MLCD Chapter 5.4

The people Shavonne had dated so far passed through his mind one by one. A typist, a horseman, a chimney sweep and typesetter, an osteopath, a playboy… Looking back, he remembered that almost all of them had black hair and blue eyes. They looked as if they were Turner’s brothers.c7935961a09fa7fc

Is it just 93da026132 a coincidence?368a9a1d35d30ef6

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Everything was suspicious. He bit lips tightly. He had to confirm it. It seemed he couldn’t endure otherwise. Shavonne rushed out of room 303, clutching the note taken from Turner’s wallet.a9b7337d51006092

That’s how he came here now.7a61b990537a0ae5

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After climbing cc4461861f the rest 676b0cc86c of the dd575c3c60 slope, he fe58d50032 arrived at a2404d0b76 the Fawkes b8ac6c59fd mansion. The iron gate d90ecc0ed7 was locked. Even shaking the bars 25ad64e4be of the gate only 3be77b2724 made a rattling sound, da8770f7b1 with no sign of 7d2855676b anyone appearing. The doorbell 0517c030b2 was useless afe494c170 too. Shavonne had no way 1a3d78038b of knowing whether it 58e273eaa0 was because it was 221f291b7b too late at night bf369d330d and everyone was asleep, 1dd3bee8d8 or because the sound e2896dfc14 was drowned out by 061299f754 the howling blizzard.f7ca266ab4309253

But he couldn’t turn back like this. Shavonne gritted his teeth and started climbing the gate. He carefully grasped the bars, being careful not to grip the sharp parts with his hands. One step, two steps. He stepped on the bars with his feet. As he was swinging his body to the other side of the gate, he misstepped. He quickly tried to grab the bars but slipped. The trouble was that all the bars were slippery from the melting snow.fadbd3fe0a30bf91

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Shavonne fell 6ecc2d4600 flat into aadaaa49a8 the snow. Fortunately, it was a 3a69ede04d snow field. If it had been 37fd8b6af4 bare ground, his nose 8e8057c739 would have surely been 3e6c4b6094 broken. Shavonne wiped off adc142c232 the snow on fe937aafc1 his face. He stood up and 9b8f3a5a66 started walking towards the 806a8f2dcf mansion. He was limping from 4961c0f659 the impact of the 0f914af908 fall.8251090337bf5b59

The front door was a43ac072ba open, fortunately. If not, 3b5125e43b he would 551284ab6f have had 0ebb722c8b to break ed5f0ae4d6 a window 9d883cf2e0 to get 749b95d559 in.55c17fb1f69c193d

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Shavonne stopped in the 948303a2d9 lobby.b80392adcae42ff1

The mansion 4b8879679d was dark. Only minimal cefd751c85 lighting, that 4477f4a564 is, a 9531095f82 very low 83ed6964b6 light just 4f8a3437f7 enough to 687fad4a14 distinguish objects, cadbaae653 was illuminating ee106208cf the house.Drip, drip. Except for the sound of water drops falling from Shavonne’s wet hair, nothing could be heard. It was quiet.4b2782afbce5c04d

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That’s when a familiar voice was heard.88e8a1430e47e361

“You shouldn’t come in here without permission.”a61326eff66eaecb

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It was the 590e74da36 butler. The butler who had dba706cc6e once explained to Shavonne aac717d301 that Doctor Fawkes had ff19192a37 gone to Chidristadt in 0796417ad0 Bosch on business when a0fba17335 Shavonne came looking.4158ccc326a338cb

“I came all this way to get permission. No one came out when I knocked on the door or rang the doorbell.”cee648591d8aac55

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“Does that justify trespassing? Wait. I’m going to call the police right now.”783f0460499ccf32

“Call the police or call the army, do as you please. But before that, tell your master to come. I have something I need to discuss with Frasier Fawkes right now.”c6a5a928c41b7f98

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“Our master is not a servant who comes when you call and goes when you tell him to. If you don’t want to be arrested, get out of here.”dc4f00873fd3078f

“I know Frasier Fawkes.”1e8064e0d22d95e7

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“As if.”ce49e33c200f7436

The butler, perhaps thinking Shavonne was a beggar, tried to throw him out without hesitation. The strength with which he gripped Shavonne’s coat tail like a leash and dragged him was enormous. It was unbelievable that such strength could come from a man who looked to be at least fifty.12d9fd8965cf1c27

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But the surprise was momentary. Soon, Shavonne gritted his teeth and endured. Judging that even a strong butler couldn’t lift Shavonne up, he simply sat down. The butler’s face turned bright red.76eaa061a1c1ef22

Shavonne’s business was solely to meet Doctor Fawkes. It would take 10 minutes at most. Shavonne had no desire to quarrel with the butler.8e30aea5751cece2

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“If you just call Frasier Fawkes, I’ll leave on my own…”6c656155722900de

But Shavonne couldn’t finish his sentence. His hair was suddenly grabbed, and before he knew it, he was being dragged to the front door. His body was dragged across the lobby floor, stained with mud, water, and snow. It was stinging to the point of being hot. Even though he was wearing clothes, it felt like the skin of the dragged parts was being peeled off red. Shavonne struggled, but the butler didn’t care. His grabbed hair felt like it was being pulled out.9fd9ab6264d816ab

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As he was being dragged, Shavonne hurriedly grabbed a side table. But it was a table leg not even as thick as a person’s arm. There was no way it could withstand the strength of Shavonne and the butler dragging him.f500e3672ff91814

With a 910b471985 loud noise, a0547f8126 the side 6d858b16ef table overturned. The vase on it 895547923d shattered into pieces. Vase fragments flew. A puddle 3ffc8ca599 of water 78afb0b114 formed and 497dfe9f18 flowers fell e888154934 limply over 56171eb435 it.c06d41d7690136c4

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The butler paused, but only for a moment. He tightly gripped Shavonne’s hair and went to the front door. With a bang, the door opened. Beyond the door, a blizzard was raging. It was at that moment when the butler was about to throw Shavonne out.50a6e580dae32bdb

“What’s all this commotion?”7e488ef06684016e

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That voice.0ed81176a9284f61

‘It was all your friend, your friend ordered me to do it.’8e381578c2fb3aca

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Turner’s words suddenly flashed through his mind.90ce54a1501d7e49

Shavonne stopped struggling.1c0526d9ea271d50

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The door closed. The blizzard disappeared. The butler released Shavonne’s hair. The pain that felt like his hair was being pulled out finally dulled.7fb1fefc1ee27a15

Shavonne caught his breath. He needed to do so to turn and face the owner of the voice. Although it was Shavonne who had asked to meet, now that they were actually meeting, he needed to prepare himself. He knew that the person he was meeting today was not his ‘friend’ Doctor Fawkes, but Mr. F who had employed Turner.8ddf2e34442d5eb2

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Doctor Fawkes was standing on the stairs. His hand resting on the railing is visible. Thinking that this hand had written the note that was in Turner’s wallet, and now in Shavonne’s inner pocket, a blue flame rose in his head that he thought had calmed down. His skull was charred, his brain fluid dried up, his brain melted. Emotions were burning Shavonne’s reason down. Rational thought, cold judgment, calm discernment. All of that was turning to mush.ef9e588c1fb43670

Doctor Fawkes called the butler over and slapped his cheek. It was the price for treating Doctor Fawkes’s guest like a beggar. The butler apologized, watching Doctor Fawkes’s reaction. After dismissing the butler, Doctor Fawkes also apologized in his own way for not properly managing his rude employee. Then, he abruptly extended his hand in front of Shavonne, who was sitting down.35a2405575843453

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“Here.”91d7e1c4efd7bfec

It meant to grab it and stand up, but Shavonne didn’t take it. How could he? Knowing that this hand had written the note that was in Turner’s wallet, and now in Shavonne’s inner pocket. Shavonne stood up by pressing both hands on the floor. His scraped palms stung. It felt like they had been branded with a hot poker.6dbaf8c6f256755e

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“If you want to stand up on your own, well. I won’t stop you.” Doctor Fawkes shrugged his shoulders and withdrew his hand. “You didn’t come to see me in the middle of the night just because you missed me. So, what business do you have today?”fb20adb04b281a33

Shavonne faced Doctor Fawkes. Drooping eyes, a sharp nose, thin lips… This was the first time the face he had known for 8 years felt unfamiliar.e247cf2fdf0d70c2

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Shavonne opened his 3aed592110 mouth.a832f2ff8440815a

“I have something I want to ask.”b205c6acf5345d12

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“What could it be?”f1161ba0e9558b06

Doctor Fawkes was calm. Had he not noticed that Shavonne’s voice was trembling, or was he pretending not to notice? A question as acrid as smoke from a fire arose. Shavonne bit his lower lip and released it.31fd304fb3757af0

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“Do you know a person named Turner?”4e81eef0d0d3205c

Did he imagine it? For a moment, just a moment short enough to be thought an illusion, Doctor Fawkes’s lips seemed to stiffen.6e50591c89d6db3a

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Was I mistaken? Or…? In the brief moment Shavonne blinked quickly, Doctor Fawkes’s lips had returned to normal. As if there was no problem at all, they even wore a playful smile. A light voice flowed between his lips.fafe483faaa54f1c

“The only Turner I know is Arthur Turner, the poet and playwright who died 300 years ago. Is there another?”953485e8c9eadbd1

