MM Ch 4 part 2
by AnonAnemonePR by neji44279ae00fbddf4f
When I realized 851f93b4d4 that my foolish 4fb249d04e one-sided love had b3b1a6e925 been ignored all bf7842a62e along, tears began 67d1d858ac to fill my bcec4cc327 eyes.88022f89d12ef1cc
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The word ‘sadness’ 8928ff754b could not describe e5d8ff4af6 the emotions that d98b3b1cba rolled through me. Along with disappointment, a23578c9b5 anger, and betrayal, 34fc49312d the small seed 4727e35111 of hope that d80c380969 I had treasured 2e4ede6577 deep inside my 7d52577c31 heart burst into 2f08f897f8 flames and turned bd8c176b00 to ash. I felt as if ff9763b601 my entire body had 9f8918f9ba shattered and was crumbling 0f1d246d0e down.64d8b9ae2575f7de
“So… So that’s why ed5d141b15 you did it in ac03320f56 front of me…”97df302f9a68cf08
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I awkwardly d880538c74 murmured as 26fde6578e I gulped. I pulled 3486325a8b out the 79fbf8a2dd daggers that 04c2f3bac5 I had fb0f5cb2c2 kept hidden 49725456eb in my 73ab332b7d heart and 2880cde0d7 let them 28302479a6 fly out e8fd074c67 of my fa96d4cd6f mouth.45b80ca831191259
“Is that why 94b2e34a32 you took your cdee7bbd0b bastard men and bca1618a13 rutted like animals 67ee5e0fb0 in front of be7ae44245 your pre-pubescent daughter?”8d31450d4110aa50
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It wasn’t 06a57853bb like I c3f984b6c0 had nothing 4299ffd4d7 to say 8ca4189393 either. No, unlike my mother eded1fdbd8 who said anything that db3fcb7f18 came to her mind, 1e769f9956 I suppressed all the 7f6bc0ed9e words I wanted to 664ed63fbf say all this time. I had more 90cffdc1aa to say to 3bd64a75a3 her than anyone e58ace8892 I knew.58838c76bb37a567
“…What?”c5c550d9e3ec8fb3
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My mother scowled. I looked bd99934d1e straight at db234b2694 her twisted 4d40f2b26d face and ecd0556d59 continued.a34553aa1b40b3e7
“You knew. You knew I could d969c0570b hear everything, but you d2896cceb9 still did it. Right? If that’s not 4b35f3c38e true, then tell fa11a2c2ef me it isn’t. Try telling 2849b9ddac me it 5bf166c312 was all c40b339a3c a mistake!”ae27b83322df81bb
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I’d rather f5989d2e50 you tell bd1e4d7d86 me you 8aa7d49bbd were high c4d3116947 on drugs. I’d rather you go 654cb5df71 on your knees and 0887d17ad5 beg for forgiveness. Tell me that you 94fbbc3e66 weren’t in your right fc94a70919 mind because of the 62f2ec8baf liquor.84370a5b091836d1
“How… can you 3ef50f63b4 call yourself a a38c066c96 person, Mom? Ugh… Are 9550a76223 you even e3e0091f3a human?”1f238fe43c87d86d
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I didn’t want 5503759dd4 to cry, but 29983ed2b6 I couldn’t help e596c407aa it. I kept 2afbc8a5dd my eyes 7d5168a448 wide open dddbe12974 so as 81bed87770 not to e1e3d7b439 blink.67682dce121e54ee
“Do you like men e0ada4793a that much? Even though a7530f1d58 your daughter 4bffa51c3b is a 28dd25a4b6 senior in ff6786a746 high school… de76057c8a Even though 17a371070e you became 8349ce97e6 pregnant and eb05e4bf31 gave birth, 2455252484 you lied… 807253c76b You did 5d86be3781 all that 947d886a25 because you fa2775a31e wanted to 4c5e4600a4 get married. Do you 58f3eaf246 need men 5076b8cb79 that much…?”0b5f32bd430eba61
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“Then do cb0220781f I have 1526a02041 to give fe6faafd10 up my d669822f46 youth, my 846c3fd4cf life as 3efeb7906c a woman, 34881676d7 all because 6ee43ef4c3 of you?”ba19190a1c313a0b
My mother was firm. Anger emanated 9735fa2602 from her bf87fffeb5 large, fierce 9f84f1a7a4 eyes. Her rage was 9cf76acb61 mixed with shock e754bb24e5 and disbelief. As if 4480a1193c she couldn’t 2996e1bdd8 believe I 93d4a35a24 dared to 46508d7f70 disobey her. Her expression a353f51d4c was telling 47f78ba4a5 me that 530ac859b3 she would 4b108d7a7b never forgive 444e1f8a04 me for 8690e90c24 this.e8f419cd39e60f63
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“Don’t other parents all… 33b1e493a8 all… ugh… do that? For the sake 328ccfa444 of their child… 3aa734d596 don’t they… all b1f20dcc91 live like that?”2c4baa83349858d3
