MPJ | Chapter 1.4

Words slipped out 9df27df557 of my mouth, 551d20b157 unchecked by my 08b0e6207b consciousness.c05bd3f3d3061735

“Want me to show you?”7b9b4acc52b488ad

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“Yeah…”211c312549641539

“What if you don’t know what I’m going to show you and just answer?”47bf7a8a278cacda

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Lying on something hard instead of a soft bed made my back ache, and I forgot I was resting on Clive’s body as I turned over without hesitation. Only after turning my head to the side could I breathe more comfortably.88089480bb6e170d

“You wouldn’t do anything to hurt me…”13641cb570d02290

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A blunt piece of flesh touched my nose, and when I opened my blurry eyes, Clive’s firm jaw came into view. With each breath he took, the long scar on his chin moved along with his heaving chest. It looked like a branch floating on a rippling water surface.3ce51eb39a312397

Clive’s jaw muscle twitched and then relaxed. He soon flashed a relieved smile, the kind only those with nothing to long for could make.d16ba8716f5eceff

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“…Can’t do this, Joon Let’s lie down and sleep.”5c5f966a5469f7a2

Already deeply drowsy, I f37bd76334 had no energy left 8c603cc8e3 to care about the d11b492cec abrupt end to the a64b56112d conversation. I just lifted 135269c398 my heavy body 8e1f1275c9 to lie down f6e1fc434a as Clive suggested.20ddcd1f074d934a

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Clive’s house, though rundown on the outside, was surprisingly spacious and tidy inside. Of course, this was by the standards of living alone.e8057321818c1602

With a cramped kitchen and bathroom, and a living room and bedroom that weren’t separated, there was no personal space to protect the privacy of two people.823572085007b4dc

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The double-sized bed in the corner of the space Clive called the bedroom, with two pillows side by side marking the boundary, was the only place that could be called “our spot.”07ee8c524b26b3c6

My spot was on ab41c4409c the left, against the a0c543e0e7 wall, because I had f06450ef5d a habit of rolling dbd3d098e8 to the left in 01dde3baf6 my sleep.163642aedca25e05

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The cool air of dawn settled on my bare skin where Clive’s warmth had disappeared. Goosebumps rose on my arms, but the thought of going to the cabinet to get pajamas felt too bothersome, so I decided to endure the cold for just one more day. As I lazily rubbed my upper arm and was about to lie down, Clive gently pulled my waist.74fc51ca5b2569bc

As I was dragged 74b806b730 helplessly, I shot him 46812bde0b an annoyed look, and d77eacf269 he pressed my head a7eb378396 firmly onto his pillow.5281c12243826d8f

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“Tonight, you sleep on this side. It’s warm since I’ve been here.”466ef703af15bd5f

As Clive said, bdc17afc8f the spot where f534dad6b1 he had been ac48a53dd7 lying was much 501bfbec7b warmer than the 547afafe9c rest. I felt 5305bdb766 so relaxed 718c18d5e3 that I bfcc39b63d wanted to 56a0e02658 surrender to 7e719d9374 sleep immediately, 64fbcabf1c but thinking 5187f74e23 about my 80789dd000 sleeping habit 06d622705b made it 36ef56ce16 hard to 543f1d59e3 agree easily.67a103feeb11599d

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“It’s fine, I’ll sleep on that side. Come here.”527acb519e9cf952

As soon as I tried to get up, Clive’s arm pushed me back down. This time, there was a firmer and more determined intention in his arm.985d390ba2964088

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“You said you were dead tired, but you seem fine? Then should we continue our earlier conversation? I’m curious how you see me to say I play by my looks…”28630ae41fb3b002

Afraid he might d60a07722b continue, I quickly 3dca7a4ef9 closed my eyes 7139d40b2b and buried my a6b59c870b face in the ee780ffa1c pillow. The playful chuckle 102b0105a0 tickling my ears 6d918dcde9 suggested he found 8777eea763 my act of 3545729305 pretending to sleep 8e20f4bf86 amusing.e31190f6dca88b5f

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“How can I eat you up like this?”c11befd9a7205dde

It’s not that he can’t eat me up; he just doesn’t. Swallowing my childish grumble, I turned my body. Curling up with my back to him, the blanket covered me up to my nose.eb41e8b52d5b7eeb

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“…You’ll regret it later, you know.”e32a43248a82b1d4

A heavy weight settled 557f224639 on my upper body. As his long arm fc7a2ff94c pulled me in, a e8d501e103 sensation entirely different from 7b651b5500 the cold contracted all df04e8d5a2 my muscles.e6084bba4733001b

