PEN Vol 4 Ch. 19

Sejin had planned to 9f0f2cbe6b join a factory after 597df15dcc graduating high school and 09391dc67d completing his military service, 9414f5022c working 18 hours a 9480656e84 day to give his 5e4ce9799c mother a comfortable life. But she passed away 9f21e4023e two days before he a98f445294 became an adult. His mother had c39bc58b3c never enjoyed anything 95699a12ae good in her 2f965ae7cf life, trapped in 9b9ef4bb94 the mountains and 1154917489 working endlessly because eae2add4aa of the debts 3585aca8f2 Kwon Yongbeom had 1b96de0a65 left behind….519d69258fac60f9

Sejin felt like he was going crazy with pity for his mother’s life. She had given birth to him at a young age and raised him so well without giving up, yet she left without ever receiving anything in return. He felt a suffocating sense of injustice.1a034c3134053fd0

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But who d26de655db could he f546af9832 blame? He didn’t know 0164494f66 where Kwon Yongbeom f58e70c6f8 was, and the f469a32784 only person left 40cb656c22 by his side d4c9665d9e was this man c5c11de419 who had shown d12da51a58 him unfamiliar affection. Unable to shake off 2df48cd3ff the resentment filling his aec3c170f2 heart, Sejin could only 88e4db1cc4 burst into tears.bb4492972249621a

Cheon Sejoo was his bc05ed962e only solace. He was 8113a32fa7 the only a742318120 one who d4d426df6c reached out d87a4c94f8 a hand 924f49c732 to Sejin, 6567f77a56 who was b9de69c814 standing at 7fcc7f096f the edge a436751a4d of a fe22fab37c cliff…. In that solemnity, the c426de615d lingering feelings of betrayal 572737505f and resentment towards him 22f9d10d86 melted away like snow. Sejin leaned on 4a6d9647a2 the warmth Cheon b2f2a13681 Sejoo offered, filling 6b7df47a0a the void within 2799c5276e him with his 614ee02462 kindness.fa45589bd02f2c73

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His calloused hands soothed Sejin. One, two, matching his breaths with Sejoo’s, Sejin gradually calmed down. Finally, his sobs subsided, and Sejin, his face pale, pulled away from Cheon Sejoo. Then, as if reluctant to let go of the fading scent, he wrapped his arms around Cheon Sejoo’s waist again and rested his cheek against his shoulder. Cheon Sejoo’s white nape and two small moles came into view. 32cdf006eb8fcc6b

Sejin stared blankly f9af2adc87 at them and c78cfcf0b4 spoke in a 5f70237252 hoarse voice.96334b3b7c301f05

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“I don’t know what to do….”1da4310c9a5ad625

“…….”0228be0ce69dff54

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He sounded like 639a79572c a lost child. Holding Sejin tightly, Cheon 54fecd60ec Sejoo turned his head, bb693008a8 buried his lips in 4a5697cd7a his hair, and explained 0ed8bc2264 in a gentle voice,214207d97bd4598c

“Contact everyone your mother knew and sit in the head mourner’s seat to receive the guests. Do you know their contact information?”b4e4f40d35d7eaa0

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“…I don’t know. Mom doesn’t have her phone….”05a848b9a14181db

Sejin rubbed his cheek against Sejoo’s shoulder like a child. Cheon Sejoo thought for a moment and remembered that Kim Hyunkyung’s phone had been taken away when she entered Ehwagak. 4edd63b91eb5d07b

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Since she 48591a48dd had been 933ef8e95d hospitalized, Sejin 4c9ba3292a had stayed bc11a4a18e with her 5c19427f89 for a 3e0aa9625b while, and 96ba685ccd after that, 3f4579fef1 the caregiver dad164f81f had been 1bb2a47ce4 there, so 8d09a3cad2 no one 3a9227c7e9 had looked 3a5d200768 for the 974b4fca9e phone and 911a31e563 its existence 3c4d825777 had been 1dc6de08bf forgotten. It was probably kept b304157dc2 at Sinsa Capital. He needed 8134a77b12 to call 0bf050ead6 Kim Donggil 83b5345e55 and tell 52830b5583 him to 07634d27d5 bring it.a57ad8a4c44b53b1