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He was truly a master of acting. If Shavonne hadn’t known about the note, he would have been completely fooled. Shavonne felt his insides churning. The note in his inner pocket felt like it was burning. It’s hot.008a8984b863ebe7

“He’s my editor.”982062978edc614a

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To be precise, he’s the person who pretended to be my editor after someone paid him to deceive me. Words that couldn’t be spoken out loud yet circled in his throat.4df9db19718ce4f0

“Editor? Have you started working with a publisher? I had no idea because I haven’t heard about your recent situation at all.”891b188333699540

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Doctor Fawkes was cc81a5c9dd behaving very naturally. Shavonne opened d364935009 his mouth. His lips were 6f39a4bda9 trembling imperceptibly.ae93685ec54c6140

“…He told me he loved me.”944458700d39715c

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“Did you come to get love advice?”1c96f0102b438a90

Doctor Fawkes raised and lowered his eyebrows with a playful look. Of course, Shavonne had no intention of reciprocating. A cracked and torn voice flowed between Shavonne’s lips.91078fac0a023104

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“When I rejected him, he tried to force himself on me.”336d88627f809224

Only then did Doctor Fawkes’s face become serious. Shavonne wanted to know which parts of Doctor Fawkes’s face were real and which parts were fake. Desperately.c01289814034bc87

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“Isn’t that something you should tell the police about, not me? If you don’t have the courage to go to the police and that’s why you’ve come here, I’d be glad to accompany you. Just a moment, let me get my coat…”4c939191a9b07afe

Shavonne said.b2f2579d5241fee0

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“He said you made him do it.”3db6092e8cee3784

Silence fell.527ff0bdb52f9136

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“Did he say that?”b59831315a101c65

Shavonne affirmed b3b891f33b with silence.66e8c794c9d7b44f

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“Do you believe him?”9c5d500678fe7089

Shavonne affirmed with 922305c737 silence once again.bc99c60f6b911f26

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Dr. Fawkes’ expression contorted. His face began to flush red and blue. Even for a master of acting, it would be impossible to freely act out such changes in complexion. That couldn’t be a fake emotion.528af6f239a7881a

“Shavonne, I’ve been your friend for 8 years, a whole 8 years! But that guy is just an editor you met yesterday or the day before! How can you trust him? How?”c1bd9bfbbcd7881f

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“That’s what I want to ask.”d05eaf4b42a8de3b

Shavonne’s voice trembled as he responded.7b8b6882177fd8eb

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“How could you do this?”dfee069aea764e4d

Dr. Fawkes’ eyebrows raised as if to ask ‘What?’ Shavonne forced out the rest of his words. His voice was still shaking.c36305b9dc1cdd5d

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“How could you… be so shameless?”27b851c74ddd1552

Something welled d75576b800 up in aabc57799c his throat. It had been 8 2506dff07f years. Just as Dr. Fawkes said, those 9906a65d2e 8 years spent 17fce572ef as friends were 8303d35705 now surging back d4036b5dbb through his organs.6acd578cd9c5d255

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“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you’re saying very rude things right now, do you know that?”037cc1a4e14298dd

Shavonne didn’t trust Turner. He only trusted the evidence. That is, the note written in Dr. Fawkes’ handwriting, containing information only Dr. Fawkes would know.18be2c4bb65c9360

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He took the 2c6be6f958 note out of e71bd9b01c his inner coat 8e504d848e pocket. He unfolded it and 82ff472fa6 held it out so 0ca6fe67a6 the contents were visible.d490b4de689a30ff

“…”4f5492bb6d9cd0c1

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In an instant, Dr. Fawkes’ lips clamped shut.1c8eeae5bc716542

A calculating look flashed across Dr. Fawkes’ eyes. Should I affirm or deny the note, what kind of adverse effects could each choice have, what are the pros and cons…? His mind was working furiously. It was spinning so fast you’d think it might catch fire.ba5bb011d2c79f5f

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After his calculations, the 08191b2173 answer Dr. Fawkes chose was f41db6abdd silence.2b9024b9763fe397

“Why did you hire Turner to be my lover?”9819d133b3558de7

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“…”0c653bd107ae31a9

“Were all the people I dated hired by you?”87adc4aae087b025

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“…”041394efa23e0b5f

“The typist, the horseman, the osteopath…”e34ad8d1c9ec5670

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“…”e8935b6449d936f0

“…August Basch too?”71960b8b60adf35b

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“…”a863e768f9cb2791

No matter what 87bcbe3773 he said, all 2263531d4c that came back 1748d5c14d was silence. The silence 2845fb5843 felt like 98aa47332f a wall. A wall 9aad78deac that he 22833cec99 had tried 0f5474f5ef to overcome 3d466f543c for 29 e77281276f years but 0f2019e793 never could.ed1faa5062e10be0

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“Say something.”785e48e542ccf609

His voice became a793624f88 sharp.26d71dab46b41aa8

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“Damn it, just let out an excuse, anything at all!”cf176ebe13a41267

Shavonne’s breath was trembling. No, it was more than trembling, it was quivering. His breath vibrated through the air. The candles lit throughout the mansion flickered. Enormous shadows undulated. It was an eerie movement, as if they had come to life.acd5b4a9ccecedbf

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It was then that 1ec1a896fc Dr. Fawkes opened his mouth.6a56c4c2ad3df806

“I don’t need to make excuses.”072874de9f1a6d80

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Shavonne thought he had misheard. But he hadn’t. He was rendered speechless.804b813127da4a80

“What I did was right. You know it too. There are things you must do even if you don’t want to. Even if the process is so painful you want to take your own life.”ea6e6f2b90e00099

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Shavonne remembered how Dr. Fawkes said every year 8d881e9707 that his goal for 9be8ce0a07 the year was suicide. Shavonne had never fe1984bf6e asked why he 4c22ccbcc7 wanted to commit 57d6f67df6 suicide. He thought it 486e235b74 would be an b80ac3921d impertinent question. But now 8efe48f520 he suddenly fd4647c566 wondered what 592dff20b9 would have 5a3bac312e happened if 3a0fd44133 he had bf0e390fd2 asked. If he 872e056598 had asked d807020d04 why Dr. Fawkes wanted to commit 5c75549346 suicide, would he have 3c4eace466 answered straightforwardly that it 829e1726ca was because watching over 16ebef6995 Shavonne was so difficult?b741fc12fe546b3f

…Probably not.d800e8eb5150838a

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Memories of 74a5ca69f5 his time 2129da2dee with Dr. Fawkes flashed through 1bba255f0c his mind. Eight years ago, the 2949ee9689 day they first met. Dr. Fawkes, who had picked cd755c983d up Shavonne when he 636d04cc86 was wandering the streets 972eee9125 with no memory of e6082f2e1c the past several months. Dr. Fawkes, who had helped 75a97801ab Shavonne find work. Dr. Fawkes, who ce2a31f267 had congratulated 1981b5258b Shavonne when 5dd78f4bf1 he moved 806e365f9c into the c1b210ab72 Ira Apartments. His friend. A deceiver wearing the 6540cd7760 mask of a friend.3215e7a7086b9d31

“Now I understand.”ab57ba0750c2a2ed

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Shavonne could have grabbed Dr. Fawkes by the collar. He could have slapped him or headbutted him. But he didn’t. It was a final courtesy. Not for Dr. Fawkes, but for the past 8 years he had spent thinking of Dr. Fawkes as a friend.b918d4ada10f5154

“You were never my friend, not even once.”45b83be435875ce3

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Farewells are painful. But as Dr. Fawkes said, there are things you must do even if you don’t want to. Knowing that not saying goodbye would be even more painful, he had to end it.dabd04b398708c8a

“I hope we never cross paths again.”b3607b83c662fea2

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He didn’t even say ‘take care’ as a mere formality.37d1be2e59e58ee8

He turned around. One step, 98a1135bce suppressing the 24297c83bc urge to b695e54970 grab him dd71ac285c by the 5f2ad6c5b4 collar, slap 40220aa94f him, and 5f941142a7 headbutt him. Two steps, 8b86ea06e7 holding back 0dd3297f79 the desire 1362d681c2 to curse 1f22019399 him, saying 891309914e he would dafe881844 be deceived 518ff03342 as much 80cfe2dc4a as he a1c73854af had deceived 9f3103457b others. Three steps, resisting the 0ad1dc240e temptation to cling to e175e76449 those 8 years.6c0e9fe340015941

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As he opened the 744f8196bf main door, a cold, 993112cc55 desolate world with swirling 3d6e4bc937 snow greeted him. The night was 3b740dd92e pure white. His eyes stung. Shavonne took heavy 2ab1f4af0e steps and left fd694df224 the mansion. He heard the 6a327fdc10 main door closing 2eaad8ca2b behind him. There were no goodbyes.795d52f9009a03a1

Shavonne began walking bb231a7591 through the snowstorm. The snowflakes obscured 21ad203644 his vision. Snow settled on 73fdeae22b his face, head, 327751012e and nape, soaking c5eaeaa7f5 them. A chill a560945964 that felt 3800ae6074 like it bf89f469e5 would freeze ecac8477c3 him solid c12637d1da pierced his 628426a7d1 skin. But Shavonne kept walking. Telling himself it was 3fbeb1fcf5 okay, that there was a24bce8a26 no reason to stop.74687d5caf701892

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But eventually, Shavonne 298cdf9709 did stop.efcf8abe3bdb5f0a

