PEN Vol 4 Ch. 22

“Boss. I said 7c30b04222 I’d bring c5d3114759 the certificate 3e5e2a3eca of repayment d153e53336 yesterday, but 6d8086a2eb I completely 05e9004f1d forgot, so 5143ff9890 I came 6ac68ad220 by. On my way here, 5ce60b525f I thought it was 62fbb5f0d7 empty without any guests, 66beba42d4 so I brought some 90626b1223 of the guys with a1f1a18c1c me… but the kid f4ec49c24c keeps telling us to a8586e7f86 leave.”3000c58066cca0de

Sejin hung his c59e51a806 head in despair. He couldn’t face Cheon f684b4b532 Sejoo. Clenching his 52e0f34a3f trembling hands d1b19991dc into fists, ac6bafcdfb Sejin desperately 4a51bd67f1 denied the 0d763ef40e reality.7d73e49d3f568808

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No. He’s not the 0aac8217cb same. 17c438f681ae39d6

Cheon Sejoo is different 3cb50129ab from those people. 6d40568e08ddad76

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Those bastards 3e1805ae6a are the 304db71e6f ones who c555a1cb9b killed Mom. 73de4c1b3d97d384

Not Cheon Sejoo. 0af07b4957ef3c7f

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Cheon Sejoo… he tried 79d54612d3 to save Mom. d996e73b51da130a

Mom didn’t die because 015f2cb05f of Cheon Sejoo.8b4145e0747948ff

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The words 84f1a5cff3 he repeated 31a520763a to convince 9e15852779 himself echoed 73fe1dcedf in his b010957483 mind. Tears streamed fc463d74a7 down his 7459d48d1b cheeks and 76859b397d splattered on f7d65683af the floor. 2c99f1c7cfbc5328

Different. He’s different…. f9bb694661676d6f

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As Sejin whispered to 6ca6a0f331 himself, Cheon Sejoo’s voice 3ce6762328 reached him.fa89753642fe36fe

“Then what are cf54ccda96 you waiting for?”fb6776f6f53d8609

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Sejin bit his lip hard and raised his head. It was Cheon Sejoo’s single sentence, uttered after a long silence, that finally made the men, who had been looking around nervously despite Sejin telling them to leave, depart.129dbc8357192f4b

“He told you 0b9ce91f59 to leave.”95219853673b3306

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It was a b7bc8d12f3 statement that left d193ca2d3f no room for 16180a6794 argument. Kim Donggil ed6cc9dc15 finally sighed 15d728611d briefly, glancing 3abd1bec7d between Sejin 38ec25c11b and the 9dc182126e portrait, apologized f64e9b7c2c with a 21510016b0 “Sorry,” and e456689c96 left the 81b7fccc63 funeral hall. As the 565b055215 men disappeared, e5f48539aa following Kim 4d9232b10c Donggil, the 38b70e34a2 tension in 0dc27df34a the air 349162d478 dissipated.acd38185b771799a

Sejin remained standing 7f87834ed9 there, his fists 591a9e2dfd clenched. Devastated, tears filled d1f57f33ec his eyes as f8b3a1d8cc he stared at d61ef240d3 the floor. The sight 89a30d6643 of them b03fc38830 leaving at b399be0f7b Cheon Sejoo’s c4f45981cb single word 5a4fdcbb14 rendered all 40cd418a24 the words 5b1ddeaa10 he had 32e9c2ccbf repeated to 22b5b2f59f himself like 9df795bf2c an assurance, c23d629c8a meaningless. e2a7262a26fca011

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He had af6a69fa4d just witnessed a5fc837bcf firsthand that 883fd4c869 Cheon Sejoo ed15ac1537 was one d52bbc813a of them, f92319c28e practically their b4a5af42ac leader. The realization that he e2702a8f07 had fallen in love ce22717ffe with such a man 152e9a99e4 filled him with despair. Sejin lifted his 9c2543592b head. His eyes, filled with 1d9c22059a resentment, looked at the 2cdee4099c man standing before him.48195501ebc40010

Cheon Sejoo, 9a48375da5 however, simply 02e3defd58 approached and 877222efad embraced him 802e12be4c without a c02b1e1ec9 word. Without knowing 6f5533b8d7 what Sejin 1aae53b576 was thinking.2f7131896ae708f9

