MLCD Chapter 1.9

The world 8c37461f84 was dark.93104cb5f4499fd2

Until now, the lights were turning on intermittently, but seeing that that wasn’t the case now, the gas light’s life seemed to be at its end. Shavonne was greatful because that mean he wouldn’t have to face the murderer. Shavonne might follow the gas lamp to the afterlife in less than ten minutes, though.bfd6c9b287a10b27

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Before dying, Shavonne 26de2801f5 had a question.2ae64420673b5caa

“So…”019b68e6b52d6b8f

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Shavonne started talking.a0db4b61274b51cf

“I invited a murderer?”8f4bb17648439bf0

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“Right.”29139ecd70ca53bd

Lewellyn was smiling.57b3391f5d6543e0

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“A young, handsome and cute serial killer who likes you very much.”03da821b879128f9

The person he invited 866e90ec3a home for the first 5d52f647d6 time in his 29 7c4111e72b years that he could ef2b2b66e9 have kept it a 82a99a4cd6 secret (unfortunately) was a 41941c3665 murderer. Shavonne thought he was 5438a363b3 unlucky. Really.f67cba2318ab9699

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Shavonne dated a total of 29 people over the past 8 years. They had various jobs as the number wasn’t small, but it was like typists, horsemen, chimney sweep s, osteopaths and even playboys.73036180e85b18e6

Until now, Shavonne thought that his lover’s job didn’t matter, but he was mistaken. He realized the moment he knew it wasn’t an illusion that he confessed being the serial killer that had made a commotion in Ira Street for a while.59efb9454b60dd02

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“Just in case you didn’t notice, I just confessed to Shavonne.”8f77a417b7eb7e50

…The killer didn’t even allow Shavonne time to be pessimistic about his situation. Why does he have to confirm it when the situation was already miserable?85753d30cc3370bf

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“…I know.”22b9af357705c492

Shavonne replied. It was true. He wished he hadn’t known, but (unfortunately) Shavonne knew that the killer’s expression “really really like” didn’t mean respect, friendship or favorability.368ac19b97c153b5

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The rebuttal was bfd2195943 immediately heard.4837d2b23400de66

“You’re lying. If you knew, you wouldn’t have reacted like that.”72db6de19481f2ef

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“Do I have to react?”e18fa7f79726a94b

“Of course. I was waiting for a ‘I like you very very much, too’.”8fdaf5e3b988f793

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He wasn’t wrong. Reactions such as “I’ve been waiting for you to say it” and “I like you very, very much, too,” which were used as examples by the murderer, were common. Also, some like “I didn’t want you to say that” or, “I like you very, very much, but just as a friend.”8c6f0eba6daf3ff2

But those reactions were only possible on the premise that the confessor wasn’t a murderer. Shavonne decided to react, not lie, without defying the killer.e26d821032f9c8d2

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“I feel like fainting.”67d19c6967ab8415

Of course, that meant that he wanted to run away from here. But …f064330db9958301

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“I should’ve told you earlier if I knew you’d love it so much that you’d faint. I’m an idiot.”636c393bf5ff14af

…The meaning understood by the murderer seemed to be somewhat far from what Shavonne’s ‘real meaning’.551bb195c6283be0

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Shavonne was silent. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to correct him, but he had to be careful because it might speed up his death (in about ten minutes). He wanted to live even for ten more minutes. In those ten minutes, it was less than likely that the murderer would be struck by a lightning or a sudden outbreak of war, but there could even be a miracle of the police coming in and arresting the murderer.070583d9a6e01d4b

He knew those thoughts were useless, but he couldn’t let go of hope because he was now living a reality where more absurd things happened frequently.8db8fc6452793d94

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“Why don’t you say anything?”592ce07487853191

Sure enough, the killer didn’t even allow Shavonne time to hang on to hope.a2e4c7cf05bf3567

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“Don’t tell me… you don’t like me?”1bf528095d16152f

“That’s…”5c1dcd3470b9b217

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Shavonne paused. He was 77a7335e4d worried that ab11b7d307 he might 716259b70f get killed a386a1f1ef as a 956c3e23b5 revenge if 768e1e151a he said 61d6730571 that he 6ccb441fc4 didn’t want bb30c65c6f to date b2d2eb672b a murderer.2def6893d040a074

“That’s?”03312c894dfcf064

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Was Shavonne’s pause unsatisfactory? The killer’s voice was fierce. Shavonne dozed off unconsciously. Shavonne’s only answer was, “I don’t want to date a murderer,” so he had to come with another one, but he couldn’t think of anything. His head was spinning, but before he knew it, his mouth was saying an unfiltered answer.57d4979db08d618c

“I-I only date full-time employees. Not part-timers.”8997877c37f6cc8c

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Of course, it was a lie. Chimney sweeps or osteopaths who dated Shavonne weren’t suitable jobs either. Not to mention the one who used to be a playboy.680a48eab857f1a5

The murderer didn’t give up. Rather than giving up, he held both of his hands and his eyes shined. If there was no faint moonlight in the room, he wouldn’t have to see it. He sighed.3d423aa1bb75821d

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“Will you go out with me if I get hired as a hitman?”f856d8f8df67c1cc

That was terrible.0cecaf90be85f5cc

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“That’s not it…” Shavonne hurriedly tried to take care of it. “I mean, change what you do. You have to be a typist or a horseman or a chimney sweep  or something.”84bcaedd29ef8448

“Will you go out with me then?”6c160e51f609220c

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“…”6e1a8ce4d284f7ce

Shavonne couldn’t answer. Even if he changed to be a typist, a horseman, or a chimney sweep, a killer was a killer. Aside from the unpleasant change of job as a murderer, there were more than one or two dangerous problems like being a time bomb. First of all, there was a possibility that Lewellyn would be arrested.b3eb7a02759e6f01

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If Lewellyn was arrested, Shavonne was also a problem to be branded as a murderer’s lover, but the bigger problem was that Shavonne could be accused of being an accomplice. If he was accused of being an accomplice, he would disappear with Lewellyn being given his sentence, and if he was  accused of aiding and abetting, he would leave Lewellyn and rot in prison for the rest of his life.a3ddd4b06f123885

Secondly, it was his personality. What if Lewellyn killed Shavonne after a lover’s quarrel? Bad love ruined a person. August Basch was the living witness. Even August, who wasn’t a good man but not a felon, turned into an extreme stalker after being notified of the breakup, and Lewellyn, who was a felon from the start… He didn’t even want to imagine what a horrible son of a bitch he would be.75041a17bbb2ec74

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Just in 2ce649de75 time, the be2e8eae1b murderer started 9873ebfb78 talking. The point 562ba2c2ea was crystal 6041320089 clear, as 766e8dff15 if he 7adc6f56dc had read 2b660ae705 what Shavonne 636f8790b6 was thinking.d293e1bc8cd56749

“As you know, I’m a bad person.”dd427933bec18773

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He knew. He got sick because 59f048a925 he knew it too b007707da1 well. Shavonne nodded violently as c07c467545 an agreement.e85615a5028fdf0b