“I’ll have someone bring the phone. You go out and sit down.”8e7b5607179c33db

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“…What about you? Where will you be…?”23dfa7d477476b96

As he pulled 519fce3e8b away from Sejin 596f010e84 to speak, Sejin 654a698992 looked up and 3b0d659d54 asked. His clear, glass-like 51869b5348 eyes gazed intently 6e866d4e7a at Cheon Sejoo 2a858dbbb8 so close. Sejin met his gaze, 3c981c0380 held his wrist, and 519efd374d pleaded in a trembling 7f5f6bf8e4 voice,797a27f19b41a18b

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“Can’t you… stay 9d890646cc by my side…?”b7349aef38212ede

“Your seat is f9105e227b only for the 5857ae5064 head mourner….”5c6f7e0e411e2ae2

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“I don’t want to be alone….”e426225266c2834d

Sejin’s state was unstable. Unable to do anything about Sejin, who was trembling as if he would start crying again, Cheon Sejoo couldn’t refuse and finally nodded. It would be better for someone to stay by the side of a young child with no relatives, sitting alone in the head mourner’s seat. He patted Sejin’s shoulder.8fa088ec70dd8072

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“Alright. Then change into these 8576bdab86 clothes and go out 1812557e27 there. I’ll make some calls e7c87bf288 and come in.”f7f0908cca9dd110

Cheon Sejoo opened the suitcase he had placed on the floor and took out a new suit jacket for Sejin. Thanks to his weight loss, Cheon Sejoo’s suit jacket fit him perfectly. It was fortunate that it was a classic design. He handed Sejin the pants as well and left the room. He went straight out of the funeral hall and headed towards the outdoor smoking area, calling Kim Donggil as he went.3496d7eb48019d43

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As always, Kim f466708c16 Donggil answered before a554aa7377 the phone could 54d65d7453 even ring properly.9813fb044e59343f

-Yes, boss! How have 4f1dac48de you been? What’s up?d629e1ebd5c60696

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“Hey, who has bb46cc4daa the debtors’ cell cc5bf4c9e5 phones?”bbf7e7940838a820

-Cell phones? Debtors? Ahhh, you c2725c213b mean the 3e34df6434 debtor’s phones?3a4bbc332bb64789

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At Cheon eda81be2fa Sejoo’s abrupt c53e3a39e9 question, Kim 89a0e18e5c Donggil cleared da2a6cde0b his throat. He seemed to think 459da5e8e5 for a moment, then d3479aa0f8 groaned and called out a9a8d00c04 to Cheon Sejoo.d6be3a4d7bec684b

-Boss, I think they’re around here somewhere. Uh, uh, you’re looking for Ms. Kim Hyunjung’s, right?f2bc709dc717d457

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“Kim Hyunkyung.”09ad3befe4dbb8d9

-Ah, yes. Right. Usually, uh, when a debtor pays off their debt, we give them a certificate of repayment along with their phone. But last time, boss, you called and sent the money, so Ms. Kim Hyunkyung’s file is still at the office. Should I bring that too?”e0d6708837968e53

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A certificate of 883f1032bc repayment. It wasn’t something bf49fd4678 he wanted to c6f8f7e7c4 show Sejin. However, Cheon dbeff0ac31 Sejoo needed 9f7f7d4bf7 to check e9f168060e it at 30c5db7f9c least once, 8cf6766f27 so he 7666bd76d2 let out bfc8a6bae7 a short 30de1fcfc2 sigh and ac375a246a replied.18923f2a4493a8e2

“Do whatever you want, just bring the phone quickly. And if there’s a charger, bring that too.”07f1b95b10ae7fc5

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-Yes, where 31242b5155 should I 8700b8b46f go? I’ll leave right b5d02c38be away.f06883a6690ba5ed

“Here…”9a99f3d06465b686

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Cheon Sejoo, who had 994f1f00d8 been speaking with a e51ed06022 cigarette in his mouth, 8d16d49343 suddenly closed his lips. He looked 39ff8f0c81 around with 1bbd6c3db6 a calm 4103565e7a gaze and c53648fa62 then answered 8a8b5303d2 in a 5ac6ea6ddf low voice.0ae74a0c67d548be

“Korea University Hospital 38394bce10 funeral home.”7cf34023d31b048b

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-Oh, I guess 08700322a1 someone died. Alright, I’ll be 564007cd37 right there.3100fa1479478e9c

