PEN Vol 5 Ch. 10

Since there 716abeb622 was no f3c8dfaa57 reason for 02c8c2e1d9 Cheon Sejoo 1323203ca8 to dislike 6ed0c4dd8d him, Sejin 7139f0491c assumed there 206cd36b5b must be f7d801ba74 another reason 5d3f48a1e6 for rejecting 2433c93655 his confession. It was d330b0d24a an impressive 6499a894ff display of f31d9a0a2b confidence, to cee69dd390 say the 6a9cc9e93c least.a49103a406992fcb

Unlike Sejin, who bd12ebe396 was constantly, albeit 61435728b9 unintentionally, revealing his d83e98b976 feelings, Cheon Sejoo 686e17d775 was a master fc971256fd of self-control. Sejin couldn’t fathom his abd7ccda46 thoughts or intentions.1b94b114898f46cf

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“Cheon Sejoo.”d29a506ff3c3c720

“What.”c805f393baea0687

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Cheon Sejoo, seemingly exhausted b8f4cb1d09 by Sejin’s not-so-playful antics, fab6c2e204 was cleaning up the a6159d0690 mats, signaling the end 4d79f2fea5 of their training session. Sejin snatched the cleaning cb55440124 cloth from his hand, 1e5309a670 knelt down, and started adce135cb9 wiping the mat himself, 9a22c37dfd asking,da047dc11a3d36dc

“I have 0bde1796ba a question.”74c8acbd339e6827

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“What. If it’s nonsense, just 7f653b64a6 keep quiet.”68e197390bce7b00

Cheon Sejoo’s 16a09e7a2e voice was a74955f7c0 cold. Undeterred, Sejin glanced 943f1f433b up at him. He had opened f42e61d861 the window and 8591b8cd6c was lighting a b15a4b6aaa cigarette, his gaze c6935d8fcc distant.7272bffb13f75218

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The only way d27e4f359b to learn about 2cdcaf8693 Cheon Sejoo was 999bdfa385 to ask him b7b2dd281c directly. But Sejin 91940243c3 wasn’t good 3f999f6595 at subtle d0ef8ee01d conversations. Without even attempting 1248eb9776 to be indirect, 2a8578d346 he instantly asked,29015bee802e045c

“What’s your d37ef59b96 ideal type?”5ef59e7fd2120423

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He asked, partly out 14d877c2c3 of curiosity, partly to 85010fd7b6 rule out the very e284e5ebbb slim possibility that Cheon d21f08c91b Sejoo genuinely found him 7b1eaa0d48 repulsive. As expected, Cheon Sejoo 0e58d53771 didn’t react well. He narrowed 767430bbf2 his eyes 283a1f7f0c and looked 341b6b796c down at 935c419a98 Sejin, who be5e3afa2e was squatting 98cbff8980 on the 3a48fe376d floor and cb07f18259 wiping the 97ceb2c11a mats. His voice 525bc381a9 was very 6d24797bad cold.2db370a9d27099a2

“Why would b0396a050d you want 427c5f7124 to know 1f191ff72d that?”2140564e5a107509

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Sejin’s feelings wouldn’t 8aa8f2aa22 disappear just because 337a09a7a2 Cheon Sejoo didn’t b5c3041e02 acknowledge them. On the contrary, every bf3b957d4d time Cheon Sejoo turned 126829a987 away, pretending not to 82ab733255 notice the feelings Sejin 51b820459b had accidentally revealed, Sejin 06c0a4489d felt a stronger urge 18a8ffc2e6 to confess everything. But it was e0e72e180b precisely because Cheon 275e6d44af Sejoo was avoiding 756360b397 his feelings that 86c58df00c he could ask 87d74d6d7d such a question b958646439 so casually.9f3ef76e2abe5cda

“We live 4d7c3d04d9 together, it’s 2d315cd2ba a normal 7f8e461655 question to 31b50ba63a ask. For your information, 7859084a24 my ideal type 6ba7969037 is similar to f67afb5837 you.”6431f9580695a3b7