“You know, being a bad person doesn’t mean being a bad lover.”40be39f03c8b4501

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…Who knows. Shavonne stopped nodding in disapproval… The murderer continued his words without caring.28021667a934d400

“You know, I’m young, tall, handsome and rich.”08c242170d071aaa

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Three of the four prideful things the murderer said were right. But he couldn’t know whether the other last one was true or not. Yeah, it was only natural because he had never checked it.97b9eed2be93d46f

Whether he was 27c40e8149 a bad person 96db9bc67b or a bad 74555c1039 lover, being young, 9102716d3c tall, handsome and 14e8b9c569 rich was an 94e2530166 essential thing to f826dff693 know before dating, d03b52fefa but there was d311069bae something else. Shavonne asked.5764fdbaae01a0a8

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“If I refuse, do I die?”5df18c28a8c8a8ea

A faint moonlight got through the open window. The moon, which had been covered by clouds, was revealed and hidden, and then revealed again. It was a moonlight that seemed like a flickering fire because it kept hiding. The killer blinked as if he didn’t understand. The long eyelashes surrounding his eyes were bluish because of the light. Shavonne asked again.1100423d40b65c5c

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“Will you kill me if I refuse?”4700176625931095

“Don’t get me wrong, Mr. Shavonne.” The killer’s voice in response was sweet. There was an unbelievably soft smile on his lips. “I don’t kill people in vain.”0ede4c84532f21c4

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“But if you’re rejected, you can’t help but feel bitterness.” He tried to add calmly, but his saliva was drying up. “You might want to kill me or something.”1bff255030bc6612

Trying to 7439485c8b kill someone b298fefa1a just because 84ecaed245 you were 3b0d24c30b rejected. If it 3a0df3c6cf were the 4a6477a1b3 Shavonne of bf58af96ae one year 2067f65540 ago, he 30526853aa would have bd9afaeba5 said it b0f28aaf5a was nonsense 205e9107a3 that would 3faa730fa2 only happen 3c59f47c74 in a eec5c858ef novel, but a113b7ba62 after suffering 5ec914ab09 from an 0155913be4 ex-lover who 00cd82ab2e tried to da2ddcab24 take his 97f9d5fb9a life while 4a686b5deb stalking Shavonne 3ade1fd70b just because 37c54a940a he broke 3d5e3339d4 up with 9fcfbb02e9 him, the 591a63115d world was 31187fe5b3 crazier than bf5292eb4a Shavonne thought.5b2010e61ac93b27

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“If I were going to kill you because I wanted to, I would come at you every time I wanted to hug you and kiss you, and I would rape you whenever I wanted to.”f285eabbdbbf829a

The murderer f1bd33c82b smiled broadly.715cdce2c32c0dd6

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“The only people who can’t stand their desires are children and animals, and as you see, I’m not a child nor an animal. I can’t be a child as I’m so sexy, and I can’t be an animal as I’m so handsome, right?”eb0a3bf269ee4a11

…Yeah, if he were a child or an animal, he wouldn’t have made Shavonne feel as dumb as he did now. He was relieved when Lewellyn told him that he wouldn’t be killed even if he refused. Those thoughts were the half of the ones in his mind.4984dd2f17db5fac

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The other half was…abd8d7770b60990a

“Are you going to take the apartment from me?”f944eabf37291e3e

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He couldn’t help it even though it seemed like a pathetic question. Whether the killer saw Shavonne as a snob or not, that matter made Shavonne ponder after being guaranteed his life.2c650611ffe8ba88

He didn’t want to be called a snob, though. Shavonne didn’t mean to ask, but he didn’t want to be kicked out of the house and sit on the street in exchange.73acc28a409fd293

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It wasn’t like that from the beginning. Shavonne followed the ideals when he was a minor. He lived as a good, gentle and right person as the world taught him. When the head of the orphanage told him to hit the bully, Shavonne refused, and when the boys and girls at the orphanage knifed, stoned or trampled on their feet a frog, Shavonne stopped them, and when a gang that was working with the orphanage ordered him to pickpocket a passerby, Shavonne didn’t do it.4b1f95125fdfe18f

And all that came back to him. The orphanage director starved Shavonne. It took a week for the director’s anger to subside, and during that week, Shavonne didn’t eat a single meal. If he hadn’t dug through the leftovers, he would have starved to death.6eb558e14441517e

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The boys 46b3e55084 and girls 7533ef777d at the 88e13b0a55 orphanage began a74d495a3b to reject 86109f8f89 Shavonne. There was a 08b66f334c case where Shavonne 8eb25b898c was lynched about 3617592cac a month after aabf4caa7b the frog incident. Shavonne was on 2088d6423e the blacklist of 9d9be74098 the criminal organization 9c5ea60936 for refusing the 0016df6135 order of pickpocket, 9c48c3a500 and he was 29b999aa74 also on the 90f0c1a6d7 blacklist of the 5fff2555c0 orphanage, as it 976880db68 was closely linked 7706d02f25 to the criminal 0ba42eb55b organization. The orphanage was famous b594ee1320 for providing jobs when fc5f7678d6 a student left the dc2625c606 school as an adult, 9dfdd47b21 and Shavonne was an cca201edbd exception to the aid.4d83b2db10c88f1e

No one helped Shavonne. Many people who praised Shavonne as a good, gentle, and right boy didn’t give him bread and didn’t give him a house nor did they protect Shavonne from anyone who looked down on him.b73c54dab315bd53

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The law couldn’t force ideals on those whose survival wasn’t guaranteed. Shavonne wanted to live. He didn’t want to starve, he didn’t want to be beaten, and he didn’t want to be disrespected for being someone good, gentle, or right.9762b56497bdbcd0

“You may call me crass, but don’t take away the apartment…”9b0080394040d732

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“What do you mean?”62e9dbb8eb790754

The murderer cut him 1756aac7f7 off. Shavonne, who e631298b16 let out 84f266b083 his voice acf732d3c7 with all d9ee633148 his might, 086870c20a had a b93833f7c2 straight attitude.af38e5596702e1a8

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“How could I take the apartment? If it were mine, I would have taken it away, but it’s the apartment that I and Shavonne rent together. Have you forgotten?”daa6c113dae7d394

“That’s…”3d60577cbed0e8ed

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Shavonne shut up after trying to respond, “That’s nothing but a pretense”. Shavonne and Lewellyn knew who was the actual tenant between Shavonne, who hadn’t paid a penny for the rent, and Lewellyn, who paid alone for 30 months’ rent.4b6a2ff22280668b

If the conviction that he wouldn’t be killed even if he refused reassured a part of his mind, that he wouldn’t be kicked out even if he refused reassured the rest. However, it was inevitable that some of the anxiety didn’t disappear, sticking to one corner of his mind.0c5aa0d33817bead

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Just in time, 42025d63fe Lewellyn opened his 6747f40a6a mouth. The remark c69448b9d9 hit the 7a70295bd1 nail on a59b912bf3 the head 7fa41237d8 as if ff94442622 he had 4640b3de5a seen through 62083c4645 what anxiety 6e8b94711f Shavonne was 61f67d0d35 feeling.c7001b386ce1aa53

