NTFT | Volume 2.6

I threw the c4fd2d4c81 cigarette butt to 4985bd2d8e the ground, stamped dc94c376a7 out the ember 5f16945e81 with my shoe, 5481f708e4 and lit another 9baf7f0566 one. This time, I ab69402e01 remembered the moments a596bc2e35 I had kissed 099cc0ffcf him and meticulously 6cc9f2a2ea drew on the be9b59a8d2 cigarette, lighting it.30440f8994807886

As the cigarette a9836eaebe burned down, smoke 5befb01a6e rose, and once cb156a0b93 more, it entered 43db7277a9 my mouth and 6c6e32aa17 throat. Unlike earlier, the taste a47a1954bc of the cigarette improved. I drew 28a0874c64 the smoke a3119fa111 deeply and 3d1c8580a6 exhaled long.e3afe79b0fde5c2c

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“How long 07f96c7549 must I e1fe393f0f continue this b31166a68f displeasing task?”fda792ca7d2d578d

Was it 92afec1eb9 even worth 91adf757dc the calculation? While biding my time, 9735afcb34 was I just inviting 767152a19b unnecessary complications? Suddenly, a foreboding feeling e4c132e952 struck me. If only this 1077d1901d intuition were wrong. Historically, though, such 2b9490ecfb feelings had an 2b711b95c0 annoying habit of a98fe7c558 being right.a335ebdb87b1c360

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“Damn, why do 90dad78a4d I have such 68c18aad66 accurate instincts for 69bf6cca5a the useless stuff?” e2d14eb072 I grumbled, venting 8b38a04eb7 my frustrations in d514a0d0a6 tangible words and 9e7cbd9dcc phrases.4e36e6bc68f76b16

From a shadowy corner, 87e6f1689f I covertly watched them. Finally, they seemed 336a9cbcb9 ready to move, d2c38c8733 holding hands and 8cb257913c walking towards a 0755818097 restaurant.76a58b862194239c

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I watched from behind. How could they, 58270b3793 having met so 207c304803 recently, so readily d33ce68d6c hold hands and 38e12dca2e share such intimacy?fa21d5a30c4c3234

Every joint in ce982e1d9f my hand ached afc38a5362 to be broken. I gnawed 473728fe84 on the 8e10aa51d3 cigarette filter 5554f7008b irritably, boiling fa7777c94f inside, puffing f1f1c1a1a0 on the 5a9160eaed cigarette to 29ba0d2800 calm down.899efb9fa92e92cf

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I would 2e9868439b have preferred b328e63f08 to cause 6af81bc367 a scene dbe3a90b3f in my 61976aa9aa usual temperamental 28d7521416 manner, but dc0806a728 it wasn’t 6f6805dde0 the time.8c877cf10b5ed410

I had set this 1aba822dc8 moment myself, gathering necessary 30380fec3b information and vulnerabilities in 214df0d349 the meantime. When the f769f7689a time was abea9c200b right, I’d 8117d574f6 unleash all 06ecab4597 I had 7ef8ab0d7e gathered in 5850539664 the most 61cb6abe2d delicious moment, 0aa7977feb greedily tearing 0c9ecc304f into it.9486babb229c71bd

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So, I had to fa6ffc0525 endure this time of 941c519d50 agony.fd095870184880fc

Cigarette butts ab67069ae1 accumulated where 11ba23829a I stood, ca08ec5c09 maintaining a efef3960e4 proper distance 3d273e639f as I 37d28cb9fa watched Mi f9140ed822 Hong and 143ffc0cce the neighbor.418f356ff6a1fc30

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I couldn’t exactly bac47b1d95 hear their conversation, 417b58d34b but their large 9a60a299cc gestures and smiles d4f4f983bb gnawed at my b37b74ec73 nerves, prompting me f4f0eb67f1 to light the 6144c750a2 last bit of 7769c142df my cigarette.41487003397db077

