MLCD Chapter 4.1 || New Moon

He had met 526ddef351 Shavonne nine years 56f1ddf280 ago at the b680c872a4 Lute Penitentiary.3ce51c27f70bc7be

The ice cold 3917005d3e waves crashed against 054d661efe the cliff. With a f85aafce88 loud splashing, 52fa4677b0 they broke 4d1d31b349 apart, creating c0f2f4a8c7 pale spray. Seagulls flew 44ad37df66 up, squawking 260b06cb8a into the 42c886ac02 dark black c7d50ea66a sky where ac68df5305 one couldn’t c22a86b18a tell apart efe5f9f104 day or 15bfa23178 night.3fbaa15f460fc628

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Winter in Bunch 5595a50986 was often said ea01b76869 to be bitterly d863341127 cold, but compared 0204bca193 to this place, 034c4f0ed6 it might as a88bd4bd88 well be summer. Lute. Located at the northernmost 3fcf33d822 point of the country, 4294fcf59d Lute was extremely cold. Forget about agriculture, 388518dd9e not even a f21a7dde55 single blade of 16a0be7ef4 grass could grow 3566493cd4 there.db019a7192d60fb6

There was a well-known story of how, about 1,800 years ago, the barbarians from the south who had invaded this place called it “useless land” and ended up not occupying Lute. It was also widely known that the group of people who had fled to Lute to escape the barbarians’ murders, rapes, and plunders – half of them had frozen to death, and the other half had starved to death. It was an abandoned land until a penitentiary was established there 50 years ago.59aee61ebfc486ac

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There were no clear criteria for internment. At first, it seemed to be only political prisoners, but then common criminals were brought in as well. A conman who had scammed someone from the royal family and was trying to flee the country, a coachman who had committed adultery with a count’s daughter, a textile worker who had accidentally crippled a blood relative of the prime minister… The crimes were varied.7518df0477be656a

There were also people who had been brought in without committing any crimes. In reality, they probably hadn’t committed any crimes, but they had done something that displeased the ‘higher-ups’, though they were unaware of it.c8d8c32e436a9403

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Those were the kind of inmates there were. They all were really different from each other. Age, occupation, hometown, family, education… The inmates could list countless ways in which they differed from one another, as many as the ‘reasons why I want to go back home’. Yet, they had one thing in common: they would die in this penitentiary.26ec0ca48ae6c4f0

Except for one.3960926843c985ec

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He had ‘bitten’ 5a93bcded0 the guard who c47c585c77 had come to 91ff663d92 work.89d0d49aa9ca295d

‘Biting’ is what they called it, but the actual meaning wasn’t just biting. Sometimes it did involve biting, in the literal sense, but ‘biting’ generally meant harming someone using not just the teeth, but the entire body – hands, feet, head, and so on. Rarely, they even used tools.cb3afb3aafcdd779

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“Let go, you son of a bitch!”27cee205d871a040

In a cramped solitary cell, there was only a dim incandescent bulb, and there wasn’t a desk, chair, or even a bed. It was completely isolated from the outside world. The door was locked and needed a code, but since he was illiterate, he couldn’t open it. He couldn’t break it either. It was an iron door, and judging from what he had seen when the guards opened it, the door was as thick as an arm.acf7b12b98073874

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That sturdy iron door blocked everything. Nothing could get in or out without the warden’s permission. No people, light, shadow, seasons, cold, heat, and not even a sound.f6ef5b1006eb8b3c

The lack 0534f69799 of sound 9167952152 was unfortunate, df1ce23d7f at least 16154ea6df for the c557be863b guard he a112b984f1 had bitten. Even if e7a6956da1 he cried, e37eb286e2 shouted, or 8756f26c7b screamed (if addd8fbcc2 he were 3dbad76369 a normal 12ad805f3c person), there 5c18e0fe2a would be 238f16d532 no one c310ee47f0 to hear 044a9774fd it.32c2bae1a4a44933

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“Fuck, let go! Let- ah, aah!”fdb8a14f49e37ffa

He tore off the nametag on the guard’s uniform. It seemed to be clumsily sewn on, as it came off with a ripping sound. A small, solid metal nametag, no bigger than two fingers. No one would consider it a weapon, but to him, anything he used became a weapon, even a withered blade of grass.91979b458906eb08

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Grasping the nametag, he sharpened the edge and stabbed it into the guard’s eye. No, ‘stabbed’ wasn’t quite accurate – he more like gouged it out. The guard let out a scream. His limbs flailed, trying to push him away, but to no avail.be8b7f3461a1ba79

He grabbed the guard’s neck. It was hot, and he could feel the pulse throbbing. He could see his own hand wrapped around the neck, his nails ragged and the skin under his nails festering, almost rotten. There had been times when his nails had grown healthy and new skin had formed, but that was ages ago, in a distant past. Using a hot poker, searing him, stabbing him with sharp objects and cutting him so that his injuries would fester – day after day, he had undergone such ‘procedures,’ so it was only natural that his body was falling apart. His nails no longer grew healthy, and where there should be new skin, there was only pain.c90430b47da4da1c

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It’s all their fault.11bfe420dfbfdb4d

His yellow eyes, 2134e0018c glaring at the 4d9c2500ee guard, were burning. The hand gripping the 864bc3a07c neck tensed up, the 483ccf526b tendons on the back 4938d84065 of his hand looked 7778169187 hideously prominent, maybe because c5a4e64802 he was skinny.7c86421d466043b7

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It’s all their fault.054005be0ff44de5

There was a sound of bone breaking. No dying screams. The guard’s body went limp, his eyes rolled back, whites showing, never to close again.9d3dc589468e8081

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Yet, the fire in the yellow eyes showed no sign of fading. He climbed onto the corpse, grasping the metal nametag and began cutting to pieces the body. As the nametag’s edges weren’t like a knife, being too dull, it was more like digging the flesh than cutting it.57c31dfe4e4bdf7f

How long c8fb571e29 have I 451a3efb21 been doing 523b16af56 it for?The nametag, unable 1d404d07c0 to withstand the 320d22a681 constant pressure, finally 514f95c900 broke with a 50b77db823 snap. The broken 48fc4091e8 edge was 4eff818b3e sharp, sharp 267cdfd5bc enough for ecba15a948 real cutting.e96f1330d23d0481

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But before he could truly start doing it, mist began to fill the room. It was gas. He didn’t know it was gas, nor did he know the purpose of this gas, but he knew it made him vulnerable. According to the guards, it was a precious commodity, only to be used when absolutely necessary.107cd5b9a99efe9f

His mind 1df2243a7c grew hazy. His body went 8e24e89739 limp. His legs buckled, 8340a6cd49 his arms weakened. Even his 2a15c9dc28 hands were 19db1678c4 not spared. The nametag slipped d2861c408b from his grasp, 4982fc2b5e clattering to the ffb5a6a05d floor with a 4c87bc57d3 metallic thud. His body crumpled 75490e2d2e next to the b91abb584f nametag.c68d2847e117f3f1

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He tried to caedf90b20 get up, but c8bd70f704 could only twitch 5632b575a9 helplessly, unable to 996f734bda rise.878de04eb98ad9bb

Familiar footsteps were heard. He managed to lift his eyes to the room filled with gas. The iron door was open. Someone was approaching him. It was blurry, but he could make out a bald head, a large mole on the neck, and a black gas mask. He was the one the inmates called the ‘Vice Warden.’aea6af8c970aa42f

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“Did you bite someone again?”5d7391662c174f8d

The ‘Vice Warden’ kicked his face, which was on the floor. The decorative pin on the boot tore his cheek. Blood oozed from his cheek. It was hot, but not painful. No, perhaps it was painful, but he just didn’t care. Compared to the times his skin had been seared, his nails twisted with a hot poker, or having his flesh flayed, a torn cheek was nothing.62fab9f9f8e20398

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Though he was too weak to fight back or even sit up straight due to the gas, his piercing yellow eyes never lost their intensity. He glared at the ‘Vice Warden’, blood vessels bulging so much to the point that cracks seemed to appear in his eyes.74c608ed04beb0a9

The ‘Vice Warden’ seemed displeased by this.b642da9d5c719290

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“Fucking dog doesn’t even know its place.”e148bc9cccc19a28

His face was stomped on by the boot. The dirt clinging to the sole dug into his face. It stung. It even got into his eyes, making them sting. But he did not close his eyes, nor did he look away. He continued to glare at the ‘Vice Warden’ with his bloodshot eyes. If looks could kill, he might have killed the ‘Vice Warden’ over and over again.ee465634c7439124

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But alas, looks 14ec47ba20 can’t kill people.7e27c374bb189576

“You’ve bitten five guards this winter alone. Do you know how much it costs to hire, train, and dispose of one guard? The budget is already drained, goddammit…”1291af3e9e7f91f4

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He did not understand what the ‘Vice Warden’ was complaining about. Words like “hire,” “train,” and “dispose of” were all unfamiliar to him. The word “budget” was something he had never heard before. The guards, including the ‘Vice Warden,’ no, the people around him, were always using words he didn’t know.2280a8bb4611e88a

Anyway, what “hire,” “train,” “dispose of,” and “budget” meant didn’t really matter. He bared his teeth and growled. The ‘Vice Warden’ clicked his tongue. “You’re a dog that doesn’t even recognize its owner.”b4f299a3866a5d35

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Dogs walked on 21ee026745 four legs, had 23f270f48f tails, and sharp 4b36eaf312 teeth. He walked on two d380bc6bb7 legs, had no tail, de4e4ff06f and his teeth were 261d6d1a57 not sharp. But he was a 4740d397c9 dog. He may fb8bd434a6 look human, 508cfa9559 but he 95eddb776e was **a 2d330a8346 dog. Everyone called 096879c45f him a fdb252b2b5 dog and 96c9dfaa82 treated him ced7a1a775 as such.47ff6b17c0bc28bf

A long time ago, there were guards who were unsure whether he was a dog or a human, but that changed once he started “biting” people. Now, everyone agreed that he was a dog. A ferocious dog, a dog that didn’t recognize its owner, a dog that must be shot without hesitation if it runs wild.4491a357f756829b

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“If only Mr. Pharrell had authorized it, I would have dumped you into the sea to feed the fish long ago… damn it.”733242dfbc836ac8

The ‘Vice Warden’ used more words he didn’t understand. The sea and the fish were both unknown to him. From the context, it seems the sea was a place, and the fish were some kind of living being.8d9bf7f204a2b3eb

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In his 3d34f8579c mind, the b645334f66 sea resembled 93d58cda0c the cramped c6cfffd27b solitary cell, 97dc3a85bf with a 55663fb388 dim incandescent 68e8c27ace bulb on c13d2a8026 the ceiling a6f7bfbb3c and a 3771a77cf7 sturdy iron e519265f75 door. The fish had 5342c66f36 no hair or f6814fa2eb tails and looked fa8a5c0354 like the people 9c6b402b3f in uniform with d8b65e43c1 nametags, walking on 739db2ee35 two legs. Of course, 56f0d6278e this was d75a24a8aa a ridiculous ed8ced9a5b assumption, but da39f1a95d he had 981357de02 only met 524305ce3b the guards 9b6ad30421 and Pharrell. He was a man b359a68e2a who had been born 816893647a in a cell, raised 696abe5655 in a cell, and 7b3259b721 (probably) would die in bf7df31479 a cell, so that aedebc9398 was the best he bebb762aea could imagine.74e95db1e7d56900

“Stay put.”a6564fbe754e027a

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The ‘Vice Warden’ spoke. He didn’t wonder why he was told to stay put. Based on a lifetime of experience, he knew what the ‘Vice Warden’ was about to do.3c2987922d47d16d

“Time to work.” The ‘Vice Warden’ added, “That idiot kicked the bucket, but I can’t just leave it be, I’ll have to do it myself.”96ada556e049ef0e

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He sneered as he looked at the guard’s corpse sprawled on the floor.84f773c6bc0c7701

