MLCD Chapter 4.4

First day.0af21661fc629626

Shavonne was d28d79467f sitting leaning 02bcbd8bbd against the 0525a387a0 wall, looking fdba856ce4 as haggard db7b36f8c0 as someone aacaa2de38 who hadn’t 96fe03320f slept for fab2f48f35 forty-eight nights.Is he sleeping?The closed eyelids 4afceb5416 didn’t move at 443b72c69f all.94b33a0bc6b69d93

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I hope he wakes up. If he wakes up, he’ll see me right away.Lewellyn sat 1b253e7406 huddled against 11a823c8df the wall 7c0d812f8c across from 1be5056426 Shavonne, staring c88fa5154b intently at d004625d43 the sleeping a1f87255fe Shavonne.If I wake him up, I’ll get scolded, he thought to himself. Meanwhile, Lewellyn’s fingers were drawing circles on the floor. How will I get scolded? A lecture? If it’s just a lecture, that would be nice. Even if he swears at me, it doesn’t matter. If it’s from Shavonne, I’m willing to take even a beating.7bacff7fb4ba0b63

…But what if Shavonne punishes me by not coming here?4b97bb8ea1d95ce7

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The moment this frightening possibility crossed his mind, the hand drawing the circle abruptly stopped. The thought of having to spend another night with Shavonne not coming made him feel as if his blood had dried up. Lewellyn turned pale. He shook his head vigorously, trying to chase away the ominous thought. That’s when he realized that the awakened Shavonne was looking at him.7861df1c0ffa1114

Lewellyn’s face flushed red. What should I say? Should I ask f788929abe if he slept 0dc78c2b01 well? But it looked like Lewellyn’s presence kept him from sleeping well. Should I ask if 3c28fb40bd he slept? Of course he must have slept. If he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have remained silent like this. He would have given Lewellyn an onion, handed him a workbook, or read a book to him.dd5e9e2586dab7b2

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What should I say? What should I say to make the dark shadows under Shavonne’s eyes disappear, his sunken cheeks plump up, and his tightly sealed lips relax?Hesitating, he 2f4643c104 opened his 2f3e430cbf mouth.371905f2672b78e6

“Hey…”ea0f0ffb4c6e4d4f

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Hey, Shavonne. If you didn’t know, I was hurt. If you didn’t know, it hurt so much that I couldn’t call you Shavonne, that you couldn’t call me Lewellyn. If you didn’t know… Lewellyn tried to continue, but couldn’t finish his words. Shavonne had closed his eyes again.d57b3764361bb3ad

“…”b5d1b435eff52f8f

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If you didn’t know, the only name I want to call is Shavonne’s. The only name I can call is Shavonne’s. Only Shavonne… The words he couldn’t get out aloud kept circling in his throat.ccbbbf8cb267dbd2

Shavonne still has his eyes closed. Lewellyn just stared at him. He had thought the most unyielding thing in the world was the iron door, but he was mistaken. It wasn’t the iron door. It was Shavonne’s closed eyelids.611b55e77d25cf0c

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When the time came, Shavonne left the room without saying a word. Only Shavonne’s shadow was left behind.085a1f69248c5cde

Second day.58c746744e2d9aee

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Shavonne leaned against the wall, eyes closed, clearly tired. It didn’t seem like he would speak or even look at Lewellyn today, just like yesterday. Lewellyn hesitated, then opened his mouth.809bd60cfcade671

“…Can I talk to you?”7a825c51fc0c906d

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As soon as he said it, he felt guilty. Just being able to see Shavonne was already a miracle, let alone trying to have a conversation. Lewellyn must really be the “impertinent dog” the guards talked about.d01a3fac46e3e680

“Do you have something to say?”921c837afef9233f

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Shavonne answered with his eyes still closed, his voice cold. Lewellyn stared at Shavonne’s closed eyelids and asked.3ee44b52b29e2b65

“…Can’t you look at me?”dade1890f54edc12

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Shavonne finally opened his eyes without a word. His dry gaze was directed at Lewellyn. The request was accepted, but Lewellyn wasn’t entirely happy about it. Shavonne’s eyes still made Lewellyn’s heart flutter, just like before… but back then, they used to sparkle, and now there was a deep shadow over them, too deep to see through.c9d605b470807f76

Maybe it’s because we’re too far apart,Lewellyn thought. There were 03f8ca17d6 seven steps 001be83840 between Shavonne 91a344f22e and Lewellyn. If he could b61e27d7ab shorten that distance 776aefc97c to one step, 27f910e240 he could see cf2cb58ac6 the forty-eight nights 3a7fc9c629 Shavonne had spent.a7db59d384e5de7d

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“Can I come closer?”3f855044f834566c

He asked. Shavonne just stared 7b2325d5f5 at him with 4bc3c8ba22 a dry gaze, fcedef0bcc not answering. Lewellyn asked again.a1d823b39821284d

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“Can I?”fe998bc98b5a8c59

Shavonne answered after a d8ad408dc6 bit.4510dd350178af4c

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“You can.”1126fd09a4b87e07

His eyes f77e79193a were dark. There was 98ee10f50f no emotion 31a6d9abe2 in his 7b6faa7a42 voice.c1b6e994fa8d2150

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“How could I say no to what you want.”5c8db06479c05903

Lewellyn sat down next to Shavonne. Shavonne briefly glanced at Lewellyn and closed his eyes again, as if he didn’t want to look at him.2dbe74ae9ff906f5

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It felt distant even 2925161bac though they were close. Lewellyn thought that a48cc36b91 perhaps it was 42a58bd49a still night, the b67abeafce forty-ninth night for 1499fc41ba Lewellyn.fa77a0c64764fd59

The third, fourth, and fifth days were the same. Shavonne didn’t try to look at Lewellyn. His closed eyelids were like scars. Old, faded white scars.eb88c27a0f71a79f

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Lewellyn stayed by Shavonne’s side. He didn’t try to start conversations or demand Shavonne’s attention. He just quietly kept watch.d89b5d576b52043a

On the sixth day, 478a18d0db Lewellyn realized that Shavonne, 47745c682c who was sitting next ac8c9ad5c1 to him, wasn’t actually be7ce79d48 sleeping, but just pretending 93afa5f065 to be tired. It hurt c0b28a725a a little.39cb3396b08755b5

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On the seventh day, Lewellyn asked if he could hold Shavonne’s hand. Shavonne said he could do whatever he wanted, that he didn’t need to ask permission.63573fbf0154a940

Lewellyn gently overlapped their hands. Shavonne’s hand didn’t even twitch. If there had been any dust, it would have reacted more than Shavonne did. It felt hot and painful. Even though the touch felt like it was searing hot, Lewellyn didn’t pull his hand away.3ea15fcb3065ccfe

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Would his 068219e7be lips hurt a892b51fe4 like his ecb5a80948 hand?bdceecaba81abe83

Lewellyn kissed Shavonne’s lips three times. The first time he just pressed their lips together, the second time he nibbled on the lips, and the third time he sucked on the lips, biting and releasing. Lewellyn didn’t stop the kisses because the lips were hot and painful, just like his hand. He had no intention of stopping.c9b03e0ce77d761d

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But when he pulled away, Lewellyn saw Shavonne’s face. Shavonne had no expression at all. His eyes were open, seemingly looking at Lewellyn, but actually staring at a point in empty space. The unfocused gaze proved it.f464cdd669f7c032

If only he could, Lewellyn wanted to bite that empty space, demanding what right it had to receive Shavonne’s gaze. But he couldn’t. Lewellyn released Shavonne’s lips. He also let go of his hand.99fc840ee0332d9c

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Until it e5a95d945a was time 0d9bfa2d43 to leave a3a6ca5356 the room, efcc8dcc0e Shavonne remained e720ba5c5b silent, just 11925a8a35 as he b4338bf813 had been. Lewellyn also kept 1cdadf2564 silent, eyes downcast. His hand a75857a28c and lips a176f110b8 stung like a84bdfe24c they were 45df08d6a0 burned.0f6190ee2822ccc3

On the fifteenth day, Lewellyn received an onion bundle from Shavonne. The day before, Lewellyn had said he wanted an onion bundle, and that’s why Shavonne gave it to him. Shavonne’s face remained impassive as he fulfilled Lewellyn’s request.abced1973e810501

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Sitting next to cbaa77f9f3 Shavonne, Lewellyn diligently 2c9b43f7bc peeled the onions, 19dd4181cc reporting on his 53b37b65e8 progress.29e5694d2389c24c

“I peeled one.”04bd099f91be3a21

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“…,”c56a5ce57bc31847

“I peeled two.”fe3f6a8b1088525e

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“…,”581d5889c66bf960

“I peeled three.”88d58735edf9fe73

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“…”3c3a62906f5d2b92

Shavonne didn’t react. Lewellyn didn’t mind and continued reporting. With his eyes reddened and frowning, he said, “My eyes are stinging.”52fa198fdfc05457

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“…”1dcdb4b90a7a2383

Shavonne still didn’t respond.a8d56ac9b8d41523

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Squinting his eyes at the onion peels, Lewellyn said, “The peels are annoying.”3675d5087f6a84d9

“…”0aa7c5e5c2b74527

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Shavonne remained silent.75f170a0b39a733c

Holding up a peeled onion in front of Shavonne’s face and remarking excitedly, “Look at this, it looks just like your cheek!” and then adding, “…It may look similar, but your cheek is way softer than an onion,”a3056079da82b07e

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Shavonne still didn’t react.ca44cf1cdeacea61