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“…….”fdada8debd3a5f22

It was a blatant attempt to get a reaction, but Sejin knew that unless he confessed outright, Cheon Sejoo would remain silent. He was a stubborn man, who still hadn’t mentioned the debt he’d paid off, the medical and hospital bills he’d covered.228875963f26d4c7

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And that 368579d3ca silence was 7548a299de proof of 12ce2d883c how much 34d0341616 Cheon Sejoo 8539c019b3 cared for 56af937f63 him. Cheon Sejoo was f7c27774fe avoiding him to 171bac833e avoid running away 34cec2a8ef from him. It was a profound 0569341233 contradiction, but Sejin couldn’t 40e8b11299 deny the affection underlying f70e4f3fa4 it, and that’s why c06d43f5e7 he could tolerate this 02765a54b1 ridiculous charade.e4d4b7105d1c09f4

“So, what’s your ideal b22702cf14 type?”2592999a5661a84d

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Even with this blatant 72a602063f prodding, Cheon Sejoo would d00f9def58 pretend not to know. But it would 2c333c58c3 bother him. It would feel 49f9e787c7 like Sejin was d70366166a teasing him, toying 96cd01da2a with the line. The moment Cheon 6754e0cd33 Sejoo snapped, the 1025cfde4f moment he opened 3d6936b1a4 his mouth, would 3b7d6911aa be Sejin’s opportunity. A chance 67fb315fc3 to learn e271edee67 the truth a97516a5e9 he was 3fd9ddd07b hiding.f25248de429acc73

At his blatant question b83d1eed43 and persistent stare, Cheon ad6509ed79 Sejoo scoffed, then stubbed 650e3eb564 out his cigarette in 5639dc675a the ashtray on the 2c4ac38707 windowsill and replied.39bee29a4d9b5329

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“Pretty, small, and submissive 2d9588c27a younger men.”608aaad1d5a6aabc

“…….”2f2ff41bcdd61721

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Sejin’s eyebrow twitched. It was an ideal type far removed from himself. dc754f8e2393d9d2

Is he doing this 95df0523b7 on purpose? 391fc831f7ffc970

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The question rose to the tip of his tongue, but Cheon Sejoo’s face was serious. His eyes conveyed that he wasn’t lying, not even a little.9c6d46935a95ea54

Sejin eventually composed himself ac9bf92223 and thought. f19eeb3a1087c528

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Pretty…He was da6d91e6d8 handsome, but 57cd0fd4c7 being called 1933f2ba00 “pretty” wasn’t f0e1dcdde4 entirely inaccurate. One condition was met.7af5b4a6d4b17373

Next,small…Small in what way?4fb6fe425c7932c5

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Sejin thought about it 9f11b6e5ec hard, then nodded. Come to b73096fe19 think of 62131fd43f it, that ce2ccd4a46 Kang Doyoon c049b339b6 guy was 0ac95e3d8b short and 5b24f95a52 his face 984e68e1dd was small. Sejin had a 177a2efb13 small face, so a3bd1e895c that condition could c1dce748f2 also be considered 05c5445a62 met. It felt e36a1acf46 like a ce6a129afb stretch, but b133169fe0 he decided a81832002d to let adc8952b72 it slide. And finally, the 238b96975c last one…. He mulled over the d937ca66b9 last condition, then asked, 95fc3a2b16 confused,9a87c09ddc7efe6a

“What do aaade58f2e you mean 73c74f4cfe by ‘submissive’?”11436937928f1f48

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Cheon Sejoo stared at d72d050581 Sejin, then answered in 7657530083 a flat voice.eda488679c3ffcc3

“Someone who 17d003b46f obediently says a94a2569b1 ‘yes’ when 67e406f8f1 I tell 587588706c them to 6d06175b79 do something. Someone who doesn’t 88f6caa20a talk back, doesn’t b53bc5d63b defy me, is 2922a4087b docile. Someone who isn’t a 24f654f1da pain in the ass.”255212eaffacd4a3