That’s when he mustered all his strength and grabbed the ‘Vice Warden”s leg. “What the?” Taking advantage of the ‘Vice Warden”s surprise, he sank his teeth into the leg. He bit down.eb9a129dfb3496a5

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The ‘Vice Warden”s scream sounded distant. “You, you damn dog.” He stammered, trying to shake him off, but he wouldn’t give in so easily. Like a leech, he clung and sank his teeth into the ‘Vice Warden”s leg. He tasted the salty blood seeping through the pant leg.67715277321b6e1b

Realizing he couldn’t shake him off no matter how much he hit or shook him, the ‘Vice Warden’ hastily pulled a baton from his pocket. He struck the back of his head repeatedly. It was only after the third blow that he finally released the ‘Vice Warden.’01341d23422f54ba

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The ‘Vice Warden’s’ pants slipped through his fingers. Blood oozed from the back of his head. The hazy consciousness that had been dulled by the gas was now growing increasingly murky. The light in his eyes was dimming. The ‘Vice Warden’ kicked him, spitting in disgust.c89c663ea72ebefb

Knocked down, he was tied to a chair with ropes, not the common kind found on the market, but thick sailor’s ropes used for navigation. Soon, a poker, a knife, and a long staff came into view in his blurring vision. They were the tools used for “work”.9c6aec0a7016f275

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It had begun, 803eba7b1e never missing a f7110b6f9c day.f17ee35c450cd913

• **

Just as always, when the “work” was done, he was thoroughly injured. There wasn’t a single part of him unscathed. His limbs were numb, his chest, waist, and sides were oozing blood and discharge. Blisters had appeared on the burned areas. Searing pain enveloped his entire body.8a2f8397ffccf1c3

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― Don’t bite.409fefdbf1fe66e3

The ‘Vice Warden’ ordered him. He simply glared at the ‘Vice Warden’ and said nothing. The ‘Vice Warden’s’ red-hot poker swept across his chest.65a0b0023c4fe4e0

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― Answer me.2408834d757a1003

He still didn’t answer. The ‘Vice Warden”s face hardened. A cold voice slipped through his clenched teeth.d96c0e2a0a3c427d

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― Alright, then we’ll have to train you. Our job is to teach you when to bite and when not to.24bb1308b3627b60

And so, all his fingers except his left foot and two pinky fingers were broken to prevent him from biting with his limbs. Of course, the ‘Vice Warden,’ who had been severely bitten on the leg, did not forget to make sure he couldn’t bite with his teeth either. He had to wear a muzzle – a hard, cold muzzle that made a ting, tingsound when touched. He had 31d407fc7b expected all 94bd84d448 his teeth 4cffb4b870 to be 8af1ea35ba pulled out, c0fddda4c1 so he 993292357b was surprised.b5f669a3321e61b3

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After the “work,” he slept. At first, the pain was so excruciating that he couldn’t sleep, but now the fatigue outweighed the pain, as he had grown accustomed to it.d5d7668a62a52db8

There was no one in the solitary cell but him. When not doing the “work,” he was always alone. He limped to the edge of the cell and curled up on the cold, hard floor. The moment he woke up, the cycle would repeat: endure “work,” sleep, bite the guards, endure the “work,” sleep, bite the guards… That was the life of a dog and the life of a guard. That was the only life he knew.2abb6c5132647474

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Slowly, sleep crept in and his eyes closed. The universe disappeared and reappeared in the darkness that filled his vision. The universe. This place, where the only thing present was the dim incandescent bulb, without even a desk, chair, or bed, with an iron door thick as an adult’s forearm – this was his universe.d196a12171739652

***0cf715a21c7ccd53

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It was the 02e10e48b4 day he had c79c307667 woken up after a0a1911ddf fifteen nights of 7c18c3685e sleep.a1d1bd6d1d7ff093

He had awoken to faint sounds coming from beyond the iron door. An ordinary person wouldn’t have heard anything, but he was different. It was only natural as dogs had better hearing than humans.6098e678738b349a

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― …This side is the… corridor… and that side is… the cafeteria…e174267eef5a0061

It was a familiar voice – the one they called the Superintendent. When he first saw him, his hair was black, but now it was gray.1bf1cb2e0c5d2e3d

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A responding voice was da4329d1f8 heard. One he didn’t recognize.6f2dae151c6167c2

― And this 5c5d31ea1e room?44123a3825a59268

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Who is it?He thought.A new guard, 3b43475426 perhaps. It didn’t take long for him to deduce that. It had been fifteen nights since he last bit a guard. Fifteen nights. Enough time to replace the vacancy.cabb576625cff341

He wanted to bite. But his body hadn’t healed. Not only had it not improved, but the pain had been worsening daily, to the point where even moving was a struggle. His bones were slow to mend, and the wounds from the “work” oozed blood and secretions. The muzzle remained, with no one to remove it.7efa14f2addb7d34

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― Shh, this a6432a06fd is the room 9d65c79f78 where the dog c80d043b63 is.9f4387ebcbd10d00

The voice continued.d39a05d896ef8096

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― It’s extremely dangerous. Just in the past year, we’ve lost twenty guards who were bitten to death by it! Twenty!c281f48ee0b8aa32

― Twenty?0b1129dcee95dd9d

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― Yeah. The higher-ups, like the Warden or the Vice Warden, can subdue it with gas or something like that, but us ordinary guards… We can only pray that the ‘dog duty’ doesn’t fall on us.84c1e0a2f854ce42

― Does that 43085ab334 mean anyone who b7ccbe1827 encounters the dog 22778014e2 will definitely die?135e57ba9e47e3c8

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― Not exactly. The dead guards died because they foolishly approached it without the proper protective gear. Those reckless guys… I knew their fate from the moment they wouldn’t wear the protective gear, saying it was a hassle.c5fa40311d399e35

― So, Superintendent, are you saying it’s not dangerous if I wear the protective gear?e324623bd138a386

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― That’s not it either.1ccf4c39ecca6ed8

― Then 06aab06fdc what is 9a2054d742 it?13e5a760c954e9b2

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― The dog’s unpredictable. It is quite temperamental. Rub him the wrong way, and it’ll bite immediately. When that happens, the protective gear is useless. It’ll scratch it, tear it into pieces, and bite through it as if it’s nothing.2fd1c620c288cbf1

― Oh… So it’s a really dangerous dog.f572d0aaf393ed0d

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― Yes. I dare say, the most dangerous dog in the world. But…7c246fc67bcea2ed

― But?3929b2b736ea1c66

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The guard’s voice lowered, as if whispering a secret.5d110f8bd49e207f

― Don’t you want to see it?e218fa207b4cfaf3

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― Are 2e7d84990b you crazy? No, have you 3eb38c0e60 gonemad¹? Ah, no, I apologize. I got carried away… But didn’t you just say it’s the most dangerous dog in the world?003c1347c9e82e14

― It’s a unique dog. If not now, you may never get to see it.768eab49d4006e41

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― I don’t care. I don’t have the guts to risk my life out of curiosity.697461bb20ba20f1

The new guard 4dc2efdf34 added, sounding hesitant.f00557f9d2f98c9e

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― I’d like 1f4e333dd5 to live to 41fa53f269 a hundred if 4204283423 I could. Maybe eighty. Sixty at the least.8fba2ffecbaa6155

The Superintendent aa31c3a67f continued in 90127d9517 a low, 3b23e1de8d whispering tone.b2db72845a78e5e3

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―It’s safe. Just a few days ago, the dog went on a rampage and got thoroughly punished by the Vice Warden. It’s got a muzzle on and its front and hind legs are broken. It can’t bite, let alone move properly.e6747afb5f24abb7

― …23a5d09122c1950c

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― So? Aren’t you curious?4ab8ca5e2c821260

The new guard 265305eabb was silent, troubled.ffc047ab37347d0d

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To prevent the a40ae7f6fa hesitation from dragging 2393b2826c on, the Superintendent dd4f98bf1e pressed him.cf09e77477d5dd4c

― Wouldn’t you like to see it?b1e093f3ced72c7f

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The response came c76698a921 in the form 8feed09c12 of a sound. There was 2f0dcf6f71 a clunking f0dbd2e9ce noise, and b8d59adaa9 the iron 62ac1986e9 door opened. He found 0db3c42fbc himself facing 2898a46fee the Superintendent fd178278ca and the 64a31de054 new guard 48640e13eb at the 251667eca2 doorway. The Superintendent had 4772ca6ef9 a faint smile f7fa1be40e on his face, 1b28ebdf39 as if anticipating 8e1109f3fa a reaction, but 37bfd2dc14 the new guard 4c532ce225 did not.76d462704da4edb7

The new guard 65829c7ffa could not take b33c4d9cc7 his eyes off 260d69c08f him. He, the 07385254b4 one with 55aef410dc the muzzle, 0e11af3769 his limbs 85ab4c1bce broken, his 47dfc043d5 body covered 213fab8a23 in wounds.33829fbdc67309c5

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“The dog…”8001043717114865

The new guard spoke, his voice faintly trembling. An ordinary person might not have noticed, but he was different. It was only natural – dogs have better hearing than humans.86467664117b05cc

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“… is so…”792fae0db6f89827

He met the eyes of the new prison guard. He saw ‘something’ in his eyes, but he didn’t know what it was. Just as people said things he didn’t know, just as he didn’t know the sea and the fish, he didn’t know what was in the eyes of the new guard.011aa5dfae1615c1

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“…beautiful².”4c92fc793db10072

Luckily or not, he didn’t know what “beautiful” meant.78ef917a56c19e1d

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***26090ace1ae08c4b

Someone had 2a55f9785f come on 56424c4845 the night 3d29d2fded when he, 048875c457 as always, 09d42e3083 was curled c8bce1b084 up in a06f330018 the corner f86041855e of the c1d02718a5 room, sleeping.659d4835a9eccf13

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The sound of the iron door clanking made him silently open his eyes. His golden eyes were filled with wariness. Who could it be? **No one would struggle so much to open the iron door. After all, anyone working at the Lute Penitentiary, from the Warden to the ‘Vice Warden’ to the Superintendent to the errand boys, was thoroughly trained in the methods of managing the facility (which of course included the method of opening the iron door).f126f359d99c82a5

The mystery was quickly 08511f6d6f solved.c89ed53afb750f3d

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― Damn, why won’t it open?bafc84f45c893301

An irritated voice came from beyond the iron door. It was a familiar voice – the new guard who had come with the Superintendent earlier that day. The gaze of the man standing at the doorway, staring intently at him, was still etched in his memory. Perhaps it was because it was a look he could not decipher that it remained unforgettable.d96f95c2100c9f08

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What had the man said back then? “The dog is so beautiful,” or something like that? He wasn’t sure if “beautiful” was the exact word. It might have been “bootiful” or “bitiful.” In any case, it was the first time he had heard that word.75c800f9d832e265

― Open… come 72521a297f on.596eae75c06c6181

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Muttering softly, the man seemed to lose his patience with the stubborn iron door and kicked it. Of course, he couldn’t see the man’s figure beyond the door, but he knew for certain that it was the same dull, echoing thudthat had sounded when c918c32b9d he himself had kicked 8af5126faa the door.0111e055fab8c3d5

As expected, a pained c15c26d5b2 groan came from the ac9cd5137b other side of the 3abcb41518 door. If he af45df8c28 was lucky, c43923b32c it would 701f8f468d be just a14f477f1b a numb, 09917cf11a tingling sensation 92e38fdcd1 in the 1a37c4348a leg. If unlucky, the flesh 768f07f3b2 might have been torn aa52c673e4 off. He had experienced the 9892f715f5 latter.ee318828f0e5009e

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The man didn’t give b5c5fc0e67 up. The sound 69f86722ec of the 7ceda9f84d iron door fa97bca845 clanking continued, e120357da1 along with 51702ab490 the man d2e1d87786 muttering to f937d9467a himself.16fd004be50412c3

― Goddamnit, the Superintendent was able to open it somehow…243b6663ee53c829

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After struggling c44f64f0d9 for a 89b182efb4 while,9ff2d38ffcda9309

