MLCD Chapter 3.1 || Psyche

If loneliness c1f8af094f is the 033f0a6c5f start of 586ca3ed63 love,45b695bb52ecaec4

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What makes love end?b8291434bb56a74a

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As the autumn wind blew, the fallen leaves cascaded from the massive sycamore tree standing in front of the apartment building. Unfortunately for Shavonne, who was walking down the street carrying a basket of onions to gift to “anybody”. The leaves seemed to have it out for him. They fell on his head, shoulders, and face, sticking to him as if they were determined to cling on.6270c9b58c0791d3

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So unlucky.Shavonne grumbled to af248a6c8d himself. He knew e419fe8106 that collecting 626b501fd0 fallen leaves 21b4601b3e before the ef889e7b56 first snowfall fc62f51f4d was considered a28ca952c6 bad luck. He remembered 4d472ccdb9 the myth 2927c1fe8a the orphanage 6abd7ec88e director used 53ab58c673 to tell 6271c58527 him every 10e2a6a7b9 autumn. But those thoughts 53bd903647 had faded away d4daf09ace with time.f6ad151ab1480829

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He blew with his mouth to remove the leaves from his face, shook off his shoulders to free his clothes of the clinging leaves, and shook his head as hard as he could to drive out the fallen leaves that had been stuck in his hair. Whether he was covered in leaves or not before the frost didn’t matter; his 29 years had been filled with misfortunes, leaving him wondering what cursed him.f7601444f2b31803

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Shavonne also brushed off the fallen leaves from the onion basket. One leaf, two leaves… As his fingertips touched the leaves, they crumbled as if they were dried out. Finally, he tried to get rid of the remaining leaves, but a gust of wind blew them away. Autumn rustled throughout the street.1d5e641734e9ed24

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Less than a 4e59bf5133 month had passed 7fba9ff11e since the end a40fabf004 of summer, yet e5b63965af autumn had unmistakably f19500e84c arrived. In two weeks, 3ba9205d4b frost would appear, 13f495777d in four weeks, 412fe791e9 snow would fall, c8e990afd5 and eight weeks 39ce09fc21 later, homeless people 1a032776bf would freeze to 9257c44092 death on the c84765b226 side of the 3cbc0a5502 road. Bunch experienced brief a73f433cb7 warm days and b35692c380 long, harsh cold 4aa48123b0 days.2afd1b25175a959e

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After entering the apartment building, Shavonne checked the mailbox out of habit. The mailbox that had always been empty was now filled with letters after a long time. One, three, five… He lost count. However, Shavonne’s expression remained lukewarm. ‘Probably advertisements,’ he thought. ‘If not, it’s likely a wrong address.’e0272983957219b0

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And this wasn’t just a groundless assumption. Was it three or four years ago? Suddenly, Shavonne, who had never received any letters except advertisements, received dozens of them. It turned out to be the result of a false article published in a cheap gossip magazine called “Truths,” stating that a popular actor lived in Apartment 303.3932c11a7e15629e

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Carrying the 2c82d4d0e4 mail half-heartedly, 37bf19048b Shavonne headed b5fa363402 home. As soon 8c9cdd717e as he 8005c6f0de entered, he eedc8e612e heard a e521467810 familiar voice f810d6eeb4 coming from 4eb3039f6a the kitchen.99e820c6fa1955b0

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“Mr. Shavonne, you’re craving onion bagels today, right?”7afa859f2a22c9d9

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It was Lewellyn. At some point, Lewellyn had made himself comfortable in Room 303, as if it were his own place, and Shavonne didn’t mind sharing the space as long as nothing unusual happened.5336ef13c9a98b12

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Shavonne, who put d6644de302 down the onion 26470dbee0 basket, answered while 50d487a659 unbuttoning his coat.b0d7fe4031c6b97c

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“Not at all. I’m not on the mood for them today.”c221f86da34245f1

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“No way. Even if you say that, I know that you want it. I can tell what Mr. Shavonne feels.”efd55aea2d020174

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“Have you ever really known what I’m thinking? You’re really something.”7920f6a4d4c6ae5e

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“Of course I know. Now Mr. Shavonne wants to give me a crushing hug, make out, and then have onion bagels cooked by me.”cd4c1e34f87b91b8

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…It was clear that the onion bagel Shavonne had to eat ‘after a crushing hug and making out’ with Lewellyn was already made. The fact that he had to eat an onion bagel, whether he wanted it or not, remained unchanged.127c02be003cd8b5

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Shavonne let out a silent sigh. The dish Lewellyn cooked wasn’t to his taste because it always contained whole green onions, and the onion scent and taste were too strong. Shavonne offered to cook it himself, but Lewellyn didn’t eat it at all. Every morning, lunch, and evening, he hugged an armful of onions and went to the kitchen to make a dish with onions as the main ingredient.78e7aba9b2cec8f6

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“Don’t make it.”3ff5ffef720159e9

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He used b3c9016bfe to be 8404bf369c that angry.0c2fe4f7abd33ae4

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“Why? Is the food I cook awfully bad?”0f7d1fc258035474

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Yes! Exactly!Shavonne, who was going to answer that, saw Lewellyn’s face darken and kept his mouth shut. When he opened his mouth again, he could only say with a murmuring voice.2fe300b178055ccf

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“Mr. Lewellyn, that’s…”d9c2180039cfb072

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However, Lewellyn 2b3aff245f did not afb6680d4a seem to 1b3dd8eb5f be willing d2835cecfe to wait a20f32a785 until Shavonne 81f98f30b9 found an 0774586772 appropriate explanation. He dropped d6e4a4f409 his head f2739e5156 helplessly and 875e641e3d spoke as 116d665593 if he 4133e46811 was holding 73d3225f1f back his 8d4e682581 tears.f05324806c7e3355

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“I know. It’s my fault. I won’t bother you anymore.”cdb89e10353c2cef

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Shavonne was shocked. He was too out of his mind to notice that it was really effective, and he was somehow not sane enough to realize that what Lewellyn had said was really familiar. The more he thought of Lewellyn’s face, the more unrealistically handsome it was and the more he got stuck in his mind.fba36862e2787931

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It seemed 6f8ad79386 to be 19a4fee317 true that ca13cadd24 you had b46ec2dc2b to sacrifice 0055797462 something for f49fc81607 it to a8e7468063 be true 06a0e06d77 love. Taste. It must be taste 7ae9a63664 that Shavonne had to d69844f098 sacrifice. Shavonne hurriedly soothed Lewellyn.efa769109ba59a5d

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“I’ll eat it. I’ll eat it…”9c3f8d9b7f4183af

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Only then 722f740450 did Lewellyn 544376b087 raise his 7f81d94558 head and a7e814c569 look at 50672de3ee Shavonne. He had d866cf872e a bright 5ca92e0d41 smile on 31b2374e3b his face 8f557e6104 as if 2096c928a8 there was e4f7e324dd no sign d4606f0139 of darkness 41b38ffbd9 from the 7285d10f87 beginning.35700c82d5b6ddbf

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“Good idea!”cc7382d79d1c5676

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For a moment, Shavonne 4bcf4c7406 belatedly recalled that Lewellyn’s 14d19424bc acting was as good a68d4ed92e as an actor. The famous actor Mr. Lewellyn said with ebc7a3a767 a big smile.dd176053a4d806e5