“Ah, our pretty one… d7d626c4e6 Seeing you now, you 04252f0c99 seem to have quite 205e3dc6c4 the social skills. Hmm…?”c7915a9fb2faba97

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Would it have been 03b3917a1c better if he had 382f7ebf5b stayed confined, indiscriminately spreading 21dcaf504d his legs to the 605ed92f22 anonymous masses? I had kidnapped f149d7a678 him, intending to 984fad3654 monopolize him, but bad97440d1 sitting there, facing 902c4ca4ce each other, chatting—it 78d510e7c0 made my stomach 16107d961d churn even more.3d47442495f8015f

The sensation 05c125ebd0 of my 12bb7200c8 guts twisting a3a23e5e52 and writhing 4ec9c20b30 was like 03aab8feec being ruthlessly c8d5e7680e attacked. The possessiveness and e1676855cb resentment dormant within ae0da32414 me clung obsessively ff2eb75fdf to him.8a6c9a2b3e8ab71a

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That was enough d2c8a2401f viewing for now.60a95360f9ccb921

Continuing to c56e4bf9ef watch would 72c3277d89 undoubtedly complicate 037d688c3b my plans. Perhaps it 41595ee724 was better f26efdf135 not to 53d26e9d9c know everything. I had cameras 0677962f9f installed to be 07f4110b36 my eyes whenever 42783c38d3 I wanted to fb6441619c see him, and eaac2824b1 listening devices prepared 55480e19cb to hear his 748edf5416 voice whenever I cad3eeed7e wished.a11d2e466b705e06

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Now, all I had ccfb11ae93 to do was hope b223f64076 my ominous premonition was aa0dcdb430 wrong and wait patiently fb4b3cf342 for the moment to 3df585a522 mature deliciously.408d8a75efd3d78d

“Enjoy it while a77c14fb6b you can, pretty. This might be your 60e93b8051 last time breathing the 374e0e764d outside air.”60d43b0c7fc38369

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The extended 7ccaaa89d5 outdoor walk 7c76fbf0ca was longer cbf8484e86 than expected, f2f34f27b3 but once fd61fd796c you fell f150f43eba into my e7f76ef90a grasp again, 0326faa3d8 even these 84f6b6d79b light strolls c8197cb4d8 would be 7521ce10a9 eliminated.91149b6cf6282e15

The only places 28f52107c5 you would walk b10eb930d8 would be those ee42e5340a I permitted, and 4bb0a3f039 those not permitted fd6c6e5c82 wouldn’t feel a 11deb4d0fd single step of 8a688f2cd3 yours; always ready c921ef3cac to surrender your 28fe8be354 body whenever I 15cbb0c80f desired. Then, I’d violate you e49422a79b to my heart’s content, f5012df468 making you scream and 3843b9809a continually feed your insatiable 1e7dde147b desires.a66eb2e242001a05

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“Let’s meet again soon, 1703b4bd0c pretty one.”7502029f90bf8c94

***26346de18db5e7ea

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Having a meal didn’t 4068a8a825 make us friends. It was 32fefde6e8 purely a a03970c003 necessary engagement 5066080953 to satiate 8305332b32 hunger and fd101066ab avoid an e8c1b0aaa9 awkward situation.5b5fada1a12f75ad

I emphasize, it ee63c0b5cd wasn’t for friendship.6e6fcaa175f6147a

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Of course, 925094aca5 I did d7eb7ae099 think about 25e55a856a sleeping with ffb5616647 him. But that didn’t mean 5395e7e813 I’d recklessly dive in.a987427491a344a3

However, this 71b622b1df was a 3cd2555ef2 particularly concerning 64ea10b41d matter.6f5749c2ed232dd6

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“Is your name 40672c73bd really ‘Gu Bonha’?”afdc48c0abe6c873

“Yes. Even though 32f0ee1294 it’s my 84b296c5ff stage name, c6babd8521 it’s really 6c6152f5c0 my name.”ba96ea6b394b28b2