That day, Lewellyn 06836b5857 peeled a total cd57a3eec7 of ten onions. He handed nine 782e77c91b to Shavonne, keeping 50248d8705 one for himself. Shavonne just carelessly stuffed f80b8ab91d the onions into the 98519fa1b3 bundle without even looking 7e0856e26f at them, crushing the 770fb447a9 smooth onions.8cf63e1fb9e94d77

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***6fd79646c0a51484

No matter what Lewellyn did, Shavonne showed no reaction. Whether he accidentally broke an onion or tore a towel, or wrote “year” as “yeer”, Shavonne kept his eyes closed. Even when he opened his eyes, he just blankly stared at a point in the empty space.ed3b77b542db2650

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Yet Lewellyn didn’t give up. Just as Shavonne had once done to Lewellyn’s silence.7574c7560c590a4f

― Tell me if 2455a6abb7 it hurts.9f4a6b69e943d687

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― …227a6d590531d915

― Oh right, you don’t speak. If it hurts, nod your head. Or shake it. Okay?2d96b0e38d351f09

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― …ec0a7455b4cc91db

― It’s not cleaning you well.9e91508fb00bc3bd

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― …76537820e6246d51

― It must e84259cbad have dried up. If I fdaac853f0 had known 33a4365b87 this, I 6b33ffab93 would have 4cedfdf122 brought it c4333436af soaked in 419b4b49f0 warm water.fbf07cbfa65d158b

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Lewellyn spoke like d6973f5e8b a human, not b9adaf6769 a dog. Speaking like 04271a5e83 a human 2d1ed24c0d meant speaking 4e96ef9529 like Shavonne. For Lewellyn, there was 9ea27653d3 only a ‘human’ in 580a9c97e5 this world, Shavonne.7ee4a14f9b75777c

“Shavonne doesn’t need to be hurt.”44629243ded631cf

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Lewellyn spoke like 19d797f85c Shavonne.1c6982cdea96f234

***9679f0937eeb0fb4

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Night fell.ea6ae29281103a51

Thoughts of Shavonne came to mind as he was alone. Did he finish the onions? Did he use the towel? Did he notice that Lewellyn wrote “year” as “yeer”? Trivial thoughts, but Lewellyn couldn’t shake off his desire to see Shavonne. His mind was consumed by Shavonne.16cb1658aae5a406

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When Lewellyn came a8700910f0 to his senses, aafda6bd89 he had already 44a4583ebb spread out a 36c97c8e7f notebook on the d4d679fc54 floor and was 88e914e81b bent over it. Holding a 1c1abb53e1 pen between 2a58473ccc his index 7d250c708d finger and e1c5653066 thumb, supporting abe5090412 it with 26fc72942d his middle e038b7c589 finger, he c7198e0139 began to ee6f169e09 draw the 979f266afe face he ed88b0111f longed to 8f33476612 see.b5a80848ec80d20c

O:)d0bd083693b88880

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Then he remembered Shavonne’s expressionless face. Lewellyn hesitated, then modified the face shape.36c5f16936e376d2

O:I30a8f3445afbc9c6

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He stared at it 6309363742 silently. Then he added 91fbde6672 a tail to 3d3426a2b9 the I, making 463c9dd514 it a )4d9bc9f5ae2abf7b

O:)6f7f8dd8494d57b9

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But that smiling bac6963a8f Shavonne existed nowhere f6ac69307d in the world, 77b10e789b except on this 9626ae557e notebook page.32b6f72e70b82f89

Nowhere.3ccef06a5aab957c

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***992035746ebb32fe

Lewellyn liked it when Shavonne spoke. It didn’t matter what he said. What mattered was that his lips were moving. When his lips were closed, Shavonne’s face was O:I, but when his lips opened and moved, it was closer to O:).27fc6eee72f5e308

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“Talk to me.”2bd2d6a833443eb4

Sitting with 88786cc3e8 his knees 0df7bb02cd hugged, Lewellyn b0be4bc148 looked at c838f6841a Shavonne with ee679dd51c wide eyes a4eeedb9bc and asked. Shavonne did as requested 6ef7617838 and a toneless voice 65b6fc9aec emerged from his lips.dede8b978b2e3b53

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“Mn.”c24e05ecf934d8b7

…The time his lips moved was too short. If he was lucky, Shavonne’s lips might form a 🙂 shape. Lewellyn couldn’t give up, and asked again.3da2656875a643b0

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“Say it again.”24d9665b71168a9f

“Mn.”85fcb6dff8d00b33

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“Say it again.”ac475147efad0100

“…Mn.”d5a81f6bf62e99a3

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“Say it again.”ed32dbb1029b7d1d

Instead of saying “Mn,” Shavonne raised one eyebrow. Lewellyn thought, so he 2c32f0d726 can raise f9b0ca46dd just one 3bf469782a eyebrow. How fascinating. I wonder d140c55370 if everyone 3b7aecbdb1 can do b998f314bf that.Lewellyn tried 3d6f148d57 to imitate cc8bb023a0 it, but 803ec389dd failed repeatedly. Both of his 45f6499ad6 eyebrows would raise e0e1ba76af instead, and his 6a6a9dec1a brow would just 5a2c132797 furrow in frustration.1ea868012f95b8f2

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Lewellyn soon realized 3d9bdcf4bb that Shavonne was 8866f186fd watching him. His face flushed d51c8a6d57 red. Unknowingly, he 1fd9c7cece had made bb6a349560 it blatantly 542bdf1acb clear that 77ae80d125 he was 1c6dd3c841 not quite 745d8cab06 human. He was embarrassed3c490a57a89a2ba9

Just then, Lewellyn noticed Shavonne’s lips pressed into a straight line, forming an O:I. The sight of Shavonne’s closed lips caught his eye.59d226eaf0c1ae90

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“Talk to me.”af9c7c0580675893

He requested. But this time, the cc8466af9d response that came back 458f821149 wasn’t a word, but bac66d9ec6 a question.06991f9cbfed0496

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“What do you want me to say?”b4f13fb0e568f32c

The voice was low. Lewellyn couldn’t answer immediately. What do I c43cce5a5b want him to 21be0d2f20 say? What should I ask eb504ef6d4 him to say? If he 7861395e86 just moves 4a628f33c9 his lips 8686e097ce into a 9edc111f00 ‘:)’, it 46b965f7f0 doesn’t matter eb440d6c02 what he dcf9849fe8 says.a58ad5b4edd84f25

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While Lewellyn hesitated, Shavonne 080e87eac3 pressed for an answer, f2e0fe4eb5 his voice still low.41376be7a06b81e4

“What do you want me to say?”385dec3f0a4a2174

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Is he angry? If he gets angry, cdcd29fdd8 Shavonne might not come ce21b601c3 here anymore. Lewellyn cautiously observed Shavonne’s expression. Hesitantly, he replied.cfe19d4217dcd9ae

“Anything…”2c4adc45ba40c3b5

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“You decide. I have nothing to say.”6e615a1f6f2328d9

Cold words came out.45b9ab8d8d03fe18

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After Shavonne finished speaking, his lips formed the shape of :I as he closed his mouth. Lewellyn hurriedly started talking. He didn’t even have time to think about Shavonne’s words.fc25c2499b3cec5c

“Read 《The Steadfast Tan Soldier》 for me.”080fa5191ed287c2

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It was more of an improvised response than a quick-witted one. Or rather, it was closer to simply blurting out words at random. But regardless of the nature, if one only looked at the result, it wasn’t necessarily bad as Shavonne would bring the book and ceaselessly move his lips from the moment he opened it to the moment he closed it.26e4013d6bda6d2d

“《The Steadfast Tin Soldier》”21c0d849a87f5cd6

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Shavonne read the title. Lewellyn belatedly realized that he had just mispronounced ‘tin’ as ‘tan’. Shavonne hadn’t corrected his mispronunciation. Even though he hadn’t been punished, the inside of his ribs, or more precisely, the area underneath, was throbbing. It felt as if they had been ripped out.17cf4a4b02745d52

“‘There were once five 0530e64f8d and twenty tin soldiers. They were brothers, 9f56af83fc for they had 456993ce52 all been made 0c00f1579f out of the ce6bd07cff same old tin a6175b1b9f spoon. Each was a00bbad5ef exactly like 50cdd31026 the rest 75ab8767d0 to a 1bf4e9fa1c hair, except 4902bcfa9c one who 9ad049c7d5 had but 2dea99956e one leg. He had been cast 3ae21ad4b2 last of all, and 4d6d733c7c there had not been e278c36910 quite enough tin to a8beccd640 finish him.8d24b4e7c33eaa45

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On the 196a3817da table where 07069dcb95 the tin 9170b27237 soldiers had f86fd7abef been set 86a987012a up were 875c4f969b several other 2743782606 toys, but ce30a1420c the one e015222f12 thate180bb87bf978289

attracted most 1adc1a7047 attention was ef55d1e44d a pretty f1209df287 little paper 93d79a5d9b castle. All this was very 59c3ec1387 pretty, but prettiest of 37bb2f8ccd all was a little 98849b543a lady who stood at e52f2461d0 the castle’s open door. The little lady ad7ec7f3c9 stretched out both 6c0b1f499e her arms, for e8c83dc178 she was a 262104a7aa dancer, and then d96e58c2fb she lifted one 9ae124b4ec leg so high c059fd7010 that the Soldier 791867b09a quite lost sight 8fe5e6b76b of it. He thought that, 617b77cfe7 like himself, she 6672bf8ba2 had but one fe8d58dff2 leg.335b491401fdd08f