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“I knew it would work what Mrs. Banshee.”eb4f7e99dc53d76f

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“Mrs. Banshee?”69042872c1551b9c

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It was a familiar ff77fcf01f name.No way… Shavonne’s face was distorted.64f152459b0989cd

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“Yes, the main character from Adam Isle’s novel that Mr. Shavonne has ghostwritten.”f90058211b6b1094

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“All right. It’s my fault.” It was only then that he could see why he was familiar with what he said, “I won’t bother you anymore.” Shavonne tried to laugh, but only both corners of his mouth were raised awkwardly, and he could not laugh. That fucking novel…Shavonne thought.f522c9a6e1710842

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In the end, the two agreed to limit Lewellyn’s cooking to less than five times a week, with Shavonne being fed precisely. One out of those five times was now.d73a995da515bdf2

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“I’ll just check the letter first.”7d95946b2b7d0317

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“I can’t wait even a minute more.”f3e3d8b2e0155e81

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“It won’t take long.”9e222552c6473c44

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“Mr. Shavonne, you should know that my patience is at rock bottom because we’ve been away from each other for three hours.”895e300415c7fd8c

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“Let’s see if it’s really at rock bottom or not.”93d90af8fb93ba9e

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He picked up the mail carelessly and quickly scanned the fifteen envelopes. Private horsemen’s associations, grocery stores, brothels… Not surprisingly, they were all advertisements. Should I think it’s fortunate that at least no letter was sent by mistake?Shavonne sighed.7278600961c16608

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It was then. Shavonne, who was e1c15cbbb5 checking a letter 2a65de67c1 envelope half-heartedly, stood 9e7f9dc606 tall and stopped 25539408e4 his hand.a85154a4f8aac3d0

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There was a letter 10e7e684a5 from Krainer Publishing. Shavonne frowned. Krainer Publishing fba254be80 was one a1c20479a0 of the f146c3883b top ten 52a9f2bdb5 publishers in 56d6d9ec7f the whole 1a0862f737 Bunch.3a2e1cf6d620fdca

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Right. It can’t help but be one of the strongest. The founder, Viscount Krainer, used all his connections with the royal family, nobles, and up-and-coming businessmen to sweep all the patronage of Bunch. Talented people follow where there is money. It would be strange if Krainer Publishing, which brings together only talented people in each field, does not succeed. But why would a publisher like that want Shavonne?8eb095ec3010a9f2

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He opened it. The letter, which started with ‘To you whom I respect’ and ended with ‘Chongchong¹,’ was full of words. However, Shavonne, as if it were like his major, was very familiar with the format, as he would increase one sentence to ten paragraphs. Less than 10 seconds after opening the letter, Shavonne got to the point. It was simple.7ceef491a63853e8

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『 We would like 2a2d5eb2e9 to work with you. 』0023eb6adfc7978f

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Shavonne clicked 4fd569ad4b his tongue 5b8c6cf417 out loud. If you 65bf0838be want to 768b62e34b do a 542f0b0cdf scam, at dc0b19b8b7 least show b9cb820a62 some sincerity.1dce6bb4cc4fd9e2

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Krainer Publishing couldn’t have wanted to hire Shavonne. Exactly, they couldn’t hire a ghostwriter like him, who had no name and had a “good price-to-performance ratio.” If they were the real Krainer publisher, they would have hired a famous and talented ghostwriter at Bunch.3f6098e26539f008

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“I guess the ‘it won’t take long’ of Mr. Shavonne means a year?”a86e7bd82b0899dd

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Lewellyn happened to be calling at that moment. Shavonne was deceived by a fraudulent letter. He crumpled it as the crunching sound echoed in his hand. “Your patience is weak. Severely,” Lewellyn teased. “You’ll be surprised to know how patient I am. Of course, I won’t tell you,” Shavonne replied playfully. “Yes, yes,” Lewellyn chuckled.f6c548656fc0f645

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Shavonne tossed the letter into the trash can before heading over to where Lewellyn was. “Don’t leave me alone for too long,” Lewellyn scolded him. “That’s mistreatment.”34fd61798d8956ca

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Shavonne halfheartedly accepted the comment, not wanting to get into a verbal confrontation. The promise they made to each other about “a crushing hug and make out” was fulfilled. However, they didn’t get to the point of eating the onion bagel as planned, as they both ended up going to bed. It was just another routine day, and before he knew it, Shavonne had completely forgotten about the letter.9a5ed0b15e4a6c5b

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But a week later, when he found a letter in his mailbox from Turner, an editor at Krainer Publishing, Shavonne’s memory was reignited. He wondered if it was another fraudulent letter, but upon opening it, he discovered it was very similar to the previous one. However, this time the focus had changed somewhat.8d0c4b5b529b6886

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『I would 9f37d0c481 like to 36f4c6d988 work with b56bac50fc the author 18e3391e53 who ghostwrote 6fb2fe1e29 《The Life 2b29e8c87f of John f69fff2332 Gray》by John f3a7819f39 Gray and 8a3037c096 《Banshee’s portrait》 707be7528d by Adam a3aadddc81 Isle. 』6f5e1ce3da710af4

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Shavonne’s belief that there was no sincerity in the letter was proven wrong.192fba0c5c44b931

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Even though Shavonne knew that Krainer Publishing wouldn’t hire him, he was momentarily confused by the sincerity of the letter, wondering if there was a possibility they could be interested in him. ‘Is it even possible that they know me…? It can’t be real, right?’97e6707e2c3e90ac

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Lewellyn helped d15b5b5c0c him sort db9b9bb085 out his 4c47ba6b65 thoughts.daf3e9436226e0a5

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“You think it’s a scam, right?”c66e9a752e4f6b12

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“There’s no way it isn’t.”55354f087bfda973

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“Why would such a wealthy publisher want to use me? Even if they did, I’m sure they have motives other than just work.”dbd9f5c1e986a684

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“You’re right. Think about it. Why would they offer so much money just to work with you? There must be something else going on.”6b49f00a210b40b9

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“… Stop talking.”2eb2b85b65870c9d

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However, three days later, when “Krainer Publishing Company” visited the apartment building, Shavonne had to reconsider his thoughts. This time, it wasn’t a letter; it was a real person.38b1a301d2c7eeeb

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A person.6abd2cd7362e2831

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“I’m Turner from Krainer Publishing,” he introduced himself. “I’m a fan,” he said with a smile. “I really wanted to meet you.” He asked for a handshake.1f701018ca1c635f

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He was a real 2445ccdb79 person.b8b39635e61f5b99

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Ninety-nine out of 7c09d09d99 100 orphans raised 5e0e4adcbc in orphanages are dde53ac83d illiterate. This is because unlike 3b7ceb05b2 the monastery, where personality, 2774eb280e sociality, and knowledge are 2a4af6f829 thoroughly taught so that 3599f5c493 orphans can become workers 30cffb403d of the monastery, the df42e2d689 orphanage provided only food, 4bf6fb6c99 clothing, and shelter and 15d41cf104 provided no education.e4d826cfd6d85975

