MLCD Chapter 5.2

“…Mr. Lewellyn.”9c1df39f2a268031

“Lewellyn.” He tried shaking him, but still, there was no response. Even when he shook him roughly, the result was the same.0d532f9c8d34e1f1

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Suddenly, he noticed that Lewellyn’s face was pale. He had always been pale, but this was the first time he was so pale that he reminded one of a corpse a week after death. It wasn’t just his face. Even his lips had turned blue.6947d2e0dd18c205

Could Lewellyn be…ddd313738952a7f9

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‘You could die if you’re not careful.’e525b2d660423a60

Turner’s words came to mind. His jaw trembled with fear. Cold sweat poured out. It ran down Shavonne’s nose and temples. With trembling hands, Shavonne searched for Lewellyn’s pulse. Is it here? No? Is it here…Because his 3b4eb0dafa hands were eb79b9b333 shaking so 7543682190 much, it 7616ab3e3c took a 972f8f8d72 while to 1597d69fd7 confirm the 3e286671e1 heartbeat.7cc430be7719c0e9

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He was alive.e21ca2426cc69d9a

He picked him 0e1a435d96 up on his 85d884519d back and dashed 90b546368f out of Room e5926e1833 303. As he ran 06936bd636 down the apartment 104f9ac90e stairs, he staggered. Fortunately, he quickly regained 069fa1d862 his balance, or he d89f5e2b14 might have tumbled down. In the ee16611fb4 process, one e8bf0ee717 of the 3a9b829dad indoor shoes 75dd06a2a8 he had 25f36c2e48 hastily put 973353dabd on came 6fced7565e off and 584466ba94 flew into 3b6bd3b651 the darkness. He could probably find e1b3d95517 it if he searched, 5e023c3979 but there was no 2755429232 time for that.8f29aab05009b971

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Limping, he hurriedly left the apartment. At the entrance of the building, a giant platanus tree stood in the form of a huge, black shadow. Until just a while ago, it had been gently swaying whenever the wind blew, but now it didn’t move at all. It was as still as death. Just like Lewellyn on Shavonne’s back.6705b17ac80acc47

Shaking his ominous ba9fa5c397 thoughts off, he ed7ea374c7 adjusted Lewellyn on 9b901d3704 his back and 3e788e6026 started running again, b88da49789 limping. He threw fad1737a8d away the 051e615431 remaining shoe edd77b4c5b that was 46991bb284 hindering his 746336e2bb running. As expected, running 5c719ffa9c barefoot was much b0ecf8240d faster than running 475a64a12d with just one 0a03a971a1 shoe.6376f99b94e06f11

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The rough cobblestones scraped Shavonne’s bare feet as he passed. A stinging pain soaked his feet. His feet were bleeding from cuts and scrapes all over. There wasn’t a place that wasn’t wounded, from the soles of his feet, the tops, between his toes, and even his toenails.50749c5b4f28ba2c

All the private hospitals located on Ira Street were closed. He shook the doors, knocking hard with his fists, and even shouted to see if anyone was inside, but no one came out. He realized it wasn’t business hours just before he was about to throw his body against the door, when he saw a small sign saying the doctor was out on a house call.35268d3474167b36

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“Damn it!” Shavonne cursed out loud. Why do these greedy bastards only keep the hospital open for three hours? No wonder you’re scraping by on Ira Street. If you were open all the time, you’d be more than qualified to be a doctor at the Royal Hospital by now. No, forget the Royal Hospital. You could’ve been the Royal Physician.320edf2860e40f97

Shavonne recalled the time when a drunk house-call doctor, with a bright red nose, broke his toe. What did he say back then? Something about mistaking Shavonne’s toe for a tree branch? Such doctors made up 99% of Ira’s medical professionals.0d2377d7b8f43e07

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By now, this doctor was probably pretending to be on a house call while actually hanging out at Blase, drinking with just about anyone. And then, after drinking, he’d try to suture a wound and end up putting the scalpel in someone’s stomach. You fucker, why would 6fb0ce0327 you go to a 0c340f1dfc house call? Who the ca8751f0b9 hell called 36d9aa4443 for a 68864362f9 house call cd5db67ccb at this ba82c479f8 hour?1b11c61be5e81f27

Shavonne wanted 7a84b68052 to cry, 210e5573ea but there 1479e499c4 was no cdaf7e5641 time for a69546d80d that. Emotions could wait fc8a532086 until after waking 721f523124 Lewellyn. Just then, Shavonne 07d4636440 remembered that there c7be5cee22 was a clinic bc6edf346c nearby that was 3c05db5eeb open all day. Shavonne hesitated before 2bc98bdff5 heading straight to ef7cd0f833 the clinic.7b719a34c9d13522

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Among the medical 985daf3355 facilities in Bunch, 103d9feba6 that clinic had 69c76f7e9f the worst conditions. Except for the 313a1d1320 Royal Hospital, which 89533d12e3 was practically exclusive 5fb6bfdac7 to the upper 52c786c5dc class, the only 1e101c398b medical facilities Shavonne 75fc3feeb4 could access were 9b80f16e4c private hospitals and 06e3d0ab7f clinics. Compared to 11481b65a5 private hospitals, 0884c77025 which were 2f436a4d6b no better 155c09dd90 than poorhouses, 46952e2b96 clinics had 5c67ebe284 even worse 64a361e777 facilities. There was even a 7c2d6075b1 common joke that it d60231012a was better to receive c62c84f8e0 quack treatment from a aa0461ae82 Caucasian fortune-teller than to 81ffcb6036 be treated at a 8e9244a6d3 clinic.f28e9ab5d282a435

Should I really take ca14284311 Lewellyn to such a 90d4635632 place?3de11ceb21bb1d4d

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The weight of the choice churned in Shavonne’s throat like nausea. But Shavonne’s decision was already made. Before going to the clinic, Shavonne glanced at Lewellyn, who was being carried on his back. Lewellyn was asleep. Perhaps in a long sleep that might become eternal. The breath on Shavonne’s nape was so faint it seemed it might stop at any moment.6c0013e185ecaf77

The clinic b7894eff7c door only 345c95c5ce opened after a8571e42ae three loud 9cd18707ca knocks. Despite the sign cc9089b731 saying it was 956e2e23bc open all day, 1200da3228 the doctor looked c48c19a229 like he had 0a85d5a3dd just woken up. His messy e7e0fe260d hair, sleepy d0fd913925 eyes, and 804e332cb0 lips twisted 5ef096a306 as if b03810db29 trying to 7e90eb90de suppress a b1b4f4b1bf yawn were 5995c9b8f3 evidence of 667353ce9e this.c5a0c930e554ecf2

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The doctor quickly looked Shavonne up and down, taking in the sight of Lewellyn on his back. He seemed to be considering whether to treat them or not. Fortunately or not, the doctor’s deliberation ended the moment he saw Shavonne’s limping leg and bare, injured feet without shoes. The doctor said,82ba2a78da39e1eb

“Go somewhere else.”4923639e6529e67f

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And with that, he slammed the door shut. Before the echo of the slam could fade, Shavonne violently opened the door. The doctor, who had been about to leave the doorway, stopped and turned to look at Shavonne with a surprised face. His eyes were as round as a rabbit’s.c465501a861dcb99

“What…”2159f1c797ea1966

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Shavonne didn’t let the doctor finish his sentence.327a418a5ed45f5c

“Listen here, doctor.”eddd7042eed468bc

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Shavonne had to make the doctor treat Lewellyn. Of course, Shavonne wasn’t dumb. He wouldn’t appeal to the hippocratic oath, which had become mere scraps of paper, or to emotions. The method Shavonne would use was much faster, more certain, and more effective than appealing.be4a045c750e7dc7

For example, a threat.9c52fdd642459b08

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“Have you never had an inspection in your life? Don’t you even know what the inspector Allium Cepa looks like?”d4e8526fdd792727

The doctor’s expression became bizarre.032e08b674b0eda1

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“You’re saying you’re Inspector Alli… whatever you said?”d4dc02ebe4dfc4fe

“If you don’t believe me, check with the inspection office. Of course, by then, I won’t be speaking politely as a patient like I am now.”294d54c4f048a5e0

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The doctor seemed uncertain whether the man before him was a real inspector or not. Shavonne didn’t miss this hesitation and shouted loudly85d1703f2b906bd8

“What are you waiting for?!”000a024764c06cb2

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Only then did the doctor hurriedly start preparing for the medical examination. Shavonne tightly gripped and then released Lewellyn’s limp hand that was draped over his shoulder. It was a cold hand.d898dbed5c91f142

Inside the clinic, Shavonne silently looked down at Lewellyn lying on the bed. Whether in Room 303 or here at the clinic, Lewellyn was still sound asleep. Not panting, not shaking or twisting his head. Not even moaning, ‘Shavonne, don’t go.’64d825f7053dbe03

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“…”10263e1386a3f2e6

It was unbearable to look at. Shavonne closed his eyes. But if there was one thing Shavonne had overlooked, it was that fear could never be avoided whether one’s eyes were closed or open. Fear slowly began to dampen the nape of Shavonne’s neck.74af76e38402a3f2

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What if Lewellyn never opened his eyes again? If Shavonne could never eat the onion bagels or onion steaks that Lewellyn made, never hear Lewellyn’s morning greeting of ‘did you dream of me?’ or his nightly ‘dream of me’…a5d25c3bf5737cca

If Shavonne were to lose Lewellyn…0266c233925b8629

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―Mr. Shavonne, can’t I be the only one in your world?26899c902cd0ade4

Shavonne recalled something Lewellyn had said once. What had Shavonne thought back then? That love couldn’t become one’s world, that love becoming one’s world was just an empty romance for daydreamers. Not knowing that someday, Shavonne would be afraid of losing his world, Lewellyn.95a42e21cc6c482a

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Even Shavonne didn’t know when exactly Lewellyn had become his ‘romance’.174c031d7ef63c6d

Maybe it was after seeing Lewellyn’s scar-covered body, or maybe it was after waiting all night for Lewellyn when he ran away. If he were to meticulously search through his memories, he might be able to pinpoint when it started. But now wasn’t the time to do that. He was afraid that the memories he shared with Lewellyn might turn into mere ‘memories’. He was afraid of the pain, afraid of the loneliness.dd9ac31821417b28

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They say that as love deepens, the world becomes rosy, but that was all a lie. As love deepens, the world becomes full of dangers. An empty corridor that one would have barely noticed when alone becomes frightening, raindrops that one wouldn’t have cared about when alone become scary. The silence that one would have taken for granted when alone becomes terrifying.d86200e63ee3ec65

Why does life c4d1f0bf2f become scarier the 66ab4179be more one loves?274108576f86ecd0

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Shavonne buried his face in his hands and hunched over. The world pressed down on Shavonne’s back. It was overwhelming.8d0a5843d0c2be7f

The doctor said that Lewellyn would wake up soon. When asked how soon ‘soon’ was, he replied, “Anywhere from five minutes to twelve hours?” Shavonne frowned. How can that be 362f135c87 ‘soon’?c0c82794215d03c6

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Shavonne planned to take Lewellyn to Dr. Fawkes’s hospital if he didn’t wake up within an hour. He didn’t want to reveal the existence of his ex-murderer lover to Dr. Fawkes, but if the situation worsened, he had no choice.ca6190174af0813c

