed.

“I’ll make sure you get tired of it if you date me.”

He knew Seo Haeyoon had some good feelings towards him. However, just that wasn’t enough to balance with Beomjoon’s affection.

If Seo Haeyoon placed his enjoyment of sex with him on the same level, wouldn’t their weights balance out? After all, Haeyoon was crazy about sex.

It was a bit disappointing that this was all he had to offer, but it was one of the most primal human desires and an essential element of daily life that couldn’t be omitted. So, with the idea of promoting his strongest asset, Chae Beomjoon added. That was also something Beomjoon did well – puffing up his feathers and showing off his strengths.

“Whenever you want, wherever you want.”

“…”

However, even with his killer smile, Seo Haeyoon’s reaction was lukewarm. He pondered with one side of his mouth lifted before letting out a small sigh.

His long fingers ran through his hair. Unlike him, Seo Haeyoon answered with his hair tousled, in a calm voice.

“I’m sorry, but I just want to have sex with Mister. Not romance.”

Maybe because he had somewhat anticipated this response, the second rejection hurt less than the first. He could interpret it as Seo Haeyoon enjoying sex with him that much. But before he could comfort himself with that thought, Seo Haeyoon added:

“And sex, honestly, I can get tired of it even without seeing Mister.”

“…What did you say?”

Stunned by this shocking statement, Chae Beomjoon looked at Seo Haeyoon speechless. Haeyoon shrugged as if to say, ‘That’s just how it is, what can you do?’ At that moment, Beomjoon remembered something he had momentarily forgotten.

When he first met Seo Haeyoon, Chae Beomjoon had instinctively sensed Haeyoon’s aloofness in this mating market, which had never bowed to anyone, and it had lit his passion. That meant if Seo Haeyoon decided to, he could switch partners daily. Of course, the quality would plummet, but finding sex partners wasn’t hard for him; he was the type to draw attention wherever he went.

Of course, Chae Beomjoon was the same, but right now, he only wanted to catch the attention of one person. This disparity hurt his pride and instantly lowered his confidence.

His supposed advantage, which he thought was worth a shot, turned out not to be a merit to Seo Haeyoon at all. Feeling like he was going through mood swings akin to menopause, Chae Beomjoon was taken aback.

As he couldn’t find words to respond, Seo Haeyoon let out a short sigh. Rubbing his forehead with an uncomfortable look, he seemed to make up his mind, then spoke in a calm voice.

“Sex with Mister? It’s good. Different from anyone else. But…”

Even though what he said was praise, it didn’t really sink in. What followed the conjunction was always more important.

Waiting in tension, Seo Haeyoon continued with an apologetic look.

“If you’re asking if I want to date because of that, then no. Mister is too far from my ideal type.”

“…What’s your ideal type?”

To be honest, he thought he wouldn’t lose to anyone in terms of looks. So, if Seo Haeyoon said he liked the opposite vibe, like a ruffian, Beomjoon was ready to change his style, his hair, or even his manner of speaking to match what Seo Haeyoon wanted.

“Listen, Mister. My ideal type is a guy who’s about 8 years younger than me, has a big dick, and is well-mannered.”

But what he heard was an unsolvable problem for Beomjoon.

8 years younger and well-mannered?

Well-mannered?

A sudden wave of depression surged.

Chae Beomjoon had never told Seo Haeyoon his age, using the excuse that one shouldn’t ask a man’s age. He had known Haeyoon’s age unilaterally, but unfortunately, Chae Beomjoon was exactly 8 years older than Seo Haeyoon.

Which means, he was 16 years older than Haeyoon’s ideal type.

And well-mannered?

Since his first experience at a young age, Chae Beomjoon had spent countless nights and days with so many people he couldn’t count them on his fingers. He had numerous sex partners, and Seo Haeyoon had vaguely sensed this. Yet, Chae Beomjoon, unaware that this was his flaw, had just moments ago boasted about making Haeyoon tired of sex if they dated. It would be strange if Seo Haeyoon didn’t see Chae Beomjoon as a debauched rake.

The sad part was that even Chae Beomjoon himself couldn’t deny it. He was indeed a rake.

But he had something to say too.

“Where did you lose your conscience?”

“What?”