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In such an environment, Shavonne was able to avoid being illiterate by one in 100 because he liked reading novels. He didn’t just like novels. He liked anything if it had a story. He enjoyed street plays, puppet shows, and playing alone in the attic of the orphanage, avoiding people’s eyes.fc146d54eaee9050

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However, plays on the a256684bbf streets have not been c40b047fd1 seen since the ban 54216b78d8 on performance disturbance was 42efc24710 passed, and he couldn’t 9bd0c81e95 do puppet shows since ca0eafaa43 the director closed the fcf69510bc attic of the orphanage. He had no choice 70fc992004 but to read novels 40cb292257 to satisfy his hunger bd471785ed for stories. He had no choice fc7f53c0bc but to learn to 078b0dd55b read.cab25f92b9cd1772

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― You want to 484565d0be learn writing?c580d8e374652f17

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People laughed their noses e96b80c7e4 out. Some grabbed 397f446bf1 their stomachs 10e3984db1 and laughed 692a9ff286 as if 0f448e848a they had 1b97ea13fd heard a baef564c54 joke.04abd6616ac47016

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― Wouldn’t it be better to learn etiquette? You have a handsome face and a flawless body. As long as you learn manners, I think you can get a job as a servant in a rich family.1fb2e3296849ee39

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― Learn how to make alcohol at a brewery rather than learn to write. Writing can’t fill your stomach, but you can with alcohol.72fb61183019fb07

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― Why don’t you go to the auction house and learn the tricks? Dreams? Hey, you’ll starve to death if you follow your dreams.bb89d727c35bb1e2

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How good 473098c8e5 would it 45f8c7030b have been c2ad4d37b2 if they d880641e15 had only 41aaaaebdb stopped after 927291010e a good 2bb830d6e5 laugh. People laughed b64b7439f9 at Shavonne, d156be6dad teased him, d6fd008cf8 and cut f9e5b29681 him down, 3211c4859e asking if bc0b428064 he could 439334f66c learn to d991e54d92 write, and 000d0e777d spat.5fe9262b7d42d23c

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Shavonne didn’t give up. No, he couldn’t give up. He had a story to tell, the story of a child who grew up 15 years in an orphanage and defied the odds by not getting thrown out into the streets. He wanted to share the story of being adopted and finding a loving family. He wished to write about a boy who became a servant to a rich man and demanded to be respected as a human being, regardless of his looks, or someone who defied expectations and became a skilled potter in a brewery. He yearned to create characters who weren’t defined by stereotypes.58190aaea6e79bb9

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All the alphabets he knew were S, H, A, V, O, N, and E, but one day he wanted to write a story. A story that defied the odds and didn’t lead to a tragic end. A story that didn’t end with ridicule and mockery.a70f01c70538c267

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However, the reality was not so easy. If the initial problem was that there was no way to write before learning to write, it became that no publisher accepted Shavonne’s writing after he learned it. One, two… A mountain of rejected manuscripts had piled up.699c2e6439f9b684

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On the tenth day 769c1246f2 of rejection of the 767a2466be manuscript, Shavonne stood by ef0c10fc72 the window and looked 5ec6626cda blankly at the clear 794914321d sky and thought. What if 364eafe4f2 he had 76fc43c4f3 learned etiquette? He might have 280a04427f become a servant 037d6464ae in a rich 6ea6a1f943 family by now.ad0a2b9e8f1f8904

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On the 11th 796b3fb0c5 day of rejection 4c6d6ffed1 of the manuscript, db6b2929fb Shavonne stood by 1e744fe502 the window and c262dc046d thought blankly at cfc8b694af the sunset. What if he had e364b91a8b learned how to make 86ed9a46da alcohol? He might have 4fac95db24 owned a brewery dc1d660afc by now.d9e934009af50eab

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On the 12th c69c9ac202 day of rejection 2897e39573 of the manuscript, cf4346200e Shavonne stood by 939b34ecc3 the window and 0ad898c08f looked blankly at 80b215ec48 the night. What if dcf7585e6c he had b5edbdc5fc learned the 5e0ab47b4b tricks? He might have d907d2cb3e become a successful 9655a0e532 businessman, receiving 2,000 6ead4b76f0 dollars every time efcf1f3806 he made a 1897494b20 deal.e96f4fd538242c32

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But Shavonne 6eec0c64ff was Shavonne. Not a servant, not b12457941c a brewery owner, not d16e28887c a tycoon. He was just a 68a06fca17 man, living in poverty 40b70dad36 in room 303 of 27d9786716 Ira Apartment House on e3656d8821 Ira Street.64803fa09f05b4b0

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So he gave cdd14a040d up on creating f7a6a10ec4 his own stories a8f510595a and devoted himself fb2c6dec0c to ghostwriting. He got paid 2e7c077e54 if he wrote 6a337820bd what he was fb81bf763b told. It was d61897c6e9 a small 66a2b2834d sum of 87a377d942 money, but 3fb4da27b8 it was df2459225a enough to 6e74d7fb55 survive.7dbbab4c1c3d53ac

 95f0645f3ff74384

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“The Life of John Gray” was written by Shavonne, but John Gray was the author. “Banshee’s portrait” was also written by Shavonne, but Adam Isle was the author. Quotes, commas, periods, lines, words, and scenes were all out of Shavonne’s control, and he was not acknowledged as the author.634c182076c61873

 ec66c5be38ffd536

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While looking down at the book, Shavonne gazed at the word “author” engraved on the cover with his fingertips. He wished it said Shavonne. If that happened, he might be able to like his own name for the first time in his life.5874557dc4e5b8fa

 bec0ed8e52a404d9

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Would the day come when Shavonne would become the “author”?d280a027fddb1f3a

 cc30833e6cd6dd2b

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He didn’t know. A young Shavonne at the age of less than 15 might have been sure about it, but now, at around 30 years old, he couldn’t be.bc15d22be7076d5c

 630c90c07a6015eb

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Dreams hurt people. If there was anything he had learned in life, it was that the less he expected, the less desperate he felt, and the less he dreamt, the less painful it was. Shavonne didn’t want to be hurt anymore.c27824ac71255142

 6acf3a390eab22f4

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But…c9fba83e6bd6dc25

 0d5826f8c2d53193

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― This is Turner e4bd386a2f from Krainer Publishing.7e719169377f5bfd

 0d7819e095b0ca0a

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― I’m a fan.7baf92bc41728eca

 c30f51b2452998d9

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― I 3bd8ee9b16 really wanted 770d2deec2 to meet c731148b80 you.d110d207a682ed77

 29005fc3e6222c9c

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The “fan” who suddenly appeared in front of his eyes was shaking Shavonne’s resolve.d21925c394ca3bb5

 07e9216dbe75de99

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Shavonne was taken aback and didn’t know how to react. This “fan” appearing in front of him disrupted his certainty about the situation.f2e9da66cd474640

 91201a041b484cc2

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“It can’t be,” he muttered as he stood in front of room 303. “I can’t believe that someone who’s never been published could work with Krainer Publishing,” he said aloud.499047d65964100b