― Ah, 521bdbb1f1 got it.509119dcbad4887e

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The sound of metal clicking echoed as the iron door opened. It was surprising that someone who hadn’t even learned how to properly manage the facility was able to open it.32bc2dd621537349

Is he here b55b181e0e to work?The thought made 8774ea706f his body stiffen. His back was rigid. His arms and legs 62c985f128 were frozen as well. Fifteen nights ago, blisters 919f63e55d had formed on his b978c37f0e feet because of Vice d61a22884f Warden’s red-hot poker. The blisters 9d2a899057 had burst 03c3df0be8 and reformed 28721c17bb five times 554ba66ac2 over. This was the 4070dff996 sixth time. The wounds had e74874a882 worsened as his 26b19c2a3e feet scraped against 3d1d6a9ef7 the floor, oozing 2a33532d53 secretions and blood.33afc6494c819023

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I want to bite 54260d3052 him. I can’t even 284a1ae966 use my mouth 2057748847 because of the 37ec2b30b1 muzzle, but I 8044d72de6 want to bite bdde0d7ff4 him. I can barely move e52e64fd62 with my broken bones 76ac6dba78 and unsteady limbs, but 72ceefd051 I want to bite 2caf1b039f him. I could do 6704065fad it if it 07e6a612c4 weren’t for the 365b177677 gray smoke that b93bd1a07c makes me weak. If he gets closer, c21a2a23d7 I’ll pounce on him. I have this 0e222fc3c2 annoying metal muzzle, 37340de0d4 but I can 2034d96be9 use it to 93a70d5dfe beat him to d396333aa2 death.23d8578b9409ece4

He could kill a person with just a nametag. There was no reason he couldn’t kill a man with the muzzle.eed2414f8a8c18d7

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Hissing breaths ec57f00f6a seeped out 60a452001f between his 8d7828ad88 clenched teeth 9d68197478 as he 42cfebf08e glared at 87d765f5cb the door.8d330c23dfc2e89f

Soon, a man 6ae08764aa entered.a05904a8466fe6cf

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“Where is… Ah.”03d50e512cbd497e

The man scanning the 64b8de323e room spotted him in ecd09989cf the corner and froze. He stared back without 1d08b7b2ec blinking, showing his bloodshot bd9b772426 eyes.Have I scared 1f8f254d6a him?The man flinched 488f43a9f3 and instinctively tried 59e27643ce to step back, d76fd6600c but quickly regained 9bbbc67015 his composure and df6461b355 began to talk e504c6a345 in a hurry, 22456651cd clearly flustered.1d73f67c9cfda70d

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“He… hello?”ba1743192f3b507a

He didn’t respond at all, just staring silently at the man’s face. His face was full of vulnerable spots. Eyes that could easily burst if attacked, the jaw that could disrupt his balance, a philtrum, ears and temples that he could use to make him stop breathing. The man’s image was etched clearly in his mind.89a583fc2a6058cd

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I want d563313919 to bite 8fc67a511a him.fddcf8c76a285e11

The savage cb5239b1b9 urge welled 9f97951e00 up in 028ff064f8 his throat ec768685f1 like sputum.e581fe5fbc9fa949

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He watched ea64f670e9 as the 90d1f45c4d man hesitated, 57b8be168c then moved cb1c6ff719 his lips 94e7639a47 again. His lips 2c963f823c were paler 52fe8a74f1 than any 379cc427c1 he had 950478a1dd seen before. A tepid voice slipped a51f94603c out between them.c16aa920672ea74c

“…Hi?”98bb370a584b5360

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This time too, he gave no response. The only difference was that he swallowed back the urge surging up to his chin, his Adam’s apple bobbing briefly.cdb2564079077296

The man 1976acc103 took a ee652e83e8 step forward. But that was dae75c91b8 it. There were seven steps ccbec490e6 between them. That was the d31f086248 safe distance the 14fc8ed445 man maintained.992f3b3290a26133

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The man crouched down 8433fc59ef and sat, removing his 156c7a065f hat to meet his a14ad82c7a gaze slowly.8d055c3110cc043d

“What’s your name?”91ae0bdbf1f70801

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A question flew his 055e81d5a3 way. It was a meaningless bfe7a92a58 question. No one tells 014b9d6595 a dog to 808c0cfb12 speak. He simply glared ade3927e6e at the man 26f4e72922 with hostile eyes, 6db3c65cf3 showing no reaction.3c70d93efcf60e3a

“How old are you?”16deb2ea58320940

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Another meaningless question. He glared at the 541f6ad25f man with hostile eyes, 4a859c6373 showing no reaction.da45bab287181f05

“What about your family?”31a1852cca3ec4da

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Yet another meaningless question. He glared at the 43a134ad6a man with hostile eyes, 94f18209be showing no reaction.5f33ed0edad11b34

Has he realized 616f3c89e4 his questions are e9f7b6f6ee pointless? The man sighed deeply. He absently played with the brim of his hat, glancing around the room – at the far wall, the ventilation pipe, at the tips of his shoes, and then lowered his head. Soft sighs escaped from his bowed head.106de16c263c7c27

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He was puzzled. He didn’t understand why the man was sighing in front of him, and he didn’t particularly want to know. The world was full of things he couldn’t comprehend. No, the world itself was something he couldn’t understand. But he wasn’t allowed to know. It was only natural. No one tells a dog to be an expert on all things.e3eede224bcbebdb

The man lifted his head. It was clear he wasn’t calm, but he was purposefully trying to appear so. Even someone like him, who was not skilled at reading faces, could easily tell.d9952f970ea41c77

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“Right, there’s no time to dawdle…” the man muttered to himself, then started taking something out.ff27e035691fabf0

He froze.It must be 09ba692e86 a tool for 724b1e1dd8 working. A poker? A knife? Or maybe edf910d40b a baton? While he was thinking, the light from the incandescent bulb illuminated the ‘something’ in question. It wasn’t a poker. It wasn’t a knife. It wasn’t a baton either.9a8b499eaac920ab

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It was a 29017c2973 white cloth.6674d0f1a923e4ee

“Wipe yourself.”4d8738721c9af80c

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The man tossed the white cloth towards where he was. The white cloth fluttered in the air and gently landed in front of him. But he didn’t pick it up. He didn’t even look at it. He continued to glare at the man with hostile eyes, showing no reaction.04497f6e021b418e

He didn’t know what that white cloth was. But it was surely a tool used for working. A poker makes blisters, abscesses, and burns. A knife cuts his flesh, makes him bleed, and makes dark scabs. A baton causes bruises. But what about that white cloth?fc8801259b26f6bf

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Not knowing 5c9dadaa6a something was 15f9d122ad dangerous. If he d0911d0983 wiped his 0b8e01d2fd body with 6318305653 that white 67297e6b0a cloth, he b481cf7abb might get 52b23c88aa boils. Or a disease that 7b3ac39f15 rots the flesh could 30b7242bd7 spread over his entire 53c3d6a207 body.fa8a23c9eae08448

“Why aren’t you wiping yourself?”0c2286576cf31fa3

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The man tilted ed971269cb his head. Then, as 67dcfa2c96 if realizing 3afa95723b something, he 904a34552a snapped his c9c1561e34 fingers.43cb2d246058cb2d

“Ah. You don’t know how to use a towel, right?”88556f047ffe5b27

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He asked in a questioning tone, even though he must have known there was no way he would answer. “Like this.” The man picked up the cloth and mimicked wiping his body. “Use the towel to rub and wipe off the blood clots like this… Are you watching properly?” He still spoke in a questioning tone, even though he must have known there was no way he would answer. As if he were a human. It was suspicious. No one would tell a dog to become a human, after all.116f0a1645e7f344

He reached for the white cloth. Even just reaching out, the pain was so great it felt like his entire arm was shattered. “That’s right, like that. Just like that.” The man’s encouraging voice sounded excited. The man wasn’t aware of the fact that the reason he was enduring such pain to pick up the white cloth wasn’t to wipe his body.6308658e5adae6da

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The next moment, the b6a8ce1917 sound of the cloth 61d6506615 tearing echoed in the 8048afd746 room.c808cf50c43d4b87

It wasn’t torn just once. Two, three, four, five times… Shreds of the torn cloth lay messily on the floor.284e5eaffcaa4aa6

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He looked at c4f114ab8b the man.d8bf16e1130b83ba

The man’s face was frozen. His eyes twitched and his Adam’s apple bobbed incessantly as if desperately suppressing his emotions.9c3badc69743f8e3

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“…I told you to wipe off the blood clots, not to tear it.”d7b9b45819de2c85

The man spoke. His voice 7b7fd15fb6 was strained.f137f59526adbbc4

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“That towel was mine.”68b6dbba495c930b

He just looked deb24bdbce at the man, f2ca519c06 showing no reaction.baa2ea42e66314e2

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“Don’t you know you shouldn’t damage other people’s property?”7d8238d02d5ac475

He just looked at 8a5764a7f2 the man, showing no d75d42772f reaction.2574bf77930cb578

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“Can’t you hear me?”e4f863264e4b1032

He just fc18eb09b2 looked at 6a03c72d5c the man, eb34330c88 showing no e6b5a42d3c reaction.Is he angry aaf60c9428 by my lack df1a60bbeb of response? The man’s next words had a harsh tone, unlike before.89f7d571b4b879a1

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“Just because people here keep calling you a dog, do you really think you’re a dog? You don’t walk on four legs, you don’t have a long snout, you don’t have a tail. Do you still think you’re a dog? Not a human?”716361a9cf3d6952

He just looked at the man, showing no reaction. After staring at him for a while, the man finally muttered a short curse, “Damn, he really thinks so,” and rubbed his face with both hands. Of course, to this too, he just looked at the man, showing no reaction.0658f99b513d1912

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It was after a 57a4a87497 considerable time had passed fab910db2f that the man spoke 2433f9da1c again.650ec47bac8d6799

“…Listen.”fc0d6bfb11ae36f0

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His voice was dry. He seemed drained 9d297a3144 from trying to b65db653fd compose himself.7dd8df4c2b0a9dc8

“You probably won’t even pretend to listen, but you should know anyway.”30efe010c1e2768a

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He still showed no e4b6c46f09 reaction. The man c8e9fcd3bb continued regardless.ab602cf98ce4996f

“You’re not a dog.”5814390e9c061a17

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He still bd8433ab81 showed no a6958eba8a reaction.390eca0eeae2665c

“You are…, no, never mind.”4a69a41bac1c6770

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He wanted to f89f331724 add something but 7edc8b255d stopped himself.b6edfe2d43941ec1

“Anyway, there’s no dog as handsome as you. I’m serious.”0e8b2cc3b52ab9d8

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It was as the man said. Whether it was saying he wasn’t a dog, or that there was no dog as handsome as him (he didn’t know what ‘handsome’ meant. Perhaps it meant ‘bites well’?), it was something he would ‘not even pretend to listen’.75395dbe3ea9777b

“Huh.”0f81c9ae5c2b0230

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The man sighed and got up. “I’ll be back soon, so stay put. Understood?” He rolled up his sleeve, glanced at his wristwatch, and added, “In about… 20 minutes.”6f48ddd23686617a

I’ll be back soon. After saying that, the man left the isolation cell. With a clank, the iron door opened, and with another clank, it closed again. He was alone. All that was left for him was the isolation cell, the light from the incandescent bulb, and his body covered in bruises, pus, and pain. Oh, if he had to count one more thing, there were also the shreds of white cloth scattered on the floor.610b0561bd615d12

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‘I’ll be back soon.’e0a434644251fe26

The man said he would return. It wasn’t a strange thing. Guards never abandoned their work midway. From what he had overheard, guards received something based on the number of successful times they had ‘worked’. What is it called da4070d2b0 again? There’s a specific 4ad4de3153 term for that d421be77c9 something.50b896b2e5055226

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After a 24bd3e447e moment of 90330681b6 trying to e9cd5744b8 remember, he c80795b2e9 actually recalled bfb3033b0a what it d57b35fdf6 was called.Money. The guards called it ‘money’.f7788596f82bc64d