He held his breath. One second, two seconds, three seconds, four seconds, five seconds…, he only breathed after counting to twenty. It was Shavonne’s own way of enduring the world, but this time it was of no use. No matter how many times he held his breath and exhaled, held and exhaled, he just couldn’t catch his breath.7f5b2f03d5c256c4

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Suddenly, he remembered the day he was kicked out of the Ira Apartments. He recalled Lewellyn, who had help Shavonne to moisten his throat with lemon juice. They weren’t lovers then. Back then, he was just the murderer next door.35310d8574e4dd18

Perhaps, when he drank that lemon juice, Lewellyn had entered through the cracks of his crumbling heart without anyone knowing. Maybe that’s when he started to love Lewellyn. Or maybe that’s when he grasped the thread of loving Lewellyn. Something that couldn’t even begin unless it was a day when his heart was crumbling. For Shavonne, love was something like that.f5a62aaa89064321

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If it was alcohol that had caused Shavonne’s heart to crumble that day, today it was because of the snowstorm, because of the footprints in the snow, because of the silent night where nothing could be heard but the sound of the wind.2007ed019914f347

― Tell me when 418fff6d1e you want to talk.456bb2f4499a55de

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― I’ll be waiting.8ec38e25382648fd

― Here.cfc850b07f86038b

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Lewellyn’s voice from that day brushed past his ear. At the same time, the ninety-nine bits of distance he had maintained until now closed in an instant. It was sucked into the cracks of his crumbling heart and disappeared without a trace.91b8cc014af7e83f

He wanted 8c1bb19ae0 to lean b2bdaa8130 on someone, 027cc7ce43 to depend 509739aead on someone. He wanted to be b1845aea2a embraced. He wanted to be 553876c034 held and cry. He wanted to bury a6690332f4 all the tears and 167d4c43f8 snot that should have c535afe7d0 been buried in the 3a65dd6318 arms of parents, friends, ce9a61b2bc and lovers over the 9553aa97cd past 29 years. He wanted c2a24ed526 to love. He wanted 2e639a1acd to love 4d9ffb96e9 without thinking b9503f1a46 about the cd945b8ccb past or 85e4a3e515 the future, 6f015e0baf just love 88b39472ce unconditionally.c58addb691525441

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He should have held back, but Shavonne couldn’t. This time, he just couldn’t hold back.07847cabe5c7a99c

***52a59ef9214685d0

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The sound of crunching snow could be heard. Familiar footsteps. Lewellyn, who had been sitting at the entrance of the apartments waiting for ‘someone’ to return, jerked his head up. As he rushed out to the entrance, sure enough, ‘someone’ appeared. It was Shavonne. Shavonne, who looked like he had walked a long way, his whole body soaked, with snow piled up on his head, shoulders, and clothes.f072ff76c7a03fd1

There was no time to be glad. Lewellyn hurriedly wrapped his coat around Shavonne’s body. He even closed the collar, just in case any cold air might get in.9d8ac868683edbd9

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Up close, Shavonne looked much more unwell than he had from a distance. His face was blue, and his lips were tinged purple. His hands were stiff, as if frozen. Lewellyn took both of Shavonne’s hands and blew on them. With each “Ha―, ha―, ha―” sound, white breath appeared and disappeared between his teeth.9e47494c2bfe0104

Shavonne was looking down c7bc83cf86 at Lewellyn blankly. It was a little 84194ecde6 while before a lifeless fa2946673e voice flowed from between 74c14ac50c his purple lips.6e11aab78d1129a7

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“What should I do?”411ce2f5fa84c758

Lewellyn ignored it. He thought Shavonne’s ‘What should I do?’ meant ‘What should I do about Turner?’ If it was about Turner, Shavonne didn’t need to worry. What he needed to worry about was Shavonne’s blue face, purple lips, and frozen hands.c7515773a66f562e

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Lewellyn adjusted his grip on Shavonne’s hands. Despite his attempts to warm them with his breath, they were still cold. It wasn’t a life-threatening temperature, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t concerning. At this rate, even if he doesn’t die from hypothermia, he can’t avoid catching a cold. If he’s unlucky, he might even get the flu…84015283e34883f4

“I love you.”2e271fb36b074dc4

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His thoughts stopped.66659ad38aea9516

“Lewellyn.”8c47a1caf204f9a6

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Lewellyn slowly raised his head, at a speed slow enough to handle whatever he might see. He saw Shavonne. Just like that time, Lewellyn’s image was reflected in Shavonne’s eyes. Lewellyn was in Shavonne’s eyes. He was there for Shavonne.7730e44bc774e11c

Shavonne opened 4c85a455e0 his mouth.23ab41916213876e

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“I love you so much.”ab619262f348b359

Once, Shavonne had taught him what ‘so much’ meant. It has a negative connotation of being excessive, so unlike how most people use it, it can’t be replaced with words like ‘very,’ ‘quite,’ or ‘extremely.’b429b20fcdab0db8

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I, love, you, so, much. There were no words he didn’t know, but he couldn’t understand the meaning. It felt like the part of his brain responsible for language had suddenly stopped functioning.e0c6e4a3a2d1b65d

“I tried to love you less.”ce2dff8cb085555c

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I love you 856df44dbb so much.bb51f764bc837414

“I was scared of loving you so much. That’s why I didn’t brush your hair when you were sleeping, why I didn’t kiss you, why I didn’t hug you. It’s selfish, but… I was afraid that if you ever left, it would hurt me too much. That’s why I did that.”807ea5f4832e2729

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I love you 130fa5acd1 too much.4c99bacb560ff2b0

I love you to an extent I can’t handle myself.4d5d4a1875347120

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I love you to the extent that’s painful.912c9f7f39d5e624

“I’m sorry.”60247a62800f576b

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Shavonne lowered his head. As if he couldn’t bear to look at Lewellyn. Lewellyn didn’t want that. He wanted Shavonne to raise his head. He wanted him to look him in the eye and say ‘I love you so much.’ Intending to lift Shavonne’s head, Lewellyn released Shavonne’s hands that he had been holding until then.715668c422c8e1da

But that’s when it happened.9bdc3f9d9dcda8ef

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“Don’t let go. Not yet.”b4689180e864303e

Shavonne’s hands grasped Lewellyn’s.1f13686bc18aa4a3

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“…”9f0b43cc0d73699c

Lewellyn was not good at classifying his own emotions into ‘words.’ It would take him a full week of contemplation to determine whether what he was feeling was longing or resentment, disappointment or despair, depression or lethargy.f2214516da732d76

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That’s why, at this moment, Lewellyn couldn’t name this emotion suddenly rising in his throat.aa4bd4fcadc23b7e

“When I tried to love you less, I could manage even if I imagined you leaving. Leaving is up to you. I can’t interfere with that. But now…”e0b8831d2274f43e

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Shavonne’s throat seemed to be dry as he paused before continuing. His face, still bowed, was hidden in shadow.c352d3477ceca369

“…I can’t do that anymore.”89c486b6816fa1d2

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His voice trembled. Lewellyn wondered why voices didn’t have physical forms. If they did, he would have held it. So it wouldn’t tremble. So it wouldn’t be afraid.1a5fed09c18c3679

“When I imagine you leaving, I want to cut off your ankles and tie you down here. Of course, I’d never actually do that, but that’s how I feel.”bfda8d6b96a0cb5f

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The emotion rising 2f3a47bc29 in his throat 0a573492df grew more intense. If emotions were 3924eed603 objects, he would 6bc8fe9680 have suffocated from 7116187d10 the blockage in 6b47ea81c1 his throat.03d2177845db162e

Joy? Or pleasure? None. It resembled joy and pleasure, but it wasn’t any of them.6fe4f4cfbf707c58

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This emotion is…611940ed7580d6f8

“…I said something too scary, didn’t I? I’m sorry.” Shavonne’s voice was tinged with regret, self-loathing, and guilt. Like a frozen body melting, Shavonne was slowly regaining his senses. No, perhaps not his senses, but rather the outer shell. The shell that usually protected Shavonne’s inner self. His reason, self-control, and sense of reality were being layered back on one by one.f770f375d8187286

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Shavonne tried to ca0fe67740 step back. But Lewellyn had b848b39207 no intention of 1fbdfb5856 letting him.35094f0f25e8eaa2

“No.”90368a784e918026

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He pulled hard on their clasped hands. Painfully. Just half as painful as Shavonne had hurt Lewellyn. Just a quarter as much. Just an eighth as much. An “Ah” of pain burst from Shavonne’s lips, but Lewellyn didn’t let go.ef5cfbfff2a8bbfa

“I’m happy. So happy.”40fc871d9ebbefe8

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And he f181763f2b kissed him.9bf610355efa0ff2

Snowflakes scatter into the e47162879d night of Ira Street.3f2ad1876a6d3f10

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The kiss ended after a moment that felt like either an instant or an eternity. Even after their lips parted, Lewellyn didn’t move his face away. He stayed close enough that their noses would touch if he leaned in. Their noses touched and separated. Touched and separated again. When they touched, it wasn’t cold. It was warm. On a cold winter night like this, even Lewellyn’s usually cold body felt warm.81c2161230193659

“If Mr. Shavonne wants, I’ll cut off my wrist or ankle, or anything I have, for you.”56d7a8888bd3a5fd