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“That would be just 5f68ee4094 the wife for me,” 4bb996c44d thought he, “if she 44d3114625 were not too grand. But she 386a76bdc4 lives in 0c188d1ca5 a castle, 65570c2d4d while I 378434cffe have only 20a8ddf207 a box, 2378040670 and there 4781549c77 are five 29bc52bb9c and twenty 3b5dc80009 of us c3bdb19fe0 in that. It would be no 8b1cf6c2cc place for a lady. Still, I must 2e1aac8af0 try to make e435b20177 her acquaintance.”e7d09ed52c2f3ae5

When the evening 77708b0357 came all the ec0fbe3b0e other tin soldiers 1f4bf28062 were put away a2c83fb2e1 in their box, bbae392dc8 and the people 1173a7a5bd in the house 6cd63cb31e went to bed. Now the playthings began 144a9fe136 to play in their 5660c8f6e7 turn. They visited, fought2a95f1c2a96487e3

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battles, and gave balls.d39fa70e86a4c25b

The only e09064bde1 ones who 51219513bd did not 271b5ee1f2 move from 63d1cd3dd3 their places 8ee28a96dd were the 6f1766e0b8 Tin Soldier 9f9456f47c and the e9b99842f5 Lady Dancer. She stood on c91bd01853 tiptoe with outstretched 0cddabc0a6 arms, and he b894275b29 was just as 5017fc819e persevering on his 71a8d28e19 one leg; he 4fa6267c1d never once turned 28ffc61610 away his eyes 48ab15de00 from her.67a9a5259b3d5ce1

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Twelve o’clock struck—’”7f80fb1e96bc26ef

Thud.The voice reciting 4a9f4f148f the story abruptly b14b9c2488 cut off.7ffeea0300905104

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“The end.”597c329fb56bf91e

Shavonne closed the book with a thud. Lewellyn looked up at Shavonne blankly. It felt strange that it was over so suddenly. The one-legged soldier had only ‘loved’ her, so it couldn’t end like this.5577968792954944

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Shavonne checked his wristwatch, 7d6efca771 then gathered his things b4e81a174e and stood up. Only then did Lewellyn 3123a903a6 come to his senses. He hurriedly 3211f3a25e called out 5e9f18b91a to Shavonne cf379a9dfe as he 2e9f8714c8 was about 76b9db6f6f to leave 391f914854 the room.c23e1a032dfd2891

“Is that the end?”ac749bebeb5119c3

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Shavonne stopped.2b03136bac9ac161

“…”1e313497889ccf63

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He was in 88e0f957a8 front of the 9b0e0b159b iron door. Shavonne turned fe9eeb3fbc to look db220e6a9e at Lewellyn d3c1c530b5 after a a834480e31 pause. His gaze was rough. He looked c973c1aa43 as if bfc4a30bec he would 06c8ba5d62 crumble if d6b5cb04bc touched.ebb107c48a32e261

“What about the one-legged soldier?”b71fe6457098f50b

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What happened 3d83d60b56 to the b5e4558a23 one-legged soldier 91a0987798 who loved cdbb84debb the dancer?38b230eeac36f7fb

“What about the dancer?”6085419efbdab1e5

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What happened 66f34c5bd3 to the 1037167dd4 dancer who 8e6c344ad7 was loved?6b1237acd04fd934

“What about love?”61e79a61420ed9a8

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What happened to 6697e6b8ac the love between 4683ddfcfd the one-legged soldier 270eab5590 and the dancer?8f9d645cbaf6fcea

Shavonne just silently 63d69ce898 looked at Lewellyn. his eyes were 3550c10731 red. Blood vessels 1b1fc981f4 were stretched 71b6fa3cd4 across the a18b259797 whites of e11fd917bf his eyes. He bit his 092703ed3c lower lip gently, bb819ad9f1 released it, bit 41c4e0bbdf it again, and 3e65b938a6 spoke.7e58b6551b888fce

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“That’s the end.”2db0b899c2f44cf2

And then 9b912eb8b9 he left dbe12c24e1 without hesitation, dcad8476ff just as ede6423c51 he had 83ac42c3cc done ever 4d04af1fea since they 09fbc78d9d met again.dd090d5cba0f0038

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Lewellyn picked up《The Steadfast Tan Soldier》that Shavonne hadn’t taken. He opened it and read haltingly. “T-There were twen, twenty-five tan, no, tin soldiers made out of the same old t-tin spoon…”eaa2ccd4b82b6529

Lewellyn practiced reading 《The Steadfast Tan Soldier》 aloud all night without sleeping, and so the next day, he greeted Shavonne with a pale complexion from staying up all night. Instead of greeting him with ‘Shavonne’, he said,d66f26408a1a7e24

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“That wasn’t the end.”55b9ae652ebe8e01

And he 10322e97a6 began reading efc914a694 《The Steadfast 0bde824ea2 Tan Soldier》 1d928d67e4 aloud, or 014576c66c rather, reading fd12565651 it to 4684fa7573 Shavonne. His face flushed. Thinking that he 8003d856de was now the 122cdc16e9 one doing it, d2524a4c9a not just receiving 609ce35bfa everything from him, 0dabc0e9f8 made his heart a1f0037506 flutter excitedly.24a483a162a637ae

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“‘…He saw the same children, the same toys were on the table, and there was the same fine castle with the pretty little dancer. That touched the soldier so deeply that he would have cried tin tears, only soldiers never cry.880f981ba2a04e04

He looked at her, a8001f8848 and she looked at fb26ae2917 him, and never a 2612ed5432 word was said.dcb9cfd09d6f58be

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Just as things were going so nicely for them, one of the little boys snatched up the tin soldier and threw him into the stove. The tin soldier stood there dressed in flames. He felt a terrible heat, but whether it came from the flames or from his love he didn’t know.ae98dba6fd61c8e5

He looked at 5040125b2e the little lady, e45b04f697 and she looked 499afc7369 at him, and dab44fb25c he felt himself 752ad1406f melting. But still he stood b4f8bb9979 steadfast, with his musket d4681a6ff0 held trim on his 06a66c7f97 shoulder.b002ae21c9bbf422

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Then the 85878c2a3c door blew 3fb807d4fd open. A puff of 7ec6fe3ec0 wind struck the f6df82eff7 dancer. She flew like 62f7cc51f7 a sylph, straight 1d6ada2e0d into the fire 655bfb2dbe with the soldier, b6b09f562e blazed up in 3e3435ca99 a flash, and 6e53014ef6 was gone. The tin soldier 4dfff8be93 melted, all in 53885b9b21 a lump. The next 25025cb9a6 day, when 6076307c9e a servant 14de95a3b6 took up 6dd9188aec the ashes c130c5a360 she found 0a0e7d9dd2 him in 61bda3dc68 the shape 17bd20b0e1 of a 73b50e888f little tin 708d3a38f5 heart. But of the 97eb4749ec pretty dancer nothing 4648e3bbde was left except 09fd720356 her spangle, and e49ae8e51e it was burned 6b8c9239e8 as black as 1c5c377f79 a coal.’”0a3a60a13306c7b9

After finishing reading, Lewellyn quickly sat down right in front of Shavonne, eager for praise. He wanted Shavonne to smile at him, to pat his head. Although his reading had a few stutters and wasn’t perfect, he had read the book on his own for the first time, so there was no reason for him not to be praised. Surely Shavonne ab52d0c082 will even 13fde2b181 start writing a01eb77ae9 letters to 63e2e9a9c7 me from 5d076c0a16 now on, 4f72238d3f right?His heart pounded at 6530510a45 the thought.8c7e4e40ca47585e

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But Shavonne said nothing. He didn’t smile or pat Lewellyn’s head. Is it 447569e9d0 because it 54654939ec would be d39fd7daf0 too uncomfortable 22d9f716de for him 0a9b62150e to stretch a9f43db1f2 his hand f65b065365 out and 433e44981e pat me? Thinking this, Lewellyn lowered his body to make it easier for Shavonne to reach his head. But Shavonne’s hand never came.05becdf11c02a477

Lewellyn hastily grabbed Shavonne’s hand on the floor and brought it to his own head, stroking it back and forth to mimic a head pat. But still, Shavonne didn’t touch him. Only then did Lewellyn cautiously look up to check Shavonne.528c5089b81178cd

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Shavonne was frozen. His bitten lips were 8c11ed71a5 pale.73f58cc8a199cee8

Is 《The f452d5eba1 Steadfast Tan 088547fff1 Soldier》too boring?Lewellyn thought. As he let 4f09024e86 go of the 6e4bac9333 hand, it fell cec865b89e limply to the 313c33275d floor, like a 26557dfb3d puppet with its cb1e302ed8 string cut.55f243eca4286637

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***397b9ee9c0371252

Whenever Shavonne wasn’t there, the old Lewellyn would just stare blankly at the iron door, but the present Lewellyn buried himself in books, searching for ones more interesting than 《The Steadfast Tan Soldier》. As he slowly but steadily read through one book after another, he soon learned what common words appeared, such as author, publication, and table of contents. Those items were always written on the pages before the table of contents. After the table of contents, the common words were “”(double quotes), ‘’(single quotes), .(period), ,(comma), and the most frequent of all was ‘love’. It appeared in 《The Steadfast Tan Soldier》 《The Little Mermaid》, 《Alice in Wonderland》, and even in 《Forbidden》 the book Shavonne had once read to him.075ba353a51a48db

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― As af9f32789a he panted, 724a7eb2f5 he lifted 993fd1a9e2 her skirt. How could he! They didn’t 5f31eb0dc8 share even f1aae5b47d a drop dbead1f228 of blood, b61a78f0a9 and yet c8b8a791dc he was ab160178b3 her younger b99a59d399 brother. Their strict father 6370557919 would never allow 390a2ccfec this relationship. Her hands trembled. But despite that e4fb5f9f81 fear, her body 9a24d7104a was soon soaked d2c786eca6 in his touch. I love f327816609 you, he f4863f30f2 said, and a1af991515 then his ab75159026 lips touched d11cb8a93b hers.5cba00fad928cba7