Seo Haeyoon, who loved sex so much yet sought a well-mannered man, must have lost his conscience. Moreover, such a man didn’t suit Haeyoon. How could a well-mannered young boy meet Seo Haeyoon’s sexual demands? Beomjoon couldn’t hide his spite as he muttered.

“What are you going to do with such a young kid? Isn’t that too much?”

“What are you talking about? What are you going to do meeting a kid like me?”

“We’re both getting old together, who’s young?”

“…Are you trying to pick a fight?”

He tried to say that such a greenhorn didn’t suit Haeyoon but ended up losing any ground he had. Seeing Seo Haeyoon’s fierce eyes, Chae Beomjoon quickly rolled his eyes. He stretched his lips in dissatisfaction, then covered his mouth with his hand, letting out a small sigh.

Yes, that was a bit low. Blaming his own foul mouth, Beomjoon pondered what to say next, then mumbled in a very dejected voice.

“Even if I match one criteria, can’t it work?”

He couldn’t give up this easily.

He was 8 years older than Seo Haeyoon, 16 years older than his ideal type, far from well-mannered with hundreds of sexual partners, and to top it off, he had even argued with Haeyoon’s father.

Objectively, there was no reason for Seo Haeyoon to date him. He knew that, yet he still felt a lingering reluctance.

“I might not be young or well-mannered, but I have a big dick… and I’m good at it.”

He really didn’t want to appeal with that, but it was all he had. Even if it was a significant flaw, he thought it could offset his shortcomings with this major advantage. He looked at Seo Haeyoon, who was laughing incredulously, and asked:

“…Isn’t that right?”

He felt like he was being reduced to nothing. He had never felt so diminished in front of someone before. Would he have to get used to this?

Feeling defeated, Chae Beomjoon lifted his eyes to look at Seo Haeyoon with a pitiful gaze.

Seo Haeyoon was staring back at him, looking rather cute for him. Fortunately, there seemed to be some chance left as he showed no sign of leaving.

At least he likes me enough not to end this relationship easily. This new realization brought some relief. At that moment, Seo Haeyoon suddenly asked:

“How much do you like me? What would you give up for me? Can you give up what you love the most?”

“How could I give up on you, Seo Haeyoon? You’re too precious to even touch.”

With a quick-witted response, Seo Haeyoon burst into laughter. He smiled, blushing slightly, as if to say the attempt was good.

However, as if humor was not even worth extra points, he soon adjusted his posture, resting his chin on the couch like Beomjoon, and whispered as if truly curious:

“Can you cut that off too?”

Cut what?

Not understanding at first, Chae Beomjoon realized there was only one thing in the conversation’s context that he possessed and could ‘cut off.’

His head dropped in realization.

…This?

No way, right? Staring blankly at his own crotch, Chae Beomjoon chuckled and looked back up, meeting Seo Haeyoon’s mischievous eyes.

“You’ve gotten much better at joking.”

“It’s not a joke, though.”

But Seo Haeyoon answered without losing his smile. Serious? A brief silence followed, and Chae Beomjoon, feeling his frustration rise, stretched his lips long.

Isn’t this too much? The one who’s serious here is me… Feeling hurt, he spoke brusquely, unable to hide his disappointment.

“If you don’t want to, just say no. Rejecting me with such nonsense is too much, don’t you think?”

His tone was full of resentment. He was surprised that Seo Haeyoon would reject him in such a roundabout way and felt insulted. Yet, he had no intention of storming out. He wanted to leave some room for himself, even if it meant arguing like this.

Damn. Realizing he was captivated by Seo Haeyoon while experiencing all these negative emotions like those voluntary misery seekers, his face turned bright red from embarrassment. He couldn’t stand his own shame. Just as he was about to turn his head away with a sigh:

“I told you, Mister.”

“What?”

Ignoring his grumpy response, Seo Haeyoon explained:

“I just want to have sex with Mister. I like doing it with you that much.”

“If you cut it off, you can’t do that anymore. Unless you’ve developed a taste for fisting? Now, do you think you can do without this?”

“Anyone can talk about eternal love.”

Ignoring his sarcasm about his crotch, Seo Haeyoon murmured in an indifferent tone. Somehow, there seemed to be hurt in those words, causing Chae Beomjoon to momentarily lose his words as he looked at him.

“I could say I love you right now.”

“…Then say it.”

