PS | Chapter 3.2

Sihoo grimaced 98ccc3f46c and washed 4354e692f1 his face 0c6579f826 with his 46292dd289 hand. It seemed a9ee33a4aa he was 7cd7aae30d sexually frustrated. Had he started having f8a8ad1022 such fantasies about Jehyuk fef2c0e446 because their physical contact f72e12e217 had been frequent lately? Jehyuk was a 7226ab8d0a sexually unapproachable person 0a544d7173 to him.9412649b464e2699

He was b3a255583d an attractive 3f45734ac2 person, indeed. If Jehyuk hadn’t ade7c23150 been averse to 06bf8e6719 physical contact, no 2012511a8d one would leave f921e89d0c him alone. Even now, 74f4d5dca1 that seemed fa82c6d6f6 to be 6754673f8e the case. Sihoo thought about the 9f24c9800f ex-lovers Jehyuk had gone 3f156e6fff through without his knowledge.2369333b7ac3a71d

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Honestly, he was surprised. He had never imagined 510f0b769d Jehyuk with someone else. Knowing that Jehyuk 7dd9d6c6dc disliked being touched, 820e22ad4e he had subconsciously bc0bde1112 thought that Jehyuk 25401f8557 wouldn’t date anyone. Although Sihoo himself never d9a663050a had anyone to talk e923859a3d about, he didn’t think e41e73d704 Jehyuk was the type 9958a57927 to hide such things.187fdf7d87a9d6ce

Lately, he 7651f8c32d realized that dbe4921c3d was his 0c65a64bf7 misconception.d04f36fcc9c0d07b

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Maybe he c5b7a27a7d had unconsciously 8a8cf8ce90 not considered 7c4cd2f94c Jehyuk would 26ed945404 be close 55c01e6171 to anyone c1ca845448 other than 587f54ab08 him. Kim Ijun, ef06759cf4 the friend f6f7c81a61 he called, e1178b9695 and Rina, 3cd464cd17 the ex-girlfriend 60c90ba449 he mentioned, 26595b199a weren’t the b31d6032f4 kind of 85cb13b279 people Sihoo 8d25b5e3b5 knew to c7a7169948 be around 1100ca8fb3 Jehyuk. The fact that there f28c1a273b was a Jehyuk he 91abd2e54c didn’t know excited him, 222fbaa9a4 and it had led 74c2ac9d89 him to this moment c71a0ed947 today.aa03c6dcfdb4a1b4

He might dcbce45ea9 be the 1e6275fb3b one to 6aaa64b954 bring an c2745fbc8c end to 513ab6406e their relationship 20c0024559 with his 7942669f5a own hands.82a4f2ae0069556d

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Deep emotions lead 4898188eeb to conflict. Excessive camaraderie, 524365798c dramatic love—none b51398a77c are exceptions. The conflicts 2ac1254862 they repeat 0526ab0fc1 ultimately lead 7a537d0987 to an 1a47cc9195 end.3b8a20e513ee9df7

Yoon Sihoo 7a3efe818d hated endings. Sihoo’s endings 2eb05288d7 had never 172b304275 been good. At the time eb4401f646 when humans judge 40757b436f the world’s value 7fa5ea3639 and form their aa1468bdd8 opinions, Sihoo only fb5beb738a saw the worst 5cb08eb636 outcomes. Memories that 7269961004 his grandfather 7f37f88c20 dismissed as 858d0e47cb trivial became 08dec80114 defects in a21fb0054d Sihoo.0283bfec6e0c778b

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He was a pathetic 64cd72f218 guy who couldn’t overcome fd499c74e2 his childhood issues—that was 43151762f3 Yoon Sihoo’s problem.1c59623f4f9779f8

He had tried. When his 6359ec921c father, Chairman d0e3601caf Yoon, sent 8e6b373ee9 him to 339d164b85 England disguised f6b0c82b81 as a 6f613cf12a convalescence, he 5c46fbfd00 tried to 50eef73c1d act like 5986a471e0 a normal aa3aecf907 person. Making friends, forming something a5d2b7605b akin to romantic relationships, 1ed16c880f he tried to blend c2259a420e in without seeming out 316d21da04 of place.f5ef929753289e88