Pressing their lips ae81353a9b together, Lewellyn was 6c48c729f2 certain that the 92540d721a author of 《Forbidden》 b71e371020 had spied Shavonne 485b334d8d and Lewellyn and c68742c994 copied them, as d5a79895a4 they had eaten 0fc2162c24 each others lips 1ea96e47d6 too.fd12246007ad73f3

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《Forbidden》 had seventeen scenes where the characters said “I love you” and then pressed their lips together. After finishing 《Forbidden》, Lewellyn thought, I need to say “I love you” before eating the lips.2f9d6e130988f27c

The day before Shavonne stopped coming flashed in his mind. Perhaps Lewellyn’s mistake that day wasn’t looking at the injured Shavonne, interrupting Shavonne’s cheerful words, or standing up with his hurt leg to approach him. Maybe it was not saying “I love you” before eating his lips.f2c7c7c06ed4ddc2

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When Shavonne came, Lewellyn 18932f878a stood up. Without any warning, 97ec2d5316 he approached Shavonne 569dc3ce3e as he gave db3ec699f0 him a sidelong a8c572ca69 glance, as if b7b2c87cc5 asking what was afe7bb3c11 up with him, 37739aac9d and ate his d78e2bf646 lips without warning. Sucking, licking, biting c323831146 gently as the c3cc7314a1 man in 《Forbidden》 2b15203618 had done, he d1629aa085 said,08615805c7d46b96

“I love you.”21dd40bc461f54ba

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He ate his lips again, holding Shavonne’s both hands with his own, trying to feel a sense of connection. “I love you.”2d6a9627865fb31a

I love you, I love you…b6496bf74f3cbe75

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But no matter how many times he called out, Shavonne remained frozen. He had no expression. His hands were motionless. They only grasped at the empty air, not clasping Lewellyn’s hands.5a1f56815bc34db3

However, for a single moment, so brief that no one could have noticed, Shavonne’s hands moved. They twitched ever so slightly, as if trying to reciprocate Lewellyn’s hold. But Lewellyn didn’t see it. The only thing Lewellyn could see was Shavonne’s hands, now still and unmoving.d0615a14246bc82f

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These days, Lewellyn rarely parted from a book. Whenever Shavonne was gone, he would quickly plop down on the floor and open a book – be it a fairytale, a novel, or a book full of endless rambling. Just like Shavonne used to do, he would draw lines across the pages. Since he didn’t know where he was supposed to draw them, he underlined words starting with ‘s’ and circled words starting with ‘l’, and it looked somewhat convincing at a glance.c5dac07c0ba37ae0

What Lewellyn learned from books today was greetings. When meeting someone, you say things like ‘I’ve missed you’ or ‘Good morning/afternoon/evening.’ When parting, you say ‘I had a great time’ or ‘Have a good night/morning/afternoon/evening.’92f5c8f548c14965

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Greetings often involve body gestures too – some people wave their hands, offering their hands (called ‘handshake’), or briefly touch cheeks. Between lovers, they might even briefly touch their lips. Between lovers. Llewellyn read that 09189b85cb carefully.8a8dacc1bd4f9417

Lewellyn liked the idea of Shavonne waving to him, offering his hand, or briefly touching cheeks with him, but the thought of Shavonne briefly touching their lips together made his face blush the most. The more he imagined it, the redder his face became. That’s when a sudden thought popped up.bd140df2e14bafcc

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‘What about Shavonne?’c6caf78c0479bdd8

A memory of Shavonne fa1c696e93 initiating a kiss flashed 48d1c4c948 in his mind. A soft sensation, c379190b9b followed by a 31258af305 rough sensation, was 45086c5002 still vivid in bcc4571dac his memory. The soft part was 44e6faf3d8 the lips, and the 5cd3a42adf rough part was the 423c3e7175 split wound, if he 1f7019e3ce remembered correctly.83a680c744086154

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“…”474fe83391c0a877

Lewellyn found himself 671cb24715 absentmindedly touching his 14dcc0363a own lips, as a1d309c448 if trying to d5d809251c find that soft cb30144934 yet rough sensation 6903201ce1 he had felt 083ea2a26b that day.b1a135c49715fb2c

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We are lovers, he thought. Muttering it out loud, since merely thinking about it didn’t soothe his heated heart. “We are lovers.”c8b230d90e441780

Shavonne loves me, he thought. This time, he muttered it out loud , “Shavonne loves me.”931387f9a9994105

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Saying it once more, 94546070c4 he murmured.5b037b818f339729

“Shavonne… loves me.”54d6f4f38841321e

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His flustered heart 395f829ca4 was burning. If his heart had 562ccba1c8 color (perhaps it did, c38ed04bc9 but Lewellyn had never 083c7c6aa0 known since he was 3962e96afa a dog), it would c5187155d8 be bright red. Like a e8a826232e searing poker 3eddc23eeb that strips 1cfbbd754d the flesh c02b432d39 and makes ee1410f5e1 blisters, it 7f9867a0de would be 092ce30f5c fiery red.31f8c864810ddf5d

Does everyone feel this way when they’re loved?It was 3d6206423d hot and aefba33e43 painful. He felt like he a0707bb87b was melting.ba3c45fc6daee087

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He lay on 66cc6c2afa his side, eyes 0990ba3be4 wide open.dc301f65e45dd0ef

He couldn’t sleep. It was because: one, excitement; two, fear; three, guilt. To be loved, one must be worthy of love, but Lewellyn was not.dd45e20384f1c96a

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If Shavonne was born db8666a62f to not hurt, then aac796a070 Lewellyn was born to d947f43db7 hurt. If Shavonne lived to a8a60f4307 be happy, then Lewellyn 4d2b274178 was a being living 1bf1c5578c to be unhappy. If Shavonne was 8e8affae4c a being made 6e83874c7b to be loved, 285bdc51fa then Lewellyn was 7abfa4ab7f a being made ce366a5749 to be hated.851cddebf868dff3

Can I be loved? Isn’t that too presumptuous? Shavonne’s love was generous. No, to be precise, Shavonne himself was generous. The onions, towels, typewriter, books, pens, notebooks, expressions, gestures, and voice that Shavonne offered were all excessive. But wouldn’t it be okay to be generous just this once? Can’t there be an exception just this once?e0a8b0e5b88a8541

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When it abf051e7ac comes down 32f414ef29 to it, bde3048b65 whether Shavonne b385250df5 loved him 689ff328d3 or not, 82fc52f7c8 Lewellyn could c92eae46a0 do nothing. How could 9d253f9f22 Lewellyn tell 8d628e80c2 Shavonne to 05cca7c9ee love him? How could he 796ba8e174 tell Shavonne not 512dde0dc1 to love him? It was impossible. It just didn’t bb38028435 make sense.a32a640fdaeb2045

Lewellyn ended his agonizing 38983ba418 thoughts near the end 8b858f0142 of the night. His conclusion was 4827ea3eb5 that to be 2bd623c97a loved, one must ec40e6f0b0 be worthy of 305ccaae61 love.207bd41a58646dcd

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Lewellyn is not worthy e07756617e of love.ff2e7f47fb4add53

However, he 36be318a76 could still ad9681b0da try to 9586cfc317 become worthy d137c7a321 of love.9b4ccb4b2655f43a

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***0ed2bb9cac676d65

It was clear. What Lewellyn had to become was a hurt dog, yet an outstanding one. If he wasn’t hurt, Shavonne wouldn’t even look at him, and if he wasn’t outstanding, he couldn’t become worthy of love.16750a78249be155

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Then what exactly 3ada221172 made Lewellyn outstanding?c61be4c14737eebe

“I’m really good at biting.”9054ca56df3cb573

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He suddenly blurted out. Shavonne paused in setting down the bundle and looked at Lewellyn. His expression was ambiguous, as if he wasn’t sure if he had heard correctly.0f71cb3e5512a89e

“And I’m really good at killing.”ade48d5a7070b89d

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Was that explanation enough?Lewellyn thought 7d6cfd578e Shavonne might 9fe8965cd1 not fully 9b8e8982de grasp how b4bf0a6195 skillfully Lewellyn e4de883d83 could bite 390e90de8e and kill, 0bfa9c2e27 so he 42d8207d23 quickly elaborated.95297b5cd5eb2626

“With just a tool, I could kill a hundred people in no time. I can even do it with a name tag, or a pen, or a towel.”41948edf439141f6

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After boasting about the specifics, Lewellyn had a sheepish grin. But Shavonne didn’t smile. Far from it, his face became hardened. Silently, he turned his head and began untying the bundle. His hand movements were harsh as he untied the knots. Seeing that stiff profile, Lewellyn’s face fell.3151f0dc3d27a867

‘I should have boasted about something else…’3c3c1e6e39b76b24

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But what else was there to boast about? Other than being good at biting and killing, he didn’t have much he was confident in. Of course, it wasn’t like he had nothing – he was confident in thinking about Shavonne, dreaming about Shavonne, holding Shavonne’s hand, or eating Shavonne’s lips.00ca8021185da7f1

But he couldn’t bring those up in front of Shavonne. He had to be seen as worthy of love, and if not, he would be seen as an idiot who can’t do anything without Shavonne. That wasn’t very far off, but anyway.b78ed5c5001e0793