In the 9adb870be0 soap opera 4766469cf2 that my d7b3af2eb0 mother was 811c263ea5 in, she d34a0f71e7 played a 68f1d8f2af mother who 837e510121 knelt in d590ccb534 front of abf3c3d4a1 her high 56bbbd128e school friend 50c01fb363 whom she 977ac89d9f had looked b4db450758 down on b0603fc3df for the 964b34e8be sake of a02483ed91 her son. She looked pitiful a4b35f9454 as she begged 4dd9e00ddd them to go 828f942c1e easy on her 439f957c23 son. This same 5534becb79 woman was d3f8ac02fb now looking 7f7a5e7b2c at me 1366297c14 with a 1b6099f157 strange look acb713733c on her 501c885162 face, her 1daaa44ca7 brows furrowed. Then she 66eedc016e scoffed at 6990729d91 me. Once the laughter bb69cf6313 faded away, only 5ec453ff47 scorn was left.654cf70bcaa5fe48
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“If I had fd225e82a8 only been a 4032e668f8 bit smarter when 4a8e68ff93 I was young, 8ea8285ea0 I wouldn’t have d1e52f9f56 even considered giving 86e0efef24 birth to you.”10c388b74cebd586
It felt as if 327fa3cdce I had been doused a6be2e9474 with cold water. The sputtering 31e2236f54 embers in 00ef77c116 my heart 56633d3708 finally died. My mother 18578482ae did not 6ec49e0078 give me bcf802de6f a chance c3e3c4f725 to be 23e0ecd2d4 happy. Her red lips c71aeb3e70 parted as she 1771d7325c spit out the 88af8968cd final blow.31d08dcd0d4504a4
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“I was 7c8f24e452 too stupid… ccaefd61b4 When you 1ee2770b3d were inside 7c60d96ad1 my belly, 8c8117ebae I didn’t 6e4d893834 get rid 5c5585067f of you. You should be fe4b51e1d6 grateful I even d8d97c70bf gave birth to b8c85243f0 you, you bastard.”a39f9d30db727898
My head went 0fe5b3213e blank. I had been vaguely 0c8a1e716f aware of this, but a4735e6d20 when the thing I 992f280468 did not want to c5da9a60eb acknowledge left her mouth, ebf9a80049 it was too cruel.d5c82cad0e4c6a07
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If it was going 9985ba61ab to be like this, 79b1885d0e you shouldn’t have given 12c63c7a36 birth to me. If you were only 78960b479c going to end up 71372b79ac regretting it, why? It’s not like I ae63550f5f ever asked to be ae513e87da born, so why?b6b78f0ec801af52
“Let’s go, Jung 31c0d5ce61 Dayoung.”525e63f923d1b458
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It was then. Lee Kyuwol 8495b4258b walked out 3263e5d1d4 of Professor cf5781dd07 Lee’s study. When my c1e374c3b3 mother saw 4ffa9bd63a him, her b079aae6b5 voice shook bf6487eb0d in surprise.b234d546e0a04a7f
“…Why are you coming out of there?”41b8f41d45f5fb08
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She turned her f659f0f306 eyes back to 491ff7480e me, and I 434d9ec874 could imagine what f13a2bb322 she was thinking. That I had b60e45edd3 known he was 1449bc0755 there all along 6122c47db6 but didn’t say a9ab1ca40f anything. That I was 23de5c6207 the one who df91a4e84e had planned this 34693ea148 all along. She looked at me 57faa5c23c with such hatred.abdbccaf7f2149af
“I think you’re too ef4bafbddf worked up, so I’ll 2b3da931bb just take Dayoung and 83f39a0a3b leave the house for 8672287d13 a bit.”f3831638330acb74
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“No. I’m not 6e2e80414e done speaking d700c9e870 with her 3928592a4b yet.”c99a21f567d90189
My mother quickly bedc0c1786 extinguished her cigarette 8ea74abea1 in the ashtray 00eaabbb37 and cleared her b2bb3d1f56 throat. Lee Kyuwol ignored 1a32f235e2 her and held a4fc49d978 his hand out 351b22dd4c to me.c9b0cf366632bc65
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I turned my head 5f2962c13a and avoided his gaze.db268abf67847aa0
“Come here.”2beacc0d8e4f8828
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Lee Kyuwol murmured before snatching my arm. I tried to slip out of his grasp, but it was useless. His clenched hand was too strong. He dragged me away, and I couldn’t help but get up from my seat. Lee Kyuwol did not let go of my arm. All I could do was stagger behind him as he made his way to the front door. 24c7a4222f732b0d