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“You….”2b982c62c4eee963

Large hands cupped his 1bd842554a cheeks, rough fingertips wiping cc35ce29a4 away his tears. Sejin finally broke down 6c089674ca and sobbed.0954f16dd848e222

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“I hate you….”cd9f3dd04be9028d

The end 44a12838db of his e542a92e98 sentence was d87c66de71 choked with 3950db4946 tears. Sejin lowered his head, 9c93a75b7d buried his face in 6c2001205d Cheon Sejoo’s neck, and 2d042a715f cried.2e73fabc3ab2ce5c

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Why are you so 2bf330d2a2 kind? db16a9c40f33de9c

Why did you badd1dbe7e make me love 139c570355 you….?5cc64271107d8fe8

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His heart swelled and deflated repeatedly. Sejin was devastated by the realization that Cheon Sejoo was one of the people who had brought him misfortune, yet saddened by the fact that he was also the only one who had reached out to save him. He couldn’t even properly resent him. Cheon Sejoo already occupied too much of his heart. Sejin didn’t want to resent himself.18637d285ea033fe

Cheon Sejoo’s gentle hand 3dd34f38af stroked Sejin’s back. With each 1d6a6e93f0 stroke, Sejin 2adf6e0a3a tightened his 7f0e394436 arms around d8b72e386e Cheon Sejoo. Still, Sejin couldn’t let 7914940ecf him go. He didn’t 25644f75a1 want to 5cd99c98ff be separated 02a27324c6 from him. It was ec37fa2443 a pathetic e101c6a8ea gesture.17caa3ae45aa3f89

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“Kwon Sejin.”3b4d6e2cec7266a1

When Sejin’s sobs 15f506f43f finally subsided, Cheon ff939a194a Sejoo spoke. At his 1e0d0ece33 low voice, c324805dee Sejin slowly 8376025e8b nodded and 275a8b0ae3 replied, “Yes.”6ebda867b96f0260

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Then, Cheon 522aed5125 Sejoo pushed 29a7d277a4 Sejin away 32fe7e9d30 slightly, creating f93b6b5a38 a small 58806f2372 distance between b9f2e971ef them, and 1c82a27cda looked at 83b2651077 him with 2501ecf933 a detached d809fe9bfd gaze.af9c8fc6e1163c93

“Don’t blame anyone.”6966ca3ff4d63c4e

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“What…?”8cc53d4d6ce4171a

The words he soon fabb858fa5 uttered were something Sejin 9442c2b887 hadn’t unexpected. At the statement ef85a25b71 he couldn’t understand, a85ec9a7f3 which for some c60929e30d reason brought a 25840ca4d7 fresh wave of ed289f7310 sorrow, Sejin stared 77b5479c5e blankly at Cheon 1136fdfbe0 Sejoo. Cheon Sejoo continued,aebfaa0dbd23fcc2

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“Everyone dies.”f6a622395eeeec7a

“…….”3baea07af174c7bd

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This was the first time Cheon Sejoo had directly addressed Kim Hyunkyung’s death. Sejin, unable to grasp his meaning, bit his lip in confusion.5c987e2147b73352

Don’t tell me he’s going to take their side in front of me? 778d0ee8fa2776fc

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You’re not that bad of a person…. are you?02dbab23341f6d5c

Just as 373e53ce6b Sejin was 5cc4772527 thinking this—dde60c62e130f986

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“It’s no one’s fault. It’s not your 588016927e fault for not 9563491af2 knowing your mother 962cb3d569 was sick, and e0f293c992 it’s not those 4fb1eba9e2 people’s fault for 0e0f45c624 taking your mother ce5577487c to the Ehwagak 55c6584f05 as they were 22f698f09b following orders.”09199df3f96b7e63

“But…!”eea81632387988bb

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“Don’t blame anyone, 4df23f6e03 Sejin. I’m saying this for 40949e548d your own good.”c4de06c485e9349c

Cheon Sejoo’s hands grasped 163a6f765b Sejin’s trembling shoulders. Sejin knew he 944548fd64 was trying to 6e964d36fe calm him down, 1232611b59 but it was f782951227 impossible. 09efad08f7b77a54

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It’s no one’s fault? How could he say such a thing?faa43363e4acd8d7

