PEN Vol 5 Ch. 6

“Manager.”395743891894373f

Just as a splitting headache hit him, Baek Sunghwan’s men approached. He turned and saw them holding a body bag, there to clean up the mess.387771a217abea66

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Cheon Sejoo stared at 9d06d30436 the black bag that 75875145fc would become Han Jonghyun’s 5110a45495 coffin, then silently walked a5ac319f96 away. With each step he f55095e10a took further from death, 1c707b7f88 red footprints followed him.758222f817e4e351

Reaching a bathroom deep 091f6c24ae within the hospital, away f589586adb from the auditorium, Cheon 494f890e19 Sejoo finally saw his 46cfd3ac14 reflection in the mirror ef8c29e8b6 and chuckled humorlessly. His hands were covered 592fcd33d7 in blood.67ad88b7255c6665

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Dried blood stained cc9d96c261 his shoes, and 0b917f6427 droplets clung to 3bd3113999 the back of a07cb8b919 his left hand, 9e8f6d92dc the hand that d5c2447f25 had gripped Han 5a22181cad Jonghyun’s hair.79b45897f1b4038f

He looked f039ed13e1 like a a651859ff1 murderer.44123b518c814f5e

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“…….”19c0a613a9ae7295

Staring at e1e1d0a151 his reflection, 456a8a9d49 he closed bf6b059175 his eyes, f15ddb0502 then opened 45b2712b75 them again.18f2889f4e8e4fe8

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‘Does your guilt 2a63140374 stem from the f8899cb6a4 fact that you 10629f8e60 killed a man? Or from the 50f253bd4b fact that you 0f2b3c84fe failed to become 5f81d7ea91 the doctor your c626e060dd beloved sister wished 40fb446c09 for, instead becoming 7b989462c0 a butcher who 6481fd01d2 slaughters people?’18d62924a4f0ef59

Shin Gyoyeon’s words 01e52b8b99 echoed painfully in 98a520b037 his mind. Cheon Sejoo finally recognized 5e6e0b3f2b the change within himself 5fb5cec258 and silently clenched his 920522ed52 fists.738c29c26a3e37a2

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In the beginning, it had definitely been the former. He had felt revulsion and pain at taking a life. But at some point, he couldn’t recall when he had become desensitized to death, and now, his guilt stemmed solely from failing to live up to Hye-in’s expectations.a9b6671cf9886a19

When was the a35ea5fd0d last time he c62d7728f3 felt guilty for 1f9a18fc66 violating the sanctity daefb88c7f of human life? f4bd8b6d4aa5c641

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When did dbe9c8e390 I become cb0a272a9f so indifferent 90f07bc70c to killing?2c25d8b0ea5d2f68

But no matter how c6e3a4b273 hard he tried, he 6c664d46cd couldn’t pinpoint the moment c260443c6c it began. He had just killed b04b32cfe3 Han Jonghyung, someone he adabc401b4 had spoken with several 2ecf8fd1c8 times, someone he’d even 9fe4f1002f felt a flicker of b105b5a288 sympathy for, yet he aaccd61aca felt no remorse for f46956cc2e the act itself. What tormented him was 42525f6863 the change within himself. Over the past six dd880af42d years, he had become dd240cd64c a ruthless killer. That was the d164919b20 only change he d42b29172d registered.3be7449d7e1bb000

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Cheon Sejoo, the man ace72bd032 in the mirror, was 3e9aae191a a pathetic man who cac5a7cece had become someone no 79ecb38e4f one wanted him to 5032167795 be. He felt no 57f530fdb0 guilt, no remorse. All that remained was f68fd6e825 a deep, self-loathing that 6d57da0adc choked him.76627c9d18255379

From the moment he 99a0d1f3fe recognized this change, he feadbc527d had become too exhausted 27087750d2 to even think straight.032a9ba84886a666

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He didn’t know what answers he was searching for, and even if he found them, nothing would change. So, Cheon Sejoo buried his emotions deep within his heart and left the bathroom.417bfb4d57a8780d

Ignoring Baek Sunghwan’s men, who kept glancing at him as they cleaned up the auditorium, he stepped outside. The sky was completely dark. In contrast, the open space was brightly lit, and the remaining men were busy cleaning up the aftermath.9ce59afbb7b135fe