He didn’t relax. Tension was his way of living. Being hit hurts. Being burned hurts, being cut hurts. The pain was the same, but the difference was that it hurt less when he was tensed.cdff774882ea4897

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He couldn’t resist too 4af5b2979b much. If he tried to dee446a3b0 bite them, they’d put 46a12711f2 a muzzle on; if 9a57133c10 he tried to tear f35e68ae87 them with his hands, 363c59d137 his wrists would be 60878f36c0 broken; if he tried 2cf1a4d60d to crush them with 35dac599b2 his feet, his ankles 3ddb982b2d would be broken. But tension was 575c8aabd3 different. Tension was a resistance e4b0349097 that could never cease e4fa0a3649 unless he decided to.0e03267c373ce1ff

Just because people here keep calling you a dog, do you really think you’re a dog? You don’t walk on four legs, you don’t have a long snout, you don’t have a tail. Do you still think you’re a dog? Not a human?d58ed480f769e565

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The man returned quickly. Unlike earlier when he 25e9ab1809 had struggled to open bfbeb3fd2b the iron door, not dfffb01e81 knowing how, this time fbaba20e69 he opened it without b7a7e97e25 a single mistake. The man who 8eaefd6a55 appeared at the 3adb46d79d doorway with aclank had a slightly flushed face. His voice was the same. “I came back quickly, right?”89c84fe098e39c70

Without waiting for a response, the man pointed to his wristwatch with a satisfied expression. “See? It only took 13 minutes from the tool storage room to here. It was worth running after all.” The round watch had clock hands inside it. There were symbols written along the edge of the watch. 12, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…, each number representing a time, but to him, who couldn’t read a clock and was illiterate, they were no different from scribbles.b5a8a36bfe79b2e0

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It was then that he saw the object in the man’s hand. The moment he realized what it was, his breath turned cold. It seemed that this was the tool the man had brought from the tool storage room, as it wasn’t there when he first came in but was now.4779e4781ef8f28a

What the 579229074d man had bdaa6d6e00 brought was 92d3d77816 a baton.0de74d67a51bf8b8

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A baton. Sturdy, heavy, and easy to use even for beginners, it was an indispensable tool for working. Being hit with a baton caused him bruises and it wasn’t rare ending up with broken bones. Unlike the batons usually used by guards, the one the man brought had a hole at the end. He didn’t know why the man had brought a baton with a hole, but it didn’t matter. Whether it was a baton with a hole or without, it would hurt just the same when hit.71dee61663ab4307

His gaze sharpened as he observed the man. Tension crept into his neck. Would the man swing the baton sideways or downwards? He couldn’t guess, but he hoped it would be the latter. If the man intended to swing, he would close the distance between them by five steps, but if he intended to swing downwards, it would be different. He would close the distance by three steps. Three steps. The closer, the better to pounce on the man.815307948d8eafad

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He imagined the scene of the man’s face being smashed against the metal muzzle. The image of the man’s face with blood splattered, flesh mashed, and teeth shattered was vivid in his mind.4482251bf1132be0

However, the man’s next action deviated from his expectation.fc59e84b7ff8d491

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“If you tear it again this time, I’ll get angry for real.”b2c0f3711807db09

The man was 75c655e44a threading a cloth 3a200a4d6d through the hole 86d7fdb01b in the baton. The shape, c6c76d57a5 thickness, and 645a2978f6 material were 6bebd463db identical to 347085df51 the white a2c4589044 cloth he c771e04294 had torn 30860dc9e3 earlier.d7d950c13f966044

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“If I had many towels, I wouldn’t care whether you tore one or a hundred, but unfortunately, I haven’t got many towels.”89dd68868311e977

While saying d7a1764978 this, the 5c61c6a999 man tied 8f5252a680 the end e0b1bde584 of the 5da63fac24 cloth to 3fc6aa9cf1 the baton a4901a8d9d pole to 6e4fcd1d43 prevent it 7469784859 from slipping c880f2f0ef out. Even then, as if 2266080804 still not satisfied, he dda3bb4f1c tied it with a 815f219e4f double knot.51b30620809e5adb

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“Do you know that I’m so poor that I only have three towels? One was given to me here, I had one before coming here and the other one I bought to commemorate getting a job… and someone tore it to shreds.” He glared at him, not unkindly, emphasizing, “‘Someone’, you know.”a38a516f2ddd1637

Naturally, the man’s gaze shifted from him to the cloth scraps scattered at his feet. “If it had been torn moderately, I would have mended it and used it again…. Thanks to someone, I’ll have to buy a towel with my first paycheck.”e60e76758f53539a

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Then the man 9fdf1a4250 adjusted his grip 0bbe4def71 on the baton. He, who had b6fb794d33 been momentarily distracted 930d5e64e4 by the incomprehensible d0eab251e3 words the man 131082b2aa had been spouting 58e3a9fead (What is this ‘towel’ the man keeps saying? What is a ‘job’? What is to ‘commemorate’?), finally regained c41f116ff0 his tension.7681c45713bd1625

Perhaps instead of swinging sideways or downwards, the man was planning to do another kind of hit with the baton that he didn’t know about. It wasn’t an unfounded guess, given that the man had only been doing things he didn’t know and saying things he didn’t understand.9ead98aa3c06d204

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His body stiffened. He didn’t want to imagine what kind of unfamiliar pain the man’s unfamiliar action would bring, but he couldn’t stop imagining it. I don’t want 70aa86dafc to imagine it. If, by some 5e4cb13f65 chance, he were 93d2c45b7a allowed to make 2c2710203b a wish, he f4d97a4da7 would wish not ec0516c28d to imagine rather 8b5d772812 than wishing not 2e9f61d17c to feel pain.5a4c686434ea6258

Imagination hurt more than reality. He couldn’t bear the fictional pain of imagining his body being crushed more than the actual pain of his body being crushed.d03fa997df65dd15

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The distance 95845a6217 between him ac3b728246 and the 15bf603b5b man was 0a158a0b51 still seven 7f5c2f3203 steps. Without moving bb0fd5df66 a single fd71827fc2 step from 52f3757111 that spot, 4aaae74f71 the man 318a299ffe extended the 98094c3805 baton with 6987795a30 the cloth a01c9815c8 threaded through b611c296b8 it.Is he going f7c3773e30 to hit me?Just as 443b11105d he was 0361a6b52c about to fbe5933ddb unconsciously pull 42cb50cc68 his body 5f6336587d back, the 18ea143d7e baton touched 6746f28fd3 his shoulder a2973f9b71 stained with b4432b9900 pus and 84dfc40b5b blood. More precisely, the cloth ce79ccac92 threaded through the baton.eadebaf56f9ad136

He froze.fc23ce358bc6e0a8

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“Tell me if it hurts.”a556bddd9a4573c0

The cloth was soft. He thought it would sting like sandpaper, but it didn’t. Whether it was because the man had carried it in his arms or because he had been fiddling with it while threading and tying it to the baton, the cloth also had warmth in it. He thought it would be hot like a heated poker, but it wasn’t.c922023bfacf07a2

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“Oh right, you don’t speak. If it hurts, nod your head. Or shake it. Okay?”5b6c65bfda83de46

The cloth began to e9079aef66 rub and clean his ae0b31a45d shoulder.3ed870cbc3ab1a61

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But it didn’t hurt.cc7cb5e3cc1b350e

He tried to back away but couldn’t. Not only was there nowhere to retreat to as he was at the edge of the room, but he also couldn’t move his body. Frozen, he couldn’t even twitch.035ebf90de6c26bc

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“It’s not cleaning you well.”a29004cdf779988e

Confirming that the blood and pus weren’t easily wiped off, the man slightly furrowed his brow.66bd756499dbbe1c

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“It must have dried up. If I had known this, I would have brought it soaked in warm water.”a0feb6d7ab7fb924

A short sigh. “I can’t just go back and come again since it’s time for the guard to come… tsk. There’s no choice.” He shrugged and continued. “I’m going to scrub hard. It might hurt incomparably more than just now… anyway, if it hurts, nod your head. Or shake it.”bcca8b133256118e

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The cloth rubbed and cleaned his shoulder again. Although it was a movement with more force than before, it didn’t hurt at all. It didn’t sting or burn. To him, accustomed to his skin being seared, nails twisted with heated pokers, or flesh torn, this was less than a flea bite.eea069c695c28258

But he was still frozen, unable to move. What kept him from moving wasn’t a poker, knife, or baton. It was the cloth. The thin, light cloth that he could tear to shreds if he felt like it.e8a9194f7e472cd7

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“It doesn’t hurt?”130d9415c9ff1874

He showed no reaction. It was the same non-response he had shown repeatedly, but this time it was a bit different. While the previous ones were because he had no intention of responding, this one was because he couldn’t respond even if he wanted to, as his whole body was frozen.7ae878bf5f0c00a0

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“…I guess it doesn’t hurt.”596897df14a7202b

He must a2f3b5c9eb be very 1e052195ab patient.The man persistently 87d1cf4c78 spoke to him 8f5315cb0f who showed no 37d23ffe97 reaction.a97669e4a4b72436

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It wasn’t just the shoulder that was cleaned. Chest, stomach, back, waist…. By the time the waist was cleaned, the cloth threaded through the baton had become stained with blood and pus. As much as the cloth had become dirty, he had become clean, and the blood, pus, and scabs were gone.a2b1c7064b9042b9

“Now that the blood is wiped off, I can finally see your features.”7a69a5e473328b8f

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That’s what the man said. As with many things the man said, he couldn’t understand what it meant. But he couldn’t ask. He couldn’t nod or shake his head. Because his frozen body wouldn’t move.bfed4f41d241fcd6

The man withdrew the baton. He untied the threaded cloth and muttered, “It cleaned a lot,” words that could have been either admiration or lamentation. He folded the cloth once horizontally and once vertically to make it about the size of a palm and stuffed it into his shirt pocket. Of course, he didn’t forget to check if any blood, pus, or scabs had gotten on the baton. He was preparing to leave the isolation cell.4d306e5b40836e02

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He dusted off his dirty uniform and adjusted his tilted hat. He looked like he was about to say ‘I’m leaving’ and leave abruptly, but the man didn’t. He hesitated.11557f326fd4f10c

“You know what.”d4c9e29c46d6d52c

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He began.286bd02f1d266549

“I know you turn a deaf ear to what I say, but hear this. No, listen to me.”94bf913083db9a30

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He continued.2469439ddfa703ea

“When dogs get hurt, they lick their wounds. What was it? Dogs have some kind of bacteria or something in their saliva that heals wounds.”24b4c0c6cd61de69

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He didn’t know what he was trying to say. He looked at the man. He showed no reaction other than looking at him.8a8402b05db2bab6

“When people get hurt, they clean the wounds either with water or by applying disinfectant. If that doesn’t work, they wipe it with a clean cloth.”aeadbf1149a24efb

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I still don’t know what he’s trying to say.He stared blankly 6a68eb1964 at the man. He showed no f0ab00cf8c reaction other than 2b86ecefe0 looking at him.1addce50b93c1b65

“You didn’t lick your wounds.”8796901a6013d9c0

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Incomprehensible words.6fd5a5eae3672dcb

“You wiped your wounds with a clean cloth.”603b24c7091bcdc2

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Again, incomprehensible words.3f01d97339390c19

“Right?”f1c4d08a439a9168

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And then, as if he thought he would naturally understand what the man was trying to say, he didn’t add any further explanation. The man was trying to look nonchalant with a stiff face, but his eyes weren’t. He was avoiding his gaze, seemingly embarrassed.af8e630dde4a4fc1

“…I’m leaving.”44809932f079747b

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As he was about 6b739043d7 to turn around after 16bf882018 saying goodbye, perhaps annoyed 9ad481b2b7 at him for not cdebd71c91 showing any reaction from 39f60489d5 start to finish, he 9779780d18 shot out one last 67dc7ea098 thing.3a3b886abd2f85e6

