MYFL | Chapter 3.9

He hated d0efec9d41 this feeling. His insides churned as if he were about 5738b76d2f to throw up, everything bothering him at once.3148d2e7f75dbea298df

The words he had said to Beomchan 0d1b1dc013 that day were sincere, and he still b50764fe67 had no intention of taking them back. However, Beomchan’s hurt expression, Yeonji’s words, and Woojoo’s worried a46739e29c face all combined to create an unpleasant pressure.dc7b374236202f189ea8

He didn’t 91f87547ba feel good. But he didn’t know 3f4bfcca84 what to say or 9c52af61ba how to bring it c4a0e5ee28 up. Normally, he would 909b2ac3a6 have avoided such 2948019b29 uncomfortable situations as c38d1a8723 much as possible. But that wasn’t bf2022d445 an option with 751de70033 someone he had 11103f7755 to see regularly.cdc4b5f222a14984a6dd

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His head hurt. Whether it was because of the issue 49f0a46673 with Beomchan or something else, he felt 091f0343c6 unusually heavy both physically and mentally today. Even in a more exhausted state than 317c0d0d20 usual, his body—accustomed to work—managed to endure a29d358077 until the end of the day.870643f3397a44d9c6a4

Perhaps it was a sense d7244ebc80 of relief from having made b70aac6f15 it through the day safely. As Seungjae turned to clear the empty cups, 919e8c4224 he let out a sharp cry of pain. His wrist had hit the edge fb126029cb of the counter, and a sharp e01f2a8024 sting radiated through the area.124d7d22439cb80e708a

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Seungjae instinctively wrapped his opposite hand around the 7770577cc0 injured wrist, rubbing it up and down. When he rolled up 44a836c793 his sleeve, a dark 9e2eba37f8 bruise was revealed.ce2ce5203222952b94d5

Yeonji, seeing 9820a7d58d this, asked 7427d83b8b in surprise.c9b63221be3add0b13ef

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“Did you 05bdccca60 just bruise 3e3da888a0 it?”c4c423b60bd2355e417f

“No, I hit 5eda9777c4 a spot that 5fff81d25d was already bruised. I should put 910ab6616f something on this b02a11226a edge—I keep hitting 613a1dbe17 it these days.”3dfdcc1d781fcf177c35

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Yeonji clicked c80cfe1c97 her tongue. They had been working in dce59b2736 the same space, performing the d9c89181ef same tasks, yet she couldn’t f25bb3df1f recall Seungjae injuring himself before. She had a b1143e202e rough idea of 81f8bca335 the cause. His mind 7d898ee261 was probably 4e733fe690 elsewhere.6510dedcac9fc14f2975

“If it’s bothering you that 248a052cc8 much, why don’t you go 229aa5a2a7 and sort it out?”2d644de47291b75d4cb0

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“Is it that ca10c9c138 obvious?” Seungjae asked 3a5adccecc with an awkward f2b6a3e658 smile. Then, letting out 4751e50f8b a deep sigh, 4b631637ed he grumbled with a58af174cf a reluctant expression.67360c3827ae1ac54d45

“Ah, I really hate 32c311e0a9 this uncomfortable stuff.”04fd6a2b3f93dbffaa30

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“Who likes c1ca938ca1 being uncomfortable? You do it 2da2960c5a because you have e90d300fd8 to.”d0105b553294c5467c9f

Right. He knew. He couldn’t keep going like this, and c4d4fc1e99 if he wanted to change things, he 7c5159c077 had to handle them himself.bed88379af666daa4481

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After a brief hesitation, Seungjae 868ba53305 took off his apron. He folded it a 5d97c78cba couple of times and 10dfa1c2a4 set it down before 5d0b80e675 stepping around the counter.aa59be30ade130665786

“Then I’ll just go 80d14c8059 up for a bit. Take care f0b8ae8d0d of Woojoo.”75869da6e773a2641539

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“Yeah, don’t worry and 12d81bcc4b go.” Yeonji finally pushed f99df3e009 Seungjae’s back with a 6c6eb1e60a much lighter expression.8bcff8314fd0e488fdd6