Dr. Fawkes’s hospital was said to provide treatment on par with the Royal Physician. Of course, they charged astronomical fees that would cost an ordinary person their entire fortune. Since Dr. Fawkes himself had told this story, there was no possibility of it being a lie. Although Shavonne had never been to Dr. Fawkes’s hospital, he figured that given its famous reputation, he could easily find it by asking around Rewood Street.1f52cbcfc95a7fc6

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As Shavonne repeatedly 5c58e2d033 rubbed his face, af08d99a0d the doctor, who 617e2a3aac had been glancing af982facd2 at him furtively, d39dd9cc76 cautiously asked a f8c1e9195a question. It was already the 6a30227aa0 fifth time he had d148252f10 asked today.13fdbb82375ff511

“You’re really an inspector, right?”ab632321730be73d

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“If you ask one more time, I’ll write in the evaluation report that you might have dementia.”8c179af642adec24

Shavonne replied without taking his eyes off Lewellyn’s sleeping face. Shavonne’s face was dry and devoid of any hint of a smile.1057055a00848ce1

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“I’m not asking because I don’t believe you. It’s just strange.”47d2e53da93d95ef

“Keep your strangeness to yourself. Don’t tell me about it.”c1eaede838664a9e

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“Well, it’s not that you’re strange, sir. It’s that the… patient you brought in is strange.”c0145545c7b36be7

Shavonne turned 1fe36581f8 to look c0c9142141 at the ff91202a70 doctor. The doctor asked,29b778f1e7339f18

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“What happened to this person before they lost consciousness?”c6f25b3d11a10b23

“…They took sleeping pills.”7ae568f088f62b87

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Shavonne swallowed the words 1808f6d235 ‘It must have been dbcad39a30 due to side effects.’ f8267d64fd The words ‘side effects’ edbec5ea26 felt very uncomfortable.07a9fb2400d86344

The doctor muttered to himself, “Sleeping pills, sleeping pills…” and then spoke up.5eafab24ec3aa242

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“Could you bring me those ‘sleeping pills’ next time?”c9ff60fcfbab5040

Shavonne said he 69377b2223 would. He showed no other 561285bf00 reaction.963be27d7d64e8d6

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After the doctor 2a5f6b3503 left, only the 9b0f7b80cc two of them e8a1d74dc1 remained in the 9109e199cd empty hospital room. Despite it being dawn, e3efeb2bf4 it was still dark 6c3b5cfe13 outside. Daybreak was too b2d92ef451 far away.15eac889814d1983

***d9cf6f54015972bb

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There’s an end to everything. Love is no exception. Whether it’s death that ends love or discord, there’s no such thing as endless love.fc787bd041ed9266

Shavonne wanted to die the day before losing Lewellyn. He didn’t want to see the end. Shavonne was too weak to endure the end, and he lacked the strength, courage, and will to not become weak. Shavonne simply didn’t want to hurt.0b9420f6cab06289

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He remembered 3beb9ab012 a certain 4dde47112c evening when 5afb0286b5 all of 7cb0442a76 Bunch was ecc9daa9a2 dyed in 15f0b8bb6d a romantic 636f749be0 purple. Twilight, spring. The cozy dusk of c722fc7df2 the moon and stars. And a gentle darkness.d9dc42312f33499d

He shouldn’t have gone to find Lewellyn then.85d1e1b9a1ff51d4

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He shouldn’t have said, “I like you.”0b38e03bac69ed54

He shouldn’t have said, “Would you go out with me?”71b04d0f9c807be1

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Even if it meant dying buried in solitude, he shouldn’t have done anything.43466a1f4a98be68

Shavonne regretted it. It was f3abce7816 the first c541a7d326 time since 816ff21b0a falling in feabd93d9e love with 777e89a2e4 Lewellyn.acd275b66b71d8a8

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He shouldn’t have loved.ed4eb4d0027017de

He shouldn’t have created a situation where he could lose him.83b31c01a1e394e3

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Lewellyn.7c319c44712a8ae5

Don’t go.c3bfa6c1ab407404

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Words that shouldn’t be said swirled in his throat. It stung.15052012efc072f3

Lewellyn opened 4803a702b6 his eyes.528154e4016c77a1

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Lewellyn regained consciousness around dawn at five o’clock, as the early morning light began to stream through the window.3419caf9576731fd

Despite having kept vigil by the bedside all along, Shavonne didn’t see Lewellyn wake up. He had been curled up, his head cradled in both arms. Shavonne had been regretting. Everything was a matter of regret.307230f12695947d

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Starting from‘I shouldn’t have given him the sleeping pills,’ to ‘Why didn’t I say anything? I should have at least hinted that I was going to give him sleeping pills. I should have done that!’, ‘No, I should have refused Turner’s offer to give me sleeping pills. Yes. First of all, I shouldn’t have told the truth about not being able to sleep.’234b71e8e2086937

While Shavonne wasn’t looking, Lewellyn opened his eyes. His previously still eyelids trembled slightly, then opened to reveal his golden eyes. His haggard gaze slowly moved from the ceiling to the wall, then to the bed, and finally rested on Shavonne, who was keeping watch at the bedside.58dfadbad7efb391

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Lewellyn just quietly looked up at Shavonne, who was curled up with his head in his arms. Shavonne’s face wasn’t visible due to his arms cradling his head and his fallen hair. Instead of calling out ‘Shavonne,’ Lewellyn raised his hand and brushed aside Shavonne’s fallen hair. Their eyes met. Shavonne’s eyes widened belatedly.f6c698f4d9f03d43

“Lewellyn, I’m…”686daf51e9457cb2

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He was about to say he was sorry. That it was Shavonne’s fault for not telling him in advance, for giving him sleeping pills without saying a word due to the childish desire to give him a ‘good sleep’ as a surprise gift.d90bf62e11fd3f03

However, before he could even offer the apology he had prepared, an unexpected response cut off Shavonne’s words.00b75058e3a70ca6

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“You didn’t leave.”90e830a8aa0d485e

His throat closed 91dd50a098 up.50de91e697464edf

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“That’s a good thing. For you, of course, not for me. If you had left, I was planning to chase you down immediately and put shackles on your ankles.”0fc7d03ba7a80ced

A faint laugh. Perhaps because he had been unconscious for over ten hours, Lewellyn’s voice was hoarse and cracked. Shavonne couldn’t say anything. It felt like there was a thorn stuck in his throat. Every time he swallowed, a stinging pain jabbed his throat, stopped, and then started again.fe05b081b637a83f

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“Are you not going to say anything?”2caca164e607ceb5

Lewellyn’s hand fidgeted with Shavonne’s face. As Lewellyn’s touch caressed his hair, pinched his cheek, and lightly brushed the bridge of his nose, Shavonne felt his mouth clamp shut even more tightly, let alone speak.221d6ae95a6ca5dd

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“Really?”494916565fcbacfb

Lewellyn pushed Shavonne’s fallen hair behind his ear while maintaining eye contact. As if all of this was no big deal. Shavonne still couldn’t say anything. Regardless of his intentions, Shavonne had given Lewellyn sleeping pills without any warning and had nearly sent his lover to his grave. What could someone like Shavonne possibly say?4054ce677422d243

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Lewellyn stopped his 4a9019a15e hand and quietly c8f662edfd observed Shavonne. After a moment, he a60ba4aa92 deliberately narrowed his eyes 09841a330b and wrinkled his nose 093c5c9c71 playfully.e2fca8fd271de128

“You’re terrible. I already knew it, but you’re really terrible, Mr. Shavonne. So mean.”f694f0aa7fe5e8dc

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Finally, Shavonne had to b824b7a788 force out some words. His voice 7380d1f57a was harsh.4ff7708f194fae0f

“…I have some sense of shame.”9fcd49547472c2dd

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“Do you? I had no idea.”78e980aa08eb372e

“…Lewellyn, what can I possibly say? No, what do you want me to say?”0100de309b1564e2

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“I don’t know, anything?”d75b510fa72021cd

There was only one 74d4b02b5c thing he could say.8ce6ec08c10f7734

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“I’m sorry.”a86d3a0d6ee50935

“Not that. Something else.”37f9e286115dd596

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He could only do that. Apart from ‘I’m sorry,’ there was only one other thing Shavonne could say.a5a6936a6662f772

“I want to apologize for giving you sleeping pills without any warning.”c5bbcf411bb9d0ed

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“Not that. Something else.”058cc78cb3ef5b4c

Lewellyn made a gesture 2ea1aa6cf7 of waving his hand 99c446661c dismissively.f9e59477629d510a

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When you do something wrong, you should apologize. That’s common sense. But is it really right for the perpetrator to apologize when the victim doesn’t want it?The question c827f3164a flashed through a5b5979600 his mind. Shavonne closed his mouth. His throat hurt as 830a4989a1 if the thorn stuck d7c8b36521 in his throat had 7e8ccff4a4 grown larger.a269345d934a57e4

“…Shackles, you said.”ddcb7136dc0e5261

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Was it because his throat was strained? Shavonne’s voice came out hoarse. Lewellyn laughed. He seemed to find it amusing that Shavonne had mentioned the shackles.64ae5b6a8f0e9f40

“You don’t like the idea?”2881c96711665228

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Starting with putting on shackles and ending with demolishing all the stairs in the Ira apartment building. Lewellyn recited all the various ways he would keep Shavonne from leaving, whether they were feasible or not. Shavonne thought that maybe Lewellyn wasn’t speaking because he wanted to, just as Shavonne wasn’t listening because he wanted to. Perhaps Lewellyn was doing his best to divert attention so that Shavonne couldn’t blame himself.74ba74a6bf3cfda0

As he looked at Lewellyn, gradually all the sounds in the world faded away. It felt distant. He could see Lewellyn’s lips moving busily, but he couldn’t hear his voice.b4d13d38e4efa77f

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Shavonne wanted to hold e8bf1cc105 onto Lewellyn by any 103745b466 means necessary. He wanted to a3444d222f put shackles on ac0ad81c32 him as Lewellyn 8dd7ee38e3 had said, and 530f4d1e26 he wanted to 5cb8be2552 demolish all the 101e84bd76 stairs in the 5d96197993 Ira apartment building. But in the end, a38ad3fa00 he knew that Lewellyn dcb226a31d would leave someday. He knew he dbd4c988ec would.0d84c0246fe3f985

I know 479379cdeb I will 48fb62ffa6 be left 94f947e655 alone.700d4fc2bc46668b

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The growing thorn blocked Shavonne’s airway. He couldn’t breathe as if a transparent, enormous hand was choking him. Beyond the window, five in the morning was breaking into a blue dawn. A silent suffocation enveloped the room.b964c7665c091658

***5ff4d935593c1df2

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After going to a clinic, you have to pay the clinic fee. Shavonne only realized this obvious fact just before leaving for the Ira apartment building with Lewellyn. The doctor, who was standing as if to say ‘shouldn’t you pay the clinic fee before you go?’, had a face that had never even considered the possibility that Inspector Allium Cepa might have gone without a single penny.ece65ba65cedb0f6