“I won’t hurt you.”1c93b5bfa0ede6b2

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The yellow eyes 26d7ce1c69 stared at Shavonne. The unblinking dbc4bf192a eyes felt bf50a20fa5 like those e5d858d5fc of a 01d019720a dead body.3f4da58d34a17c46

“No matter what.”2329154e66fc3bef

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That was enough. Before answering yes or no to the killer’s love confession, he checked all the things he would have checked to an ordinary person, so it was time.e5f95dc156568415

“Mr. Shavonne.”417a81818d5d2625

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Lewellyn’s voice was sweet. The person who called the name “Shavonne” so affectionately was no other than Lewellyn, and if he tried to recall someone who did the same, no particular face came to his mind. Maybe Lewellyn was the first. Maybe he was the last time.b95cef60c4e3bd96

Lewellyn cut to the chase while he was thinking. It seemed that I wasn’t arguing, but as a result, it was the point that we were discussing throughout the exchange.a28226d3c0f1e446

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“Will you go out with me?”4d8452168c7f5591

The moonlight flowed in. The wind was blowing, ac4fbd1f68 and every time a af9aaaf312 huge tree near the 418b1a8dda window shook against it 7a8bbc9602 and leaves were flying. It was a c94195c21a night full of 44e3695aef darkness.3ba9ea70e5892e17

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Shavonne replied.762ac5e3955fefe3

“No.”db9644472f071130

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That was the e1b26748e5 only answer Shavonne 9067412b94 could say.a1dbd54cf472a0f3

***d09f22555df967e2

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Shavonne woke up 0368395229 at the sensation 9d9a8cc008 of the up-coming 8d03ff984a spring. Going from the ceiling 6771bb8ed9 to the wall and 5a35b17d99 from the wall to 13f2d0307e the window, his eyes 1c6870a101 stopped at the slightly e037a57458 opened window. Because of the 8e02076826 spring breeze coming 35ff6fd355 through the window, 5629f31e83 the curtains were ed7aa76878 moving forwards and 65a9f0ba5b inwards.0547b2eba785b146

It was morning. The sunshine of the sunny day lit up the house without a single cloud to be seen. For a moment, he felt drowsy. A smirk came up over Shavonne’s face as he stared at the open window and the curtains. Shavonne must have been crazy last night to sleep with the window open all night, or he was so numb that he forgot to lock it before going to bed.cbb29ab8e7dde4f2

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If he caught a cold, that would be a problem in its own way, but Shavonne’s bewilderment now wasn’t just because of the cold. Sleeping without locking the windows on Ira Street, which was like a nest of criminals, was like showing off your confidence, even if you were on the fifth floor. Whether your property is stolen, your life is lost, or even both, it will not be a very pleasant experience.36a1333da5336cb1

He stood up. The blanket covering his body slipped down. He couldn’t help but remember last night, that made him forget to lock the door.b8bdd8001999a9fc

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— Will a8a9ebde58 you go 448d8e374e out with 1a7092a9ae me?36b89b22a248dd61

Lewellyn’s face was covered by the night. The only things that weren’t, were his yellow eyes and blue cheeks under the moonlight.c867c74cada668b1

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The moonlight was fcbee650cc flowing calmly. The wind blew 60127af3c4 and every time 9dd1ae2ee3 a huge tree 549849205b near the window 017f3f5368 shook against it 5dda8787f4 and the sound 8bcc4dfd74 of leaves flying ac2386a104 was heard.ce9ca8eb63601b17

— No.7c2c8cb84027b97e

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Everything remained the same ca961dae72 when Shavonne refused. The moonlight was b1a2277b7e flowing calmly. The wind 34f6d6db3a blew and 019b81b2ad every time 68dbd5f637 a huge 31b1cba051 tree near 4548a6b9bf the window 38339e47c7 shook against b18a038101 it and 5c746b3537 the sound 9d954867dd of leaves ab0eec0cc9 flying was 2381014184 heard.c97ca3a5e300283b

Silence was all over. Like a hundred years 94992f236b in a second, a bc598c669a minute full of silence 41df17ee35 felt like a thousand be0005d930 years. Shavonne felt anxiety rising 1c0187aa03 slowly in his stomach.563aecfa254254e2

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Did he believe too much what Lewellyn said, that he wouldn’t harm Shavonne even if I refused? What if he was lying. Even if it wasn’t a lie, it could be all talk before being rejected. Now, after being rejected, the story could be different. Just as he thought, Lewellyn broke the silence.b4300dd4efee2234

— Ah.c1c0f0940563d906

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There was no exclamation. It was an unpredictable voice that he didn’t know if it meant “Then there’s nothing I can do” or “Then, die.”f50f44b7f9e7d0f2

Lewellyn added…3437d03908aac7bf

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— I see.fd6274255fe6edde

That was all.7acee370954e3f4a

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The reaction was quite different from usual. Of course, he couldn’t be calm as if nothing had happened since he was rejected, but this reaction was also awkward. He didn’t know that he was the one who caused such a reaction, but Shavonne couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable. He constantly thought about whether he had to pretend to hesitate before he replied “No”or if he a6f7167906 had refused too de268ceb74 firmly.71c03a89a6b547b8

— … Are you okay?155e0bd726a3166e

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In the end, Shavonne couldn’t help but ask. And he regretted it as soon as he asked. He hoped he wouldn’t get the wrong idea, thinking that he’s teasing him. Shavonne had nothing to say if Lewellyn scolded him.c0e50d799f059302

Fortunately, Lewellyn didn’t scold him, but…019827fadd9e3a91

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— Yeah, of course.578502a43a7bfeeb

He added with a d1c8d9c825 bright smile.efb7f33d9f48e5a9

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— I’m okay. I couldn’t be better. I’m fine.ff46823a455ec3bf

…Is it because of the feeling he gives that the bright smile looks unnatural? Shavonne felt uncomfortable.73e895f14a2feb97

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Before he knew it, a26b746eb3 Lewellyn was at the b961870cb0 front door. As if to 566d5f02b9 recall what he 8a5dcd56d8 had forgotten, Lewellyn d59248917e turned his head 56005a0db7 suddenly, looked at 7478280a4e Shavonne, and turned c8b46f50e5 the front door 91651fcc42 handle. Of course, what f0091e3dfe Lewellyn says…3e393ce727c251f1

— Then, thank 3449217b63 you for the c8f83a3980 meal.f456e80adec4c61b

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— No 1b57ffdd62 need to 3ac3022fb5 thank me.66bd4eb42c2f34ff

— I’m going to miss the ashy flavor of the roasted beef all night long and the pudding that the world’s best chef made after 30 years of retirement too.d2ee38d0a57bfef7

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— …098ef71ccdd5764f

Shavonne didn’t answer anything. He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t help but notice that Lewellyn wasn’t neither fine nor better.3421f1a8d01a841a

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The front door opened, 5941476ff3 so the hallway could a0777fe050 be seen. Lewellyn was standing on f5578e00dc the border between Room d0ea65c8cb 303 and the corridor. If he took a 2cdf2a59f9 step forward, he would aadc40b3f1 be in the corridor, 6af7a918f8 and if he took f6bff68341 a step back, it 91bd4d0f43 would be room 303.dea9640ac8afb741

It was an accident that Shavonne started talking at that moment. A literal ‘accident’ that took place without self-awareness.44d563d2f49122a0

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• We can be friends, right?