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Shavonne was right, and he stepped back without even realizing it. He couldn’t accept the idea that Krainer Publishing wanted to work with him as an author, not just a ghostwriter. It all felt like a cruel joke.324e97bcdaa541a0

 f285d3b679311669

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If he said, ‘Okay, let’s work together’ and nodded he felt like everyone would laugh at him, punch him, spit and say ‘Did you really believe that?’. It felt like a dream.8c280fbe86d7d749

 0f4061177aa43ece

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Shavonne just.. opened the door. He had been napping with Lewellyn, and upon hearing the knocking, he woke up reluctantly. He didn’t expect to meet someone who fulfilled his long-held dream after opening the door and asking who it was.10a0e82cb7ea9a2e

“You can do it.”88033532fb862540

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 3ac48bc543f60f89

“I can’t.” 55841888f140db0b

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 d0378968839f2476

Shavonne wasn’t used to have good fortune at all. To him, having sudden luck was something that made him confused, not happy, so he was rather suspicious. Fear overshadowed any sense of happiness.7f96072a5e7c48f6

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 b7baf36feee8665c

Stepping back, a 61b110ff52 sensation brushed against ee3c2fc6af his back – 3a637ef18a the door of 7c413c5c8e room 303.08a513fdc671fe1d

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 af7705478ec77c45

“How can you be sure you can’t do it?”3e208384ee91c69f

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“How are you sure that I can do it?”3caf4376e4054451

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 bc6c8cdcdbed0f7a

His throat was d3d6644855 sore.d0ea01d827e83008

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 8338a59969a48ca7

“What you read is what I wrote based on the publisher’s guidelines, not my preference. Go find John Gray and Adam Isle, not me…”afea9bd97c8f299a

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 1cf7f42fca5123f2

“No.”74d7daed1a1f568f

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 0380ee6f26cfa9ac

Turner cut eb3076352b his words 694cd7012f short. The eyes 5879421564 that stared 652d2c686a at Shavonne 4d4943c264 were cold.72ba8e2fa6236f74

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 82ddb44d3b6b2f57

“It’s got to be you, Mr. Shavonne.”60ae68ff470a98ad

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 d41f3527c92fe872

Shavonne looked 50714652ce at Turner c2e90567e9 skeptically but 164b0d51ab remained silent. A sigh escaped 3a3c332169 Turner.b5d319daf81743ce

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“I can’t help it. It might not be the most pleasant news for you, but I must inform you.”fe3e6de000123fe9

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An unpleasant story? So there was an explanation, as he thought. Just as Turner had indicated, it wasn’t shaping up to be “pleasant.”fcb4afdc055afb66

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 ea393d34874319bb

“I happened upon the three novels you submitted under your name to a publisher – all rejected. Yes, they haven’t been discarded. These manuscripts have been rotting in some editor’s drawer for at least three to seven years.”f2858d4beb9985a4

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 0d2ebc0efd6ae78a

A furrow appeared on Shavonne’s forehead. Turner had knowledge of a manuscript known only to Shavonne, Dr. Fawkes, and the ten publishers who had received the submission. While Shavonne attempted to protest, Turner granted no opportunity.82e56ed86bdc0b48

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 e5b4d2be6239bbda

“I admit it was impolite, but I couldn’t resist reading it. I was engrossed from the first page and read through to the very end. My presence here should demonstrate how serious I am.”aa21b5881b08eea1

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 7c5a4977af16dd8c

Turner’s deep eyes turned to Shavonne..d7d0e1612bbe709f

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 1b9ff0073fc52dc4

“I’ve been an editor for eight years alone. I’ve never read a novel as good as yours in those eight whole years.”302de9aadad9365c

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 daa02c974cc21b4e

Shavonne blinked. It felt unfamiliar. He didn’t know how to react. Should I say, ‘Don’t lie?’ Or ‘thank you’?9c5a113e5a62fe85

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 67a3b2817506e709

Shavonne was f0e6f16c3e less familiar b7a6a80375 with praise e24852473e than he 27b1b13a46 was with 4a47524331 luck. When he e8a85fef16 did proofreading, e264dd95f0 he was 36829f72dd told,“It’s not bad, but you have no sense,”and when afe07a6039 he completed 6b7ea651c6 the ghostwriting, 8e3e80398a he was b2543fc88c told,“It’s old-fashioned. Not sophisticated at all.”3265e042d5c9103d

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 6c6362051b13ea03

It was f15eca719e not just eb9a365cf0 with writing. When he did 50dd8eaa73 chores at the 31818123da orphanage, he cleaned 0775532ed6 but was scolded 04ee00ea1f for taking too 5d8695d93f much time, and 13bdd5ea6f his efforts to 0904dacf13 soothe whining toddlers d871e359eb were misconstrued as b68a1c7fbc aggression. So it 4b801d5923 was natural a2f46813e1 that he ada06c623e thought he 0a80e01da6 was lying. But…3b475cb94d9d5c72

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 68fe126dc97afb6a

“You’re exceptional.”ddd5bce05c7a6a4a

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Exceptional. That wasn’t a word that went well with Shavonne. Shavonne looked down at the floor. It was somehow burdensome to face someone who said Shavonne was exceptional..c217cb19363e1558

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 d655a8aff95bc40c

“That…”5d5692e5df5277b4

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 aa6e2796ee6c968f

He hesitated momentarily dce161f7cc before continuing. Suddenly, he heard something f716e7b7d4 breaking in the house. As if the sharp cbc6d4a2b3 sound of something breaking bed5ef2604 made him go back 4c2eb851a1 to Earth, Shavonne came 5152c6d340 to his senses quickly.Is a 81a9335123 plate broken? Or a glass?He didn’t feel the fccdee3cc9 unrealistic sense that he 7959e97024 was still dreaming anymore.493c3886e0b04242

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 91c636fff9deda20

“We’ll talk about it another time…”89fbd5a1d2d7d02e

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 3b355c2ad99881ef

Turner grabbed Shavonne as he hurried into the house. It was unbelievable how hard he held him, as if he wasn’t an editor but a gangster. Turner took his business card out of the pocket inside the coat and handed it to him. When Shavonne didn’t take it, he forced it into Shavonne’s hand. 1576cdeaa4081e7f

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 8c5aa6b5f68d4d9f

“Call me.”79a85bb215eda652

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 82800f3b5a4f270d

Even before Shavonne could 4e24706a12 answer, he heard something aa0ff5d7c2 breaking in the house. Shavonne hurried in.862a295c220cceaa

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 f33de1ce155dfdb2

Lewellyn, who had just 20fc86fa4e fallen asleep, was not 49a0d092f6 in bed. He was 099bffa57d in the 7567a5a35a dining room 01c11d1d05 connected to 332b746fab the kitchen.2669d0b2b6245e0c

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 3cd00114508708ca

It was so da1bc9ac9a messy that there 3accceab98 was no room 8db58ed874 to step on 691efcadfa it. Tables, chairs, and trash ed105d20af cans had fallen down, f21cd48f43 and a bowl broke fd9de86279 and rolled around the 5c341f676b floor. The fragments b5c4b01574 of the ba29e65488 bowl sparkled 6689124e49 finely under efeffd3adf the afternoon 8c741b058b sunlight that 5770137aec deflected through 5cba7af907 the window.9de4c5d543c72d98