What a fiasco. Shavonne’s face stiffened. He didn’t have a penny. In his haste to leave the house, he hadn’t thought to bring his wallet. Under normal circumstances, he would have identified himself, said he’d come back to pay later or asked for the bill to be sent to his home address, but now that he had lied about being an inspector, he couldn’t do that.23ee74de478a55e0

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While Shavonne was at a loss for what to do, the doctor said, “Don’t you have cash? If not…” and then handed him a piece of paper with a pen on top. It seemed he wanted Shavonne to write down the home address where the bill should be sent. Shavonne held the pen awkwardly, not knowing what to write. If he wrote a fake address, an innocent household would have to pay it, and if he wrote his real address, the doctor would know he was fooled.c375b9bf6bf04712

“Inspector Cepa?”9eb3d04cf23128b9

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The doctor tilted his 8d4026e459 head. A puzzled 4b397273a7 look was 2900c77269 spreading across 763a3455b9 his round 55f0499871 face. Just as Shavonne was d319cf240c wondering about what to a84c303b5e do, a hand reached ee4853500b out from behind him 09a23da283 and snatched the pen 523a0e40e8 he was holding. It also bc89551c09 took the bf7cf287bf paper he d0b0af38e6 was holding. Then.3cb550564f7833ec

“I’ll write it.”ac9b3369be076dfe

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It was Lewellyn. He started writing an address on the paper. As Shavonne had hoped, it was an unfamiliar address. Judging by the name ‘Iroph Storage,’ it fortunately didn’t seem to be a private residence.f578f96eec475639

Lewellyn told the doctor to collect the money there. The doctor, upon receiving the paper, showed a questioning look, saying, “But this isn’t a private residence address?” Lewellyn replied in a casual tone while putting the pen back in its holder.b8b11dce5bbbffd7

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“No, it’s not.”377a57a0fb46654c

“But you need to tell me where your private residence is so I can…”b28cdd32e12ed285

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“‘You can’?”762a08043186cf85

Lewellyn raised an eyebrow. Flustered by the blunt question, the doctor hesitated and couldn’t continue speaking. Lewellyn took his hand off the pen holder.09caab9dc0ade15a

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“I can’t tell you. There are too many sketchy individuals coming to seek favors. As you know, our Inspector Cepa is too busy to deal with all the visitors personally.”746c4d39d1aaa779

Lewellyn’s pronunciation of “Inspector Cepa” was smooth. Glancing at him, Lewellyn looked completely natural, as if there was no problem at all. A faint smile filled his face.4c8ab5e29db901ab

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“I’m sure you understand that, don’t you?”b48de5ee597cc9c0

It would be impossible def336a800 to say he didn’t 3cf4aff379 after the way he bd02aab5b4 spoke. Like most people dealing 6ea2c168cf with Lewellyn, the doctor, cfdca814bc caught up in his d5ebad442b pace, reluctantly nodded in 135fe38e03 agreement.6327203b76e2dfe1

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“Let’s go, Inspector.”0cb15e8a39465d7b

Lewellyn led the way. His face had a slight smile. Shavonne couldn’t smile back. He realized that without Lewellyn, he would have been caught red-handed.82a4ba253cc94e66

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If Lewellyn wasn’t there. Shavonne wondered what weight Lewellyn’s absence would carry. It would overturn his entire daily life, like losing an eye, or the nose, or the mouth. The thorn in his throat, which he thought had shrunk, began to swell again. The thorn’s presence made his throat tighten.ad092a50c4dae077

As soon as they left the clinic, Lewellyn took off his shoes. Shavonne wondered what he was doing, but it turned out Lewellyn intended to put them on Shavonne’s bare feet. Although Shavonne hastily waved his hands in refusal, Lewellyn paid no attention. He bent down, lifted Shavonne’s bare feet covered in scratches, and put the shoes on. “An ‘inspector’ shouldn’t be barefoot,” he said, playfully emphasizing the word ‘inspector.’22b72b6d3d21b459

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Shavonne was so 055ba56e84 surprised that he 7bcaa82e14 stood stiffly in c15c7c65d2 place, but only d5b537380a for a moment. Belatedly coming to his 71f0c575e3 senses, he quickly rubbed c5a44cfcd7 his ankles to take 6332cdee01 off the shoes. Perhaps because he had 14f7103db8 sprained it while running 8cee5eec5d with Lewellyn on his e6e807c809 back at night, his 63f20fe70b ankle throbbed severely.8b38f557950061ee

“It’s fine. This kind of consideration isn’t necessary…”9b518442d82268bd

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“If you know it’s a consideration, just wear them without complaining.”577da82e2fe6045e

Lewellyn raised and lowered his eyebrows lightly. Unable to face him, Shavonne lowered his gaze. Fixing his gaze on Lewellyn’s nape, he replied.b62f0b3d68592d04

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“…It seems more logical for only one of us to have scratched feet rather than both of us.”1835a48cbdb819b2

“My goodness, I didn’t know Mr, Shavonne was the type to only do logical things. I thought you were definitely not that type, given how many irrational things you do.”1999da3e8b5ea7fc

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“I haven’t done anything irrational.”46de9389c345bbc9

“In case you didn’t know, the things you’ve done today are typically called irrational actions, Mr. Shavonne.”14a33c543fc87d38

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“‘Actions’?”f7485d328903514f

The irrational action a06d42c0b1 Shavonne had in 7684d9a095 mind was just 4949d5736c one: giving Lewellyn 845a4eab2c sleeping pills without ab9eab195b any warning. When he 63e7c53961 asked, Lewellyn 206bf992e4 counted on 2d6d7a004f his fingers 994bfb5430 and listed 5ce1302029 them one 4155f67849 by one.44b277d0b71fa9d3

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“First, giving sleeping pills without any warning. Second, coming to the clinic without a penny. Third, lying to the doctor about being an inspector. Fourth, rejecting the shoes your lover personally put on your bare feet.”49ebb6f79a07b038

Shavonne couldn’t refute. Lewellyn smiled faintly.d467285d62307f99

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“Now that you heard all that, don’t you feel like you should wear the shoes?”a12a26541960f959

“Well, I…”1287826ecf00eed1

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“If not, don’t say anything. I have no intention of listening.”41a6de006ad4147d

So stubborn. After the brief argument, Shavonne said he understood. Lewellyn said, “You should, after how much I’ve tried to persuade you,” not giving an inch, and smiled brightly. Again, Shavonne couldn’t smile back. What would happen if Lewellyn wasn’t there? Would there be anyone else who would give up their shoes for Shavonne, knowing they would end up barefoot themselves?4d9a159ca1d8f53e

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He couldn’t be sure. Shavonne silently lowered his head. Lewellyn knelt down and brought his hands to Shavonne’s bare feet. The feet that were always clean were now covered in wounds from running through the streets all night.931cd448103a98f3

Lewellyn’s face, which had been staring down blankly, became quite serious. He slowly pressed his lips to the top of Shavonne’s foot and then pulled away. Shavonne flinched at the unexpected action. Noticing this reaction, Lewellyn looked up at Shavonne. He was smiling.152d8a4b8f2fdaf8

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“Because you’re precious.”27c492be06df8045

Once again. The thorn 02d76bc6a9 pierced his 9a8891efb0 throat.5789bce19cb1e517

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“There’s nothing as precious as you, Mr. Shavonne.”0825eeab9561fe9c

Precious. It was a word that had never been associated with him from birth until now. Shavonne wasn’t precious. If he had been precious, his parents wouldn’t have abandoned him, and he wouldn’t have been unloved or unadopted at the orphanage. He wouldn’t have been scraping by as a ghostwriter in Ira Street, the poorest slum in Bunch. He wouldn’t have been a complete loner who had never invited or been invited by anyone. He wouldn’t have been lonely.8c5de236b7819b82

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However, at that 5464ca4254 moment, what Shavonne 1d68c22a4f focused on was 8eaafb985c not whether he 8463cb9623 was actually precious 8dad6c4150 or not.b99888726c502a43

If Lewellyn wasn’t there.432d5074c21ad978

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Who would call Shavonne 0a82f10d41 precious if Lewellyn wasn’t 0db127a827 there?5bde5a216529f5e6

“…”4c9f9bbf5d4609fd

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His throat throbbed cbaeaaec64 with the sting 9fffa4d371 of the thorn. Despite knowing it’d be 8abde2870d impossible, it felt as 0ba640f78d if blood was flowing fc0048b11b down his esophagus. Lowering his gaze, 00c6c2e164 the shadow cast 798ed265be on the floor acb89c70c9 appeared long and aefc8438d4 thin. Dawn was breaking faintly 2dc458b2b4 in the distance, but f55a88d1aa where Shavonne stood was 449f6bc56c still dark. It seemed it c04291821c would never brighten.9d3d30378c6d1048

Anyone who has ever da4174e41c loved something would know. The deeper the d0e5c35f4e love, the more 6daa03a291 deadly the wound. Wounds made the soul ce41bb57d7 fester, rot, and eventually 149c61f31a had to be cut 910761106c out. There were afe2ff6307 no exceptions. The evidence was 2a6c4d4c4f the people all a792b1772d over the world 339baea439 who had become 63f0498af0 disabled in this 70a01a155b way.b77208bf814095fb

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Shavonne decided to love fd9ab236b8 Lewellyn less. No more 2cd74ebd11 and no d63230a26b less than 8e2b320d54 just a 6e4b03f182 little bit 38652736a1 a day. As it accumulated, af4a4e42c8 it would eventually e6ce382c4a become a far 1320ff22e8 enough distance to a68daacd2f not be hurt 4ac54c34a4 even when their 12a418cf35 love ended.244873244a4c0f88

He knew he 16fa9208e7 would be lonely. But he also knew 9e81345720 that becoming lonely was 1b417c84f7 more painful than being 3280be4fb2 lonely. Shavonne lacked 8f18283aad the courage 2eff1c0086 to endure 97f99b167c the pain. He was a coward.66e65c139bc36cd6

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It was an inevitable choice even if the whole world pointed fingers at him, calling him a coward. Because the world wouldn’t ease Shavonne’s pain. It was only Shavonne alone who had to bear the burden.de3ff16f1ec7a660

At night, Lewellyn was sound asleep, holding Shavonne. Not panting, not shaking or twisting his head. Not even groaning, “Shavonne, don’t go.” Lewellyn’s explanation was that he didn’t have nightmares when he slept holding Shavonne, or more precisely, when Shavonne’s scent was at the tip of his nose.49c3e2bf12b30d65

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He didn’t know if it was true or not. One thing was clear: right now, being held by Lewellyn to sleep, or more precisely, with Lewellyn’s regular breathing in his ear, Shavonne couldn’t fall asleep.e29f8668429e050e

Shavonne lay 051a0c5364 awake all 2e38e29143 night. It was 24d959d76f the same 62ae1003ae the next c86199fbf7 day, and 4b90267038 the day e716b6c5c5 after that.f6e7b6ab7d81462d

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Shavonne developed insomnia.5a27442151d189ee

Anyone at the age of 29 would have experienced not being able to sleep. Shavonne was no different. There was a time when he couldn’t sleep for three days straight, anxious that the publishing company that had commissioned him for ghostwriting might run off with the money. But that was it. Years later, Shavonne was alive and well, sleeping every day.2e13d50b654b1f14