Ttuk.4ec8396c6389c3af

Lewellyn’s body stopped. His back, which didn’t even move, was all black. He couldn’t tell what Lewellyn was looking at because he could only see his back.42d78e9bd51ff2c4

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But the next moment, Lewellyn casually turned to Shavonne as if it had all been a lie. He had a smiling face but his eyes weren’t. He wished he hadn’t noticed it but unfortunately Shavonne had.3a1ed68c555e15c5

— You’re ec29844899 too cruel, 1ebe714611 Mr. Shavonne.cfc47915660698ec

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He said in a light voice with a smile, but there was a deep wound behind it. He wished he hadn’t noticed it but unfortunately Shavonne had.6fa0db427e80113c

— There’s no dbbdbde36e need to be f9d605c018 so heartless, is d51e40b1c8 it?67c229e0d2b2469f

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It was because 7c594aabc9 of that word 064476e455 that Shavonne had 3bd914225b been tossing and 8beddc002c turning all night af77fd0e3b in bed. He did mean it 9f0467b43b when he asked to 5b185381ea still be friends. The idea was 72e90b47e8 to greet each 3de9bd1cea other in the 8d152c0962 hallway of the a8889c41a0 apartment building in 07b315bc29 Ira, put snacks e50519668f in the mailbox, 5dc8cb0577 and become friends d314ee99c7 who often eat e6dde9b299 at home or 3132a1921c at a restaurant. He thought 1ea91bd624 that would 00fcd4e92a be fine.8ecdf0fb6e3e0711

The problem was bf0e5c8f39 that Shavonne was 2e50aaf787 overlooking the fact 2fb052f124 that it was 3aed73c311 rude to say 2d671a6fad so to a 4f1c1ede74 person who had dc528962d2 just been rejected. Was Lewellyn feeling compassionate e513a12d68 or sympathetic? Or did 197f667f4e he feel b2132253ce ridiculed?1e19df69628b50d7

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Shavonne wanted to 24cef7ef73 strangle the himself 13b83f6d79 of the past, 953962d9a7 saying,‘Can we be friends?‘. If he could, he wanted to bite his tongue so he wouldn’t repeat to be such a dick.60f88f49332fbfdf

Damn. I’m a piece of shit. I can’t even respect someone who confessed with all his heart and keep the minimum courtesy to him. Shit, shit, shit.38ad83e69e2a80b7

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Shavonne couldn’t bear the shame and put his head on the head of the bed. As he felt a sense of shame, he was going to bang his head several times, but he gave up. It was because it was obvious that if he didn’t give up, he wouldn’t have any brain left. He didn’t want to break his head trying to relieve himself. It was even worse to become a cold body with a broken head.5750acfd5d7bacd8

Struggling with such regret and shame, Shavonne forgot the relatively “small” things he had to do. Things like arranging the table with tableware, checking for the gas as it didn’t turn on, or closing and locking the open windows.d0586ac1c70ba118

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“…”b7a909d7b7fa60bb

At that point, Shavonne put away last night’s memories and returned to reality. The sun was lighting the house in the morning. The dust shone in the light, then darkened and then shone again.f902438e413c5dd2

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Ashe approached the window and closed it, the billowing curtains stopped. The curtains showed no sight of movement, somehow reminiscent of silence. Something passed through Shavonne’s mind. It felt like anxiety, fear, and at the same time an emotion that didn’t fit anything. He didn’t realize what it was. At least so far.f4358b34369c7cd8

Less than fe277a6fd8 an hour b5286fb4c8 later, at bb98ae5d0e noon. On his way a20f5797d5 out of the b0f6fa59f3 house to do ef8e75bef3 grocery shopping, Shavonne 07302d66be was confronted head-on d88c1264fd by Lewellyn, who 36954df86b was just climbing d6c128d109 the stairs.bdfae2e4c5d21b80

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In a short moment, the thought of ‘What should I do?‘ flashed through Shavonne’s head. “Should I say hello or not?” It would be awkward to know a person and ignore them. It was a matter of course. They were no longer ‘the one in room 302’or ‘the one in room 303’. They were ‘the one in room 302 who was rejected ‘and ‘the one in room 303 who rejected him’.620006b235b15cd0

That alone was a38d849713 an uncomfortable relationship, 41ad32d615 and Shavonne even dd7876aed9 threw fuel on 719a88f3fe the fire, so 985bc2f403 their relationship might 1fcc876509 be less than 0f06b7dacf an uncomfortable neighbor.d4164544959a8d06

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A conclusion quickly came 0c5262788c to him.dc12037c17580e5f

“…Good morning.”9ec8b3b1880ca205

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Pretending nothing happened, Shavonne greeted him. Of course, (although Shavonne himself didn’t know) because of the awkward smile Shavonne was making, it didn’t feel as if nothing had happened between them. On the contrary, it felt like the “nothing” that happened last night was emphasized.0234ce9b1c866560

“Yes, good morning.”1cc91b7362a48c5a

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Lewellyn was fine. For Shavonne, who e4a608fc9b had guessed that fd5973536a he was suffering 1be913f86d from a broken 0328bf75cf heart, he seemed 8336ab4487 very fine.5f6da34741881d9d

What should I say? ‘You’re doing fine?’ Or ‘Please forget how rude I was yesterday’? Or ‘I guess you’re on your way back home?’bfcd3e6af1d76cc3

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While he was 1a3bdc14ea thinking, Lewellyn opened a428ff3604 his mouth first.202ce876984913d4

“May you move aside if you don’t have anything to do?”ef6f9161b215505d

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He added, casually d4c6656f92 pointing at the 64d6c89852 door 302 that 6ebc23d4d4 Shavonne was blocking, 06a2712a01 calmly.3346bc6b5b73ffbd

“I have to go in.”81a1b9b15b57c032

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…Shavonne had ef9aaf8fdc a tingling 9b657ddd94 sensation in cad448d018 the back f36f2f3791 of his d9c03ad675 head as d64e44c367 if he cad2806d9a had been 3644ce5ec9 hit.633b7971163e85b4

“Oh, and.”e085d34c5ddab345

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While Shavonne couldn’t respond, Lewellyn opened his mouth again. He looked as good, perfect and intact as he himself said last night.cd2ce21495c91dbf

“I advise you that you’d better not smile at me for the next three months, because it would be unfortunate if I’m under the illusion that Ms. Shavonne likes me.”ab20a4b540a9ac87

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He smiled and ff4460ea63 added.5c9caeb8823f83bd

“Right?”57f0df405b6cb4b4

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***2b9be284b82860c9

Shavonne understood. Right, he would if Shavonne were Lewellyn. It was wise to draw a line to prevent any misunderstanding. Yes, but humanly, he couldn’t help doing something about it.0a01fa06d8805c2e

