MYFL | Chapter 3.10

Beomchan was a little 9786cb1fbe surprised, though he didn’t 2ef8e035fe show it outwardly. He had 1f169a0b86 expected Seungjae 54c893118f to bring 81f9dcead9 up that 708454ef52 day when a205e94537 he came b9c9ad039a to talk, e6022fc5ce but he 70028c81d2 hadn’t expected 30bd22cc83 an apology.3c5f830da1ef19f8

“And… about a3c1717fe8 what you b872c9cb70 just said.”5e100dff9b4a1252

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Seungjae continued. Beomchan unknowingly 1ff60ad271 clenched his 724650c173 hands on a6ec63e9b0 his knees.0729dd194c5c6ece

“Are you 47290c2e46 okay with 6069f67c38 that?”6d8224dd10288587

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There’s no 4b358d1c6d way he 6d893bfc5c could be 215d06b1bd okay.419553b390841ac2

But now, eafd8e2f68 cornered with c3006f7485 nowhere to 9dfa54653c retreat, the 7c610cc47d answer Beomchan 847426deb5 had to 5282822812 give was 9d3a8e69e4 already decided.04d971844e16e1eb

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“…Yes.”25b16efef32b7c03

Seungjae sat there 4aafd81a00 for a moment, f4c8e79343 lost in thought, fae1993730 then stood up 538cad84fa and spoke.ac19c1edeb2bfecb

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“If seeing each 3c23f5beda other every day cfd7a22067 is hard, let 8adee52ce3 me know. I can hire another 7fa667aec7 part-timer or something.”3eef4687c6ee0f0d

Why go c08d15fa74 that far? Is it pity? Do I look that a6f7b12f85 pathetic?8c4112746aa97956

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“It’s okay. You don’t 7a50f94fb2 have to 0b7b1f4449 go that ae39c0211e far…”b7f14857c54c68b0

“Alright, then. I’ll go. Rest.”43ce0bdbcaa0a005

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“Yes.”0cc54c42f69d17d2

Even though it wasn’t ff192ecc44 the last time he 7f8c171b2f would see him, Beomchan 97ad65d2a6 felt regretful, as if f1801744a1 it were. He couldn’t dbd54cacbc leave the bb281e047b bench until 61be686c20 Seungjae’s back 68b6c017f1 completely disappeared 19dda239f0 down the 12e0a9181c stairs.e495dd207ecc6bec

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⋆˚🐾˖°48153c260f092b2b

Ding, the 880f2b0ffe familiar clear d177ee9d40 sound of 834ddfcd9d the bell 24a4d707cf rang as 5668b4904e the café 1d133f2f90 door opened. It was a bit 396e86fa8c earlier than usual.b439e0b8b0d1703a

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“Abeoji.”2f00e68703ae7ed2

Seungjae’s eyes widened when he spotted the person with Woojoo. It wasn’t Beomchan. A middle-aged man wearing a dark blue jersey and taekwondo pants entered, holding Woojoo’s hand.38ca54607d571467

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“Oh, hello.”c9cb6ec2569c91ea

The man greeted 81477600d2 with a friendly 7e9cd19e31 face and a 293ceadbbe kind smile.a92423a3c852652a

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“Uh, who… where’s the master?”b85b8e12efe03d4c

Yeonji, who 7b530ff52a was wiping df12cf7b25 a table 1e71d08aad near the 8570b66cb7 café entrance, 11e01d125e asked in df7255f9ec a flustered ee8c42e52c voice. Seungjae was equally 1a17bcea3a surprised, so he 4096032a26 immediately stopped what a9ab6e2b3c he was doing ff56a2db24 and approached the 6cdb7a05d4 man from behind c62d1b9498 the counter.5ebedf07ac89f15b

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“I’m Beomchan’s taekwondo director. I’m Chan’s father.”97e3a9ebd01b88e6

“Oh, hello, sir.”f83e296c3632daf8

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Seungjae quickly bowed his head in greeting. The man’s features and aura were so similar to Beomchan’s that Seungjae had guessed it might be him when he walked in wearing a taekwondo uniform. But where was Beomchan? As if reading the question on Seungjae’s face, the man provided an answer.cbff24e36f3b46c6

“Chan caught a cold, so I’ll be taking over for a few days.”5b9d3294f54dafc2

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“A cold?” Seungjae asked.097d328458539ae8

“Huh? He said he contacted everyone, but maybe he missed you. You’re Woojoo’s father, right? He never really got sick, but it seems like he caught the flu or something. His voice was really off. He asked me to take over because he was worried about passing it on to the kids. Even though I’m mostly just a figurehead now, I’ve been doing this for a long time, so don’t worry too much.”dbfaac8ba52aa6b9