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Sometimes he had bad dreams, sometimes good dreams. Of course, there were times when he didn’t dream at all. Insomnia was a temporary pain. It would dull over time and be washed away cleanly like water after several years. Insomnia couldn’t kill a person.bc9bf08fad233405

However, there 795593218b was one 492a371303 thing Shavonne a7ba93f85e overlooked. While insomnia might 7308fb1ca5 not be able e2e2e37f5d to kill a 113358b68d person, chronic insomnia c9b6764877 could.3c6926b9b7b47147

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He thought it would pass in a day or two. But when it had been a week since he couldn’t sleep, Shavonne had to change his mind. That it might not end in just a day or two. That what he thought was a cold that would go away in two weeks might actually be pneumonia he’d have to live with for the rest of his life. The fear that he might never be able to sleep again like this forever swept through Shavonne’s mind.27833fc460457b2a

On the first day of not being able to sleep, Shavonne suffered from extreme drowsiness, and from some point on, his head cleared as if he had become alert. It felt like his brain was racing. ‘Mr. Lewellyn, something’s wrong with my body.’ He was about to say, but remembering his resolution to love Lewellyn less, no more and no less than just a little bit a day, he tightly shut his mouth. This is the 249434e1f1 first little bit,he repeated to himself.732d642a9693b57f

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From the second day, his vision began to shake. The ceiling collapsed and the pillars bent. The typewriter melted. The letters on the manuscript writhed as if they each had life. When he came to his senses, he had dozed off. 3 minutes. Shavonne slept for 3 minutes. As he later found out, Shavonne slept an average of 5 minutes. No matter how much he slept, he couldn’t exceed 20 minutes.7757dccbc9603325

That day too, Lewellyn, who had slept soundly holding Shavonne, saw Shavonne awake as soon as he opened his eyes. Not thinking that he might not have been able to sleep, he stroked Shavonne’s hair with an alluring smile and whispered,6e77ec28c4ca1ea7

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“Did you wake up early to admire my handsome face? You’re so sly.5014acfcbb0e1e44

Shavonne was about to say that it was true that he was handsome, but that wasn’t why he woke up early, that he just couldn’t sleep, but he just nodded instead. This is the 4032042aa0 second little bit,he repeated to 42a1e842c3 himself.b9d52cc6ccac1287

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From the third day, his brain began to turn to mush. His head and body acted separately. His head thought he should do something, but his body wouldn’t follow. One example was when Shavonne cut his finger while slicing bread. Blood flowed, and the blood from his finger even soaked the bread he was holding, but he couldn’t do anything. Because no thoughts came to mind.968026e1bb2ea6e1

If Lewellyn hadn’t rushed over calling “Shavonne!” he would have stayed like that. Even while Lewellyn sucked Shavonne’s injured finger, applied medicine, and put on a gauze, Shavonne had no thoughts.21f4e488b032d631

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“What’s wrong? Tell me.”b12acec6cb925961

Lewellyn said. Shavonne suppressed the urge to confess and replied, “It’s nothing.” This is 799de5e778 the third 4fb77a6c36 little bit,he thought to himself.be2bbf7b0f1ec026

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From the fourth day, e5c316f416 his thoughts began to 0431c3f594 disintegrate.Sleep, was the be2a6f50e1 first letter of 8d4975e7ee LewellynR or L¹? Is it winter? I should 960c13ae00 write the c71954b0c1 manuscript, I 5db7469c67 need to d8cd85f85f sleep, can 577e919d08 I love 297c171726 Lewellyn less? Will it snow? If this manuscript wins the royal competition…, I need to sleep, feels like there’s a thorn in my throat maybe it’s the typewriter sound, it’s an L, right, if I have money and honor will I get better? What if a homeless person freezes to death in front of a communal housing? There was a corpse in front of the communal housing whose corpse was it? A corpse Lewellyn killed, no, was it R, I can’t love Lewellyn less but I have to love him less what was my name, manuscript, I need to sleep…0bccb2f7f9e8be81

It was around this time that Lewellyn gradually began to notice Shavonne’s insomnia.fcbb33fd407df668

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“Shavonne, you can’t sleep?”572cab46ff0d44bf

Lewellyn was worried. His face was pale as if it was Lewellyn, not Shavonne, who hadn’t slept for four days.fbb9f81cee08ef23

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“Is it because I’m holding you while sleeping? Do I talk in my sleep?”3883049536559c6f

“No. You don’t.”cf54d48d7461bc0f

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“Should I stay awake until you fall asleep? Should I read you a book? Or sing you a lullaby?”3042ee52b7c6ba60

“It’s fine.”8aa845c89f1a723c

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“You don’t like 《Cous Cous》 or 《Yellow, Yellow, Yellow Squirrel》? What do you want to hear? I’ll sing for you. What would you like me to do? No, how can I help you?”e5a0efd52ffb6cd0

Lewellyn was desperate. Shavonne was about to say he’d like Lewellyn to do everything he could, but stopped. Sharing the burden was no different from enlarging Lewellyn’s place. The larger Lewellyn’s place became, the larger the empty space Shavonne would have to endure when left alone in the future. Shavonne looked down at the floor, avoiding Lewellyn’s gaze, and then spoke. “I’d like you to do nothing.” This is the fourth 524b3321c8 little bit,he thought to f09186ec05 himself.12c4fbd82cef7c1b

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From the fifth day, having a conversation became impossible. If Lewellyn said, “Shavonne. You look sick,” each word – Shavonne, look, sick – would be input into Shavonne’s head. Then it would tear. As if someone had ripped a piece of paper to shreds.16d1e9f077b662f6

“Will there really be a war? The Daily Bunch said so.” Shavonne answered. Lewellyn silently looked at Shavonne. Perhaps because Lewellyn hadn’t been able to sleep since realizing Shavonne’s insomnia, his eyes were bright red with burst blood vessels. Shavonne pretended not to notice. This is the fifth a55d3bd89c little bit,he thought to 7e9c5867b7 himself.ae988955dbab44a2

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From the sixth day, he couldn’t write. To be precise, he only then realized that he couldn’t write. To be clear, Shavonne hadn’t gone to work for the past six days. He had sent a telegram saying he would be writing at home for a week because he had to take care of a sick dog, and Turner, although reluctant, had agreed.d9877eb5b1d18d9e

It was a strange thing. It was Turner who had said the reason for writing in the multifamily residential was due to security issues, but he didn’t object at all as if he had forgotten it himself.02febc8d209c14bd

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Shavonne dismissed cd4bfe54cc it as d4dfd05f4a consideration. He only thought e5d09c86ac about repaying with 655727f5a0 an excellent manuscript d05ef2c471 in six days. But now, the manuscript aabace368b Shavonne had written for 1c01a7c840 six days had become c4e381e00d scrap. Not only 0dff38d1ee was the d34a72676b content so bb588f7f4d incoherent that 6a1ce2f44e it was 11ac86ea58 incomprehensible, but 56eb09347f all the 24d1e7fc64 sentences were 978ef957bd wrong too. It was 3e4a5f4dee a mess. When speech disintegrated, writing 26e945e972 was impossible. In a way, 789348cbb4 he had already e912dd0ce2 expected that result.29b9692296639120

From that day, Shavonne began to make desperate efforts to sleep. He took a lower-body bath and drank a warm glass of milk before bed. He couldn’t go for a walk because he couldn’t control his body. Instead, he circled the house three times, groping along the walls.281164532ef3c7d6

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Despite all efforts, Shavonne couldn’t sleep. Wanting to at least faint, he banged his head against the wall when Lewellyn wasn’t looking, but he didn’t faint.24373d5d2b390e22

He couldn’t get sleeping pills either. According to what he heard, because the price was astronomical and the distributed amount was minimal, only nobles or those connected to nobles could get them. He was about to ask for advice from Lewellyn, who was unexpectedly knowledgeable in various fields, but gave up. This is 56d748fc47 the sixth 0a41c88f66 little bit,he thought to 18d1847c54 himself.5b4c7ff1db06fc98

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On the seventh day, Shavonne tried to go out. “Look in the mirror. If I don’t accompany you, you’ll surely be mistaken for a severe drug addict and locked up in jail,” Lewellyn insisted on going together, so Shavonne snuck out of the house when Lewellyn wasn’t looking.6a745f5d2decd0d0

Of course, knowing that he might not be able to control his body, he drank ten cups of coffee to help with alertness. Just in case it wasn’t enough, he even borrowed and smoked a cigarette from the janitor.19d63698f671f0e4

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It was effective. It couldn’t not have an effect, as he coughed so hard his face turned bright red with each puff of the cigarette. Throughout the walk, Lewellyn’s pale face kept flickering before his eyes, but he pushed it away. This is 2a3a80c8a7 the seventh d7360f25c0 little bit,he thought to himself.ee0a54acb752451b

The place 0aa1793696 Shavonne went 2e0ab52b7c to was ae29e44e7e the multifamily 443cba048d complex.605df523a274c202

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“How come you’ve shown up to work without notice…”738ed29ef1767ea2

Turner, who was fe44605cb5 absentmindedly opening the 4372c4c3d7 door, stopped mid-sentence. His disheveled face, as b971133637 if he had just d7dfe27283 woken up, showed a 164ad88d2e hint of bewilderment.111ceb62230b2634

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“Why do you look like that?”57620e3bb4065bb2

Sunken face and eyes, 293bf2dfc2 bloodshot red from lack 91e6899e4b of sleep. On top of that, 377e0c8921 Shavonne had become extremely efd8450123 thin in a week. He was 2af690b0d1 so emaciated 8037701d96 that it a8ffa18a86 seemed like a31c64ccd1 his bones d772ea6e40 might creak 541f8c9690 with the a6370ac039 slightest movement.078b122f390037e9

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Shavonne didn’t feel the need to explain the circumstances in detail. He didn’t have the energy for it either. The effects of ten cups of coffee and the cigarette seemed to have worn off, and his consciousness was already wavering. Terrible drowsiness. But he didn’t allow himself to sleep.fd94153190df62c6

“Mr. Turner.”47ac92dfd7a29dcc

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His voice 666ce39c23 was so 733952c3ec hoarse and a0f59810da cracked that 4b8da91384 it could bbe2b9bc85 hardly be 42a38c9888 thought of 1c4cfb69c5 as human. Turner adjusted his posture e43c575d9e and looked at Shavonne ea115bf12a as if to say, 8ca9e529e8 ‘speak’.49088a27c1c0837c

Shavonne felt his vision blurring. A week of insomnia had driven Shavonne’s mind to the brink. It seemed as if wind was blowing from somewhere. Below the steep cliff. The wind of death, blowing from a black hole so deep its bottom couldn’t be seen.63b45f71d8380947

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“The sleeping pills you gave me last time…, do you have any more?”83ed1d4cc88340ec

While insomnia might not 132f8598f1 be able to kill f68bbebee3 a person, chronic insomnia d519db0d33 could. He had already had 21e277b8c9 enough.e958a3b1de284198

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***2f0d0aa5b13eb750

Of course, he hadn’t asked for sleeping pills without taking any precautions.7ff0974d5e1543f7

