MM Ch 3 part 2

PR by nejida9c09c33df13da5

2 AM.d0e26a661633543e

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The warmth of the 0d20b101e1 heated room made me 8b7117ec74 a bit drowsy, so e11e08326b I opened the window 45348821ea slightly. The chilly stream a906809eba of wind quickly cdb76d8154 cooled the spacious c872d605dd room. With a blanket cda5850c12 draped over my 8ef6bdb936 shoulders, I rubbed 4bbef9459f my dry eyes d372df82ee with my hands. Then I went back 07273f1af6 to checking the notes d477539f87 around my wrong answers 90d4ec19f6 for the second time.63cd5495f27bea4f

a09cab69b5f0823a

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Please read the 701ea4e1ab following text and 05b785eb61 identify the implied 73ce1a864a meaning behind paragraphs c992f56dd5 a, b, c, 4ab70de3d2 and d.26a025732a25b141

I quickly read through a82f6ecf2c the paragraph and organized 81d8867b9a the themes in my ef96b2cc9a head.42a9725edd27c434

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One day, da4901200c a man 6e3695a390 woke up 00f64bcc52 only to 4e76cbf2c6 find out 4009127889 that he 6c39acdb31 had transformed 1735268653 into a e6fc21aaf9 bug. Unaware of why 3a29e17821 or how he 727563c9ad had turned into 46283a60a8 a bug, he d2e0ce8ebb endured the scorn ed335aeabc and contempt of 7d68a61547 his family.bf98da892e1487f3

The irrationality of existence, d53b43eda7 or the elemental loneliness c6223e3a92 of human beings. The answer ec5bf8df60 was number 6036bfe9a3 two. Check.03bdcbbddd0be159

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The head of f5b1bf5404 household who had 3956387dc4 been the main 8673ef8e4a breadwinner of the f43274db0a family had transformed 679e065f1b into a disgusting c7d78299e0 bug overnight. Soon, his family’s 6365305cf0 contempt began to 68dc450c71 bubble up to a5ff544968 the surface. He either shut 0a79e2ec17 himself in his e6b1cd7819 room or hid e4384f6209 underneath the furniture. The only a38680bd5e one in 71c8c12dd8 his family b427bd5b44 to take e7e8c669dd pity on 82ef61d410 him was 13283b1418 his younger ca9fb95b9c sister, and 1280de8cb1 he only 2449393339 managed to 3f9e625a3d survive by 7edd5ce691 eating the ca5a8d1824 crumbs of 4eaa17657e food she 08005a92ca brought him.81e454ff0d190208

The annihilation 74cc2087db and alienation 25a7c61f07 of mankind a2994536ab as mere 50d175ae81 tools in e34c18a295 a proprietary e3ddc8055e society. The answer fb5d5aeb7f was number 83b857249f four. Check.0a4262c214d5f47c

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“Ng…! Ah… Ahhng!”dfb28f32e6034f5a

Inside a quiet room 37fc52e4e0 where the cars outside a793fa09e5 could be heard so 854721210c clearly, my hand suddenly e04fb6e47f flinched and began to 544bc283fb tremble as it held a44a3bbb8f the mechanical pencil.4fafbf5d5da1736c

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My heart sank. I underlined ba1e9f6337 the same bd44f79689 word and 1593c777e7 moved my d5ebdd30dd lips as 5ab69b91df I tried ee1316199b to quickly f4d8f7768d finish reading 68be2efd57 the paragraph.d427300702b6bfc5

His family no 00c3c9f699 longer saw him 34fbfbd64c as human and 7d5476e717 began to treat 95269e1181 him like a 69c3f88a1d bug. They’d confine 756f733b04 him in 6a7c9f3cad another room 9dadf73ea2 and openly 16b1374e44 complain that 622e983c76 ‘that thing’ 1e5ab86cc4 needed to 3c5d52a1fc disappear.17e1627da8ce9ab0

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The severance 48b3237687 of family 0e29d63826 relations. The absence of communication.d1937aff611b0318

“Ah! Professor! Nng!”9cab8eba6979ffc2

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The man could aa383ace6f not speak, but 26b3068bc1 he could understand d3ec55c732 everything they said. However, because his d9f94a4807 appearance had changed, b9bf08a4de he was merely 2208ab93c5 a horrid bug 9d09b9324b in his family’s 00306fb802 eyes. They were worried that 1d7a7a2bd6 other people would recognize 3aef7b35c2 who he was. They wanted to kill 3d0ba7ded5 him.b4ec7ad1a5fc8c2b