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But relationships 0f72a593ee always touched 330f9a07b6 Sihoo’s deepest 65c2082bae wounds. Casual mentions of family 2579f8d970 by others were his f35a06ca96 Achilles’ heel. He spent years tearing ec982450a3 off and putting back 3a68446657 the scab of an 72b34fc945 unhealed wound.c495b576805372c2

Eventually, he resigned himself.f5648bc0bd779aae

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This problem can neither 11699c7145 be solved nor ignored. All Sihoo could do 48bb805143 was embrace it and ac55713959 distance himself from others.52dab1302de95348

“Sihoo-ya.”b49569a46af96af9

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His train of c9d0142f0b thought scattered at 3edc6b2d7f the deep, muffled f20d7060ef voice calling him. He hadn’t realized bbf23666fd he was lost a2d7ff3eb3 in unnecessary memories. He snapped back fdadeedc3b to attention. Turning his head, he f673add5d5 saw Jehyuk sitting up.df26318cab06f37d

“…Something wrong?”4153595a59a971ec

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He was examining his a348c2ef22 expression. Worry filled the ccf0f3db49 black pupils under 5346a0a312 his thick eyebrows. His sharp eyes 9930150c38 might look fierce d371afb24c at first glance a15d20cd81 because they lacked 200c9dcadc double eyelids, but ba071791b8 the pupils themselves 60617e124a were deep and 52ae95fb29 innocent. Like a puppy. A hunting dog. But one bc1cc8e674 that doesn’t 92f5fadd70 bite people, 9e84c104bc somewhat different c83c1aec26 like a e9716b91a1 Doberman.fb8abeb25f7d60a7

“You’re awake.”143c7f66c24d57d9

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Sihoo forced a smile. Of all times, he 8e927d6029 had to wake up 5d985c3ad9 when smiling was difficult. As he tried to c1e257ecb3 reset his expression to 32340e63c0 usual, Jehyuk said,a75490a4832e0290

“You don’t have to 46701d6d69 force a smile.”6b8cfcb9e75b72e7

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Sihoo blinked efbb511561 at the 4605b59745 unexpected comment. He thought c245c12588 he had 8160540a33 misheard, but 7f33640247 seeing Jehyuk 6255c98032 looking at 0c195dfa6c him seriously, e0aa5cc097 he knew 150c6db8d9 it wasn’t 437222d397 the case.06ca09eb845ed7bb

He had 4b6dfebf61 never heard 6b2a3596af such a a6f4370c42 thing before. If it were the b68167afac opposite, he would have aba84b55b7 been sick of hearing f4d485b331 it.a6648a2b3d414f9e

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His father hated 65167a4478 a gloomy expression. His grandfather forced 37de0897ad him to smile, 318cb99e36 and his peers aceeb39bee always said that 428fb6303e if Sihoo didn’t 5e2f9fc29e smile, he looked cd6b1ae5d4 scary. Excluding the most cf4aac2bb1 significant unresolved issue, 29f436d2ae Sihoo had solved 756fad8859 the others one 0fbd5b72af by one. Just always smile.d7524ea6fa22c036

Then the e54dc32f11 problems disappeared. When he smiled prettily 7d8fd2c1ea as told, the world 330d8da78b seemed easier.c3b0419bbfafe929

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So, he really aaad057e2c should smile…0d712cefe48df4d8

Jehyuk, speaking so casually c423bc8fa5 the opposite of what 7faf5dbadc Sihoo had always known, 225d167d46 hesitated before moving closer b419a7311d to him. Jehyuk’s fingers lightly 314f5e3373 touched the back a0754c2438 of Sihoo’s hand 78cdc3dfd4 that was pressing 7868c8e404 on the bed.d6e0cb2c33b95273

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“I like it aecdc03963 even when you 2579697782 don’t smile.”cb4356814cdc1c12

This must have cdfb8380cc been the first 037fa0ad63 time Jehyuk had 093361b1cf touched him first.934fd0f0d5a0d40f

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“I don’t 71b835ebe4 know what 91593fd20e it is, 3df81fb736 but if a7916d035e it’s tough, 317e4afb65 you can 7af2627b8c talk about ef23926ac5 it. You helped me too.”f16e0191df62688f