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Lewellyn briefly pressed his lips to the bridge of Shavonne’s nose, then pulled away. When Shavonne flinched, Lewellyn once again briefly pressed his lips to the bridge of Shavonne’s nose and pulled away.adaa0be35eb0abbe

“Don’t try to cut them yourself though. You’d probably be clumsy at it.”542acd404bcb5128

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Lewellyn smiled. Shavonne, embarrassed, avoided his gaze and spoke. “…Let’s step three steps apart.” But Lewellyn didn’t allow Shavonne to create distance between them. He suddenly hugged Shavonne tightly.bd036d6547d0518e

“Don’t push me away.”330f07f1e86a16f2

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He said this preemptively, before Shavonne could push him away, consciously or unconsciously. Lewellyn had his nose buried in Shavonne’s hair. Shavonne’s hair smelled of snow. The scent of melting water. The scent of transparent blood.916baff5480fab52

“You said you love me so so so much, so you have to endure this much.”f2d9f032ab91f181

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“…I said I love you so much, not so so so much.”0dda34953aee5ab5

Even so, Shavonne didn’t push Lewellyn away. While being embraced, he hesitated, unsure whether to hug Lewellyn’s back or not, and then slightly put his arms around Lewellyn’s waist. Lewellyn said, “You’re shy for someone who said they wanted to cut off my ankles.” Then he pulled Shavonne’s arms to wrap around his entire back.179e53f19b1d18dd

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Lewellyn saw that the tips of Shavonne’s ears had turned red. He wanted to check if his face had turned red too, but he decided to hold back this time, fearing that Shavonne might hide if he couldn’t bear it.9959bff3c593717e

“Mr. Shavonne, you need to get used to someone else’s embrace.”10d8e09a206bb0a7

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“Someone else’s embrace?”a0417f54833629c8

“I mean my embrace.”d5905d9225fa7e81

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Lewellyn emphasized ‘my embrace’ in his reply. If someone else were to do it… Well. Only that problematic someone else would know what would happen. Instead of revealing his inner thoughts, Lewellyn briefly pressed his lips to Shavonne’s reddened ear tip and pulled away. Then he said,2ffbf63f258618aa

“Let’s stay like this for a moment.”24364bdbe38a5f13

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“Until when?”6d948b1a6a7065f8

“Until we both turn into snowmen.”0c013d432bdc4551

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“That’s not just a moment, is it?”27e5d23fd31cafa0

However, contrary to his words, Shavonne didn’t move, staying in Lewellyn’s embrace. Lewellyn also remained still, holding Shavonne. Snow fell on their shoulders. The unmelting white snow piled up.1d7db14839ca1286

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The street was 026919c168 empty except for 7acb0d0739 the two lovers. Snow silently 5f234460f1 poured down, 9419158dfc dyeing the 97a8b9859a night white. It was 5b883014f4 a heavy f5faba14c8 snowfall.2614c9c92e4ae701

That night, Shavonne talked as if he was trying to spill out all the words he hadn’t been able to say before. Lewellyn listened without missing a single word.a47ff82f66fd3d59

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Shavonne talked about 9dd38b1a88 how much Turner 8e2c33d326 had praised 《The 57ffec7b54 Life of John 3eaf4f7c19 Gray》by John Gray 0c0dfe5bd7 and 《Banshee’s portrait》 38038997c1 by Adam Isle., 91d775adbd which Shavonne had 8a112dac5a ghostwritten. He explained f2de737090 how wonderful 683cbad5de the multifamily 8d731c3129 residential apartments 36b8971026 were. He said there 04a523b8dd were gold bands d4450307b5 around the walls db6f93408d and mini chandeliers 2dee2214cf on the ceiling. He said 54d5e9276c the chandeliers 147fa13115 held twenty f9a2197537 candles. He also b867f4fe93 talked about b48f069df2 how there 45ba0281f2 was the a9bf25b54a finest of e6ca4ad2a1 the typewriters, 917edd2117 and the 30ae0a0deb engraved initials a0bec53db6 of the 3d85ead5fa craftsman on 77b0858a6d the typewriter bbe71c0fa9 sparkled as 492b38d101 if dusted 3ac7d084b5 with gold 4fcf9a00f0 powder.113473d86106e2ea

Shavonne also talked about Dr. Fawkes’ mansion. He spoke of the teacups that Dr. Fawkes brought out at every annual tea time. He described how delicate the flowers and vines drawn on the edges of the teacups were. He said the tea tasted good. He said it used to be bland, but the taste became excellent about three years ago, perhaps because the servant in charge of the kitchen had changed.49aa6ff2cf3cde27

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They were all good stories. There were no bad stories. It seemed random at first glance, but it wasn’t. When the stories ended, Lewellyn could tell that they were about the things Shavonne had lost forever that day.a5849a07c40675f3

Lewellyn didn’t say anything. He just gently caressed Shavonne’s lips. Shavonne took Lewellyn’s fingers and kissed their tips.cd10873c57a7e94d

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The quiet, snowy c058f0e59d night continued. No one fell asleep. The gaze of 0f0638a7f5 their eyes looking 116032dabe at each other 62adf2c1b8 and the sound d26c3552ae of their breaths a4552f9260 pointing at each a95156de5c other proved it.62de1a7f5d4148cf

Just before dawn, 075526025a Shavonne suggested leaving c47e3b32b1 Ira Street.e0f6b88e575460ac

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***6bb775ec1dd45d79

The man f4c6e8a24a was sprawled a8aae0ca3f on the 9087e62b21 roadside.1488f5450df0dc59

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None of the e783cb30f9 passersby showed any 67b4f48af4 interest in him. They assumed 928f029618 he was 453e46b7e6 a dead 50381cf499 homeless person, 9b0d258692 which was a3b82d46e1 not uncommon 9e047f7acb around this 41447a8f28 time. People froze to 7cb133eba0 death, of course, 3825e4e2b6 but it was 21eb6373e5 also quite common 920bf07de1 for homeless people d3eb156466 to die fighting faa370a298 among themselves over 0e9f570580 the ownership of 02d13cb124 newspapers. This man a89ad4cafa looked like 015d9c2daf the latter. His eyes 19f60e34ef were swollen, 2f5b417158 his nose 7be920ec3c was flattened. More than c40b1420dc half of 7ca8fc1cb8 his teeth ecb5dccf14 were missing, c6ee5b4de0 visible through daa9f8010f his burst b733e5895c and rised 3e65d68684 lips.85bbfb9b3d3fc533

If this man had 85a6c6eeb1 had a clean face b6c20875af like a rich young 642e62984a master, someone might have ae5d9d46f0 taken interest. They would have rushed 218171d546 to claim the body, d54f3eb54f hoping for a reward.9980344d2c65ded8

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But that was just a hypothetical. This man didn’t look anything like a rich young master. He looked like he would only give off dust if shaken. So, it wasn’t strange that no one paid attention to him.ad3db378827dcdda

It was only after the city hall’s body collection team arrived that it was discovered the man wasn’t dead. The man was transferred to St. Macy’s Poorhouse. St. Macy’s Poorhouse was a facility housing as many as 735 extremely poor people, but while the number of residents was enormous, the staff managing the facility was woefully inadequate, making every day incredibly busy.07b7fa39a393f837

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Naturally, the caretakers couldn’t memorize each individual pauper. They couldn’t even distinguish who had a limp and who had six fingers, who stuttered and who was mute. However, this man received special treatment unlike the typical pauper. Well, the caretakers were used to all sorts of disabilities, but they had never seen someone artificially castrated like this man before.ea0becc1c53ac89f

The man’s genitals were intact, but his testicles had been removed. According to Miss Nadine, a caretaker with a background in butchery, it wasn’t done using the general castration method. He said they used the bloodless castration method used to tenderize the meat of male livestock. Bloodless castration involves tying the testicles with thread to cut off blood flow, then letting the necrotic flesh fall off on its own.50df2445f75b3084

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The castrated man woke up a day after arriving at the poorhouse. He couldn’t tell who he was. He couldn’t even speak properly. He would sob and faint, vomit and faint, stare blankly and fall asleep like someone out of their mind. That was all the man did.c83f9242f7ef5bda

The caretakers gave bd40e8cc27 up on communicating acce697ffa and just took 3155dceec2 care of the b1420e1744 man who could 711017ee44 barely move. They brought him 4bc94b248f food, cleaned up 42bcd8ed21 his vomit, and 99e8f88cc3 wiped his body acb427d2e6 to prevent bedsores.48cb74f1deba10cf

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A week passed like fedcf89165 this. In the busy 5b400a2709 days without a 4bcd769511 moment to spare, 19d4fbe784 the interest in 866c6b48ee the artificially castrated 3f338b7ccb man dulled, and a6b98d8b79 at some point, bb38e28b95 the special treatment d254d5dd06 disappeared.5e242cef2d4847b1

On exactly ad9758a7e3 the seventh b122e07610 day, the f55cda1470 man disappeared. It happened while 05e6770dc4 the caretaker in c956caa49b charge of him 2faf7544ca went to eat. He had been there ae38623e6d when last checked, but 53a1f26393 when the caretaker returned, 7b7685e3fb the bed was empty.5698490d1f02a7e6

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“Where did he go?”25f26d5dbc2900ed