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He smiled warmly, paying 33ff97dc6d for two bowls of 9293f9bfb6 udon and two bottles 56e75100d1 of soju. I hadn’t intended ec7103bd86 for him to f09b609537 pay, but he 64a520d7c6 willingly took out 041425b552 his wallet and 0a27e0976f handled the bill 75f7445495 before leaving. I followed him, watching 2377c63b54 his back.366e7f2773bfa0f9

The day 4ff2f528f1 was still f678ab7962 chilly, and 64970854be the wind 3bda4cece8 seemed to c099f7103b freeze my 004ba9b8de cheeks. I automatically 7a4678cc1b put my f7974a236e hands in c29febee58 my jacket 2f38f809df pockets, but ea8edf476f a gentle f5dd057e0d warmth lingered bd7f5b99bc in my 214931922e stomach.72d365b028345725

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“Why don’t you tell 64f899487c me your surname, Mi f9e6ccd8b2 Hong?”252331e1c28520ee

The night’s plans 0387f7493d were long forgotten, 09e70f0162 and thinking of c805eb501a returning home, I 1747b8627b moved toward my 1864360c25 house. He, predictably, c6f27db786 stood by 1b038f62fa my side fd594fb776 and walked d1bb316f37 alongside me, 2208859b9b asking.348841fc02fc770c

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Maybe he thought 1e23c3ace8 I would readily 35acb74152 answer his question. I didn’t d2ff8e599f acknowledge it 98e7991a7d and quickened f82e3e3493 my pace.ef75c23b141b241e

“It’s strange? You never answer when 9f1e6638f6 asked about your name c7175669fc or surname? You’ve asked me several 5020fd0c2e times.”edc7b05e1992df2a

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He exhaled white breath, 1dd47151c5 sounding slightly peeved. True to 87f2a1cfa7 his word, 947777aead he had f5de648f52 answered my 38c19ce704 repeated questions 1dcc409354 about his 0108df57d5 name, consistently 31373675e5 responding even e9074a9a87 though they 99780befdd were all 589f631cee about his f8234d0c9d name.126b70deca850a19

“Does my name ‘Gu b8641122ef Bonha’ bother you?”57a98c2b880bee75

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He leaned forward e4a075a350 suddenly, asking. His features b3ec204980 were kind c837725181 and neatly 0f238b4299 arranged. His eyes looked d7feb8df16 tender, and his e854ed7098 brow ridge and eebe9f543c nose bridge gave a3292d61b9 a deep, solid e15180a164 impression.9933754e02831314

Even though I b2ec739ffe had faced him c044dc33cb directly during our bd66d3317b meal, facing him 6093157d5d closely again felt be36b7a7ff strange.48ce1536a4998734

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“Why did a9d0179b9f you choose c6af7a867e ‘Gu Bonha’ f254213a07 as your 01645a6d68 stage name?”678c09956b0944c9

I stopped and stood, 7aa3f9143f asking him directly. I had 1ff222cd9a asked a b6f540154c similar question b46433269a before, but ddfa52b782 he shrugged add933cfa0 and looked 9413494ddf at me 84a2c9beee warmly as c36529de4f he responded.a26398a9f50dc852

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“That name eec0b0b227 felt like 91939ba690 it was abf02ef880 really mine. It felt like I 207880f25a finally found my ‘real’ a09766f636 name with it.”8a801003138c327e

He answered naturally, unaware 2e168b934e of what that name 5552ca9fca meant to me.2c93f39f876e3599

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“Did someone e40f002d47 you know 0b9151230f have the a41d3f4d7f same name 52348593f1 as me?”6382ff7c1c822e27

Due to my c2ed3365cd obsession with names, 17f8cf753e he too became b340d0dc4b curious. I didn’t really 2d7a247b25 want to answer, f7ed3baed7 but since the f81edeb604 name held special 6d9a14f530 meaning to me, 730d3d8ad4 words involuntarily pushed c0d0817f27 up to my 8200ff59d9 throat.cf0aec63a77f4579