“Ah! Ugh! Good! Nng!”6d7429f8b3422b50

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Damn it!ddf9f08d2bd02011

Tap. The lead of f1fd61f052 her pencil broke d4fd738664 as it ripped e72b28c595 through the paper. Instead of 0563325a01 answering the 5180d949a5 question, I d7016cf588 threw my bf37fa4061 pencil at 01b4ec3ac4 the window.3e1099c45f9299da

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“Haa…”5afc8f025db04400

I felt as 77dc98709b if my blood 739bad6cd3 had cooled in fac7c2874f an instant. It felt like my 8514f31627 racing heart was going a5d186be95 to burst out of f9c4a95a04 my throat.a6cc1884605f7dfc

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The room my f403e2a266 mother shared with faf1f32fb8 her husband was b778c49b96 on the other 4d975c2111 side of the 9053af69c9 house, past the 16c2e74cc9 kitchen and the b416cba5cc study. Even if they 987fe33b61 participated in passionate 3d3551cc5d relations as a abbc7d9386 couple, they were 0d01644b91 on the other e22c9baefa side of this f03d241a7f large space, so 303699910a there wasn’t any 8b6073df86 reason why I 96577d0d21 should have heard 2654eca820 them from my 4d934f70b7 room.feab540eabdcb146

However, I could hear 87b6eb26b3 my mother’s moans so a165289e38 clearly as if only c563a2da15 a wall separated us.0ca2f5a28a5b221c

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I recalled the 778bec9ffe nightmare from middle 25e2b48171 school. I hadn’t been b0829db186 able to go 1aa0c4f08d to the bathroom 965d3b0a9f because of the 27f58700ba way my mother 2ecbdd4f3d and her lover 873c29959b had acted like 1ad95ca095 beasts in the fd77bc7af4 shared spaces of 05ec37f316 the apartment. I held my bladder b61906cb1d as I waited but 487f21138d ultimately ended up going 5629f3f1f3 to the veranda and 3c26ef8aee urinating at the drain 482270c883 there. This had 4c1a7388da taken place 0be5cc37e5 on a 21a8e92c6c similar night 096c942737 like this 626a76f945 one.d92ef1a722dc25a7

My hand trembled and 14d89929ec my teeth rattled. It had been a c3baf40cf9 long time since I’d b89a5745d8 experienced the ringing in d0ea3e1e96 my ears and the 7d89a5affe vivid noises of sex, bdd42f8fbe but the shock had f04092ecf2 not dulled at all. Actually, it 9801b30024 seemed to add74e4150 have gotten 0479537bce worse. The rage caused 784cc2e38c my mind to a3f7244757 go blank.3f8cd972f1514543

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Lee Kyuwol had 41ec7ab19d already notified the 6b06ebb009 family that he f87adbe1e1 was going to 53a672bf25 sleep over at 3abebf9d21 a fellow athlete’s 3f699b6432 house tonight. The small sliver of 9803e7a2a5 hope I had placed 3f881163c4 in Professor Lee now 9456edfef9 shattered into a million ae8c254513 pieces.26a5eb6e8afa37e4

I was not amazed c77c014976 nor impressed by this 878b18e433 man, an educator who 301bcf6ce3 looked down on others f224409e5f from the ivory tower 3d696c9e83 his son had built. However, I 766a6facf7 had at af3b101a64 least expected 4034f0d6a5 him to 16e5d2bb4d be a 7d1ff55d80 man of 779a9999f2 culture and 42b6ac0cc1 reason. It seems my 864d483320 one-sided hopes were b1c2c400cd misplaced.9542ac190fa8a070

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My shortsighted 1549bd3e34 mother had 78b884335e managed to d6480574a5 seduce him, a193b82ab3 but how e592dd8eb1 could any fda46ff1bf sane human 9c6f53caf3 being start 2854c76645 having sex cacdd7927c like a 12a67a49b8 beast when 0e8ac0f259 the light e3f7530bcb in his 174b4858c9 stepdaughter’s room 43d8cc3f8f was clearly 379dda311b on next fba079fa49 door? Completely disillusioned, my efdca4e962 hand trembled as 40f8b8bded it crumpled the 33fe804a73 paper.bb710a146f5a457e

Thump.42dfa2259765e08f

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I burst out of ef27ddadf9 my seat, and my ee26a2491a chair crashed to the df20f47709 floor from the sudden 769fe45a59 movement. I walked 1760d79799 past it 3ae37deef3 and opened 4969573f55 my door. Sure enough, 6a0d750863 the panting 44e9e7c842 noises were 9ad78ae538 coming from d33405c798 the bedroom 13ca962157 next to 13147b4213 mine. It was an 453b61af03 unused guest bedroom 696c936f1f that was connected 09a4210971 by a powder a64610f669 room.fe7b1791c3a2dd31