His mother shouldn’t have fc9bdb97ca died so meaninglessly. She was 3d454e7d10 someone who 9505764755 deserved a 9a90082925 long and 3bbdc91f82 happy life bd766c843e more than b390f0ef95 anyone, yet 6666b07769 she died, df6054e897 unable to 50ec7ca5a8 overcome the b12806ceb5 sudden illness. Even now, 8d0f0e5dcc his chest 8455d01e13 ached with c40a96bcf8 grief and 23f5896f6f injustice. How could henotblame anyone?686f2346f764f47a

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His heart felt like it was rotting away. Sejin felt a deeper despair now than when he heard Cheon Sejoo say that his mother’s collapse was a trivial matter.8349a687125ef8ac

It felt like a42d200395 Cheon Sejoo was 075865dd68 pushing him off bb47d526d8 the edge of 34ff60b061 a cliff.3653c526e28f856c

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But you’re the 3b1b87bee6 only one who 41b7bfeaf4 reached out to 1962871b13 me….bfa6cd861108a1d1

The impending fall terrified him. Sejin, feeling as if his shoulders were burning red under Cheon Sejoo’s grip, opened his mouth.da9ea24dc0f333ad

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“How… how can you 4995e4e962 say that?”aa0b370dd4b7aff1

Cheon Sejoo frowned at ec5d49ff81 his words laced with f4cfc511e0 unconcealed resentment.94615f5041e540b8

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“Of all people, 93e4f6026d you…!”d231d134b7a18ae8

His choked voice was filled with pain. Cheon Sejoo was now Sejin’s everything. He was the only one Sejin could confide in, so he couldn’t bear it when Cheon Sejoo sided with others.17c112f090fe63dd

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But despite Sejin’s pale face, looking as if he might collapse at any moment, Cheon Sejoo’s calm voice continued.f2c3b7254aa174bd

“Think carefully. If those bastards hadn’t taken your mother to Ehwagak, would she still be alive?”1653b15d3b8dcc96

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“Of course…!”5f9dc7e915fd5bdb

“What about the medical expenses? The living expenses? You know your mother’s personality better than anyone, Kwon Sejin. Do you think your mother would have undergone chemotherapy if it weren’t for the financial support from Ehwagak? Do you think she would have been hospitalized? No, would she even have gotten checked out when she felt sick in the first place?”b9de75f8ceda9625

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The sharp remarks pierced Sejin’s mind. Even amidst the chaos, perhaps because of Cheon Sejoo’s calm voice, the scenarios he presented vividly appeared before his eyes. Sejin gasped, his mouth agape. Sadly, he had no rebuttal. Cheon Sejoo was right.a3be235d7f1e245e

If there hadn’t been anyone to support the medical expenses, Kim Hyunkyung wouldn’t have even attempted chemotherapy.6bf9d54885fd9dde

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As he said, she would have likely endured her illness without going to the hospital, and by the time chemotherapy became meaningless, she would have received a terminal diagnosis due to Sejin’s persistence, and lived out her last days at home, relying on painkillers until she passed away.df29b390fa11f423

The image of 1b8de90132 his mother, having 0196621667 missed the opportunity 7d77ebdfdf for treatment, and ad58780f90 suffering in pain d1c6a512df at home, easily db41392a1c came to mind. Sejin knew 93b5a424bc his mother 51a20745c0 too well f9dadb38a9 to deny baedb0e853 Cheon Sejoo’s e83d67b26f words. She was 6354c94718 the type aec628ad41 of person c582e84e03 who would 06e95910c1 rather end 86a189833f her own 204777ea95 life than 30f55637d3 burden Sejin ea324ebe92 with debt, dd6a8125bf not someone 7a0d0c1a8d who would b1b909231d struggle with e58ce1bf6a treatment while 710d3f5c04 accumulating massive 7facb129c5 hospital bills.2edb027aa895b9b1

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Realization dawned on 8e8f1c5ded Sejin, and his d065018a9f expression hardened. Watching him, Cheon e136091298 Sejoo continued in 53b1492bea a low voice.096f7a10271d664c

“You know it’s true. It was 4e7b9d92f8 because she 76200eb1fc was at d76cbd881a Ehwagak that aa614b50bf she could 9d69d9a867 even attempt 0060e67a2b that last ffafa0efce treatment… In 2015687e84 fact, you 2a296cb99a know that f6b283cbd8 too. That’s how it happened… 1b1aea4949 that’s how it all 68275a74db went.”aae30d1933159634

