PEN Vol 4 Ch. 6

After hiring a caregiver, Sejin went to school in Gangdong-gu with Cheon Sejoo in the mornings for a few days and stopped by the hospital before going home. This was because Sejin, still uneasy, was greatly worried despite the caregiver’s presence.

However, after talking to the friendly and energetic caregiver a few times and learning that she was getting along with his mother like a friend, Sejin felt less worried. Three days after leaving the hospital, he decided to visit only on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and weekends.

Thus arrived the first weekend in a long time that the two of them were spending together since Kim Hyunkyung collapsed. Because Sejin had been staying at the hospital for several weeks, the smell of food wafting from the kitchen in the late afternoon felt a little unfamiliar to Cheon Sejoo.

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He had trouble getting out of bed due to his poor condition. Lying in bed, Cheon Sejoo opened and closed his trembling hands, trying to guess what kind of side dishes Sejin was making in the kitchen. The smell of sesame oil was savory. 

Did he make seasoned vegetables? 

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Thinking this, he opened the door and went out, and Sejin, sensing his presence, looked back at him.

“Wash up and eat.”

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Sejin, wearing an apron, said to him as he stirred the pan with chopsticks. It was past noon, but Cheon Sejoo, still half-asleep, just stood in the living room, staring at Sejin in the distance. The back of the apron, which used to fit his small frame perfectly, was gaping open. It looked as if Sejin was bursting out of the apron, having grown too big for the Velcro to fasten. 

Cheon Sejoo chuckled to himself at the sight, then finally moved his feet when he met Sejin’s gaze, which seemed to be asking why he hadn’t washed up yet. After washing up quickly in the bathroom, he came out to find Sejin setting the table, perfectly timed.

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Cheon Sejoo took two bottles of water from the refrigerator, placed them on the table, and sat across from Sejin. He usually had a shake for breakfast on weekdays to keep himself light, but on weekends, he would wake up late and have lunch. Thanks to this, Sejin put more effort into preparing weekend lunches, so the table was unusually abundant.

It was full of dishes; large-cut braised potatoes and radish salad that Cheon Sejoo liked, seasoned seaweed, and gongchae¹ which Sejin liked. These were all the dishes that Sejin had diligently prepared early in the morning. Cheon Sejoo drank about half a bottle of water and then picked up his chopsticks.

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“Thanks for the food.”

“Yeah.”

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Sejin glanced at Cheon Sejoo and lifted his spoon. He scooped a large mouthful of rice, put it in his mouth, and then grabbed a handful of side dishes, chewing heartily. His actions made it look like he was attacking the food, but because he ate without making any noise, it was pleasant to watch. Seeing his white cheeks puff out and then sink back in, Cheon Sejoo slowly chewed his food.

By the time Sejin had finished his second bowl of rice and was about to fill a third, Cheon Sejoo had barely finished half of his bowl and put down his chopsticks. Resting his chin on the table and drinking water, he stared blankly at Sejin, who still seemed hungry despite having eaten two bowls of rice. After a moment, he spoke.

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“We need to buy you a new apron. That one looks too small.”

“Why buy a new one when this one is perfectly fine? It’s not uncomfortable. I can still use it.”

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“Should I get you one with lace? I think it would suit you.”

“…….”

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At his playful tone, Sejin stopped eating and glared at him. Sensing the cat-like sharpness in his eyes, Cheon Sejoo simply smiled at him. Sejin didn’t respond.

“Stop talking nonsense and eat your food.”

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Sejin was, in many ways, more old-fashioned than Cheon Sejoo. He disliked talking during meals and hated pointless banter. In some ways, it seemed like he lacked social skills because he didn’t have any friends… 

Or was it the other way around? Did he not have friends because he lacked social skills?

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As Cheon Sejoo stared blankly at him, analyzing the reasons why Sejin didn’t have any friends, Sejin suddenly blushed and raised his head.

“Stop staring. Are you trying to give me indigestion²?” 

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“I’m looking because you’re in front of me. Why are you so conscious of it? Just eat.”

“Then go away. I don’t know where the food is going because of you.” 

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“You can say things like that too?”

I don’t know where the food is going. 

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Wasn’t that a proverb-based comment in its own way? Feeling proud of Sejin, Cheon Sejoo reached out and stroked his hair. Sejin, forgetting his annoyance, lowered his eyes and let him stroke his hair. Then, when Cheon Sejoo lowered his hand, he gestured towards the sofa with his chin.

“Go over there.”

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Finally kicked out, Cheon Sejoo got up from his seat. He went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and then lay down on the sofa, picking up his phone. He stared blankly at the date.

September 14th, the day before Hye-in’s death anniversary. Remembering this, he felt nauseous and a headache came on. Cheon Sejoo pressed his forehead with his slightly trembling fingertips and turned toward the TV.

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Hye-in had been dead for a while, but he had never once held a memorial service or a prayer for her. It wasn’t because she had broken Catholic doctrine by taking her own life. The reason he hadn’t prayed, even though he could have, was his own guilt.

Living the kind of life Hye-in would have least wanted, he couldn’t bring himself to be so brazen as to pray for her.

