PS | Chapter 3.10

People usually liked their special days to be recognized. But like Sihoo, Jehyuk didn’t enjoy celebrating or being celebrated on birthdays, mainly because it reminded him of his parents.

On birthdays, he couldn’t help but remember how his parents used to fuss over him. Although he tried to hide his depression, it was obvious enough that his aunt felt very sorry for him. Despite her husband’s disapproval, she would give him birthday presents, which only made Jehyuk feel burdened.

He had never really celebrated his birthday with friends either. From middle school on, he didn’t have any friends, which made the idea of celebrating even more foreign. Honestly, he didn’t even feel it was a special day.

“Alright, I’ll do that.”

But thinking that Sihoo’s birthday wasn’t special seemed odd. Sihoo was such a bright and impressive person; the thought of him spending his birthday alone made Jehyuk feel strangely lonely.

“Hyuk-ah, you tell me first.”

“Mine is September 14.”

A number that usually falls on a weekday in a forgettable month, Jehyuk’s birthday was hard to remember.

“What about yours, Sihoo?”

“29th.”

Sihoo didn’t mention the month. Jehyuk blinked.

“Which month?”

“Think about it.”

“That’s so mean. What kind of thing is that?”

“Consider it a consequence of owing me.”

Jehyuk’s retort was swallowed whole. Sihoo had just fueled his curiosity with that remark and left no room for a comeback. Stunned, Jehyuk stared at him until Sihoo pulled his hand.

“Figuring it out is your homework, Hyuk-ah. Let’s go in before we catch a cold.”

Sihoo pulled Jehyuk’s hand towards the keypad, making him press the numbers directly.

“Try it.”

Hesitating at first, Jehyuk touched the keypad. Following Sihoo’s instructions, he pressed the asterisks first, then 0, 2, 0, 5 in order. Another press of the asterisk and a beep sounded. The lock on the black doorknob clicked open. Sihoo gestured for Jehyuk to open the door.

Jehyuk, nervous just to open a door, took a deep breath and lowered the handle. Contrary to his worries, the door opened easily. The expansive space unfolded before him, filling his view. The scent of Sihoo’s place hit his nose. The remnants of depression that had plagued him since morning vanished at the smell.

Sihoo closed the door behind him as he entered. Jehyuk, still clutching the wet duffel bag, wondered what to do. He worried about setting it down in the entryway in case it dirtied the floor, and he hesitated to go straight to the laundry room in case the dripping water contaminated the floor.

“I’m hardly home, so Hyuk-ah, just make yourself comfortable. A cleaning person comes every day anyway, so you don’t need to worry about that either.”

Aware of Ji Jehyuk’s hesitation, Yoon Sihoo spoke as he entered the house after removing his shoes. Standing in the entryway, Jehyuk asked, “I’m pretty wet; is it okay if I borrow a towel?”

“Hyuk-ah, you don’t need to worry about that.”

“But…”

Jehyuk voiced a self-criticism he had always kept inside, “It’ll get dirty because of me.” He had hesitated even to borrow Sihoo’s clothes before, fearing that anything clean would get tainted and dirty after passing through his hands. And now, he realized, he had ended up dirtying even the clothes in his bag that belonged to Sihoo.

“I don’t want to make things dirty.”

“Hyuk-ah…”

“…Is it really okay for me to stay here?”

Jehyuk finally snapped to his senses. It had been insane even to ask Sihoo if he could crash for a while a few days ago. He should have known that living together would inevitably lead to inconveniences. From his sweaty gym clothes to dirtying Sihoo’s clean space, it was bound to happen.

“I’m sorry, Sihoo-ya, maybe I should just leave—”

That’s when Sihoo pulled him in. Unable to even take off his shoes, Jehyuk stepped directly onto the clean house floor. The duffel bag fell to the entryway floor as he lost his balance, and Sihoo caught him in a firm embrace.

“Nobody thinks that way.”

“I’m wet and dirty, let me go.”

Jehyuk tried to push Sihoo away in panic. Perhaps it was okay when Sihoo had hugged him while drunk before. But now, wrapped in embarrassment and fear, Jehyuk wanted to flee. However, he couldn’t bring himself to push Sihoo away forcefully. Sihoo’s strong arms held him tightly, calming his confusion.

“I don’t know why you think that way, but I’ve never once thought of you as dirty, Hyuk-ah.”

Jehyuk, who had been weakly pushing against Sihoo, fell silent, his words suddenly choked off.

“You’ve been saying that since high school. But I don’t think that way. Hyuk-ah, you’re just a normal person. Everyone is the same as you. So am I.”

Jehyuk’s arms, which had tried to push Sihoo away, now faltered. He felt the lukewarm water on his wet face mix with tears.

“It’s okay.”

Jehyuk wasn’t sure what exactly was okay. He himself couldn’t understand it. But Sihoo’s words gradually settled the storm inside him, silencing the voices of his uncle and Choi Jinyoung in his head that always echoed, reminding him of the times when he couldn’t even step inside the house without cleaning up after getting caught in the rain.

“You’re not dirty at all.”

Sihoo continued to whisper reassuringly to him for over ten minutes, until Jehyuk’s restlessly pounding heart began to beat for a different reason.

“…Thank you.”

His body, which had gone cold, began to warm up. A familiar fluttering feeling started to rise within him. Jehyuk tried to touch Sihoo, then stopped himself, repeating the motion. He was free to let go now, but he didn’t want to. He liked the feeling of Sihoo’s solid body through the wet shirt, the mingling of body heat, and the scent of Sihoo mixed with the smell of rain.