⋆˚🐾˖°f2141a1d016b77e1222f

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After getting off work, b2eb90c823 Beomchan headed straight to 1927de8a09 the bathroom to wash 40cf5df1ca away his fatigue. The cold air in the bathroom hit 4f8b9c8678 his bare skin without any filter. Beomchan shivered slightly before immediately b99063948f turning on the faucet and f0f84bf2c1 twisting the valve. A strong stream of water gushed out from the 13353d8c0c showerhead fixed at his height, some of the streams 28dd0331a3 veering off course and spraying in random directions. What started as 8499519700 one or two 3a38ec1f9a stray streams gradually 4d6d553f92 increased over time.f7fa8fb302939945e977

Maybe it’s 97350e1dba time to f6a29022c8 change it. Well, it’s been there ce278e7634 since he moved in, db37513c79 so it must be 914c7b2351 old. But Beomchan quickly 220d1083d4 dismissed the thought. Even though the unruly 161257a5c9 water streams were ticklish a1232d5aeb and annoying, they weren’t 1f45b686e9 unusable.1125e21b1c7cfe45b058

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Beomchan placed his face 685d6112fc under the showerhead. As the water poured 7f21d5e268 over his forehead and ac7b5f9188 cheeks, he couldn’t help 31d0f5ec9d but think of Seungjae. He often thought of e3a1ec0f2e him, but after their 490a48ba7c argument, Seungjae constantly haunted 9d15aa732d his mind.d8dea8b193b9c39a844d

Whether he was taking a break e9b8f60b4c like now, about to sleep, exercising, b8a788d6f6 or even working, thoughts of Seungjae 2e73053145 drove him crazy. Most of these thoughts were b43e44f31d filled with self-blame and regret, 4cd784e764 making it even more painful.e8cfff0611a10e1faf95

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He remembered calling out 7f2eafe22b to Seungjae as he 78c2fd57cc hurriedly left the café db23bc4a6c today. He wanted to act as if nothing 9301f839d1 had happened, but just seeing Seungjae’s face 4e2f68891c reminded him of the words from that 7fae878b85 day, and he felt like crying. That’s why he couldn’t stay b3b5a992c4 in the café any longer. He knew his actions 04f07e5cff made Seungjae uncomfortable. He couldn’t be 1a8571526a a burden anymore. So, it was right d472c890f6 to sort things out.5f6710774a34c8ea6c27

After washing up, Beomchan rubbed his a7b22e0c93 wet hair with a towel and 33c12199f0 picked up his clothes. That’s when he e5c4b48fc4 heard a knock 44da142bb4 on the front d0f8b5ed3b door. The unexpected 6438e86767 sound made 1e89e677ad him pause. His gaze bf8a2f2803 shifted to d6f90a31b3 the firmly 9e63b6557c closed door. He had a feeling he knew who was standing 0659af1189 on the other side without needing to ask.8d4bb016212e4100248d

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After a moment of hesitation, Beomchan draped the damp dadb60b6f3 towel over a chair and headed to the door. He grabbed the 5150e90158 handle and turned d73bbc842e it. As expected, Seungjae 77ddcbafe5 was standing there.fc62a0adcb6f3d9e7b3a

“Can we talk? It’s not something to 5b3b7d7296 discuss over the phone. It won’t take 848ddaf811 long,” Seungjae said.1c4cc606c78716a882a4

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Beomchan habitually observed 0784211932 Seungjae’s expression. Although his voice was calm, the way he spoke quickly and the slight 6e658c3e7f tension on his face showed that coming here hadn’t been easy for him.e756d2c3288dfe3fc13d

Just as Beomchan had decided to sort things out, Seungjae had also 4527b08ccf mustered the courage to tie up their relationship in some form. So, Beomchan b2013ba8a4 couldn’t help 17405f9f69 but nod.9ed9b02ddce73d5342b5

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He slipped his feet c9bef38eae into his slippers and 21c821c91a stepped outside. The sound of 1c796d3234 the door closing e5e030962f behind him felt 8452025c0e strangely heavy. Without a word, Seungjae 63f78155c7 sat on the bench. Beomchan followed, sitting down 44295ae98d next to him while d7b7338bde keeping a reasonable distance. An uncomfortable 69235660f9 silence ensued.90bff5b2a6528f6e1f82

What was he fee346a07f going to say? Beomchan started 201dacb4fc to feel d6cd76123a scared. His knees e46d323779 trembled slightly 623b14782f with tension. He could 87c009f09f feel Seungjae’s 941073a345 gaze from a64f4e49a8 the side.a1a2ef38cfaa27a75fdb