Without putting 1c47abea4d on my 3193d7ea66 slippers, I 4d05c4cd3e walked barefoot 46ae0c0195 down the ec99116fa9 corridor that 16bd06a381 was only ed6e36cf49 illuminated by 4015ff8c51 auxiliary lights f00c3afb85 and made b549149267 my way c160d5b8a5 to the 29d69ddbef kitchen. When I regained some 94b4a98b17 of my sanity, I c12d8f41de glanced at the knife b91adeeb89 block and pulled out 8bf68c7196 a silver fruit knife. Then I walked back 887bd28ee3 towards the powder room 3ca9990a64 and stood in front 928988396e of the door as 71093b5773 my body shook.cef3bd17d4111e8c

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“Haa… Haa…”30f67d35dbfd2d33

I wanted to open this door immediately and shout at the rutting beasts inside. If you don’t shut up right this instant, I’ll kill you all. I wanted to yell and scream, but I remained frozen in my spot and couldn’t move. Wasn’t I the disgusting hypocrite for holding my breath and eavesdropping on their intercourse?42d21b8e3bac1f51

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“Honey, ah, 0ffbb64446 darling, aaahng…!”b1351c5ac256c634

“Ugh! Huu…! Ugh!”2f943283a7ea2ffa

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I could hear bda2107d32 the sound of 062e666742 skin slapping and 72333194ac my mother’s moans bb2c55bdbe growing louder. Professor Lee’s 96074a6070 breaths were 73ef698980 also quickening. I remained 226ef5f74c standing in fc4bdb4306 my spot b64f86e510 as if 8b84fe4230 my feet 7145677035 were glued 5526111eb6 to the ca8f1ea878 floor. I felt strange. Like a 6b11f00d5f suffering, helpless 5037059248 animal.94b9827bf3bfa8a8

“…That’s understandable.”f426208d2c9de6de

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I heard 8ac3d9df84 someone murmur 0e98fd5e36 from behind 4e91669081 me, and 0b5b50bcad my heart ed3a65cc13 crashed to bc30d6ca38 my feet. I almost dropped the 40e102f2a5 knife. I whipped 5dc4f2c1d8 around like 5f78c7e2ff a startled 01a2e570f2 animal.893e4b8d5d420f1e

Lee Kyuwol 3c32c2ed9f was standing 0e0eb49d0b in the df2a320b76 dark corridor. Holding onto c5e2463640 the knife 6cc54b35ac with both a3c1b23032 hands, I 835aedb51d trembled as abb39dcfae I let d858fe6fc2 out a ce3afbd4e8 breath.8296067e9c4c1a25

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I didn’t know a6d9d6771d why he was eacaae88f3 home when he f2bde1b2a0 said he’d be 118427efc5 spending the night 6b7935a952 somewhere else. Since when afad69ccc7 had he 01f1294985 been behind e5a7500a39 me? He looked at 4b2bfefbfc me with a 53ad9c4022 strange expression on 08620ca57c his face. With the knife d2ed3af295 pointed in his cb3058d93a direction, I remained 8c691099f5 rooted to my 0f065a2172 spot as my cba0032fc6 body trembled. I could d7050e3597 still hear 2d99c347f7 my mother’s 0330c6f708 loud moans 513b4c9217 through the 4200f19745 powder room 3d93e42adc as she e8949fdd8c had sex 6dd486c59a with Professor 7bed5e54ca Lee.b27b542693804f04

Lee Kyuwol began to 0317687511 slowly approach me. I couldn’t even df6f3a25da look away from b015e785cd his gaze. A silence deeper than 5c2a8a14f0 the sea swirled around a7570553ac us, and it continued e1f7f1f68c to grow even deeper 41b8a24947 amidst my mother’s loud 9d12972d3b moans.3a0e96d142ced3ff

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He stopped and a9531f82c2 frowned as he 9e68bcb234 whispered to me 810363067b in a soft 2635dab012 voice.ad6fab411533bb4d

“This isn’t the first a1776ce1aa time this has happened, 30a8b0b532 is it?”71be6d45af370c82

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I smelled the 6fb3c94545 faint aroma of 4aa5de14e5 liquor on him. The dark corridor seemed c98e6805ee even darker. As my 584130d96a heart jolted cb98f4e905 inside my 3e85413d27 chest, I 15e9ff170c felt a b33b101e97 wave of 8aea7bfc5f anger rush 2cc4e4d345 through my 9a84b2b53d veins.70a37d664822b370