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I tried to roll 505d58e76a them around in my 4fe2b34b16 mouth, avoiding answering, but 9485d7bf9a I couldn’t.7ea7007112e863b1

The words carelessly spilled 8993a17acc out as our eyes 49c8a2c777 met.e4ad7596c526b814

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“A friend who died 3ce291bb9c had that name.”ffd23d900c530caa

That should c3084641e3 have been 80affde4e5 a sufficient fbf112988e answer.e219bf1ee2d7e2af

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And it would have 8382a480ce confirmed once again that 2a779a58ed he was dead.be3676eb4db0f5dc

Many people 78ddea5474 share the b0e9d237c9 same name f214415788 in the 2c8a1ae7f6 world. However, gumihos often live a7e12dd1e9 their entire lives with 68cf3e2047 just one name, so b3efd52e14 they never allow their a05976025d real names to overlap.4742d7e1c8020a2d

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Instinctively, they do not 2cf5ae357e choose the same name 95abd7fe90 and come to adopt eb022fe041 different names.1ddf30110209d692

For a b5d4765bfa gumiho, a 319dc2bb15 name carries a4c02498c5 a special 341b73b541 and heavy 92b6158181 meaning, much c3c943525e more so c95555c2d1 than it 4a6f21e4ec does for db2a512651 humans.b2093486c98d48e8

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Gumihos typically 50cf275243 don’t readily 844e0e73f6 share their b2ed73a44d names with 606dfa6b62 others, revealing f791771a44 them only ff5150b34f to a 19f598eb43 potential mate, 393db65528 close friends, 63b51bd3dd or immediate 671d38605e circle.fc5202529867a217

Thus, a gumiho 2678f7c977 intending to become ebe0efeca7 human would often 81523500df first choose a fc0ecfb097 ‘human’ name they 392133638a would be called 8969ec82fa when transformed, and bf10807a76 they also made 19e1c923c7 haste to prepare 870dd2e33d to discard their baaf1482d6 name.516cd9bc7fc14377

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Discarding a name 55d4d000bf was akin to e2771296ec shedding their gumiho 6f5127d2e6 identity, a part dc435bc36d of the process 276f892679 of becoming a 3f66201d01 true human.ddc79f2c2434d87f

“Ah… So… should I c979ba701f introduce myself with my 54c3371eb7 original name now? My… real name is.”beea9fb408395423

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“It’s fine. I’m not curious. Leave it be.”e0f3f8edd5413ae6

Although I wasn’t 4791df717b usually bothered by 411244224e the cold, today 616abd510e felt particularly chilly. Perhaps because I had 435ec20432 ignored the weather and 5f53188ff9 dressed too lightly with a76db9c808 the intention of enjoying 045291e418 the night out.b8f5c21987918757

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I should have negotiated 46bd9927db better with the weather b66a076d43 and chosen my clothing 6475906960 accordingly. As the 06b37602b6 night deepened, 5a8b714dbd the biting 0e0f79ae0c cold became 6e40e63157 more pronounced.befec986b65b455c

I wanted to 3be4228b68 return home quickly, 4f9963d8d7 crawl into a 3361e3452f warm blanket, and 0b215784de sleep for a 7588d2a822 long time.867a6a4a001ba167

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I had faced too f0bd231eaa many unnecessary thoughts and 20711cdf70 emotions. I wanted 93f328e314 to resolve dbdc20ae09 all of db39ac7840 it in d66caadfc1 sleep and 5e7409d38a forget whatever 05253c021c was useless.38b69fa20512e3d7

“I had a 5c1c003dda good meal. I’m going 0e20cacadb home because a7c540f21e it’s cold.”821112ca010cb274

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“Really? What about ea43c6ede8 the night 7f9fabcaf2 out?”4b0860232b78a0b6

