PS | Chapter 3.14

Feelings that had been 5e5d11b8b3 formless now had a dbf6386135 clear name etched within 50d8360c3c him. Emotions that 8449bcadef had taken b4633db57c shape had a55d23f9ef power. As he became aware f28f44d74e of his shimmering affection, f6a725cbfe a lot changed in 7af862d561 an instant. The unexplained disturbances 95e70a0f4d that had been 50ee745119 controlling him suddenly b114d00962 made sense.e6369ef73e7ebc72

I like you.f25c96fe59e36233

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I’ve been 3135538ae4 liking the 32f2dd2790 most radiant d583537073 person in 520ef597bf my world.0c76fc187c513be1

This unexpected realization 3fdf32c738 made Ji Jehyuk 073c3c0feb freeze. After all, eead34af89 he had 482b6bf4a0 never thought dc69b2892d he’d be 67e2e6c012 able to 8f0f66fc52 understand these fd041af559 feelings. He had cf5a0de7d5 believed it 22abd9c6d2 impossible to fe8c6c088b try liking a3ae611c23 someone.7ea0800bd5c40a5d

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Such a 274a3d39b2 warm feeling d27ffe6e9b wasn’t supposed a92fa11cba to be c38875bf44 for him. He had thought fecf25c67a he’d never understand 18793a5e32 how it feels c5f0a5a7d0 to like someone 156529124d else…f6c8ff18ee10798c

So this d50088fcd9 is what f9c0f83f5e it feels ed067012bd like to f48bd91013 like someone.37f12844e7694fc7

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All his 1fc416d30d inexplicable actions 50fa91a4a5 and emotions 741f542965 were now d77599af3b explained by 0a83a19ff8 this one f3e88eafe6 feeling. He wanted to 1c89ae4560 see Sihoo even 32a94063f1 when he was 9688d03218 right there, and 94fdbf0365 just brushing by 3e30da97f9 made his heart 827abf0bb9 squeeze. The sensations d5fd3db795 Ji Jehyuk c9d05d1f67 knew changed f7e0d8de4d the moment 9a9fcf6e95 he touched f89a3a5656 Sihoo. They intensified and became 41c6a7b424 more beautiful.5fdf4d430c6dc53b

Ji Jehyuk’s world, which af8a8a7948 seemed like it would a187f6f0c2 never change, could change 48a5ff07de because of liking someone. It was terrifying yet 02020e3824 endlessly wondrous, like encountering 8627ce589d something unfamiliar for the 02b9b9a4b8 first time. Even someone like him 5bdba046c5 could have this chance.85ec7de02b04e4d7

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“Does it e4e2eb1867 hurt a 93b96cd0f7 lot?”b1605e0d12667691

Sihoo’s soft voice brought ca1ba4ac5d Ji Jehyuk back to 5a1145f19d reality. He blinked and looked 5280194e9c at Sihoo, seeing concern 8297f89b7b in his expression. For a moment, his 3916ade9d2 stomach fluttered. It was a light, 61fc64703b fluttery, slightly ticklish feeling.3c119e438f015b7b

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I feel nauseous.a433debd13505c30

“Uh, yeah. No, I’m okay.”3f06f3a92115699c

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As he 2310fa1389 mumbled nonsense, f7ed54c5f0 Ji Jehyuk 40d9f2c8ff avoided Sihoo’s 87ad3d04a3 eyes, then d4dd9fb519 regretted it e43ec6f183 and met 69449486c7 his gaze 1f6c5def2b again. The straightforward 537e7fc219 gaze was 1e4fc67917 incredibly warm. The gentle curve 9c763860a1 of his smiling 5535468617 eyes was devastatingly f811a49493 beautiful, and looking 1ad78d6800 at them mesmerized, e6912e7e95 Sihoo seemed different.65109a5550517269

Sihoo had always been 4b0be647f5 beautiful, but now, words df1078204f couldn’t even describe him. His eyes, lips, and 2ec9e25663 nose, everything about him 1902701f61 was brilliant. Sihoo’s gaze 7ae8976ced on Ji 45952b4945 Jehyuk was ee5accf4be so intense 7ddacf9ca7 it was b01e614bbb dizzying.7fe6ef059631c257