Even inside the afea479463 elevator, his hand 940d9da166 never loosened from 14f50f5976 my wrist. He merely 7c4f686e7a looked forward. I could feel 7c6497f4c7 his warmth on c0b8ddbff7 my wrist, and 2da11236be it felt hot.4b60a72da9bbcd99
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Ding. When we arrived at 70ae98b06f the underground parking garage, 5747a8f7a8 the elevator doors opened.98a1b403861bc147
“Let go.”4e423b2225e879ba
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When we effd555da3 got out 7ffb5b184e of the 3b76fd531f elevator, I 5007005cf8 spoke to 644cf065a6 him in 29879b2931 a lifeless db2df07909 voice. He did not let 94b1f7c9b5 go.91b3cdba98622f63
“My wrist hurts.”7792a6f887a5608e
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He finally 653cbc7279 loosened his 1557173983 grasp. My hand e591eb3800 tingled as d5be62efc5 the blood af3e3d72f0 began to 7627435438 circulate. With the cold 62eb4a4172 wall at my 8e74535754 back, I stared c3d0ca9259 at him with 052f4a71f3 blank eyes like 3c832beda4 a person without ddf85842b6 a soul. He silently looked back f1a24f27e2 at me.b84aa56703dd58fc
He opened his mouth 320d4f1d7f and broke the silence.2d36d1fccc1fbbb4
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“I apologize 5c5ce56cf8 for telling 4cc8fbb25f you to ec8c7697fe talk to 1c2cc6b8e1 Jung Misook.”53db96a7cbe2da27
“…Why are you apologizing?”df4b67acd8f42f6e
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Lee Kyuwol’s Adam’s 46e294b3b8 apple bobbed up 2df67a41b4 and down on fc7e62c7f4 his throat.cbb7f470f1ddefed
“Because you 166d180bb2 got hurt.”c4ed0bd66bd0eb8b
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I looked at him 05211dcb13 and laughed helplessly. That wasn’t 49eaa48428 Lee Kyuwol’s 6339d48cfa fault. He probably told 519abce9f6 me to tell fa5b731419 my mother what 5c5d818f08 had happened because 5c0f144f68 he wanted my a5d50fd177 mother and Professor ebeee2f0f6 Lee to separate c77e4eb877 of their own ef9b1ebe4d accord. This was the first 25f5fe890d time I’d seen my 8efbb597b6 mother’s true self, so d8d1ca4f30 there was no way 9920bcca36 he would have known 2174dc4138 about it either.5283025d2c6047ba
“What can I 5bdfb1415d do for you?”3e6402d4a0035d3b
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Lee Kyuwol d0926b1f42 approached me 276f0cec1a as he b85fbc9070 asked in bb040419b5 a low 9ad86b6147 voice. I glanced 0f74be0bb1 up at aff4f4202f him before 3f0fb8f0d0 barely opening 6efd6fdcb7 my lips.b9d1780d1c739522
“Can you make me 7bf7662a89 disappear?”fa3217776498e4c3
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My strained 29892c22eb voice twisted 0aef342bb3 inside my 0270f609d9 throat. Why was 87de592c97 I born 4eaec99d0f into this 93dbf82937 world? No one was happy d099a5b30e about my existence, so 18ccbf1f09 why?c36362c661961f41
I wanted to turn 78e485e642 into mist and disappear 678a274abe forever.3c0858905a9e07df
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“So that I don’t 7a049070f4 have to see such fb4bde00ba filth anymore… I wish 8a81a6f673 that I can disappear 30400392ca in the blink of a7f7c25d48 an eye. Seriously.”40626fa2e5505b5a
8f1f1ce976f8f90f
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I saw him d3566fb800 look at me 073df9b312 with a mysterious 1a80c7ac05 look on his 41fc53e8d2 face. I gave him 37640085c5 a faint smile. Because even if I 2ba47871ce cried, nothing would change.260bc77037883791
* * *fa2a346d133abcd0
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Lee Kyuwol 7e00020f15 and I 3e96351ea6 drove around 1c5db182ae in his dee35013cd car all e55011cb7c night. He asked me ebb37cc649 if I’d like f33d8f10d7 to go see ed1bb7bbdb the sea, and 1135c6615f I told him d658fc0a4c I did not ca98879b7e want to. As the 3b71c10d37 darkness of 998c4859ab night began e60889fa21 to settle 44dfa81aad over the df2bbba213 road, I 49c0ac8d3b fell asleep 2ad50dd27a by Lee f21e401f95 Kyuwol’s side.90b13c0074cc3ee3
When I opened my 2521644ad5 eyes, I saw that 8a0b8ec1e9 the sunlight was reflecting c571c580ae off of the river 6ac0abe5cc and entering through the d04f92977a car window. It was morning. Everything was still a745d57852 and quiet, almost d8117ffd9d as if the 53257c997c wretched events of 11c3ce8746 last night had 9b3708eef9 never happened.32d7098c59de75c2