However, unlike his words, Seo Haeyoon didn’t carelessly speak that sentence. He just uncrossed his arms from where he had rested his chin on his palm and continued:

“Honestly, Mister isn’t someone who suits romance, right? No need for further explanation, you understand.”

“…”

“So, if you want me to accept your feelings, I need proof. Proof that you really love me. If you can’t show that, then let’s just keep having sex like we’ve been doing.”

What he thought was a sincere remark turned out to be a setup for what he said next. He was trying to persuade him that unless he cut off his penis, he should stop with the nonsense and enjoy sex.

Logically, doing what Seo Haeyoon wanted made sense. Changing one’s feelings could happen at any time, but becoming permanently sexually disabled for that was a choice only those with low intelligence would make.

And at this point, he realized that the past Chae Beomjoon, who had criticized love as ‘the stupidest emotion in the world,’ was much wiser than the current Chae Beomjoon.

The current Chae Beomjoon was not scoffing at such insane talk; instead, he was thinking, ‘How long would Seo Haeyoon love me if I became a eunuch?’

“Ha…”

“Why are you laughing?”

“No, just…”

Laughing at this extreme change, Seo Haeyoon narrowed his eyes, pressing him for an answer. Shaking his head no and sighing, Chae Beomjoon couldn’t suppress his curiosity and finally spoke up. Let’s ask once.

“What if I really did cut it off? How would you take responsibility for that?”

“If you really cut it off and come back, I’ll look after you until you go to a nursing home. But you can’t do it, can you?”

Nursing home? Look after me? His words, from someone who naturally expects to be served by others, were completely untrustworthy. And to say he’d endure decades without sex when he loved it so much, the very idea was laughable.

“You’ll look after me? Living with a eunuch, it’d be good if you don’t cheat. Right?”

“Me? I don’t cheat. That’s something people like Mister do.”

“Ha! Why are you so sure I’d cheat? At least as a lover, I’m still a virgin. My body is clean, never having dated anyone, isn’t it more logical that my fidelity would be stronger than someone like Haeyoon, who has dated multiple people?”

“Mister, do you not know what ‘virgin’ means?”

After a period of calm, he didn’t expect they would start bickering like this again. But he couldn’t just sit there being treated like a rag, so Chae Beomjoon argued earnestly. At least in the realm of romance, not sex, he could say he had kept his chastity.

“Isn’t that exactly what they say about a guy like me? Someone who hasn’t had even one lover, unlike some others.”

“Is that something to be proud of? Usually, someone who hasn’t had a lover by that age has some major flaw.”

“Flaw? What flaw do I have? If anything, being too perfect might be the problem.”

“…”

Seo Haeyoon, with an expression that said he couldn’t hear this, furrowed his brows at Chae Beomjoon’s narcissistic statement. The silence that followed made him feel a bit embarrassed, but he didn’t think he was wrong.

The reason Chae Beomjoon hadn’t dated anyone until now was that he hadn’t met Seo Haeyoon. The only major flaw he had currently was not having won Seo Haeyoon’s heart.

“Anyway…”

Sighing and shaking his head, Haeyoon checked the time on his phone, which had been lying on the table. Realizing it was well past dinner time, he lowered his legs from the couch.

His posture suggested he was about to leave, making Chae Beomjoon tense up involuntarily. He regretted everything he’d just said, thinking he’d hear a farewell like ‘I understand, take care and eat well.’ Maybe he should have just kept quiet and appealed with his face. He felt foolish for even trying to persuade.

But Seo Haeyoon was generous. Or maybe he had too much attachment to Chae Beomjoon as a sex partner.

“Mister decides.”

Giving me the choice? Surprised for a moment, he realized it was just an extension of the conversation.

“Either cut it off or just have sex with me.”

“…Why don’t you just tell me to die?”

His calm voice seemed mocking. Is he really offering these as choices? When Chae Beomjoon grumbled, Seo Haeyoon raised his eyes, asking ‘then what?’

“Do you want to end this here?”

“…”

“End it?”

Decide my ass.

It was a fierce question indicating that only Seo Haeyoon could give the final approval. It was a moment where he felt the fiery temper he’d forgotten about in recent weeks.

What a character he has.

But even that bold and cheeky personality seemed attractive to him. I must be crazy. Muttering to himself, Chae Beomjoon then laughed as if nothing had been said.

“Give me one day.”

Begging was an added bonus.