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Lewellyn’s voice, “May you move aside if you don’t have anything to do?”came to his 01edf126d5 mind constantly. He thought 5b12203a3b about it f6eeee789f while sleeping, 453f09b764 eating and 868294fb90 walking along 084870d0fa the street. The only ea91fd5e64 time he 8175b432a1 was free c0664f75d1 from that be784d0fd7 voice was 7f930d5645 during working cdaff08d49 hours.07f32969d1a12d09

Newell had been b169af801c requesting more frequently 39a96c7480 recently, and the b021a23a48 letter that Newell 12abbdca51 sent for correction 74a3760507 was such a b984746e54 mess that he 39ee92c9dc had to focus 12895efe3e without time to 13c7b66f37 recall the voice 5e7da0b665 saying,“May you move aside if you don’t have anything to do?”77137340f697908c

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「S Last night I thought all night about what love is. What is love? Some say it’s what you cherish and value very much and others say it’s one of human’s most profound and complex emotions an instinct that allows humans to have passion and desire and give it to others but it’s all nonsense A dog barking it’s a far more persuasive argument than that. The people who love are all masochist Otherwise, they wouldn’t have tortured themself like that Damn you why won’t you love me back why won’t you love me back. S, think about it again If you do, you’ll know it’s better to love me than not to love me Please reconsider it There’s no one who can love you more than me, and even if there is, I’ll kill him.」57f691b9dc3db1e9

「Why don’t you love me If I tell you everything, will you love me. What should I do to make you love me? What should I do? What should I do? I want to cry. Will you soothe me if I cry? Of course not. I’m not looking forward to it, but if I cry out loud, you’ll at least look at me, right? Yeah? Right? Say yes Please」9a6f6b6287ebe754

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「Shall I tell you everything Then will you love me I wish I were the world to you like you are the world to me Just like you’re the world to me, I have to be the world to you I want to die, but don’t worry I just want to die. I don’t mean I’ll die I’ll never die How can I leave you behind I tried so hard to find you but if I was going to give up like this I wouldn’t even start it. I’m not a fool I won’t make mistakes twice 」e6e457d06fd5b597

He didn’t 1f3303cb02 know why 2df6adad38 this bastard 565d4eb07a wrote crap 5753f47732 down and 01a86e7616 called it ca5aaaeec3 a love 6da3a183fc letter. With a sigh, Shavonne 03911ed369 wrote the principles a d513e06673 sentence must have at 259c0052b8 the beginning of the 32d0f2a423 letter before writing the f3436aa3ae correction.c65e400a823cc633

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「Mr. Newell. At the end 0ccf1263f0 of the sentence, 4201fb8d29 you must write 3e6661640b down symbols such e323bd5183 as period (.), 4ef44248c6 question mark (?), becee2ea23 comma (,), exclamation 0923f303e2 mark (!). 」36d85b7cd61a8a7c

And then he 4a4a5c6498 outlined the basic c997ea8773 rules of a 69023e34d5 composition.a0e9ffd1cd40021f

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「Whether it is a comprehensive composition or a non-comprehensive one, there should be a text that delivers the purpose. Mr. Newell’s S would never like anything written in a gibberish way (unless he has a gibberish fetishism). Do you understand? 」36d112daa77c88f5

Although he pointed it out, he didn’t expect Newell to change his writing habits. Habits are not fixed overnight.855dbd5426e56460

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To his surprise, however, the letter arrived from Mr Newell three days later had been perfectly fixed. There was no sentence without a connector, and it had a perfect structure. As expected, it worked when he told him that S wouldn’t like it. Shavonne was proud of himself.039272ea3b3ae5bf

***46b271b877ca0a63

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One warm spring day, Shavonne greeted Lewellyn when he went out. He didn’t smile. As Lewellyn said, a smile between the one who was rejected and who rejected him could have caused a misunderstanding.8c2c641cb2975c2f

“Hello.”d0f20ac4903deec0

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“Yes, hello” Lewellyn said, trying to turn around and pass Shavonne. Shavonne hurriedly talked to Lewellyn and caught him.f51d519f599347cf

“Where are you going?”ab55abd727606f5e

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“Yes, I’m going” Levilin replied and turned around and tried to pass Shavonne. Shavonne hurriedly talked to Lewellyn and caught him.2738677a455c6ca5

“Don’t you peel onions anymore?”977fee16f0ef7eeb

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“No, I don’t” Lewellyn replied, and turned around and passed Shavonne. Shavonne hurriedly tried to catch Lewellyn but failed. It was because he couldn’t think of anything to say.1f8b64c72d1d003e

There were days when d84ab4603b Lewellyn dealt with Shavonne a335c414aa in a polite manner, 741acb1b93 and Shavonne exchanged greetings 629be94756 with him quite awkwardly, f266c26901 and some he overlooked 09002db962 him as if he 8cb22dfb36 didn’t see him.8d26721241092d31

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Fortunately, there were significantly fewer encounters with Lewellyn than before. That’s because 95 percent of the situation Shavonne ran into Lewellyn was when he left home and faced Lewellyn, who was sitting on the stairs of the apartment peeling onions.cf3d5f16b416992f

Lewellyn no longer peeled onions. At least in public places like the staircase of apartments. On that day, the stairs of the apartment were empty, and the stairs of the apartment were empty the next day too. It was the same until the next day, the next day, and the next day, but the stairs of the apartment were empty until the day Shavonne couldn’t stand it anymore.39d7f68ac7e2ac08

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Whenever he saw c2245d6ade the empty staircase, 3488fd3131 Shavonne felt an 5debee4ae6 impulse to sit 37e513be12 alone on the c53a05d047 stairs of the 145a224459 apartment building. Just as 3fa14c031e Lewellyn did db92ceaa0e for a e0b7b7de7f while in bf7b9017b7 the past 6d4daf94bc winter from 2fe8646648 8 a.m. to 9:30 p.m.a30a28b217c8ddb8

Shavonne knew. That was a pathetic impulse. He also knew that following the impulse would only give him a sense of shame as if he had become a fool without any pleasure, satisfaction, nor achievement. As Lewellyn said, only children and animals couldn’t stand their desires. Shavonne was neither a child nor an animal, so he had to control the impulse.c54e88f413d0c25c

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Yes, he should have.5bfd827a0bc90858

But one evening in mid-March, Shavonne proved himself that even a man who was about 30 could act like a child. Or, he had proved himself that the ancestors of mankind are animals. Either way, the important thing was that Shavonne couldn’t resist the impulse and sat down on the stairs of the apartment.a80bb7bee1b8e277

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He was stiff sitting for just an hour, let alone from 8 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. It felt as if he had eggs in his butt. Was that all? Cold air penetrated into his hips, thighs, and calves, and the lower part of his body became naturally numb even in a warm spring. Shavonne couldn’t even guess how cold it would have been last winter, which was incomparably harsh compared to now.26b74b71947bc5b2

I want to 8e14b896c8 get your attention.7c667c82f7c2e99a

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He remembered 4fa1444945 what Lewellyn 4cb8169f9f once said. At best, he d46d97ad9c heard it last 822203e331 month, but it 1233a05b3d felt as if 58e5850dc0 it had been 0ad10ab539 a decade.d65a53f25049ae9b