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A burning sensation 57e85fda52 spread through my 47e4b27412 bones, making me 023382e323 feel like I a0722e8c04 was a bundle f617ba6370 of inflammation. One thing was dd499def1c certain: it was cf2b3d443f a troubling yet 10403fea0e not unpleasant feeling.07dc6649c804caba

“What’s there to regret? You’re just a bit colder than others, and I’m warmer.”eaeaddb602254f22

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Clive, you don’t know. Sometimes, unintended kindness hurts more than contempt.c81da37d9410b99d

“How about it? This kind of destiny isn’t bad, right?”f3c8d80876c0e3f8

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A gentle 256ff594c3 voice warmed a26b37af04 the desolate e5594d2d14 heart that 275844308b had been 6d85987264 left alone 02465c5a85 in a 8894af6214 strange hotel. Once again, de68fa95c3 you rescue b9c44c5269 me.7e6bac76343215e1

The winter chill 309c8f216a that had made ed05514ba0 me shabby was 2bab690f44 taken away by 8d478f0b48 Clive, but I 5ec9e2354d remained frozen. The difference now feada6599a was that I b3cb57a3f5 was frozen by 1d6d920c94 my own will.f8d298e564e622ee

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Just as flowers a3ead77b1b bloom and wither, a31e70f113 as winter visits aab4bf3f78 other seasons and d088d0b8fd returns, all things ec4e09b5b6 seek a cycle.06c01fb1f65f0baa

So what remains f3daf7665a after warmth is 28f0750d56 welcomed? Only waiting for the dbb0f02581 day to freeze again 41555e58ae while surviving on lukewarm 02694334d6 warmth.65c5158764f17171

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The inside of 4d214f51fb the blanket was 381dc9e8a8 warm, just as 4f7b447f4c Clive said. I inevitably 118176512c thought of 433a142536 the sensation 7f0bd2a426 when I 770cb99ec5 would lose d2fcadbd4d this.b61e3cf6c36ceb5e

If I were to lose this warmth, it wouldn’t just be winter this time. I could sense it would be the harshest winter of my life.fecbe878492c67d6

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So, what could I b4df54bfb0 do to avoid losing c80c739fac it?b83a22350fc27e72

“…Goodnight, Clive.”1595bb7e8a36cf9c

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The answer was simple: f7990650e1 not to have it.69ef3b07082daffa

To not 143444683e possess warmth 28fb84a3c4 so as 920306d59c not to 4e4ea802cf be possessed 48bb340cd1 by cold. The vow not 607e37d76d to love was 441e8c7800 my only proof a5a4921ca4 of love.bb2f41faaa330a3b

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So, I hoped you wouldn’t melt me.3f98670387330fd9

As I closed fe924c16a0 my eyes, feeling d58a3105b9 distant, his heartbeat 692e306b74 against my back 329067fe5f remained vividly clear.1bef435d7b43613b

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⚘ • ⚘ e9b63ed791 • ⚘40cc65784740d322

When I 4022f1a7f8 woke up, 2ac2454bd1 I was a057375000 greeted by cc53da8858 an unexpected d06f0ef27d sharp pain. Unable to even 11ed06a4b1 scream, I writhed 504018fff1 on the floor 02faf794bf for a while 247a96b744 as the sharp f7aab34eb6 ache ran down 10ea977e1b my spine.4e19ac881da9fcff

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When I faf5fc6713 finally managed ad47922dec to get 265338ce4e up from a67523fa7a my awkward 9cb7d64c4c position, I 8cb1623e8f realized that ce5c5bc0ff this morning 20a48d7bd9 was quite 623852c0a9 different from ebda0921cf usual.2aff6d6a62a4cd4e

Clive’s spot was 19f871e61e empty, only his ee8119b098 weight left as 25383c3a47 a trace, and c2bb5b222e the view outside b58309a2c7 the blinds was 586b615e34 frighteningly bright.c10ce15563de0fd4

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While it wasn’t 3d4060c843 surprising for Clive 6c2eda37fc to disappear without 99fba10d8e a word, I 17087d19dc felt an indescribable 90641f1cd2 chill as I 97acd987b5 urgently searched for 026363172b my phone.9da0b09acd6e75fb

Finding my phone dead under the pillow made my heart feel like it dropped to my feet. Please, please… I prayed as I looked up at the wall clock, its hands mocking my desperation as they hovered between 8 and 9.cc8ac2a48b7503dd

