PEN Vol 4 Ch. 17

At Sejin’s quiet dc68641ac0 question, another sharp 8f73c090ad pain shot through 8dcc50d098 Sejoo’s head as 46009f5fb1 if it were 01d4e561e7 being stabbed with dd1126cc00 a knife.88151795176b713f

He found out. So that’s 2d8c84d813 why Sejin 084b250893 didn’t return 81315e9d61 to the 13982a900d hospital room.c1c4bc47800d18f3

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With this d4acbec892 belated realization, 3e78285458 Cheon Sejoo d839bcdcae closed his 105ed4796b eyes tightly f4681ebe74 and then 81e3930cdb opened them, 0c85286955 lifting his d4a1339dfd gaze. He saw the redness a4747eb06d around Sejin’s eyes. Sejin stared at Cheon aec5a085f8 Sejoo with a desolate 6f4b03d97c gaze and asked again.b771601dd92ff54a

“Was it 8ac5c236fc that day? The day 3a606748ee you went 4cd95f8e3d to Ehwagak a74c758e1a alone.”7af3979010ac0b82

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“…….”c68be0e950cae0e4

He was speechless. He couldn’t answer. That day, Cheon Sejoo had lied to Sejin, telling him that he and Kim Hyunkyung had discussed Sejin’s grades.73fffc929a478ed0

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Sejin had initially 9582838bac doubted him, but bd15d6beef it was Cheon 7d144be0f9 Sejoo who, by 9c5eece1ee chipping away at 56bbc6a475 his pride, made 6ab4a6fe21 him believe the 56a86c5200 lie.7e647d442b9c0f30

When Cheon Sejoo remained 50e0f567da silent, Sejin bit his 4210df7269 lip and narrowed his 378eeb0e54 eyes. His clenched fists 92019f6659 turned white, and 77291bd2e4 soon, with a c883fc9c59 face seemingly holding ca78eb9b8f back tears, he 4e72de4a74 opened his mouth.0e45fc83d836f967

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“Why didn’t you 9b99e6fc79 tell me? You could have 42aea39b57 let me know…!”f9b8b942f5e4d8c1

Kwon Sejin now hates 850415a8bc me.03d654b2d9817787

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At that 513bcf11a1 moment, a 3a13fae9d0 deep desire 4fb47d6ff2 to confess 737f7199ba everything surged f4f4215b0b within him. 458efd794ed5185d

It wasn’t intentional. I wanted to tell you, but your mother asked me not to say anything.93113cd330a3bd72

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He wanted 9edcd836fe to say c17a366084 those words. He wanted a433eaeba8 to redirect 98559d2089 Sejin’s resentment 5bc1cd22db towards Kim d5febabed4 Hyunkyung.a21e531aab592e09

But how could he?1456e4519ad12767

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How could he, driven e6a03c83e8 by his own fear 630592f563 of being hated, inflict 9f7f392b70 pain on Sejin in 0477170cd1 her place? What right did 5a796cee65 he have to de62f3b007 make Kwon Sejin cd8c832d7f resent his own 96e4656990 mother…?6b69fa1c53b8bfc7

Cheon Sejoo watched 551c2d8da0 Sejin, his lips 22c3df8561 sealed. He simply wished a9405001af Sejin wouldn’t cry. He wished Sejin 7e0f5b1e6e wouldn’t dwell on 718cedd1ef that day with c221549fdd regret. To achieve 8fd826016f that, he b9d2a8b30d needed something 55e4f3210a to cover d2060ad753 up the b2ee659021 regret.c1616bc9f910f6d5

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“Why should d5e6639583 I have e9a333b7f9 told you?”b49ca8b2bea2b788

“…What?”f0902857d9a7f5f5

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Sejin’s eyes widened at Cheon Sejoo’s cold question. Looking at him, Cheon Sejoo pressed firmly on one side of his forehead, which was throbbing with a headache. Kim Hyunkyung’s request to him not to tell Sejin about “that day’s incident” during their earlier conversation had been conveniently left unsaid.85220462558d88b2