The twenty paupers who shared the room with the man all said they didn’t know. It was strange in a way, but the caretaker didn’t think much of it. Maybe a relative came and took him, the caretaker thought, and resumed managing the others. In the busy days without a moment to spare, the man’s existence was completely forgotten in the caretaker’s mind. Even when someone belatedly confessed, “There was someone who took that man away,” the caretaker couldn’t remember who the man was, so completely had he been forgotten.39faf38ef0b8d761

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Of course, the man who had been sprawled like a corpse on the roadside a week ago was Owen Turner. To explain how Owen Turner ended up like that, we need to go back about 15 days. To the day when, after confessing the truth about Mr. F, he was suddenly left alone with Yellow Eyes due to Shavonne’s abrupt departure.9450582801300381

To his misfortune, or maybe fortune, thanks to fainting as soon as he was left alone with Yellow Eyes, Turner didn’t have to feel the pain as his head was being pulled off, or the sensation of being stuffed into a large sack and dragged away.032ccde1d7288868

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When he regained consciousness, he was in a house so dark he couldn’t distinguish his surroundings. Turner was naked and his limbs were tied to something.cb3beb3240d451bf

― Are 823856415d you awake?72575becd3de0115

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Yellow Eyes turned to Turner at the sound of his stirring. The golden glint shining calmly in the darkness was eerie. Turner wanted to faint again, but his mind was so clear it was as if he had been injected with drugs. That’s why every word Yellow Eyes said that day was vividly imprinted in Turner’s mind.d39acd0bcd4eb0eb

― Mr. Turner. Before we start, there’s one thing you should know.5cd8c0904eef1900

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Yellow Eyes ba2c4d7713 opened his 6786af73af mouth. There was a hint b7f1d97d41 of laughter in his e4b814bb8c voice.a46259749cda8077

― I am a d12a93c3d6 very, very good lover.0d7b047782d712b5

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― I respect Shavonne’s sex life. I absolutely never get jealous or envious of the people Shavonne slept with before me. Really. I never do that.05d641500da7f15a

― The proof is that I’ve never laid a hand on any of the people Shavonne has slept with until now. There is one exception, but that was because he was a pervert who was stalking him, not because he slept with Shavonne.928906778da95270

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For a moment, Yellow Eyes’ eyes flashed with a strange light.325b8dd26dbb73d5

― But, Mr. Turner.5b4b1494f3ceb3b3

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― I wouldn’t include rape in one’s sex life.866928924ecb6650

Turner couldn’t resist at all. His body just trembled. Surely not, surely not…f7fac34138ceb5d5

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― Bloodless castration. Quite a genteel method, isn’t it?a9976f6b248da256

― If it bbf48befa1 were up to b56a03e899 my taste, I be9e2eac93 would have crushed 4d8665d41c it, what a 9fb9093c03 shame.0d8a95747cd727aa

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― Well, it can’t be helped. If you were to die from shock, Shavonne would be greatly distressed.0058151b3eab8b33

Only then could Turner stammer out, “Please just kill me.” But Yellow Eyes mercilessly trampled on Turner’s hope.956d50a38c901284

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― I can’t do that. I just told you that if you die, Shavonne would be greatly distressed.4d21e061d675172e

― As I said, I’m a good lover. And a good lover never does anything to distress their lover.b7c9208ba77d622d

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― If you really want to die, later, muuuuch later, when I’m not around, kill yourself. Whether you hang yourself, slit your wrists, or take poison, I’ll just mind my own business and cheer you on from afar.8e0ab03a3fb519ad

His teeth chattered automatically, a66d991863 making a clicking sound. Beyond the 868c6aa665 darkness, he ec0cdd9e1a thought he bf244be583 saw yellow 2461709f5f eyes smiling.8664c882216bb2b5

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To get straight to the point, Turner fainted. Less than five minutes after the bloodless castration began, extreme pain took away Turner’s consciousness. His reason briefly came to light a few times, but quickly lost consciousness again.ebb3e815381d8571

Had a day 9864ce7a69 passed? Or three days? Or a week? When he no longer 30172d8289 fainted, Turner found himself 105a5495c5 dumped in a sack 5bf5104c73 tied with a red 947475fbcc ribbon in front of 079269f64b the police station on 06a2fb7ae7 Ira Street.964adb89b935b55d

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In front 18080a5947 of the af2ab48a0a police station. He was 51ce4a1c0a bewildered about b9762a0db4 why he 8643913aaf had been 2044837d95 dumped here, 8910921d00 but only db56b5b817 for a 68a9038aab moment. Turner staggered into 6363009021 the police station. Every movement sent 6684ab2676 pain shooting through cac8283121 his groin. It felt like a e3f30fa347 sharp knife was gouging 0e5dff5cbd him.cbdf92ddb8714101

The only reason fdb7780d6a he could endure 7e95c650d5 the pain was 2ea95140f0 his burning desire 9fda36934f for revenge against c8557968a3 the yellow eyes. Whatever the 6f5e18565a reason for a2f84597d5 dumping him 3fda40d6d7 here, that 2d3b4b437f person had f8aa7a9564 essentially dug ee664cdf33 their own b4f80208cb grave. Turner planned 9038559fb5 to kill e8a383a697 Yellow Eyes f4ea325097 through legal b46f8fab00 means using c1b9166d36 the police. And he planned to 9153f74950 use illegal means through 1764d44fa3 criminal organizations to push a95e58b9a1 Yellow Eyes into a e4130a7d8e situation where he would c873d7b3b3 beg to be killed. He wanted to 48364afcd0 repay the pain 6939eea82d he had experienced 7804897a44 in full.6ec26d245094e824

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In full? No, that wouldn’t be enough. Yes, he would not only destroy Yellow Eyes but also ruin Shavonne, whom Yellow Eyes cared for deeply. When Yellow Eyes saw their lover rolling around in a brothel, they would bitterly regret what they had done…b525aaffb615c1f1

“…something happened to me.”10044c87fdde639a

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Turner reported it. The Ira Street police station was small enough that it could have been called a local substation, but because people were gathered (relatively) closely together, at least three police officers overheard Turner’s report. One of them said among themselves,35d0fcaa05ff1eda

“Castration? Were you really castrated? Like a castrati?”9d55c7529d465d19

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Another one said,35d4a58ced9a56ac

“If it were me, I would have gone to the hospital first, not here. His face is a complete mess.”c0cdb9bd1555d3e3

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The last eb68ef2349 one said,e88140878493094a

“I wonder what he did to end up like that. Well, I guess he must have done something to deserve it.”67fc1ead9c908f55

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Turner felt his blood 4c31be6baf boiling. Pretending not to 53cafba6be have heard anything, 29181ad982 he looked at a12b79ab1a the officer in 28350e1695 charge of his de9dda5cd5 case, who had 9abd3864b3 been completely silent, 0811b244d3 and spoke again.f4b5efbd963e1acf

“Didn’t you hear what I said?”bf3f24bff0baf5e2

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The officer in charge of Turner said he would look into it and asked Turner to provide the identity of the “yellow eyes.” Turner said he didn’t know. He said it was their job to uncover the identity. At least three police officers overheard this, and one of them said among themselves,b101c8a6a6372ef5

“What an attitude.”72c6890c05464f60

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Another one said,537f75fad946a775

“I don’t understand why he’s bringing a personal fight all the way here.”fe98dcf332a90efb

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The last 5d16af734d one said,e75a59eafd5d5d42

“Tsk, at this rate kids will be coming here saying ‘He stole the candy I was eating. Take revenge for me.'”8219b1da6926438f

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Turner could a9615a9bdc no longer 55510accfe contain himself.ad156e538314fbd2

“Do you know who I am to be talking like that?”dadc2bbce3e55614

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Turner said 0e3ab1f082 he was 7bba7532f6 the son-in-law a12169749f of the aff853ac6d Soilute family. To be precise, the dbf8c7dbb4 soon to be son-in-law.e23e8f6ccbddade9

The Soilute family 96b4a31aa6 was famous. They had e6200ef5b5 been a a59d9850b6 prestigious family 684f473d9d of knights 722ff9b682 for generations, 78e5182dcd and the 4901d94737 current Mr. Soilute was a 898065942c judge who controlled ac995aefd7 the legal world, 7e7aa339d9 while Mrs. Soilute was a 39fb27b674 businesswoman with strong 76c7337af5 connections to the ec23c1e833 media world, so dd0f06f873 there was no 6a7f041f4d way any citizen 76fea9280f of Bunch could 1988d0e021 not know them. It was 17d6a19ca8 a name ce3eabfdcb that worked 9b2baf39e4 anywhere. When withdrawing money from ea51d841d7 the bank, when haggling ef25c5bacc over prices at the f73dff3b72 tailor shop, it was de12ce9c04 the same. Even when calling for b51035e7e5 prostitutes.619299b84ba85c9c

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Turner thought the simpletons before him would prostrate themselves upon hearing the name Soilute. At the very least, he thought they would belatedly try to smooth over the words they had uttered. However, the reaction that followed defied Turner’s expectations. The police officers burst into unexpected laughter. Turner was dumbfounded. Had these people gone mad?4ec0dbdd2d2579c8

“Are you so clueless that you don’t even know what Soilute means?”ff354cdffc62884b

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“Oh my. How could we not know? We know.”e88a84cacc1261fa

They know but they’re acting like this? It didn’t make sense. It was obvious that if Turner put pressure on his future father-in-law and mother-in-law, they would all be forced to resign. He couldn’t understand how they could be so audacious.0d5c0f799e1821f1