Attention. He said attention. Shavonne was nothing more than a citizen in a good way and a poor man in a bad way. To get Shavonne’s attention, he endured the pain of freezing his hips, thighs and calves from 8 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. Ha. He didn’t know if the smile on Shavonne’s mouth was fake or not.92fd6012da126aa5

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At that time, 92af663d39 there was a 98b8f32d5c feeling passing by a5167496bd Shavonne. Feeling anxious 5108cf183c and fearful, c3dab189cc but at 59e17cd1b9 the same 6a8febf2e3 time out f52656822a of place.c8f504fbb6462be6

It was a feeling he knew. He couldn’t help but not know because he had felt it while closing the window that had been open all night, watching the curtains no longer moving as the wind disappeared, and listening to the silence that filled the house. But he didn’t know what to call that feeling. At least so far.14186d1710dbdcc4

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Shavonne stood up. It couldn’t happen, but it was obvious that if Lewellyn appeared and asked “Why are you sitting here?”, Shavonne wouldn’t have answered anything. He couldn’t say ‘I understood how you felt to get my attention’ or ‘I wanted to get attention’.7092dac77295c03c

Shavonne, who 428f3e7765 was about 656addbb88 to enter 4f717b5dad Room 303, 40602f3ca7 suddenly stopped f6136cff5f walking in ee6af85276 front of 0fc0056b99 Room 302. He saw the 37b15ca4ef closed door. On the door, the 3983e03026 nameplate with the number a87a8e49d6 302 engraved was there. Shortly after looking up 6dbb8e542e at the door like 5dff619970 that, Shavonne turned around 1f937fd0e2 and left.0a492cc9f8ddc94b

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• **

Relationships are necessarily based on calculations. Whether it’s a relationship between parents and children, a relationship between friends, or a relationship between lovers. As everything in this world, relationships are not just about gaining. There are some things to lose. That is the time, energy, and emotion required to deal with people.19040fdb69c319af

Can I 8835961195 be with bce32cee54 this person? Or, can I lose a8f5ab2d1f this person? Or, is this cb7c5e2a8f person worth my 6ad5d5e4fd time, energy and 38afe586df emotion? People worry like 941d84b867 that when they 7a58d0b527 are in a 95e6d71825 situation to keep dcde6e29c2 or lose someone.8e1cd2dfac167b28

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Whether it’s an extrovert or an introvert, everyone has a limit on their relationships that they can handle. The moment the limit is exceeded, the person collapses. Ironically, you are crushed by all the relationships you have made to live.3f61c39b006d9834

Let’s ask again. Can I be with this person? Or, can I lose this person? Or, is this person worth my time, energy and emotion?006e0ec8c279ea69

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So, is Lewellyn worthy a0699eeec5 of my time, energy 1116ecb26c and emotion?0e23e1a906e29aae

“…”9b846cd22e8f5823

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I don’t know. I guess it’s not because I’m not sure.Shavonne finally concluded that b584c3b0e0 as that matter interfered 62128a36bf with his daily life 5062ce27f8 due to mental distress.362c83cf05458eab

It was simple to think of it as wind. Wind. The wind comes and then leaves without hesitation. Right, like an insulation, that wasn’t that bad.e92ca8cf0a27ae8d

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No, no. It was a good ce5d92b9ea thing. The killer 09ef272798 next door 4034fcdee1 said he c301910348 would have f40578e3be no relationship 06584b1ee2 with Shavonne, bdef740607 and that dd4ac874c0 was of 92e35d27bb course good c865b62bdc news for d95248d9e4 him, who 0d8441a21b was satisfied 1c9022f122 with just ba97e41fac watching it 2680ffaf50 in novels 608204e9b2 and plays.1486e82283c3ce1b

He could go back to the ‘reality’ that Shavonne lived in when he didn’t know Lewellyn, as if he didn’t dream of anything.c375af89fc18c68c

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***4f6803b49243e8a9

Around the evening, Shavonne visited B, which was a pub in North Bunch, where homosexuals went. Shavonne had been a guest of B for nearly five years. There were a total of 29 people Shavonnee had been dating so far, 20 of whom he had met in “B”, so it is needless to say how much Shavonnee was making good use of ” B”.c2a01633b8b05b2b

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After entering B, Shavonne didn’t have to search for someone. This was because if you take a seat alone, a person would flirt with you within at least one minute or up to five minutes. He wasn’t good enough to make a living on his face, but Shavonne looked fine anyway. That means that he had a beauty that was good enough to get a lover or sex partner.600b4e5d74c54714

“May I sit down?”d46de786e26d852f

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Sure enough, less than e947c5df80 five minutes after Shavonne c61fd12f6c sat down that day, e92f63bcb5 a man approached.441e3f0e2c0d8474

Shavonne replied. “Sure.”1af2d3164872db35

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They had an untimely 17c509a75c conversation. It may 5ca4a56044 be right 29f0da3f08 to call b337a7eef6 it exploration, aa07418736 not conversation. Not only 9bcc9e6890 did they bd2acca5f4 look at 7a98c6671e their faces, f76497f455 clothes, and 41e61e0f3e ordered alcohol, abe9b609e5 but also 6ca057ef9c they scanned 08b98fc9f6 each other 40c2a222bd by exchanging 4ff37b86e5 words.894f3b46db2ea07d

From the 423a1a07c0 pale face, b97aa3558a it can c5738c363e be seen f4a64fd1c8 that the 9cd527ca30 man had cfdff7e573 a job 471f5a13b7 that didn’t 740d39fdb0 have frequent 7e87f3b2de outdoor activities, fc3434f696 and from 0c79047667 his white, 7f5ae305e5 clean hands 55152d5c43 and ten 7e6fad4992 neat nails, 12f04eff3c it can 363198adec be seen 0d025325f9 that he 4a594f4969 didn’t do 29a3ed3df6 hard work.a546511c7629f2d4

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Also, there was the suit. Although he was wearing a simple suit according to B’s tacit rule of not wearing overly formal attire, Shavonne was impressed by the shape of the lapel, the color, and the cloth and sleeves. He must have scanned Shavonne as much as Shavonne did, but he approached Shavonne even though it was obvious that he was broke. He guessed he liked him a lot. The next thing to explore was, of course, his personality.c5d0b9760553611b

“What happened?”5d37e5ba1994f938

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They talked b9da5e1fe5 back and a2952acc28 forth. The topic went to d779bd2260 the current state of 3a0a7aad4f Shavonne.3859e712f32f9296

“You don’t want to know”a4c5da1ee0e224fe

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Shavonne tried to turn the topic around. But …e5a363050d98d2b0

“I’m curious, what happened?”cdbe4b97ad19d07a

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Shavonne became curious. Did the man not notice that Shavonne didn’t want to talk, or was he stubborn even after he noticed it?65019318756a9e00

He could know ba2baa03de the answer quickly.e91be14fe481f65d

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“It’s a long story.”987d26c629ceda18