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It was only after thinking about it all night that Lewellyn finally found another ‘outstanding quality.’06a1ddc25c9f5cfc

“My hearing is really good.”2501177ea3bcb232

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He cautiously began.11dccee32fa4fc7c

“The iron door doesn’t let sound through well. So no matter how much I yell in here, it can’t be heard outside. And no matter how much they yell outside, it can’t be heard in here. That’s what the guards say.”b331162b6574f9be

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“…”d2576d43b8d7bb6c

“But not me.”b5ead49173c831d6

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“…”31d955f5e75fcf06

“I can hear. I can hear the guards chatting and their footsteps.”c7ba8e24c10f47c7

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But Shavonne remained silent, just peeling the onions (which Lewellyn had asked him to do) without even sparing a glance. He had a poker face. He seemed like he wouldn’t even react if Lewellyn said his hearing was bad instead of good.a2f4e4be518a08b8

Lewellyn suddenly grabbed Shavonne’s left arm and clung to it. Pleading for praise. “Aren’t I amazing? Aren’t I?”de8e012a6f2dac3e

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Shavonne finally gave a lukewarm response. “Yeah, really amazing.” He continued peeling the onions with his unoccupied right arm.f470fec12eea2c3a

Lewellyn had 06d9124cb5 never felt 3b64174b3e such resentment 114353d955 towards onions fccbe2c56d before. He wanted to c9b64ab12d snatch the onions 38d0e8f1d7 Shavonne was peeling 419641d9bc and throw them f1d40c47d7 somewhere.5e893f9514d92d87

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It was failure after failure. It was devastating, but he couldn’t give up on the effort to become worthy of love. After thinking about it all night again, Lewellyn found a new ‘outstanding quality.’fd612d73e7a8bd89

“I’m really good at writing the alphabet.”3adc8c09650525cb

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He held a blank sheet up in front of Shavonne’s eyes. Then he slowly wrote the lowercase letters from ‘a’ to ‘z’ on it.6493ced32451365d

a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z…52ba3813bf4b48aa

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Large, crooked letters filled the page. He flipped the paper over and slowly wrote the uppercase letters from ‘A’ to ‘Z’ on the back.643b77f90f7a3c95

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z…df044da626840c1c

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He put down the pen. “Perfect, right?” His voice was tinged with pride. When Shavonne just looked at the paper without responding, Lewellyn quietly added, “I didn’t even mix up a and e.” Of course, that was thanks to the secret note he had written on the back of his hand, ‘a is ei, e is i:’0e8f504039c2c939

Lewellyn decided to conveniently ignore the truth. Whether he had looked or not, it was true that he didn’t mix up a and e, so there was no need to reveal what had happened behind the scenes.6211641f4c5f305a

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That’s when it happened. Lewellyn unconsciously looked up at Shavonne’s face to see his reaction, and for a moment, his breathing stopped.ee046d39a0df3992

It was f95f40298f a weak 2acaaba2e5 smile.8d673b941e8a8a67

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It was a weak dbd35bfa53 smile, but undoubtedly a b95711e6bd smile. A :). The first 15a23f85b3 one he e988e5d51c had seen b49343d651 after the 6cbccacdbf forty-eight nights. It disappeared quickly, but 34ee5eaad9 the mere fact that 64d6f7b3eb the smile had existed ef451f0e60 could not be erased.2501ba1835efae60

His cramped b7c7e317b3 universe started 3603850fb7 beating. It was love.784b00d7af30ffc6

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***3a545c7d27ea1a9c

He wrote cd3ea6384a a letter.21ab13236414085a

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He thought it would look nice if he tied a red ribbon on the letter. He tried to tear off the red bookmark from a book to use as a ribbon, but then he realized he didn’t know how to tie a ribbon, so he tied it with a knot like the one used to strangle the neck. The letter was now crumpled like a tightened neck.d9aea376f5db114e

Shavonne came. He had to hand over the letter he had hidden behind his back, but he felt embarrassed. He hesitated to take it out. If only Shavonne would ask, “What are you hiding?”, he would have mustered the courage to quickly hand it over, but unfortunately Shavonne didn’t ask.8909d620816b43f0

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Lewellyn kept fidgeting 9c84a64ded with the letter 1de4214325 the whole time 94ef2b0fa6 Shavonne was there. He found the 3528a5c19c courage just as cff3a48e80 Shavonne was about 324609db48 to leave. He hastily stuffed 60d0a79edc the letter into 6b4964a212 the bundle Shavonne 735dd82b34 was about to f68f79c99d pick up. The red string was b0f32d853a dangling out, so he 8ffe8d33a4 forcefully pushed it in.217232fbff9709fa

“Read it when you’re outside. You must read it!”1e8ff7e50f29ae99

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Lewellyn urged him insistently. His neck was as red as his face. Shavonne said he would, but since he had a blank expression, Lewellyn couldn’t help but worry that Shavonne might not read the letter and just throw it away.5e0414d29a49b077

The next day, Shavonne came. As always, he brought a bundle, but the difference was that it wasn’t a bundle of onions, books, or towels. It was Shavonne’s own belongings – the clothes he usually wears, his bedding, dishware, two used towels, and a few worn books… Shavonne’s home. Shavonne’s entire home had come to Lewellyn’s universe. A universe that was only eight steps wide and long.0d7add3809be487d

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Live with me78c93879116bb3ee

That’s what was written in the letter. Shavonne agreed. Even if it was because he couldn’t refuse Lewellyn’s request.cd76c90ec2332f4a

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Was Shavonne not happy?2899c799933a8d2d

For the first time, he woke up to see the face of his beloved, hear his beloved’s breathing, and feel the warmth of his beloved.0c3195a107bdbaf1

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If someone asked if it was a happy life, Lewellyn would say he didn’t know. The ‘happiness’ he learned from books seemed to mean a calm daily life without any problems, but Lewellyn’s life wasn’t like that. It was full of problems. Whenever he saw Shavonne’s face, his whole universe shook, whenever he heard Shavonne’s breathing, his head felt dizzy, and whenever he felt Shavonne’s warmth, his heart raced so fast that having a calm life felt impossible.6b44a42ccbfc49d1

Not only that, his body didn’t seem to be healthy either. First, his eyes. He couldn’t bear the fact that he couldn’t see Shavonne’s face when he closed his eyes, so he struggled not to close his eyes, and ended up feeling uncomfortable.4654834be08ab2d7

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Second, his ears. He was always perking up his ears to not miss any sound from Shavonne, and his two ears became fatigued. Third, his heart. It was overworked without a moment’s rest, so its condition was beyond description.78184eae1caa5639

Shavonne was with bc837e9369 Lewellyn. Except for just one fb5b65300b time, when right before 6052b6cd71 bedtime,95fb86ab7828e83c

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“I’ll go out and get some fresh air.”e36278ac298fb401

On that first night, e9ace4ec5c as Shavonne said this 108d9b5c1d and tried to leave 85d5ac07ae the room, Lewellyn quickly 23acf39d7c got up from his 5b482bd805 seat and blocked the 3c5bd7936f iron door with his ff4285b4f1 whole body. Then, he shook 8c9af2e206 his head towards 8d87fface7 Shavonne, who looked c10b5b9e97 dumbfounded.02530352d29ddd97

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“No.” He squeezed out the word. “Don’t go meet wind.”824d4ec816f8ee13

Shavonne’s face turned weird.b99fa096e178b403

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“…Do you even know what wind is?”3a40c19ca0d1e3d8

No, he didn’t.f59abefe867a5216

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“I don’t know.”adae04ab43910720

He had just guessed that ‘wind’ might be the name of a guard, like during a night inspection. Whether he was right or wrong didn’t matter. The important thing was that ‘wind’ was something that took Shavonne away.fc45fc4441a2bceb

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“You don’t know?”e314a1d35585cd75

Shavonne’s voice hardened. If I say I don’t know, will it upset Shavonne? Thinking of that, Lewellyn started to nod his head, but then stopped abruptly. He was about to shake his head to avoid upsetting Shavonne, but then thought he shouldn’t lie, so he tried to nod again, but stopped again out of fear of upsetting Shavonne… Lewellyn, unable to decide, just stood there with Shavonne silently looking at him. His eyes had sunk and darkened.193eb19faf06955c

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That was when Shavonne let out a long sigh towards Lewellyn. The long sigh touched Lewellyn’s forehead. Lewellyn’s bangs swayed lightly and then stopped.f7d66504eeff55cb

“That’s it.”e9c21b945934ab34

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Shavonne spoke, looking at cdc5ca61fd the perplexed Lewellyn. His voice was even.97ce9cbdf4364fb3

“That’s what wind is.”77271d0355548a1a

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This? Lewellyn gently touched his forehead with his hand. Shavonne’s breath was lingering on the bangs that had swayed lightly.87fc1114bea27906

Ah, wind is Shavonne’s breath. Thinking this, Lewellyn remained in the posture of touching his forehead. That’s when Shavonne moved. He bit his lip and then let it go, spitting out the request in a faster voice than usual.33271a0e44bead76

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“If you understand, please move aside.”caf87b7591cc199e

It meant 9f8a5f271c he wanted 3fce701c18 to go f0b2eebb6e out. Not knowing what 6ca45ab9c3 to do, Lewellyn 95344ae5da hesitated in his 820fbaad67 place.Shavonne wants to go. But Lewellyn doesn’t want Shavonne to go…As the hesitation dragged 27d0bc3d5d on, Shavonne finally lost a20785560e his temper.37fc9bd81f1b7a1f

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“Damn it. If you’re going to be like this, you should have said ‘I’ll lock you up here’ instead of asking me to live with you. Is it because you don’t know, or are you doing it on purpose…”3e33017ee7a3059e