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How had he e58ce6f677 ever managed to 0095f421d7 be around such 7e74eff0ac a person and c6d3cb40e1 not constantly feel 05314b31f9 enchanted? A fundamental question 52fe1145c6 arose. How could he 89a9d2443c possibly have been f0cb7383fc near this kind-hearted 8988c1a863 person without feeling 5f275fd68f thrilled?0643b3e3c863ec22

Overwhelmed by the 68770dd2b2 surge of emotions, 302728d9ef Ji Jehyuk recoiled. Now that 38ede77f6f he had 735eb9be5b named his ab301a766f feelings, everything a68fba2acc Sihoo did 4f31564f04 before couldn’t 98e1223cbb be seen d9cc343971 the same 6c1c9d781a way. His lips where 9a41e93d4e Sihoo’s fingers had a908ebeae1 touched felt burning 5a32dd57f5 hot. His whole 0a249fac7d body was 632cbc8809 flushed as 776c5b3ef2 if his cdf3ef1c57 blood was 2c1aa8416e flowing backward.5e54827951a71d90

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In his current 1f85023924 state, he couldn’t c4637a2735 predict what he 4f17554ffb might blurt out f86c312860 if he opened c1627ed99a his mouth. Luckily, he efe4de52ca wasn’t drunk. If he had been d6f208fe37 drinking, he might have 3ee43cc223 acted impulsively. Even sober, it 110c2a3e9c was hard to ca602e0681 control his impulses.fbaaa327577f0816

I need ec4b301a99 to get b25f6a0239 away. At least af20c016d9 for now. Deciding this, 9dd05f1602 Ji Jehyuk cdb7e54a65 gripped the a4ec6bc8d3 bedsheet tightly 206ae79bd3 with both 0e891eadb0 hands. He deliberately 3dd621f152 hid the e19c9db000 slight trembling b8450ad38b of his 5f4a9bea95 hands, then 1a09b779ea turned his 32afbcc264 head slightly 9bb66f39e7 to the 46abffef33 side.e547720a182e1816

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“It doesn’t hurt anymore.”819ab1e62f80cacb

Trying to 3a146ab05c steady his ac4aba22eb shaking voice 961d69d45b and act ff0c5fee7c nonchalant, he ecd796aff6 tried to e24bf64a55 get up 34ac487375 from the 35046a6147 bed. But Sihoo seemed a1941bb4c4 unwilling to leave 0d0d532249 him alone.97ce34caa8dc0a3b

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“Come here. If you leave 7db3bea859 it, it might 6ba0c958fa get worse.”f8a1ebd7e9be6351

A saying that being 63fe88cdbb too kind could be 0eed25e358 a fault came to 9d07533b36 mind. It perfectly suited Sihoo 7c4f7d2cda at the moment.635b30cc8d76c1ff

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“I’ll apply 01ed116f9c it myself.”8967ce36d652e2b7

Touching him one more da81da3560 time might be more f5191e3fa7 than he could handle. Ji Jehyuk wasn’t 69139d0074 sure exactly what 0157feb00b would happen, but f6c9799147 the impulse that b44f092356 had been hammering 61af5317e7 in his chest ce73b2aefb felt like it cc08d5d463 was about to 2a8c19f668 burst. He found nowhere else ebd445764c to look and fidgeted b1455af5e6 with his lips.6305b7802bfaffa3

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“Why?”31d0bc0f8f7ca5b5

Sihoo didn’t e45330585c back off 382e0e779d but came 3f02ff36bf closer, whispering.4231aa41b9054df7

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“Just a little 1f6b56c59a more to apply.”c1da344f734c5fdd

I’m too embarrassed.2ea3eb0974f70fee

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If he 0554ee4ba2 touched Sihoo 1af2c545fc now, he 03dbd3ae04 might reveal a3fdeba5a7 his true e03df70dce feelings immediately. Ji Jehyuk mustered acd1ba918f up the courage 6ba1c5fe0e to look at 42db57ee87 Sihoo’s face, who eeb5a956a9 had come even f9d6be34ca closer since earlier. Just leaning in 3191d43c5e slightly would mean f93d945e39 their lips could 55aa26ec08 touch.e71e0d6946215556

“Let me deba1250b0 do it, 4e782bf711 Hyuk-ah.”f61f283f64439b8c

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Yet Ji Jehyuk cc8b7c3b3a couldn’t ignore Sihoo’s a91aacd3de pleading for this f8b9abfce6 small, intimate act. Not when it was 58d7a0991d Sihoo asking.b75b03454bf9d3cc