“…Shall I kill them?”18b780b15f71f0ed

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He didn’t pay e6a9545e5a any mind to 83103233f3 the knife in 05cb224f23 my hands. As if he a3a48e6d04 didn’t care about 0945faa731 my dangerous, sensitive de1df02138 condition, he took 280c9f4cba a step towards 6760f06c58 me. My mother’s a10b814753 moans grew 1ec2c82367 shorter and 5386c23cbf faster.Smack, smack. The sound 206f454f78 of slapping 85ead49cf2 skin rang 9e5f28a1d4 in the 0c57313e48 air.2a32f16307e28418

Holding the knife f28ac42c61 in both hands d029cfd439 inside this dark 4651ff29dc corridor, I drew fd926e3b2a in a ragged 7d1f1038a8 breath and bit 1e6391e43f down on my bed1d55c5d lips until they 1595d4c221 bled. Lee Kyuwol 48d605474e raised a e2fa4be635 brow and 4bded41055 murmured again 4657bfa5ba in a 8704a70810 clear voice.310f156b602d39db

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“It’s annoying, so… 8525fed173 should I just 5a75b6c9e6 kill both of 37a1180ba3 them?”5203cbc1246a4987

His voice 27b0f4bd3d slightly went 0e296e4e98 up an acc2ee0310 octave as df06f705e4 if he 9dfa5e3b24 were excited. If he had gotten 5f2c0b318a excited from listening to 12dfd922a3 a live performance of 5bd18ed740 my mother’s sexual intercourse, 0046d6078b I would not have 9c09184204 been able to criticize 1dfe11fdd7 him.5608e9cd515dfcef

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“Huu…”f3517cd1928a9c69

With my teeth 5c8b56613b clenched, I let 572e34fe6f out a sigh, 3afd7a7039 completely humiliated. A moment that 22520a4934 I did not 7a6d74a5b8 want anyone to f9fbf7af60 see was exposed, 0b05f35a65 and I was d22519b94a overwhelmed by a 41fcead2d3 sudden urge to 9665a078a2 disappear.d422e0b149c1b252

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Lee Kyuwol had c478dc51d5 not only caught 3195406b54 my mother and 5bb49db62e his father having 162916ed65 sex.a5eefd606d72ffe4

He knew that 923773c285 these two completely 0240af41e0 ignored my existence 06e3bd1672 in this home. He saw my truth 4e77a127ce and how I wanted a464a47175 to kill them. However, I didn’t 55bf7798f0 even have the e1e784dc3a courage to follow 9c0ffb6913 through and merely 0187231c79 trembled as I ca45915243 held a knife c286b25a47 in my hands. He’d seen 7a776db366 it all. I gave 68b3ebaa18 up and c2e10f5433 looked away 407dbaadd2 from his 10c6a5bc9d eyes. I could only scurry 39d4444b04 away like a cockroach.aff86807a0466a64

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“Aah, hng! Aahng! Ah, honey, good…!”4767273d9eb352fa

I returned to 04b10adf4b my room and 541e471036 slammed my door b64a92d9e1 shut, but the dcc213114e sounds continued. My body db6f48948c went limp, 8f1412b045 and I bc51aeddb9 flopped down ef98a47c25 on the f3c11eba53 edge of 56a655e67d my bed. I gazed out 8defb1cd36 the window at 88c43080c9 the twinkling lights 0d74304331 of the Hangang 26f0ca1734 Bridge.03f201b9ba6ba591

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“Haa…”817d1bfd19ac3cdc

A long a30d8b207e sigh left 0ae341068d my trembling f4a15f55b0 lips. If I fell 72090216a0 from the twenty-sixth de204df6c9 floor, it would 7af102bda2 be an instantaneous e980d153b3 death. However, if I opened b3bc00e3c8 the window and jumped 6dd626f6ba out right now, it 20c38fcd28 wouldn’t feel right. It would be too 2deb40dc42 much of an excessive 323fd015ef gift for my mother.97197bbf2185f83c

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I could 369d937f00 still see 32b118065e the knife 2b48dea0a4 trembling from c100ad2106 my peripheral 08d3d34b10 vision. It was a well-sharpened 84fb2f3e52 knife made out of 56baf21366 stainless steel. It faintly reflected c618eb682a the light and 7b6886da12 gleamed silver. It seemed to be 8c5255e5ab speaking to me. Telling me that 37045efd7c there was nothing 90b21914ba better it could 98f8b0d032 cut than my dc1a772809 own body.f5a886b5b87d6897

Die. You can just 3df0eb0b36 die. Either way, living 6a934e3d3d doesn’t truly feel f6e5a7fa43 like living anyway. Right?b00601ed71bf14ab