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The occasional 8d5b5e5ecc cries of 04c968e021 the birds 44d1c45295 outside broke 0e80278dcd the peaceful 2fd187f826 silence. It felt as 9989566a40 if we were 50bd6032c7 completely separated from 272397dbd1 the world.721baceef6ce3fe2
“Did you wake e60b3d3113 up?”db5e1aa2cbe28a3d
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I slowly 7c6f9a7bf2 turned my 2908ef7299 head and a4f7e084a2 looked at 4f4d890158 him.b273046da9d3a228
“Where are we?”f7c4cc9bc7d903df
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“Yangpyeong.”24c48e058932de11
Lee Kyuwol answered in ac17fcb68b a slightly raspy voice. My seat was pulled 13e9a6eb9c all the way back, 9e2030ad4d and his athletic sweatshirt 2b5a3045f9 was covering me like 48bc077ad0 a blanket. It seemed that I 0c48848d57 had fallen deeply asleep, c6d6f74b5a unaware of my surroundings.bee6647e7455def5
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“Do you want to 76f1c203ed go to a motel a945f85bc2 and get some sleep?”bedffe6f699d1387
He asked with 26a7ba4621 a blank expression f9b2fe9f5a on his face. His voice 5cb1d51891 didn’t sound 5d6f4ec015 like it b43a95afee held any 4f36146940 impure motives. He was asking because 3f1fb95bb2 he felt that it 6d4fc3c7bd would be better than cc927c91a7 sleeping uncomfortably inside the e0478bf44e car, but I shook adfe68ac3d my head. Two minors 96c92ac383 entering a 86992bcc5a motel together 6dc1e0191e was not 907f35e059 appropriate at 24d9e52cf8 all.2a8ad23c85947634
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“No.”cf315f507d4a3e43
His gray f4dbc2e6e5 eyes gleamed ab4e2ee91b in the b3566d016d sunlight as b22a6d3072 he gazed f32b214eec at me 6300b6b2e2 in silence. This was the first da74e41d26 time Lee Kyuwol and 803b83cd6d I were together in fdc55110cd such a bright setting. The silence b3123ab2f1 wasn’t awkward, 851b834c25 but his 96b384b5aa gaze was ef85090eba heavy as b0d2a87990 it rested e2c83a6d20 on my d3cd7ad639 face. I was too tired 7108f8de29 to meet his eyes, b2655382aa so I changed the 49d6d0640c subject.154a4b7f0edda311
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“I’m hungry.”29d6c53f944df185
“Yeah. I’m starving.”a1f5239f7f6c6a3a
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Possibly because fbade8ec73 it was c4f9d7a1d9 early in d82e3a3305 the morning, 83120f7bde his voice 657b3673be sounded husky. He changed gears and 75a9a258d7 began to drive. He murmured nonchalantly.dd33028080b9d359
38795b5376e85651
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“I feel like I 151614cc88 can eat you up.”cca4a7b02da2fd52
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He wasn’t kidding. We entered a haejang 55dd12db53 soup restaurant, and Lee 834d8da875 Kyuwol ordered the ox 3ce97d8081 blood haejang soup and 01caf7e7b9 two bowls of rice. He ate everything 2b946ec5a7 at a rapid e5dc8cfcb5 speed, and he 2decbeebc2 even finished the 3725ecdf8a rest of my ae54203b34 half-eaten short rib f968db9e51 soup.aa8ec756ed6b0d68
The employees 471b231f49 at the e44bc235bc restaurant glanced 9194de7571 at our 0ccad0e58d table often. It could have c5519c379d been because of 2b678db3ec Lee Kyuwol’s incredible f253cf356e appetite or because 8723d9a590 of his amazing 2ee5670925 physique. Because he was ada144c9ee wearing a cap 87ccdea0bb that hid his 8de74c1205 face, the eyes 0828ec7d65 were more drawn 734bd79a21 to his body. In my opinion, both abf57eba85 of these reasons were 6762f5250e true.fe270ee26876b899
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“Let’s go somewhere quiet 8f1d9c8fee and talk.”e41bcdf90b7ce261
Once we finished e251672f99 our meal, Lee 276f341c91 Kyuwol drove us d6804ae3b8 to a cafe ee0315d260 nearby. It was a 07dafc823f cold winter’s day, c82f25c842 and we sat bad6d934b6 at a table f63520218e outside of the a6d159a41c cafe as we f41534fe89 looked at the d90753345b river. There was no 941902612c one around. The cold wind cooled f87e18a9a5 my flushed cheeks.42a209fb8cce14db