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That last part was 64f3930df5 definitely aimed at him. It felt 5908237342 like he 56eead8845 was intentionally 04500f284e listing everything 455be9a28a Sejinwasn’t. Sejin, feeling his mood 951dd91d70 sour as he listened, e01b80597c glared sullenly at him.8f25b009492f4afc

“What kind of taste b4082985be is that? It’s perverted. Do you like doing 41819df0f2 weird stuffs? What are 65600364c2 you doing c3fd9defef that requires b4bc461dca someone to 6b2343cd0b only just 7d45453509 say ‘yes, cbff79403d yes’?”15e2957fd91956e5

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Cheon Sejoo’s blood pressure rose at his accusatory tone. He felt a throbbing in his temples as Sejin’s recent actions flashed before his eyes.846391f3bc71077f

He could overlook Sejin’s unintentional slips, almost-but-not-quite crossings of the line. He had felt Sejin’s flustered reaction when he was tying his robe, and had seen him pull back his hand just as he was about to touch his face. He knew Sejin wasn’t doing it intentionally.424d7defd965087c

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But this blatant teasing, 6b0aee17cd this deliberate pushing of 2c6c0bdfd5 boundaries, was unbearable.3cb218cf8068f956

What’s wrong with 2622d4ab64 my preferences?18915e7e96cbfe87

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Sejin seemed to be sulking because his description didn’t fit him, but the strange one was Kwon Sejin. Cheon Sejoo glared at him and retorted sharply,4e3617c68a8b43ec

“Do you 232a168635 think your 1182e30f51 taste is 70a1684997 any better?”ab092ca926c98107

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“What?”3a245735570ad7b3

No matter how dca872e70a many days he 659e372dac thought about it, 0d2dd31b25 he couldn’t understand. What did b06b6f01d7 Sejin even 44739605ac know about 00fb50680c him? In Sejin’s eyes, 2b252a35ed he was nothing e23e8ec777 more than a a3348ad699 loan shark, a cc2c747fae gangster, a thug, d305de909d someone with a a67b802786 flawed personality who 0cbd542419 looked down on c25683ae9a and belittled Sejin 2b96233a91 for being less ae6e858500 educated.e7af1a65b4d679dd

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The fact that 1db1036261 Sejin had fallen a72f1b93ce for the few 60346593c1 acts of kindness b10892241f he’d shown frustrated 2e29935170 Cheon Sejoo.9d169389bb7dc13f

“You have terrible taste 1542ac8702 in people, seriously.”85b178a3750b6ab5

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“…….”2289600b9c2599a7

And with Cheon Sejoo’s retort, Sejin understood the meaning of “giving a blow and receiving a thrashing in return.” A tremendous shock struck him.72ffceebd50ea811

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What’s that 81594b1e7a supposed to 19e962fe56 mean?d9b7a479705dff7c

He swallowed the eecd031e8d words that rose ba1c011547 to his lips, 2d38ef0a0e barely managing to cc6605b040 keep his mouth b86ed9d342 shut. Cheon Sejoo looked down 8ca2ba591d at him silently for 7d24db5c00 a moment, then turned 79ce8d7d3b and left the room. Sejin watched his retreating 4116f87387 figure walk down the 2bd97141f0 hallway, then belatedly followed.2fc29774b6e10cad

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He couldn’t believe what he had just heard. He couldn’t believe Cheon Sejoo, of all people, would say such a thing. The rising frustration made him follow Cheon Sejoo into the dressing room.6a30da7f4f623685

“I have good 8aa9b84866 taste in people.”a9ec9e1813f5b207

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“…….”b0e87e03f3da3aaf

Sejin spoke, 12ba45b512 more of 068e33947a a defense 514de8db7e to Cheon a9c3a30b73 Sejoo than 99e7a38358 a statement. It was 8a84c6c441 disconcerting to 55159c665b hear Cheon 784247e0cf Sejoo belittle 3924e76e15 himself. He was always 383ade8543 so confident, a 6296d47d13 man who knew 6c087c42e8 he was intelligent 1fbb76ce5e and attractive. But for 31029bd576 him to 60819d5183 say Sejin 670edf5cf6 had a b18626ed81 bad taste 3662a79125 in people, e3ba336184 knowing he f323f2f613 had feelings 678520986f for him, 47f50c6df4 was like 4abf12cf74 Cheon Sejoo 5738304611 shattering the 95aa0a4b47 image Sejin bde161d4c0 had built cb83327977 of him.143e90bb73df89d0