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I slowly brought ed3259b7c6 the knife to fe294adb5f my left wrist. I saw the blue 4bd6d22531 veins running beneath my a6d7a0a968 pale skin. If my mother e13188cbce discovered my bloody acdfd1c2ec corpse first, would ead828903d she cry for 1972a7eae4 me out of c4dc0de725 guilt? Or would she scream 75571125cb out in shock? Either way, just the eaffa3a8bd thought of her reaction 98053503f1 alone made my body 1456145ad6 tremble with delight.a662c81a9ccb0402

Within the darkness, 131e19b3b4 my bedroom door 443a01acee silently opened. Lee Kyuwol saw 7917a4d99b me sitting on 42037a60d2 the edge of 0a25ce1cb5 my bed, clenching 654fa30949 the knife. He slowly 689456a41b walked over cb7e603eed to me 23c1b12f37 and didn’t 27dd4fa836 react at 6e2279ff0c all.5304ad1981df238a

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Tap.77fc6c9d76b17551

He fiercely grabbed 34f8d5c31b my wrist, and 5e2063da40 the knife automatically 7f1753a885 left my limp 12bfad8e24 grasp and fell d518531ce3 to the floor. I watched fd9bf1aa0c him pick 643b33cf3b it up, d489adddc0 walk over 9b7794b06d to my e02f48693e desk, open 0ec35a423e the bottom 9dd513c8ce drawer, and 1a9b462545 throw it f6535e05da inside before cf2d58602c closing it. I gazed at him 884dc2bdbc like a person who 3a94ad544e had lost consciousness.21e2a62e219360a0

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After he returned 3855bd0d20 to my side, 51eecef039 he slowly bent 5d85674164 down. One of his 01749a2c18 long legs knelt e795c49e87 on the floor, 19de646a20 and his face 9ff8877c40 was at my 302375a45b eye level. A dim, b4013c3efc deep silence 823f29b614 flowed in 00e1da720c between us 32838c7607 once again.f7267d0e2a696eac

The sexual intercourse 1863cce4d4 was still in 13cba85ea9 full swing one 2e3486ff98 wall away, and b228acd2ec Lee Kyuwol and 758858b58d I were in 0159992ebe the same room. There was nowhere 09ec050e4b left for me bac50327da to hide.b2764184d095a4ec

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“Aah, honey…! Honey, honey…! Nng! Haa, nng!”e2452d91c7b80afe

All of this 0735daf96a was my fault. I painfully bit 24121c4e35 down on my 0add12335f lips.7b1e9b2e1d937fed

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Yeah. This is e6a57ff2a9 my parent. I didn’t 7528a75c74 even amount 93ae81f8fe to an 68ce0ed978 insect in 37e717d903 her eyes. I was 98d8070fd8 merely a 682f41d5aa cockroach hiding d116bda651 in the f896472e77 room next 1757ee0d86 door. I also 0e1bd2efd3 did not 419b83da73 know why 714210d7d0 I was 8906ebc718 still alive. If I were 1e4a673dbe just an insect cdf49a2d32 from the very 9728ca6c97 beginning, why was a128c60b81 I even born 0c35dc2542 in the first a26a4bcf66 place?bba819a37d4c25c6

The screams f874a2332f I had 043df49e07 carved into 852e4b7e36 the journals 0c2ec6f7cf I had f0a1cdccd4 already burned 800a633087 to crisp 88106640cb were now cbe7612c4f silently being 0ba2396693 whispered through db841f5f7b my eyes 4eeda6a7d9 as I dddc2f8fb6 opened my b12797dd95 lips.d169fe3421c25417

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“…Don’t you know… how to knock?”9f24863f93aba9cc

My voice trembled b5d9a5da4d because I was e86aa4aaa0 trying to hold fec865643a back my tears. I knew e954cedd2c better than d8c3285f52 anyone that cf9befd794 what I cbaa1fa5ac just said 89a7140faf was ridiculous f4826f4303 in a 1879695b07 situation like f2c24ed39b this.c0a8a29d2bb822d5

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Even if Lee Kyuwol ff68b01874 sneered at me, it 42fedaf399 didn’t matter. No, rather, I wanted 97a3e03a54 him to look down 28a61e07d9 on me. Isn’t it 120c164061 ridiculous that 5814a2ef4c you’re pretending 01e23972cd to be c5f02dd567 strong in 7d82bda1c6 front of a953c3dcf2 me? Do you bc2599cc8c even have 5629e72652 the right 8a2a252b29 to act 542837c962 all confident d68b2114ed and arrogant 5d536db339 in front 69de23dbae of someone 42a538243b like me? I would have rather b620dd533f wanted him to ask 22c57f3567 me these things as d5beeaf06c he looked down on e5d36a7aec me.4b17f010d7d9fde9