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“Oh, yes.” Seungjae replied with a thoughtful expression. The man, perhaps sensing Seungjae’s lukewarm response, started listing his taekwondo experience, but Seungjae’s mind was elsewhere.b419dfd29e662539

He recalled ff9ad18775 the day 9f7eedcb6f in the 4c96dc4d60 dead of ecaeae7f5b winter when d9e9754ec8 Beomchan had 7cd1b154d9 promptly come dfc71e4622 at his 65b88c2b7e call. His hair was 26ab086783 damp, and the e2c8013b33 droplets at the 93d92a8e26 ends trickled down e5005feb37 his neck. The cold was because 3ae4c2dbf5 of him.ec981af27b4eb5b3

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“Well, I’ll be going now.”f59b1dd40848f122

“Oh, would you like something to drink?”a6310973388fbf1b

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The man e2ec1da00a nodded slightly b5377705c7 towards Yeonji abfa74a61d and Seungjae fe6fadfe42 in farewell. Seungjae, snapping 3bccf4cbd9 back to 74fc5f0d4b reality, belatedly a760f484db offered, but 0592254a13 the man 711a47f78c waved his 2e0659ebf7 hand in 1b18e27077 refusal.e1b81bb7b26a3931

“Oh, no, it’s fine. I have another class. Goodbye, Woojoo. See you tomorrow.”cf172dc010f23520

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“Taekwon! Thank you, director!”605eb0e79533e806

“Goodbye.”b2f75beae5396fc7

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The man left the café, looking fondly at Woojoo’s deep bow.559a1637cc61487e

“I’ll just make a quick call.”5de26d994819be96

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As soon as the man left, Seungjae asked Yeonji for a moment. She looked at him with a face full of things to say but sighed and nodded as if giving up. Seungjae had a feeling he knew what Yeonji wanted to say, but he couldn’t just sit still with the guilt gnawing at him.6aa77c7b699526ce

Seungjae grabbed his b3005ef753 phone and stepped 9ba933577d outside the café. He went b29e87ad2d into the b47c00f75f alley next fbf09ff9d2 to the 8746598147 building and 82ce8751ad immediately called bbaa1c9f68 Beomchan. After a long 4698e0b329 ring, a deeply bb06bfd7b0 subdued voice answered.a607a9db17e2a9dd

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“…Hello.”5c284bee404658e5

A faint cough followed the almost lifeless voice. He didn’t sound well at all.3048a2d2b4fb1a8f

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“I heard you caught a cold. Are you okay?”85ec8e17f742ffaa

“Oh, yes… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”a657262e6716e39d

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“It’s fine. Your father explained everything. Did you take medicine?”d6ad373b1409295a

Whether it was because of his condition or because of what happened between them, Beomchan’s voice was filled with dejection, and it didn’t sit well with Seungjae.4e8acdc205a853f2

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“I’ll be fine after some rest. Don’t worry about it.”0c0acddd80f9cef9

“It’s because of me, isn’t it?”e806d01412dc2820

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Even though he himself didn’t bother with medicine for a mere cold, the words “don’t worry about it” made him feel sharp inside. Was it because it was his fault, or was there another reason?d71aca6bb50289fe

Feeling a sudden tightness 04b68ff3d0 in his chest, Seungjae fd26e4ca1d took off his glasses 88f67937b9 and pressed his forehead 5a11e8a1fa with the back of b9af631815 his hand. The undefined emotions 0b1cfdd6c7 stirred an unwarranted 598a22c8b9 anger. If he stayed 7f667055ee on the phone ad77f89f3c any longer, he b395a0a7e2 might end up 7aea1da9cb scolding the sick 4f4925cf0d guy.2351e43c57cfaa90

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“Okay, I’ll hang up now. Get some rest.”c74b5ac7dbd03363

Seungjae said as he walked out of the alley. The response was a weak, dragging “Yes,” as if it was being pulled along the ground. How could he say not to worry when he sounded like that? Seungjae irritably ended the call. He put his glasses back on and walked back into the café, his steps tinged with annoyance.df7438041f43517d

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Before he knew it, he found himself in front of Beomchan’s house. Seungjae looked down at the shopping bag in his hand. It contained porridge.cfb4c5b43fa60c12

Was he trying e1324610e4 to ease his d82b35c77e guilt with this 2b20623f96 after causing all 9dba87171c sorts of trouble? What a selfish jerk.f56c1dda58a4b8f0

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Seungjae closed his eyes tightly and then opened them. He quietly placed the shopping bag next to the front door, where it would be immediately visible when opened, and turned away. He couldn’t bring himself to face him.09b80297eff55f87