He couldn’t decide such an important matter right there. He needed time to plan for the future, whether to remain as Haeyoon’s sex partner or to cut it off.

Seo Haeyoon nodded, seemingly willing to give him that much time, and stood up.

“I’ll decide before the performance ends.”

“Got it.”

Today was Friday. Over the weekend, there would be a special Halloween performance at the Sooseon Grand Theater, and Chae Beomjoon had planned to see him on Sunday. Until then, he needed to devise a plan to win Seo Haeyoon over.

“Are you leaving right away? At least have dinner…”

“Whose fault is it that I lost my appetite?”

“…”

When Seo Haeyoon grumbled, Beomjoon pouted his lips. What did I do? It was Seo Haeyoon who pointed out what could have been overlooked, making him admit it.

Seeing his expression full of resentment, Haeyoon let out a chuckle. Laughing like a child as if to say it was just a prank, he lightly brushed Chae Beomjoon’s cheek.

“I’m kidding. I usually don’t eat much the day before a performance.”

“…Breaking the promise, it’s not entirely my fault.”

“What?”

“You’ve seduced me a lot…”

When he mumbled this, Haeyoon questioned it with a puzzled look before understanding and bursting into laughter. “Ahaha,” he laughed loudly, then put on his shoes at the entrance, turned around, and roughly ruffled Chae Beomjoon’s hair while saying with a teasing tone:

“Mister, are you showing off your single life? Don’t misunderstand when I’m just checking in, right?”

He wasn’t that dumb. It was just that every time Seo Haeyoon did things like this, his feelings for him grew bit by bit, like adding dust to a mountain.

However, if he said anything about it, it seemed like it would only lead to Seo Haeyoon pulling away, so Chae Beomjoon shook his head quietly and asked something else.

“If I choose to continue as a sex partner, can we go back to how things were before?”

“No, Beomjoon.”

“…I won’t ask for more, just…”

“No.”

“…”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

His stomach hurt. To think he couldn’t even kiss Seo Haeyoon anymore.

If it came to that, they would just be tools for each other’s sexual gratification. What meaning would there be in such a relationship? Chae Beomjoon never wanted that.

So, what do I want?

He just wanted the right to kiss Seo Haeyoon freely. And the right to be loved by him.

Closing and then opening his eyes, Beomjoon felt a vague determination forming within him. It wasn’t strange. Chae Beomjoon, when in love, had a tendency toward such blind devotion. It was something he learned after 38 years.

“Then… if I can prove my feelings enough to make you accept me… do you like me that much?”

“Well…”

To his trembling question, Seo Haeyoon didn’t answer immediately. He just smiled quietly, licked his lips, and right before stepping out the door, he said one thing:

🔮🌙

‘If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t have said such things. But that’s not love. It’s more like a preference.’

Preference (嗜好). Seo Haeyoon’s last words kept echoing in his mind. Sitting at the table with his chin resting on it, Chae Beomjoon stared out the window with a gloomy face.

It was a penthouse on the 42nd floor. After Seo Haeyoon left, he stayed for a while, then returned to his car to gather necessary documents before coming back home. He didn’t want to be in a space where he could feel Seo Haeyoon’s absence.

Although this place was three times larger than his 38th-floor apartment, Seo Haeyoon had never visited here, so it felt less empty. Feeling the familiar silence, he tapped his tablet with his fingertips.

Even after more than an hour, no matter how much he thought, he couldn’t find an answer. If he could, he would have spent the entire night thinking only about Seo Haeyoon, but unfortunately, he had a lot of work to do. He had a lot to think about. Eventually, Chae Beomjoon stopped his fruitless pondering and opened his laptop.

On Thursday morning, one of the mid-level executives of one of DG’s subsidiaries had caused a huge scandal and fled to the Philippines. He had leaked parts of the subsidiary’s falsified accounting books, which could affect even DG Construction, a core part of the DG Group.

Naturally, there was chaos in the organization. Summoned that dawn, Chae Beomjoon had been stuck at the main office until today, Friday, calming down the furious Shin Kyung-joo and providing information necessary for the pursuit, sweating profusely. It wasn’t until evening that, with the help of the task force, they finally retrieved the books and tracked down the executive, wrapping up the matter for now. However, there was still work left to do.

But since it wasn’t something he had to do there, Beomjoon chose to go home, complaining of fatigue. When he returned to his 38th-floor apartment, what awaited him wasn’t sweet rest but Seo Haeyoon, who had sensed his feelings.