“Sorry.”0de4f949d3124b55

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Instead of e8bb76715e sneering at b907270547 me, Lee 8157d42cfc Kyuwol apologized 5ed17b900f in a d522b1af98 curt voice.2bcab68da3d24798

“…Get lost.”7984ae5a242754e7

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My eyes grew warm. This was ed7f49f142 why I e7c8579e8f hated him. Even though he 1426cf704c looked at my c9e3061b9c scowling face and 8d94192dc1 saw all the 198686fc66 twisted thoughts inside 189e8e20fd my head, he 2e3d58bd30 didn’t look away.da5d4f502cdcd5df

“…I said get lost.”90b4c63d156121f6

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“Sorry.”91a88f7b7c95d203

Although I hated how 118b4b51da they had sex for 721ce80189 everyone to see, I 5deb1e0a12 was helpless to do 0d627ab959 anything about it. Instead of calling bc65180cf8 me a silent 4103bfe342 doll and criticizing f964b55eed me, he whispered fae3b49286 to me as 2d0233b7f6 if to console b1262f783f me, and I… 30db21b098 hated it.f1ab38c331a37f11

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“Ah! Aah! Aahng!”a6e6322e7be224c6

The actress 74769aa5a6 one wall 32e662dc7c away let ad9f803f00 out her ed52865cf7 shrill cries c8048f6235 as if 502ad3d6f7 she were b4bb51f95c shooting a 8ae8184c31 pornographic video.e89b74a256b4b6c1

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Lee Kyuwol’s 5a5c8a4774 piercing eyes 099bf7a568 watched as 751a284907 I bit 410fab38b7 my lips 9ae2cb3449 and slowly 07d47eb9b3 lifted both c276c81f00 of his f75a1d7b36 hands. A familiar 05913472e5 warmth touched 3ee781a3d3 my ears. The layers of sand 7f289a5b15 walls that surrounded me a6999dfd83 suddenly melted away.7bc545c6592cd04c

I usually avoided ffb8e4e0b6 making any contact c02aeaa0e6 with strangers, but ec6b02096a I was unable 2ff83f7ca5 to pull his 95080a2492 hands away from 0915233ab8 my ears. All I could 7bd1a0c98a do was lower c4135ce467 my heavy eyelids e4ba2c2a62 and close my 9ed3b91cd2 tear-filled eyes.9fd73f2f1342df41

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Drip, drip.d43558f69e9af876

My sorrow had reached 6dc647ecf8 its limit, and it 6cb0876aac began to trickle down bdcf06585b my face before splashing dd1f31494c onto his body. Because his large hands 9cfe8aa9a1 were holding my head, 4d2b51d916 I couldn’t lower my 2cef24d1cc head. All I could 77a3c80de4 do was close 63c2e16a61 my crying eyes 3789761310 and bite my 719e5d95a7 reddened lips.bc9898d738064241

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When I c59afe4a6b was very 3b84eb8efc young, there 7bfe8d608e was a 198a5f9957 time when dc4c5ec1ca I went d48eedc52e to the 2910809878 beach during 38693ba34f the wintertime b48af3fcfa with my 2b630eb8bd mother and 03d5caf787 some unknown 0ae16fc606 man. That was the 73fac14dbc first time I’d 547744aade seen the sea 1766b7ad4e with my own 2c8ea52686 eyes. The waves crashed down a0ab4cbcb7 on the shore and 9770dffae5 bubbled away. I couldn’t look b4904eff1b away. It was overpowering. I faced the salty d7bf5664f1 wind and stood there 3463a7d495 for a long time.8d464843d096a5fc

I looked 7e4e93d86c far off 897aa1aa69 into the ec7c12a335 horizon and 9d0b615080 saw where 45361888e7 the sky 4de0fdc1e5 touched the f3ef465ca9 land. As I 1058827b1f watched waves bcd1508990 that were 988bd1fdf7 larger than c791c43152 me crash 63be5357da down, I c792506b2f was filled 5323f02f19 with awe. With my 719bcf5173 mouth wide 4bea324fb3 open, I f7da9df48a watched as 5689ddec09 if I 91fdfd3341 were bewitched. In the blink of 5e6269029c an eye, the wave b6e388b03d towered over me and d5f041e85c swallowed me into complete ba5e27b9a7 darkness.68801348f79438c9