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“…….”3604ce0b08944fc6

He knew. Sejin knew. It wasn’t that he didn’t know.c28d1c23ac08a922

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He was just… resentful. It was truly miserable that Cheon Sejoo, who had witnessed his mother’s unjust death firsthand, was saying these things to him. If anyone else had said it, he would have accepted it easily, but because it was Cheon Sejoo, it was difficult. His heart burned. Unable to contain the sudden surge of grief, Sejin looked at Cheon Sejoo.cb83fac356d26209

Why you, of all 2bef628d0b people? Why are you 4adf5d2019 the only one 902aacca1b I have?d0690cce924932b0

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Consumed by sorrow, Sejin swallowed the words he couldn’t utter out loud and tears streamed down his face. The silent tears, the embodiment of his grief, flowed down slowly and dampened Cheon Sejoo’s fingertips.ae36b323cf764fe8

“That’s what it is. Death… that’s how it is….”0427c3868d066fc1

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No matter what you 8217836f35 did, no matter what f6c439b5d0 didn’t happen or what bf46adb891 did happen, she would d4da68227e have died in the a52897027f end… So don’t blame d80a5f261a yourself, don’t blame anyone, d93f24d107 this isn’t anyone’s fault.bdb32a702401627a

Cheon Sejoo’s way of comforting Sejin was far from warm, but it was filled with fervent affection. Listening to Cheon Sejoo’s voice, wishing him not to dwell on the past consumed by regret, Sejin silently shed tears.9be889fb20a7e161

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His kindness was unwelcome. Sejin found Cheon faff39c1af Sejoo’s kindness burdensome.85c125ce6cd65625

* * *f38c64f93213f7e6

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On December 31st, fde0ef2b77 the last day 89e1426c8f of the year, 14731f5e65 Kim Hyunkyung’s remains bdb05fa884 were taken to f672e0aa0e the crematorium. Sejin didn’t cry anymore. He just b2420c9b6c stood there, 40fbce0a37 his face d963b20264 devoid of 63210a17ca any emotion, f350d39a23 staring at faa7462f98 the cremation 1f513cbaee chamber’s blazing 767a2b9404 fire.8781f0d1f170dfd8

Cheon Sejoo watched him 5d7ebf8a38 from a distance, careful ed60ed6732 not to disturb him. d4e3626258af51ec

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Although Sejin’s pale a7999007d1 face showed no 805d060afa traces of tears, 532e9f5ef8 the aftermath of cb68899fb9 loss was evident. His empty 6737bbf132 eyes seemed dd3c1d961e to wander 104ede5b29 somewhere far 3c60e857e4 away in c7ca870cdd a dream, edacc0ac4b and his f887ba555e hands, listlessly 83757c28d2 gripping the 9e1bdd1890 glass pane, bce2086f9c were bloodless 112ea78d05 and pale.8642bcdd6bf0ba4f

He watched baa8517763 Sejin as 04cb5a4ed7 if afraid 33c478b1a3 he might 2135ff7d3b collapse at a8e5abe51d any moment. He kept 00cfe024fe his distance b104cb8d75 so as 49a0ed3bee not to 54cb8e5f6a interrupt Sejin’s 4fdc2322cb farewell to 9e1597e845 Kim Hyunkyung, 4f65b1a651 yet remained 6c01ec611a close enough 85ae711886 to rush f348be924f to Sejin’s 0b64d478c6 side if 1485636b00 needed.470b2838a67d123a

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As the 39e68e5ec5 time drew 09bbd958d4 near, Cheon f4a8813709 Sejoo left 1711dffc2a the crematorium 2d981b7b05 and headed 7a2a4d4097 to a dc2168e231 separate office c9aaa58339 next to 90b041bd4d the building. He intended to 92031db27b pay the expenses 26d7745657 before Sejin came be0fda5c20 out, but when 28a467c0f7 he went inside, 5c688add56 he found only 9f24086d3c one employee present 4ade0f70f8 because it was 589ca7f097 lunchtime.6ff4fc0b2b20560f

