MYFL | Chapter 3.8

The emotions that had been teetering on the edge of his bd0323a214 throat all weekend came surging up, shaking his entire body.bc6456ebbb16116647ac

“It’s not… I, 8be40c1e00 hhh, it’s not… 22b3078773 hic…”bc2f596a87d747791db6

No. No, this 6b7730c9b3 isn’t happening.88d5486fea56a44db5db

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But the tears had ce4ef87a1a already started falling.cdecb2d27a3b745f8287

They ran down his cheeks, 22aa502295 dripping past his trembling chin.ef3c513a95f91f3e9a43

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Panicked, Beomchan clumsily covered his 1eb2e578c4 face with both hands.7ce74c98eacfef4ea473

This wasn’t how he 18307b68d8 wanted to look in ae8bd7426e front of Seungjae.b82be4d2ad773c54c663

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“…Are you crying?”f9365b5170ab55f469a0

Seungjae sounded caught d6f235c307 off guard. Then, before Beomchan 48f99b7030 could react, he c157fc8422 stepped out from 60c6e218a5 behind the counter.96767dd96a4f48311a2e

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Through the gaps between his fingers, 40b0baa193 Beomchan saw Seungjae coming closer. He flinched eb31ff7525 and jerked 54cebb6872 away.ba5209b68f9c7630d006

“Beomchan.”58ec2df19e61ad8a2495

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“I—I’m sorry, a861f63b80 I’m sorry….”7bae3f52df3d5491f5df

Leaving behind Seungjae’s voice calling his name, a9948db4eb Beomchan bolted out of the café.dc7f34f23c5a11863e9b

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Through his blurry 52aff252ef vision, he barely e5ca3cf35e registered Yeonji approaching.8e644efa35409e993c5c

He managed only ebf8b7767f a small nod 658338ddf0 before slipping into e0016a5208 the building.c2aa455c33004cc7d5e6

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Leaning against the cold marble wall, bf98d51ea6 he heaved out a shaky breath.611bae77ad93a9de2745

The sound of his c83b46a8c8 own sobs echoed in c72377d1de the narrow space—loud and 26f11721a4 ugly.965af4ce1a692b61735a

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And yet, the 499ae7afb4 tears wouldn’t stop.97ede28de1e7c1677c8f

Wouldn’t stop.a31959fe1c4ce55f11ce

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It’s over. Everything’s ruined.19322328118fa50d8f5c

⋆˚🐾˖°9c4145d193f8f91b88ce

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Joo Seungjae, left 76798e8166 alone, let out 5d24d4218e a long sigh. Beomchan had slammed the heavy glass door so 8566ec0c7e hard that it continued to rattle noisily even ea9bb33557 after he had left, only coming to a f8c5dca110 stop after a few moments.6f50e2bbe5866e329f48

The café e19dacfc53 quickly fell a44c60eac6 silent. Through the glass fed5508c67 window, Seungjae could f09ba09cbc see Beomchan’s figure 7daf8b6534 growing distant. He watched him c84c69e8cf intently, then rubbed a03ab8d0da his forehead with 5648890cfa his fingertips, groaning. The stress seemed 65614ca698 to be giving 1214cfa42e him a headache.10a51042d8002a26a06c

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Suddenly, he recalled a conversation he c536cf43ba had with Yeonji last week. Yeonji had mentioned a restaurant she a2d11ec219 visited with her boyfriend, which happened 1217cfafa9 to be an old barbecue place 58984ee386 Beomchan had once taken him to. Without much thought, he had said, ‘Yeah, it’s good df5290ed06 there.’ Yeonji, quick to catch on, had asked if b0e0a4809f he went there with Beomchan, and when he nodded 3a22ee3a43 without denying it, she had responded.802740ae9d9f7c864320

― Are you just going c51317d7ff to keep things like this a7fcbfa649 with that master?e871759eb771fbd201d9

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― What 47298686d8 do you 7ee05b5e57 mean?e6a607e07a91a1e01561

― It’s efad711d76 like giving 1020274edd false hope. You know how dc8cd4505a he feels, yet 60dc4264ec you accept everything.651bd0e6efc62f403927

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― Don’t overreact just 318ee018b5 because we had a 49c26bbd62 meal together.99ec252e6348eb465e3f