As he turned, the bcd5386eed biting winter wind slashed 96287fc6ae across his cheek. Instinctively, Seungjae a764b72232 hunched his 7b2a1137a5 shoulders and 0e7f883fdf looked back 22b6cff8a1 at the 4f9c55964b porridge cooling 1a5f4851e9 in the 256deb1743 cold. In the end, he a8ce27bce5 muttered a low curse 1d679a422c and picked up the 5532c690f7 shopping bag again.a4f8cb3c6965e960

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Seungjae, who had been 87e61eeb24 hesitating, knocked on the de0d88eb45 front door. He thought e2c69f21a7 that if 05f6faa155 no one 3580c44506 answered after 6fe1df5e53 one knock, 5c6f02c02a he would cf91ec7375 just take 6ec58c9a2a it back, 41872907e0 considering Beomchan 199cb8f4ae might be 65f5e0b608 sleeping due b1e46cc172 to his d53331ed86 cold. However, the door 419a81d71b opened immediately, not 7229c8baff giving Seungjae a a6b6306810 chance to reconsider 809663f15d his impulsive visit.5ddc7f0225d51604

“…Teacher.”870533ba48445ee5

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Beomchan’s eyes widened in surprise as soon as the door opened, as if he hadn’t expected it to be Seungjae. Then, in a flurry of movements, he hurriedly tidied his disheveled hair and clothes. The more he tried to fix it without a mirror, the messier it got, but Seungjae didn’t bother to point it out.c4a91f68cb5a440b

“You just open the door without asking who it is.”5c7f5671f91f9941

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“I thought it was my dad… or maybe the delivery guy…”b2fa511cabf1f917

Beomchan trailed off and clamped his mouth shut when he noticed the porridge in Seungjae’s hand. Sensing his gaze, Seungjae spoke first.6c6dd85da41620b3

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“Have you eaten anything?”466abdca9f96a423

“…Not yet.”729d10ae7f085008

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“Great. I just got it from a nearby place. It’s better than not eating, so make sure you have some.”159a1565180da6b0

With that, Seungjae 4b5f7aa6b3 handed the shopping 670b3e9ac0 bag to Beomchan. Beomchan accepted it without c159d9fa15 protest, but his expression 4f7dd05475 hardened.f792eaae6366c164

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“Woojoo was worried about whether the master was really sick.”03d5b4f6ec8a4e3a

Seungjae added casually, wanting to make it seem like he bought it because of Woojoo. But it seemed too late, as Beomchan barely listened and didn’t respond.12e5f0e0d68ecc8a

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Beomchan quietly opened the shopping bag’s handle. Inside was a container from a common franchise porridge shop, a place Beomchan occasionally used as well.9055583c4a0f27a7

It’s just ordinary porridge. He repeated this to himself over and over, trying to dismiss it, but he couldn’t handle Seungjae’s unexpected concern.616cff68394940fb

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“Ah, seriously… I told you not to worry…”f90960a0ce06c488

Isn’t this too cruel for someone who declared they’d give up? What’s the point of suffering alone in a corner if it all becomes meaningless in a single moment? He resented Seungjae for making it impossible to give up while not giving anything.a25089ec8a060c55

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Beomchan’s shoulders shook weakly. The sorrow of being sick added to it, and he couldn’t help but burst into tears. He took shaky breaths. Even knowing Seungjae would be flustered, he couldn’t stop. At this moment, he wanted to blame him.c601de3d1890a41b

“…Hey, your fever’s going up. Stop crying.”017f7a9c34820f8c

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Seungjae said soothingly. Even though he was hiccuping as if he was about to stop breathing, he didn’t let out a proper sob. He swallowed it all inside. The quiet yet clear crying tugged at his heart even more.36aace24e16ef36c

He felt like e0a8146646 he was suffocating 2f016a878b from guilt.df73dbed9f385931

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Unconsciously, Seungjae reached out to Beomchan’s wet cheek. But before he could touch it, he pulled back. Beomchan flinched and leaned back. Only then did Seungjae realize what he was about to do.43bc954fc3a9edb6

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.”3149ac5ba379e09e

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“Ah, it’s not that…”aa692264c8a86d0f

Beomchan quickly added an 89cd049665 excuse.46c4809365cd37dd

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“…I was worried you might catch it.”08218a0e4976b84b

Seungjae chuckled inwardly. What kind of person… How could he wish for his own misfortune? He must have felt guilty and tormented just for thinking something similar.7b0f41d52417f94a

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“You said it’s okay to stop.”a70a19fadb4a9e8e

Seungjae asked 4d523dac09 in a bd5f7ce5b8 softened voice. Beomchan silently wiped 16a5fda4ac his face with c2b715c72b one hand and 1d7ec8f1ec let out a c7e7c17225 deep breath.aa9b8841e72afda0