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 993f3e0916ad6a42

“God.”8585a35913adde9f

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Shavonne sighed. Lewellyn looked back on Shavonne late, as if he had only noticed that Shavonne had come. “Oh,” he said in a short, hoarse voice. “I’m sorry,” he added. “It was a mistake.” A flat, dry voice. There was no emotion in it.784995c39f569808

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 7bb1ec353570f327

Shavonne felt a sense of difference. However, there was no time to know what was wrong. Shavonne saw something dripping from Lewellyn’s hand. It was blood. Shavonne’s eyes were wide open.495ecea2e60bbe3c

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 b5c8e58a8fb9333c

“What’s that?”7f49d986a6314d24

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 4675408169a7ed21

Lewellyn looked down at 3c1bb95cb4 his hand. He answered c9e2799406 right away.fa70e611c395f798

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 a9b8c1113f11a408

“Blood.”a23febcbf40569c4

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“No, I know it’s blood…”f0ddac5f4eafa0c6

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 11d236d30a76abde

Lewellyn didn’t like blood. Like what happened at the restaurant 《Golly》. Even when Alan, who was overpowered by Lewellyn, shed blood, Lewellyn seemed unhappy. He frowned and clicked his tongue as he piled napkins up on Alan’s face so that he wouldn’t see the blood he had shed.fbeb8ed67cd867bd

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 4a649679193b727f

But now Lewellyn got braver. There was no expression on Lewellyn’s face, as he looked down at his bloody hand. ‘Don’t you have any thoughts on your own blood?’ A question came to Shavonne’s mind.e388c74d0fd3f46a

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“Let me look.”5289b2dabd04d4d4

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 39b640e4f0846e53

He approached and checked his hand. The wound was on the palm of the hand. To be exact, ‘the wounds’. One, two, three… There were as many as five cuts. The blood didn’t stop, as if it had been cut deep. Shavonne clicked his tongue.f5e7238445a65637

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 443fe727e70f5b15

He picked up the cloth and pressed the wound gently. He wondered after he had been doing that for about three minutes if the blood would have stopped, but he was still bleeding. Shavonne pressed the wound again. 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes… Lewellyn remained calm like a child.1282bcb0436834d6

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 55377d8a806f5335

The wounds stopped bleeding after 20 minutes. Shavonne brought a new cloth and wiped the blood off Lewellyn’s hand. Of how much blood he shed, he didn’t even wipe half of it, but the cloth was already wet.7db0d63d2b09ea7c

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 e07c6e143a79f02d

“Didn’t it hurt?”3e45349ed38fe399

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 98aa0e52fa0607bb

Suddenly, Shavonne asked. Lewellyn, looking 04528f2284 down at 03396ef5df the floor, d0215b9cf5 only looked 26e99d2990 up at dee009502c Shavonne. He kept glaring.fa671685fd4cd1a6

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 68fe4c80660b29ad

“It hurts.”e3eb4305b7843979

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 eca82e20244a1ffe

A pitchless, dry voice. Shavonne felt something was different. He stopped wiping the blood off Lewellyn’s hand and looked up at him. Lewellyn was still keeping his eyes on Shavonne.49456daf5f032a99

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 febc6d301807fdbd

“It still hurts.”b8d51ac776991c20

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Then he laughed a little. Before he knew it, Lewellyn’s eyes were back as usual.8f97c1938e1b1b2d

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 2e70dcdd91e81221

***1bc2eff88aa018d3

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 9adbacc947dc445a

-That…7ed24950b65e12a7

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 2d5a988481db8932

Beyond the door, 7e0061b09d Shavonne hesitated and 349f2c9de7 spoke. Lewellyn, who had been 833699fe39 listening to every word 7215a22020 Shavonne and a man fdbc2cb231 exchanged, decided that he 9d1938e2e4 would no longer stand c290b27854 by and watch.7dc38e602cb22cc7

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 80eb432ecf118baa

He kicked down the table and threw a bowl to pieces. He picked up a handful of scattered glass and clenched his fist with all his might. A sharp shard penetrated the palm of his hand. When he opened his hand, the flesh was torn into a mess, and his palms were covered with blood. Tsk. Lewellyn clicked his tongue. He hated blood, but he needed a distraction to completely take Shavonne’s attention from him.4b42fb34b12cef29

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 8674d737a5a54d40

That man…b80bac3c92562215

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 825de1457c323721

— It’s got to be you, Mr. Shavonne.b2d89fcd7a8b2537

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 e9b1e735e24324d9

— I happened upon the three novels you submitted under your name to a publisher – all rejected. Yes, they haven’t been discarded. These manuscripts have been rotting in some editor’s drawer for at least three to seven years.7832cf00daa0df7b

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 f188fe9e8e9ede76

— I admit it was impolite, but I couldn’t resist reading it. I was engrossed from the first page and read through to the very end. My presence here should demonstrate how serious I am.3dd52256bef024c4

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 5db6c5e0de0df196

— I’ve been an editor for eight years alone. I’ve never read a novel as good as yours in those eight years.b335c44f305fbe85

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 9218592ecd6f7463

— You’re exceptional.9d94c3c802419b26

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 a53aee17c076caf5

Lewellyn didn’t know who he was, only that he called Shavonne Mr. Shavonne, read Shavonne’s three unpublished novels (that Lewellyn never even knew existed), and praised Shavonne and Shavonne’s novels as exceptional. It was obvious that he would hurt Shavonne.3a9fd6bd43124e4c

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 9e57c0d49eb2c6fe

‘I alone am enough 758865bb12 to be the only fc5dfc793d harm to Shavonne.’652d6e298418016a

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 2c4eece6d308d8bd

Lewellyn looked down at his hand. The wound was not as deep as he thought. It didn’t bleed that much. Lewellyn pressed the fragments on the palm to worsen it. Now it was better. Blood fell on the floor, and only then was he satisfied.9fc75159875f98f5

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 2f09438be9c2f2a1

The problem d8d00ec818 was what 3a6f414ccd came next.7533b0f4a2e5aa55

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 926d24efd6c37d37

“God.”80f024f719278537

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 5fc8fd1bdfe9dae0

He heard a sound 24c8e05832 made out of surprise b7ec4c93e9 and then a sigh 53d0d5000d at the doorway. It was Shavonne. Pretending that he 7359368024 had seen Shavonne 7ce6aed78d just now, Lewellyn f912b76bcc looked back at dd8f922b40 Shavonne.Why are you looking for a God? When I’m here. He tried to talk back as a joke, but he couldn’t. Before raising both corners of his mouth to smile, he saw it.a70cedbb4d9c591e

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 2838ab9b60054900

Shavonne’s ears were red.be1bfe462ca669d9

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 3210340879683cdf

“…”c7f8345784042240

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 a83b3aa4ea22f270

Lewellyn couldn’t open his mouth. Shavonne’s ears rarely turned red. “Mr. Lewellyn, I like you.” The day he said that, it was the first time his ears turned red, and it hasn’t happened since then, even though Lewellyn tried doing things to see Shavonne’s ears turn red again.4e7bcff89d1b76e0