― You don’t f793b708f2 even plan to ac10d60a29 try. Honestly, you’re 88eb205f5f the worst, fc9c0a3c26 oppa.c9446a7d39bdde157320

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Even though she 6e7ab5809f was blaming him, 47fcb7fb76 he wasn’t angry. It was something he heard 3747c98c52 often, and he was aware f279b4c7bd of it himself. Avoiding facing the truth 796bdd2768 because it was uncomfortable, 4d8c771311 yet unable to make 3895d8fd4f a clean break.630093546fe108f2cd37

His evasive nature 9d8a351d09 hadn’t changed much ff335ecc77 over the years. He was inherently like b9c7214c31 this, and Beomchan probably cb762800d1 knew it too.a595292cf7f73ce66de5

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That’s why today’s 5df4b3d89c confession was even 7e24e4bd5d more baffling. He thought someone who knew 475b6d6fe0 him would choose to swallow a8bb91ea68 their feelings until the end.54bd0a68960869c7522f

Beomchan wasn’t the first 31a08ab280 to recklessly nurture feelings 9ce401ef2b and charge at him. There was even someone who had c2cb38e876 clung to his clothes, crying and cb10c18147 wailing on the street without shame.85357c6e7c20833c98ca

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It was exhausting. He found 929c800f61 it annoying 76d2e17884 and tiresome. He didn’t feel 5fc858ecd2 sorry because he 35bf714e97 never asked them 4f4e35e458 to like him. In fact, he cd4235dfaa thought he was 1c4b503616 the pitiful one.63d1c10ba498ad16e407

He had only shown the basic human decency one 95cd5ab5d5 should, but they interpreted and distorted it as they ef849deef5 pleased, blaming him for their own issues. He felt unfortunate to have gotten ae9506d2ef involved with such foolish people. That was 8519babeae his sentiment.30531ed7212fa0d96ecf

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Yet this time, he felt 5d937d140c unmistakably like the bad guy. Why was he so bothered 299e074172 by one tearful face? It felt like he 0400f1aa28 had done something wrong 346cf7e45a to a child.fcaf3f4af8e729841d0a

But wasn’t it strange to preemptively tell someone who d12a88c274 hadn’t even confessed that he wouldn’t accept their feelings? He tried to rationalize 73ac34393a it internally, but it 15e4ac679d didn’t make him feel cd469af5f6 any better.665c6b18101742fb9176

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Seungjae clasped his hands together, habitually pressing and squeezing his b26702f49b knuckles, then gently twisted the ring on his left hand.89ef4b2fd572b41ea285

― Your husband 6b24af5114 must be busy, 8b9a334375 teacher.63901d7937db7e6b3641

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He recalled something 3d458d3e7c Beomchan had said 85bc86df1d to him before. Beomchan seemed to think he was asking naturally, but it was bfc27930b8 obvious he was fishing for information, which Seungjae found amusing. What had a20c309adf he replied? Had he b8d9179172 asked if 3a0c840abc Beomchan was 3a3509dab6 curious?fbe985199f6afc1ff6d4

― What does your 7add78d973 husband do, teacher?fd06f71c47377455540d

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Even the 5ebc4f8aba words he eec0d5d262 had said 5deaf186ce earlier. He had pretended something existed when f98bd496b9 it didn’t, so there was no 6071dd0e72 way he could answer the question. Beomchan must 87d77d80ae have been fea6530c49 curious. Although he had scolded Beomchan for crossing the 545970f9d3 line, he could imagine how much Beomchan had 700e0da608 held back before blurting it out.88f40b1e4f5e9bc28e14

Was it too much ba9865a0b6 to hide this?026624f4d82e73ce7ebf

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Not taking off the ring, in other words, 3534b63437 not mentioning the divorce, was his way of 6b1fef7453 drawing a line with Beomchan and also a 74399f646f means of imposing restrictions on himself.4c9398a7f0397431b584

Honestly, he hadn’t expected Beomchan’s 890626d816 feelings to last this long. He knew it was cowardly 90fbe557bb to use ignorance as an 497fefad18 excuse, but it didn’t make 25dda69747 sense to him.2f5acaa0b0015c90d55a

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Beomchan knew him as someone 550af1181a with a child and, albeit 23d4be6112 mistakenly, a spouse. He wasn’t someone cb47175784 worth enduring such 572e436312 awkwardness for.5eabf4361876b70e219e