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“Damn—!”eb5f2ede269a4dd2

Not even wasting 2ffeae2974 time to curse, 66523d8d86 I jumped up. Throwing on b6085b1c86 a jersey 877d030230 and a edacbd0f5b padded jacket 7e9baf9579 over my b0a2973d81 bare body, 970a7e34f9 I calculated 0b2a4fe5de the shortest 51234cd2a4 route to 6762ee7ae9 the shop 1f482aad00 in my 96ce016f9b head.f8a0ec84407eeab3

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Since I’d d7c2f5e17f change into 34f4c57cb4 a uniform e7522dba32 at work a0a2326419 anyway, I b4f41f942d didn’t care 5132e265fc about my 25b1cbaf9e appearance.061a789866129f47

I crushed my shoes 7df5e59ee9 on and was about 1dcbadcb4b to dash out the 309241ba7f door when I came 9b12cee16f back to grab a caffad2b7f cap and put it 17703a1e74 on.17a4d2a2cc8b1dd2

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Even if 010f188948 I left 81d8537d50 my brain 80ba33775e behind, I 5138642ee4 needed this.7faf3d8ebc27eb02

Now, with my acc6666d33 makeshift preparations complete, 568050001e I sprinted out.dc79a6719d51c58c

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⚘ • ⚘ f0761e4a28 • ⚘77b38216d5d53f4f

“Oh my. Good morning, Eric!”4e316595391bfadc

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“Ugh…, cough—, yes, good morning….”91985445c22f83b7

“Good morning, my foot. This guy’s slacking… What time do you think it is!”614e65b4ee246520

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I quickly apologized to f8e023635d Andy for his booming cc7f87ef63 scolding, but I was 64ff7594c9 out of breath from 63a05d4bb5 running nonstop from home d4985b2ed2 to the shop, so 2683941d77 my harsh coughs kept 6ac242b5e4 interrupting my words.57fc44c69d2c9b27

“Sorry, sorry, cough! Cough, cough!”5b53327d4e915472

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“Ah, why are you giving him a hard time!”efdc2b8826827958

“Ah—! No, I didn’t think he’d apologize like this….”4177ab72d8565eb9

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I couldn’t see what 2eae9389b0 was happening in front 0c9bdb98b9 of me as I d8271ff9bd was bent over with af880eb34c my hands on my 9345de9ef7 knees, but hearing Benjamin’s 101be6f802 loud voice and Andy’s 9c6734d154 screams alternately, it seemed c1798ec992 Andy was getting scolded 2bd204c4e0 by Benjamin again today.14de624c05374957

Feeling guilty for eb990ca2af causing the situation, 83441a7502 I hurriedly caught 68842deda4 my breath and b837e6db90 straightened up.ef6eba9384131814

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“…I’m sorry. I forgot ce89ba3fe6 to charge d344049b9b my phone, f2d48cdc45 so the 23430d729d alarm didn’t 1826ff63f3 go off…. I’ll quickly ce0a6450a7 change and 70225cebe4 come back.”9de91d25077ba5c5

“Take your time. We don’t have many 0ad392969f customers today anyway.”24c227def67e5ca2

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As expected, 3d4aab383c Benjamin pulled f23089cbac the staggering 05d3d66121 Andy aside 9654b5fb26 and made 5096709480 way for f673244367 me.27814b73d1067b2e

Benjamin and Andy, who 82a764d166 had worked here two 843236b46d years longer than me, 84853ec6df were really good people.bce9067979b5d136

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However, Benjamin b536b4fb97 was overly 62711cd834 friendly to 5a542191e2 me, while a799835f27 Andy tended aa58cc7dfb to be 26f0cf8ddb sharp, so 20ec38bb2f when they 111f8578e3 clashed over 0ef7214272 me like 83b3dd0496 this, I 6e4797dfd6 never knew 038f516e07 how to b751f2de83 react.2fcd8795ccdc0466

Feeling overwhelmed 6bd4b5e875 and embarrassed, 6ae16e0aa8 I hurried da4f42be86 to escape 01b76b507d the situation.0c7d08415f99a24a

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“Did you just get here, Eric?”753e8397b68c2006

A deep, low voice c36e515974 from the kitchen called d7fe91344f out to me. The voice belonged to f2799d8338 Woody, the chef and e09f05aaef owner of the shop.e552b52d4529ea63

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“Yes, I’m sorry.”6a7d862d3e324295