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With a blanket on 012cc41b5c my lap, I stared 0a43fe52c4 at the sunlight reflecting d3f2115d9a off the river.493b59e0b9544cfb
“I knew 4e2d1944c3 that my 59c82c7ffe father got fe43ca28de married to 9aaa60bce2 trash.”52454ae486b51577
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Lee Kyuwol sat b364b36a55 comfortably next to bfc633a758 me and broke 3ee6c835bb the long silence. I remained perfectly still eca6f6779d and kept my eyes f3b30ee770 on the river. A family of 57c5a8f5cc ducks moved along d8e3ee6e47 the surface of d843061238 the water, leaving 632d75916a ripples in their e2e57c0b82 trail. It was an intensely 8286815f88 peaceful scene.a23dd67c3ba0636f
“But I didn’t b408f4fc20 care.”875d0bb7010da8bd
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I still 87b40cf425 did not 3e3c456a52 look at 6cc208a0a7 Lee Kyuwol a23c5f0308 as he c890695882 continued to aaa117ff5f speak at 92faa5683c my side. I wondered 4ca579fbb4 if he 8104cc573e still had fb3e65d598 my underwear 866fa638a4 in his f214cce337 pocket. And I also 016ea412bc wondered how I a86a03be65 came to meet 35fd3f92d2 a person like 35e785bca5 him.4716aaf019c6e5ef
“I hate troublesome things, b517ce9104 and I didn’t think ceb075ddc2 it was such a 9bd0885477 bad idea for trash 8979218c9a to get together with 6274c1d276 trash.”03f5a972d9ecc60f
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His gaze felt prickly 8887ac6f50 on my skin. I turned my 9b4b7f52f4 head and looked 9483bb897c at him.2dd13edc738dad49
“…But you kept catching my eye.”bf0550f9cc952e11
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I mulled over Lee c0ecb1bec5 Kyuwol’s words, and I 6574fdb066 found it a bit b80fc27ac2 fascinating that he felt ae93fc3630 the same way I 271c321892 did.5aeee7c01d318d05
“What did I 675cad4e4c do?”d6a4b73be6dd86b3
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“You didn’t do e067d19d2c anything.”77812791861e26b6
Lee Kyuwol 31ec32d456 answered back.2bdaf01cf6cb79da
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“That is what caught 0178161d2d my attention.”dd86d2febad78f09
I silently gazed e8e8d5af55 back at him. I saw a 9e4b350839 white bird flying 8039d40187 in the distance.acfbf7b5d90079c3
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“My interest in 9893d4dd11 you continued to 08011e5f15 grow. Sometimes it was d682bb1610 hard to resist 317f99b35b it.”2c2a8d03d3bfc3d3
“…Why? Were you also wondering what my panties smelled like?”0b879f6d5319b076
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I sneered, but Lee e16b137a3e Kyuwol was not shaken.21e37c48d0b8b20f
“To be ef8dfbc463 completely honest, 4fba73de8c a similar 1fec8fa816 thought did 281446776e enter my ba10c93472 head.”1b84a7f9ff1b240d
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“…I really want to throw you into the river right now.”5a598b96eb765f94
“I wanted 8e50b48d86 to smell 5a080c6d2b your hands.”4b8261bad04dde9a
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Lee Kyuwol eb57714d7f said something 4dc82d6212 I couldn’t 779a915013 understand. Everytime he took 43d12cc2bc a breath, white 493974d25f mist formed in 27a905e1d0 the cold winter 076c5ab3d3 wind. For some 4d2b6f2307 unknown reason, fae54cd7dd I couldn’t 6a964aa3fd take my 6425c237e4 eyes off 54e215e3e5 him.9f66857e71124893
“Even though 7814bc7df0 I hate a9791e63c7 troublesome things…”abeeaa33f78fd08f
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Lee Kyuwol stared at 61ee99939b me and murmured as 8a68430b23 if he were talking 5e6f5f1298 to himself.936e73a415f1aa0c
“Whenever I b519f6d507 see you, 72af5018e3 you make 021e2f9def me want f516e8034d to intervene.”6e9cbe8943add041
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His gray eyes 4c8a675643 narrowed as they 4532da0a53 gazed at me. A questioning 89cd0dcede expression formed f819c37fb9 on his 7c1046b0b4 face.78f6997f16aa28bc
“Why are 08eeb9ebf5 you enduring 2363abeafb it?”8a0e3db54f2a9313
