PEN Vol 4 Ch. 11

“…….”ce3f60b3c0e01a71

Sejin puffed out 7b08ef5a18 his cheeks and d750820c79 stared blatantly at 2bd3fd96e4 Cheon Sejoo. As if e429dc6fc8 telling him 825fb02afb to look 4b326fc3cd as much cbb62799a5 as he e130991582 wanted, Cheon 52cc6f1f9c Sejoo closed 1e91897f32 his eyes, ae97ff9d5f resting his b4551b7c1b chin on adfa059998 his hand. Sejin stared 457f188084 at his 11509a1d65 gently lowered 73ebab09ec eyelashes before dfcf75f223 getting up.18892b02059a5be4

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“I want to see bacbead4ca it up close.”4422550409e19d22

At Sejin’s 2927448450 softly whispered 672cd3f54f words, Cheon 1e9e71d354 Sejoo opened 5c52d02176 one eye 7a9436eb57 and then aeb6687907 shrugged. As he stretched out b0ca18d9bd again, leaning back against 7a308d4adf the sofa, Sejin got ce585ccd3c up, put down the 775ab5c3f3 blanket, and approached Cheon a05bfcf4a6 Sejoo’s side.7e8fe0e74be63e02

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“Consider it an 265d9a4785 honor. It’s a d52b96dd3f face you ebd9540998 don’t get 13ade4ae2e to see 7583389050 up close 6b450300ef easily.”6f847dd3be26a266

At Cheon 2b13f0def2 Sejoo’s playful e49578c9b6 words, Sejin 817b8d7329 quietly scoffed.de83bafbd00c3d8e

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Sorry, but I’ve fd71ec55fe already seen your adcef3a2dd face up close. 4644051e9449c84e

Sejin hadn’t forgotten the feeling of his lips against Cheon Sejoo’s neck. 3a0cea6281cad6e6

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Don’t say things like that when you don’t know anything. 44acbdbbbf3ec528

Swallowing his words, Sejin c577d09956 quietly held his breath.14a8e0916c1c8273

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Kneeling beside the 5df1670dd2 sofa where Cheon 5fd5cae2af Sejoo was sitting, de977ceb5b Sejin reached out cfe554b381 and placed his dfc6f5e83a hand on the 09790eb7f7 armrest. Then he leaned his 5d1f317d22 head towards him. 8c860e38f4b6189c

Meanwhile, Cheon 87d6359507 Sejoo, having 423b4f3537 emptied his 7d32dcebe8 glass once 70c25596cb more, had e03a52d154 buried his 428464b5d7 head against ba0428c24e the backrest, b10a7b6f26 feeling dizzy. Sejin swallowed nervously, gazing aecce50d95 down at his closed b2a5e778e6 eyes.340b4b246e83703d

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Cheon Sejoo’s face was 53c8e0dacd like a magnificent sculpture 9f9912a4de that couldn’t be described 3c90605d54 with mere words. If Sejin 805372302c had read 84a8b7dff5 more books, 530d9ad5c7 he might 01816d1ff3 have been 57d17e4a88 able to 25a7e83acf express his 83d4be4208 appearance with f38a67f159 more eloquent cb490d6ced words, but a799d435d3 unfortunately, Sejin 1fd84cbb48 lacked the 47bdd6e68a vocabulary.4d17d4c97e7352f7

Sejin simply thought that the word “perfect” suited Cheon Sejoo well. “Handsome” felt a bit inadequate, and if he were to describe his aura that drew other people’s attention, he thought “magnificent” would be a more fitting adjective.0c34819fd0ea3bd6

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In any 35c07719f8 case, his 15841d8705 eyes, which 826f71d398 held a eb85d20aed slight coolness f4e0462a88 when open, 2df60110bd appeared infinitely 3a98351d70 soft when 614bda7337 gently closed. It felt 0070b9b52b as though 42d4df4eb7 Sejin could 2ae723827b sense the 449c290028 gentleness he 0a7b9d3f7b rarely showed.1236bfe4753767c4