The events with Haeyoon flashed before his eyes like a slideshow. Knowing he had urgent work to do, having let Haeyoon go like that made it impossible for him to concentrate.

“Ha…”

Finally, after staring at the screen without purpose, Beomjoon stood up and headed to the bathroom in the living room. He planned to splash water on his face to clear his mind.

Before entering the shower area, standing in front of the sink, he saw his gloomy face reflected in the large mirror. No, frowning would cause wrinkles. Beomjoon forced a smile to check if his face was still usable and then washed his face with cold water. After drying off and meticulously applying skin, lotion, and cream, he was about to return to his seat when he stopped.

He was wiping his feet on the doormat placed in front of the bathroom and suddenly paused, looking down. The mat was old, worn, and torn.

“For heaven’s sake…”

He was speechless. The mat. Maybe because of their similar fate. Today, the mat, which had always warmly wrapped his feet, looked pitiful, and Chae Beomjoon moved to sit in front of it with a gloomy face.

The doormat, which he had received as a gift 15 years ago and used until now, was very worn but equally soft and good at absorbing moisture. Normally, he only thought of it as something to wipe his feet on, but now he saw how similar its fate was to his own. Despite fulfilling its role, to others, it was just a rag.

“Haah…”

He remembered Seo Haeyoon, who had vehemently said no when asked if he would meet him. In Seo Haeyoon’s eyes, I must look like this. A rag that one would never think to use as a handkerchief. Realizing he was no different from this rag made him feel gloomy.

“No, not really…”

However, Chae Beomjoon was inherently a confident man. His self-deprecation didn’t last more than a minute.

His past wasn’t all bad. Although he hadn’t kept his chastity, his numerous experiences had served as the foundation for the sex that Seo Haeyoon loved so much. Moreover, based on those experiences, he had cultivated perfect consideration and manners, so his advantages outweighed the disadvantage of not being well-mannered.

The same went for the doormat in front of him. Though worn, it was still perfectly functional for wiping moisture, and its softened texture actually provided a more comfortable and gentle sensation than a new, stiff one would. No matter how you looked at it, this old mat seemed better than a new, hard one that absorbed water slowly.

Wouldn’t Seo Haeyoon like such adept and caring nature of mine? Probably. He liked being meticulously looked after.

Unconsciously, his confidence surged, and Chae Beomjoon stood up abruptly. There was no need to be so downcast.

No matter how much he worried, hesitated, and acted petty over one word, it only made him seem pathetic without improving anything.

So, let’s plan with confidence. First, start by loving the part of me that’s a rag. Chae Beomjoon made that promise to himself as he picked up the doormat from the floor.

🔮🌙

Someone came to his house right after he finished some urgent work and had a late meal. Feeling his sugar levels drop, he decided to eat first since there had been no progress in the case, and was cleaning up the dishes when the doorbell rang.

Only fewer than five people regularly came to Chae Beomjoon’s home, and only two could approach the entrance without using the intercom. Since it wasn’t a welcome visit, Chae Beomjoon took his time with a sour expression, only moving when the bell changed from “ding-dong” to “ding-ding-ding-ding-dong.”

What a temper. Grumbling to himself, he opened the door to see a man standing there with his arms crossed, his face full of contempt. Annoyingly good-looking, it was Cheon Seju from the Strategic Planning Office.

“Are you deaf? Shall I buy you a phone necklace? Why aren’t you answering your phone?”

The moment he saw his face, he was immediately challenged, and Chae Beomjoon then remembered he had documents to give to him.

Did I say I’d give them today? From his perspective, it wasn’t a significant matter, so he had forgotten. From Cheon’s side, it was something he needed urgently, so he had even tried to forget it on purpose. Chae Beomjoon shrugged shamelessly and instead scolded him.

“You should keep calling until someone answers. You lack perseverance, Chief Cheon.”

“Stop talking nonsense and give me the documents. It’s been days since I asked for them; you haven’t forgotten to transfer them, have you?”

Cheon Seju spoke as if he would kill him if he had, but unfortunately, that “have you” was correct. The files, kept on a laptop without internet for security reasons, hadn’t been transferred to any USB yet. He had completely forgotten.

“Come in for a moment.”