It felt… almost like they were dating.

Jehyuk was surprised by his own thought, causing his body to jolt, and Sihoo finally broke the silence.

“Are you calmed down now?”

His voice whispered too kindly in Jehyuk’s ear.

“Yeah.”

“If you come in covered in mud, it really doesn’t matter, so never think like you did earlier. Okay?”

“…I’ll try.”

He wasn’t sure he could, but he was willing to make the effort. It was astonishing. After confessing how worthless he felt, it seemed like the other person in his mind would point a finger at him and call him dirty.

“Your clothes are all wet, so wear mine for now. Do you have class today?”

“No.”

“What about practice?”

“It’s canceled because of the rain.”

“So, you lied to me earlier.”

Jehyuk glanced up at Sihoo shyly. Sihoo’s eyes were smiling, but he didn’t really seem amused.

“…Yeah.”

“Don’t lie.”

Jehyuk was scolded in a stern voice and quickly promised.

“I won’t.”

Good boy. Sihoo, who hadn’t used such words in a while, patted Jehyuk’s wet hair. His fingers gently tousled the strands, making Jehyuk feel even better. It was warm and ticklish.

“I have somewhere to be today, so I need to change and go out, but you should just rest at home today, Hyuk-ah. Feel free to look around, and say hi to the housekeeper when she comes. Oh, right. I’ll show you the room.”

Sihoo finally let go of Jehyuk, releasing him from his embrace. The tightness was gone, but a sense of loss crept in.

“I don’t need a room. I can just sleep in the living room or something.”

“Why bother when there’s a spare room?”

Sihoo still seemed worried Jehyuk might not enter, not fully releasing his embrace but loosening his hold. The fleeting regret dissipated. The corners of Jehyuk’s lips faintly curled up.

Sihoo led Jehyuk down the hallway. Past the entry corridor was the living room they had seen before, with the kitchen opposite. Beyond that was a straight corridor with four rooms. They stopped opposite Sihoo’s room at the end of the corridor. Sihoo gestured towards a closed door.

“Open it. It’s set up as a guest room, but no one’s ever been invited, so you’ll be the first one to go in.”

Hesitating, Jehyuk exchanged looks with Sihoo, who nodded as if to encourage him to enter. Taking a deep breath, Jehyuk slowly opened the door and stepped inside.

The room was easily three times the size of Jehyuk’s boarding house room. A large bed was placed against the window, with a nightstand beside it. The wooden furniture all looked expensive and elegant.

A mirror and wardrobe were also set up, and there was even a separate bathroom. The room, equipped with a desk and sofa for studying, was so well-appointed that one could live comfortably within it alone.

“This is your room, Hyuk-ah.”

Sihoo spoke in a gentle voice, reassuring Jehyuk. Ironically, it wrapped him in a greater sense of relief than when he had entered his aunt’s house.

It felt like he had come to a long-forgotten sanctuary.

***

Sihoo rushed off to shower, clearly in a hurry about something. While he washed up, Ji Jehyuk also took a shower. The temporary room Ji Jehyuk would use was fully equipped with towels, extra pajamas, shower supplies, and everything else he needed for a comfortable wash. Luckily, there was a dry set of clothes at the bottom of his bag, so Ji Jehyuk changed into those. It seemed Sihoo had already finished showering, as the sound of a hairdryer could be heard from his room. Ji Jehyuk, with his short hair, didn’t need to use a dryer; his hair dried quickly, so he quickly finished up and lingered by the door, waiting for Sihoo to come out.

A little later, Sihoo emerged from his room dressed impressively, his hair neatly swept back and wearing a semi-formal outfit that made him look like a real adult. He didn’t exactly give off a corporate vibe. It was more refined than that. He looked like someone very familiar with such attire.

“Waiting like a puppy, huh?”

As soon as Sihoo appeared, he noticed Ji Jehyuk and chuckled. Ji Jehyuk had been intently staring at Sihoo’s door while leaning against the hallway wall, so it was quite obvious. Still, being compared to a puppy didn’t really suit him. Where could you find such a large dog?

“Are you heading out now?”

“Yeah. I’ll be back by dinner.”

Was there a presentation or something? Ji Jehyuk remembered that Sihoo didn’t have any classes except in the morning today. He was curious but held back from asking. He didn’t want to pry if Sihoo chose not to tell.

“Got it.”

“Hyuk-ah, you said you have no practice or classes today, so just rest. You might catch a cold from the rain.”

“Alright, I will.”

Honestly, Ji Jehyuk didn’t even know exactly where he was, plus he liked being at home, so he had no plans to go out.

“Auntie will come by around lunch to prepare food and clean up. I’ll tell her in advance, so don’t be surprised. I’ll be off then.”

There was something pleasant about hearing ‘I’ll be off’. Maybe it was because it had been a while since he’d stayed with someone.

“Take care.”

Ji Jehyuk followed Sihoo to the entrance, bidding him farewell, and Sihoo smiled.

“You don’t need to see me off.”

“Can’t I?”

“You can, but it’s a hassle, right?”

“I want to see you off.”

Ji Jehyuk spoke sincerely.

“It feels good to have someone to come back to, you know? It’s a feeling I haven’t experienced since I was a child, and I guess you haven’t for a long time either, considering how big this house is and that no one has visited.”

“I hope you felt good too.”