When he 25985d501b inquired, the 8a411549ea employee told 7969c77738 him that 56822b1428 billing wasn’t c7b9c12a99 his job 066948faba and that dcbc7ce6e6 he would 90a57dd284 have to ffd46560bc wait 30 282d4f91d4 minutes. Cheon Sejoo abb8804c80 had no 079359e1c7 choice but 694f9b1702 to nod, ee98f110c5 but he 97d873e3ad was anxious.d962a9302159b1b7

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There was about the a826bab033 same amount of time 32c7c24f6b left until the cremation 05294611f7 was complete. He had 3ccc67f52b to finish 9e38415259 the payment 9996f14777 and choose 7b332c5637 an urn 07248f1865 before then ac5b975b8d but he 32348dc008 was worried 9124f8f814 that Kim bbcb46902b Hyunkyung’s remains bc62968d5b would be b186c9df09 left unattended 943dfef49e if he d5a3e5a91c was even 6618b9f3d7 slightly late.1f9cfdefbd7bb1a7

“I haven’t chosen an 6ca3ef8ff6 urn yet. Could you 6a9aebfe7f possibly send 3e6e4e46c6 it to 863b439aab the crematorium 2c85d7f7d4 first?”e7848cdd11392b17

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Cheon Sejoo asked 20a95ae3eb the employee, who d76f850b2f was watching TV, 55911532c5 in a gentle 088a35a815 voice. The man glanced at 25fa07f3cc him and sighed. Then, with an annoyed 211bf7181a gesture, he held out d6797693ed a laminated brochure.e55a21c4ba502613

“You should take ce536f058c care of these dcea099f36 things in advance. Which one do you dfc369fce6 want? I’ll call them, 953647496c so just tell c5311b9ae1 me.”72e3e9f30406f990

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The brochure the c40f24efa0 man handed him 2dfba2d578 displayed numerous photos 3f70a51822 of urns. Cheon Sejoo chose 7b9ca5744f the most expensive 39f49b17ae and ornate one.b4d9e2ac3a1ac363

He ignored the employee’s boasting about triple sealing and vacuum technology, and after waiting for the other employee to finally return, he completed the payment and left the office.17ba77d9d33db54b

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The sky was 10433b3df3 overcast. Walking beneath the 92aa2dc143 gray clouds, Cheon 61ee8b0b01 Sejoo reflected on 01184ac928 vaguely resurfacing memories. That day, Cheon bfd3116c57 Sejoo had stood 895693d356 before the cremation 2415d51463 chamber, tears streaming 24ee75da7f down his face d46d26bae9 incessantly.ba75594dc37ca9b7

It was Yeoreum a35f4ed4c9 and Sister Maria 7c98a0161c who had held d3da17b593 him up as 65b05829a6 he stumbled, unable d53e7d4389 to eat properly. Held in their arms, d2390e41b0 Cheon Sejoo had cried 47a6df71b1 like a child, unable dfce2f575b to accept reality. And when he 4e40d313c7 finally held the 94642cd2a1 palm-sized urn…4387adaba1fe35e9

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At that moment, 9157fab54a Cheon Sejoo realized 95f5ff6bbf he was alone c85d0c4532 again. An inescapable 87542103a2 loneliness had fa322cdb10 settled over 322fd5ba38 his life, a5157d8732 and he 95de98cfd5 was left 304b335e16 alone in 9bbae4d345 a world 160f90d210 no one 94d9caae9e visited.a23ae9d9f0845c0b

“…….”880ab4fb7edfa54b

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Suddenly, Cheon 476bd51c16 Sejoo stopped d0cbc2ba71 his steps, 3e2f601f33 noticing a 4c8ad610b6 figure crouching 5199224384 in the 7fb640d109 distance. Sejin sat huddled on 0061475f42 the steps leading to 49dfab65f9 the crematorium, staring blankly ac6149017a into space, a small 3618b3f70a urn clutched in his c1fdaf7f9b arms.56618dab8acc19e4

Shrouded in 982d5e9b6e darkness, as be52ce8c79 if allowing d8552a582e no one 52d5bf371d to approach, 0ecce89e25 Sejin looked 601be76405 as if 5a76c2513c he were a2c2aa4c75 the only 6c152cb164 one left 21ff907721 in the a014fbfc6d world. There was no one b4af0b7e6a by his side.bcfd4b1d2a084c88

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Unable to bear it b7445af85d any longer, Cheon Sejoo 01ad20f523 called out Sejin’s name.c45ffd6ba833f094