“It’s okay. I have a lot of time.”12d6447ed52fbc71

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He couldn’t help but laugh. If he were to date this man with literally a ‘one in ten thousand’ chance, Shavonne wouldn’t interact emotionally with him. Regardless of the opinions of the other party, that type that was only focused on satisfying their curiosity used to make their surroundings, especially their lovers, very tired.a5219f0bb987ff0a

“This started around the end of last year…”108dbe3b36baae27

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Shavonne said so because he was more curious about how the man would react after listening to the story that made him feel uncomfortable as he didn’t want to tell the story. However, the man’s reaction was too far beyond Shavonne’s expectation. He was sleepy.9b952f1f005e83ae

Upon hearing that Shavonne received a note reading “Good night :-P” around Christmas, he dozed off when he heard the story of his ex turning into a psycho and stalking him as he met an onion peeling neighbor sat on the stairs of an apartment on the day he broke up with his ex-boyfriend.eb74bae84aa447c3

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He seemed not to doze off, but the man’s eyes kept losing focus. Instead of saying, “I’m sorry. Wasn’t my story a bit boring?” or, “You have to go home if you’re going to sleep, don’t beg for something that you’re not going to hear.” he said.53a99ad9e7c48b50

“Wait.”0f72410c4bc89a06

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And stood up. “Goodbye.” As he was dozing off, the man tried to have a wide awake face. “It was fun to talk about.”8f0133f54970c579

Yeah, it must’ve been fun. Shavonne replied back b1f3e919a8 to his mind.be6473b07613088f

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“Tell me when you want to talk.”, “I’m waiting.”, “I’m always here.” The voice he heard once penetrated his ears, but Shavonne shook it off.a9f7e4668b920aeb

Shavonne left the hall and left B. It was night when he came back to the Ira apartment. Shavonne, who was climbing the stairs of the apartment building with his hands in his coat pocket, met Lewellyn when he reached the third floor. “Ah,” came from Shavonne’s mouth.7150e9f145790196

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The silence flowed. He didn’t know it was a natural silence because they had been passing by as if they didn’t know each other when he had encountered him recently. It was Lewellyn who opened his mouth first, as usual when there was silence.69a118a6fd198c6f

“Hello.”6af9611c9cd03547

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There was no sign of agitation, but a neat face and voice. “Yes… Hello.” A trembling greeting came out of Shavonne’s lips.8e823250111062a4

Perhaps, he was c4016adcb0 waiting for me 7890c5e35f to come home.He wondered, but a7dca95222 it was only ed9b651617 for a moment.01dab507fc33a356

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Lewellyn was dressed in outerwear. If he had just waited for Shavonne to return home, he would have either worn indoor clothes or a light coat on top of his indoor clothes, and he wouldn’t have worn that outfit.85b9ef45ca3a865b

“You must be going out.”91969392d8a37788

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“Yes.”a1e24cb7e8404eec

Lewellyn, who answered as if it weren’t a big deal, had also asked questions as if they were insignificant.1498307897bc7b1a

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“You must have gone out.”3da6a5c418728eef

“Yes.”b467b136b106dc3a

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Then, there was silence. Lewellyn didn’t seem to care much, but Shavonne didn’t. He felt awkward. He couldn’t stand it without saying anything.b4a044f052911384

“I’ve been to a pub for a while.”e17ca0e45007cb24

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The reply came 90d406de2d out right away.8327e73f1d7ad50b

“You’re not drunk at all.”f3dd001273b38b71

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“Yes, I didn’t go there to drink.”460f8031f923444d

Shavonne realized right after I said it. The fact that he made a mistake. The reason for looking for a bar was obvious if he didn’t go for a drink. He wished Lewellyn was such a fool that he didn’t realize why, but he didn’t think so. And Lewellyn’s reaction was…af1d46bc67d53991

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“Ah,” he exclaimed in a quiet voice and added. His voice didn’t really show any emotions, “I see.”d7240602541081dc

It was the worst. Shavonne thought he would soon have a seizure when he heard “Ah, I see”.9bbf5d90af6c57b9

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***52189fc2e40ea900

The next time he went to B, he met a new man. He was handsome, had a good personality, and even had money. But thirty minutes after they sat at the table and exchanged drinks with each other, Shavonne said, “I can’t” and turned the man down. He couldn’t help it. The man’s smile wasn’t as bright as Shavonne wanted.c9f0bdcfb961fe4c

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The next time he went to B, he met a new man. He was handsome, had a good personality, had money, and had a bright smile. But twenty minutes after sitting at the table and exchanging drinks with each other, Shavonne said, “I can’t” and turned the man down. He couldn’t help it. The man wasn’t as cute as Shavonne had hoped.ac24e8cdfb793347

The next time he went to B, he met a new man. He was handsome, had a good personality, had money, had a bright smile, and was cute. But ten minutes after sitting at the table and exchanging drinks with each other, Shavonne said, “I can’t” and turned the man down. He couldn’t help it. The man’s eyes weren’t as yellow as Shavonne had hoped.43a012a0467854c0

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Shavonne didn’t go to B anymore. It was because he knew that he wouldn’t date anyone even if he met a man that was handsome, had a good personality, money, bright smile, cute smile, and yellow eyes.f3ab398a665a2227

He could tell 671aeda80f countless reasons why. He didn’t c3f19e5844 live in 738c4e9674 Ira Street, ac3399b740 so he 874971a1c9 wasn’t a 2e8b64597f resident of 35ec126744 the apartment 2d5266e623 building, so 9bd0c308ee he didn’t 543290852b live in 3e5eeb9c56 room 302.30c2ae044d23da7b

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Once again, he felt anxiety and fear, and at the same time, those feelings that didn’t match anything passed through Shavonne. It wasn’t until Shavonne realized what it was called. It was loneliness.79cac7f9aa837ca7

Can a person die aeef357a34 of loneliness?100af9b2e8a08f45

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***69be852f1accb6e3

“He hasn’t come back yet?”f32111dfeff27d13

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On a clear sunny morning, Shavonne asked in front of Dr. Fawks’ mansion. Blocking Shavonne from entering the site, the butler nodded in acceptance. Shavonne was at a loss for words.613c896ddca921a4

He thought c5e7493106 that he b25c8fb423 rather believed 58e0f13ff9 that Dr. Faulkes, instead 5f49e37b9b of being 4e5417efeb on a 6c4c9f1e5d business trip, 649e807351 died, went 2146700bdc on a 386e209f09 permanent business 5eb96486a3 trip to a2935260f3 Bosch, or a5e2ad6b2d that the 0df3c8416d butler was c3d38c6bc4 blocking Shavonne a3325aebd6 from entering 9791a26aa2 the mansion 0690e6d978 as he 285a66113f was broke.560424d5264795c8

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Perhaps he 79f807ccdb noticed that d93d956c4e Shavonne was 9c11f2d72b suspicious, and 74343b9f41 the butler, 535f6bad11 who offered 0f400a13c6 only insincere 695bed218f short answers 904440e990 as if 27110a215a he would 4428e57fc4 never explain 13f490612c the situation, 7757ce0f1f added.1bc5d90dc0e27aa9

“According to a letter from the owner of Fawkes, things are worse than he thought, so…”d874dd5b514e7fb6