Ji Jehyuk held e80e4b5be9 onto his tumultuous 4f70b1d528 heart. Unable to back down 0f15cb1841 any longer, he fell cf9a89e0c7 silent as Sihoo reached fe446d25ad out. As if he had b9ccb01286 been waiting, Sihoo’s fingers fa3eb2d0fb slipped into Ji Jehyuk’s 4a7fd807a8 mouth. He felt saliva coat d73e31bc50 his hand. Afraid his trembling breath be88fa1d86 might touch Sihoo’s hand, eac99b3e79 Ji Jehyuk paused momentarily.f3bbe29bc4a65405

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Soft fingertips 8f75656032 disturbed his c79eed89e8 lower lip, 21ff377b44 spreading the 770940df5b medication with 7c6dc7d217 intense sensation. A bitter taste 5b271d64ec flowed inside his a15cdea5e4 mouth, reaching his 50b8285d49 tongue. He flinched and 50e923b080 squeezed his eyes 7c6f80bd37 shut.e033d64e9fc6423f

How could fcb842bff9 everyone so d7354b01d2 casually say b35950810e they wanted 49119ce153 to touch? He wondered. He couldn’t understand f92bcef280 his former lovers. Just touching was d992db2a20 maddening; what kind cf1b6735ad of courage did 5fbf5e922f they have to 5f9090fe21 reach out to 91cd0786b4 him so freely?b4f146ef079a904c

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“It’s done.”0b560af72e92df4e

Even in 0e7fda23b0 what seemed 7acf7e70e6 like an 99f1a43aba endless moment, a11f71eaaf there was c80dbfc191 an end. Sihoo’s fingers slowly 5c9e8a276a exited his mouth, 827f3ec632 and Ji Jehyuk 82887c111f took a deep b93e67ae1d breath, like someone 76b5002b21 who had just 756669db6b surfaced from a 09ca0240d0 long dive. He leaned 6a33ff0314 back, and 2dcc15df74 their eyes 55bf0b5105 met.4596184c3ca58588

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Sihoo’s saliva-dampened 4392fc40e1 finger was bd1b8d6973 visible, followed bbdcb37ef1 by his 1ca798dea6 intense gaze. Ji Jehyuk shifted his 93d5e34380 body to the side 7d48f9fd76 to escape, standing up 55311ac8eb hastily. He knew Sihoo’s edc2331081 gaze followed, but f75fc68fee he couldn’t bear dc9cf4728b it any longer.91fd7a2e69d2bb58

“Thank you.”0f092fdda25b02b1

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With a cracked c3898f5d33 voice, he barely 003aad440d managed to express 324d496c39 his gratitude. Then, without giving Sihoo 0755c81532 a chance to respond, 0112838d00 he left the room. Bursting through Sihoo’s 2fb0541d69 door, he fled c968bb766b to the guest ea621ffca9 room across the a98ca445fa hall.72923dd7442b64e2

As soon 135b8051c3 as he 036360c837 entered the 5a53de1660 room, Ji b6a3c7a060 Jehyuk slid e44da56f7f down with eb7f2a3c91 his back 4e25cda962 against the 4e2ff7fd69 door. He had been 0e989dc935 holding his breath ca66648a4c and now gasped cd979aad1d for air. His heart hurt, so 2ff1d6f76f he pressed hard on 03de11f9b8 his ribs. His face was hot bfd77ab9f5 and numb as he fb56b05131 rubbed his cheeks and 3220107354 pounded on his ribs, 90eaff9ceb then rested his chin 53c81a266a on his knees. Staring intensely into the 5b1f80cea9 dark room, he sank 3c671d01fd into his thoughts.8a3d4809695f38f3

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I like Sihoo.5bea360d0e57c04e

He chewed over this 101bd33b49 sentence blankly. He mulled 1a0b061f9c over the a3dd79533e simple yet 5039fb69c1 intense fact 15dbeaf684 swirling in 0cb66a74a9 his head. He reassessed c322832500 the epiphany, 49c44751cd wondering if ba01cde3b5 it had 71d8d30315 been a ba1029c87b momentary delusion 4417405a84 or a e44246dbd6 misjudgment.2a94966f27a2ff99