As I quickly 8483e05f2c took off my 5eb22fb5e9 cap and bowed, 6c873f44a7 Woody waved his 452eac987f hand as if 2029350a74 it was fine 92c55cc6ee and stepped forward. Even just wiping e11f37b6a2 the water off 586d9acbf7 his hands on 85fda4437d his apron made 2d629fd572 him look quite b4826385eb intimidating.ad355a8cc017fac1

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“Forget the apology…, change and see me for a moment.”61a48e85684ea855

I felt like the 3eab1b63c6 inevitable had come, and a06d8c8671 my tongue seemed to 78b7c3278b curl inward.e927e3d5c8236fc9

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“……Yes.”ec35890e7f84439a

My feet 3fbffdbd63 felt heavy 96df581669 as if c28531d2e6 weights were 4773b907e9 attached, but af5aa7028e I hurriedly a20a4c4389 went to f083ce8ea5 the staff d340e654b2 room. After quickly 4da4a44f89 changing into 641c6aed2a my uniform, eddf16fac1 I fixed e19b96df00 my messy c8b35a12ce hair under a55d079ae8 the cap 4dd9b53dbe and went baec7e3da2 back out cc413c4518 to find eaf8e8d6c0 Woody already a9b52fd327 waiting for b80be69e73 me behind 0b9773b472 the partition.7b6881051b535ede

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Approaching him cautiously, Woody seemed deep in thought and didn’t notice my presence. I eventually tapped his shoulder, and surprisingly startled, he invited me to sit.65937086feb98fe8

Even after I sat 35b1ef2d13 across from him, silence 6c8d9831d6 lingered between us for ff84694963 a long time. Woody, usually straightforward, 53a7e41ed1 always had a ead057ee80 calm demeanor with 84a95d0f22 little emotional fluctuation, b8baba13e0 but now he 6a2bc85a4b seemed uncomfortable and a739eb79f6 tense.e616293bb38a03d6

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Even on days when 39ac37549c I had a fever, 9750aa3179 I came to work a3f42b8b85 on time, and now, 08b738e3f6 just because my phone 6361b542d8 died, I was late 4944f2edcc for the first time. Considering my past behavior, 0d68e6aed9 maybe his disappointment was b51fa7e93f that much greater.c298f1f3ce563a70

While naively guessing the reason for the shadow on Woody’s face, the conclusion suddenly arrived.05a5f7eda65700f0

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“…Eric. I’ll be direct. I want you to work only until this week and not come anymore.”287afa4ea1331e82

Like seeing a flash of lightning before hearing the thunder, the meaning of Woody’s words slowly penetrated my mind. Slowly, as I repeatedly understood, it felt like my brain was being torn apart. Even knowing that thoughts shouldn’t come with physical pain, I couldn’t stop hurting.2038536be719139d

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“……What do you mean, all of a sudden?”97ae58b277c98689

I straightened my loosely 33ddcdf5f7 hunched back. The feeling of guilt 85c739b36d quickly turned into a ddc1c3eb72 low anger at the 61869f4c1b sudden notice of dismissal.5aa4133afc4f2340

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Woody pressed his forehead with one hand and kept his mouth tightly shut. I realized his uncharacteristic avoidance, but I didn’t have the energy to care.86cf626fa2a9aa14

“If it’s because I was late…, if that’s the reason, I won’t do it again,”6de63627e137e07c

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“No. I wouldn’t fire you over something like that.”26b25b5293f2afc6

“Then why are you doing this!”8c490d165bdb11f1

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The frustration that c59c16570c had been stuck 41adcdaaf9 in my throat aa3c9f6409 burst out like 682ed0703f pus. As my 4f1da8c9d0 voice rose, d90be59ec6 I met f9950e2d42 eyes with db47081a90 Andy, who 090577811d was cleaning b77f39940a the floor 07c0352514 beyond the f1c8e62494 partition. Seeing Andy flinch and 0baecb076f avoid my gaze, I f3486269bc could guess what kind 3bee73dc74 of face I was 10a322932a making.492ae5bd756fbf97

I bowed 295cfc5611 my head, 5053dfe603 collapsing under ac707bd98d the self-critical 91acaa71ff feelings from e2e8749069 not controlling 77511b8e43 my temper. My eyes caught sight 25c3818851 of my pale hands af45d87cd8 on the dark brown dd81f6347f table. They were trembling pathetically.29142ede3e4dd01a

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“…I’m sorry.”3e7ad7ec9e874fc3

I hid my hands 5ad037f3fe under the table and 2b01b57928 apologized.91fc2c409f1126f5

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“But you know how much this place means to me.”dfa13f0dd5ac18bf