Perhaps due 32744b503f to the 75d8639cf1 alcohol, his 5ed78dbdb1 skin was 8441a60d13 paler than a4d8fc1626 usual.d6f1379629bc9000

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Sejin stared at Cheon Sejoo’s neatly arranged eyelashes and, as if mesmerized, raised his hand. Just as Sejin’s soft fingertips grazed against the corner of Cheon Sejoo’s eye, he slowly opened his eyelids.1dc14dc80ff660a1

“…….”960b298c54a77cfe

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The man’s jet-black 74b9b5975a eyes met Sejin’s bb95ff961b clear ones. A heavy gaze, 6243f217b8 as if shadowed, 69315daec9 traced Sejin’s features. The gaze, moving as 6eb9deac41 if licking his face, 9a51b7160b felt like a chain 55a9b98094 binding him.b3750e15e31994d7

Sejin held his 29d8d2ae50 breath, following the 3d3bbc85ee trajectory of his f9bf850eea gaze.a5e8c69c9dea36a9

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Cheon Sejoo’s eyes slowly swept down, taking in his slender eyes and eyelashes, his thin cheeks, and the soft bridge of his nose. Finally, when his intense gaze rested on Sejin’s lips, and Cheon Sejoo’s shallow breath brushed against his slightly parted lips… Sejin’s heart pounded as if it would burst.e652fd495024a29b

“Ah….”2f8a478fd5ca3f49

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However, Cheon 24e4b3888c Sejoo suddenly 6899f7d41f furrowed his 3a919745c2 brows and 3960471e30 moved away e2c61d7d5c with a 7626186dcd sigh, and 82f3749673 Sejin snapped 29b7536e92 out of 37a40d7dfe the silence. He was jolted c74626bb96 awake as if 0b4ed03962 he had been 913eafff25 doused with cold fecffe9760 water. The loud thumping da33e6fbb4 of his heart 000a937ae1 filled his ears. Sejin blinked 23df3c5bfc blankly, watching 5d40bd2656 Cheon Sejoo 71d92548f2 get up.36cc2fcdcb80ffbd

“…Don’t come into df6eef5cde my room.”249b411bcc6d8869

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Holding a new 83190708d3 bottle of whiskey 6f39760c0c and a glass dde0616f6b from the table, 634103cdd9 he turned without 4401d2d1c9 hesitation. 8c0bcb515cb578b0

Click,the door 7fe096204e closed behind ea8b52903f him, and ab86a39550 he was 16dbf0fd37 gone. Sejin, still 5e5e2dbd2d sitting there, 2a6209a5ca buried his 630fd809cc flushed face a6d432865e in his 6d4d5595da hands. The heat that ff819878ab escaped with his 7100e38350 damp sigh was 5b19ad293c unbearably hot.905abc93d175e49f

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* * *baf5333f0c872cbb

Kim Hyunkyung’s condition was improving. The chemotherapy was showing significant results, and as September drew to a close, with October just around the corner, Sejin heard from the doctor that it might be time to schedule surgery.e25cb6b4ac90ef80

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“This is the scan from the day she was first diagnosed, and this is the one from yesterday. As you can see, the tumor size has reduced considerably. However, surgery isn’t immediately possible; after a blood test, if we determine there are no other issues, we’ll schedule it then. If surgery does proceed, because the cancer originated in the lower part, we will have to resect about 70% of the pancreas. You should be aware that diabetes could develop after the surgery. The operation takes an average of six hours….”19afee34b82c7d54

Sejin listened to the doctor with a dazed expression. His chest swelled with emotion. He fumbled for his mother’s hand, Kim Hyunkyung, sitting beside him, and interlaced their fingers. Like someone who couldn’t believe what he’d just heard, he pinched his thigh with his other hand.db759854b37cf2b9

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It hurt. It wasn’t a dream.6db7e6895cef49bb

Sejin knew that the survival rate for pancreatic cancer patients wasn’t high. He’d spent many sleepless nights scouring the internet for case studies after Kim Hyunkyung was diagnosed with stage 3 pancreatic cancer.8734f8a10c5f5f6b