Ignoring his comment, Chae Beomjoon gestured inside the hallway, and Cheon made a fierce face.

“Damn, you really forgot.”

“Why would I remember everything about someone as unappealing as you, Chief Cheon? If you’re not coming in, wait there.”

However, Chae Beomjoon was confident. Even if he gave it late, it was Cheon Seju who would suffer. Chae Beomjoon was free from any responsibility arising from this. Knowing this, Cheon Seju gritted his teeth and stepped inside, clearly intent on getting the documents as quickly as possible and leaving.

Once they reached a spot where the kitchen and hallway were visible, Beomjoon pointed at the island bar. Sit and wait, he said roughly, and then went into the locked study to turn on the laptop. The information collected over numerous years on the laptop was accessible only to Shin Kyoyeon and Chae Beomjoon. While viewing was possible anytime if desired, fewer gatekeepers were better.

“Kang Seungcheol, Kang Seungcheol…”

Finding the file on the organization’s leadership that Cheon Seju wanted, Chae Beomjoon pulled out a blank USB from the drawer and transferred the data there. He then looked for another file, but unfortunately, that one couldn’t be taken outside. It was a document that could cause a major social uproar if disclosed. There was no way he could just send it. Clicking his tongue, he carried the USB and the laptop to the living room.

“Chief Cheon.”

Cheon Seju stood there with his arms crossed, his face expressionless, as if he wouldn’t touch anything in this house. As soon as Chae Beomjoon called his name, he extended his hand, demanding the documents, but instead, Beomjoon handed him the laptop.

“You need to read the ’93 case file here. It’s open, so read it. It’s quite long.”

A quick glance showed it was almost 100 pages long. Explaining that it would take at least 30 minutes even for a fast reader, Cheon Seju checked the time, sighed, and sat down.

Before checking the monitor, he made a call to someone. Chae Beomjoon continued cleaning up the dishes while listening to the voice.

“Yeah, it might take a bit longer than expected. I’ll be as quick as I can. Got it, Pretty.”

Cheon Seju, living one floor below on the 41st, had been living with a boy 12 years his junior since he was underage, without any conscience. He had denied it when Chae Beomjoon suspected it, but eventually, he had made him his partner.

He acts so cultured when he’s alone, tsk tsk.

With an unpleasant look, Chae Beomjoon turned his head towards him, only to see Cheon Seju naturally flipping him off as if he knew he would look. Chae Beomjoon, without hesitation, showed him his middle finger back. Cheon scoffed at him, who was washing dishes with just the middle finger up, in a childish manner.

Soon, silence fell over the kitchen. Except for the occasional sound of the laptop’s touchpad, all that could be heard was Chae Beomjoon organizing the few dishes in the cupboard. His pace was very slow because he was thinking about how to win over Seo Haeyoon.

“Give me a glass of water.”

When only a few cups were left in the dishwasher, Cheon Seju demanded without even looking this way.

Normally, he would have told him to go drink outside, but being preoccupied with thoughts of Seo Haeyoon, Chae Beomjoon didn’t feel like arguing. He poured tap water into a nicely polished cup and placed it on the table.

Silence settled again. After finishing with the dishes, Chae Beomjoon sat opposite Cheon Seju, who was reading the file, with a gloomy face, lost in thought.

The choices were two:

Become a eunuch or return to square one.

When Seo Haeyoon first mentioned that nonsense, he thought it wasn’t worth listening to. But not anymore. Now, Chae Beomjoon had already accepted it as his fate.

‘If I choose to continue as a sex partner, can we go back to how things were before?’

‘No, Beomjoon.’

‘…I won’t ask for more, just…’

‘No.’

‘…’

‘That doesn’t make sense.’

Seo Haeyoon’s intention was clear. If Chae Beomjoon didn’t give up his penis, he would be reduced to a traveling dildo. Until now, Haeyoon had unconsciously acted spoiled with him, but knowing Beomjoon had impure intentions, he would surely give him no room.

Moments like taking walks together, watching movies, greeting mornings, and kissing at every chance would no longer come. Beomjoon would end up just providing pleasure to Haeyoon and then be discarded. The thought of kneeling in misery, asking Haeyoon if he was tired of his body now, was unbearable.

Seo Haeyoon who no longer smiles at him. Seo Haeyoon who no longer reaches out to him. Seo Haeyoon who no longer calls his name.