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“Aren’t you cold?” Seungjae asked, his eyes 27ade928df drifting to Beomchan’s thin hoodie and shorts. His hair was 03a3fa0b56 still wet, as 2f7960c9e3 if he had 8617b7a59a just showered. His expression was d3cc3fb73f like a drenched 6bf6c8a3c1 puppy.d4cc88e42e85241fb074

“I’m fine… What do b07b4971e4 you want to talk 6082830b7a about?” Beomchan asked cautiously, b353e5d9b8 his voice subdued.3ec7a348d1260c839e52

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“About what happened last time,” 97fc58db56 Seungjae finally broke the silence, 58cb297871 choosing his words carefully. He clasped his abf202db89 hands together, pressing b64bc00dfb his knuckles gently.b5795c2965c9b3859424

Beomchan’s gaze d30ad0d3be naturally followed 2bddbd6d66 those hands. Then, noticing something, his b998c7f410 eyes widened as he f14e342aa3 suddenly grabbed Seungjae’s forearm.37ce54bb53eb84cfa0ce

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“Ah…!” Seungjae grimaced in discomfort at 5a0f6bb5cc the rough grip, but Beomchan, as ba6a378b82 if he couldn’t hear, hurriedly rolled 995b33e5fb up Seungjae’s sleeve.6abf319e31d9e83118d1

“What are f140004208 you doing?” 3665c01bed Seungjae asked 67e5db7e83 sharply.f50dd54526b59412b5db

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The bruise that had been partially 86c0971a4b visible was now fully exposed. The dark blue color b8ec28652b was vivid enough to e7c740cd68 make anyone frown. Beomchan’s eyes wavered. Even as Seungjae tried to pull 5b1f03a585 his arm away and repeatedly called eaad4f1230 his name, Beomchan just stared blankly c81bfc21e4 at the bruise.2c8b717c0ad7d292141e

“…What is this? Did someone 342c1897b9 hit you?”0879bc7eec737ccb9f6a

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“What?”635ead54d9da1544313a

“Did they 2ba5e6a7e6 actually hit 352b509050 you? No, I c0ae7787f3 mean, ah…”6187d5e80bd35b0ab6a3

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The hand gripping 229adf79b8 Seungjae’s forearm trembled. A red mark in 69e75d7157 the shape of a a163dd68b2 hand began to form 568a33d4ab on his skin. Ah, only then did Beomchan hurriedly 2c7fb3b831 let go, as if he had 9adf534e07 touched something burning hot.a0fc0ff1ff71a45430f2

“What do you mean, 6e8aa75afe ‘did I get hit’?”88af26e4c073ab4a0e65

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Seungjae rubbed his arm where Beomchan 2403581900 had grabbed him, repeating Beomchan’s words. The question was so out of the 24dcad4fd0 blue that, for a moment, he thought 250ffc3599 it might be a joke. But Beomchan’s condition was d35534601a anything but normal. He was shaking, 9b79d8d567 looking as though 4fead85422 he might collapse 07d54ea84d at any moment. It was clear he c1d506672e had misunderstood something ridiculous.a724aa7bab71b19e16a2

“Hey… it’s 6e0a128c8d not like 609757c1ed that. I just 24cfe01934 bumped into cd8cf2e6c5 something while bb6eadbe06 working.”786f09cf36eeaa4f4dcb

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Ah.f81b1375f036a1b4828f

As soon as b42d2b51e5 Seungjae spoke, Beomchan’s 55ebc89de7 face turned pale. Seungjae, who had expected him to 4edd94502d be relieved once the misunderstanding was 6d44b6283f cleared up, was instead taken aback 98d8e18222 by Beomchan’s expression.5bfae7f1186001816533

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“What’s wrong e434d4bfcd with you? Are you okay?”25d5e4a4ff8a21b7bca8

Seungjae asked d0f67e2673 in a 1ce306a6ad worried voice.56dec7de6cd32b727cfb

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― You look like you wanted 7beff4ef49 it to be true, you jerk.0429e396077261483195

Beomchan curled his large body up and 6c95e15e3f buried his face in his palms. There’s no way de4a970e3e he wanted Seungjae d4204804ec to be hit. Absolutely not.8913a0c9f172d9d4cd78