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Those sleeping pills eb979bff1c had almost killed 28c572947f someone. If it had been 86e4270258 something he had just ca9ed4f95e heard as a rumor, b5e0e3c73e he might have let c2e9eba119 it slide, but not 3e420433f5 this time. He had clearly cc08d22cec seen with his aa7c3d54ae own eyes Lewellyn a66cad60ef unable to open c49f471bde his eyes for 223fae6484 ten hours after 9ddee33801 taking the sleeping 6534511ee4 pill.a53c683cc4bb6bb4

Turner wouldn’t have given Shavonne the sleeping pills to harm him. There was no reason to, and if he had, he should have shown some disappointment when he saw Shavonne still breathing normally. There were two possibilities. Either the sleeping pills were strange or Lewellyn was strange.fe477dbdf1bca106

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Tak.Shavonne came to his 015aba4925 senses at the sound a548d089bf of something being placed f4df114839 on the bedside table. He must 9b2a51ad60 have dozed dcacb583a5 off without 7d300b40c3 realizing it. Whenever his body stopped c10e41e4fc for even a minute, d3f283542f a terrible drowsiness would 8e2e26c79f come over him, making 47a5c04011 his head feel soggy.084863a4b6f411a7

What was ac6b058d19 placed on 244559ac34 the bedside e449871d40 table was cdb9a2e6f8 water and a3001e2a8e sleeping pills. He recognized e4ec0e3987 them as 3e77bbca8f they were 47fe970bdd the same 37a958dad1 ones from 0bc78d4888 last time. Before picking up the b206e3fa8c medicine, Shavonne asked a 9d7c4a4007 question that he absolutely 9a4acb77e3 needed an answer to.15ffe5222894355a

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“These pills… do they have any side effects?”5b27246f0bdabe66

Turner frowned. As if the word “side effects” was as unpleasant as death, war, or ruin.5a7b388176337e18

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“No. Not for normal people.”79fc2ef106030a07

He didn’t seem to be lying. However, Shavonne couldn’t hastily set aside his suspicion. The image of Lewellyn unable to open his eyes for ten hours was too vivid to shake off his suspicion with just a word from Turner.98d8f23be9219c9e

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“You don’t believe me?”4de1f8be077c0528

Turner was perceptive.efc6a93a78076632

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Shavonne nodded. If he didn’t believe it, he had to say so. There was no reason to lie. “Hmm.” Turner raised his chin and looked at Shavonne. His thoughts were impossible to read. Every time the gaze swept over Shavonne’s face, an indescribable, uncomfortable feeling crept up.0dd7e571c73e4e5e

“Are you allergic to 19bdf1cbba seafood?”1b95fff0fdd73f1a

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“No.”c0f9cbb73a5d7f6e

“How about peaches?”0b3ee5ba754ca89f

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“No.”9351ec314db58c4f

“Walnuts?”e9469dbafd3fee01

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“No.”f0a2abce9bd63241

“Do you have an abnormal physical condition?”0e10d0ba6fa49311

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Abnormal physical condition?b35c06d399818934

“A condition where you have hypersensitive reactions to all medications. I read  that when you have it, you can’t develop ani intolerance. It was in the newspaper. Don’t you know?”5e1ef1a915628252

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An abnormal physical c2fd0519e6 condition. A condition ebfc79c51b where one 12e40c57cd doesn’t develop 3cfe59d8f7 any tolerance 8039bfcb3e and has 8d6014a9ce hypersensitive reactions bce2e31078 to all a50098e151 medications. Far from not 67e69a3243 developing tolerance, Shavonne 988a9c18ac frequently was in c64cbcaee8 trouble because he 8a3d9d1bbd developed tolerance too fb68b5b785 quickly. Of course, he cdfd252414 had never had 717bbfec2d a hypersensitive reaction. Shavonne didn’t have an 810fd7970b abnormal physical condition. Like 99 percent ca2625bb63 of people, he 2f4f7520a7 was normal.4c6e4d0614417d42

But what 1552324885 about Lewellyn?2b8954e4c51e9c20

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Could Lewellyn have an ‘abnormal physical condition’?6d70500b65fa37f6

“Do you have an abnormal physical condition?”8d5c3211ea128b7a

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It was then that Turner’s question wedged into his thoughts. Shavonne answered that he didn’t.c7ed6a041faf020f

“Then you can take it without worry.”f08fcc6b150f68a8

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Turner concluded. When Shavonne didn’t respond, he shrugged his shoulders as if seeking agreement, saying, “right?” Shavonne just stared at Turner with a cold face. Turner let out a long, audible sigh.57b5becab0970aa2

“Now I understand what kind of assurance you want, Mr. Shavonne. If it weren’t you, I would never have gone this far, but well, since it’s Mr. Shavonne.”a5709ccb7765cdd8

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Since it’s Mr. Shavonne. It was a familiar phrase. Until meeting Lewellyn, he was used to the world’s judgment of “It can’t be done because it’s Shavonne,” and after meeting Lewellyn, he got used to Lewellyn’s boasting of “I’ll do it because it’s Mr. Shavonne.”97fd0b894d70cedc

Shavonne had never thought that boasting was irritating. If someone does something nice for you, a little boasting is fine. He thought he could get over it with gratitude. That is, until now, before facing Turner’s arrogant boasting.73dd2bfd4297132f

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Turner’s ‘since it’s Mr. Shavonne’ sounded like ‘since you’re as incompetent as an animal, I have to help you’ with the tone he used. Far from feeling cared for, Shavonne felt like he had become something less than human. Even in the terrible drowsiness that made his consciousness flicker, he was clearly offended.5e0eda064bcde246

Turner picked up the 9f921ce896 sleeping pill. He split it, mixed 3b502e89d2 it with water, and 1f62dce1c0 drank it. The glass, emptied 118555990c cleanly without a dcc397ad3d drop of water 681bcac1ad left, was quickly 9c82300f20 placed in front 4c684cc89d of him. While Shavonne 3626302f08 was dumbfounded 6d7c99d7c2 by such a2dfea090d unexpected action, 05203caeb0 Turner smiled bb7289699f and spoke.25616ae78ba6415c

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“I’ll wake up in three hours from now at the shortest, four hours at the longest.”996bde972c98f573

Am I mistaken? Turner’s finger brushed past the back of Shavonne’s hand. Shavonne stiffened, startled. It was just a brief touch, so brief it was embarrassing to even call it a moment, but the discomfort persisted even after the finger left. It felt like a worm that looked like Turner’s finger was crawling up his skin.5a360ece44d37a9c

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Shavonne swallowed hard, trying d91de46ea4 to suppress the rising fabc9128ef anger. Maybe it was b6ee89d8ec because Shavonne was 1996b0831a oversensitive from lack d163fa3743 of sleep.Right. Right now, Shavonne’s condition was so bad that he wanted to curse even at the sight of a window or fallen leaves rolling on the street.427c3685a98007cc

His Adam’s apple bobbed as he tried to suppress his emotions. Shavonne desperately reminded himself that Turner was the lifeline that would give him money, honor, Lewellyn, and a future where he could be happy. He couldn’t afford to be on bad terms with his only fan and only editor. Moreover, wasn’t Turner the only person giving him sleeping pills? Getting on bad terms was even more out of the question.887f70323a26db51

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Endure it.Shavonne thought that 7287710770 was the best 1a35dc4687 choice for himself. Unfortunately, he did.360d0518e5f2ca0a

“You’ll wake me up, right?”78bfd6d4bd4fcbf3

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As if they were secret lovers, Turner gave a secretive smile. Shavonne didn’t respond. His Adam’s apple just bobbed painfully.a401e8fe6f2743ad

While Turner was asleep, Shavonne searched for and read the newspaper article about the abnormal physical condition. After a week’s worth of drowsiness, the letters seemed to be shattering in front of his eyes, so he couldn’t easily process the content. Shavonne read the newspaper article aloud to drive away sleep and clearly grasp the content of the article at the same time.aae31be54df07af4

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However, when reading the middle part, his mouth was shut tight without him realizing it, and by the time he finished reading, his heart was pounding. The throbbing sound reached to the tips of his fingers and toes. Although he couldn’t understand the technical terms, the words “total or partial pigment deficiency,” “body coldness,” and “abnormal hypersensitivity to medicine” strongly penetrated his mind.63fd82e015ca696c

Pale white skin and golden eyes, a body so cold it made one startled when touched, someone that couldn’t wake up for ten hours after taking 3mg of sleeping pills – these images swept through his mind one after another. A chill ran through him.c485bffdc41e8860

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Just then, the bell rang announcing twelve o’clock. Before Shavonne could even go to the bedroom, Turner woke up at the sound of the bell. Seeing Shavonne at the doorway, he joked.9d4e7c15c7892f18

“The bell woke me up. I truly believed you would wake me up, Mr. Shavonne.”a46154d3f63ec892

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Good complexion, clear eyes, and except for being slightly hoarse from just waking up, his voice was also nice. There was nothing different from usual in Turner’s appearance as he lay in bed. Either the sleeping pills were strange, or Lewellyn was strange. It was the moment when a wedge was driven into the thought that had leaned towards the latter after finishing reading the newspaper article.3919817a3e4141b0

Turner gestured for Shavonne to come closer. When Shavonne did, he suddenly said, “Will you help me up?” and held out both hands. Shavonne felt the discomfort he thought he had swallowed rising again. His Adam’s apple bobbed.f80f9ab80fa5a58b

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“…Can’t you get up on your own?” Even though he spoke without hiding his displeasure, Turner didn’t seem to care and just said, “I took sleeping pills that I didn’t even need to take because of you, and you can’t even help me up?”5ee71041258ba478

Shavonne didn’t want to argue, so he silently helped Turner up. Disgusted by the thought of holding his hand, he grabbed Turner’s wrist, which was covered by his shirt. An unpleasant warmth touched him. It felt sticky, as if he had touched rotten plants. Hw thought for a moment how he wanted to wash away the persistent displeasure.2385e2b2936a0ec0

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After returning home, Shavonne took 0.5mg of sleeping pills. He slept for 30 minutes. When he took 1mg, he slept for an hour. When he woke up, there was nothing unusual. If anything was new, it was just the refreshing feeling. 2mg, 3mg, 4mg… Gradually increasing the amount, that night, Shavonne slept for eight hours without any dreams. It was a sweet, deep sleep.e3e5db3b97d0e2b6

Starting with the good night’s sleep on the day he took the sleeping pills, Shavonne’s discomfort due to insomnia began to gradually resolve. By the time he had been taking them for a week, he was back to normal. His vision didn’t shake, his head and body didn’t act separately, and his thoughts didn’t disintegrate. He could have smooth conversations, and writing flowed easily. It seemed like his condition had improved even more than before taking the sleeping pills. Even if it was only for a moment.9c6486d3365c1d96

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***e4a72f9eae9df1a2

He was busy.ba691a1a10d68c09

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The royal contest was right around the corner, but the novel wasn’t finished. It wasn’t because Shavonne had failed to meet the schedule. As a former ghostwriter who would be immediately cut off if he didn’t meet deadlines, Shavonne was skilled at adhering to schedules. He even finished the manuscript two weeks earlier than scheduled, considering the possibility that the schedule might be moved up due to unavoidable circumstances. The problem was elsewhere.44d1fbb15034e836