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 bfc7e8c4b72a6b84

When Shavonne just woke up, he’d said something to embarrass him (Mr. Shavonne, can’t you stop seducing me? I want to take a rest, too), and had sex. Talked about what Shavonne’s condition was like (What should I do, Mr. Shavonne? I guess you don’t want it to end this way). Remind him of what Shavonne, during sex, was like (Don’t you remember? You just cried under me. Didn’t you ask me to bite your throat?).40ea7070db075646

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 340cea81eda05857

However, Shavonne only b1aef668c1 turned his eyes, 4600fb83e9 scolded him as 6a120c163b he went to 79db9aa4c9 sleep, or talked 7cfed2fa30 about the weather, 13b07ea772 meals, and money, 6ded2c4731 but his face efdfbb4dc5 was not red. His ears never b47c2574f9 turned red either, 21f3eb03fb of course.0940e04d768fd121

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 00d923b9c9af621f

But now?455a0deb6764b144

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 5884d14becc0348b

‘Mr. Lewellyn, I like you.’ was the first time Shavonne’s ears had become red, and it remained the only one since the day Shavonne said so. The fact that Shavonne’s ears were red because of “the man”, not because of Lewellyn, was too much for him.68141e85d7d5874d

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 9b058346fd07be05

Did he 2942e2ec3d see you 36292a4eb6 too? Did he see 7ca286c8af your ears burning 41d4c15476 red because of c6617c6830 all that sweet 3c207a3ad6 talk? He saw it. Yes. He must 6238343758 have seen bd2086018f it with a520a69a53 his own 08571567a2 eyes. I’m not happy. The fact that that man’s memory could not be extracted even if his two eyes were pulled out, and the fact that Shavonne, who had red ears, would still remain in his head made Lewellyn unhappy.a9f706f9f2ba4ba5

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 2d77b7c193b9ab0b

Does he even know what it means to have Shavonne’s ears blush? He doesn’t know. How would that bastard know? Huh? I guess he was just thinking about how happy he was to receive a compliment. You idiot. He wouldn’t know that he saw inside Shavonne’s heart, something that he never showed, even when he sobbed while having sex.dc1a7888cf271870

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 1f0a5e944e187915

It’s unfair. I didn’t know why luck only goes to people who don’t know its value. It shouldn’t have been him who saw that. It should have been me. Yes, it should have been me.a8dc705c6f6033e6

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 d54c32b913f9dbb4

But, but…742009b57d8da8f5

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 758b77a84541200e

It felt as if he had been hit. A heavy lump filled his neck with nausea. He wanted to break Shavonne’s ankles so that lucky moment wouldn’t go to someone who didn’t know its value.0de0da45436bc9a4

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 8680c4634d9cfa67

No, I can’t.Even if he broke 5a49033cd3 them, his bones may 41363803a2 stick together again someday. He had to cut d768a4d31a them off. Would a knife be f6cb827e6f good? Or saw? Neither a fe5e1a4e35 knife nor 1bf2eadab5 a saw 09aa7b622b were bad, 6ffa175393 but the b7952a5c13 surest way f8fa5bec11 was to fdc5de1f13 crush them. Unlike cutting 6e5c603cf7 with a d48928ec67 knife or 250ca3699d sawing, there 663c769ee1 was no 4b7c50cf7e variable in 7388e52996 crushing. There was no 47dcf2c904 such thing as 37df63bc43 an emergency situation 6fa0d62f1f to prepare for.5cd9edef421ab78c

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 8dd32187e1e74cdc

But Lewellyn couldn’t break, cut, or crush the ankles. He couldn’t even cling to him and tell him not to go. He couldn’t dare to do that.f943c2f789fa0d10

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 edfcdf52ed59dd93

It wasn’t because of ethics. It wasn’t because of morality. It was because he lacked the courage to do it. It was just because he knew that if he put his low desire into practice, Shavonne would abandon Lewellyn.1b6d49846face8f9

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 f270f7503b6a63c2

He wasn’t afraid to be hated. It was Lewellyn’s idea that if he could not be loved, he should be hated. Whether it was love, contempt, or hatred, he liked whatever Shavonne gave him.5763ab76dcd77a75

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 f050c7ce8af58ef2

But not to 091f0c0cb1 be abandoned.1c144747bf68d45b

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 6d84721963e03116

Lewellyn wanted 241dfa2ff7 never to c2d1f47783 be abandoned 53a4778ba0 again, again, 0ab82d9e1c again, again, c8d294aa99 again, again, bdae8b67a1 again, again, a3da914533 again, never a15415f2e5 again to 4348c60fb8 be abandoned b96a96bbd1 again.44d4329583403c3e

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 4a4b9197d66d55d0

“Ah.”46e72155554e7d1a

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 d5f475ff8d6439c4

With a short, hoarse voice, Lewellyn said. Lewellyn’s voice was flat and dry to hide his overheated head.15d5d8e78addaacb

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 a8525c1d059f3586

“I’m sorry.”380fc672e53f1ebf

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 e0821084ea316a7d

He added.4e1faebd21f3b329

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 e15abf013aac49fa

“It was a mistake.”8df44726c8bbcf3a

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 2f04d48ef117d606

Lewellyn grabbed 76f65aa9b6 his hand 5843c989d0 briefly and a56109df3b let go. He dug into the 3de6d1396f palm with his fingernails 151bf3c0b0 and covered the wound 7698fe5bfd that had already been 1a0ed99598 stabbed by the fragments. Blood flowed down 17ffed693a his hand and 055260e12a onto the floor.06f7a88155cb3e0e

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 84eefe61a17d5f39

“What’s that?”53aa82435f57973b

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 4168a2736f53d411

Shavonne’s eyes were wide open. Blood was really helpful. In no time, on Shavonne’s face, instead of remembering the meeting with that man, there were only signs of concern about Lewellyn’s safety. It was 44aa6d03f5 a wise 9ef8f8122f choice to 90617b9b50 hurt myself, Lewellyn 34493c2dc0 thought inwardly. He looked down at 06e47afca2 his hand to answer.d5fbaa71ecddb093

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 915485d8a738099b

“Blood.”a9193f504ed50295

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“No, I know it’s blood…”2d8d98803967dc87

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 8e8f0baf7153f98d

Shavonne came up and checked his hand. “Let me look.” He liked Shavonne lowering his head while looking at his bloody hand and clicking his tongue after seeing the five cuts.aa150f5aed4f8e1d

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Shavonne stopped the bleeding. He liked Shavonne’s touch of pressing the wound with a cloth. It was warm. His mind, which had been overheated, gradually cooled down. The desires that emerged at the surface of his consciousness also subsided.279ccdf417d0d712

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 897ea974225d301a

How long have 388d0d759e we been like 8d0d37d15d this. “The bleeding should have stopped, right?” Shavonne took off the cloth. Shavonne’s hand, which was pressing Lewellyn’s wound, left. Lewellyn was determined to flinch. He was afraid it might have stopped bleeding already. A belated regret came to his mind that he should have covered it with more fragments or pressed his nails. Fortunately, however, the blood didn’t stop. Lewellyn gave a sigh of relief at the sense of blood flowing down his flesh.a05fd4a12428414b

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 cc7c5b81aaac4145

Five, ten, fifteen minutes… Lewellyn had to tremble with anxiety every time Shavonne checked whether it had stopped bleeding or not. He was afraid Shavonne’s touch that gently pressed the wound would leave, in case the blood had stopped.b2c1c180baa6f2e2