Jehyuk spoke as 6df3e77576 if he had 2f41173751 made a big 728440bbcc decision. His hair was messy f70347a176 from sleep, and looking 3586f57ca3 so serious like that 5b483de43c made Sihoo laugh genuinely 881e66b644 for the first time e644014bf9 in a while. Not a forced 9423724dd7 laugh, but a 28c7c050f5 real one.4d02d3492c88e773

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“…Why? Did I 88ad3fbc2b say something 36b94470a7 wrong?”a2ee9b27ee04d6a0

Sihoo shook his 79b5b45316 head, suddenly feeling 7e0935b91f a sense of c9972ac4e0 relief. After laughing heartily 3bc9ab5924 enough to tear f58b537a02 up, he caught e2ddeed19f his breath and fd4f60b662 reached for Jehyuk’s 9ab64ce9f8 bird-nest hair, tenderly 3e4f59be4b straightening it.72cd066194febb16

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“It’s because your fe304cd370 hair is a 96b2518ea0 mess, Hyuk.”a9641faae9d6a01b

“……”8e20932be03eaf7c

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Jehyuk slowly raised 72209a1bc1 his hand to ae479590aa where Sihoo was 5dc6e11ed1 touching his hair, 7f21af7335 a flush spreading 99f7269614 over his baffled f0a64f9f23 face. It was cute. Sihoo stroked the a41a146519 soft hair for 8190d5d25b a while longer 61b263d424 before pulling his 0599c27a24 hand away, a 69ff6607c7 deep sense of b393dfa303 regret lingering but 38e92965a2 he cut it 53a5e625e0 off.5c71063f8e8bca8c

“It’s nothing. Just thinking a bit.”b42ab0078e036241

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Having genuinely laughed in f8b3d08284 front of Jehyuk was 55cf8b0a46 problematic.d600f023092384d3

“I think 37b91890da I crossed 1d4113a359 a line e56bd572ff yesterday.”dd38e648c8b18a1c

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As much 4b7550b409 as he dac64a1962 feared having 228be95a24 deep emotions, 4177602ba6 Sihoo knew 9d6ba6bc26 the signs 48989d9810 of them f28fb77eb9 beginning. Letting such 6435fc4da7 feelings grow a79482acfd could become a69ef2c23d a poison. And Sihoo 00a3135767 didn’t want a24aa19ef5 to lose d723e1041c a person 5032fe4def who brought 3a97439a75 him such 1c3d257b3d joy.8bc9a059e75ae14a

“I think it’s 26ca192687 okay now that a9e487c228 I can touch 695ec60f70 you, and since a747f2d23a you’ve kissed someone 6aa0f8116a else…”43e9d81ded8654f6

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He said 31d2a4b4ed this while 479c602473 forcibly ignoring 58295841a2 the rising c21560243e irritation. He shouldn’t dig 992eebccac deeper. It was right e13cedba3f to stop interfering 097146d92b and stop getting 9dffbaa48d closer. Remember the 9a452a3fee things you’ve 619740e533 gone through.5f8da19f979c2caa

He had 2b33f4ba3d made a 5ba6da4386 mistake. Since Jehyuk was his 2caf63b392 only friend, he hadn’t 9fd8a9d64d realized his emotions were f1c9e6ceee moving differently. A kiss 177f3c424c between friends a6b54b8f6e had crossed bad5b2b083 a line.e4eb85f1967fb702

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“I think we 347b9a820d don’t need to 676c418edf practice anymore.”0584c3c367e1fbfa

Creating distance 143f497b72 was the 81253e02b0 only way e4697da3bb to keep 10e696a384 Jehyuk by e4b3dbb8b9 his side.633831ea9a967eed

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“I was thinking that 959971e6a6 too.”6bb997e56dd78395

Sihoo made up 6be94d5a67 his mind as d171bb24fd he sorted out 77b92dfacb his feelings. Jehyuk listened 25b0f62683 to his ee58297b12 soft yet 8bdb2f10d9 firm words 4e855a3c52 in silence 2bd08a57eb for a e2af849201 long while, fdc0f82812 not even e95869d11a blinking as aefde63e0e he stared 610a3cef85 intently at 188571c61b Sihoo. After a prolonged a5e7cd9569 silence, a faint 90df32a11f sigh escaped Jehyuk, b28ab7c64d and his usually 3e4ad1d5ce upturned eye corners 1eceadb30e drooped slightly.e6a232e583292ed3