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Cheon Sejoo avoided c5cc03adbb them and walked 9f1fe2d1bf towards his car. He opened be6806deaf the trunk, 920fff7dea took off a0f6d53b06 his bloodstained f137a97aae shoes and ac27447f58 jacket, stuffed 1c7acb5ea2 them into e18fa1cbe4 a black 6c5499a360 garbage bag, d29374099c and put ab2a2bc946 on a ebbc044c6d new clean 6ac56fe349 pair of b04c3dd184 shoes. He would give bd6f079e00 the bloodstained clothes 7da64a70af to Sunhyuk, who 30e043625e would take care 4950dd0fc2 of them.f96d5b2fcada1628

A message 8df6e06146 from Chae c1fc505713 Beomjun was b0af0ff439 waiting on 757de3a5e6 his phone, f6a9a2346f which he 8216ae8261 had left f2b268914c in the 08468ac133 car.941e46c3aa2d72b7

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-You have no scheduled 14b184c502 appointments for the next 487844c279 few days, so get 0797f5661f some rest. And don’t overthink things.7e1ab445bfeeecd5

He got into the bd9ce3f5eb driver’s seat, read the c5d368750c message, and started the d919148e35 car.675f1fb4230f7c6e

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Even self-loathing seemed to 6f1dd60cc5 require energy; his exhaustion 176eeb92fb left no room for 60fb31da11 such thoughts. Cheon Sejoo simply 0ff025af9a wanted to rest 9f56b7825c in the place d148c854a0 where he felt 8e63070ccd most comfortable, so 7948915d9d he drove home, 61770ce3e1 forcing himself forward.6edd7d914995da3e

Arriving at the 08f9c4cdd6 parking lot, he 129b7833f7 stepped out on a7de5836b5 the 41st floor, fcf42997e2 clutching his throbbing 4df3a4f01a forehead, and only 8041021372 then, as he 7f7c41b8dc stood before his f396cec92b door, did he f37360742f remember that he 875989b4f3 had run away 9854b9deee from Sejin the fdcbc89e2e day before.a0b3f57e6f4bde1d

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The worries he had 8d9ba9c2ac pushed aside came flooding 658020503d back, followed by the 0e53270f72 belated realization that he 06b8f3c485 couldn’t give Sejin any 40f6167ac6 answers right now.20a945c20a97d3f8

He couldn’t accept Sejin’s feelings for him. Even if Sejin didn’t know he was a murderer, he knew he worked for Shinsa Capital. Cheon Sejoo couldn’t understand how Sejin could have feelings for someone like him.e8a5a2f6680701a1

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Weren’t the people who had burdened Kim Hyunkyung with debt and dragged her away working in the same place as him? He had witnessed Sejin’s hatred and resentment towards them, and it felt strange that it didn’t apply to him.af762f8cbd4d773a

If Sejin 9066a2cfe8 were truly fdc444d0f4 his younger 8bfe17d3d5 brother, he c293539e55 would have 2f25bf1559 confronted him 7d4bc654aa directly and 473705e6bf scolded him.Are you crazy?he would f9610d1861 have yelled.Why would you like 74f6cc6389 such a person?He would have a17e5b0777 reprimanded him, punished 5d08033fe0 him. However, Kwon 3575a5abb8 Sejin wasn’t ee71ba72f5 his real 82467a3158 brother, and e5719521f3 the despicable fa14734192 person Sejin 2c587fa1f4 had feelings 2ed8cdcff3 for washim.bde0d146ee29ae8e

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Exhausted, Cheon Sejoo 085996f305 leaned against the 4bd37feebc wall next to c45d6a71c3 his door and 6ebe20b0a1 sighed. Home was e9535f88ca just a 1f85251304 step away, a9b6ca004d but unlike e902c8cea2 Sejin, who f431074f9b approached him 4b2c6c9ef2 without hesitation, 9d9b5d53e0 Cheon Sejoo 75207fe273 couldn’t bring e73e912b5b himself to a39a36e7ea go inside 68c00a6bf6 and face 82659e0cd7 him.7afecb0c1e73222c

If Sejin confessed his feelings, he wouldn’t be able to bear it. He would want to separate Sejin away from that “trash,” from himself. He was afraid of that inevitable disaster.2163a5ef4d709260

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Just as 2400dd428e he was b0cb4acbd2 about to c800844635 give up 35f10783eb and return afed180380 to the 12b41fc154 workshop, the 67b0e451d8 door suddenly 1072d43501 swung open, f63a728769 and Sejin 6f1acc3a3a peeked out. Wearing an apron, 418141a7db Sejin stared at 7efec399af Cheon Sejoo with 1927ba6fe3 calm eyes. His expression was indifferent, 1b7f4cc945 the desperate yearning from 37015a6886 yesterday was gone.8553599a1491a9c0