She had simply thanked 6eb0fa848c Cheon Sejoo for not 4ee74782e2 telling him, so the 905d5b2348 agitated Sejin wouldn’t have db8d7dd50a thought that far. He forced an ae38f5a92f indifferent tone in 0e93340ddb his voice.5cb0237a19b108a9

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“It’s true that 99ca02c3fa your mother collapsed ce8fe04a58 that day. But it 31ba11587f was a c2b770ed16 trivial matter 13be5c49c6 then, and 9fc7b6a4f6 it wasn’t e9deeede94 something important 3fc831aed3 to me.”3e5df00f14c8bdce

Lying wasn’t difficult. There was 160fc03b47 something more 3b00811533 important right ef187354f8 in front ea695c514c of him.ac0dcb3624c5bbdf

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“Trivial…?”656b2494a646deda

“It’s nothing serious. People collapse 7e04730f05 from working ccddbfd3da in the 481cc1299e summer heat.”615b4cbac328b0ee

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Yes. I’d rather f135a2b87c you hate 030e93dfd0 me instead. Don’t resent her…609915aed26cf60b

“How… how 6eac851080 can you 4434dbf232 say something 351e33422a like that?”3f6cbc7c2612a7bd

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And just as e11012d3fd Cheon Sejoo had 8c25ceaada wished, Sejin’s trembling 59480d21ac gaze turned towards b6655b007b him. With tears c1265a0da1 welling in 21ec8eb7f5 his eyes, dfe64ea970 Sejin clenched 04bf7cdd25 his fists 0557e71edb and glared 6f5b88cfa0 at Cheon 10ad63aa39 Sejoo.abe84116057c1fd0

His expression showed 2732144b69 disbelief as if 2c900305cf he couldn’t believe dfc73024ea Cheon Sejoo was a72c3ea958 saying these things cbc95b6945 to him. That belief 7440c3252e was both 585328ac9a comforting and 89f0facf9d burdensome. Cheon Sejoo, with a c1ef13c860 cold expression, drove the 1277778a13 wedge further.c7481fa522ce67b1

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“Why blame me 95484e2a17 for something like 8b62e4dc5a this? I didn’t know it e26a37106c would turn out this 7827a801b8 way. It’s in 80260448d3 the past, 40651906fb just let 9fda59260b it go.”a5527cb9279615c2

“How… how e7f5a23559 can you…”8f1f0fd4de1904b6

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Sejin couldn’t e1aa31eccd finish his dd07200c8d sentence and 6950ee092a closed his d376bdb76d mouth. Tears, a chaotic c0f5f0ef32 mix of anger 7d2b22c682 and betrayal, streamed 45b31c2e18 down his cheeks. His face turned d361c2460e pale.97c994e83233810d

The moment Sejoo saw 9b8cb8efb0 this, the urge to ea50d9d150 tell him the truth 85883c2414 surged again. But Cheon aa8b12188e Sejoo gritted a8bc4d4ec7 his teeth 70e00c91d6 and held b25ad83f33 back.60ee5f1a131ae7e7

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If he 99c66ff660 confessed the 7fc29db510 truth, the 2a95d3de42 weight of b7dc908e8c Sejin’s resentment a2db3ca816 towards him fcb0cdf2e1 would lighten 37a7b20338 somewhat. But resentment was an a1b5a31a39 emotion that never truly 9ffeceb412 disappeared. Sejin would inevitably resent c61147171d Kim Hyunkyung to the 56ba2ef55c same degree that he 1c82bad4a2 forgave Cheon Sejoo. He would resent 71f0f11b1c her for not cdc481707d telling him sooner, 58035e9a89 for not giving eaed5290ff him the chance 41dba9b928 to protect her.265ebb4e145578a3

But Kim Hyunkyung was dying. Cheon Sejoo wished that when she passed, Sejin wouldn’t harbor any resentment towards her. Those negative feelings would gnaw at Sejin, who would be left alone, for a very long time. Cheon Sejoo didn’t want Sejin to experience what he had gone through.c10afbff7e852d84