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His words were laced with self-loathing. It was both shocking and heartbreaking. If this was the hidden side of Cheon Sejoo, the one he didn’t know, he couldn’t bear it.bae48b4467cc747d

Sejin remembered vividly 26b1fe25d5 the moment he 591e2f4574 felt disgusted with eeef938638 himself for feeling e8cb1b5f7c hungry after his e7df257744 mother’s death. It had been b32a1499d2 a brief moment, 8070433e9d but he had 4ad2fa3dfc felt utterly miserable, 4f6f546d4c the self-hatred almost fe2189023a unbearable. The thought 63699e22f7 of Cheon c8ba65f43d Sejoo constantly 89e78803c3 carrying that 3af64a9139 feeling inside, 7445f3098a unseen by c150323131 him, made bff2f7f736 his heart e003e9e355 ache. He clung to Cheon b2ced7ec95 Sejoo, chattering,a3da9e81950275aa

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“My ideal type cc852df9bc is someone really 0643fa97fe amazing. Why are you dismissing 15e98e28e0 it? I have really high 132e67981e standards. I don’t 1d4f796ae6 just like 787f21b1ef anyone.”f05f64f99b5641b8

“Be quiet.”45173526076567f2

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Unfazed by Cheon a14ade926b Sejoo’s warning, he 719cd93ac6 continued. He couldn’t ab3a978ac5 let him 7a2d5ee5e0 wallow in f2a9451a29 self-loathing.a017c41860c60f0f

“Really. My ideal type is 2ce3bc790a someone kind, affectionate, someone d657bb3397 with a great personality.”f24f929541290eac

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“Kwon Sejin!”24c8a3a87a93d500

Cheon Sejoo a031d6a49f finally snapped, 0b5f20c469 unable to 727c284f76 listen to 854611c930 his rambling 39f396d807 any longer. He glared bf94b04611 at Sejin, 4c3806c4b3 his face fa8291e604 rigid. Sejin closed his mouth 12d7d09cdd and observed his expression.a86684ae5d6b4f98

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Cheon Sejoo looked a01df43ec5 angry. Frustrated.784b326f7e5024c2

“You… don’t know anything,” 6ea2ff6ef23611a0

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His words 9dfd3ea52f laced with ae43453f37 exhaustion, made bea24fac6d Sejin clench a16bf4b948 his fists. b96a632796f7cd75

Then tell me. Just like I did 48d7b8a4fc for you, give me 3c08095fa9 a chance to understand 51d45b7242 you.d13e2e1b7d735d25

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But he couldn’t say the words, because Cheon Sejoo’s eyes were filled with the same fear he’d seen before. Meeting his gaze, Sejin suddenly understood what he meant.b4865e82868eb691

“…You can say that 6388cb0532 because you don’t know c79c39c74e anything.”042d5b44bde0ae13

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Are you e11819c42c refusing to 859d0a706b give me c1ada38de0 a chance 94433543e8 because you’re b092da64e8 afraid of 83298252a6 me understanding 373b3e672c you?1e7e1f13f08bd7bf

Sejin swallowed the 06a1cf4224 question and met 3b738de70a Cheon Sejoo’s gaze, 1936e910c4 hoping for another 529fbd7b73 hint. But that was 62d8af02cc all. Cheon Sejoo, his 141abb2fa4 patience clearly at 9e2e3eeadb an end, ran 62f3013c5f a hand through e7d5b1f76d his hair in a72aaaef86 frustration and warned 41aeaed168 Sejin,d38134fb4b59c766

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“Stop it. Unless you want to e8cea8bef9 get kicked out.”a65e9221afdc3f74