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 b154162d7a6eff78

It stopped bleeding da21edc519 after 20 minutes.The blood has already stopped… What can I do about it? He felt bitter again. Thinking there might be no more blood, Lewellyn looked down at his hand. Thumb, black finger, middle finger, ring finger, and small finger caught his eyes. Small finger…Lewellyn’s eyes stopped on it. The thought that it might be okay to cut it quickly crossed his mind. Lewellyn was a fast-paced man. At the next moment, if Shavonne had not warned, “How did you make such a cut? You don’t even like seeing blood… Be careful.” Lewellyn must have put the idea of cutting off his small finger into practice.74daf4b3d95acce1

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 a18e93e062423f8f

“Didn’t it hurt?”f452b1c8cbd6a150

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 830bce8a3fff7add

Shavonne washed Lewellyn’s hands and asked. Lewellyn, looking down at the floor, raised his head and looked at Shavonne. Did I get hurt?It was a 195a36193f strange question.Did I get hurt? Was I hurt? I’m not sure. It was something d3aeb05183 he had never 00d00d27f6 thought about.cca6ce18586e65a3

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 234522d31027152c

“It hurt.”e066ad1f7d3b04fb

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 cedc50e503c5d588

But he answered eb6f47aa76 like that. If he f3151ff225 said he c9c8485c38 was hurt, 32b546df68 Shavonne would ad60dd52f5 take care 96ebc1f2bb of Lewellyn. If he didn’t, Shavonne 4195e03113 would take away all 4754345806 his attention, pity, and 03bf1354e9 compassion.985b01a1418f32fb

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 5f21ac1359f3427a

“It still hurts.”c75034d05e1ce2b6

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As his red 04ab0e1acc ears cooled down, 9270110761 Shavonne looked as 8751323431 usual. Lewellyn finally regained peace ed41e21fc0 of mind.7200d44708a4e255

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 67d48fbf799ee7b3

“Oh, by the way, who was the person that stopped by earlier?”8701a2b5564a3048

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 0241ea03a95391ba

It was a c57a9f8ac0 question that had f3a5d162a9 been hovering in 4a59fafd1b his mouth all 6828241bb5 the time, but 7f38bc5891 he pretended it 9d4f7bab87 had come up 416a710a51 by chance. Shavonne explained 1851d70807 it without 7cd27e5503 any doubt.e42b8e15884620c1

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 02175c8ec42aeb32

“It was the editor of a publishing company. Remember that I told you recently that I kept getting scam letters under the guise of a publishing company? I guess it wasn’t a scam.”3bab01c128c8bad9

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 a04d8401fd659af5

There was a faint sign of excitement on Shavonne’s face as he was speaking. Lewellyn chewed on his lips. Lewellyn wasn’t the reason he was all excited. There were different kinds of happiness an editor could give and happiness a lover could give.4b88cff621a02adc

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 a787c7e26e6cece6

‘If he f8e4e1f920 were really 898a1d52d2 the editor 624a844faf of a ca44292318 publishing company…’886b560167866817

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 4ea748547fdb7b42

A thought ceb8a53f6b flashed through 71902c44b8 his mind.692d19815de110ab

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 32e823179256c019

The judgment that he was harmful didn’t simply stem from jealousy. If anyone asked what the evidence was, Lewellyn would answer it as a hunch. A hunch. I mean, a hunch to recognize his own kind.db446bcbfa9bf5bf

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 ed3393d8c3a064ea

The way he approached him was the same as the way Lewellyn used to. Digging into the opponent’s weakness. There was only one difference. Lewellyn sought Shavonne’s solitude, and he sought Shavonne’s desire.8b8e7b438c465c43

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 031fa0cb3017ec79

– What you read is what I wrote based on the publisher’s guidelines, not my preference. Go find John Gray and Adam Isle, not me…a14a8f78dc639663

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 83c73fd81c0c1a41

So when ec6bc99fde Shavonne said 62fcddb27f that, he d337a6947c replied.b406b22486d88563

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 d30246e1fd6d8911

— It’s got to be you, Mr. Shavonne.ec96485461a322c2

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 19f71b009e760e9f

Shavonne had always been hidden by others. John Gray and Adam Isle were the ‘others’. If you tell Shavonne that you are not a shadow, that you are not a person to be hidden… It would be quite effective.5d96e7d1e5fe0a03

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 2e9673cbccdea2ea

— I’ve been an editor for eight years alone. I’ve never read a novel as good as yours in those eight years.e236935ae7d86c7b

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 d5ee86b4a40e6a4d

Shavonne’s manuscript was repeatedly rejected. If you tell Shavonne, who must feel like shit because he thinks his manuscript is crappy, that you’ve never read a manuscript as good as his… Yeah, this works pretty good as well.025732aab8586f9d

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 dbda6534a45eca4e

— You’re exceptional.42fa7e06cc39020b

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 36f6afbe64c7b38d

If you tell someone who has never been called exceptional that he’s exceptional… This had a really high effect.074563fa4f98b95c

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 297be242eee1aab7

Of course, Lewellyn may have been wrong. He could really be an editor, he could really be in love with Shavonne’s novel, and he could really think Shavonne was exceptional.f4338cb803c7296a

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 e6d30b0d3c5800e6

But what if he’s not?3258a170e25e9d7b

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 f13fe1933cf446b8

What if he pretended to be the editor of a publishing company that fell in love with Shavonne’s novel and praised Shavonne as being exceptional?fe877d021a050ef5

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 9880d1790aae893f

When he learned the truth, he couldn’t even guess how deeply Shavonne would be hurt. The higher you go, the more painful it is to fall. Your wings would be broken, your bones crushed, and your blood would burst like a waterfall. He couldn’t allow anyone to do that to him. That was why Lewellyn had to check his hunch.043b6a1e8c13c286

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 5fbcb96e1b79e8e3

If he were for real, he would congratulate Shavonne. Of course, no matter how close the relationship between the two would be, he should also be careful that they don’t get too close.00987be29bc8cf32

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 5c181a9af409a00b

But if he’s lying…5e50f24586afce58

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 4c91d9d0cb4a8570

“An editor?”28236711db2ce1ea

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 3f292d29fa0ef5f2

Lewellyn pretended to ccb71b64bb be interested.afa34920c2dfcbb9

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 33216e60dffba221

“What kind of publisher is it?”37873203f7ab0710

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 c7eb1bf094d05abe

Lewellyn naturally asked the question so that it would not be seen that he was wary of him. But the following answer… was not good.206172737de27bee

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 5f020507f80bc9bb

“You wouldn’t know even if I told you.”19b93efeb4f437a8

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 4885ee6f15745ded

There were two chances 5568f4b5c2 left. If he 0150fd24b4 dug more bc36733ad0 than that, edd9c5089f he would ff378fa05e figure it 23e232f901 out. Lewellyn said it ca4ab1b4e5 with a nonchalant c8be97ed7f attitude.4f37493e127585f9

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 5a742d4ff71441bc

“I might.”78b183a957afc624

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Shavonne laughed. As expected, a 7e0e790a50 bad answer followed.bd1125dd372e549b