“Hmm, I don’t like this page.”4253fa4131433f8b

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Turner pointed to one page. Page 272. It wasn’t possible to ignore the advice of Turner, an 8-year veteran editor with a sharp eye for writing. Although it left a bitter taste in his mouth as it was a page he had put a lot of effort into, he decided to revise it. As Turner demanded immediate revision, he couldn’t return home on time. Shavonne told him that he had to return home on time because his pet was waiting, but Turner just scoffed.42d4584724ea92c2

“It won’t die just because you’re three hours late.”653702b460d2df76

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Shavonne said nothing. A thought 33f1e60884 crossed his 18f0184e1c mind:are all people 399e46805e who are both 90231ac56a fans and editors 0c8fdb37f1 so harsh? When he finished the revisions and hurried home, it was ten o’clock at night. As expected, Lewellyn was waiting for him. He must have come out when it wasn’t dark yet, as he was dressed lightly, walking around the front of the apartment building in that state.8984deb37fa8b5c9

Shavonne bit his lip. Anger welled up. Anger towards Lewellyn, and anger towards himself for making Lewellyn wait. Without warning, he grasped Lewellyn’s wrist tightly and led him into the building.0d22e1d55d4d3604

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“Come in.”7d94d04f54982a3d

His voice cracked. The veins stood out on his neck as he tried not to show his emotions. As he held and led him, Lewellyn’s arm felt like sand in his grip. Sand that seemed like it might slip through his fingers at any moment. Perhaps it already was and when he opened his hand later, there would be nothing except for the red and blue marks on his palm from clenching his hand with all his might.f6232fcd3faaa062

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The image of empty, scarred hands wouldn’t leave his mind. Shavonne spoke in a heavy voice.06c4045a84bd1572

“…Don’t wait for me.”c0a88377e9e4e0a6

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There was no answer. He hadn’t expected him to simply say yes, but when there was no response at all, his lips burned for no reason.932018c8f6b07fa7

“Work has gotten busy. The royal contest is the day after tomorrow…”b3b02a5a6313b307

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Shavonne trailed off. It suddenly occurred 6128f0b591 to him that f682200d51 he had never f53cbe68cf told Lewellyn about 786105230b the royal contest 3f038eff67 before.Should I 876b4a2c68 explain the 7dd6ee71f1 situation in 085437221f detail or ca3fdbe66a just give 98ce853f34 some general b33ef632ba information? Which one de2afdad7e will make a7dfd85bb9 me feel 981c3f8a49 less pain 32e48f131c when Lewellyn fd49c00eb7 is no 29f0e7a61f longer by a384634ebc my side 2bde805f7e in the 460decf84d future? His steps slowed as he thought. It was then that Lewellyn’s response came abruptly.39c6ef0e3bd79651

“Alright.”745c3f2220892c47

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His steps halted.1d0d913f2c84e1df

“I won’t wait.”64d3c0cf3d0afe0a

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He tried to turn around, but couldn’t. He felt that if he turned around, all the efforts Shavonne had made so far to love Lewellyn less would come to nothing.c922a6d94271c4d7

One bit, two bits, three bits, the thirty bits of distance he had painfully created would be closed in an instant. He would hug him, press their cheeks together, kiss his lips, love Lewellyn, and then… a future without Lewellyn would come. Shavonne knew that future would hurt him. Shavonne would be in pain. To an extent he could hardly bear.0911635c5ce3fa27

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He deliberately b9e19b7ef8 reminded himself a0744ce094 of this b4d2d944cf fact. He needed to avoid 027bdc722b loving Lewellyn blindly. Shavonne knew 0800c3a747 that the 5f37f61c6c more blind 5a5cd40cfb the love, 4e03b4b042 the greater c117793b8e it would 22dcca07a5 hurt. He must b66d981b13 not become 346a5a0ca9 foolish.0782a89012bcefd0

“Alright.”e1da333fc7067193

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Shavonne’s voice 8214da9de8 sounded robotic b0104c04ee as he 5a469084bf replied.efcc208832ff1413

What if Shavonne had turned to look at Lewellyn then? If he had, he would have seen that Lewellyn’s wrist had turned pale white from being held too tightly. If he had let go, Lewellyn’s wrist wouldn’t have swollen red in the shape of his hand. If it hadn’t swollen, that night, Lewellyn wouldn’t have spent all night touching his swollen wrist. He wouldn’t have tried to find Shavonne’s warmth in his swollen wrist, not daring to touch the sleeping Shavonne.a4acd7b91c6637c9

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But Shavonne didn’t turn to look at Lewellyn. Not even his shadow did.23693bc2415ed17a

***418580afb4c3f4e8

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A stack of manuscripts was thrown before his eyes. 272 pages. The page number scribbled on the front page was clear. Shavonne looked up at Turner with an expression demanding an explanation. Turner began, “I’ve been thinking,” What an ominous beginning.b6dceb2e2dd56cd8

“I think it’s better unedited than edited. Let’s go with the version you first wrote, Mr. Shavonne. And.”664c084194bc5c48

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Shavonne looked at Turner. Turner was busy 39f1140655 turning the pages 47c64fbbbd of the manuscript, 3bd2d3bbe9 wetting his fingers e127cf3202 with saliva. There was b6afeee6d4 no apology 8c5e827598 for making f19bb50b1c him work d0b517950b in vain.8636eaff3ee95426

“Chapter 3 has a very poor quality. How should I put it… it’s old fashioned, cliché. The princess hosting this royal competition detests old fashioned novels, and I’m not sure that this writing will be worthy of a ‘meteor’.”a4fa31ba48ddc072

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Chapter 3 wasn’t just a one or two page chapter. It was the longest chapter in the novel, spanning a full hundred pages. Ignoring how the words ‘poor quality’, ‘old fashioned’, and ‘cliché’ dug into his bones, Shavonne asked,a84e88908745f4c8

“Which part of Chapter 3?”32abc2713aef1c6c

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Turner shrugged his shoulders c71410cff7 up and down as b84dd43323 if to say‘you don’t even know that?’and answered,24d12fc44b286c28

“All of it.”8c1c1cbbdabe5aec

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There were only two weeks remaining. To revise ‘all’ of Chapter 3 within that time, the given working hours were far from enough. Shavonne looked down at the stack of pages of the manuscript. He saw the letters crammed in without any margins. Over that, he saw an image of himself returning home at midnight. The image of Lewellyn alone until midnight also flickered before his eyes. He didn’t notice how he started biting his lips.0af3c4e29472ef34

“Why don’t you eat, sleep, and work here for a while? I’m sure it will help you cut down on your work time by a lot.”014d5040191532a1

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Shavonne refused. Only after seeing Turner’s face turn red and blue did he have the belated regret of ‘I should have pretended to think about it before refusing.’Turner immediately questioned him. His tone 5149c7da22 was accusatory, b273ea8f8c as if 833edb783f Shavonne had a8a7f7bcdf said something 48d1859cc7 wrong.8efe59b1f402769c

“Why? Is it because of the dog? You can just ask the neighbor to feed it.”5238b0b803793b43

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Shavonne didn’t bother to mention the fact that the ‘dog’ had nightmares if Shavonne wasn’t there to hold him. Instead, he said,30e69268a7defa11

“I don’t know my neighbors, so it’s not like I can ask them for favors.”26081e7e2d76d946

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Returning late was better than staying out all night. Shavonne insisted on leaving work at midnight. When Turner grumbled something, he said he would come to work two hours earlier if he judged he might not meet the deadline on time. Only then did Turner close his mouth. His sullen expression didn’t disappear. Shavonne pretended not to see and buried his nose in the stack of manuscripts.351c750236322269

At midnight, Ira Street changed. It’s quiet, and devoid of people except for prostitutes looking for night customers. The only lights are the gas lamps standing here and there, and even those barely work properly, leaving the street dark. The shadow of Shavonne walking home was filled with fatigue.e17e5cc268efb9c1

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He thought ‘Maybe he’s…’, but the front of the Ira apartment building was empty. There was no one loitering, waiting for someone. Shavonne wondered what the ‘maybe’ he had unconsciously thought of meant. Was that him expecting that maybe Lewellyn was waiting for him, or anxiety that maybe Lewellyn was waiting for him? He couldn’t tell himself.76fd1f34d0ddf7e4

Room 303 9d204cc557 was pitch 7379c353c7 black without 9ca458ac9b a single c0fb6b3d57 light. Whenever he 4577d5cb13 came home, 4aa925e4e0 Lewellyn always 7180ab16ac used to 1ec9253327 come running eeef195857 out breathlessly, e3c8eefa14 but today 2da00944d5 there was 2631b52ed1 no sign fd2574802f of him 7b4ae3d8dc coming to 24b150f7b6 greet him.He must be sleeping. Surprisingly, there were no sounds of heavy breathing, as if he wasn’t having a nightmare.bc47011d415ab5c5

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Having made this premature judgment, Shavonne muffled his movements to avoid waking Lewellyn. He didn’t turn on the lights. He walked slowly to prevent his footsteps from making noise, and carefully took off his coat to avoid the rustling. Even when he bumped into the corner of a piece of furniture while moving, he didn’t let out a groan.f11d74e5d9e59e94

Then…3b65a121ba476e0e

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“Doesn’t it hurt?”3dcf7c17aa9a78b6

The voice came from a place that wasn’t the bed. It was dark and there was no movement, so he hadn’t noticed, but a familiar shadow was standing in front of the work desk.c57ddf1f37dbc127

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“I thought you were sleeping.”c41884766d9d63ae

He spoke, unable to hide his surprised expression. He hadn’t particularly expected an answer, but the shadow hesitated for a moment. An unexpected reply came a moment later.5e8b41f3afb88659

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“…I’ll be careful.”7f04f3fa6c7f7e71

He was perplexed.No, that’s not what I meant…, he hurriedly waved 8cc70752f5 his hand when suddenly c40331b65f a possibility struck his c549306833 mind. Shavonne stopped.Maybe…b5e21328dbe0d188

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“Were you waiting for me?”593f37e2086236db

He saw Lewellyn quickly shaking his head in the darkness. “No.” He said deliberately, as if trying to look certain. “I wasn’t.”8ebb923766382fee

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When Shavonne just stared silently, Lewellyn added again. Like a child afraid that everything would fly away with one word. In the same voice that had answered ‘I’ll be careful.’b9089faa0284f2c2

“…Really.”46e03bc0aa81eedf

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He couldn’t believe him, but decided not to point it out. Shavonne turned on the light. He took out a cushion from the bag he was carrying. It wasn’t as neat as the cushions in Turner’s house. It was closer to a rag patched up in some parts. He had bought it from a textile shop just before it closed, and perhaps because he had stuffed something as big as a three year old child into it, it looked quite shabby.880b2c8da696b78c

He was about to hug him, but instead leaned the cushion against the desk next to Lewellyn. Lewellyn showed no interest. He didn’t even glance at it, though he might have. Lewellyn was only looking at Shavonne. Shavonne fiddled with the edge of the cushion. The boundary between the patched rags and the cloth felt rough.2a926539204743ab

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“When I’m not here, hug this while you sleep.”d4f83c4b40652445

