My Lord Chapter 12

A Fool Who Only Knows How to Run His Tongue

 

“Do you think it would be better if I just died?”

 

At the moment I heard Sedian’s words, I felt as if my heart dropped. An unexplainable tension surged through my body. It was like hearing something I was never meant to hear.

 

The reason Sedian was sick was solely due to the curse. If not for the curse, Sedian wouldn’t be suffering. He wouldn’t have to endure these painful days.

 

As the only heir to the duke’s family, he would have lived a life loved by everyone, surrounded by kind and gentle gazes, untouched by the trials of the world.

 

But all of this happened because of Reina Khan.

 

Now he lives each day worried about when the next seizure will strike. Unable to meet friends his age, surrounded by people who dislike him, he struggles desperately just to survive.

 

And it’s entirely Reina Khan’s fault.

 

And Reina Khan is me.

 

Even though I wasn’t the one who cursed Sedian, as long as I inhabit this body, I must take responsibility for what this body has done.

 

I cannot feign ignorance and say, “I didn’t do it,” when it comes to the atrocities Reina Khan committed.

 

I closed my mouth and looked at Sedian.

 

His eyes, as always, were unreadable. But one thing was clear—  he was so cornered that he would say something like this.

 

***

 

“Your Grace.”

 

I lifted Sedian’s hand in mine and clasped it tightly between both of my hands.

 

“There is no such thing as ‘better off dead’ when it comes to life.”

 

As I channeled my magic slowly through our joined hands, I began to speak.

 

“Better off dead? No. You must survive, no matter how desperately. You have to live.”

 

Sedian’s chest swelled as if he were about to release a breath he had been holding in.

Then he let out a deep exhale, wincing with one eye closed.

 

“I think the same way. But sometimes, when the pain is unbearable, those kinds of thoughts come to me. Wouldn’t it be better to just give up, rather than suffer like this?”

 

“That’s perfectly normal.”

 

I shook my head as I answered. Suppressing the guilt that clenched at my heart, I continued in a calm tone.

 

Fortunately or unfortunately, I had seen many patients with similar thoughts in my past life,  so I could speak without hesitation.

 

“It’s because you’re in pain. When someone is in pain, they can’t think rationally. I wasn’t any different. There was one time I had a high fever, and since I didn’t have any fever medicine, I thought drinking cold water would help lower it. Can you believe that?”

 

Sedian chuckled softly. He turned to me and asked,

 

“Even you get sick?”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Well, I heard idiots don’t catch colds.”

 

“…It seems Your Grace is feeling better now.”

 

“Tsk.” I clicked my tongue, letting go of his hand. Sedian chuckled again. For the first time, his laughter was genuine.

 

It was a smile as pure and radiant as a flower blooming under a clear sky. His laughter resonated like the chime of a bell, clear and beautiful. The smile that spread across his lips was as soft and gentle as a spring breeze.

 

So, he can smile like this.

 

And that only deepened my guilt. Because it was this body, Reina Khan, who had stolen this smile from Sedian’s face.

 

“You’re right. I shouldn’t die. I must survive no matter what.”

 

Sedian spoke. His tone was completely different from the one he used just moments ago when he suggested it might be better to die. It was a resolute voice, as though making a firm promise to himself.

 

“Why should I die for someone else’s benefit? There’s a whole box full of people who’d rejoice at my death. I’ll live—just to crush them. Absolutely.”

 

“Yes, you must.”

 

“And once I survive…”

 

Sedian clenched his fists.

 

“I’ll kill Reina Khan.”

 

At that moment, I felt the blood drain from my entire body. My jaw clenched instinctively, and my teeth ached.

 

“They say she’s dead? No. There’s no way she’s dead. That wicked witch couldn’t have died so easily. The kingdom must be hiding her. Reina Khan is alive. She must be.”

 

Yes, that’s right. She’s alive.

 

Alive and standing right in front of Your Grace…

 

I felt a cold sweat trickle down my back as I swallowed nervously.

 

“Well…”

 

Carefully, I asked Sedian,

 

“Does that mean once you’re healed, you’ll immediately go after Reina Khan?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Sedian answered without a moment’s hesitation.

 

“As you know, I used to be in the navy. I’ll borrow a ship from Father. Then I’ll cross over to the kingdom to find Reina Khan.”

 

“Uh, but… Reina Khan might not be in the kingdom, right?”

 

“That’s why I’ll borrow a ship. If she’s not in the kingdom, I’ll search the duchy. If she’s not in the duchy, I’ll search the empire. And if she’s not in the empire, I’ll scour the wastelands until I find her.”

 

Sedian spoke with a face twisted in rage, as if he had been planning and envisioning this for a long time.

 

“When I find her, I’ll kill her.”

 

“…”

 

It’s true that I feel pity for Sedian. It’s also true that I feel guilty towards him.

 

But regardless of that…

 

I don’t want to die.

 

No matter how much I’ve resolved to take responsibility for what this body has done, I can’t give up my life.

 

That’s why I came here to help him!

 

I swallowed hard and slowly let go of Sedian’s hand. Then I pulled the blanket over him.

 

“You’re not feeling well, so it seems you’re getting caught up in negative thoughts.”

 

“Negative thoughts? It’s not like that…”

 

“Yes, yes, I understand. For now, just sleep. Close your eyes. Shall I sing you a lullaby?”

 

Sedian, who had been squinting at me, spoke with his head completely buried in the pillow.

 

“No need for a lullaby, just stay here.”

 

“Yes, yes.”

 

“Stay by my side until I fall asleep, understood?”

 

I chuckled softly and replied,

 

“I’ll stay by your side until you’re better, my lord.”

 

Sedian’s gaze once again turned to me. He stared intently as if to say something, his mouth half-open, but then he nodded slightly, pulling his chin down.

 

“…Alright.”

 

Sedian slowly closed his eyes. I gently patted him and hummed a tune—an old lullaby my mother used to sing to me as a child.

 

“…”

 

How much time had passed? Sedian began breathing evenly, apparently having fallen asleep. I stopped patting him, blinked slowly, and gazed at his sleeping face.

 

– Do you think it would be better if I just died?

 

How much pain had this frail boy endured to say such a thing? How deep must his torment have been?

 

Even if he ends up being the one who ultimately kills me, I can’t pretend to be unaware of his pain. Because this very body of mine was what caused Sedian to suffer like this.

 

Therefore,

 

“I’ll heal you, no matter what.”

 

After lightly kissing Sedian’s forehead, I left the room, silently praying that he wouldn’t suffer any further tonight.

 

***

 

At the break of dawn, the first thing I did was summon all the staff of the mansion.

 

Morning roll call was routine, but those working in the kitchen or attending to Sedian often didn’t attend. This time, I intentionally gathered everyone in one place.

 

A total of eight staff members were assembled.

 

I examined each of their faces one by one, my eyes sharp.

 

There was undoubtedly someone among them leaking information about Sedian and even stealing holy water.

 

“Excuse me, butler?”

 

Daisy cautiously raised her hand and asked,

 

“Why have you gathered us all here?”

 

Was it because morning was the busiest time of the day? Daisy looked rather anxious.

 

Should I suspect Daisy?

 

Based on my observations so far, Daisy seemed genuinely devoted to Sedian. She didn’t appear to have the audacity to do anything that would hurt him.

 

But you never know.

 

Since I hadn’t fully grasped everyone’s intentions yet, Daisy had to remain on the list of suspects.

 

Ignoring her pitiful gaze, I addressed the other staff members.

 

“I have an announcement to make.”