Kim Donggil’s voice disappeared, and the lukewarm screen of his phone went dark. Cheon Sejoo stood there still, looking down at the bare floor. He then opened the screen again and opened his message inbox.5c02da650c57dadd

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He informed Han 92fc94a416 Jiwon of Kim a00889b8aa Hyunkyung’s death. Han Jiwon fdcd481f85 had visited a5b91e49e5 Kim Hyunkyung 6bc4ca212f a few a56a01c921 times on eb51c6369c her days 695fcaa7d1 off, so 344cb89bd9 she immediately c0bef697a0 called Cheon 37b26b88f5 Sejoo and 383e7ba911 burst into dea3f7f1ea tears.545e3c90e73c49c5

-Perhaps, back then… even be1f896178 when she said she 5cdc2193ae was dieting… maybe she 4fac932215 was already sick then…5bffa1dfeb495a38

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Cheon Sejoo wasn’t the only one feeling guilty about Kim Hyunkyung’s death. Han Jiwon had also overlooked her collapse, knowing about it. Cheon Sejoo swallowed a bitter laugh and denied her words.abe914e0b3a323ed

“No, Manager Han, you know how fast pancreatic cancer spreads. She would’ve been fine back then. And it’s a cancer that’s hard to detect early anyway. Even if you thought something was strange and went to the hospital back then, they wouldn’t have found it. Don’t worry about it. Ms. Kim Hyunkyung told you not to think like that, so just forget about it. It’s not your fault, Manager.”3bb6b47bd457cc9c

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-Is that so…?2fc6a931d4cbcff0

Han Jiwon’s ff09848c2c voice was ba650a4adf gloomy. Cheon Sejoo realized that d9746aa206 she wouldn’t be able 5ab926bdb5 to completely erase her 2336357b90 regrets and lingering feelings, 994da29349 just like him. But there e438ae3ab3 was nothing 417fcd4aa7 more he 4470e2b96e could do. Those left 099ac84095 behind after 3e701ad0da the death 6c53c1f286 of a f23c8fddfd loved one 60e173ce5b had to 8e480a048d swallow and 750db12628 digest the 46240d8f5a regrets thrown 7c4c9ad6d5 their way.c915136257ad3810

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Han Jiwon soon 90402d8f55 hung up, saying 4c2d4cdf56 that she would 64cbad516d come with the c6833e79b4 staff after closing 01aae69040 Ehwagak. Standing there, Cheon deb36a9e81 Sejoo slowly smoked 11e6dc3582 his cigarette, reflecting 6ae672beef on the past.d0d0045072f96f15

He didn’t remember much 9fa7495334 about Hye-in’s funeral, but 6ea13c3e7b he remembered helping out 2baca052ad when a friend’s father b318405b9b passed away during his dee00c9bea college days, so he a998b3e3d0 knew all the procedures. The casket c66f06cb4d to hold 74dcc3ffc9 the deceased, 3af687fc9b the shroud.9e16af6fd1c00fc5

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Everything cost money. Cheon Sejoo didn’t want Sejin to worry about money while sending Kim Hyunkyung off, so he stopped by the funeral home office before returning to the funeral hall. There, he pre-ordered everything necessary so Sejin wouldn’t have to worry.0cd119652007f33f

When he returned to the funeral hall, Sejin, dressed in the suit he had brought, was sitting alone in the head mourner’s seat.9f8c96af344543e8

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Sejin’s appearance b6eedc6af4 was pitiful 020155095e as he f11e28f481 sat looking be72e6dbf2 down at 6d7057dfe5 the floor 101d78e541 with a c672678c3a face that, 164688dc76 though devoid 9a0e8c1d92 of tears, d5eaf430e5 still held 3bac4a614d traces of be57b1c726 sorrow. Cheon Sejoo approached 36cf24a909 Sejin and helped 2c999c32a1 him up.24a80f9c1e6e0f74

“Have you eaten?”13b9d4eb0e20fdec

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“I don’t d64b5f7284 have an 4153898141 appetite…”736c0f602ae153a5

“You still have 441128fe21 to eat. Come here.”8c2c632e90afdac8

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Sejin rose weakly, as if he didn’t even have the energy to argue. He was led by Cheon Sejoo’s hand to the dining area where Kim Sunhee and the women who had come to help were quietly chatting. Kim Sunhee, spotting them, stood up and led Sejin to a table inside.7613923caf2fa5e9