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Thus, Cheon Sejoo chose to let her death anniversary pass unmarked, but it wasn’t easy. He usually drank alcohol or met with Doyoon to get through this period. He had done so last year, the year before, and planned to do the same this year.

Kang Doyoon
I’m at noona’s house right now, going home this evening! Wanna come over? XD
12:59

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Meeting Doyoon in the evening and spending time with him until Monday morning seemed like a good plan. Cheon Sejoo texted him back, suggesting they meet at a hotel, and casually set his phone down.

Looking up, he saw Sejin clearing the table after finishing his meal. Cheon Sejoo watched him wring out the dishcloth and hang it before rising from his seat.

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“Going straight to the hospital?”

“No, Mom said she’s hanging out with the ladies in the lounge, she’ll be back later for dinner.”

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“Okay. Then let’s work out in an hour.”

“Work out?”

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Sejin subtly furrowed his brow at Cheon Sejoo’s words. They had exercised quite a bit in July. Their training sessions, dubbed “self-defense lessons,” were practically wrestling matches from Sejin’s perspective, but Cheon Sejoo was surprisingly serious about teaching him.

Sejin had learned how to break free from someone grabbing his collar, and how to take a hit without getting seriously hurt and then subdue his opponent, preventing it from becoming a one-sided beating.

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At first, he’d been resistant, getting beaten up by Cheon Sejoo and wondering what use any of this would be. However, after he began to grasp the techniques of dealing with violence, Sejin started enjoying their sessions. The problem was the excessive physical contact with Cheon Sejoo during these sessions, and Sejin’s inability to react indifferently to it.

“Yes. We have to. You’ll forget it quickly otherwise.”

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Seeing Sejin hesitate, Cheon Sejoo spoke in a firm tone and turned away. 

Watching Sejoo lie back down on the sofa, Sejin couldn’t bring himself to refuse. Just as he didn’t want Cheon Sejoo to discover his physical reactions, he also longed to touch him. 

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Sejin quickly finished cleaning the kitchen and returned to his room. He needed to digest his food before exercising, and also….

“Ha….”

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Closing his eyes tightly, Sejin leaned his head against the door and sighed.

His mother had told him that a man should be modest and kind. Fortunately, Sejin was a very modest man. He had never held another woman or man’s hand, and he rarely spoke properly with others. His extremely low sociability wasn’t something to boast about, but at least he met that requirement. Sejin tried to think positively.

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However, while Sejin’s mind might be modest, his body was rather full of energy. What would Cheon Sejoo think of him if he got an erection during their sacred workout time?

Not wanting to be seen as a pervert, Sejin rushed to the bathroom, determined not to let Cheon Sejoo see him in that state. He closed the shower door so the inside wouldn’t be visible even if the door was open, and turned on the hot water to obscure his vision before releasing all the pent-up energy within his body.

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By the time he was done, the hour Cheon Sejoo had mentioned was almost up. Sejin washed himself thoroughly, making sure he didn’t smell and stepped out. He stood in front of the mirror, patted his flushed cheeks a few times, then put on a short-sleeved t-shirt and long training pants before leaving his room.

“What, did you take an hour-long shower?”

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“…….”

When he entered the matted room, Cheon Sejoo was stretching while enjoying the air conditioning. Sejin’s eyes were drawn to his exposed lower abdomen.

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“Why… why are you undressed?”

He was only wearing a pants, revealing his toned physique. At Sejin’s flustered question, Cheon Sejoo glanced down at his upper body and shrugged.

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“I was working out in the next room and got sweaty. Too lazy to change.”

It took less than a minute to get from the exercise room to Cheon Sejoo’s room. Changing his clothes and returning would have taken only two minutes, and the fact that he was too lazy to do so irritated Sejin.

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And the fact that Cheon Sejoo, who liked men, acted so carelessly in front of him felt like a clear indication that he didn’t see Sejin as a potential romantic partner at all. Resentment welled up inside Sejin. Puffing out his cheeks with a displeased expression, Sejin asked,

“If you’re too lazy for that, how do you even eat and breathe?”

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“You’ve got a point. Should I order an oxygen tank?”

“…….”

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Annoyed by his nonchalant reply, Sejin sighed and raised his arms. Swoosh, he threw the t-shirt he was wearing at Cheon Sejoo. Cheon Sejoo caught the shirt in mid-air and frowned, his face asking ‘What am I supposed to do with this?’

“Put that on.”

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“Are you… feeling a little confident?”

Cheon Sejoo chuckled in disbelief, his eyes scanning Sejin’s body up and down. The blatant gaze made Sejin felt like a fire was igniting within him. Deciding that three times wouldn’t be enough, Sejin blushed and turned his head away. He responded in a blunt tone.

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“I don’t want to see another person’s body.”

“You’re a germaphobe.” 

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“If you know, then put it on.”

He had just blurted out whatever came to mind, but fortunately, the excuse seemed to work. It was thanks to the numerous times he had nagged Cheon Sejoo about covering up, saying his exposed body was an eyesore or telling him to wear clothes.

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Sejin stared at Cheon Sejoo, the t-shirt fitting him perfectly, with trembling eyes, then turned and ran back to his room. He grabbed a new t-shirt, put it on, and returned to the matted room. 

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