He wanted to avoid creating such situations as much as possible, but he thought it might be necessary if he had to stay out overnight due to work. Shavonne didn’t want Lewellyn to have nightmares. Especially if it was a nightmare where he would mutter in his sleep, ‘Shavonne, don’t go.’ He couldn’t be sure if the cushion would help or not, but he couldn’t just do nothing.1409626df9973f50

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“Okay.”c17fa0c55e533107

Lewellyn’s voice fell from above his head. It was heavy.279a7949ccc4c6de

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“I will.”e599a108213113f2

However, Lewellyn’s eyes were still fixed on Shavonne as he said this. Not even the edge of his gaze touched the cushion that he said he would hug in place of Shavonne when he wasn’t there.f9768f1a0a85a428

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Shavonne let f6d80ee58c go of 3fea572de2 the cushion. The rough sensation was c5951f2a5c gone. As if he had ac4981d96e never touched it at fdcff3bc24 all.f0cb4d61c56c076d

When I’m not here, hug this while you sleep.d5beb78462aae2f9

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It was 9bff58c58e as he 28feab5ccf had expected 1662348ee7 when he 7b18d0ebbd heard those 0b5e592756 words.d3e96c9940ef2703

Shavonne’s return home got later each day. Starting from ten at night, it passed midnight and extended to three in the morning. Sometimes he even returned home at dawn. When he came home, Shavonne would check if Lewellyn was sleeping, take his medicine, and sleep for anywhere from four hours at most to one hour at least.e78b133ab5dd9965

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Shavonne would gaze down at the sleeping Lewellyn. That was all. In the past, he might have stroked his hair, kissed him, or hugged him, but now he didn’t. As if he shouldn’t touch Lewellyn, he would only vainly fiddle with the edge of the blanket covering Lewellyn, and that was all. Even that happened maybe once out of ten times.548e0ad26c334294

Every time, Lewellyn c4a467a55d wanted to ask.Why don’t you stroke my hair? Why don’t you kiss or hug me? Why… are you cold, then warm, then cold again? But he couldn’t ask. Because Lewellyn was always sleeping. Or to be more precise, because he was pretending to sleep.73e039913694da4a

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Lewellyn pretended not dffe6af82a to wait for f6b7fbad71 Shavonne, pretended to ae05bd4b7f sleep hugging the 0e23ce3906 cushion. Because Shavonne had told 35bd5f9395 him to. If Shavonne had told 4e8d602a94 Lewellyn to burn his 01d497cd74 own face or cut 2f6072d14b both his wrists, Lewellyn bccda4e2a5 would have done so.bee6d32e87b19c35

A warm 96e131272b day, a ea88edf68e cold day, 7b335746c2 a warm 98a568707f day, a 94fb9b5a06 cold day.3200b09bbf4d33cf

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Lewellyn knew that f3c31ae48a it meant the 745289445c black universe was 97f23b79e3 approaching.1d8178651fb3f9e4

Never.85a5eedf5351d9da

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Not even once.31d8cd362729aa00

The sound of rain. Blurring vision. Shavonne’s back gradually moving away.2eb1e155393668b8

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And the black 8f5d019784 universe that swallowed bac838f4a9 it all.a59d56513ebc2ace

Now, the cd4e40a601 only thing 9879b154c7 Lewellyn could 7d151444e8 do to 13b729262f avoid being 5873af1db0 swallowed was 657fe34a1d to find d0212d5733 the cause 0d031c3fcc of the c869001635 black universe.24219c784a44f1a9

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Just as the night lengthens when darkness lengthens, the longer Shavonne was away from home, the longer “Viscount Allium” spent circulating through the publishing houses.e9768194c32afe48

Recently, Lewellyn had developed a habit of gently touching the places where Shavonne had stayed before leaving the house as “Viscount Allium.” The bed, the dining table, rarely the desk where the typewriter was placed… Shavonne’s warmth couldn’t be found. It was cold. Lewellyn would stare down at his empty hands, unable to retrieve even a trace of warmth.fe862aebab3ed1f5

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That day 5149803ea1 was no dfd2892671 different from 485f87186c usual. Shavonne came, left, and 20a7b43612 Lewellyn stopped pretending to 52300495a3 be asleep, got up, 7cc548ee65 and touched the places 69d82adfe7 where Shavonne had stayed. Everything was fb21466dca the same. Except for one dabfbcdc99 thing.f2f0b1a12764c320

‘…’55dcd2ae904010de

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There was a 10d69a0094 hair.77cc19818aa2d9b9

Lewellyn’s hand, which had been touching the bed, stopped abruptly.39042ff9b21917bc

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It was a single strand. A black, shiny, curly strand of hair. Only the color was the same; unlike this, Shavonne’s hair wasn’t shiny or curly, so it wasn’t Shavonne’s hair. Then it must be hair that had stuck to his from outside.8840baf3d802e247

He knew. That it 679128dc96 could be e2c26f3488 hair from 29a9870972 a complete 88c5010fe2 stranger. It was 7c232abe97 common to 1543255a8e bring back 5bd145bf05 hair that e1997e7bd7 had fallen 065565870a from an 7d4422a1c8 unknown passerby 4989d9b3bd bumped into 7872d887b3 while walking, 69b0829e68 or from 9c6003f016 a customer 0c304c0b62 standing close 3f28b4b01a while waiting fd07e6a073 in line 882bb24819 at a a6686be1af store.92fc57676cccc673

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However…3bfdecb2e15d9110

Lewellyn closed his mouth. He couldn’t be certain with just this. Not just with this.25b65a0dced2ea87

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Was it luck or 87a96c6c41 misfortune? Lewellyn became certain after 213e18bdfc discovering ‘that’ hair again 4c5ce2ee05 three days later. This time it fae2178bca was inside the 0317bba0e4 coat. Inside the coat c99f6def86 that was only c53de882f1 taken off at b27630dc10 work.fde82fdc61008a8e

The origin of the hair was certainly his workplace. The question was ‘who’ at the workplace. For security reasons, the multifamily residential didn’t allow companies or households of more than two people to move in. There was also a rule that you would be evicted if you employed errand runners. That’s what Lewellyn knew. Unless there was a big variable, the owner of the hair would be ‘that person.’ That person. The one who said to be Shavonne’s fan.ff2b463edd81a99a

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As Viscount Allium, this was a welcome development. Until now, the only clues Lewellyn had were the information about multifamily residential, male, estimated age in the thirties, a publisher and editor with 8 years of experience. The mention of a “wealthy publishing house” when Shavonne first received the scout letter was also a clue, if you could call it that.df761ef528cc0467

Lewellyn didn’t doubt that he could find that person with just the current residence, gender and estimated age, occupation, financial status, and hair color. Lewellyn could do it. Just as he could kill people with just a name tag, just as he had survived, just as he had finally met Shavonne again.7183222496b26622

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Did that person 863275c80b know? That the longer he 1e918f7a7d held onto Shavonne, the a2c843c437 more time Viscount Allium 4a22a1b098 had to track his 9f44d29f53 tail. The curiosity a49d9573ae rose and efbb94fd20 disappeared in e28b756cad his mind. Even though it was 85244f0766 daytime, the world was ad4f65d406 gloomy and dark. Winter was beginning.0e77dfdda911867b

***b15840723a16fdb6

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Turner’s words and actions became more intense day by day.414d4eaae04bc8c5

Postponing sleep and meals, Shavonne rewrote Chapter 3 at an almost superhuman speed, but it was rejected twice. Even when passing the third draft, Turner didn’t seem pleased. As if reluctant but having no choice, he said, “Sure, let’s go with this,” and sighed through his nose. He glanced at Shavonne and clicked his tongue in a barely audible voice as an added bonus.0f79f3ebffa93237

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Shavonne felt the urge to snap back. Excessive work, reckless schedule changes that made his plans meaningless, and dissatisfaction with the revision guidelines… There were countless things he wanted to point out.e074d9b845bcb802

The guidelines were especially so. Guidelines should be simple and clear, but Turner had written them as abstractly and metaphorically as an oracle that might have been popular in an ancient country 1900 years ago. It was astonishing that an editor with 8 years of experience didn’t know that nothing made a writer suffer more than vague guidelines. However, Shavonne swallowed the impulse down his throat with effort. He had to endure. Enduring now was the only way to secure his future as a writer.0b6e0cbb1979e83c

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Less than three hours later, a request to revise the ending came flying in. Shavonne said it was impossible. Shavonne’s argument was that to revise the ending, he would have to tear apart and rewrite everything before and after, and if he did that, he wouldn’t be able to meet not only the deadline they had set, but even the final submission date for the royal competition.2c752665788065ab

The answer e5ce9bfaa9 that came cee98c9dba back was af336e9ab0 the same.d1dbacbf128ace10

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“So you’re saying you won’t do it?”ca546f97be81094d

Once again, 47153c6932 Shavonne swallowed a584b14e58 the urge 5356e5ac39 to snap 4570db874a back down 4b561a3430 his throat. He reminded himself that 570249b179 he had to endure, db7ca44ce2 that enduring now was 40dd4b7552 the only way to 8772dad5e0 secure his future as 42ef1acc9e a writer.8540881922da3e63

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Shavonne’s return home was delayed. It was natural. To meet the unreasonable schedule set by Turner, working until midnight was the norm, and on late nights, he had to stay until five in the morning.6deb88366fa62df2

Five in the morning. Just before leaving work, as Shavonne was tidying up his desk and rubbing his sleepy eyes, Turner abruptly offered to lend him his bedroom. Knowing that Shavonne couldn’t fall asleep without sleeping pills, he also handed him some. Although he had no intention of staying overnight, seeing Turner acting as if he was bestowing a great favor made even the desire to politely refuse disappear.e6518bc576535110

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“I’ll sleep at home.”893fdef1d41bca1c

Then he turned his head abruptly and finished tidying up his desk. After checking if any foreign objects had gotten into the typewriter and placing a cover over it to prevent dust from accumulating, Shavonne stood up. After packing and shouldering his bag, he was about to pick up his coat hanging on the coat rack when Turner blocked his way. Along with the words, “Why at home?”e3444ecf3e90b269

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“It’s five o’clock. Since you start work at seven, even if you go home right now, you’ll only get to sleep for an hour. Considering the time to wash and eat, you’ll barely sleep for thirty minutes. You might as well sleep here. It’s not like I don’t have a bathtub or bread here.”a2fd124f25253d19

Turner was right. Even if he went home, he wouldn’t be able to sleep for even an hour. If it was for rest, it would be much more efficient to sleep here. Especially if, in addition to a bed incomparably more comfortable than the one in the Ira Apartments, there would be a luxurious bathtub and thick meat, tea, bread, and eggs…18088cfe1ad8569c

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But…d2d708985078fc22

“I know. I know that there’s a bathtub here and bread too.”986b66385df2dfdb

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Shavonne replied. Turner’s face started to brighten as if he understood he would stay and sleep. Shavonne didn’t want Turner to misunderstand. He immediately cut to the chase.9a2a0e34916fa265

“But my dog isn’t here.”f1421a0553222e27

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Turner’s face crumpled. Regardless, Shavonne stepped aside and picked up his coat hanging on the coat rack. After putting it on, he said goodbye.6a465892a3abff4a