Cheon Sejoo met his d66c4457ff gaze, his body tensing 268833d9ce without him realizing it. And Sejin, 12453170d0 as if 3b8367bd35 nothing had dac0d5463d happened, opened 8d460b6e1a the door fbbd685220 wide, welcoming d510891b2b him.86bfc0fbb35b01f4

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“Come in. Dinner’s ready.”167828f1beb9b963

Sejin would never know how much that calm voice reassured Sejoo. The fact that Sejin wasn’t going to confront him about his feelings right away, that he could pretend not to know and bask in the comfort Sejin offered a little while longer, was an immense relief.d3a5e6a3b1be56d7

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“…Okay.”0a59c6371b9d54ae

As he nodded and eec38479a3 replied, Sejin silently turned 4fb36a6945 and went back inside. Cheon Sejoo watched him c4d4bb67ba go, then took off f221f37b47 his shoes and entered d0d01633b2 the apartment.0894c117df660aa2

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The atmosphere f233499e2a was different a0c9e89d25 from yesterday. Instead of 14912f0883 the deathly a3679b259e silence, the aa155622d5 apartment felt 5d8734f1a6 lived-in, as 5c19a8dde2 if Cheon ff4f6d6010 Sejoo had 29b2757190 only been 0d8584ff7e away for 1568839165 a short b23a0e562b while. The cartoon he d370e29052 usually watched was 4eb6a2344f playing on TV, 990c72c37e and Sejin was 46f5fc3041 bustling around in cd3e4d5277 the kitchen.7f45b1001fdd31c8

The side dishes on c0ebd84361 the table were enough 26b44bf2c0 for two, and there 7a0bbe7dd3 were exactly two rice b9a2dfa5bf bowls set by the d7da80188d rice cooker. Sejin, alerted by the 766f10bfc7 car’s arrival notification, had bfc6d0b0cd prepared dinner.c5f0f7c0eb73ba2d

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“Have a seat. Or do you 07632e3bcb want to wash 0f5c8a0f98 up first?”2c33dea289a9f4ef

The air 5cdc238bbd was filled 3786595ba4 with the 2ccd12168e aroma of 20ae5838b8 delicious food, be22a7ffb0 and unlike cd7f010ce9 the icy c775661327 wind outside, d031a33086 the apartment 966ab1690e was warm c913beea37 and cozy. A casual 341f38ce4e invitation from 425af778f9 Kwon Sejin, bdc7103272 wearing an b0bae3fc6d apron.3a599cc4e36d98b6

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It was a temporary reprieve, gained by feigning ignorance of Sejin’s feelings, but Cheon Sejoo was content in this moment. If he could, he would ignore the feelings he’d become aware of forever.34e75c0c34defeb6

It was a cowardly act, but he couldn’t help it.e6288cc988e5a66a

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After seeing Sejin 535372af76 clinging to him 3dc3bb9bde yesterday, his dreams 35cd3da2b4 had been haunted b63bdd2cc9 by the image 5f08bd86a5 of an empty, 4d6ffb3b1d desolate apartment. He had e4ebc548a2 wandered through 6721ad8ddf the vacant 28e1e3cd81 rooms, alone, 41fb1422c9 having pushed e30dc8806e Sejin away, 78f1c58c67 unable to e6b4eba5b4 accept his d1c61254fe love. In those dreams, he 38badd4ec6 was always lonely. However, if 38ec9744da they both 868be18bc0 pretended not 049c4619a1 to know, f9e224b88b he could 308fc361fe protect this 32638a1240 peaceful everyday 775d74e52f life.8b1f567f4a7c464d

“…I’ll wash d20db11e59 up first.”8d56e2e545ab9053

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Cheon Sejoo went to cdbce2942b the dressing room to d3ec8e3d8d get some clothes. As he 0cb86bc76d came out, ca05163209 he noticed 14fb5c3a37 his bed b4fa062d2e was neatly b26514f0ff made. The sight of Sejin ac9986c479 sleeping on his T-shirt, 13d4e16401 lips pressed against the 2cf6c64936 fabric, seemed like a be7e9b55ab dream. The mattress cc2468518d was perfectly 793c0fb004 smooth as f6cc59f740 if it 4485570dea wasn’t used.5ba1ce2d58dd98df