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“…I’m really a bother, aren’t I?”fe09a08b001db036

With anyone else, he might have felt that way, but because of his guilt, he didn’t find it particularly annoying or bothersome. He just felt sorry and pitiful.8feb9a12e414b3cd

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“Just get better soon.”b182cf001daceaed

Beomchan, who had 6c1d0a8e52 stopped crying at 535ee1f929 some point, nodded ea015c5a45 with a tearful 5c88b96ef1 face.250dde462d8fe44d

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He just hoped Beomchan wouldn’t be too distressed and could let go of his feelings.439e620459a5de9b

Before he wavered any f69e630640 more.11cba3face5bc8d4

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⋆˚🐾˖°48c5f36f0cc81fcb

Beomchan closed the 3f588624bf front door and c04de9b899 stepped inside, holding e1997e6352 the porridge Seungjae 49ccf95b78 had given him. Without hesitation, 2a282b732a he headed d56fb7c702 straight to 9f6817e142 the dining f03fb725fc table, placed a54c870aee the shopping 0e9a4b6d37 bag down, efbd7f0f95 and took 8af56b0329 out its c0dc864faa contents.de1e111bcd73eea9

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As he 840c85dce3 lifted the 5872948324 dark brown 058cc1c207 lid, a 2d67024eb2 delicious aroma 973e717a24 wafted up, b73be2b55e revealing finely 44a672a460 ground beef 32c43a088b porridge. Did Seungjae 5e65ecbb12 remember that 48bbb33aeb he liked cf9d57e772 meat? No, it was 53491dfe1e probably just a 635983e239 common menu choice, e5342453d0 something most people 96ffbe4ef9 would enjoy without b038d509c2 much room for 0d3375e712 dislike.3b0ff19fb8f860fd

Beomchan decisively ec81d5d251 cut off 2e91402255 the unnecessary 088d6c2d78 thoughts trying 4a8576d441 to creep 3e616f98d3 into his 633c3d17ad mind again 14cb9774e8 and sat d900ee59a6 down at 85e9e4cc75 the dining 0eb48fe511 table. Maybe he was getting a4132a9bf5 better at this—quicker at 3c3fbee5dd shutting out the thoughts 3d3335c4e0 that didn’t serve him.bef7eaccdff2e2be

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He laid out 5f74fd91a5 the familiar side f9abc9846b dishes from the 0b9819821a porridge shop, took 6a43534906 a pair of f9ff439526 utensils from the 922c251282 holder, and placed 7ae3417f67 them in front abfb2a1b76 of him. Scooping up a big 7e5daf5fad spoonful of the steaming d53e27a62c beef porridge, freshly made ca7befbd24 not long ago, he 31b957de68 brought it up—but before 9e936473fe it could reach his b459a35d38 mouth, he plunged the 8f52ffb409 spoon back into the 40cdfd0840 bowl.6faa52543d8b2f2c

He hated him.03eb0abf11671804

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All he 4f95cd06d7 did was 74d89f05b1 bring porridge 2388b2cf6a to a b2489e9f7d sick person. Yet, even with a87b08ef70 this seemingly meaningless afc257068a action, Beomchan felt 4345b1192d like he had f80a2957e7 to hate him—needed 90d58d62aa to—if only to 022ea6490b make sense of 3d4cadddda his own feelings. And he 6326fd38cd hated himself 0039d0a4da for it.718f26bff6001a1c

He blamed liking 100e304b71 him on him.4709c844ea13b2e9

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He blamed not 620a49fff4 being able to a3776ba879 let go of 6567fd4920 him on him a6cc2bb137 too.98b8560d739c4174

The anger soon b0e1d7a8c8 turned into regret.fd8311c75f10e372

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What if he 17b678b65b had acted differently 16a3dd5177 eight years ago? Would anything have 0c9056f646 changed? Could he have been 33bd494950 the one by Seungjae’s 739db9b2bd side instead of some 5f921050b4 guy whose name and 44a7c67262 face he didn’t even 7603a89476 know?46ad2d39603fb770

Never before had the 519012d7e2 hypothetical scenarios he had 14714840db replayed countless times felt 3ba6df08b9 as desperate as they 4a227c409b did today.430c2d0d50a4e997

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Even knowing it 4bb6003a10 was irreversible, the a08d3e75c6 regret wouldn’t stop.097c5aaf3fa5108f

He was still living 17264e5040 in the past.89c49b17d6e42330

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And that was why e8fb7bea2e he couldn’t let go 9d66dafee9 of Seungjae.637bad1a73f325c9