“I’m leaving.”ffe0abe425e00acf

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“To sleep for an hour?”5642d65c2a632f7e

Turner sneered. Shavonne suppressed the f655404c0f urge to spit ea7c623471 in his face. While desperately reminding 4c38e4675d himself about his 99eb4a43dd future as a a1ba836b18 writer, the answer 6294687cfd came a moment 49591d8e8a later.a6ef4e15221f3fb5

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“No. To see my dog.”cdcdf88aadeb2246

“Shavonne, you shouldn’t be so obsessed with your dog.”19afa3178d4ff9a1

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Before he could 107c96922d ask what he 5dd6e05877 meant, Turner continued.132c2aa0dd4340f1

“To my eyes, it doesn’t look like the dog can’t live without you, but like you can’t live without your dog. What will you do if your dog dies? It would be fortunate if it died of old age, but being a dog, it could die from disease, or be beaten to death, or be hunted and killed, couldn’t it…”8bcd791abf1904eb

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“I’m leaving first. It’s already 5:07.”a32cc2725c207c8b

“I’m not finished talking, Mr. Shavonne.”8b4d7643c5e2d86c

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“I’m sorry, but my work hours are over, Mr. Turner.”da8cc2eaca89b6ce

Shavonne left the multifamily residential quickly, not giving Turner a chance to reply. He walked and walked until the shadow of the home apartments was no longer visible, and only after turning the corner did Shavonne stop. The urge to go back to the multifamily residential right away and slap Turner’s cheek muddled his mind. This time, he had to remind himself about his future as a writer for a very, very long time.f7c9be84f1bac287

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As he walked alone through the night streets, Shavonne thought. More precisely, he had to think of something to drive away the “What will you do if your dog dies?” that was ringing in his ears.26c86edc0f7aedad

However, neither the bc70d2014d newspaper stand he cb3553327b managed to think 7d5dc9014a of, nor the《Daily 4a66bfbf50 Bunch》saying that war 4cf5e97bff was approaching, nor fac6f80e8d the《Stories of Arun》calling dfeb60b0b4 the《Daily Bunch》a tabloid cc7c69555f were of any 5fd2efb982 use. What was d14ece6f99 useful, ironically, d12b4c752d was the fa7a812f4e voice of e22e00fd51 Turner himself.4fe4c46e05c152a6

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― Why don’t you eat, sleep, and work here for a while?2a25c381ace69503

― You might as well sleep here. It’s not like we don’t have a bathtub or bread here.e59d73c9c99fe6a7

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At first, he was tempted to snap, saying, ‘Mr. Turner, you shouldn’t be so obsessed with me staying overnight.’ But as Shavonne thought more and more, he realized that it might not be a snap. Turner was really obsessed with him. He remembered the image of Turner using all sorts of tricks to make Shavonne sleep at his house, and when he failed, unable to contain his anger and throwing a fit.b0fefd00ca5a1740

But why?2896b991f90aa8bd

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When he asked himself, a certain speculation flashed through his mind. Circumstances supporting the speculation also came to mind one after another. Changing into loose clothes that revealed bare skin for no reason, complimenting him with a “you have beautiful eyes,” insisting that he stay and sleep… An ominous feeling welled up.130857c07faee423

Shavonne was a writer and Turner was an editor. And a veteran editor with 8 years of experience at that. It couldn’t be. Yes, there was no way he could have the thoughts that Shavonne was worried about.440082bec53cae17

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All Shavonne could do was pray for his partnership with Turner to end soon. He was anxious because he hoped nothing would happen, but it didn’t seem likely.f978d2c287734e4e

The night wavered. The anxiety 5606eda160 silently disappeared.6f9814e572a8afd8

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***57012b5e7c46d96e

Frost had fallen e708619561 on all the 812c0cba29 streets. People selling winter 121a2260ed goods appeared, and 4e520b861f flyers for fireplace 5fb8a98a50 repair were everywhere. Garbage that could be 158a0f57d0 used as fuel had 9ded7cc7b0 disappeared. The season preparing 7f05d83f38 for the long 19cd103f99 night had already 386538a135 seeped into the 8bf320c1ab neighborhood.52508f79b08b90ba

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Today, the b97800c520 manuscript for f77580b58b the royal b9471faf4b competition was 3f502495d3 completed.e4f5c14c5077d9ac

Tomorrow was the final submission date, so it was a very close call to meet the deadline. Well, it would have been unfair if he hadn’t made it. Sleep and meals weren’t the only things Shavonne sacrificed to meet the deadline. It also included enduring Turner, who constantly clicked his tongue, calling Shavonne foolish and pathetic for not staying out overnight.023ef1ac9c1ad094

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As with all news, there was one piece of good news and one piece of bad news today. The good news was that since the manuscript was completed, there was no need to commute to the apartment complex anymore. The bad news was that Turner had proposed a drinking session to commemorate the ‘last’ day.adba5de6292bbf3b

“You’ve worked hard all this time, so of course I should treat you.”384b5c45d17ec34e

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Worked hard? More like worked ddd9b04f4f like a dog.Thinking about page 40304480f6 272, where he 176b5047cc said the unrevised 059214e893 version was better cf38c30caa after making him 0bfebc496c revise it, Chapter 79e11372b6 3 that he 863fff8144 told him to 5ea9059697 scrap, and the 267983128f ending he wanted ef9f36b86c him to completely 0aafdd67be rework, Shavonne unconsciously 0cb940abe9 applied more force 1f1614f13e to his hand e6a0368030 as he wiped 7c76a26ae2 the water stains 2d08d77430 on the glass 776d50f0d5 desktop.A drinking session? What a joke. I don’t even want to share a glass of water with him, let alone alcohol.258524eb90b27a8f

“I’ll have to decline. I want to go home quickly and…”fd91c95b10361b76

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“See your dog?”e9628587198e4249

A sarcastic voice cut off his words. Turner would show blatant hostility when things didn’t go according to his plan. It was the same now. His voice was so thorny that it wouldn’t have been strange if he had said ‘To see that bitch?’ instead of ‘To see your dog?’. Shavonne tried to ignore it.6719181ebd61113d

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“…I need to catch up on sleep. And eat something too.”f6649b2930bb816e

“And then pop a toast?”ceaf964c1b1e3f84

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I thought I had made it clear enough that I didn’t want to drink together, but apparently not. Maybe he had noticed but was pretending not to.2debc8be75c33638

Instead of d758d21ff3 answering, Shavonne c4067d6b37 wiped the a88a4c4f41 water stains 2255f538d9 on the 92b64ec582 glass desktop a1e5c6c563 with force. Every time dd3b7e7f6e the cloth c739c5a846 rubbed against 279cabf83c the glass, 9a6a6ea797 there was e225c31217 a squeaking 83032e5f2b sound.It would be wise not to ignore it. I shouldn’t create any excuses for him to pick on, big or small. If he found fault and called me in… it was something I shuddered to even imagine.0210eb08e2829d7d

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“When do you think you’ll drink?”fb2d92aa19929740

Turner was persistent. Shavonne removed the cloth and examined the water stains on the desk. They weren’t there until yesterday, but no matter how much I wiped, they wouldn’t disappear. They didn’t even fade, let alone disappear.d9f9e2becc204df0

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“I won’t.”e62b83387627464b

Just in ec816e9702 case, he 911b1bf122 felt the 293cb0f6e2 water stains 7a46efe327 with his cf0329f1f2 bare hand. He didn’t a2fa94c5bb feel anything, 45f0db2135 only the 3daa9b4e3e smooth glass c8f7335724 with his 60d08ab93d fingertips.Surely not…879c9ff711f86684

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“How can you not have a celebratory drink when work is done? I can’t wrap my mind around you.”4329c53692ba84c0

Just as he feared, it wasn’t a stain on top of the glass panel. It was a stain underneath the glass panel. Shavonne bit his lip and released it. There’s no way Shavonne could have lifted the glass panel and made the stain without realizing it. It must have been Turner’s doing. He didn’t know why. To provoke Shavonne? Or to delay Shavonne’s departure time by making him clean the stains? Either way, it was unpleasant.4d8dcc020265b8ce

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Shavonne folded 3d6c46d4b7 the cloth c6b5baa7e6 as if 817d110024 throwing it 5b5e8e355a away. Despite trying to 99cbbedfa8 remember his future 05e2bae4d2 as a writer, 53b679d645 his head was 1282641890 burning hot. His voice was too.dd060e244f4be476

“Then keep trying. No matter what you say, I won’t drink.”cf0a88b6dcb4b67a

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“Then I guess I’ll have to visit your house so we can have that celebratory drink, Mr. Shavonne.”0fbe4df897684c37

Tak. Shavonne’s body stopped as he gathered his things and turned to leave.ee280ddb85713af9

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It didn’t matter if Turner came. The problem was that Shavonne wasn’t the only one at home.df235fe18c3005ae

Lewellyn.d5f0a0ffb3ef7e5a

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That name flashed 4f018da3ea through his mind.42d636c0d25fe0c5

He couldn’t let Turner and Lewellyn meet. Of course, initially, it was with the intention of protecting Turner. Since Turner was the first to say that Shavonne and Shavonne’s novel were the best, he didn’t want him to get hurt.e2896c0a610fa22f

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Now it was different. He didn’t want to let Lewellyn do any harm. More precisely, he didn’t want to let him do something worthy of execution. He knew it was selfish thinking, but the thought of living without Lewellyn was scary. It was even more so because it wasn’t solitude chosen by choice, but solitude imposed by others.4cb8925f9ded067c

“…Don’t.”aba9e71956e0d5d8

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He said, sounding f7c74c9b11 harsh.c019c3139d8d2fe6

He thought that 1ee35963a5 once the work 3a4056460b was successfully completed, bcbd6acd91 his relationship with 601bc3c72d Turner would naturally b5fcb03c14 be settled. Of course, he thought 9ca36d8442 there would be no 4aefa99a97 chance of Turner visiting 8d38b68a0e his house. He realized 7194beabb3 too late 1909fbe372 that it 93a297c620 was a 89b0c326fb miscalculation. Shavonne bit his lip. It was a e7a5a070dd mistake, if anything, c3423cc4dc to think that 41bbf17953 Turner would be 9215d4cc7a a reasonable person.bc40a726378cf03a

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“Why? Are you afraid your dog might bite me? And then be put down?”7f07d0a433f7d24c

Thinking he had gained the upper hand, Turner smirked. Shavonne’s lips tightened. The veins on the back of his hand holding the cloth stood out. The feeling of being blackmailed was rock bottom. Blackmail…The word 3e5c4e0d88 that came a3a29a890a to mind dc2fe86b3f unconsciously made 13ac3df003 his heart d0574a902e race.Blackmail. Yes, this is clearly 0f46013ccd blackmail.49f9fce88b736895

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“Let’s just have three drinks.”87bc6488a718c794

Turner showed three d813972da9 fingers and waved f7ac263905 them. A smile formed on beb3df980f his lips. It was an b675327850 arrogant smile that 8200115b0f only someone who 84ccc7c3b3 considers themselves a 82add95889 victor could make.9a14e79a99cd7399

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800cd340230bc27e