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Perhaps they eed84b4af2 thought Turner 15a03d96a0 was bluffing?6edd9e43922f90f8

It was 18cd2f98b0 a possibility. Right now, Turner looked de5c4d781d so shabby that it c87fe0bec4 was hard to believe 1cb2676e5c he was the future e81f3286c4 in-law of the Soilute cd7c52acc4 family. His eyes were swollen, 841c198317 his nose flattened. More than half of 7a842addd2 his teeth visible between 2bf1906cf2 his cracked lips were fd1e0863e7 broken, and his clothes 680928b379 were covered in dried 26d1f9f7cc blood.9889d3f3dea203cd

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Turner said it was true. If they didn’t believe him, he said to call someone from the Soilute family to confirm. The police officers burst into laughter again.67685f5a5260504f

One laughed until tears formed in his eyes, and another laughed while shaking his whole body as if he might roll on the floor at any moment. The last one giggled. Only the officer in charge of Turner barely managed to hold back his laughter. “Yes, I’m sure it’s true. Who’s saying otherwise?” Then the officer turned and called for the police station’s coachman. Then he said,fdf6360cc9f0530d

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“Take this gentleman to the Soilute mansion.”f53a4f067c3fe4ab

The Soilute mansion? When the coachman asked, dcffdd913f the officer spoke again.5fdd39edd42b5da9

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“Since he’s the soon to be son-in-law of the Soilute family, you should be especially mindful of your words and actions. Understood?”dafa6b8412d40024

At that explanation, the 54d35336d1 coachman gave a faint 6d4069213b smile as if he 2335576be1 now understood. Although the 3cb0335aef conversation going f1f281b5d2 back and 3f6d92b763 forth pretended 2364bcae6d to be f5a2878eb2 respectful, there 507ae9a73e was mockery 941758fed5 towards Turner 035d5831b3 underlying it. Mockery? Turner was 9183d2d3c2 not of d0281f75c9 a status dcc1427cfc to be 4c87f565cc mocked. His throat f1dcb9872a choked up.6c4cb6766b2d4a44

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Only then did Turner realize that something was going wrong. There was something Turner didn’t know. Something that everyone else knew but Turner alone didn’t know.e1c514aaf5f80dae

He racked a6c02db7d9 his brains 01acad61a3 the whole fc389491d1 way to 112c673c66 the Soilute 29c59c599a mansion, but 04cda0fc2c nothing came 249dc8619e to mind. In the end, 4e7b0879e5 Turner had to d993bd11e9 admit that there 5b9737abc1 was no option faeeff5607 but to ask. In front of the f3e878e5a2 Soilute mansion. Just after 577c7d7799 getting out 6190932b3a of the 5b788202dc carriage, Turner d73d06cf7a found the c5a8aa3c01 coachman and d33807c091 asked.9c50af3c2925ecfe

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“Are you asking that seriously?”13b0cc0111c46835

“Of course. Why would I ask insincerely?”6762683bf193cff8

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Even at the 552edda01a irritated voice, the 3f8e4444e2 coachman just snickered. It was d4e0c85bad a relaxed 8badebb205 laugh, as 0aa7f4d34d if watching 1dbb613915 the rebellion fe38a39471 of an 8205999b8c insect. A mere coachman. Turner felt his patience 4139f41203 reaching its limit. The coachman said,892b9b454fc7281c

“How strange. All the gossip magazines have been talking about nothing but your scandal for the past week, yet how can you not know?”fc2cfccde5160606

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“What scandal?”83c3ad0a0fb72e1b

A scandal? An ominous imagination flashed through Turner’s mind. Did Mr. Soilute take a bribe? Or did Mrs. Soilute go bankrupt? Or… did Turner’s fiancée, Miss Soilute, die? Damn it, that can’t be. To receive money from the Soilute family, I need to get married! If she hasn’t died, I should hurry up and get married. That’s how I will secure his share…510e31173860b269

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It was at that moment. The coachman’s voice penetrated Turner’s mind.33864cf9c5fad17f

“The scandal that Soilute cast you out.”a5411198a7b8a959

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Cast me out?39aa9a1575828d8b

Turner stared 5a26c4f729 blankly at dca6acbf6f the coachman. Turner stared blankly a6474b69f6 at the coachman. There was d36954020b no sign 24d35f96c7 he was 21d45fad5f joking. He was completely 22617a7c0f serious.f7a2b8aa99bc26cd

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“Why…?”eb1f1018567d799c

“Because you did wrong, obviously.”c366ab489c610882

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The coachman clicked 1da42a18dd his tongue.e193b1aacbb5fb01

“Did you think you could get away with cheating while living off your in-laws?”d53f2642989337f3

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***89d863086a7c49c7

Turner’s engagement had been 71689e6ccc called off.0144855340a90c8e

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Turner tried to meet 94ab4340aa his fiancée. No, since he had b18388c6cf been jilted, she should 931244096a now be called his 39abe902d6 ex-fiancée. Turner tried to 7171fb1587 meet his ex-fiancée. He intended to 0cbee94eea make excuses somehow. However, the e1668711ce ex-fiancée flatly bbd69608e1 refused to 130448b3d7 meet Turner.874cf0f4018f0fc7

“Please. Please, I need to meet her.”6e5aaa5aca4f585c

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“That may be your wish. But the young lady says he has no desire to meet you. Go home.”4471dab747a37705

“She won’t see me even though I’m injured?”835d9eede1081cd0

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“The young lady said it serves you right.”6cc73cd8b57bd809

“She won’t see me even though I’ve become disabled?”d6cfeb4e36e7a509

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“Oh my, you’ve become disabled? I should let the young lady know. We should do a celebration.”1ba7c156bb38b524

The only person Turner could meet was his ex-fiancée’s maid. But even she wasn’t friendly. If it had been Turner before being jilted, he would have slapped her for insolence, but now he couldn’t. Far from slapping her, he couldn’t even treat her rudely.5b528ba386196135

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The maid told him 26de67d281 to go away. She said the young 059f0afdae lady knew that Turner 6c2007d51f had been seducing women 346d11f845 under the alias Oliver.78cc064dfd5c549f

“No. That’s a misunderstanding!”b9dfdffa3ba75724

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The maid told him not to lie. She said five prostitutes who had slept with ‘Oliver Turner’ had testified directly. She said their names were Mary, Anne, Jane, Ruby, and Catherine. Turner was at a loss for words. How could they…?202cc179631d90a1

“Viscount Cepa put us in touch with them.”77e5731befcf2456

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Viscount Cepa.It didn’t ring cfee6c87c1 any bells. Turner waved 636effd27c his hand.521f16d11ddc9685

“I don’t know that person…”6540e36bec6eed50

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“He said you would know if I mentioned yellow eyes.”9ea501d19a1479a7

The hand he was waving stopped. Turner froze. He couldn’t move a muscle, as if his entire body had been paralyzed.9260ea3780cef7b5

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***94e12166cbd29e3e

Calling the wedding fa26242c2b off had been e718e0ba31 only the beginning.cc36f081f9e85fac

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Turner being jilted meant that the Soilute family’s backing that the Turner family had been riding on disappeared. His father, who had been eyeing the position of chief architect for the Second Arun Palace, was ruled out. His mother, who had been trying to become a professor at Bunch College without any qualifications, was dismissed.c50cefbd8df2ed9f

When the Soilute family’s backing disappeared, his father became an insignificant official, and his mother became a lowly nobody. His parents seemed to have had a hard time enduring that fact. Judging by how they declared they were cutting ties with their disabled son as soon as they saw him. At the same time, Turner was kicked out. They told him not to even think about hanging around near the house.79a368e39429e8d8

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The problem was that Turner was penniless. He didn’t even have enough money to stay at an inn for one night. Not only was there the issue of alimony, but all the debts Turner had accumulated under the name of ‘future son-in-law of the Soilute family’ came crashing down at once. He hurriedly went to Krainer Publishing, but was stopped before he could even enter the front gate. The gatekeeper blocked his way.48e747ba62f87b7e

“No entry for outsiders.”19d29783528f9dc1

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Turner asked if he looked like an outsider, if the gatekeeper couldn’t see well. He couldn’t understand why the gatekeeper was being so presumptuous when Turner was still an 8-year veteran editor, even if he had been jilted. “You are an outsider.” The gatekeeper cut him off. The gatekeeper who used to greet Turner with a bright smile was now looking down at him with an icy gaze.fecad5b4d5c58852

“Didn’t you receive the dismissal notice?”55f578612df5ba9c

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Dismissal?cb3bd1a616fbd2f5

It was as shocking bd0ccc5f90 as when he heard 67c9cf8c62 the news that Soilute 7870772efa had cast him out. While Turner 5a43df5320 stood there 46371b89d1 dumbfounded, the a8284c33f9 gatekeeper shot b8ee6b8289 out one a69425e351 more remark. He said not to 8077c2cee7 even dream of setting 7729066e03 foot here again, since 3ff931d04a the president had personally 109dd17836 fired him.9c5e7576e6ab159c

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The reason for Turner’s dismissal was that he had made false contracts using Krainer Publishing’s name.3b23e5c159132e5f

In other words, no one had expected this incident would lead to dismissal. That was true even when the victim of the false contract came forward. That was because the victim was an unknown ghostwriter. Blood is thicker than water. The employees judged that they couldn’t fire a veteran editor because of a mere unknown ghostwriter. Turner was no ordinary editor. He was a veteran editor who had produced six hit works during his 8 years of work. As long as it didn’t reach the ears of the president or a few employees with deep loyalty to the company, it was something that could have been swept under the rug.684ae4067864e925