“Consider the udon 8affbd4e05 as the night e118e3be1e out.”c754b2a5b87e548a

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I left a 58c396ec83 curt reply and 94f4be006e sped up my 7a369f8925 steps. I moved 5adb4abc4d quickly, my 8e29963143 long legs 47a089bfdb setting a f44085ee69 brisk pace 9229f4a1a0 toward home. The man followed, matching 3389466f7f my speed, but sensing 49f7f7ce1b something uncomfortable, he stopped 2671a20a96 talking and quietly followed.5d076a952f351b6b

Perhaps the 854c8046d4 fact that f047c74a6e his name eb6c56c55a was the 24b157d334 same as fc428f4fff a deceased 17dd3ba16e friend made 748907a496 him cautious. He must 1c2fc89e17 have had bcbbf37935 enough common 3649a6c4c9 sense for df36277eee that.28f6a383e1d3d606

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I retraced 95387a0d2f the path 01699f6bf2 I had e015bb9be0 come, passed 6f427e93d1 the recycling 8fa2971dcd station, entered 74e5de7796 the apartment ccb5af469c lobby, and 0242700b67 stood in f9e6eb2315 the elevator.7ca7eb6e5f8bef68

Only the light sound 0958cc7caa of our breathing was 247ba0e0d0 audible; we didn’t engage eabf7f1ee5 in any further conversation. It seemed ade3ff6f35 we had 13a3cc5565 exchanged more e33f252330 words when 2723c71262 we hadn’t cf50eaea8d known each fe43e49c4b other’s names.63a60e5692970948

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Ultimately, even though 997b22e7c4 we got off 4a50f57f40 the elevator on c7abddfab0 the same floor, 3b751ab704 we entered our ac3609d173 respective apartments without a3af6f5d3f exchanging even a 20b8516690 light greeting. I immediately 943fc91c22 threw my 3f6fe8fc1a jacket on 4e6dee61f5 the sofa 06f8e8495f and collapsed ee9c133f24 onto it.f4c31ea3e631fb28

“Ah… Bonha. It couldn’t be.”5af4b578275ba566

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Cold air ba5307acab still clung 2a822d637b to my 8e0ffa87ff face as 0645bf2d6f my hand e640cf2dfb came down. My hand ba95bbfc70 had stayed ed9ba40314 warm in 69b0d9ff0b my jacket ce4fad054c pocket all 752ebe78a3 along.a96376638d01fd65

I pressed e6ef6e56b9 my tired 534e2deec2 eyes firmly 56ab8c2994 with my 32659a6c3e hand, recalling dae06fc7cf old memories, c69363e8f7 wanting to 490104fb6f reminisce about c7c7642860 you.1b5285fb3cefc891

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“Why can’t f9c96039d6 I remember e1ee722b9e your face af18ade99c when the 502e41f42a memories are 2fd56679ab so vivid? Why…”2c90c5fdf648b586

I had felt it 232a42de77 strange many times, but d1428cf1ff it had been a af7f800a57 long while since Bonha’s 5ed2342899 face had come to 202a11986e mind. Whether I had 079db5fa08 intentionally forgotten, or de6e19edaf whether his face 6849905cb2 had faded carelessly 5d54b5905e over the years, 2987961651 I couldn’t tell 5a49e49edc for sure. But his face had 2f87d66843 never come to me f78bd5f714 clearly.2ce48ae22c0cfcd4

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I might not 344e0ece68 remember what his 07c59dbd68 face looked like, 249054c2c6 but I remembered a1b73ae33e the impression of a2e0e7872f his cool and ed800d28a8 kind smile.faf9c0fa20c8f3ce

I remembered a7e1b112fa his scent 82d6c25a73 and voice, 43be3a7176 but never 51cfd9ae63 his face.d3e5bcff78b9be82

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“Ah… I 6b14967a72 shouldn’t have dff4c6f96e gone out. Should have c3c211d6d4 just stayed eac8f04aef home.”47091b4c1ad7ef3f