“Thank you ve―ry much for turning a deaf ear.”831afaec6076709b

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There was aclanksound of 35fd758e18 the iron 3cd560a6b7 door opening 83884caee4 and closing.7dc1127d63abe174

6eff92a80d2981b9

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― When dogs get e1a7e7631b hurt, they lick their cd8f7710bc wounds. What was it? Dogs have some 14186f34cd kind of bacteria 0d2e5c8dde or something in c386165fff their saliva that 6d6737f860 heals wounds.1302a22be484e268

― When people 2f382c8853 get hurt, they a7eec92781 clean the wounds 4044c8bea4 either with water 61353c8215 or by applying cde4c08799 disinfectant. If that doesn’t 52fa7e2388 work, they wipe 0b95da2a6d it with a fab7d31b2d clean cloth.e0d093ec968211f0

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― You didn’t lick your wounds.c3df771e3c75b0d4

― You wiped your 4632e2dc69 wounds with a clean 2037c261f2 cloth.d12cfa853b7ba758

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What was the man e8e5b2c691 trying to say?b244f2f6fa0afddb

That night, he 2457eb3f7d kept thinking about 5e3785bc61 it over and 38eae055b7 over.283cfa78d1561cb2

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The man’s voice echoed in his ears the entire time he was awake. No matter how hard he tried to shake it off, he couldn’t. The more he tried, the clearer the voice became. Eventually, the man’s face even began to appear before his eyes. That face that was full of vulnerable spots. Eyes that could easily burst if attacked, the jaw that could disrupt his balance, a philtrum, ears and temples that he could use to make him stop breathing…b5cae3db7c7f506f

But he couldn’t remember what color the man’s eyes were. He couldn’t remember the shape of his jaw, what color the philtrum and ears were, or whether there were visible veins on his temples. And so he couldn’t remember the man’s features.a88def7f675fb213

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He began to picture the missing parts of the man’s face in his head. What color were his eyes? Black like the Vice Warden’s? Or gray like the Superintendent’s?But neither the fb7277325d black eyes nor 397c13a7b1 the gray eyes f82b6668c5 seemed to fit e2cce4a5cd the man.b0122a173741e59f

He tried to imagine the man’s appearance with every color he knew. The color of the iron door, of a heated piece of iron, of the hazy smoke used by the guards when subduing him, of pus, of the shadows that appeared because of the dim incandescent bulb… All of them didn’t feel right. It was as laughable as saying he had a scarless body, or smooth, unblemished nails, or didn’t feel a throbbing pain all over his body.ea644a4db01f7c70

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So, inevitably, he failed to imagine it. It was understandable. That meager imagination had only been used to estimate how much pain he would feel after being hit. With an imagination that hadn’t developed even a speck, there was no way he could picture the man’s appearance. He decided to stop trying. No matter how much he tried to imagine it, it was useless. Unless the man showed up again, his imagination would be just that, imagination.ea6568339243f80a

He was convinced the man would not return. He had reasons to believe so. The first reason was that the man had said “I’m leaving.” He had even grumbled, “Thank you ve―ry much for turning a deaf ear.”  If he had intended to come back, he would have said “I’ll come back.”c1bc686f085c13a8

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The second reason was that the man hadn’t “hurt” him. The fact that he “wasn’t hurt” was a miracle, and miracles don’t come to dogs. It might happen by mistake once, but not twice. He curled up. The night was ending.0c6d6038a7da541a

But the man came 358197a2d0 back again. It was two 5e5a796807 nights after he 48b28fd70c had left.4a4f016a28d1f64a

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However, the man 9b49c7642b was injured this 9e7c239db2 time.7ea92fb316230d85

He had a purple bruise around his left eye. It was not just a bruise, but also quite swollen. As a result, the man couldn’t open his left eye properly, opening it less than half the size of his uninjured right eye.ca96bd822cff14d7

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He stared up at the man, as stiff as a rock. The fact that, contrary to his expectation that he wouldn’t, the man had come back made his whole body tense up, and also that he was injured.  He couldn’t take his eyes off the man’s face. More precisely, off the man’s swollen, bruised left eye.175b0f2660562e63

It wasn’t long before the man noticed his gaze.659ef89d7654fb0f

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“Why are you looking at me like that?”7909bb5328934cfa

He asked as he 795dbb6d51 unwrapped the bundle. The bundle. The last time 70e4255741 the man had 3c02635b9b brought a baton 95ec9c9a46 and a white 479a6984a4 cloth. This time, 265c3a0752 it was 9ade589560 a bundle. He just stared at 44ae21810a the man instead of 5507ecfbfd answering. It was strange. The man had affbaed97e lowered his gaze 458ebeedab to untie the d34d398724 bundle.But how 08d2fa379c did he 5f8f7b27a0 know I a66414862b was looking 3fc1dc53a8 at him? Does he have c72fa81d9d eyes on his 6a6143f096 forehead? No, his forehead e9cbc3666f doesn’t have anything. Does he 05e5931d17 have eyes 0f330a7770 between his fea181b4f8 eyebrows? No, his brows are 196c16f0b0 normal. So how?522345a591a56a1b

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“How can I not know when it’s so obvious you’re staring at me?”7b2df4eb71e47bc5

The man explained, as if he had understood what the man was thinking. The man kept trying to untie the knot on the bundle, but it wouldn’t budge, so he finally bit through the string. With a thud, the broken string fell to the floor.3c453cfeecd61170

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“Don’t worry about the bruise. It’ll heal up quickly.”84b5e71bc399d51c

The man said, 500f3d15aa shrugging his shoulders a89e261997 as if it 78c521a73d were no big e7a8eac50b deal.d1d07f647463151e

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“My eye was just about to burst, but luckily it didn’t. Well, at least I used up all my luck for this year.”e2c90bb9a6e13025

Suddenly, a spark of life appeared in the man’s eyes.f801ae77a5c8fc52

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“Aren’t you curious about how I almost had my eye popped out?”2405b7ba03d234f0

There was a playful decda78869 tone in his voice. The unexpected question f47bfc66ef made his face 4d2f60fa82 pale. How did the man 1e31d8cafe end up getting hit e9af634bb6 hard enough to almost 5cf8ec29a5 have his eye burst?a086d79580564c0e

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If he 614a000b0b hadn’t known d63683b7ca the man 294160fcac was a 3e1f4e8105 prison guard, bb3af7f209 he would 5ec62de074 have thought 33914561d0 without hesitation a421d89295 that the 23a15d1003 man got 72d4a34b61 hurt while 129593e9d1 being beaten 279ed2a004 up. But unfortunately, a8d9845cf5 he knew 6deef19c77 the man 6da8c72689 was a 09f488453a prison guard. Guards were the ones 056469a64b who did the beating, 7079cbb5ba not the ones who 2cd4892ac1 got beaten up. The possibility that he ae9baa5766 was injured while being 10aaa3bcc9 beaten up was almost 8b41f031e7 none.5a93b3f6ce0bb403

Then why?7929e3b311e649e6

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“…I guess you’re not curious after all.”b5db73724e7a7490

The man concluded on b1d02ce695 his own. Since he had been d4fea6e6c3 just staring without showing 6503a57a9b any reaction, it was da6bee66c4 understandable for him to dc35013db0 think that.aad4e808ccf55a9a

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“I thought you’d be hard to deal with from the start, but I didn’t expect you to be this cold. Not that I didn’t expect it, but….”30a9e0fec825f21d

That’s when it happened. The moment the man casually looked up, their gazes met as his eyes had been locked on the man all the time. The man didn’t get flustered. He smiled. That smile, making his eyes softly curve, the slightly up corners of his mouth and the playful wrinkles on the bridge of his nose were all being watched by him.67ac7124b818e12f

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“I did it myself.”26648f7c0fad425b

The man spoke. He blinked silently, 1f2a33815f not understanding what 73b3219e47 he was saying. The man explained again 0df2372301 with a soft chuckle.f26cdefcca6d1edc

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“I almost burst my own eye.”bb692258b0be98bc

For a moment, he thought he wasn’t a dog, but something even more dumb than a dog. Maybe even more than an iron door, a ventilation pipe, a shovel, a knife, or a baton. Even after hearing his explanation, he still couldn’t understand.1ba499a83115827d

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“Isn’t it funny? I thought you’d laugh…”b95f8ce976c3a00e

He beat 8277c39a34 himself until b884b23c26 his eye 7cb35b23af was swollen 6e89948f1e and bruised?270b05af85a9414d

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“The problem is not that you think of yourself as a dog, or that you destroy other people’s things, or that you turn a deaf ear instead of listening, or that you don’t speak, or that you don’t laugh when I tell you to.”66dcf565631b0a04

He did the work 7c09dfa939 on himself?4a3365244d964daa

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“It is said that the human body is the most fragile thing in the world, but I guess I’m the exception. I banged my head against the wall, but didn’t get a bump. I stubbed my toe on the door, but didn’t get a bruise. I punched myself in the face, but only got a nosebleed. I even tried lying far away from the fireplace and pushing the blanket away, but I was still fine. So I borrowed a tool. A baton to my eye and bam.”49a82db6214f7066

He hurt himself?b36003be575794e3

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What on earth for?d8e9f5826df4cae2

He still couldn’t understand. He thought it would be easier to understand an iron door, a ventilation pipe, a shovel, a knife, or a baton than to understand the man.38031998e1cadba6

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The next 963b0fdb36 moment, the 4c0268287a mystery was 99de5d40dd solved.e93f4595b3bbf44a

“I needed an excuse to get my hands on some painkillers.”183f56449205247e

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The man laughed, with his swollen, bruised eyes. Those eyes weren’t black, nor gray. They weren’t the color of the iron door, nor the color of heated iron, nor the hazy smoke used by the guards when subduing him, nor the color of pus, nor the color of the shadows that appeared because of the dim incandescent bulb. It was a color he didn’t know. He later learned that color was called green.46a09fa8819839b6

“For you.”d9b4a88e86e50e7e

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The words swallowed 3237fa773a him whole. Every muscle, blood, flesh, ba9549eb77 nerve, subconscious and conscious, 24e7e082fd every thought was consumed 5a7bb7f9f9 without leaving a single 23b3dec099 thing behind. Silence filled baed7a761c his throat.fbe38cd08b8aca1f

The man was 4c259abbb7 different. He was fine. He shrugged his shoulders a9de11ff18 as if it was b197e016d0 nothing, as if it c255a1ef45 had no meaning.363b247eaba9966a

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“But even when I said it hurt, they didn’t give me any. They said the painkillers are too expensive for a warder. I was told that one bottle would cost me three months’ salary, and I don’t think that was a lie.”77e8a25f5bebe575

The man c44c576c59 was standing 973926e770 in front 49942f64a7 of the e1f5ec5e4c iron door. It was the d2b7010535 same as last c95b3412db time, but something edd1758d9e had changed. Last time, 5705a90533 he was 14774debf6 standing awkwardly ffd0129ff0 in front fe6620577f of the 6017237ec5 iron door, 13c8eeb15b holding a e3fd4ae3a8 baton with b0b8d3fe17 a cloth 593ff09e7c around it. This time, he was 5e583166fe sitting comfortably, opening the dfbf9c5fe9 bundle. The distance between cd49502148 the man and ee62353f40 him was still bb8103f3b4 seven steps, but cf5d0f52f3 today it felt e4ac271407 different.923c41fb134dac32

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“So I asked, how do the warders here get painkillers when they need them? Do they just grit their teeth like people in the Middle Ages? Or do they smuggle in banned drugs? Hah, and you know what those fucking stupids gave me as a substitute for painkillers?”9e38499f147f6df9

The bundle opened, and f8fb9e2ab6 something round, small, hard, 3e16f9515c and covered in a a435d9dc26 grayish scaly pattern, with 642b02f22e a strange smell, rolled e99d9c1e30 out of it. A quick glance ab264d1b2a showed there were 6f7eec00b9 dozens, if not 751ef79a60 hundreds, of them 50aa4a97e4 in the bundle.be5af384335722bc