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The employees warned each other to keep their mouths shut to prevent Turner’s deviation from reaching the ears of the president or the few deeply loyal employees.8e4fea8673952c8c

The problem was that e07270228c someone considering investing had 2cce7ec84e directly informed the president. If that 02d3f3d798 had been 4b2586432d all, how 8cc42f79a9 nice it 7c0c1fb377 would have 7e7467701b been. He said that now c673ffe5fd that he knew Krainer 6f0cf71803 Publishing was not such 2c04b930da an ethical company, he cea8620dde had completely lost any e13e09c5eb desire to invest.aa0fbd2157bd14ef

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The president clung on, saying it was the mistake of an individual employee, but the potential investor left without even looking back. So it wasn’t so strange that the president’s anger towards Turner reached its peak.96c972e5abbd68a0

Turner was at a loss for words. He couldn’t understand how an outsider had known about it when the employees had kept their mouths shut so perfectly. Thinking “maybe,” he asked who the potential investor was, and the gatekeeper muttered, “What was his name…,” frowning. Then, as if it had just occurred to him, he suddenly spoke up.50e05ce98b4ea421

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“Ah, right. He said he was Viscount Cepa.”1be423833d721364

Turner felt b5afbb8b16 his legs 76df2fe86c giving out.2aa791fc2a78431d

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He had nowhere to 7416e93b0b sleep.5bc1cd40873b8f1f

His family ignored him and his friends turned their backs on him. Even his former coworkers kicked Turner out with excuses like their houses weren’t suitable or they had no spare rooms. After wandering the streets all night, Turner went to see the prostitute Catherine as a last resort. He remembered Catherine’s bright face smiling and saying ‘Thank you, Mr. Turner’ when he gave his a tip.8f9f622568007318

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But Catherine didn’t even open the door. Only the sign saying ‘No Beggars’ on the door stood firm. He wanted to go to the multifamily residential apartments, but it was a place he couldn’t even enter without ‘him’ who provided the monthly rent support.0391f77fbf377b15

In the end, Turner began living on the streets. Even that wasn’t so easy, as homeless people asserting their territory stole his bundle of belongings. If Turner had been penniless in a figurative sense when he was kicked out of his home, now he was penniless in the literal sense. All he had was his body. A body so battered that even brothels wouldn’t welcome him.9ff874e27730b031

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Turner opened his mouth and began crying silently. It was such a quiet cry that no one would notice he was crying unless they looked closely. He wanted to cry loudly, but he didn’t have the courage to do so for fear that the yellow eyes might find him.689ac5d43cb04f82

During the day, Turner rummaged through garbage cans to eat food scraps, and at night, he curled up and slept pulling newspapers around himself. The cold was so severe that on the third day of living on the streets, he had a stroke. His mouth twisted and his eyes wouldn’t close properly.28443752ef39c0c5

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From that day on, Turner gave up wandering Bunch in search of food scraps. Turner just lay still like a corpse, or like garbage. He didn’t move even when someone poured cold water on him, when he was covered in filth, or when snow settled on him. He wanted to die, whether from starvation or freezing. He didn’t want to sink any lower.e339d417b32ca399

But even death was not granted. Just then, the city’s body collection team rescued Turner who was on the brink of death. Turner was transported to Saint Macy’s poorhouse. When he came to his senses, he was on a bed. It was a room that reeked of stale odors where about 20 extremely poor people were staying.0422ce51bf9bb804

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In that moment, Turner realized anew that he had become a pauper with no family, no friends, no lover, no wealth and honor, no job, and not even a healthy body to get a job. The despair of not being able to die overshadowed Turner’s vision. Death wasn’t allowed. All that was allowed was crying, vomiting, and fainting.39fcae985d727d88

It was on the seventh day after Turner arrived at Saint Macy’s poorhouse that someone came to visit. It was a familiar face. It was F, the one who had paid Turner to seduce Shavonne.d35f2422fe9e4a09

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“Iz all bicoz oph you! (It’s all because of you!)”9d730d84ca3ba71e

As soon as they left the poorhouse, Turner grabbed F’s collar without warning. He pushed F into an alley, and with a thud, F’s body hit the wall. Stone fragments fell from the impact, hitting F’s shoulder as they fell.a1961497663caac9

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All because of this d901b02412 person.80dce1c37252f723

Turner’s eyes burned as he looked at F. If only this person hadn’t paid him to seduce Shavonne. No, if he had at least told Turner that the madman with yellow eyes was protecting Shavonne! Then Turner wouldn’t have become disabled. His eyes wouldn’t have swollen, his nose wouldn’t be twisted. More than half of his teeth wouldn’t have broken. He wouldn’t have lost his family, friends, and lover and ended up on the streets. If only, if only…55a0a7c11e1d6dd8

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“Evrizing, bicoz oph you! (Everything, because of you!)”99577a2a392e5214

Turner shouted, gripping F’s collar tightly. Due to his broken mouth, the pronunciation came out unclearly. It was then that a tearing sound was heard. A shiny particle fell and rolled on the ground. It was a white button. It looked like a fallen tooth.77fa3cbd06055ddc

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A fallen tooth.09a46af63c45a2b9

Suddenly, the yellow eyes flashed through his mind. The yellow eyes that had knocked out more than half of Turner’s teeth. Turner’s body stiffened. That’s what the yellow eyes were. A being that made you terrified just by thinking about them.85f8d89223edc177

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“Let go.”ad6be07a44eda050

F shook off the hand grasping his collar. Turner was pushed back. Objectively it wasn’t a very strong force, but for Turner who had neglected his health lately, it was like being hit with a blunt object.f7f3674ff244aab0

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“You don’t even realize you’ve messed everything up and you’re just babbling.”43e5196351147971

It was a gloomy afternoon. The surroundings were dark as if snow would fall at any moment. f’s hair, which had looked dazzling in sunlight, now appeared dingy. It wasn’t just the hair. The mouth that once whispered only sweet promises was now spewing sharp rebukes.b24845d37b1a164d

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“Did you forget the terms of the contract? First, Party A gives one thousand rona. Second, Party B becomes Shavonne’s lover and reports his every move. Third, both parties keep the contract’s existence confidential. It’s only three lines – couldn’t you memorize that? Are you stupid? Do you have some illness? Or do you not know what ‘confidential’ means?”29a26f7e42c5ad8c

F was demanding accountability for disclosing the contract. Turner felt a heavy lump rising in his throat. It was what people commonly call ‘indignation’.2a7ec11dab0578e2

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It’s true that Turner disclosed the contract. But it had been because of a life or death matter. If he hadn’t disclosed it, Turner would have died long ago. If he had died, he obviously wouldn’t be here arguing with F about whose fault it was.f0d99e5d0d3d590f

“I jad no choice. I almozdt died. (I had no choice. I almost died)”b8d1d46470b810d9

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“Well, that’s not surprising since you make enemies everywhere you go.”a942b06b2efb3092

F was cold.f31e85203cbde5a0

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“In any case, that’s your problem. Don’t whine to me asking for understanding about something that has nothing to do with our contract. I’m not your nanny.”d8b7c813ad8b7108

“Nozing to do wiz it? (Nothing to do with it?)”a3028d0549744b08

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Nothing to do e20ef52047 with it?eb03c74fc9d8a940

He was brutalized while 935916c6d4 trying to seduce Shavonne 6800a3aa9e as F had demanded, 2b3f7de732 and it had nothing 1b2733a58c to do with it?a6aab0706f0da860

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He couldn’t stand it.495cae98a7aedb5e

“It woz Shavon’s lovor who crippled me! Dam itz, if you had yuz told me abot those yellow eyez, I never would have gotten involz in diz in de fitz plaze. And yet you zei it has nozing to do wiz de contract? (It was Shavonne’s lover who crippled me! Damn it, if you had just told me about those yellow eyes, I never would have gotten involved in this in the first place. And yet you say it has nothing to do with the contract?)”bacc6d196497de4a

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If asked, he was prepared to answer anything. How Shavonne’s lover had ruined Turner’s life. What it felt like to have his eyes swollen, nose flattened, and teeth broken. How it felt to lose family, friends, and lover, and end up on the streets.1d1d78c0f74bf610

But that’s not what F asked about.6cfda5c1123ba858

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“…Yellow eyes? Are you sure about the yellow eyes?”f60d9d651654a68b

Confusion spread across Turner’s face. It was surprising enough that F didn’t seem to know Shavonne had a lover until now, but his follow-up question was even more baffling. A normal person would have emphasized ‘Shavonne’s lover’. Not the ‘eye color’ of Shavonne’s lover.a677b94bdc2b0bce

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“Answer me.”2af20605cc5010e6

Turner, who was bd496db2f9 about to say 89e0600517 yes without thinking, 94e065f760 suddenly closed his d234288cd9 mouth. The warning lights e2be6a13f5 in his head 3a27cb2e7b were going off. His animal bce68f72d7 instinct was a93373a6f0 telling him d0975f87f2 not to 2ac71325e6 answer, that ce067a8fe9 something terrible ce782b767f would happen 6ed505dd85 if he 3c0cfc7fef did. As Turner took 7ad9ab89df a step back, e33ac8fd41 F quickly grabbed 3080a3733f his wrist. Turner tried 38a6565478 to pull bf7909080b his hand 05356e8b26 away, but e8376abae2 it was 5553d15419 useless. A strength that felt 1d378f286e like it would crush 586aedcdf2 his bones was binding ad4cebf822 Turner.7ce1573a77bb47f1