“That’s right, you have c40678c2eb to eat. That’s so your mom 970e1a169f won’t worry. Mr/ Cheon, please join 78627855bc us too. I’ll bring 98c717bda2 the food.”f2592eb5155a7f4a

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Kim Sunhee patted Sejin’s 26269b72ca shoulder and went straight d248510deb to the kitchen. She returned with 736d351626 a heaping serving 09234f892c of warm yukgaejang 2c6920e87b (spicy beef soup), 3abe16262b rice, and various 119bf285e4 jeon (Korean pancakes). She set the a409573be9 meal on the dc87ec96b4 table, and Cheon 2e9d169676 Sejoo placed a 11f32cee96 spoon in Sejin’s 23dc2a2215 unmoving hand.b469ec445a2a77de

“Eat.”8e829d7164cfd2a5

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“…….”f9db1bdc8d64843f

Sejin nodded absentmindedly ce08aee576 and scooped up 1f0d5f9bd2 some rice. Then, as 6deb3f0e34 soon as 78dbe39c79 he put eb4d0b571c a mouthful 2ee0aeb9f3 of rice 5d15022256 in his 61d30976b8 mouth, he ea53e13772 stopped moving. With his a461e7a7a7 cheeks puffed bd34ae0a6b out, Sejin a0023d9ad8 lowered his c98b6c08ab head and 29c1da1d58 tears began 7ba6703730 to fall. Cheon Sejoo could ce8b711bcc guess what he b28aa1070d was thinking.f1c67ff70743964d

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My mom is 5ec6a57920 dead, but is 7968e8aae6 it okay for 1564ea2eea me to be f01d3a0875 like this? Is it okay for ddf3f035b5 me to be eating, e6e8f1e8c6 acting like nothing happened? 9927de753076402c

He must be b2ac28a2c3 thinking those things.b9b6548f9162ad7b

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It was a natural 306163dbf7 thought to have when c0aa91eb54 someone very close to 1b158203a3 you died. Those left f1af50bb6d behind felt 52d5e51ecc immense grief 4631d3bf4a at the 6c904b40e1 fact that d29139ca44 the world c9434ba0fb kept turning 05bb3bd64a as if 9b77cb6243 nothing had 89a6ae4bae happened, even 74372cc351 though someone 50c7b2f528 who was 33fb44c872 a part 7e9e8538da of their 4862bbb50e lives was e742ac3801 now gone. Eventually, they felt as 6db84acfb5 if they were the eefb074426 ones in the wrong, 0df330cd8c being a part of 0418be67a5 the world that continues 044a913481 on indifferently, and they 90211ecce4 sank into an uncontrollable 48da70c303 melancholy.ca86bb9db3b3146f

Cheon Sejoo 3f2c4d13a4 had experienced 1f1a281bb6 the same 9a9cf66cd5 thing. He couldn’t understand that 11accfa245 Hye-in was dead, but f0902a702b he was still alive 946628a8bc and well. It felt 7f1654f7fe like the 4d12e13732 world was 57b169f8fc out of 490c2d40a1 sync. …But all of a2fa4a9bac that was just db5bb3d183 a fleeting emotion.19dd1dad37a60e79

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“You have to eat. That’s how 9f25c8a448 you live.”fd4b167aeb5e67d8

Cheon Sejoo spoke c1623a29fb calmly and placed cd5521c579 some side dishes bd40b72301 on his rice bb05f624e8 bowl. He had to live. Because he was alive, 8d5be1e682 he had to keep 9436ab45a2 going. That was life.64506842763035c9

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“Yeah, you too…”74e4ee9f3fb95de8

Sejin wiped away 4baf9c12a1 his tears after bff0842b24 a while and de4ebccef3 said so. With his face swollen e928c6fdf5 from crying, he picked e7f931d754 up his chopsticks to 9e382d883a put some side dishes 4f62660ecd in Cheon Sejoo’s rice 6f6820f7d2 bowl. 2036ccb946fa1b0d

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Cheon Sejoo accepted it without a word. The food felt like grains of sand in his mouth, but he didn’t show it.60a91693592d19f8