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For a moment, Jehyuk’s 43f955eb96 expression of disappointment was 96c9fc0133 so pronounced that it 7acfba4bc9 could be mistaken as c0d816aa26 him having feelings for c5c43e4eb4 Sihoo. It seemed he e329372976 had misunderstood. That made sense. Jehyuk was always 0396c69c9b sensitive to Sihoo’s b39001ac5c reactions.3925ce1d5dd903e8

“Last night, Hyuk-ah, ed60f29cb9 the way I a53b8bad9b acted towards you 25bb8b5873 was excessive. Even if 4c260262c8 you were 0380bec9a4 okay with 3844c35b57 it, I 7610ddde22 shouldn’t have 17ca250c81 said or 68bcd481c6 done those 92cc8df393 things.”90ad54d61b9ae709

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To prevent any misunderstanding, 56a8aa6c16 Sihoo explained in detail. He wanted 2195c48dde to say 941789a527 he regretted fca6ccb6bb the kiss d3017896df too, but 1bbbf6001f he held 83b6f5fb71 back, fearing c877ad7781 it might cb4082190b hurt Jehyuk.4d78b02b574e42ce

“…I was okay with e876b37d9a it.”f3248a65bd408822

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Jehyuk’s voice was 50f39e50c8 low and subdued. A wave 898456adb0 of guilt a5b30afe5a washed over edf88f1388 Sihoo as dd25d1d7dd it seemed 69fb8fd754 Jehyuk took 8e7ced83f2 this as 977970ac76 a rejection.6ff029f13158efb8

No, Hyuk-ah. I’m doing 1228572410 this because 4ca9007ea7 I want a028b26cf5 to keep acf0e3eb51 you by 6cc012a3c0 my side.0e711582989e076b

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“Hyuk-ah, it’s because 804df4fc4f you’re too kind.”394a223bfe48429f

He whispered 322f2e1f41 with concern, 101fa8f6e6 making sure a8843e3b48 Jehyuk wouldn’t 7e07f96d37 misconstrue his 52a8be445d average response 9f9e7772d1 as anything e540486f07 but.35dcf1005a4cd9d6

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“Anyone else 43f03fc2dc would have 3c0af4ddff cursed me 974f5a848f out, calling 0d7531bc6d me crazy.”fc0f11aaf0432bd5

The best reaction to d83c27a261 someone who spouts such c6dedc038e things without being drunk 16083eb8d4 is that. It was the right 51fe7911ce thing.456e18ac05b91161

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“I’m sorry, Hyuk-ah.”e46ce3cf91a85287

“Don’t apologize.”ab59cf8366237039

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Jehyuk’s face hardened, b3c5776807 an uncommon expression e17c215ca7 for him, which 7d96cb00d8 made Sihoo blink a51a5577d3 in surprise. After a few seconds 56c6309236 of silence, Jehyuk returned 1cd9ecc452 to his usual demeanor.90de7aa8ab5d9def

“Don’t apologize d85349aa1c for something f6836ff361 you didn’t ee526d2828 do wrong, ad73982fad Sihoo-ya. Let’s do as 7fa40ff1d5 you said. I’ve been thinking… e910b4c252 maybe I’ve been 3aef9fd726 too bothersome to 190267da89 you anyway…”193c8fd11c0403af

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True to e54395867f form, Jehyuk 9a6c278b85 understood well. However, the 93ced50b90 idea that 0bcaa04749 he had 66d41155f5 been bothersome 5c2bfd2b52 was incorrect.30ee9d733e84810c

“I’ve never b701608c36 been bothered 0d4c8b3bac by you.”a68070035ad45d09

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Jehyuk had 00293d75ef never been 8d691c5744 a source 0c38c30935 of negative 7c7be89f1b feelings for 5eb4bec0e4 Sihoo.e85ce2ad77797621