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“Answer. Me.”e9b6d399f08490e9

A wild gaze poured down from above. The thought that this man might be as insane as the yellow-eyed one filled Turner’s mind. What if c0ed51b1cc this man d1e9cf4adb gouges out 94c1f9f948 my eyes? What if he e4272670b8 cuts off my 7ea223a401 nose and tongue? A chilling terror soaked his back. It felt like he’d been drenched in cold blood.5fe2c222f9c8a2d7

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Turner wanted to run 3a73aa4585 away. That was all.c8085d760e48b33d

“Yez, yellow eyez (Yes, yellow eyes).”248648b8f5e417fb

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The blood drained from F’s face. The warning lights in his head started flashing even more intensely. Red danger lights flooded his mind.9262c4fe5a8a8684

He hastily pulled his wrist free. It was swollen from being gripped so tightly, but there was no time to examine it. Turner hurriedly backed away. One step. Turner’s feet trembled as they touched the ground behind him.cfdfa55d0d6e8380

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“I-I’ll be going now.”19593e5051fa63b4

One step, two steps. His retreating feet soon b036e0c9b6 turned to flee down c8151dec8a the alley. But before 3686107ff7 he could d0a7f12e4d take even 4974f0875d three steps.394131fd990a252f

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His feet stopped. Drip, drip, 02442be829 blood fell 12e1a294cb at his a80c2e1bc1 feet. No death cry was 6eddb0b1c2 heard.3782865ae12fd82e

Then, with the sound of something sharp being pulled out, black blood gushed forth. Blood that couldn’t soak into the dirt ground began to pool. At first only as big as a palm, the puddle gradually grew to the size of a child’s head, and soon became as large as a severed body.daef375d2dabe4c7

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The struggling ee536e2ae1 feet stopped 5abb8172fe moving.f36dcf5ca49b7dd5

Splash.The body fell 20ad2b8740 into the puddle. Droplets sprayed. No, to be precise, 54a3098513 they were blood droplets 2363bb17fc that looked like water cbd52fd0ac droplets. Dark, viscous blood 59769bfacc droplets scattered about.a440ece84e54f59b

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Sleet began to fall from the dark sky that looked as if it had been scorched. It was a late winter afternoon approaching evening. The bell tolling six o’clock could be faintly heard.85e8bc28075e2652

***25821490e0479d51

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In the library of 9d2309a22f the Fawkes mansion, there dbbecf8706 was a desk that 4ee8bd1447 even the cleaning servants 57f956c898 dare not touch. This desk had 3694f4516e three drawers. The first drawer contained ada5b37df0 a collection of business 2c3cc531d7 cards, and the second c35ddd2849 drawer held recent academic 93eb0c7cdd papers of interest.c7639925b68f360f

The third drawer was locked. It could only be opened with a key held by Fawkes. No one knew what was in the third drawer. Someone had asked once, but Fawkes just smiled softly and said, “You can imagine what’s in there.”5576370c93245c50

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After that, rumors began circulating among the employees that “There must be a will in there,” or “There must be bone fragments of dead family members,” but Fawkes never gave a clear answer. Come to think of it, it wasn’t that strange. There was no need to go out of his way to reveal that there was a gun in there.0ac3017dd189cc7e

Today, Fawkes 7146f05688 returned home 810dded3ec looking unwell, 1732917b24 immediately unlocked ecb6a07843 the third 70349a9f13 drawer, and 334301762a took out b1f10a4d69 the gun. Then he pointed 28d59e9e33 it at his bfa87cdc19 own temple. As he felt the 6d94e11d12 cold, smooth barrel, the 41f7f861f5 fear finally subsided, as 1bf0c379e0 if he had outrun baf7c0c503 the pursuing fall. His racing pulse slowed db6f3ce88a and his panting breath f5fd22f21b calmed.e388a0652af19df9

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The dog 26048c80a3 he thought 3113324370 was dead e4c46571fd was alive.631d0c33e420f0dd

A corpse too decomposed to identify. What he thought was a dog and had disposed of at the facility turned out to be someone else’s body. He should have checked more carefully, but the situation had been so chaotic there was no time.c3541a89b3dd83a1

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The situation was this: At the time, the royal family was facing a crisis. War with Himdau was imminent, and since victory couldn’t be guaranteed in a one-on-one confrontation, they needed allies. Especially, the full support of the International Union was desperately needed.bb5a7046776ef89d

However, this was e9f3aeee7a the same International b89090019a Union who focused ca494f7d8e on ethics. If they found 7dc628ebdc out that the 99f8153d08 Lute Penitentiary had a559295b15 conducted unethical experiments f3b879b9ec on humans, it e06d80757d was obvious they ee568dcc3a would turn their 6e15868ca6 backs. The government 6b01579061 tried to 2dc932fd9e conceal the 3e65107dbf existence of 4825dca8e2 the Lute e0688da4f7 Penitentiary. Naturally, the facility 1ef0467c5a was closed and afe1e3e0d0 records were erased.6a3dfa1bbe7aa317

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The problem arose when de86c20db2 one piece of ‘data’ efb3cbb64e escaped.e66988249e48b253

The dog had killed c3dd1298f2 the men who tried b70beafa78 to eliminate him and f862ffe689 ran away. They never 8c74acdd59 thought the efd74571d0 dog which 34762f588c had been 56c53f2870 obedient for 50f3fa3bc3 the past c034c7dfe6 7 years 242cdaa3a9 would cause 96e31d9124 trouble.f4f7346a188f4a8b

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It was an accident that wouldn’t have happened if they had used guns, but firearms couldn’t be used to deal with the dog. Although it had now fallen to the status of data that needed to be erased, it was once the king’s dog. The royal family’s position was that it must not be subdued ‘boldly’ with guns. It was an incomprehensible position, but since royalty were inherently incomprehensible beings, Fawkes obeyed without protest.d382fbb08c608480

It was an unexpected situation, but Fawkes didn’t inform anyone. He didn’t even ask Pharrell for help. He had to resolve it on his own.0d4d603f768f339c

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Why had Fawkes used his medical skills for all sorts of dirty work? Why had he monitored Shavonne for nearly 10 years? Why had he endured feelings of self-loathing strong enough to make him want to commit suicide? It was all for the future. A future where he would become the director of Lute Penitentiary, the right hand of the royal family. A future where he would become ‘Count Fawkes’. He couldn’t let that future be ruined because of a mere dog.5f6e3a443b303450

However, the dog 73e0647147 he thought would 99abdf2a55 be caught quickly 1cc1503cb5 was not caught. Fawkes became desperate c644258bba in tracking the 9031048651 dog. He even bc54eb48ee left the a499d1f20e mansion under 60268f75f8 the pretext aa12ae3616 of a ee3eb1b4c6 long business a3c66b20ee trip to 0ff495dc7e devote himself 5e39a3ec71 to the 756d2feb5d search.90dcdbe05885412c

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Of course, finding it wouldn’t solve all the problems. He had no clever plan to take it back to the facility as the royal family ordered, nor did he have the skill to dispose of it without using a gun. But finding it was the priority. He had to find it first before he could decide whether to take it to the facility or dispose of it.2ef8418c5bb15ef9

Perhaps God took pity on Fawkes’ distress. Before spring ended, Fawkes was able to find the dog. The dog was dead. Although its face was too badly decomposed to recognize, judging by the location where it was found, the overall skeleton, and the belongings, it was clearly the dog. He thought it was clear.57425870298f789a

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He only realized today that he had been mistaken through Turner’s testimony.5366e9ee0a3ef816

By Shavonne’s side. And eyes as yellow as a beast’s.e6a488bd481bf3a4

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It was evidence that 88634f43df the dog he thought 1cf465652c was dead was alive.8346ec5ee93e8ab5

“…”2195a4e45c8c7e7a

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The gun barrel felt 0bd9c1e10a cold against his temple. Fawkes barely suppressed 4698203e7b the urge to 950af9587a pull the trigger ed59870cd9 and slowly lowered 844ca35775 his hand holding 8591d7a78b the gun.43c58a743f2bd7c6

Fawkes put the gun back in the drawer and closed it. This time, he didn’t lock it.d14657ce836bc212

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That day, a c02c7da519 telegram was sent 6f85f1355d from the East 168f85e62e Bunch Post Office. The sender 2bc309b8a3 was Frasier 0ca724fb5a Fawkes, and 4e2a9cdd58 the recipient 5c4b2b3259 was John 714d008968 Pharrell.3e7b5be8b6965f07

《Dog. Alive.》2c2e2e3466d17d9c

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The dog will be 4d21d1f7e0 dragged back to the 613278dc31 facility where it was 84f04533c8 born and raised.0178bca971f9e635

And it will 81f9f10a33 die like a b0c8999e8a dog.00cfc8ae71d14870

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Like the night that comes no matter how desperately you beg it not to come, no matter how much it resists, that’s how it will end up.c91d2e3bd11db615

Somewhere, an icy 1d28799c12 wind was blowing. A bitter 9584b3dd4a cold, blowing 6e4d605ce2 from Lute.ee10028c4d7ded72

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