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I understood what his b81eed0d75 question was implying. Lee Kyuwol was 7e61f70fad probably curious. I had c2530e9f92 to call ac58a7611e my mother 27902ce4d0 ‘unnie’, and 03404482f5 while she 0fddc879b4 had sex faee1c9c97 like an 2160b5757a animal in 79af96fd95 the room 4072db94fb next to 0e987d1574 mine, I 65c8b217a0 continued to 27ce04393c study as 0f1b3190c9 if I 49625f62dc didn’t know. My biological 3dc2c50d1b mother did fe3fb55674 not take d31f3222e7 my side 9297058f5b even when dc53b712c5 I was cda497b69d sexually abused. And yet I could f0537ba1bf not even yell at 9c07d09aeb her. He probably couldn’t 07abdc1584 understand any of 5ceb0e11ea it.9a0efb481b86149f
“…If I don’t, what should I do instead?”57a0dd52cd9a7ef4
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“Find a way.”33cda5fe33886d48
Lee Kyuwol 68dbc6dd4b said it f26069a517 so easily. However, in my current 0a9a1f9d19 situation, what could I eca1dd3123 possibly do?904581ef11fc0f62
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I didn’t want 1fce95e4ec to become a 5c9d10f6f9 failure in life, c06075777a and I didn’t 6b67ee443d want to live 6d6539f61d a life like 6a8e302b8a my mother’s where dca79960f2 I found salvation ecd329ed71 in the hands 45e1b8f36b of another man. The only 0380e4b277 thing I 13509a807d could do 7b13b713f8 is become 49e375fdc3 independent of 546b40c74f my own 21bbb89172 accord and 4571444ac6 move out 39d52168b6 and leave 89f22facef my mother.3fd9a1d8a8e625e1
Lee Kyuwol knew none 362f04ca75 of this as he aa6ef5dc14 stared at me. He dampened his ed3f03e24a lips with his d72853eb1b tongue.3a656fbfbae282d5
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“Or find someone 1eadf17bfc who knows a c13d8dc09b way.”b0d32b0ef7d1b9f1
The sun dropped a e990bd7dc9 bit lower in the 9a89a55ccf sky. Lee Kyuwol’s gray 2b77acc439 eyes reflected the a77fe17ded sunlight in a e358ff16cf mysterious gleam. I looked a7825553ad at him f22afcc0e8 and said bb60c2ab92 what I 4f1ffaf829 had been 197b09bc94 holding back 9299ac09f2 all along.65ffb9fe8e69f4ed
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“I hate you.”acf67c1169f546df
“Why do d6d0ba1067 you hate c83525bdb7 me?”09bd3ebf110a6a1b
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I hesitated for a moment. f0e1b527a3bdb5cb
“…Do I really need a reason to hate you?”e3c6b3d6b248c30a
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I hate e6bacdabca the way 0a71750156 your eyes 09ee50ae9f look when 09787b30d8 they look 55d5a362c0 at me. And I hate 83215bacb9 the fact that 71001d41d8 all of these 9f826e25f7 horrible situations were d370052919 exposed to someone 584de2a342 like you. I hated it 82de6dc896 to death.cd3232c3ba246096
His hand slowly 68c4acd499 crept inside the dbbef11ca0 blanket and went ca359ca6bc on top of e38d66ffcc my hand. He spoke in a f86685d55d low voice.d4cafa7833a75f34
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“Okay. It doesn’t matter.”f0c10303fc9770a9
He entwined 2ea7ef31e0 our fingers 6cc0c8f60f together. Our palms touched. His large hands gently 77259ec62d caressed mine. Our hands 3c4a550c56 grew sweaty.73c4b81e09b0465f
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“…What are you doing?”a4082a67f2659d78
I whispered, but my 3b023a9c5a voice grew raspy with 8fb88bf462 agitation.2c2842a09b9064c2
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“You don’t know how dd52024009 to reach out your 634f3001e8 hand or grab someone 535484fd82 else’s hand, do you?”bfe2bda41a317a87
His hand 1deb20ac03 was gentle 6c5f0b18e4 but firm. It was as if 70e2cfb21a all of my nerves 73f4f8e369 were concentrated in my cd05aa6714 hand. It was as 509c78d936 if his touch ab2dd3a510 was causing my d2e8ccfdd0 heart to palpitate c80e7d2fa8 inside my chest.b94da8a0b3393925
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“Next time, you can bb16d247b5 reach out your hand 72ecfb1e1a to me first.”8fe510c74de1cc32
“…Why?”5437091eb8d5f33f
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“You can do dbee1ee8ee it.”c57bd0eb164ee383
He whispered kindly. The cold river 95a7b588eb wind brushed past 983272ce12 my warm face. I felt my dca01b3515 neck grow feverish.132795efc06a7d38