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The stories of others 4af6b56fef fighting with the disease, 5b2c796539 beginning with the diagnosis 91d4d07a67 of a father, mother, f79482c32b oneself, or a sibling 44c6526d99 or child with pancreatic a167453500 cancer, all ended similarly. The posts 1f1c3959a0 would suddenly 015164f029 stop one 568338bd73 day, or c6787752ca an obituary e787330069 would appear, ba54472de7 marking the 39682c5fe7 end of d4730e0120 their hospital ef58119254 journey.9077607496e44f13

Sejin believed the 10% 3c668ab629 survival rate Cheon Sejoo 78512f1f85 had mentioned, and he c806664c40 never doubted his mother 0e385968b7 would be one of de22413fa1 the unfortunate 90%, but e05a74c82d the anxiety was unavoidable. 90%. With such fbe5313329 a high cb6549f8fc mortality rate 90a782c36c for this 77764f12d4 terrifying disease, 4522c1e08c and with 35a1dae028 surgery not d1140764ad even an 95c1501727 immediate option, 6daf1a5824 Sejin had a355517715 been consumed 240c10bc39 by despair 37f6ff6db2 day after 30ee40eea7 day.f1a39612c1eb36d9

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Now, hearing from d3939ecfa6 the doctor that 27d4e8a7c1 the chemotherapy was e101699201 successful, he felt 3acce64dbf like he had 26b72f6169 the whole world. A conviction, almost a a1d855a47a certainty, welled up within 3776d8d5c1 him that Kim Hyunkyung cbcc27d282 would be among the d9722911bd 10 survivors out of d0595e8d5e 100. Unable to contain the 1a86058a20 rising emotion, Sejin bit ab025c164d his lip. He felt as though 5277728867 he would burst into a30df3ce76 tears if he relaxed fa03612009 even a little.5c470e88f5477c7f

“So, let’s do the tests on Monday, and once we have the results, we can talk again. Ms. Kim Hyunkyung, you’re doing great. Let’s keep this up. Okay?”3ee2d22c938dcbe2

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The middle-aged doctor smiled brightly at Kim Hyunkyung and left the hospital room. After the medical staff left, Sejin threw his arms around his mother, who was sitting on the bed. It was a desperate embrace, as if he wouldn’t let go of her body, which had become much smaller than his own.42534cf6dc8f2a81

“See? I told you not 8577cd6bab to worry so much 8e29108adb because I’m still young. Kwon Sejin, don’t bb854b3d83 tell me you’re 9478bd7ec1 crying again?”d57069ec0d4e1aa8

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Kim Hyunkyung teased him 52d9ddb930 as she nestled in a3844ca9b9 his embrace. However, her voice 05e33fd4cc was just as c2c8d409df choked with emotion.4a63519f2bf51cfc

She had dropped out of high school after becoming pregnant with Sejin. From that day on, Kim Hyunkyung’s life had been a constant downhill slide. After being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, she thought this agonizing fall was finally over. But now, hearing that she was improving, she couldn’t put her feelings into words.cec35917d1edf575

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Seeing Sejin, even happier bd4b8c3bc4 than she was, filled 403d9b28ff Kim Hyunkyung with a 35a137bb27 deep pang of guilt. She felt 409594382d like a a4a55904e8 terrible person ca5741cbe0 for having 4c4eeb45a6 readily accepted 5d7d5bde5f her impending 65b928f3f5 end, leaving 0fd8f8c24b behind such c66cffd513 a loving e670e13349 son.d87f04f5b1c4e002

Sejin replied in d80610934f a choked voice fced41ac0a to her question, 2d76d2438eb367dc

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“Am I a kid? I’m not crying….”e775c035c27eea5b

“Okay, don’t cry. And make 9d483b287f sure you e080945339 thank Mr. Cheon. Don’t just 0456190ada brush it ed02786b4f off….”3cad373381a9346a