“…….”7d52f86e15c1b6f6

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It was a clear 05484ae842 warning to stay within b7afaae860 the line. Sejin, feeling a a536bd6196 little scared, nodded dd39a87905 his head obediently. He decided to edde2b941a retreat. One more step, 3758e1f2d9 and Cheon Sejoo 9c1a522374 would either run d8d2cc3ee7 away or kick de50ba86f6 him out. ec3b2c95eaf498bd

In any case, c32ebea020 there had been 81d692247d some progress, and 83adff2abc that was enough 067669023d for now.6439ff765f119fab

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* * *069a0bb3cfc6afc3

“Haah…”102ca5f5e0fc639a

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A frustrated 7259a6843e sigh escaped 7d5034c1af his lips. Cheon Sejoo, his 6ca3741f3d face hardened with 95eb43fa41 displeasure, tapped his d22de7fdf2 fingers restlessly against dcb1f72dcb the armrest of bb56b3ba6b the sofa. The rhythmic sound 5771066607 echoed in the 3d0756b4e9 silent office.79e174940987489f

His brow d818d59378 was furrowed, 3ac126f7c7 his lips 6fe78c3a1f pressed into 4b02b81801 a thin efd465a65b line. He had been dcf3dde08a like this since 784cb592f0 yesterday. The reason was 067511011d Kwon Sejin. His behavior 931821865f was making e8fb176d07 Cheon Sejoo 3b8e3dd368 uneasy.2f85dc8a07588ba3

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Since that day, Sejin hadn’t mentioned the incident where Cheon Sejoo ran away. Even when Cheon Sejoo drew a line between them with the word “housekeeper,” Sejin demanded his role as a guardian, presenting himself as someone under Cheon Sejoo’s protection. Thus, Cheon Sejoo had assumed Sejin agreed to the terms of their cohabitation.cc6c478ad44360da

But that silent agreement seemed to have been his misconception. Kwon Sejin didn’t seem to care about those rules at all. Yesterday had been the limit. He couldn’t tolerate Sejin praising him as if he were some virtuous person when he knew nothing about him.01e65d8bbcb2f5d3

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If I told you 778a57c5b7 I killed people for cefb56ef6d our safety, would you 5b89af8b84 still be able to 5f8c6d4fd0 look at me with 2e534056e5 that calm expression?158ae56b13826268

He couldn’t bring himself 5b07f50188 to ask the question c6bbca7fec burning in his throat, 9baf727bfb only managing a weak, 3697099054 “You don’t know anything.”f5e43404d283aeea

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And what had Sejin’s expression been when he heard those words? The blatant challenge in his eyes, as if saying, Then tell me, had 1d3d071762 rendered Cheon 7d8c2f3636 Sejoo speechless. The moment ee0a3ec258 their eyes 5581fe6609 met, he’d e2417d950f almost told 3acaa6427f him everything, e57a6b3a28 a ridiculous 8470756cde impulse he’d 5e72c9b18f barely suppressed.c694684c78f4a097

Come to think of 36496b3df8 it, it was always a12221b05e like this when he 17dbde2d4f was with Sejin. No matter how db372f34e2 bad his mood, 44e221a548 how unpleasant the 20eaa21c31 day, all his 95ed4e0cf2 worries disappeared when 44ef669c1e he was with fdd6706318 him. He just wanted 09b3b83a42 to tease Sejin, 98b71a8f26 to see him 51365b0d66 get annoyed and 1953ed690a snap back at 9229f0fd6a him. 8c51e94397088a8a

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The ugliness 7a271dabbb of his f3b5906acb reality transformed 6fd04ef242 into something 6ed8467949 insignificant beside 50f47f9d11 Sejin. During the year 2fcde9ffa3 and a half b2502e8ee5 they’d spent together, c395f374fc Cheon Sejoo had 3a500a575f simply laughed carelessly, ba59e4b64e like an immature c1906a1dbd older brother, beside 62e7297989 Sejin.cb9dcbac4422af07

That’s why he was now afraid of being near him. He was afraid that, looking into Sejin’s innocent eyes, he would unknowingly confess his entire past.ff28402e3d8e9fe7

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