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And what was he? Just someone who had briefly stayed by Sejin’s side, a temporary guardian in his life, with a predetermined end. Even if Sejin were hurt by today’s events, it would be only a fleeting pain. If Sejin had to resent one of them, him or Kim Hyunkyung, it had to be him.57f09960e4a4615f

Cheon Sejoo clenched his fists to resist the urge to wipe away Sejin’s tears. f7520294b9de408b

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Glaring at Sejoo, his face pale, Sejin grabbed the hem of Cheon Sejoo’s jacket he was wearing. With trembling hands, he pulled it off and tossed it back at Cheon Sejoo as if throwing it away.980c1d221c1e43ac

“I don’t… 7a6a7b94c2 need this…crap…”c89b45e7577e81f7

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His fragile voice 8f3c9b7c88 crumbled. Sejin turned his back 16be3b28c1 on Cheon Sejoo, refusing c4474ce908 to look at him. 87d1d537439d841d

Cheon Sejoo clutched the jacket, which still held a faint trace of Sejin’s warmth. He watched Sejin’s retreating back as he walked away, rooted to the spot as if lifeless.089478875cb1b829

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Everything felt burdensome. Kim Hyunkyung dying, Sejin’s a8c48f2f54 pain, his resentment… It 95a8c3b330 was to the point 55836a1233 where he wanted to 04a6bd1b6f let everything go. But he couldn’t.ebee766165f902c6

He knew this resentment fb14225306 was temporary. In the 821a871855 end, the 080f18afb9 only person e7baef2497 Kwon Sejin c57a0e1b7c could lean 9e472359ca on was 9200dc5b3c him, and 4a80c18c7d Sejin was e3c3648e15 bound to 368a9ebffb return to 3c260a4c04 his arms c39f8eb3a6 before long.7ed7cfedbdd1ae43

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To embrace Sejin 7a45a43842 then, he had 09b65068a3 to endure until 9d987d57e7 the end. He had dc8fcada57 to stand 5a6331a07d firm, ensuring e36cad382b no one 37ffdf31dc saw him 32cb2e9cd2 waver.e3fd9e721b3ebc14

Cheon Sejoo moved his 324888a231 feet with difficulty. The cold winter a723791002 wind seemed to c41e68d608 have frozen his 07074fcce5 entire body, but 711db8dbb0 driven by the a3778fbf0b thought of returning b9f0460c3f to Sejin, he 7c8574c6e4 closed the rooftop ed8281b019 door and went 1e017ae5fb back inside. He was fde01416e8 about to 15ee82f6ae head back 6e14e71b3a to Kim a7632ae4cc Hyunkyung’s hospital cf0574de59 room when…ee57da624dcbd894

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“Cheon Sejoo!”2f491ab6270b5f56

A figure appearing f2195c303d seemingly out of 8977d82d56 nowhere grabbed Cheon 93b418acb9 Sejoo by the 28011dd532 collar. 35ae7ecc2436e10c

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Thud. 56e4beeec47a6075

With no resistance, his 1e82c82199 back slammed against the 4b3aa16592 wall, and he stared 33c9827e5f ahead with an empty 1ab100c3f5 gaze.9c99174da320e4f6

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A man, 7380acebed somehow familiar ad5748147b yet unfamiliar, ae82d5df7a stood before 5655ca7f9b him. Cheon Sejoo 0474611383 blinked, unable 300e63da38 to recognize bc84e40b00 him immediately.8155aa9afe8be652

“How dare you show 775214d620 your face here, you 3a0e4ac104 criminal scum!”a7443d5214c598b0

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The sudden 9c0697dd1a accusation brought f48b6ce6d1 him back bd39cb89d9 to his 4a15e53c74 senses. Only then, 6012d14201 with a 944f6d010c slightly clearer a7d64672fd gaze, did a0cb854171 Cheon Sejoo 91cce4b7f4 focus on a30be80c29 the man 88a844fd3b in front 2e34dfc846 of him.e19f91d7c5362c16