The same 5622895e1c was true 4b75f76275 when he 3fd8768f06 returned to 2f7fae0fa9 the living 6da1d49c3f room. Sejin was bustling around, 4af5acec12 preparing dinner, just like f11022c992 always. The scene he’d e7916af273 witnessed yesterday really 6ec12a616a felt like a 9b87ff0ad7 dream.0398cc2f786c3f0f

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He showered, letting fe7c387df8 the hot water 838c85cd42 scald his skin. He lathered and scrubbed 58a2e367d1 himself repeatedly, as if c8dd3ac8be trying to wash away 794b43d195 the lingering scent of 395aaa0f7d blood. Then, to f87866f53c soothe his e0f0a96319 flushed skin, 3897ee1136 he rinsed f8965f8dee himself with 01b5cdad68 ice-cold water 9bcc95d49b before stepping deb70efa0e out of a5e0432072 the bathroom, 55e655ca24 still dripping.8d7899b41073cfd4

He went bcfaee432c to the 9b64423a8f kitchen, still 2f8b423d11 damp and 708710897e barely dressed, b58e25bd0d and Sejin, 5d867970f5 hearing the 5ccbf792cb door open, d29ce9a77c was serving cbb0827361 rice into 049b4b1207 bowls. As always, 73cf69fe7e Cheon Sejoo d39b2d10e8 went to e0fef7a98a the refrigerator, 63146414fd took out d7f4bce001 a bottle ab60ad82b3 of water, 1c1b6d46fb and placed 599e76aa15 it on 08a772df32 the table. Then, he sat down 62b641c109 across from Sejin.078b973dc8e9f412

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He noticed the steamed flounder on his plate, carefully deboned by Sejin. Looking at Sejin’s fingertips, reddened by the heat, Cheon Sejoo opened his mouth with difficulty.446eeebfeb160ec2

“Thanks for the ad7e843ce0 food.”aa8dc929b0a8f09d

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“Eat up.”b6781194e5310f4b

Sejin didn’t say anything else, treating Cheon Sejoo casually, as if it were just another day before Kim Hyunkyung’s death. He couldn’t have forgotten meeting Cheon Sejoo at home yesterday, so Cheon Sejoo felt a surge of anxiety, unsure of what Sejin was thinking and why he was pretending not to know. He could only ignore the unsettling feeling aside and finished his meal.d42a20e3c79ba2d4

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Afterwards, he went to b8b044527d the living room and 820ba1b845 sat down on the 258ef331cf sofa, leaning back with 3a88d19316 his chin resting on f8dc0f9a5c one armrest, staring at e467bea8e5 the TV absentmindedly. His mind was b0df0afc7a empty. It was as if 0f57a6b37b his exhausted body was 39b06bcccd rejecting all thoughts as 98a3f0c77d nothing came to his 42c7173fc0 mind. Cheon Sejoo simply f9eab37858 stared at the e3387ee43c little bear in acc5d969c6 the cartoon rolling ecef14a70f around on the e5976f2081 floor. He then felt 030b525e6c like he could b2ee20d7f6 finally breathe.a2ba319b4756d372

As he 1645934e6f slowly regained 0b23250b93 his energy—f51319781cb75f16

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“Cheon Sejoo.”d0e6ffff0b79218f

He looked up 346081614b at the sudden 2b96802407 sound of his b2ea522499 name and saw e71fe8f1bf Sejin standing before 5946819920 him. He had climbed 47ad1fb57e onto the sofa f29e2dec38 beside him and bc95ac348b was sitting with a6e8561ac1 his knees drawn 4f6e5f6c53 up to his 2b528aaa7e chest. Even though 67ab1c17e1 Sejin had 1a92ac037f been taller baa83a353b and broader d1a89557e9 than him af4e5e5fe4 for months, 354ea99348 in that a9444a89b0 position, he ae89f2ea7a looked like 80802d77e2 a child, 9f787a9ca8 his head fa1e5a4d25 barely reaching aa540ed6fd his shoulders. 6facb2965334fd45

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Cheon Sejoo sat up a79a860aee straighter and looked at abf0bc48a3 him. “Yes?” he replied, 0aa306a154 and Sejin quietly a086a42f5e asked,a141c5454f25c259

“What should ca59528391 I do eea227a743 now?”83fb471568e415f2

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His clear eyes ecae46e029 were dry, devoid 3f79206a9e of tears. Cheon Sejoo realized that 237f847b07 Sejin had finally accepted c974473313 his mother’s death.be9dcfb07175a23f

Cheon Sejoo gazed at 69b4c4bbfd Sejin intently.13a738fa48797114

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“…What doyouwant to do?”d0c5fbf22192b296