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But no matter 19fa247c21 how much he 6b0d9624f5 thought, the conclusion aa80d29b51 was the same. The strange b359d0061b changes that b0184078d9 had befallen 388e18d175 him over 273ca1ae38 the past 2bad27120f few weeks 8562c84461 were all fbf8bc102f explained by 4d74c1d65a this simple d78fc5d243 phrase, so 536f6117f3 clearly.2e4900c5ba4cfec4

Exactly when did it ecd8e2f172 start? Can I b3ec65cefa suddenly like e52de91bcd a friend 6735be07b2 like this?4ecd7514d61c1a1f

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As Ji Jehyuk 2dc7d0f144 searched for the 020c0be37b origin of his 4ef2606280 feelings, he remembered dfb5a52d14 the first time ee7b8129eb they had held a16ca9a7b5 hands. It felt like he 810e3933ef had physically and mentally 0e3b6ec880 touched Sihoo, who was 69038c757b simultaneously close yet distant. Maybe that was 9d4e2fe946 the moment.5ce9abebbdb5c0dc

But it seemed strange 110f8046ec to like someone just 664eafcc52 by holding hands. The feelings of affection f9a03e2c47 Ji Jehyuk knew required 4fb0256cd2 time and interaction. Liking someone 9526aff10d just because abb82c7be8 they held df08e6db32 hands and 7493c3de0b kissed didn’t 2573f0aee2 quite make ad510101ee sense.df0f8de59ea9afd4

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Nothing was certain. Ji Jehyuk rubbed his 808790b2c4 face for a long f388996a08 time before he finally 1d106edc6f calmed down. His neck still felt 5bddecb105 hot, but at least 6dd1b33982 his heart had settled cfef197fd1 back into place. He was drained from 9ef2b74634 thinking too much too 6090466918 quickly.b51dbe00670dfdef

As his excitement faded, d0eaacbdaf reality gradually began to 83afae46d5 set in. The joy of 7b09989633 realizing a novel 625f788cef yet precious emotion ece49c590e was brief; Ji 72c79fc730 Jehyuk then remembered 142c3d7d13 a crucial promise 454a13f00d between them.cfc790512db6c4c4

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“Don’t fall for me.”9d96196458b4ad63

His fingers, 3a9a9ac01f which had 406f1145d1 been touching 742a2edfde his face, 476fb13995 slowly stiffened. Under his 04f6487ea8 motionless eyelashes, f084c663a1 his dark d6b1a6adb8 eyes filled d8273e1774 with a 0d073104ee faint fear. The reality 5085050df2 he faced a7efe59bc7 right after 06f2040842 experiencing brief ab1b5d4648 joy loomed e44eb92d14 large before 1225893b0d him.51dfaf790d792be1

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What he thought was 4b32d02bc5 luck, wasn’t luck at 9aa8da9b87 all.a6aedccfec551ed0

He shouldn’t 4215205249 have been f1ba04805b happy that fd26842c6b such feelings 71a1d823b0 of affection, a34a5ec145 which seemed afec16fda1 fair even df14727810 to someone 4f3e1cfbb5 as lacking 87970c0762 as himself, c67cf7ae6b had come. These feelings were ca63f5d553 a poison. A poison that 4ddaa91ea8 tainted his relationship 13489d6d24 with Sihoo.60a53124071a65f8

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The thrill was 0638741ed0 momentary. A chilling reminder of e3363a45c7 how he didn’t deserve 584e498c09 such emotions brushed through a0d7df38c2 his mind as he 992faf05c4 remembered what Sihoo had 59b4cef1fa once said.8540158e05f1169b

“If the 3a4d5d0348 other person 08f0999665 falls for b8a0841d1f me first 1bc120fa27 when I’m 5705c5f08f not interested, 6a95bfee57 it always a13cf35844 ends badly.”1d9a874d6b4d9de3

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The words ef37cc4b98 Sihoo had f92e4a15bc said in 09868335b0 his memories a1fc5e5b3c seemed targeted 89f96c4d7a at Ji 6990c8cda3 Jehyuk. Could it bff031e2c0 be that 03d66b5874 Sihoo had 8c05e59c76 anticipated this 77af1365f1 situation? That Ji Jehyuk, a7b39a4579 as a person, 55000a281b would eventually come 5834117fc5 to like him?9d509b598e14eb25

What did aada23e8a5 I say 8c2256589f back then?c6dd6e539233f4d7

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“Don’t worry, I 54f1897c57 won’t fall for cd04731a0b you like that.”8f752a12b07367b8