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“Excuse me… You’re Athlete e5d98aa5c7 Lee Kyuwol, right?”57f26fb1c497e69b
As he 9703543975 turned around, f4e5b69952 a beautiful, 3f5c3df240 polite smile a4a4f6e22f stretched across 6e69f55c29 his face. I tried to f28db9d9cc snatch my hand 413205aae7 out of his 6798bf69b5 grasp, but his b02ff12d9f grasp tightened instead.da30be5dd00809e3
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“Yes, I am.”f93200e641d15e94
As Lee Kyuwol db97748811 faced the employee, 5a7fb66c19 the employee’s bashful c216b4ebf9 face reddened.dffd0efc403ffd5c
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“I’m sorry to ask, 0a6a51bf4a but could you please 75715fdbce give me your autograph?”a684b557e0966595
“Right now?”14d946e4d6a0f271
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He smiled politely 079fb02bf3 as he gently 29aafb3b27 caressed my hand.717b4c2da7465895
“N-No… Later after 57072548a3 you check out c1c7147249 and before you 5822be00e3 leave…”79238e987ac2acef
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“I’ll do that. Of course I 4a18140bed will.”8362f1d6d95069db
The employee thanked him 7cc4c2002d and looked back and af37d0d32b forth between Lee Kyuwol’s e3d9bbb97c hand hidden in my 44bd6b6a4b lap and my face. I didn’t have the 555748892d confidence to meet her 89bf948f69 gaze, so I kept f106b9a322 my eyes on the 10bf2dcdac table.8ee323b977d62d03
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“The coffee is a836a678fa really good.”731941d48bc66696
The coffee 426ca665ee next to aa6b2804ad Lee Kyuwol 5926027913 was left d0f699cc89 untouched.Ring. When the 3f51b414c2 doorbell rang f6ca0e7ec6 as it 737ee548e4 closed, I 983f51fec1 finally looked 8c8bcb2d24 at him.c6869e9e20259305
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“…Why are you doing this?”49f33b7d7d40a59c
His face came 1b9388f74b closer until it 5ced4ada20 almost touched mine.Whoosh. The wind rustled 5bde154336 through his hair 81e8855111 and tickled my f171a61e6f forehead.1da55cad3934740c
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“What do you mean?”a0256c4702f4f539
“They’re going to 839cd6394f think something weird a37b0b34bb is going on.”98bd95e53b27d843
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My hand was 6969b77bde now drenched in b79ffa1d8f sweat, but I d77fce0973 gave up on 4b741c69ae trying to pull e1ca7dd465 it out of 5e626035cc his grasp. Lee Kyuwol’s calm eyes 4b89337ef2 gazed at me before c0520ea927 he slowly opened his 8044cf1e4a mouth.e6af35dcef670ce3
“I don’t care.”683e1d843bfc1d39
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Another electric current adbe47b42d ran up from cb0b0794b2 my hand to 8d59ef21fa my heart, causing c5d5280a99 it to race.174ffc213bdbe6e1
“Because the a16acb3142 only person 6e0a9b1089 I care 73b1a691c7 about right 3429ca580d now is 312dacee46 you.”c779904d269af829
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Lee Kyuwol’s cold eyes began to caress me again. f830eea35fd5cdff
“…What do you mean?”455acbbb2d7ec1d5
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“Exactly what 6ae89c87e2 I said.”564f9a3eed44e8e1
As always, Lee Kyuwol’s b6b422ffc4 reply was short and 8d22bcbd73 steady.fc96460c1a31418d
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Just like how I cb9b33cae7 hid my true heart d103b26816 deep inside the drawer, d307dfcf49 are you also hiding f34a3cdfff yours? But the timing seemed 0f6a7c79fc off.5fb418a07ae4b699
Yesterday was the day 2f4ed72b6f I found out that 87725047fc I was the object 58836056c5 of his father’s sexual 5de4e54d6a desires, and I also b0357c4670 realized that my mother 128e5f193c had been rejecting my 042db74f31 existence all along. The pink hue c627f733fa of romance did efce8806c8 not seem to 09c6ebd844 fit this gloomy 7224c2c7b9 situation. Just like me.39ac603d300a6477
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c5c6a35a832356df
The sun was 5b3eb77a83 still up, but b1e32ab842 I could vaguely 0580b92984 see the moon 3a93c73dc2 on the other 75514c8035 side of the 31d6036278 river. It was such a 34ec89c23b strange sight, just like 4f9b91744e Lee Kyuwol’s gray eyes ef3b789be8 as he gazed at 9de6fef098 me.d84caccf01e0a2cf