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I was swept away ee1d204575 in an instant. My limbs floundered, 4de04bdfd2 but my feet b0026aecce did not touch 29780e395b the ground. Extremely salty water entered 157947bce7 my eyes, nose, and 098237f8b0 lips.ac8f78f794c6dec4

Save me.09b845e02e414da0

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Someone help me.36b2a24e88201902

Please save me.f4b857e3d72af282

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As I writhed ff430b8071 in the water, eab5a225e5 when I opened d4faf3ba82 my eyes, I e49c5814d1 was spit out 584bfa3976 by the waves fc6bdbe8f1 and was crawling feb86ca5b7 on the shore. My mother, 2191992925 who had af3efc4569 been smoking ec0a034247 somewhere far b61f66424b away, and 369e639b7e the unfamiliar ef7c64ce37 man finally 0f248edbf3 discovered me 16032368a8 and began d1f21372c4 to run 1cf05cc91e over. I saw this 6eebab08a2 last before I b11ec16aaa lost consciousness.0ed08b0cbfef6077

1f0706278d94991a

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It was the 61c20c806d first instance where 29c95b02af I realized how 4520ce362c small and insignificant b683bc0cdd I was in 675a83b097 the face of 909d6fd1ca Mother Nature. The moment I c5138e964c was swallowed up c63f22e7d0 by the sea, 2989d48ff9 I realized that 04c8cba145 I was alone 0c48780555 in this world.ea2a80140c0d0130

c8c2820f9e1f34e2

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“Whenever you 7fde8f502c want to 90e9a5f023 see the fa2a5813dc sea, all 5db89ea9bf you have dd5186687a to do 31e55906d0 is bring bbe6cf0c76 this to f637b795ea your ear, 5326be876e and you’ll 568832f241 be able 07d85b4ea1 to hear 3c0e66f785 it. So don’t 0df3afc4a2 do something 7d3c9aeb04 so dangerous 0b58390fb3 ever again.”bee4e993fbe4a218

2f2888130c7ad0e6

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As I 515e0502b3 was lying 1109b41eb8 in a 5018c1b171 hospital room, 6c11963d77 the man ee08aeab67 held out 8684de88c3 a conch 68e03a96a0 shell to 7fb6a9d166 me. Could he have been e7ea105768 my biological father? Or was 93018afd69 he just 7a05b2c746 one of 8255fe4eff the countless 4b02f319a4 men my 801739b2c3 mother dated?f6ce45b88678541d

The only thing certain 76e57b07d8 in my foggy memories 0542ce9492 was that when I 09330528be woke up in the 7641fbd8b1 hospital, my mother was 64d0c3f921 not by my side. I was 8132dd0b62 a cumbersome 4e55b7d9cd existence she dcfe350858 had to 88bdf7ae6e hide.1de5988fda301b48

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After that day, I 0a464bf611 never returned to the 07e1b2b64f sea. And I never b2a39cb57c brought the conch e5e98a42d8 shell to my fd27a447c2 ear. I was afraid 20c6c715da of the sea. I did not want 1e555c6139 to remember or experience c786f25700 the intense loneliness ever ea3e6e0a2e again.11737f63f1366401

When Lee Kyuwol 91b9cd8621 covered my ears, d6c8f101c7 I didn’t hear 194ac6bcbe the sea. All I could 029f445221 hear were my 33eecbc53f cries growing louder b4fd700c8b and softer. Just like the 5b3a6ebfcf days of my e9c4c3d86e childhood where I 1663ac3d62 was unable to 311ed990a0 endure the intense ca9c66d38d sorrow surging up, 7d40e4b851 I felt like 68e68c7f1f I was crying f13bca4b9d underneath my blankets.45b3e12b1f25c439

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As loneliness continued b792dc91d4 to burn within b4832c3f0b me, I slowly 3269ac5416 opened my eyes.78d1847e285787d1

Lee Kyuwol dbd4f4b0a4 was here. As if he ef9e0ee4e4 were here all be0652465d along. As if he were 46a7edf283 a part of the a005344c63 darkness all along, he b610c99f0e was watching me. The faint bad5e482fb headlights of 7e173f1f40 the cars 00577a07a9 crossing the 738de9233a bridge outside f54cae77d3 the window 9a2940db4e illuminated his 1f41bd3a9e face.4be3c350e75f551b

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“Ugh…”144c271a6d7ba184

I couldn’t e7b4c4bc26 stop the 07ac90416e cry from 1fd26abd37 bursting out 91db1ae073 of my 22971e9b1c lips. In this moment 0a5e31f556 where I felt 6ff0e7cb75 incredibly lonely and 43fc3a37d2 humiliated, I felt dcd6c2fcc7 relieved that I 0f76cd40bb wasn’t alone.85859f0509e8aa0c