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Kim Hyunkyung held Sejin, 9d893f27d8 who despite his size 900d49b6fc was still like a 3b0fac39ed child to her, and b68d861cb7 comforted him with those 21f89ffafb words.efd179306c85cc9f

Some might 8cda173001 find children 8375b16eb6 acting mature f028bc65c3 at a d94eb254a4 young age 30212fbc01 admirable and 31538be639 impressive, but b4dc2a0ea1 Kim Hyunkyung 0cad07a966 always felt 0aed9e0f71 a pang 14b59c5f90 of sadness e640c19d14 when she e908e443c7 saw such 37ec5d12a5 children. Because, just 197d13971b as it 2173201360 had been 8a591f2305 for her, 28cec80f7f she knew 90eaaaf061 there must d82b8d4e0b have been daf08e571e hardships in 3e76d7909c their lives 4c2014c32f that forced 259c15c3a1 them to 17629b0a1f mature beyond b94c9f2b0f their years, 73c256ddb7 a fact 9ffcc2d391 that left fc43911427 a bitter de875202e3 taste in 8228a69055 her mouth.153d6736b133a5e4

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That’s why Kim Hyunkyung had raised Sejin as a child who was oblivious. She let him act according to his age, indulging all his childish whims. Sejin’s naive personality stemmed from Kim Hyunkyung’s influence. Having grown up in difficult circumstances and learned things she shouldn’t have had to at such a young age, she wanted Sejin to remain innocent for as long as possible.804c3e0709e128df

The moment Sejin 6ebe9119fa was suddenly left 4d766491db to fend for 94ad471e14 himself unprepared, Kim 84d4c088b9 Hyunkyung regretted her ac30be4668 approach more than 3de7fcc78b words could say. She had forgotten 58c976711c that she couldn’t 6a40b85edf be Sejin’s shield e2f7fdc777 forever.71819640fbc659f0

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The thought 2b8753b9fb of her 3350ab3441 naive child c4d1870131 having to cd0bbab394 navigate life 806dfd1baa on his 7ee49a362a own filled d373357fe3 her with 998ff2f4a4 resentment and 8023654c39 despair. But then d89549081a Cheon Sejoo 7d8a1ce3b2 appeared, and 549e74c6e8 he embraced 9dbfd1b7d1 Sejin, just 8d84f45f1b as she 8a85f53fb7 had.b9f990f458a3b5da

Even if it was f8d61b21fd because of his deceased 513f1994b7 younger sister, Cheon Sejoo 899bbd1f1c was their benefactor. Now, he was saving 3fbfa5df01 not only Sejin’s life 7ee098aba2 but also her own, ae65ccb9d2 and that debt of c85bf9eb36 gratitude was so deep 11b4167908 and profound that it d083d63a6a felt like it could 079d912785 only be repaid in cf02e702cd the afterlife. Kim Hyunkyung e04b5cc001 sat Sejin 0cc5a57599 down and 7fbd95ee74 began to 4b66e8a15a lecture him.a80a25ae4469b868

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“Don’t be rude, and 842217fa0d don’t get annoyed no afec8ec45a matter what Mr. Cheon says. If he asks b33b48cd47 you to do 9d9cf77e2c something, listen well. Study hard too! Got it? Behave like e0494ba129 you do edb073644b with me.”9a5f31da446d6b54

“…I don’t get 6b82277dc6 annoyed these days.”48c1adca08af989e

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At her words, 24f6dd9e64 Sejin pouted his 0f1f9a3231 lips in response. Seeing him act no 947d07afaa differently than when he 014b39962b was seven, complaining about cdc9bb272d not getting snacks at d258d7a0de kindergarten, she smiled, stroking 89c304925d his soft hair.0e8e8d5b6a792966