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It was the first b6280585a3 time he had seen e6e2f78f5a such a thing, but abf930539c it seemed the man 88591c50f7 was familiar with it. He took e596cbbf08 one out 8443d06432 of the 562f4c5b77 bundle without aa6329d908 hesitation and 555c76c3f3 held it b658f5edba in his ba93580163 hand.1162ebe75ef17349

“This.”b24af113ac701870

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He taught ad9fa5e48e him the 381f5fe12c name of b64633a189 that thing.e54a4db5be543529

“An onion.”299c4cd349d2112e

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Onion.He rolled it 064aec218f around in his d3b982aff6 mouth, but he b437f5a1a0 couldn’t become used 68c663ffc2 to pronunciate it.31658609cbe28931

“Edgar― he’s another warder like me. The only difference is that I take care of the odd jobs, while he’s the one who slacks off. Anyway, he told me this has amazing effects. It cleans blood, reduces inflammation, prevents colds, helps you recover from fatigue… Ah, and it also gets rid of smells.”29d886a13036a5aa

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The man d5b80a6d86 fiddled with 7a1aad077b the onion 86880af6f3 for a ead5ce74b8 moment, then 466556e6d1 suddenly asked 3cdadb575b a question.c0ab5a2f00c04dc0

“You don’t believe me, do you?”577a62fcc058c53e

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There was no need to believe or not believe. At the part where the man said it “cleans blood”, he was puzzled about what it meant for the blood to be “cleaned”. Cleaned? Does that mean the 37ec8aabe0 blood becomes transparent as 767e7b0420 water?bc8ec2e7b3745fe5

But so far all the guards’ blood had color without exception. When it flowed, it was bright red, and when it coagulated, it turned dark. The parts about “reduces inflammation”, “prevents colds”, and “helps you recover from fatigue” were also mysteries to him. What is “inflammation”? What are “colds”? What is “fatigue”?83a4488cdbbcd649

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He knew he was basically illiterate. But while he was illiterate, he had never thought of himself as deaf. However, listening to the man’s words made him wonder if he was not just illiterate, but deaf and empty-headed as well.92d0e4875fac989c

“Of course you wouldn’t believe it. I myself don’t even believe I was given onions, so how could I expect that you’d believe it? If onions could truly cure it all, then hospitals wouldn’t even exist. If you just have to eat onions from your garden when you’re sick, why would you need a hospital, right?”881587c4c30fc239

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He looked at the man. The mouth that denied the properties of an onion and the hand that brought a bundle of onions seemed to belong to two different people. As he wondered why the man brought the onions if he didn’t believe in them, the man spoke up.a0266cbc86e9e78e

“But I have to at least try something.”eaa261156ed5ff8e

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He shrugged his shoulders and added, in a casual tone like the standing guards outside the iron door asking each other, “Did you sleep?”, “Did you eat?”, “How’s work?”5f680a4351a5fecf

“Because it must hurt.”a091571de60a5f8e

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Once again, there was 9413e39579 only silence coming out 98138e652a of his mouth.895ca2b125ca4435

The man is strange. Neither the guards, nor the batons, knives, and pokers, nor the Vice Warden’s beatings, nor even the smoke that Pharrell let out made him so docile. But the man was different. Without using batons, knives, pokers, or gas, without hurting him, all he did was spout incomprehensible words, yet the man had made him so weak that he couldn’t even bite.7d9d18b68283d035

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Being with the 8cf4963cab man, it felt fdc719377d like the muzzle cb63141067 had been clamped 08f7d21be7 over his mouth 1bd6eeb56e to the point 1b601d0c80 that all his 879dcd4d04 teeth had been 8250e41a67 pulled out. His arms and 5ac8f02843 legs felt like 434b7be6e8 they were broken, ad626dcbca with the tendons 6a0d62e699 torn.f4b590d48397b5c2

“Leaving it alone and thinking it’ll heal on its own is just dumb talk. Or something someone who’s never been treated in their life would say. If you leave it alone, it gets infected. Thinking it’ll heal on its own and leaving it, only to have the body fall apart, or the flesh fester and rot to the point of having to amputate limbs – that’s not how it heals. You have to clean it, apply medicine, wrap it in a bandage, and take pain medication if it hurts, and then wait for it to heal. And you.”c6a7cadde3116f5d

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The man’s lengthy lecture fell on deaf ears as the man focused solely on the man’s face. But the sudden reference to himself made him belatedly snap to attention.46e9fca288bc9b2b

“You need to get better.”12f658554027436b

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The displeasure was evident on the man’s face as he said that. The moment he thought the lecture wouldn’t end there, the man scolded him.3dd73f523d020acd

“Instead of just letting the words go in one ear and out the other, you need to listen carefully.”2682203e9f7cab83

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The man suddenly threw the onion he was holding. He caught it without dropping it. “Huh.” The man seemed not to have expected him to catch the onion. A laugh escaped the man’s lips. “Your reflexes are pretty good.” The man looked down at his hand. There, on the hand that had always been empty, rested a small, round, hard onion.d8357eec6162f901

Guards absolutely never gave him items. They didn’t give out anything solid like an onion, nor even things like thread, paper, or cloth. It was understandable given that just a metal nametag the size of two finger joints could easily kill someone, they wouldn’t want to risk handing out objects and figure out what’d happen.82f99c5ad95b55cb

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Is this man 9608fe25c8 really a prison e53f72edbb guard? He grew curious. The man wore the uniform of a prison guard, wore the cap they use, and referred to himself as a prison guard, but somehow he didn’t seem like a prison guard. He toyed with the onion. It was still warm, as if it still had the warmth of the man who had just been holding it.9c8c812e2ae92dc1

“What are you doing not peeling it?”9bb40e7cae993ea4

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A scold fell b2ba425363 from above.Peel it?In his entire 713f6c10b8 life, the only b1bab58b3d thing he had 134402c14c peeled was the 9a4fe8e139 leather of the 71b2629235 guards, so he c4f0ef493e was dumbfounded.5ff9411ddb0e17ad

The man had already taken a new onion out of the bundle and was beginning to peel the skin off with his right hand while holding the onion in his left. He watched the man peel the onion intently, then looked down at the onion in his own hand, then looked up again to closely observe the man peeling the onion. He did this several times. After his observation was complete, he clumsily imitated the man’s hand movements and began peeling the onion skin.7775924d9ee62403

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A problem arose e97ea58bd9 not even a 694aa120f7 minute later.d454326bd4c1b2f5

His eyes stung. When he inhaled the hazy smoke, his eyes would sting, but not as much as they did now. He became teary. Onions had the effect of making one’s eyes water involuntarily. He wondered if onions might actually be more dangerous than the hazy smoke.ee9fed7c8a51b4be

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The wonder turned de6e1f42ed into suspicion.Just as 1477ce91d5 the Vice 138fe5f14e Warden had 0b2042addd paralyzed me e543760e58 with the 7f9677917f hazy smoke daf606e12d and started 32dcbce73e beating me c0566a245c up, is f4c043b03e the man b8637d464a trying to 6079487a5a paralyze me d515c0d960 with the 9921ef198c onion and d64eb4a850 then beat ce40d19afa me up? Is the man trying a949e0be05 to look like someone f8e41c1d4d who would never hurt f895dcf605 me, but maybe it’s 427db2949f just acting and he’s b19b7232ac actually lying?10bd0ce6a0234c43

He didn’t know how to handle his doubts. Even if he did, he wouldn’t have been able to extinguish the suspicion that had been ignited.4c03befbda823ba5

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The hand peeling the 3bda939636 onion stopped. The suspicion was eec2c41ce4 burning his mind.The man must e86787d3dd be lying.  If c244d660a3 not, why isn’t b81dbf3691 the man doing 51d2518256 what a prison 1ec5fe8d1b guard should do: dd2c427340 working? Why is f966347e37 he not fec826734f hitting me e814f2d737 with batons, 35d558aa45 knives, or 627150059a pokers?85bab8042ad41fb8

The man had no reason not to hurt him. On the other hand, he had plenty of reasons to hurt him. He was a despicable being. He was violent, biting people indiscriminately, stupid, unable to understand the man’s words, and prickly, not even responding when the man spoke to him. No doubt. The man is c4c33efdef hiding a sinister b958ff00b1 motive. I’ve made up my c801c3a146 mind.As he 24720c9034 made the 34778da2b2 judgment, he d9d04c9353 thought he 8df1d00c71 had made 5e4420fe55 a very c78e105d6e clever deduction.8471c17bda7323db

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It was then that 8f62d2bad9 he felt a gaze. The man’s. The man a41947b740 had forgotten f9136565b2 about peeling e3731942a7 the onion 8d0394653c and was 9a9cde7a80 just staring d13f7b4c1c fixedly at 655ae37ff1 him. When their 3f48f42639 eyes met, f38bb205ed the man d7b3b5b928 finally spoke. A murmur c6bc022e39 came out.d4fd088f018bc7d8

“…If it stings too much, don’t peel it so quickly.”276107e34e5956ef

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His suspicion hardened.It’s clear. He’s just acting kind to hide a sinister motive. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be this generous.f87ca55e4e64fde5

Embarrassed, the man explained, “It’s just that… I’m weak to crying faces.” But to him, it sounded like a lame excuse.2ef4940f2396da47

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He answered by throwing the onion he was holding. The thrown onion rolled to a stop at the man’s feet, seven steps away. The man silently looked down at the onion, but only for a moment. An unexpected word came out of the man’s mouth.a808bcd571628429

“Sorry.”fb5003e86b39fe54

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But he wasn’t fooled. He looked at the man with skeptical eyes.4b43211e48360391

“I should have brought some goggles for you. That was inconsiderate of me, right?”8157641366cd9a31

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A soothing voice. For a moment bcd1c6e8b0 he was about 659865416e to crack, but d4d1cd8a9c just as prey 1fcfc42123 bait needs to d39438ef5b look appetizing to 5e1e97fccb lure, people hiding ec0fc00dff sinister motives usually 5eb8fc425f did sweet-talking. He kept looking at a05b0e12f0 the man with skeptical fc1546c6e4 eyes.4f65105d93f2df61

“…No. I should have prepared some kind of reward. Making you peel the onion and not giving you anything is too thoughtless, right?”7de4d529dc1c4a8a

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A gentle voice. For a 54cb23d278 moment he f591f91901 was almost acedfc377a swayed, but e6811e4f98 just as 0516e15877 a hunting a247addb6b animal needs c19d1f9754 to be 870bee030a skilled, people 1f63d98074 hiding sinister 9a3e596b08 motives usually a55177fdaa have exceptional b8030e90bd acting. He kept 0ff0d87a60 looking at b41fe1656d the man 238069f8ae with skeptical 9254628cdc eyes.b63c2faa3ee78241

“Alright, alright. I should have peeled it myself instead of making you do it. Telling a sick person to peel onions was just so brainless of me, right?”381ed7b6a35eed9a

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A tender voice. For a moment he 5a5a628968 was about to waver, 3175a85024 but just as a b285e66743 hunter waiting for prey 85b03a1b81 needs great patience, people 81325f8be6 hiding their sinister motives 4357a82202 are usually persistent. He kept looking ddaaf04d19 at the man bb2daf2d80 with skeptical eyes.80a8aab47fabe7ac

“Yes, it’s all my fault. I had no consideration, no thoughts, no brains. You can hurl every insult you know at me. Just stop being angry. Damn, with your face glaring at me like that, I just can’t muster the courage to take care of you.”272357a8e700662d

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A pleading voice. For a moment cde28828a9 he was confused. With difficulty, he maintained 0fec64cec9 his skeptical eyes at 5799e1299c the man. Since it was an 4f34248b5d eye contact made by 1af42fbf54 him and that didn’t 5762197994 happen naturally,, as he a4b49cc13b kept glaring, his eyes 66ab15ee11 started to hurt. A stinging pain spread 6815a3a69a around his eyes.d637b7432a034341