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In the moment when 3fdc3280d4 I wanted to give ea6dfb2956 up on my life, be227183e7 when I felt terrible c63bc64515 and frightened, I was 16e84de8dc not alone. Someone was abf12ffe61 by my 70768d1c6b side. This fact filled me aeb453275f with such intense relief 0470719830 that my body couldn’t 6c15b48351 stop shaking.edfda6b41bad88bc

“Huu… Aah, uugh…”857d5ff7ecb3a557

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Suddenly, I 1f47215886 realized how ccace0549a much I 6e7f15400b had yearned b1d0d7a927 for someone’s b28a560ad0 touch. My desire to b31b5ec3be be alone and c4743cef3e solitary had been dc2ad4738e a bald-faced lie. If it 71855fe2b5 were true, 7f9e9f5bd4 I would 87c3e73494 not have 380482edea felt such 2043b9f2c2 relief at 13cd1be6da the fact 316742aa76 that I d65827d3d1 was with 0cb9df6ddd someone now.b9fb6681aac87bde

Until now, deaae685e4 these unfamiliar 8d10338621 emotions had 302f3df614 never burst ba79312c1f out of b6c0b9d18c my lips. All the pent-up loneliness a77832926f was released through my 31c60c8fa7 salty tears and trickled 537e186df1 into my mouth. My face twisted underneath 67b45b5ac9 Lee Kyuwol’s gaze as b72e1f7328 I cried like a 4bc36fa339 child.23a44202c8f0916a

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My mother’s moans gradually faded away and grew faint. I wasn’t sure if it was because they had finished having sex or whether it was because my ragged breaths grew louder and choppy. Lee Kyuwol continued to watch me until I fainted due to exhaustion and fell into bed. 9948888717735304

I woke c388ae752e up when e070e24fae the alarm 1a50bd89bb clock on 5cc0e8daa3 my desk 7e9fa509f9 rang. Lee Kyuwol had 35261aaac3 disappeared. Everything had returned to 08db7fb969 its place, and it 7abb707416 was now morning.637695e6451abb54

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Like a dry, withered bf2cb270ae plant, I feebly got 7aff155557 up and walked to ececf087a3 my desk. I opened 1c2ee15dc5 the bottom d8dabd2bc8 drawer.b37f8f6ca2076262

I saw the 746acb7783 silver knife that fce5da72fa Lee Kyuwol had 53b27c36bf thrown into the ab90286cd8 drawer last night. The sharp blade gleamed 87192ab415 in the sunlight, as 21c6df9c71 if to prove to dad580fa3b me that last night 74b09bb9e8 hadn’t been a dream. I swept my 2ce2da1953 tongue over my 379211390c dry lips and 7707d395b9 looked at my 4d46b9381c reflection in the f40e21b1fa mirror before looking 5c95d667db back down.be41eb7dd5321d0a

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Inside the 087778489d same drawer, cfedabdd14 there was ab228544af a wrapper ecc900e446 of the 0dbfbcfdf6 granola bar 4a11df397c that Lee 2a2a6777ce Kyuwol had 2f6fcb7228 given me dcabb792f2 several months a5ef13cdc6 ago.b0fced3133403b08

There was no 688bf0a3d6 way he hadn’t 50d5421e06 seen this last e2b4315974 night. I had hidden it 1cc370dc0d somewhere deep inside the 02740c8080 drawer because I didn’t 74511dace7 want to be caught, 1b04186d11 but he had seen 8a72c0b963 it. I wonder what he 3d718fea58 thought when he saw e6aad0b7ca it.71cf793a6d56a7f5

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With swollen bb41275a57 eyes, I 654b2f9049 put on 507d7bf04e my school 319eab162d uniform as 5e872a35b7 I was baaf8fc533 lost in e5b431aabc thought.20863d4e5f46f72f

It was ad51d9939b all for c29ec57b54 the best. I had f89b4f1241 hit rock b58a535b60 bottom, and 1eae23b85b I couldn’t 9080abf839 fall any afec2087e5 further.657de2ee56416b8c

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d59525bac5bf05c5

Now that 3ebff937a6 he had 2c9d5f1eca seen my 6c66937baa weakness, whether f9f8795abf Lee Kyuwol ec1f9ba158 decided to 3eaf125ca7 sneer at 7baa6801fe me or 37756a3019 ignore me, 36650bb9e4 it was 54891fff3b something I d599841114 needed to 088304b4c3 handle6f0b82d248a13caa

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