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 81455ff8b9ad7729

“Huh, you mean someone like you who has never touched a book?”e6cfda6f77a8ebf0

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 ab6c0f9dfcd3ce76

One last chance. Lewellyn frowned, b09d2f5eb2 pretending to dd15749278 have been 128c4c8166 hurt.381e0cab110ef6d9

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 ed50807c62727098

“It upsets me if you look down on me too much. I love books.”c3aeb14ccc068678

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 744ff1feaadb0465

Shavonne laughed d52b7aa212 once again. As expected, a 3daf278267 bad answer followed.795ef8e401ef1677

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 2b3b3c76599d4c18

“Does a book lover write New Year as New Yeer?”f1d5931cca6f9d0d

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 5d6d80ab874a4682

He was convinced 954d9eb71b that he would 19e89ffcd7 not be able 383fd05eb5 to find out 2a21872b9a who he was cd296b65ed through conversation. Lewellyn gave ab9ca1e3d8 up on a4687feb9d the questioning. Even if he didn’t f406fc7686 ask, there was a fd4d81c63c way to find out 7eac6e089b who the person was.0c5b18d0a2e3e246

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 8068242872239bfb

***454e4663b9350c7f

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 0c48691b5afef257

“How can you say you want to have sex when your hands are like this?”dfba94349167fc86

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 1f656bf71e73cf7c

“When did I have sex with my hand? It was with something else.”f799b073164820c7

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“No… Anyway, what will you do if you can’t use your hands…”a8264ab17c8e9747

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 8118a8471b3cd28b

“I’ll do it with your tongue instead. That’s a good thing, right? I remember Mr. Shavonne liking how I used my tongue more than my hands.”d3635eb43e49fe83

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 aeae089815ce18e2

Sex was rough that night. Usually, Lewellyn used to be considerate during sex because of Shavonne’s pace, as all the exercise he did was sex, walking, and going to the store, but today he wasn’t.dc2c76db6c1e3ecc

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 cd7c8da22cb59f54

“Five minutes… just five minutes off.”0ae1aae5bf71027c

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 8b20b36f6cb8defe

They were in a dark room without a single light. In the darkness, Shavonne gasped. The sweat flowing down Shavonne’s cheek shone faintly and then disappeared. Lewellyn laughed.4ad74467fa097d7c

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 05c6f220ca983b5f

“I must have been in heat, as Shavonne said. I can’t stay still for five seconds, let alone five minutes.”e718c80aed20ad9b

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 d1b707d6e917504a

Then Shavonne spoke quickly.a16e9735371af509

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 b86f435ccfc43140

“Slowly… do it slowly.”4556761db3d1a465

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 8dcb1e656ca0277a

“I’m already doing it slowly.”0a1db7b052f657ee

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 f14c9f1580863e36

“I-I’m… at the bottom… of… of my energy.”d5f47b1212a68842

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 5a9e7285c75a3110

“My weak Mr. Shavonne, don’t you think you need to improve your physical strength? Mn? Am I wrong?”22427e223f923b1d

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 842d094e7f7b292b

Then he bit, sucked a62ff0026a and licked.574c4863977421f3

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 34750b21bf27dabc

Shavonne was out of energy when the sex was over. He couldn’t even lift a fingertip and just lay around. Even when Lewellyn called him, he didn’t even open his eyes nor answered. He fell asleep as soon as he was done having sex. Lewellyn smiled faintly. Just as he expected. And, just as he intended.8fcc7f535c1410e1

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 ff3bfd959a826a86

He lay in bed side by side with Shavonne. With his chin on the pillowcase, he looked down at Shavonne. Shavonne’s face was dimly visible in the dark. Closed eyes, nose, closed lips… White forehead with messy black hair. He thought of sweeping his hair, but didn’t. Lewellyn’s hands were cold enough to wake up a sleeping person just by touching them. Like a corpse, or a hand colder than a corpse. That’s how people used to call it.1807638773a49456

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 8794b8ddaca86bb9

Looking into his lover’s face was never boring. Ten, twenty, thirty minutes… Looking at him for an hour, the sound of rain began to come from a distance. It was a drizzle that soaked the nighte599900430e60c39

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.35efe159c3c52395

He rose from bed without making a sound. He was careful with his footsteps across the house and lit the candles carefully so that Shavonne wouldn’t hear the rattling sound of candlesticks. It was a small flame, but it did its work.b8b471def284243d

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 bdd072005cd3640b

He searched the trash can for a letter from the publisher. Letters from private horsemen’s associations, letters from grocery stores, letters from brothels… There was a rustling sound and it soon permeated into silence and disappeared.de420dfbbe22c1a6

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 ed301c70bb91cf5f

It didn’t take a long time to find the card of the publisher. The paper was crumpled in a mess. Lewellyn recalled Shavonne, who was crumpling the paper and throwing it away, saying, “There’s another scam letter.”aeb5645fd89c6fa7

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 7b38264781b54681

He tried to spread the paper, but there was a loud rustling sound. His body became stiff. Fortunately, Shavonne didn’t wake up when he quickly looked at the corner. He seemed to have fallen asleep so hard that he thought that he had been too rough during sex.9f86526cdf795631

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 8a26e03463273d88

Lewellyn grabbed bcacdb4d26 the piece a73e7d7519 of paper. He quietly left the f3751452e8 house, putting his heart ec20f8bdf8 and soul into making e4aae86310 sure that there was 0346328a48 no sound of extinguishing 306dbdd980 candles, footsteps, or closing 68e81b7f70 doors. He left the 96f93c4038 apartment house and 774d4effb3 stood under the bafdc094a8 eaves. The dull lights 865776dd1b of gas lamps aa784a360c installed at the 67391b73c2 eaves of apartment 299f936d31 houses lit up cfefc865bc Lewellyn.d443fae5ea9a1b4a

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It was ec13e25ac3 night and 1256fc91aa it was c3483c9862 raining quietly. Grass, trees, and 8c88545178 fallen leaves on 17db885a65 the side of 7a9d638880 the road, which d7e832cb18 he could only fb7e92a3af see its black 01eb1d490f outlines, were soaked.92adf9ce398348f2

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 eb5ca313c4c34c31

Lewellyn spread the piece 5ea2c39171 of paper. No matter how e7fa8e8b15 messy it was, d22c348721 it had to 7dbab5432e be unfolded carefully. There was 3191008ced a rustling f0c7e1bc1f sound, but 1e0a4c7841 it was ec02b57c0f faded by b9e53f5250 the sound b4551521b2 of rain.0481c58d70931688

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 53704e2befbfb888

The card was filled with words. Not only the card but also the letters were wrinkled, making the words “Dear sir” look wrong. If he read it, he would find out which editor of which publisher sent it. It was the moment he was about to read the next paragraph.3fa1a027623f69bc

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 4113d4dd4306a085

“Mr. Lewellyn?”fca98ee213aec75b

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 2fcbce10c0c522bd

The hand holding the 51250f1a3c piece of paper stopped.70871163068fee89

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 41be026bfeeca331

“What are you doing there?”c39101f01565618b

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 40d4307745b7ad59

He heard a familiar 3c7d32b739 voice from behind his 5ed5466a9f back. It was Shavonne.3f4509634869c93d

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