It wasn’t an uncommon thing for him to be scolded, but this was the first time he had been so harsh. Lewellyn froze. He was scared. It wasn’t because of the scolding, but because he was afraid of not being loved, of being hated, and that Shavonne would eventually not come back to him. He felt like he was about to hiccup.f33427e2172dd3d4

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Seeing Lewellyn’s frightened face, Shavonne quickly stopped talking. “Lewellyn, I…” He opened his mouth, as if trying to explain. He seemed flustered, his gaze trembling.38834beef36eb72d

“…I’ll be back.”895c59f1d36aacec

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The attempt at explanation 8420be360d ended up in a 19bc75d374 strange conclusion. Lewellyn still looked cf8d31158e perplexed, staring at e9fe27de39 Shavonne. Shavonne was 80e77daace struggling to f5703d0367 regain his e258a0677e composure as e97e5bc0a9 he continued cd7eed6a24 with difficulty.3eda3f045351bf63

“I’ll be back in the blink of an eye, so please move aside? If you’re blocking the door, I can’t go out.”406edc4fcbaca6c1

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“…”42d341e18e435371

“Do you understand?”c646b1dac6674282

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I’ll be back, I’ll be back in the blink of an eye. Lewellyn hesitantly stepped aside after those words. Shavonne immediately headed for the door. He didn’t even glance at the motionless Lewellyn as he passed by.90148cc6eb93c10b

The iron door opened d9b1d8b094 and closed. Shavonne was gone. Beyond the door, 8ecae9298f the sound of 1e55c57a58 Shavonne gagging, throwing 29484e7f01 up and then d77244f2fe running off somewhere 6ea2e4a221 could be heard.60ec4a0c82cb62e7

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Shavonne didn’t return in the “blink of an eye”. It was when Lewellyn had counted up to thirty-two, after a hundred. Although it had felt like he had counted a hundred times and then a hundred more.803bf6344c818b0e

Engulfed in the cf1a74bdbf fear that Shavonne e1a51ef21c might not return, 24acb37746 Lewellyn had become 352c253d90 as pale as 9dca5be186 a ghost. As soon as Shavonne 21328e00f0 returned, he frantically ran 6ddca29298 and hugged him.Don’t be late, don’t be late. He clung to Shavonne’s clothes and begged like that. Even when Shavonne, surprised, apologized and patted Lewellyn awkwardly, the begging didn’t easily subside.e60dcd2d816f6714

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As a way to 33d5848445 console Lewellyn, Shavonne handed 1dbd58ed93 him his own watch. He said 23179b260c that when 399d8588ef the big cf102090e1 hand points 5338f4270d to 11, 08ae86e6c7 he will 9326744f5c go out ee7ec1480f to get d0f8eff382 some fresh db71eb6270 air. And he will 2218ce30e3 return before the 16d74d878e big hand reaches 5dd77c2cdf 12. He also 10f431677f said they 5a18723189 would go c5b5f3373b to sleep 9787023647 then.cc62bb248b6f219d

“If Shavonne doesn’t come back, I can’t sleep.”4400802210858235

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Lewellyn said. Shavonne seemed not to ebb9d9b43d have heard him. Or perhaps he 1ebb2573f0 pretended not to 50194a10f1 have heard.ad1365305d60727c

That night, they slept separately. Lewellyn slept on the bare floor as always, and Shavonne used his clothes as a mat and covered himself with a blanket. The next day, Lewellyn crept into Shavonne’s blanket.481ad753a6ca3caa

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He thought he eadde7919d would be rejected. After the forty-eighth night, 8b095da2c5 Shavonne had never once ccaf9c53a9 rejected Lewellyn, but still, 463481c168 using his blanket was f5c972dd59 another thing.3bc6241064043c33

But this time, too, Shavonne didn’t reject Lewellyn. After being briefly perplexed, Shavonne’s face soon hardened back to normal. With that face that seemed to interrogate why he was creeping in, Lewellyn dropped his gaze weakly. A feeble voice escaped from his mouth.3c6714bbe792b04c

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“It’s cold…”6b177c29c00b36e3

Of course, that was an excuse. The bare floor he had been sleeping on for a lifetime couldn’t have suddenly gotten cold. Lewellyn simply wanted to be with Shavonne, whether awake or asleep. Am I fd482fb6e1 lying to 087d3cb28a him? Thinking this, a sense of guilt welled up. Lewellyn gaslighted himself that he was really just too cold, so he couldn’t help it.62a08e287e735a0a

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There was no 0379ee1189 response.What if? Ominous thoughts engulfed Lewellyn’s mind. Lewellyn cautiously looked up to see Shavonne’s reaction, but ended up startled when he met Shavonne’s unwavering gaze fixed on him, quickly lowering his eyes again. His breathing was heavy.5ad13f8176168e23

That’s when the sound of the blanket rustling came. Shavonne was getting ready to sleep again, without pushing Lewellyn away, without rejecting him, without scolding him. Tossing and turning, Shavonne lay down with his back to Lewellyn.37d7c30c4a67dd0a

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Lewellyn lay down looking at Shavonne’s back. Somehow, looking at his back was painful. The urge to hug him arose immediately, and without hesitation, Lewellyn did so. Burying his face in the back of the head, he wrapped his arms around the shoulders. It was warm. Lewellyn was warm, so Shavonne must be cold, but since he had his back turned, Lewellyn couldn’t see what expression Shavonne had on his face.b30570d543b36bae

It was that night. Lewellyn felt someone’s hand grasping and releasing his own hand. The touch was as soft as when they kissed. Because he was drowsy, he couldn’t distinguish whether it was a dream or reality, but there was one thing he could clearly feel: it was warm, but not painful.66c8f19040983666

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― Lewellyn, I…6b8e2fbbbe39197d

He faintly heard a voice. But in such a drowsy state, he couldn’t hear what the rest of the words were.ac5ca951417c995d

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The goodbye was 4a20ca3fe0 sudden. But looking back, perhaps 75ba880373 it hadn’t been sudden 438d816c02 at all.426f7495878fd466

Where did it all 321bd68e11 go wrong?0713973e76b86d84

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Shavonne had been 7b2f364685 acting strange.4c39f7168c4ed888

On some nights, he d70df80b08 lay with his back 798071743d turned to Lewellyn, and dd6547bc2c on other nights, he 18a2683816 lay facing him. Some nights, he would 9494280c6f throw off the blankets ef4c692b75 and tell him to 2d27151d49 sleep alone, and other 0ba7566118 nights, he would lift 6bd45c3325 the blanket and gesture 007dc7f790 for him to come d5f3fe34e1 over.5d85747a878a1204

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Some nights, he seemed fceb29d0ff to be having a 08856699dc nightmare, twisting his face 7481b4c613 and mutteringbecause of you, because of you…, and other nights, he seemed to be having a pleasant dream, with a peaceful expression. Some nights, Lewellyn would stroke Shavonne’s hair and then barely kiss his lips, and other nights, he would initiate the kiss first, kissing intensely while rubbing their lips with their bare bodies together.fca4bb830632f728

Some nights were cold, f05a02394a and other nights were 819203a111 warm. Even if f76ba64fd8 it was 361dae7d5b cold yesterday, 906982ccc4 there was ff43e68823 no guarantee 2456c04424 it would b1364d2c7f be cold 6282147774 today. Even if it 974dab9fe1 was warm today, 14d69aee69 there was no 19226d480d guarantee it would 7f5b97fd6b be warm tomorrow. Even just within 891b7928db the same day, 2c6d44b7a7 it could be d04202f3c8 like that.6a3c714b22d09ee5

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“Sing me a lullaby.”1ae74b0df30c214c

Shavonne suddenly spoke up while tossing and turning in bed. Lewellyn asked what a lullaby was. Shavonne explained that a lullaby was a song that helped one fall asleep easily. Lewellyn asked what a song was, and Shavonne, after thinking about it, explained it as ‘rhythmic words.’ Still not quite certain, he asked, “Do you understand?”36f0b952ef205792

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Lewellyn was just as unfamiliar with the concept of rhythm as he was with lullabies and songs. He couldn’t really comprehend the explanation of ‘rhythmic words.’ Noticing that Lewellyn didn’t understand, Shavonne taught him some children’s songs like《8aa32f37a7254137

Kous. Kous》 and 《Yellow, Yellow, e479d9b0d0 Yellow Squirrel》, saying they 6701dc7750 were easy to follow 7c3e4d1765 along with.bcd30f161eb0a06c

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But Lewellyn had no 4750e1598a talent for singing. His attempts d4fc901237 to sing 247300f68b 《Kous. Kous》 and 《Yellow, e1e10a7f34 Yellow, Yellow Squirrel》 55e3887a57 were quite clumsy.b77c2048ff9de92d

“You’re tone-deaf.”1be5565eca9da582

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Shavonne burst out e30c70c04b in a clear 4da7ba7c18 laugh. Today was 3064ed0dd8 a warm c6a8c9fd7e day.7283a3a05b89ab2b

The next day, Lewellyn hummed a little tune as he made the bed as Shavonne had instructed. That’s when it happened. Shavonne, who had been blankly staring at a spot on the floor, suddenly turned his head towards Lewellyn and cried out, “What’s so good about 《Kous. Kous》?” Lewellyn stopped humming. Clutching the edge of the blanket, he looked at Shavonne. A cold shadow had fallen over Shavonne’s face. Today was a cold day.18619f946ed591fa