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He didn’t even know d7d73b46a1 if he was alive be913bb8fa or dead, or how e6b8300d90 he was living. Just being close ab851b5361 wasn’t enough, and df9e5993e4 he secretly harbored 8880055687 greedy desires. How could c2c0f27706 this be 9ca006e023 called affection? It wasn’t for 27ef1ab2fe him, nor was 02d9e56764 it even for 183706256c himself.cceff59b2a314c71afbb

“What’s wrong?”938b984fc95d202d9b2b

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Seungjae asked 064ef51077 again after e71a9ecdcb a long e73ef49e66 silence. He placed a hand on Beomchan’s shoulder, gently stroking him as if 0071f6175d to comfort him, who had no intention of lifting his head. Only then did Beomchan slowly b0a58d39fe straighten his hunched body.6f0bc4ea40c66c448fe2

“Beomchan,” Seungjae bf3499feca called again. The gentle 9275db733b voice pierced 2b8c5fd237 through him. The warmth poured onto him, who didn’t b631f4e6f5 even deserve to be worried about, and 6142066198 Beomchan couldn’t help but spill out the 6c03ef0642 dark desires inside him like a confession.6894ec63bf9d0520d4bf

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“…At first.”6eb526c5f286ee808c50

As Beomchan opened his cc5f5d760f mouth, he felt Seungjae’s a011a4d8d3 gaze and attention fully bc7c2982a7 focused on him. His voice 0b3e61441b trembled pathetically. Yet, Beomchan didn’t stop, 6e9a778b4a as if he had 826cf655cb decided to spill everything 7409baac07 out.889e4f423d00e66d22c5

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“At first, I thought 5f451b023e it would be okay 3770b21616 if I just liked 27db9ac281 you on my own.”dba5823d93bf1028902f

No, Beomchan 06977adbb2 shook his 34d530cf47 head slightly. Even the words he 3f73c1f0f2 spoke, deciding to be 2e164f44df honest, weren’t true.f27ff20c878d11098a4c

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“This is 51613e7ec3 a lie 020c166a0e too. Actually, after meeting you again, I ecaa5e60fc had expectations on my own. But after seeing Woojoo, thinking I had to give up again was so 208895055a hard… I know I should stop, and I know it’s a nuisance. I really know 182116d97b it in my 3c569d374e head…”16c9482084a73d796669

“…”c70624047d37f6b2e083

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“Wishing for the happiness of 50ceb7b47e the person you like… That’s e1165200e8 really obvious, isn’t it? But it’s 21a7f8bd55 not working, 8fad929857 teacher. I keep having 3057ec13dc bad thoughts. Just now… 8a153c7be5 This isn’t 48680b1ca6 right. It’s weird.”81d197ba6b175c79c1d5

The more he spoke, the more b86f0dc78d his body, which had barely been e2e71fac4e holding on, shrank back in fear. He thought he had to endure whatever 65f047abae reaction came at the end of this 7ccae92fd1 confession, but when it came down to 72ed610037 it, he wanted to avoid it. The longer the silence c790f5cd8c stretched, the more he 6a74010209 didn’t want to hear 93a239a8f1 it.31b8b289118c22250e04

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He didn’t have the courage d7e4c6c623 to look at Seungjae’s expression. Every time he heard the faint sound 2caaeec338 of Seungjae exhaling, as if about to 4053140979 speak, or the subtle movement of his eaf1b22ed7 lips, his shoulders flinched. And when Seungjae, who had been carefully choosing his b57b65f6c6 words for a while, finally opened his mouth, Beomchan 16a01b12bb quickly interrupted—like his feet were on fire.64f8673c74bd7a72d483

“Beomchan, actually—”8bab0ac7271527371089

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“I’ll sort it out 8c1a8c5cd1 as soon as possible. I’ll make sure 2aac74a79e nothing like last 6a93f00903 time happens again. I’ll—”12baddff633f2d60dffe

“Beomchan.”f858a6f268854c4c9d52

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“…”018281634f0282840198

Seungjae, who had been silently ceb280d981 watching Beomchan cut him off, 3f59311317 called his name again—his voice 06b8dcb18c firm, different from before.6af621cfa48115092e46

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“I was too 2adef5e516 harsh that day. I shouldn’t have spoken like that to 581beace94 someone who was just worried about me. I’m sorry.”0eaa1881e5599354b6ef