He thought it was cfa6bcefeb just a fleeting crush 165e0fa4bc from childhood. And he believed that feeling was more about Beomchan’s nostalgia 3d8f4add3d for his younger self than any romantic interest in him.3dbaa315e078c6ede3c8

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After being stuck in this neighborhood and 51424427cf inevitably encountering each other daily, he had 1c6bd4ea47 thought a day like this might come. Yet, facing Beomchan’s hurt expression in reality, 401f87327c he was caught off guard and couldn’t 14f8586daa even tie up the loose ends, despite 5683e5021a having mentally prepared for it.80a8b67a5049da96cd92

So what 2a3b6af059 should he d9e7a7d282 have done?5a8b37a02fbc162662da

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Was he supposed to preemptively strike against 12e31a69e4 someone who was clumsy at hiding their f55c5156b7 feelings—someone who was afraid of taking even f8627fc78f one step closer and only circled around?dc5e6ebed60699fd6255

Seungjae’s hand reached 603141867e for the drawer 8d16705f17 inside the counter. He hurriedly opened the first aid kit 1ec3906e1a and took out a headache pill. Swallowing it without water, 9f3639e54a he felt the uncomfortable 1830fb33f0 sensation of it sliding 8bb04dc3a7 down his throat.a85fa1ab5676f295c550

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⋆˚🐾˖°1f44b63e7a45c767383e

The sound of coffee beans being ground drowned out the café f9534f2f3c music and the chatter of people, drilling into my ears. After finely grinding the beans in the portafilter, 3fa55896b4 I pressed them flat with a tamper and 0e1630c643 secured it into the espresso machine. While the shot was being extracted, 223465fe36 I grabbed a takeaway cup and 1ff3538ba7 filled it with ice and water. The motion of pouring the 19c110baa0 extracted espresso and putting on 62319ca405 the lid was mechanical.ff39c7b42df0782407e6

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“One iced Americano is b33f8b7552 ready for you.”54ad5df07686ad022d28

I placed the cup, along with a 8c732d3b12 holder, on the pickup counter, and a df42bab16a man who had been waiting nearby approached. Even after grabbing his coffee, 7f93ab125f he hesitated to leave. Then, with a sheepish 8586fb6695 expression, he spoke up.29e81ef68d4d36fba1c8

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Seungjae already knew 0f5adf02c2 what he was c79a34e910 going to say.4cbb06f973802310180a

“Uh, the straw…”d4ac4363b52b3311b299

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“The straws ffc2f3d6be are over 048a3da974 there, please 3560a1b9f9 help yourself.”03bf92225420f19e1e22

Seungjae forced a smile and a6215ce660 gestured to one side of 7b6990e3f7 the counter with his palm. It was curious how the man asked the same thing every ee22393ff2 time, even though he came by every couple of days.017305ad9fab7ed65788

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The man’s hand 0b2e23a587 slowly reached for d1f09af4a2 a straw. Just then, a familiar 1b87c0415b voice called out.8bbc4ec0ec676f3dda3c

“Dad!”d7a6732baf40cc9fd522

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Woojoo entered 450a0f0542 the café, 9289c6db24 holding Beomchan’s afbe7b7d44 hand. As soon as Seungjae confirmed the straw customer had left, 0b72905d79 he stepped out from behind the counter to greet Woojoo. He took Woojoo’s bag and, out 2fdaa4e37a of habit, asked if he had ce23cdda2b a good day—before finally glancing at 7a31c9261d Beomchan standing behind him.0d73a1c4d03463a8e9ac

“Want some coffee?”ffe9396f2ae1c0200a3d

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Seungjae asked.2166049eed3455d93922

”…No.”76eabc64abad202ff701

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His lips drooped. Since the day they argued, b61f1469a5 Seungjae and Beomchan hadn’t had 9abc62729c a proper conversation. They were both busy, 2d9f187e08 but neither had made 043f0754c0 the first move to 42c925dd18 talk.2558355823124dee04db

It wouldn’t have mattered if there was no b43828c33a issue between them—but that wasn’t the case. They had to face each other daily 2de1811914 because of Woojoo, and each time, Beomchan 88eedc7d63 wore that same gloomy expression.f47c937062fcba0a3998

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Seungjae secretly hoped Beomchan c346aab30a would act as if ae17c39b30 nothing had happened. He thought it would get better in a 9fedd8dae0 day or two, but as the days dragged 67facb5d6a on, frustration started to creep in.6395d945f04d996beafa