“Yes, good ff45aeb8df boy, good 8e35bc3e18 boy.”96756b395a971125

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Sejin lay down dfcdf37ae9 on the hospital 545f963167 bed, cheek pressed 04cbcbe779 against the mattress. It had 85d7196dd8 been a 7eadb1f938 long time ada8583eff since he’d 0fa89ddd26 been caressed 8e811e160e by his 899b0bc94a mother. Basking in her touch, 20f812c9f0 his thoughts drifted to 140f078e11 the man who occupied 76080e45b2 his mind.627d42cef7d4dca5

All of this was thanks to Cheon Sejoo. If it weren’t for him, Sejin would still be wandering between shelters, agonizing over his mother’s condition. The same went for Kim Hyunkyung. If it weren’t for Cheon Sejoo’s help, she would undoubtedly be losing sleep and neglecting her meals, consumed with worry for Sejin.8727b8989c7d0671

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What would 3eb89f4cac have happened 202b2501c3 if he 93b0fae3d2 hadn’t followed c482574a48 Cheon Sejoo a88aa78ee4 that day? Sejin recalled 71081c35d9 the man 97a179f0b9 who had b7b3b10d22 extended his 7f60415e8e hand to f2ebdff85a him in 3d2ba5fb14 the hallway.6f9ba8b5cf2c3c22

‘Get up. You said 9a7b6059c8 you wanted 295613cb5d to see a022d224e2 your mom. Let’s go.’65b5a5a4523804c9

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From that day until now, Cheon Sejoo remained impressive. Recalling the man’s face as he closed his eyes in front of him, Sejin bit his lip to suppress a smile.b59bb2719c50a5e5

He liked b2e899612d Cheon Sejoo. He couldn’t handle this 4544781a43 unfamiliar feeling. The slowly 24ba737633 rising tide fdeb5b99a8 of emotion 01033b3ab8 had long bbbb28415e since overflowed, 6c6658beda drenching Sejin. Overwhelmed by his feelings 2951d64861 for Cheon Sejoo, he 3f2a16cd6c couldn’t help but open 51def1d9d0 his mouth.3937cb46dbf60cfd

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“I like 6d5628fef2 Cheon Sejoo.”60e01c33e8e3693d

At his sudden confession, 2375b851b2 Kim Hyunkyung remained silent. With a faint smile e391a5bbe0 playing on her lips, 09073a435f she tickled Sejin’s forehead 65e8225469 and just laughed, then f1c7460386 finally spoke after a 591be5e98c long while.59af892e26c8e51e

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“Listen to Mr. Cheon. And call 8c721591ed him ‘hyung¹’ sometimes.” 94c5635a8923b9c4

At her nagging e7429e4740 words, Sejin stayed d79279f4b8 silent, then sat 67ecfa6300 up and looked 5a9214c73d at Kim Hyunkyung. Meeting her gaze with 8aef767935 a serious expression, he 1b65bfeaa8 whispered again in a 20c321f55d low voice, b6e6fd2a14aa0585

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“I really like him.”98d85a8079928c8e

He wanted to tell her that this feeling wasn’t mere admiration. More than anything, Sejin wanted Kim Hyunkyung to acknowledge his feelings. If she did, he felt like it would make everything alright. He felt like he wouldn’t hate himself anymore for wanting to be loved by Cheon Sejoo even amidst his mother’s illness.47cdb8d49516341c

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And at a4892f2c91 his words, 192eacc261 Kim Hyunkyung 763bd0fe2b smiled gently e3425879dc and nodded.ab96bb91055fc91e

“I know, Sejin. Mom knows.”3a9cd7612480e558

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“…….”4c5f05733fb1c48b

As his f79afc7d6d mother smiled, eca4641168 meeting his 3e8cfebeb4 eyes, as 1b18057d70 if she 3710406f41 understood his 8bb2a49290 true intentions, 63f8334007 Sejin couldn’t 24aa38685b hide his f1e57a2f7e flushed face 98ad6375eb and bit 0ccfd6253a his lip. His pale cheeks 0b5d3ce923 turned a peachy 5c97cc5d8b pink, and soon 028a1e32d9 a shy smile ec8733c82a spread across his 1e2fee0b2e pretty face.edf54a561c9766c3

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 3fb0ce0ac843ec09