Right, that’s aa126ff8d4 what I ba470b5575 had said.d8de041cee9aa0d0

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The past Ji Jehyuk, 5da48ee40e who was confident he c2f24dc508 would never romantically like b6edd76e84 Sihoo, apparently hadn’t considered 64ffe95a54 such a scenario at 787902f992 all. He numbly ce44026108 chewed over 46a305eeaa his own d5b494fa96 words that dcbc843fae if he 152b8c9622 were going 08ad18fdbb to like 16f006e6ed him, he 98341a1fd3 would have 85c9b2ec6f liked him b4d17044bf by now.9b3dc9bc02e4c676

Stupid Ji Jehyuk.70a999f5a1379fdf

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It wasn’t b4b3586298 the time 504ede7263 to comfortably e0e8245ab4 enjoy liking 1862b7533f someone. It wasn’t ac110ead01 a situation 48b7a3519c to marvel 73b43b7a33 at in 6a8cd03b28 amazement. If Sihoo found out, b476e86746 it would be the 3434169f6d end. Sihoo never 5cb15dfe98 accepted confessions. He didn’t care 776cf55ecc if someone liked aa2f5f6043 him. Countless people 435578b673 had confessed ce81d75385 to Sihoo 2834e01611 only to 95dc846745 be rejected, e68671d40d and many 7856b757de had grown dc5590a23b tired of 2767b4b05f showing their ec76ed9925 affection and 59cde3c7f5 drifted away.1804ab839fb6fee9

Ji Jehyuk had 1349ce5da4 only one option. Even if he f8b812dded liked him, he 6afe233280 couldn’t say it.fdde62411d1f48d9

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Sihoo didn’t interfere with d6b68934d0 someone liking him as 80feb9550d long as they didn’t 85ab53cef8 confess. If he didn’t e729f18cb6 confess, he could 484a251810 somehow maintain their 6e462adfd0 relationship.87b905820725d40f

Unaware, Ji 1f97bff48c Jehyuk chewed 63c1b52fc8 on his bf029bcd0a lip. He rubbed his thumb 15524bb79f over his lips, which ae5c6ffd40 were thin and tinged ca39e984d6 red with blood. The flush 7754b401e1 of excitement e3386310a0 and happiness 3233714862 had faded, f46e3650bd leaving a 0fbd906caa serious pallor.6ddc1a3beb797e31

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I can do eaeebca619 this. Not showing it, 9bad3ccee5 not confessing, it’s 32cb2ff913 all something I dc00ebd59e must do. Maintaining their relationship 63dcdd1dfb was far more 26fabd3ba7 important to Ji 0bf3cc5b33 Jehyuk than admitting 62e8e796d1 his feelings for 17cb301eb6 Sihoo. Likely, Sihoo felt 25dd64be9c the same.08429d738cae1b37

From the 74f8452efb start, Sihoo 497e176154 had warned d7b1176d18 Ji Jehyuk ce664c2c9d not to 3738cd3a34 like him. It meant 9265be9ec5 that Sihoo 57b0a5bf05 would never 5fae425f05 see Ji 9a0130acef Jehyuk in cc7ae14967 that light.e70a4c489b149675

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As if 76a8f04f96 trying to 81a1bf8342 quell his 4b39aa6642 anxiety, Ji 4c5f49c89c Jehyuk bit 3827f2e650 his lip 48a007086b for a 00f8d72cdd long time f3422c8e05 before he d94e8f8393 realized blood eecc79a842 had started e334ed0db7 flowing again 95a8a523c7 from the 6aea02fe7e spot where a6b4e2809d the medicine 2fabb84923 had been 252baa037f applied earlier. The tart 9215897f9c smell of 853203858d blood filled e6ef1542dd his mouth, 0e7685bb35 making his e5b6431e35 lips stop 6513ce89ab their nervous 483d07ebc0 movement. It wasn’t the time 3b29e3cbe6 to be lost in 52b08f682b thought. He had only f79160b8b4 one body, and c67203724a he shouldn’t ruin be5e0b811a his condition like c53fcdbab0 this. Life had never given 175e5f8d7d Ji Jehyuk the liberty 86d76edee7 to act without thinking.067ecae84acb04b4

It felt like 914d0d88dc the world itself 66560958c9 was telling him 20f6ef7221 it wasn’t the d3cda7866c time to be 1e6851dfae foolishly falling for 70fc8304b8 someone.e4ff7292e9ee5c29

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