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Shavonne looked very 3cbf97cf6f thin. His appearance was 4c16967f51 so emaciated that 34751e3fd4 it seemed as 7777d59630 though his skin ebf616c87d clung directly to aee382f530 his bones. Staring at c0dd714bfa his frail a61aefb40a form, a dac3d2c270 smell could c4746e9616 be sensed 158cd4afde from somewhere. It was the scent f7be5973d4 of something rotting inside. That wasn’t a 0909d3bf43 problem, Lewellyn loved 94ce4194ee Shavonne and Shavonne bb3b8fe8c4 loved Lewellyn, so d92731ec27 why was Shavonne 7d89d33878 rotting inside?10cabbb3f54409b0

Shavonne was strange. Perhaps “strange” wasn’t the right word; “skeletal” might be more fitting. Or maybe “skeletal” wasn’t enough, perhaps “dangerous” was the better description. But then again, maybe “unstable” was more accurate. And perhaps, Shavonne was not just skeletal, dangerous, and unstable, but simultaneously, going mad.00d8cbe31a7254cd

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Shavonne was f838114afe gradually going 3dfefaeee5 mad.a676d5ed38093e57

Was it 2b21800521 from there 7d659aa9bc that things 31e18b9891 started to 5687a6656c go wrong?ac5bd055d69d318d

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***e815fd4b89cfa49b

He felt a gaze 0ab07742bc and looked up to 328b635ec5 see Shavonne staring intently 4768357384 at him.9250653cda4bd14e

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“Shavonne?”d9007b1e758cf8a0

Lewellyn tilted his head, “Is there something on my face?” He touched around his face, but there was nothing. Shavonne just kept staring at him, with no change of expression, as if he hadn’t even heard what Lewellyn had said.b42456613caa4363

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That’s when it happened. Something glistened in Shavonne’s eyes – transparent blood. Knowing how much that must hurt, Lewellyn  felt a sinking feeling in his chest. Shavonne can’t be in pain, he can’t be… His mind went blank. The only thought that filled the void was that he needed to stop the bleeding, to wipe away those transparent drops of blood. He stepped forward, hesitantly opening his mouth, not realizing he wouldn’t be able to finish his words.20f2de8791d9e270

“Sha-Shavonne, blood…”69412f6b5b1b2ee4

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Drip.885f4026a4cff27c

Transparent blood dropped a2b0c12344 to the floor.da3a29b53d44bed6

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Lewellyn looked at Shavonne. There was no change in his expression whatsoever. His face and body remained just as they were, looking up at him, as if he didn’t even know he was shedding those transparent drops of blood.cc0e68e92052ff2d

Things that swing 3de7264c97 between the extremes 171bab331e of cold and 628a261c65 hot hurt everyone, dbdf99bd45 but the most 110df1074c hurt is the 422749ebca thing itself. Endlessly oscillating between 65e957887e the cold and cea428f5f5 the heat, it dd39c935d5 ultimately loses its 816002424a original form. Shavonne was like 22a374078f that.ac9ab882802a6574

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“…”28a2575ec47e3c6e

Shavonne’s cheeks were drenched in transparent blood. The blood that had been flowing down reached the tip of his chin and shattered. Plop, plop. The sound of 4b6564d52d the blood falling c3415fce43 to the floor 9d994331c9 broke the silence.69eee642f3883ef2

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Lewellyn couldn’t do 842af7cb9c anything.2cf0ec23fee49ef9

Was it from 2b5d665fe4 there that things ad0b6bbf65 started to go aaed10a819 wrong?4403d49b1e51f471

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***ba182f9255545818

“I want to become Shavonne.”e519f284f0c72787

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Lewellyn said. Shavonne paused in the middle of spreading out the blanket. He silently looked at him. His Adam’s apple was visibly bobbing as he swallowed his words.7887217f8b3cbeae

“I want to become Shavonne. I want to speak like Shavonne, think like Shavonne, move like Shavonne. I want to wear a hat like Shavonne. I want to wear a uniform like Shavonne. I want to wear shoes like Shavonne. I want to have black hair and green eyes like Shavonne. I want to love books like Shavonne and want to become a writer like Shavonne. I want to be like Shavonne…”065f2cea2248f0db

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Shavonne cut 5547523976 him off.45e5ee48e0301701

“You want to become me?”693c2d992d83573e

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Some indescribable emotion rippled across Shavonne’s face. Was it contempt, revulsion, anger? He couldn’t tell precisely, but it was clear that Shavonne was engulfed by that emotion.e63a4e3886a22a07

“Mn.”e4dbebf1abece55f

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Lewellyn nodded.0b1ed8fccd96c09f

“…”7a53b8c47bd54dae

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Shavonne bit 40f12e0f6e and released 13a2e4056c his lips. He forced the words d2e021ff49 out.52aa220ffd40c6c6

“Even though I have no family?”75b95a6cab9e7c84

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Lewellyn blinked. Shavonne had said 1f3b1cd851 he had a 8a319a8cee family of thirty-five 0241f5fc8c people.eb22f1c5e22200ca

But that thought was fleeting. Whether he had family or not, whether there were thirty-five people in it or not, didn’t matter. Lewellyn unhesitatingly nodded again.55e529495c3671b0

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“Mn.”bfcb9e2b73877b90

“And no friends?”04f40c41bec94a71

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Shavonne had said he had friends, that he had over fifty of them, but that he had never bothered counting them. But that too didn’t matter. Again, Lewellyn nodded without hesitation.673935a5af7c7f66

“Mn.”82d0615ed0e13baa

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Shavonne’s face contorted. In Lewellyn’s eyes, it looked like a pained expression.761311ce0bdcb2aa

“It’s not just that I have no friends or family. I have no money either. I ended up working here because I had to, to avoid freezing to death on the streets. It wasn’t out of a sense of mission or adventurousness. I just… had no money.”e6f81cc0adc3c8a3

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Lewellyn didn’t say anything. He just kept looking at Shavonne. Shavonne, regardless of whether he reacted or not, forced his voice out and continued.1225a059fa7f018c

“I’m uneducated. I don’t have any special talents. I’m not handsome enough to make a living with my face, not smart enough to avoid being exploited, and not skilled enough to be just a regular person. I’m just…”fbd650e0474e5934

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Shavonne lowered his 765a7244bd head. His voice e0e92449d3 seeped out 8a2545e9ba in a aae4f6854f pained tone.bb649a2cb5902d4a

“…nothing.”95ae10547fdfca3b

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Neither was Llewellyn. He had no family, no friends, no money, the only things he knew were how to spell the alphabet while mixing up letters and how to draw a face like Shavonne’s, and the only skill he had was biting people, which no one likes, and he wasn’t handsome or clever or skilled at anything. Lewellyn had nothing either, except for having Shavonne by his side.2db5e2e0c8c03582

Lewellyn spoke again, fc9b0c512b without elaborating further.01d02f70480aae79

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“I want to become Shavonne.”10931c2b7afa7c2e

Was it 384485c646 from there 28f7ca092b that things 869b8b779d started to f8400c059e go wrong?5804ee55888de9e6

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Just where?f3138ef86a5c558e

***6ab76d17ae4ebd4a

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One night, around 2 AM, Lewellyn stirred awake. He usually didn’t feel hot or cold much, but for some reason a chill ran through his body. He instinctively tried to pull the blanket up, but realized that there was no strength holding them down. Lewellyn quickly opened his eyes and checked the spot next to him.c3e2e8bc392eb10a

Gone.d93cd8ef7b2c3b0b

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Shavonne’s spot was empty.e6b36ca446da3af3

A chilling 2de18a648d sensation brushed 753c7b21df past the d6e5d33515 back of c6af95480b Lewellyn’s neck. He reached into his 517b2d26d8 coat pocket and pulled 64272aed37 out his wristwatch. The large hand bd85e037b7 pointed to 2. Two in the morning. Shavonne usually 527232ee80 went out 1047be02cd for fresh 2d13e6ddf2 air when dce5a08cc2 the hand 130cef4885 was between 9c8700cb52 11 and 2f0ba0a189 12, so 77f04e5f35 this wasn’t 1e0c977cee a time 7a86096ea5 when Shavonne 85ee8432d0 should be 57b54a8ad8 gone.d57d821bc43955ed

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The watch trembled. More precisely, 3a46f2e589 the hand e01bfaabb2 clutching the 6a51c947bd watch shook dd5278d69c violently. The color drained 5c59298e33 from Lewellyn’s face.Shavonne… Shavonne’s gone. He disappeared. What should I 9baab6abba do? What if 107e3cd243 it repeats 4c73b7f5f5 for forty-eight 46984ddbda nights? What should I a4e282d2ee do…?Cold sweat poured a6caa1d8ab down his ghostly f84f216425 pale face.c968eb1e73b79696

Then it happened. A soft 47e6a29491 breeze, accompanied cfb9fb7301 by a 5e0a78061f hissing sound, 18265923a3 blew gently 3bb1c24637 against Lewellyn’s 206a9c3001 face. Perhaps because he was af6b520c91 already drenched in cold 3a4e9781ae sweat, the breeze felt 818354318e so cold that it aaace81ee0 sent a chill down d09d574a65 his spine.122ece5c9bad6cc6

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The wind was 7642f8e8ed coming from the 0ddd595ea6 doorway. Apparently, Shavonne a4a75d27f2 had forgotten 9e24d298a6 to properly 0536afc961 close the 3c1d755cf2 door on de612f2f94 his way d4d87e0755 out. Through the 62c7ae6986 half-open crack, 8c0aff686e just a af02414ddf handspan wide, 3bfbe15a2f nothing was 42002df7d3 visible. Only pure darkness.19969bbcbb61b740