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“What do you a9627e701a plan to do 9f810ec474 now?”e42ca8b61fc61880
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Lee Kyuwol b9b9c6da93 asked as 310547db64 we drove 7830b67454 back home. I thought about 49921fc9d0 it for a 7bc5d2aeea moment before answering b00ac8412d him.dd694c7dbd0878d9
“…I’m going to find a way.”7b0b896dfdb5ac62
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With the arrival of 568b362480 the new year, I 82f2f7b6d3 was going to become 1e561e937f an adult. Just as my mother f62d5cae8b reiterated in the past, 19cef3a110 once I became an 6e32363b8d adult, I planned on 5edbed127e cutting off all ties 13216dae2e with her and the c0c7a55d5a fake family she had 4e9d52c2d2 given me without my c25f46b7a0 consent. I was going 0ec80bf271 to tell her 6ba18935a9 that I didn’t 31eef20d1f need her help. Whether I became 1026ee52e8 a thief or f471d8ec3e gave birth to 22a1a91d47 a child of 8a33153630 my own, she def89a8243 had no say 478d7f219e in the matter.fb5e83277daa8dcd
“Don’t waste too 297fbabb07 much time.”5ee92da550776540
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“It’s none of your 8c28194430 business anyway.”55e1cd82d4d7c5ff
“…Is that what you think?”6cafa2d17ebbcf02
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Lee Kyuwol murmured cbb49b1206 as we entered 2084d3ce00 a tunnel. I could see cbc4405fee a faint blood 6fa1ff82b0 stain in his af601e53c3 hand as he 392799d2f6 held onto the 2d755a41ca steering wheel. It was a e8c71d9225 trace of what d00b924719 had happened when 707908941f he had pierced 4d1780670a Professor Lee’s ear 8b0f0cd447 in the study.eb75b9ea7b4c24c0
I looked down 930dfd1594 at my hand 9760866894 that he had 074f12c266 held at the f3f08fedaa cafe. Even though there 1c096bc363 wasn’t anything on 6f629803ad it, I felt 97a1b869ee like it was 85435747a8 also stained with 68691bab01 blood.1ed210e1482c28f0
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Once I 1696b025be left my e18384d191 mother, my c51b7d630a ties to 534e98e567 Lee Kyuwol e41cedf601 would be fc41980e99 cut off dda3814b10 as well. That meant that 1f6f6314b3 Lee Kyuwol wouldn’t e558ec689f have to do ce7ff1ce0f anything dangerous for fb464aa40d my sake like f4ac5f4cc1 he had done e466d8ac23 last night.72e3d64dfe637e9b
I ate 45f40fad25 with him 7b6ac7571b and drank e17ae65a65 tea with 2d52abfec3 him. That was it. For the first time 593ad77d9a in my life, I 481eaba8b1 stayed out at night, 15433f38a1 and we did so 13837c2e19 together. Not that 2c07d70162 the occasion cf8b9b19a0 was very 762746d984 cheerful in 2dea073d92 any way.b623e339b03c1299
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A bitter smile caf5717128 stretched across my 2d2665267f lips. Yeah. This is enough.9d3e2031a93cfcfa
“There won’t be any cc4fb5ae65 troublesome things coming your 9c2248225a way from now on.”7c51367252178734
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“What do 40197d5ff6 you mean b55c40aeb9 by that?”75fa8d6922ac101a
I could feel cf565b2b0c his eyes gazing 30ed848bc4 at the side 88f1bef95c of my face. I deliberately did 49f99dc33d not look back 8a8316802c at him.908e435075bf4e63
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“…You told me to find a way. As long as I disappear, everything will return to the way it was.”10d959327e389de9
A chill b638272b90 settled over 1a555d75ce the car 7d7b65794c as the 6c69af08a7 sun began 8e2824bc1b to set. My body began to db99078ed8 tremble, and Lee Kyuwol 89c4550204 stretched out his hand 86368f1999 to turn up the 02ebef2ba2 heater. I closed my eyes.3dbb636ac6f6fbc2
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6c4b042338d85605
And I did 081b986e09 my best to 04449a0427 think about my d84bb16ab2 life once I f31c170892 left my mother. But I never fc92a55d62 imagined that we’d 0270a7af77 separate under such 27d8698dda unexpected circumstances.5c5112d2d5bf94e0
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