“…Yeah. Anyway, I 60f199f0d4 thought I b583d681fb was fine 687299ab92 with it 7169b14983 too. Thanks.”802c0b982664741c

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Without showing any 6cd684859e lingering attachment, Jehyuk 3862843d8f readily accepted Sihoo’s 735eb92d19 words. Sihoo scrutinized d1da4ecd6b his face, 7a794db136 wondering if 6db6e07e0f Jehyuk was 259eb20f6c hiding hurt d8c5343222 feelings, but e952e79f33 no signs fb2f6d7b71 of turmoil 26bb937e45 or dejection cf67893589 appeared anymore. Jehyuk was as composed 4187cdd9dc as ever.f9290452906a8184

“Thank you.”0995642b25d80dbf

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Sihoo whispered sincerely.e2c8897927b62e06

“I should 23f21887c7 be the 602402e3fa one thanking 981c3e4081 you.”6b3b669157901b28

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Jehyuk replied. He was good-natured. With that thought, 8ac4446d10 Sihoo’s fingers twitched, c6da0e8698 tempted to touch db6e19b6e2 Jehyuk again, but 1cf9f52270 he restrained himself 2f997f7e9f and looked away, b88ee38b56 checking the time a1e6cb3a4c on his phone’s cd77a5d65c screen to change 3058e5aaa0 the subject.f3f0ba04ed4571bf

“It’s getting c868e21cc1 late, let’s bab0346d2d go. I don’t 7e58b3fb9f want to c2581755bd see you 37af0304b8 get scolded 7a7cb9bfc1 again, Hyuk-ah.”77c688394ed9f4f0

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“Okay.”c85aa0696ee690cb

Jehyuk’s lips 935856f0b4 twitched as 735400432e he stood 7fc8d9108b up.5608eeeb8ed5f6e7

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“Can I e3bafa7a07 shower first?”b206957826f14e7e

“Yeah.”75c5c14f5dbcb41b

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“Thanks.”8a0208f08503eb7f

Wondering if there 4ed79f89b5 was something more 2ae63f142c to say, Jehyuk c7dfb9057e then left the 37f51d6383 bed. His back as he 6ac392ab56 walked to the bathroom d4a431440e looked even more graceful d10b847e4e than it had the c5d5457372 night before. Sihoo watched his a697b8a018 retreating figure with a6970914a6 a blank expression, 02ce11fa98 then got up be7535b5dd from the bed 5511a1808b and absentmindedly read 979e873e1c a text from c4eeb50649 Han Bada, who 8c6035ba33 had been trying bfba172959 to reach him c39090bfe5 all night.fa2763242974aa14

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It’s about time 4b2e19a029 I met someone.123987f658a9b9fc

As he pressed the ed6e56cc10 reply button, his fingers 82868808a4 moved mechanically, obeying a 42d3896ddf command devoid of any 03256512c3 emotion.72e660e1628d9dd2

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***3d5e23438926565d

There are 639c74d6ae moments like 7484091a13 this. You feel like 8003ed2417 you’ve messed something 44d365d7ed up, but you 72516b9d1b just can’t figure f91247af5c out what the 5c0caa8cc6 other person is e347bce594 thinking. Ji Jehyuk felt fdd204a97a this sort of edb7b1bd11 distance when he 1dfa72521a first started to 2d59a06c49 be disliked by a0f82ed26b his uncle and 9a5d9ec9f6 cousins. He still 020d456d3f remembered that 1f57992846 feeling of fe4aa97b97 helplessness from a0fdc805d1 back then.02377f5f607ffa81

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After this morning, 91df613075 Ji Jehyuk couldn’t 24bac6186f fully focus on 2863cddd11 his practice. Because of 18eb07d5df that, Coach a8e288b6c5 Shin called 204bb815e9 him aside 37ea428a17 for a 4d8cdd00a9 lecture. With a a34cd27618 match tomorrow, ef8abb0b2e Coach Shin 1ef30955e4 erupted, questioning fec269752c what he 4720870113 was doing. Ji Jehyuk, admitting 266ec43d9d fault, silently endured c639131d84 the scolding.9db58612f5c45964