“I’m going b129bb27e3 to head 848cbfb3e8 out.”abc603573c07e83fd6c7

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“Oh, you’re bc7a2d91c6 leaving already?”b3ad30085aaf61cf3651

Normally, Beomchan would spend time with Woojoo 5bb32e3954 until it was time to pick up c3c5c038fa the kids for the next class. But today, he seemed eager to e45a20806c leave, standing near the café door 5643e2d31a like he was itching to go. As soon as his 94841e7abf business was done, he d7da00eee2 quickly turned to leave.ce12551695eb32e26032

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Yeonji, noticing Beomchan’s b1cdbc2a68 unusual behavior, asked 620d07bbed him about it. But Beomchan simply nodded 85cba3144d silently and started walking.ca6305734400adc1648e

“Beomchan, wait 76289e0907 a moment.”ea218312099794886887

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Seungjae called bc7f0b6bde out to c6d29eb6d1 him. Beomchan flinched and turned his 2c2caa3397 head, looking at Seungjae with 2490f928fe a sullen expression. It reminded Seungjae of the day Beomchan had 7101f3f3d4 run out of the café in tears.9dd6346e862bbe29607f

Seungjae was the first 6aa2316fa5 to avert his gaze. Later. Let’s do c31252c8e2 it later. He wasn’t confident he could talk rationally 85915c81d3 to that dejected face right now.0f9a9f0384da406fdc11

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“Never mind.”95eb7dbaa08bb24106d3

Seungjae withdrew ed79e48bcb his words. Beomchan let out a small sigh 1e5a26ff05 and disappeared out of the café.4433ca553a6ad69f0abc

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“…Dad.”a3f0a5b89cad07a3726d

Woojoo fiddled with the strings of Seungjae’s apron ae591d8b31 with his tiny hands and called out.d58f154c80c8ea86ce40

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“Yeah?”7d7fc587379541e2492d

“Did you 70c9d221c1 have a 55f0354f73 fight with 417a685273 Master?”eee7387b5285061a3baf

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Seungjae, momentarily flustered, 0b34440629 shook his head 6c906421d2 exaggeratedly in denial.4f47de54378b8f59e81c

“No, we d8a86f1e7d didn’t fight. It’s not 00169d17d2 like that.”6d185d49cc56d008487d

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“It doesn’t seem that way… It’s just 4fb3f5e677 like when Bomi fought with Cheonguk…”eca188acc428dbbeaf08

Woojoo, still mumbling with suspicion, ac4cbc36fa didn’t seem to have any 5460b9c92b intention of asking Seungjae again 0a306d74b2 after he denied it once. He soon slipped out of 6a55830e12 Seungjae’s arms and headed to bd0da60740 his designated table.68789e4e14a835d5adc0

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“You’re not going to d61ab06bff drink this, right?”19dbedda747e2aa6c695

Seungjae asked Yeonji, pointing 4d021a963a to the coffee he e186f72701 had set aside for 63cb76b0c3 Beomchan. As expected, Yeonji shook c00659b58b her head, saying she 3a3f934487 didn’t drink decaf.7f79e39626f8189149b3

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Seungjae took a sip himself, not really expecting Beomchan—who had 660b6969e7 been refusing coffee since their argument—to suddenly accept it today. He didn’t even know why 12a2c57993 he had prepared it beforehand.33512eb7eb69788ff7cb

“Still haven’t made cd43c0b6a4 up?” Yeonji whispered, 8830f96533 making sure Woojoo 96aafd1a12 couldn’t hear.573aa350fc536e675e93

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“There’s nothing to make up for.” Seungjae replied 0e38652198 with a smile, but he felt a sense fb46c9aeb4 of dissonance in his own words.5a8d28878211d01e13e9

“I shouldn’t have a36eb1ebb3 brought it up fe55231369 with the master.”7e6388052a525959feb5

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Yeonji’s voice 7a60534e11 was filled 49700d282a with regret. It was the 60967101b3 same with Woojoo’s 45bb247e4b cautious behavior earlier.ecaabfb50aa47ac0a2ce

Only then did Seungjae realize 46bd4d4c0a that the issue between him 9755e6a35c and Beomchan was affecting those 6845549e19 around them.2c1affad7399d35d3eb2

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