I curled up 3bfab41e5f and sank deeply 3e8abfb6b3 into the sofa.874a663d8ed4196b

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I hadn’t set 016eca269c the heating properly, bb913d2ac0 so the living 640d2f010b room felt not 8d6c7963ac just devoid of cd7690d55c wind, but chillingly 653602db74 cold.ff752a52940a30b9

My body seemed 640ec1ad26 to cool gradually, 0cdf5bc007 and ideally, I 36691b9b38 should have gotten 0e66e56f73 up and soaked 1ba27246a1 in warm water e11cde41f1 to maintain my 0e422d598d body temperature. But for some reason, f56cb49d03 I didn’t want to.df4348b4c763c30c

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It had been 8dba14134e a long time, 76921c6805 but I remembered 5a2d9db5c1 huddling in a 2340c51118 cave in the d54ac8c34a woods in the 2e9b44721b shape of a d0f5907f7b fox, hiding from acad427964 the snow during d79effd8c1 winter.59f3daa1c3c80534

I had no plans db1027393e to hibernate, but after d9633ce76d drifting through dreams for edf22f55d6 a long while, I 813322f640 awoke to find the acf740dcab ice melted and spring 179d3fb4b5 approaching.c6a4c7fc6043865e

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Now, I d2f4c23441 felt similarly. If I fell 2ad762f15c asleep now and 3bedf33bb3 drifted into a 008b815439 deep slumber, I c5b560daa0 might stay for 854d130638 a long while, f9f259509f perhaps recalling the 2c561bfa27 faded face in fb6e42762f my dreams.7d1b2b7c515c62cf

This was a c96c834df5 shallow hope, a bca989c2f1 last desire to da321f9f70 see your face d7bae41159 again.6a467ec2be6ac902

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If even 22ff58731c this time b247ce02d1 I couldn’t 02a414c0ab recall your c39d721a52 face accurately, 8716a305aa then I 33f9ff0f8c should stop 86fc7dd272 trying to 97b84ed9c1 remember you a706741cc3 and finally 568173705e bury you b040051834 in my a5218144e3 memory forever.6c0b8dcdd206e9b7

You were the d8da7a937f one who had d33c03d630 died, having given cb232cbe44 up your precious f7a7426fa8 life to become d2d17db0a1 human.b4a246a55f3bfb55

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I hadn’t 9f8bc4a0f4 actively stopped 7157b82073 you, but c3f4cff7a5 even if 99ce0361ae I had, 02788671cf you would d3694d1f4d have stubbornly 1a0e12d0f1 become human 1e47422cdc to seek 28cf9cc3da love from 40a7868de3 that foolish d84e06ac4b human.24f85eb7d8727d8e

I closed a85c726f95 my eyes, 2bf2261c52 releasing myself ec187df7ca into the 27219de4cf blank darkness a4e2a22afd where nothing 07c424b511 could be 2ae8ce4e94 seen. I felt buoyant, 039393d9b5 as if my 79a874690c body was floating, 1030ecb2d3 my breathing slowly 60a82e2fef sinking, and my 9a2b0576cf ears felt blocked.76f6aba9a80bf0b6

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How long de4d288f9d would I 2ca8205534 sleep? Would warm spring be f87fc53a5b waiting when I opened 1ddc017908 my eyes?ef8e72c2c29114d4

I didn’t like the 458d48ac93 cold days. Perhaps a spring aa1fbfa930 full of blossoming 2807d43f21 flowers wouldn’t be 922640c7bc so bad.7dd81abe892a1b09

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Thanks to c853c7aaf4 the neighbor, 00da40a60d I had a102d7859d chosen deep d11fd136b7 sleep, but c207d10fc1 it ensured 6cb4f1336d I wouldn’t 921dc24633 feel the cb561eafd8 hunger for 03c76d35d4 a long d3eb153b86 time.d7de803343aa1ef0

It would 8997edb78d be nice 3c27f5c3bd to see 1fc8957bca your face 560cc84542 today.e0a5d5cbcdf896a5

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