“…Forget it. Hah, I was the fool for thinking you’d understand.”eb806b0f65acb84b

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The man sighed repeatedly, 619074b52c rubbing his temples as 09780c1269 if he had a 9bb2c6b6e0 headache. He flinched.What if by any e0ef6e178d chance, which is highly e7ea5307cb unlikely, but just in 055f31bef9 case, the man isn’t 96959b43b1 lying? What if the man c416adef77 leaves, disappointed, and never 6c80bdcd1a comes back?1f0a7c5078e0ccac

His heart sank. He had never felt this way, not even when his ribs were broken from beatings. Since no one had taught him, he didn’t know what he should do now. Without knowing, the nails on his hands had dug into the floor. Vivid droplets of blood formed under his deformed nails.d25571c5f31a1c11

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But the man didn’t leave. He picked up the onion rolling at his feet and began peeling the skin. Like he had, the man’s face became teary. He was confused again. Is the onion not a dangerous object like I believed after all? Or is it but the man just doesn’t care?86416a34638c10e7

Everything was a mystery. The reason the man didn’t leave and stayed to peel the onion, the reason he cut the peeled onion into pieces and asked “You’re not going to bite me if I get close, right?”, the reason he was approaching with big strides despite him showing no reaction worthy of a response…008592e5e466d19a

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Onion pieces were in the man’s approaching hand.2a20f33121482462

Their seven steps distance became six, then five, then four. There was no sign of any threat from the approaching man. Even the last time, when he had wiped the man’s wounds with the baton, he had felt a sense of unease, but not this time.944f04b1e6295b84

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What has given the man the confidence that I wouldn’t bit him? The muzzle? No, I wore it last time as well. My injured body? No, my body wasn’t in good shape last time either. What is it then? He couldn’t figure it out. More precisely, in the situation where the man was steadily coming closer, he didn’t even have time to think about it.040953b680dfd7a1

It wasn’t the man who was afraid. It was him. With no place to retreat at the edge of the room, he unconsciously tried to back away. As he hastily tried to retreat on his knees, he bumped into the wall. The cold wall against his back felt as cold as his own body.7baed3cbb0120b97

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The man didn’t miss that. He stopped walking and asked.11bed7ff24982896

“Are you afraid of the onion?”b12097d77f68bd58

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The man dcfab259e7 gestured to efa4620d48 the onion 052df9b360 he was 9be9fdc892 holding.a921204c74efbd9c

“Or are you afraid of me?”8c9384f076b35e13

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The man pointed to himself with his finger. It was a meaningless question. He himself didn’t know what he was afraid of. Maybe it was the peeled onion, maybe it was the man closing the distance in the blink of an eye, and maybe it was himself.90fb240e31be7b95

Three steps away. Fortunately or unfortunately, the man didn’t come any closer. Bending down to be at eye level with him, the man extended his hand. It held a piece of onion the size of a child’s fist.ae549b86b9a5d8f1

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“Try it.”0609e0cc59f0ba8f

He couldn’t. His body was frozen in fear, and his mind was captivated by the man’s eyes right in front of him. He thought the man’s eyes from seven steps away were a vivid color, but up close, at three steps, they were incomparable. If there was anything in this world that wasn’t painful, it would have the same color as the man’s eyes.dd21a8e7f91e8d6f

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The man thought that just like demonstrating how to peel the onion, he should also show how to eat it, so he took a bite of the onion piece. The next moment, the man’s face scrunched up unpleasantly. “…See? It won’t kill you to eat it.” Struggling, the man said with a straightened face, “Of course it’s just that it won’t kill you. The taste is really… let’s not talk about that.”244d609aa157c477

The man held out the onion. Of course, he didn’t budge. It wasn’t a strange outcome since his body was frozen in fear, and his mind was captivated by the man’s eyes in front of him. The man hesitated, then pushed the onion piece through the gap of the metal muzzle he was wearing. “Take a bite.” He quickly added, just in case, “Of the onion, I mean. Not my hand.”8b279eef3d08aa17

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Only then did he snap out of it and do as the man instructed. He took a bite of half the piece and swallowed. The sound of gulping made his Adam’s apple move. An incomprehensible thing happened in the next moment. He thought the man would be pleased that he did as instructed, but the man’s face paled and he cried out.1371b9eb23bb1511

“Wh-why are you swallowing it! If you choke, you could die!”95c4dd8534f3205b

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He was stammering, seeming greatly alarmed. He couldn’t understand the man’s fuss and just stared at him with bewildered eyes.0953d79fa968c415

“If you want to kill yourself, do it when I’m not here. Damn it, how do you think I’ll feel if you die when I’m trying to help? I might have to live with guilt for the rest of my life. I brought the onions to ease your pain, not to choke you to death. Understand?”0b441e1bb299bd8a

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He had done as instructed, but far from being pleased, the man was just yelling at him. He was a bit irritated. He tried to take another bite of the onion piece the man was holding and swallow it. But the man quickly pulled the onion piece out of the metal muzzle before he could bite it. He said “No,” but unlike when the guards say “No,” the man didn’t hit him.33719fabea93f877

The man cut the onions into tiny pieces, the size of his fingernails, within a range he couldn’t interfere. But unfortunately, he couldn’t eat them, because just as the man was about to feed them to him, the man realized the time. The man’s face paled as he checked his watch.a1da024860a006ee

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“I have to go, I’m late…” Leaving him behind while he was confused, the man hurriedly gathered his things. The man didn’t leave any onions behind, recovering every single one, saying he couldn’t bear to see him use the onions to commit suicide.0a492f0ce684f722

“I’ll be back.”d0e7df5573519a93

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The man left. The distance 82b47ac0b4 that had ba183fb75b narrowed in 68dc936367 an instant ed3749760e widened just 6a2a52c17d as quickly. Three steps, 5284d322a9 four steps, 651785605c five steps, 65c7b07ca6 six steps, 74148eb86f seven steps, cb5b45099f and with 481a6d6381 a click c2870ffbd8 of the 30b8b03eb4 iron door 2630ee61ee closing, the 76cb27e51b man disappeared 5bd40df68b from his a79b0f147a universe. He was left 59d1c5c4bd alone in the 6cac172391 solitary confinement cell 3b27be8b46 once again.e48dc6e2904f4f77

That day, he didn’t sleep at all. He traced the places the man had been. Beyond the seven steps, in front of the iron door, where the man had sat. Six steps away, five steps away, four steps away, where the man had walked. Three steps away, where the man had bent down to be at eye level with him.00fa71f1c77011e7

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Unsatisfied with 52683f02c3 just following 9103f4e49c with his 5d5219a24a eyes, he fc6db9c07a decided to 8d07072e57 go to 1706c8b7f2 the places 6bc9c2ef20 the man 646f339cfd had been a3c021ca69 himself. He wanted to sit 8a30fa4612 in front of the f28cb61233 iron door, walk the ddd13223f4 six, five, and four 0e6f69f526 steps away, and bend 6e92bdb175 down at the three a3023263bd steps away to match ea9c90089a the eye level.d673003c00b45de8

But he couldn’t get up. His arms recovered quickly, but his legs recovered much more slowly in proportion to how fast his arms did. Whenever he tried to stand, he would lose his balance and collapse. So he crawled on his knees. He sat in front of the iron door. He crossed the six, five, and four steps on his knees. At the three steps, he tried to force himself to stand and bend, but ended up falling over.b84d2c07e858a636

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How long have I 844cd086c9 been doing this? My legs 2981160e16 don’t have 0dc9fae2aa any strength 72d557faab to hold c87c27bd99 me up. When he checked absentmindedly, his knees were raw and bloody. He touched his knees. The coagulated blood on the wounded skin smeared onto his hand. Strangely, it didn’t hurt. Probably thanks to the caa09d8d3e onions the man gave a8146065e9 me, he thought.63ead71d265f3bbc

• **

As promised, dea14de38b the man b3c5273ae7 came again.790d0ef6a7b1da1f

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It was always similar. The man would open the iron door, and he would be silent. “You won’t even greet me?” he’d grumble, and then there was silence. “Well then, hello to you too. I hope you’re doing well.” he’d greet him, and silence again. The man paid no heed and unwrapped the bundle with the onions.f4bff13fcf1dd3ec

Some days the onions were peeled, and some days they weren’t. On the days they were peeled, they were even cut into fingernail sized pieces. When the man pushed the onion pieces into the metal muzzle he wore, he ate them. After a certain amount of time passed, the man would say “I’ll come back again,” saying goodbye, and leave, closing the iron door.1268ffd17a5b2936

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When left alone, he would go to the places the man had been. He would just sit there, sometimes lie down and sleep, sometimes mimic the man’s postures until his limbs got tangled and cramps spread through his body.52ed96431a211d72

Today was a bit 2aa2600fa4 different.73ded7c549a0547d

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“Here, take this.”e42a1d1df94764e1

The man pushed a slice of onion into the metal muzzle. After silently staring at the onion slice the size of a fingernail, he suddenly bit down on the man’s finger.b70dffdd3941aa5c

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It wasn’t part of any plan. In fact, he wasn’t used to making plans. “When the iron door opens, I’ll bite the guard,” or “I’ll take the guard’s nametag and gouge his eyes,” or “When he comes close, I’ll crush his face with the metal muzzle” – the plans he had made so far were simple, shortsighted, and one-dimensional.13d792751b17ca52

And this was no different. He bit the man’s finger because he was curious about what it would taste like, no more, no less. He knew two tastes of malice: the first was the bitter secretions he had tasted when he sucked on his own fingers after “work,” and the second was the slimy flesh and disgusting taste of blood when he had bitten a guard.3282b8cd97294f30

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He was curious about what the man’s flesh would taste like. Is it bitter like my fingers? Or is it disgusting, with a flavor of blood like a guard? Or perhaps…fb248f3c10084b66

But the man’s finger had no taste at all. It was strange. He sank his teeth deeper into the man’s finger. He felt the warmth fill his mouth. The hard nail pressed against the roof of the mouth, the soft finger touched his tongue. The calluses on each finger tickled the teeth and gums, but still he could taste nothing.2a4a14d84cb67af9

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His senses were highly 9d1dd9b754 developed. Like a snake, his e21d2e416c vision was acute, and d131f82c20 he could easily discern fc4dc39b7d objects even in the f67a395a63 pitch black of his a1bd9717f4 solitary cell where not 442a2299c8 a ray of light 6df175f9c7 entered. Like a shark, 38e4cc8580 his sense of 6b75dc76db smell was heightened, 88bfa25291 and even blindfolded 1e0e72e9f5 he could tell fc30dd5d8f how much blood d0bf514e01 or pus was d70165cb52 oozing from a 1b32d4a7f7 wound, or how 8e2a95cbe1 much flesh was f40bfe1f0a charred.37449525cab7c52c

His hearing was as good as a cat’s, and he could hear the sounds coming and going beyond the iron door. His sense of touch was as refined as a spider’s, and he could distinguish whether something touching him was a poker, a sharp knife, or the handle of a long baton.849619eaed368130

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If there bc4b1fb89f was one ee54d5486d sense that 5bdb2bacb1 was underdeveloped, 2535b92466 it was ecd98dd29c his sense 5bed65516b of taste. It made sense. All he had 45c1ab2327 ever tasted in 4a4bb5cf4a his life were 200a86f37e pus, blood, the a079bf7c6a uniforms and shoes 75cef056a3 of the guards, 51b0e14a2d the dirt on d9998b0a7c the soles of 76862c2298 their shoes, the d4a5e27b7b exterior of the aaa0a1417d ventilation pipes, the 457e712bcc knives with slivers 17750b4125 of flesh clinging af7297514c to them, the c99e3c7e6a dark red stains b713f63d5f on a baton, 8e5e6dfc1c and the onions ef73669177 the man fed aaf48a1715 him.9da20376209bac49