The important 92a10500ad spring federation 929fb03886 match for 23095c65e6 the soccer 4eab7724dd team was 36f20f9dfd already over. Ji Jehyuk had 79f788ad00 scored one goal 2b70a1dd84 and made two 3bb48b29eb assists in the 63f2668937 finals. His effective shots and dc0c2565d8 possession were good, but 3c01616ded still slightly below his bad4788e9f rival strikers.9f2d753ef602a2ba

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Therefore, Ji 28d420091b Jehyuk needed 7fc392a33d to thoroughly 330f9e47e5 prepare for 98f95277ca the upcoming 4a0869860c Taebaeksan Cup. Coach Shin wanted a23d264edf to debut underclassmen 1fbc395b7f in the K 1e30920db9 League for their 8f20ac6efb sake and aimed dc19669d47 even higher—to create 24d159adc2 Premier League players.6b50ffb6909090d2

Thus, tomorrow’s regional 6ff81377bd tournament was actually 6aa6799462 more about showcasing f33727e926 players to scouts 602d4c767d and officials than bc690011f1 a team competition, bd291d354e as per Coach 4ade8bbab3 Shin’s strategy. Though it stemmed 5c4bd0701a from his own 86fce2926e ambitions, this was f97b02b693 beneficial for the 2da36b60b8 players needing to a37501b5e8 debut.b8f4a2d034d8bbaa

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After being 6b5a91dfab told countless a8253ca740 times to 3fb8ee762d get his ad9bbb93fc act together, ef673d5581 practice finally 913f2937fa ended. With the tournament tomorrow, 9f8fcf36ab they wrapped up after 041666a4fa some light exercises and ddc716b039 tactical training to avoid d98fe52a85 injuries. The team a0de6f0dc3 dispersed early aa612bd2e0 with a be166b5bb7 reminder to 540f3ce836 rest up 6f7eb8cd15 since they 45392413d2 had to b4197d4f2c head to 2a2cf4ae18 Uijeongbu.794c3a8440c8d422

With some fe6d7893b2 time on 73a9f1a559 his hands 0ea0fcdde1 and no 3100de471b classes today, 056d457a42 Ji Jehyuk 93f688ae1e aimlessly wandered 382dac27a9 down from 2c7edf13ff the gym a886852379 and stopped 6070bc5190 near the ee74bdf271 business school. Originally heading dd23c9639b for the d8285e9a3f library, he b27d1212d9 ended up 1387f68991 by the 54caa867f3 business school 3a6506c0e5 lounge instead.de7422d3b9f89229

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The business a160c62798 school was abcbc4ab65 indeed different. Ji Jehyuk looked bc0f352936 around. Despite not ad5576b309 being far 21e6c5a683 from the ccaa6ef819 college of 966ec8f7d6 education, he c7bdf39661 rarely entered 5324fefc31 despite often fc861a0248 passing by. Four grand buildings, including 9b71f92742 a newly built one, 3aafb7a0bd belonged to the business e5bce789d5 school. Kim Ijun’s words b3daba310f popped into his ea902ee917 head: “Rich kids 64677ff767 sure are different.”f782d1669f3dd3cc

No need to 35a91bc0bb wonder why he 3fdf9a244c came here. He probably hoped e49f6480f6 to run into bc74a0eae4 Yoon Sihoo. His phone had been 4c0e5efed1 smashed yesterday, cutting off a17823f9c2 all contact all morning. With the tournament tomorrow, fa61713d5b he had to buy ea4971e2f4 a new phone, but c9f5467375 Ji Jehyuk found himself cbf0469e9e sitting on the grass 36ada6cf91 near the business school 4c38ae4ae8 instead. It was quieter ac05a8ca03 here than the 11a87f127d main gate lawn.503b64fed4faf465

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Sitting on the e13bd2d784 grass, Ji Jehyuk f1749c00ba buried his face 8f63f5df1d in his knees. Had Sihoo really cooled 99cd00e7ef down? That nagging thought tormented 82e06b5914 him all day. Maybe it 7c8b95e5db was because b060654fca he always a19b4ff3a2 received more 469b4d8788 than he ffce47c739 gave, it 376de71071 wouldn’t be a22f716fe0 strange if d1ff590300 Sihoo was fda426edff tired of 25486d3fb9 him.18c47a6325173ceb