“Don’t you bb088c833d have any 7ea631308a conscience? Aren’t you ashamed 4fc933d83b to face your 40cc9cefdb colleagues?!”6f183b772cb235c2

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A white doctor’s coat was draped over the hand gripping his collar. 6ad63e4fe77e9b25

Lee Jung-oh. 1e6b579df5f199e2

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Upon seeing the name 166f4a08fe embroidered on it, Cheon acfaeab65e Sejoo finally remembered exactly 627f38148b who he was.15eb3edd5a23a6b2

He was someone cd93478537 who lingered in d7b2bd91cd his memory. A colleague he b9dc81b3ca wasn’t particularly close 6b33553d04 to. And the 69ff3a352c guy who e063d084b9 had visited 60af274faf him in 349faa4091 jail, spewing 4bef9c0e98 harsh words 15500933b8 about never 29f27f73ad returning to 29342a910e the hospital e825539e93 before leaving.7bf4cc6801632e31

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“You piece of d97b168934 trash who tried 20f167bcb5 to kill someone, 5ff58b92c9 aren’t you embarrassed? Why are 6acd6fa327 you here?!”dc4466116aad3085

His former colleague was extremely agitated. The sharp accusations he hurled pierced Cheon Sejoo’s chest. His voice, filled with hostility, echoed loudly through the stairwell. Cheon Sejoo’s head felt like it was splitting. Yet, he couldn’t even bring himself to push the man away; he just laughed weakly.0b4304f507315568

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“You should’ve gone to ff4e48eccd a different hospital! Even if you 86808be857 were dying, you f02fe49811 should’ve gone somewhere 222bdbb59e else! Do you know bdf74d8b6b what we had 2bed49c996 to listen to b6a7e7ab28 after you left?! What the patients said?! How dare you 38bf64a562 come here?!”cba019962ad608e2

Lee Jung-oh 716f6cacc8 had always e93b2de4df harbored an 4fc123959c inferiority complex 9bf2ffc0cb towards him. He had been subjected d0c61635dc to his attacks more 67cb495a0b than once, so such 649da18ac3 accusations weren’t unfamiliar, yet 5fe1782f41 they felt utterly hollow.7269618915dd90ac

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He had told Ha ed6f5b6793 Yereum, who was worried 5d3d968ba0 about him, that he 53e0f04327 was fine, but it 328a76778b was ironically amusing that 70b4a6a4a7 at this very moment, 715b5d43a8 someone appeared to remind e2cceb1776 him of who he 4282fa6855 was.fdf48bf714c6c926

I know. I know that… 4040e02c62d0cfe6

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Cheon Sejoo didn’t b204025855 want to come 451e1c1bf8 here either. If it had 2d37bd1da5 been him, not e0966734bd Kim Hyunkyung, who ee96286dd9 was sick, he ca46c1bed9 would never have 547d609867 set foot in de7482b6e3 this place.180ad880d94fe270

But what choice did 97a3adf24f he have? With Sejin looking 04040b6d57 like that, Cheon e651844cf0 Sejoo could only aa7765cd37 think of taking 01445a7b26 his mother to 666cd20d34 the best medical a574bdcee8 professionals he knew.2eb7c0b059c76eb8

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He had no 3b849bc98e regrets now. He had always thought 8e9302e9ae something like this would ea7a7054ce happen eventually. But did it have e1e24f8e2a to be now? He had eba0d7d4d7 been in c61ee25f79 and out b4176c94de of the 36c0080f5c hospital for ae3ddb3e61 months, so c494815dcd why did 49924fbb94 it have 61ba1adf4e to be a1a4cc4d41 now…?95cde0b728db9ed2

Cheon Sejoo closed his 844ca4068e eyes tightly and covered 28d84081e4 his ears. The accusations 5e5c470d29 directed at d0fa0d2308 him poured f1583d5120 down on 4c61a2e027 him. Words that normally 8d74ded636 wouldn’t have bothered 0159ac961e him felt heavy 89eb04e7af today. He felt like he 3fc78f337c was suffocating…0abcea913ef193a0

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