Perhaps his poor sense of taste simply failed to detect whatever flavor there was in the man’s finger. Thinking this, he decided not to let go of the man’s finger. He licked it, running his tongue over the fingertips, pushing against the nails, tracing the knuckles. Still, he could taste nothing. Would chewing it bring out the flavor? He clenched his teeth, ready to chomp down on the finger, when-f5ab1026fe0288c6

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“W-Wait!”06943fb02e9a3947

The man cried 0469cf94f0 urgently. Frozen, he stopped 4d509b3400 trying to bite ce2c856249 down and looked 7004077f0e at the man, eadc2cc953 whose face had a7f3510b56 turned pale.00166d150ae16ec3

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“Y-You can’t eat that.”ad5a9a209f8ab5f3

Not that he was planning to eat it. He just wanted to chew on it. Chewing it might break or cut or crush the finger, but he wouldn’t actually eat it. He ignored the man’s plea. Clenching his teeth again, he prepared to chomp down on the finger. And then.d49e07c8de2976e8

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“Don’t chew!”0a9921b9c51cbaf7

The man cried 9d27696f5d desperately. Frozen, he 13568ba053 stopped trying be73e3f0de to bite 9812853184 down and fb6b2469c8 looked at 320b7d42e1 the man.Don’t chew? Why? His puzzled expression betrayed his incomprehension of the man’s order.5c1585226c6581ba

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“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I, I can’t have my hand get hurt.”e2b7015296f79614

He remained frozen, 4094d2dfa1 teeth ready to bd10e55043 sink into the 1f3f1cf849 finger. The man 4be699fb7a rambled on.0d3d1cb90a6240f7

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“I, well, I write, you see. Not right now, but someday I will. So…”4ed56fd35ceb001c

He couldn’t make heads or tails of what the man was saying, but it was clear the man didn’t want him to chew his finger. Doing something someone didn’t want would make them hate you. The guards hated him because he wouldn’t stay still when they were working and because he constantly tried to bite them.98588fcd2119b829

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He didn’t care about being hated by the guards, but he cared about being hated by the man. Torn between the urge to chew and the desire not to be hated, after a moment he relaxed his clenched teeth.206986784fc21cf5

The man seized the opportunity, quickly trying to withdraw his finger from the mouth. Of course, he had said he wouldn’t chew, but he hadn’t said he would let go. He was not going to let go so easily. He growled and clamped down on the man’s finger, refusing to release it. The man couldn’t even think of pulling his finger out, let alone actually do it.8442e77e1fecc5f6

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The man looked distraught, but he didn’t care. He began to suck and lick the finger in his mouth. He left nothing untouched – the fingertips, the nails, the small hangnails, the fleshy pads of the finger and the calluses. Still, he could taste nothing.74d25cabe91acb50

“…Can’t you not do that?”e2b9133a52032c73

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The distressed look on the man’s face had disappeared. He had a strange, furrowed brow.9dd006f4722f3900

“I don’t know if you can understand, but this is… just really weird for me, you know?”f6649fe8aae9863a

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He paid no attention, 58bbc81844 focused on trying to c27f5de46f find some taste in 9996c2bbaf the flavorless finger. Unaware of 0547c3dcc6 this, the 25fbabf2ac man frowned. Nervously, he raised e35be35ee6 his eyebrows and bd0aff16c6 asked.73893ece5918e139

“Come on, are you even listening to me?”4353a0abbfaf3859

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Again, he ignored the man. The man looked at him with a distressed expression, then suddenly pointed somewhere and shouted. If he hadn’t been biting the man’s finger, that would have made him jump.65f8d8656a1dc298

“T-There’s a guard right there!”a0d644ea3de471dc

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A guard?He mindlessly e278819056 turned his 0cc3e7f0e5 head to 0276bc54c7 look where 849ff010db the man a2bf706ad1 was pointing. The man was not 9ddbc406ef one to miss an 07ec9a9482 opportunity twice. Taking advantage b861453d59 of the 99ddd6ea11 momentary loosening c96321472a of the 0a686e35f4 grip on 415eee7c6f his finger 331c178ed2 as he 0c3a8f9d97 turned his cad2e9f74a head, the 58371532db man quickly a2c3dd2136 pulled his 19d7195fbd finger out. His finger was c008587970 wet with saliva 87ae60eecb from all the 953ad22b28 licking and sucking.c9d501ec07c24225

The man quickly backed 82da13dae1 away. Realizing he had been 90a2a2f957 tricked, he bared his ea5465c445 teeth and growled, but 08e4b58c18 it was no threat 5e70ad4614 to the man, who 83511f6d59 had retreated out of 06454b4f31 his reach. The man calmly took 2a0e10e270 out a handkerchief to c349517cd5 wipe the saliva off b85ef2635c his finger, and glanced 8bd660c06b at his watch.72ff3d34c5ff2d8a

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“I’m glad you fell for it in time. If I had been just 10 minutes late, I definitely would have missed the night roll call.”2fa17b1970bb7e19

The man b47a838e45 tidied up. He gathered the 43fc32cf50 scattered onion slices ba3ee99665 and the onions c23e78c291 peeking out from ae5a6ebb15 the bundle. He also continued c8766d7cb5 his meaningless chatter 536eae49ab as he prepared 96ada325dd to leave, like 93900ef8fc he did every 0dd9ae5830 day. It was familiar 3d6891e6d6 but… something was c86a65833f different. There was fd63b8f919 one thing, f9540a8394 the most b98e0594b1 important thing, d05f107dd2 that was 20df386266 missing from 2720f89cc7 all of a0aeb1b720 this.bfec9257130c2160

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The rumbling growl in his throat had stopped. His throat felt stiff. No, not just his throat, his whole body felt stiff. He couldn’t take his eyes off the man. His lips quivered, opening and closing silently, his ragged, cold breath escaping through the parted lips.d3379f6abcc4bb69

“They charge a late fee, you know. I’m not sure why, but they do.”8ec757a38b548051

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Why was ‘that’ missing? It couldn’t be intentional, right? He must have just forgotten. His rigid face turned deathly pale. No matter how he tried to calm down, he couldn’t. His heart was pounding wildly. If he just stayed quiet, the man would leave without saying ‘that’. As much as he didn’t want to, he had to. It was frightening, but he had no choice. His head went blank, and then-c930bf1e5c9c6d01

“I don’t remember when, but I was late one or two times, and Edgar really chews me out if I’m late for the roll call. He just harps on about how I can’t be late for roll call…”d0809502f9fc8627

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“Are you coming back?”753d594ebf49cd1f

“Of course, I’ll be b-”34b60e47a3d0c5b8

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The voice answered, then stopped. The man looked at him, his eyes wide. “What?” He felt nauseous. Whenever he spoke, long or short, whenever he talked like a normal person, he always felt dizzy, queasy, and sweaty, like wanting to throw up.d9dbab6b7de44ffc

But he had to. The man always said “I’ll be back” when leaving, and he couldn’t let him leave without saying that. In his tiny universe, just eight steps wide and long, he had to make the man promise to come back.bfe30b0bc9685ee4

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“Are you coming back?”c2d378caae349d28

He spoke.76ffc9caed3d2db1

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A lump 4a816ed7cc formed in e0c180fbe2 his throat. He felt sick. A long 0bcbf3841c time ago, 4ecd476765 when he fffb86d926 was much b342123713 smaller than e894f3809d the batons b4ee8b3245 the guards 738110a96a carried, he 302e6c56b4 had inadvertently 1b467e2bf5 broken the cced404a56 rule of f68a396594 not speaking.68589c10eca17f4e

What he had done wasn’t exactly “speaking” – it was a “sound.” After work, overcome by the searing pain of a crushed knee, he had collapsed and let out a groan. It was a faint, barely audible sound, but the guard (who was now the Superintendent) had not missed it.7a637e1fcb2af618

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Pausing in the middle of gathering his poker, knife, and baton, the guard looked at his distorted face. Grabbing him by the hair, the guard made him open his mouth. Since his teeth couldn’t be damaged, the guard ordered him to stick out his tongue. When he refused to obey and remained still, the guard immediately choked his neck.cc57b519e9141112

He gurgled, struggling to breathe. The handle of the knife had sliced across his tongue in an instant. A numbing pain filled his tongue. The gums that were also struck began to bleed. The guard tossed him aside. He said that if he had the warden’s permission, he would have jammed a hot iron ball into his mouth instead. He said that for a dog, all it needed was sharp teeth to grip the target, and that having a tongue was unnecessary.d2f21aba716c95eb

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The guard spat on him as he lay sprawled. He warned that if it spoke like a person again, with or without the warden’s permission, he would cut off its tongue.8c239f39b017746d

After the guard left the cell, taking the baton, knife, and poker with him, he remained motionless on the floor. The blood pooled in his mouth was too thick. He didn’t know if the taste was metallic, the smell was metallic, or both were metallic, but he felt dizzy, queasy, and sweaty, as if he would vomit. This time, what filled his mouth wasn’t blood, but human “words”.2f998db2a7bd9fb3

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He was sick b37962f7a6 to his stomach, 9b47503c58 beads of cold f02c09f191 sweat breaking out f0374fa74b like boils. The man 674aefe311 had an 0624f29b22 alarmed look 16ff3d8419 on his 21398df9df face. His eyes fa31d91d8e and mouth 16ec5e43a0 were wide 67af22c9ea open.d8a5373cf48c1ee8

“Did you just speak?”e5462b2120d1ee18

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His voice burst out, agitated. But it wasn’t the answer he wanted, the promise from the man to return to this tiny universe of his, just eight steps wide and long. His throat felt sore.2d64e0cb119b440d

“You just spoke, right? Right?”b54ffbe2c1ea6f3d

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He seemed quite excited. The man’s voice, urging for an answer, seemed impatient. He was angry. Why is the 298cbe3e1d man only focusing f59aa0419d on the fact af2979ca68 that I’ve talked? Why did he not 7ed5305500 care about what I c1f136d61b said at all?24ad8830709a355b

Perhaps he was deliberately doing this because he didn’t want to promise it. The man must hate him. He wouldn’t let go even when the man told him to, and arbitrarily bit, sucked, and licked his fingers, so the man had grown to hate him.367395c90355f2cf

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Fear overtook him. The remaining blood f8603533ff drained completely from 356918573a his body, which b2cae3072f had already become 0d8f7da2a8 pale from dizziness, 7916f9b8e2 nausea, and cold 41f07e1c47 sweat pouring like e6bf161fe7 water. He opened his mouth 65df50a265 with all his might.dd4f16e60a368525

“Will you come again?”0645de154b29098e

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The man, who had been babbling frantically, “You spoke. You definitely spoke, right?”, finally fell silent. The excitement slowly faded. He asked again with all his strength. It hurt. His throat ached as if it had been stamped with a knife handle.8a9b5c910a467fb2

“Will you come again?”9320c7f191e36c67

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A long silence passed. He had experienced every kind of pain. Abrasions, bruises, stab wounds, incisions, lacerations… he knew all about surgical pain and was equally well-versed in medical pain. But this was the first time silence had hurt.c0dcf3f07e6310be

He thought about 677b2b625b which of the d54c88be1a abrasions, bruises, stab 18d94fe698 wounds, incisions, or 473823285d lacerations the silence 3c1d0d880f felt like, but df3e66f48f he had no 1a8a056dc6 answer. He decided to think b79fd3d8c4 of it as a ef54edadb0 new kind of pain. Perhaps, contrary to what 9dfdcc2b1f he had thought, the 8ba5bbf2db man might not be 1e73d61a14 something painless. He might be something d3211ce8d1 that hurt, but in 645dcad795 a way he had 531812998e never known before.f2fdac6d54ccf752

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“Yes.”464e8774099a09c0

The man answered. Fear made him be 0a47f1a9b3 on the verge of 79e65b5f46 unconsciousness.4eb8cd65f76904c4

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“I’ll do it.”833bbdcdc1050a15

A faint smile appeared on the man’s lips. He felt his knees give way. Fortunately, he was sitting; if he had been standing, he would have collapsed. He was glad he couldn’t stand because of his broken leg.a7ad5fe8cc98240c

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