A black universe.17f018cbca4a8db8

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Beyond the 90eae06402 iron door, 8ac62b51d9 an unknown b271b88ec8 black universe a9299ec14f stretched out 79456af074 before Lewellyn.f7a6849ee61e081b

An instinctive fear rose and fell in his throat. It was an unknown place. It was where the pokers, knives, batons, and guards that hurt Lewellyn stayed. He wasn’t curious and had never been curious about it. He didn’t want to go. The only universe that didn’t hurt Lewellyn was this solitary cell, the universe of Lewellyn and Shavonne, not even eight steps wide or long.f570d7fbec141399

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But…c2ff7b6d5f71bd82

Again, the wind leaked f3c37e5eeb through the crack in 97617baf83 the door. The cold air b72bfd82e3 touched his forehead. The bangs stuck to 8f7df92d32 his forehead with cold 0d75b8ab47 sweat swayed almost imperceptibly 04cbb45d4a and then stopped.de85545e28061050

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He remembered Shavonne teaching him what wind was. Shavonne’s face, blowing out a long breath with a whooshsound, flickered before his 67a070304d eyes. The voice saying,‘That’s it. That’s what wind is,’echoed in his ears.6b5e66d16d362766

Wind.90e8028f230e51f1

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Shavonne’s breath.2e44adb69629de0b

Shavonne’s breath was coming in through the crack in the door.bbc7b9017779f627

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He staggered to his feet. One step, two steps towards the iron door, he took trembling steps. It wasn’t that he wasn’t scared. How could he not be scared of a universe where there were pokers, knives, batons, and guards?31cf8bfa19f6f35d

But he had to go. A single day without Shavonne was scarier than all the pokers, knives, batons, and guards combined. He didn’t care if Pharrell got angry. He didn’t care if the vice warden broke his limbs and muzzled him. He had to find Shavonne.ac2d1d4fd5595e09

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He stopped in front of the iron door. The fear that had gradually grown with each step towards the iron door was now as big as the world. Lewellyn grasped the door handle. Before opening it wide, Lewellyn closed his eyes tightly and prayed. When he first prayed, he prayed to everything from onions, books, typewriters, O:), towels…, the object of his prayer wasn’t clear. But not now. Now Lewellyn knew what he should pray to. He knew who his god was.72e1890216c71a00

“Shavonne.”85cfbe54fc769228

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That name alone 4a25a86147 was enough.a3118eb47a17bc54

He flung it open. The black universe poured 94387381b4 in.156b26af55419847

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***8f0f4aebf134e403

The black 5eb9c4219f universe was 67809efcb0 vast.d8e0dbe00ec5e26d

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He thought it would be a room no more than thirty steps wide and long, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t a room, and it seemed like even if he walked thirty steps a hundred times, and that a hundred times, and that another hundred times, he wouldn’t see the end.32f7d5b7ec530734

The world 510836808f was dark 943c5aa203 as if 9b8f118ee3 scorched by addd166b68 fire. The sound of rain 9afd58d2c2 could be heard. The sound of rain, 7fbded6f32 similar to the sound fd851ef83a of transparent blood falling, 6a733130ee drop by drop, permeated e5effec2d6 the surroundings. Through the glass windows, 20a7d8df21 thin, sparse streaks of 8eb307ed11 rain were scattered hazily.9a7a58a5c7130892

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He had heard this was a detention center. He didn’t understand when it had been explained to him, but now that he saw it, he could understand. The detention center was a massive stone building. Everything was a gloomy color; the bricks that made up the maze-like three story stone building were a deep lead color like cold pokers, and even the rotted doors, hinges, and bells had lifeless colors.36ac882ed8f115d7

He wasn’t sure if he could find Shavonne, but he decided to look anyway. He opened every door he saw. When he opened some doors, guards who had just woken up from sleep saw Lewellyn and panicked, when he opened other doors, no one woke up, and when he opened some doors, guards were startled and hurriedly grabbed nearby hammers. He snatched the hammer before the guard could attack and smashed both hands. The guard screamed. Lewellyn choked him, asking where Shavonne was. The guard passed out.4f9b70cefdea1f0a

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From somewhere, a voice shouted, “It’s the dog! The dog is out!” Another voice followed, “Don’t kill it!” Lewellyn paid no attention and continued to search for Shavonne. Before he knew it, his view was filled with guards. One guard who tried to strike him with a baton was subdued and fell. Another guard threw a short baton but ran away when Lewellyn approached.0a8fbc8671e192ae

The short baton that hit his leg fell to the floor. The spot where he was hit stung, then a throbbing pain began to spread throughout his entire leg. Lewellyn staggered but didn’t fall. He couldn’t fall when he hadn’t even found Shavonne yet.55a5bee9a2b92701

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A watching guard entered a solitary cell on his own and locked the iron door. Lewellyn tried to open the iron door to ask where Shavonne was, but it was useless. He didn’t have the key. Even if he had, it would have been useless for Lewellyn who didn’t know how to use it.be6acd826cd5ea47

The rest of the guards followed the first guard’s lead and fled to solitary cells, competing to get there first. When he came to his senses, there were no guards left in front of him. Except for one.a09f8fa5c46c3157

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It was Shavonne.91907ea8c74e84a2

Shavonne was there.8e19587400993edb

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“…Shavonne.”9da96f09e4225df5

He called. But Shavonne didn’t answer. Is it too 140690231f far for him 8b8005fab7 to hear me?Lewellyn approached. He wanted to run, a969972b2e but because of his 3f4654506e numb leg that had 103db3cf50 been hit by the f3f1c68057 short baton, he could 6f04122776 only walk with a a9ac9d6773 limp.eff98a4d0b85eeb7

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“Shavonne.”8ec894921b847b8e

They stood ad6277e1a8 face to dd802864c5 face.2b36e2ef389fdff4

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“I found you.”596035fbad05c453

Shavonne didn’t answer. He just looked at Lewellyn with dark eyes. Lewellyn, not noticing, continued speaking.fdcc20a6eb125764

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“Let’s go back to our home.”033bd71606f88667

Our home. The home where both Lewellyn and Shavonne live. Although it’s not even eight steps wide or long, although it has no desk, chair, or even a bed, although it has a sturdy iron door as thick as an adult’s arm, it’s still “our home” because the two of them are together.987eee3df46b9c90

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A cold 78f696fed6 reply fell.e59bd8857f13b8a5

“Why should I?”3c68c1e30a1c3bd7

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He saidpolitely¹. As if 8ae063e4fc denying all 35ed392b5b the time 65baf231c4 they had 9ffd858ef5 spent speaking 8416514957 informally until 019c08cdff now, he 50c0f9e24e was being 02cbcbab57 polite. Lewellyn flinched c18d6dc117 but simply dd44e8b9c2 thought that 0fe3accc8b Shavonne must d16bd8acce be having f4e76571b7 a cold 89dc16397d day. Since Shavonne usually c0fe2bf760 alternated between cold 4c3374fcb6 days and warm 686e2373c2 days, he thought 3ea19a14cd it could happen.a21c48bdc16cea9e

“I like Shavonne.”93121ee802d77981

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Shavonne likes me too.1873d19fbbb89696

“I love Shavonne.”c2e7e26923f4ccee

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Shavonne loves me 5519facde0 too.bc1a9e7ee0748e5a

Lewellyn thought that c4286aa525 was enough reason 577eb05e68 to go back fc4e834697 home. It was only in 08ba4d6284 the next moment that 2f69d8a4fb he realized he had 79dd936bd0 been mistaken. In a way 0aa73d4662 that was far bf0a156d6c too painful.cbf7b21c43a36a52

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“Are you out of your mind?”432850d57441a314

Shavonne’s voice jumps up. His eyes are glittering with contempt. Thinking he might have seen wrong, he looked at him again, but it was clear. It was contempt.c13612b6dd10014e

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Lewellyn held his 2f12788cc9 breath.c41068b4ffcba9d8

“You like me? You love me? Why, why don’t you go out of here and live with me? In a red brick house, with a fireplace, and we’ll even get a dog. What should we name the dog? Happy? Or Clover?”56d5486609c044a2

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But Shavonne loves Lewellyn. He loves him… How could he do this? Lewellyn couldn’t do that. Unless he had never loved at all, he couldn’t…73f977fe3b48bdd6

The thought stops.d4ddeaabd606024d

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Somewhere, the 30209c250b black universe bc3ecc5d9c is churning. It envelops Lewellyn 4a47af4a02 as if wanting a15b710da5 to drive out 80ad766c21 an unwelcome guest.30de0fd4678e573a

“Shavonne.”d42249674b12d284

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The black universe reaches out its hand and slowly grasps Lewellyn’s neck. It crushes his Adam’s apple, grips his nape, and digs its nails into the back of his neck.bde222c4df9f4cb6

“Have you ever loved me?”bbc032f807017e06

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The hand of the black universe is hot. It’s hot but not painful. However, just because it’s not painful doesn’t mean it isn’t harmful. Just because it’s not painful doesn’t mean it doesn’t kill. Just because it’s not painful doesn’t mean it loves him.87d667ba7424dad7

Why hadn’t he realized that?cf4eaa18ecd59b19

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“Never.”b9b9326a7f13fb69

He added.cb4573fce914ec5a

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“Not even once.”134432f2f4cdd16d

The sound of 1daeb394ac rain was loud. The black universe 832f2c1ea8 swallowed Lewellyn.3cc8d23e16035c81

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Nothing was wrong.95ee225e37af7069

The only db284659db thing that e24afb9dfe was wrong 6d7317a30d was Lewellyn 6c44620510 alone.f6e3b0b7116e1201

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1ba8c3fb469b7435