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Whether what the butler said was true or not, Shavonne couldn’t help it. If it was true, Shavonne was just a friend and couldn’t argue about Dr. Fawkes’ official duties even if it wasn’t true. All he had was suspicion, but to grab the butler by the collar and threaten him to tell the truth was a senseless act that neither a child nor an animal did.8ffdb0069d33df10

“…I understand.”dc48df4f0708c4d4

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He sighed and turned a7ad6023c5 around. The way 0cbc1827fb to cure b550fefe69 his loneliness 8bc8b47cc1 was to fb8522c273 meet a 1d5629b204 person. He tried to date f87947734a a new person but 2119e9475f failed. B was the evidence. As long as 766987a97e Lewellyn was in a9ab71e217 his mind, Shavonne 54ddd594d4 wouldn’t be able e8079463c4 to date a db1f84bdc6 lover, sex partner, 7a7f1c8ba8 or even a aa521d7032 pure drinking partner bb9182fefe for a while.f96311bb26cbf506

Then he had to go to a person he knew to relieve his loneliness, but it was also a failure without his only friend, Dr. Fawks. If he were in Bunch, he would have found him somehow, but Bosch? For Shavonne, Bosch was a “very, very, very” distant neighboring country he didn’t have a chance to go and saw it when reading the newspaper and seeing advertisements from wine shops.08a0c6a0e7eb01e4

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His steps were heavy. It wasn’t because of Dr. Fawks. (Of course, Dr. Fawks wasn’t at fault because it’s not wrong to work hard.) It was because of Shavonne himself.6d78b7782b1a13ef

Without Dr. Fawks, Shavonne was alone. He didn’t have money these days, let alone health. He had a job as a ghostwriter but a publisher took money from him. He was a loner who didn’t even have anyone to talk about such trivial things.c570379782548688

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Shavonne turned around and headed to Bunch Square instead of going to the Ira apartment. It was a wise choice. They won’t see each other again when they leave, so Shavonne said (I don’t have money, I had a job as a ghostwriter, but the publishing company stole my money) to a person who listened to his trivial thing.10c05767fb994184

“I don’t have money.”7c14776a74115ea4

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“…”2a28903a19d23234

“I want to work, but no one gives me a job, except… some kind of freak.”2f50206d8d716ba9

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“…”f29a5ad2d65895e8

“That jerk had a normal name, handwriting, and his letters are fine, but they are love letters written as a diary, and I guess he recently got dumped by the guy he liked. It’s terrible.”8c5f7621f7fb6d11

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“…”2431d6895437ecb1

The homeless 1093344a7a had no c76a5da2e4 reaction. Actually, he didn’t 9a32432115 listen to what 42d9d6ff1e Shavonne said at 2d7d18a48e all, but he 7057046d42 couldn’t avoid him. Sitting on the bank 69115f46ae next to the homeless, 87905afce1 Shavonne sighed.f6d7b0467d752394

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“Yeah, I know, you don’t like my story. But …”f1beaca10ba0f693

‘Don’t you have a bf2cdcef72 poor reaction?’ Shavonne couldn’t bring it up. That day, the day he received the love confession, Shavonne’s conversation with Lewellyn popped up.92844d0202c216da

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— You’re lying. If you knew, you wouldn’t have reacted like that.935ac8f7ebe0509f

— Do I have 5aba16ee5e to react?84cc644ab25ba3fc

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— Of course. I was waiting for a4c4fa5c19 a ‘I like you a593a77507 very very much, too’.f7ecd10e08d1540c

“.. Can you just react?” Shavonne continued, ignoring the voice in his mind. Like a “Mn” or “no” or even “see ya.”f6f8db8d1d6efc6c

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He thought no reaction would come back as it had been so far, but he was mistaken. The homeless man rolled up his index finger and thumb to make a circle. It was a gesture to ask for money. Shavonne said that he had no money, he wanted to work, but no one gave him a job. It didn’t matter what Shavonne’s situation was. He was worried about whether he would give it or not. In the end, Shavonne took out the change. One selona.f457b003978d242b

“Yes, no, see ya.”9feaa64f8c56b9e1

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As soon 9299a4eaf6 as he 883dc452cc received the 3851011a7f money, what 904ab343cb the homeless d5d7bb0099 said was 989d23b389 what Shavonne 3de4c587ff asked for. Shavonne thought that c912c5c125 money was also 53e5bafb89 a way to 2a7dbaa257 keep mute, deaf, d77583a6a0 and blind people 49126732a2 bright.a769c15237b82355

“Ask me how I’m feeling these days.”ab2ffce43c55d309

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“How are you feeling these days?”ebd5ad45479c55bc

“Badly.”27d4495e901e73ef

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“…”4d6f6a8a962ada83

“And now?”ca9dd85bc680fd46

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“And now?”7a22370395ead9f9

“It’s exceptionally bad now, but it’s always been so bad that it’s never been bad.”ebd02b54f6161429

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“…”5c6fd722a3dc1c56

“I’m tired.”e604a5a5ef23a6d6

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“…”b1e7b60cfff35c0c

“Can I die of loneliness?”ed669617a505df3c

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It wasn’t until he spoke that he felt belated regret that he was being too sentimental. He was so pitiful to say that to a homeless man that was, perhaps, more lonely than Shavonne. Shavonne added, although he didn’t know whether he wanted to say to himself or to the homeless.fd6ea8665e086ce0

“Say, you won’t die.”b7d5c0aa76fc6fb0

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But the homeless man 92ca9c3a46 just stared at a 85f07647bb spot in the air e21aabd90f and said nothing. Shavonne stayed still. The spring sun made b4614405bc the square warm.df928e96eee726e8

***03fb543dc5c8e363

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The loneliest time in 441f1ce721 his life was definitely af6d87927e now. As Shavonnee 778c96455f himself said, b1c8bc1d5a his life 61afe66021 had always a4cd34be81 been so 61a0ca4f5d bad that db59093bee it couldn’t 2c2833108e be called 0730ac0870 lonely. He was now because 68f29977c6 he was accustomed to c318282613 the kindness, interest, and 73acede853 love that Lewellyn showed. It may be a2e48b389f more accurate to 2e59d21fe3 say that it 8abddbfad6 was because he 6502987bed was domesticated.1cebe0e48fe243d6

It would have been a8a36674a7 better if he had a886671ea0 never known the kindness, 690cefdd64 interest and love that f172ea2bc1 someone showed me.9a649948cfa05f89

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Unfortunately Shavonne knew. Once you’ve tasted it, you can’t go back to the days when you didn’t know what they were.aa8a0bfd08666272

That evening, it 0ef09dcb59 wasn’t expected that 169cac999a Shavonne would confess b685c2c3e7 his love to ce4690c0dc Lewellyn.27594f51a4f439ba

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Just in time, it was the day when he “cleaned up” Lewellyn. Of course, it didn’t mean anything such as burial or trafficking. Shavonne’s “cleaning up” meant erasing all traces that could be reminiscent of a particular object.6523db44b9611df0

The same was 52db2419c7 true even if 07d5cc4952 the object was 0ed428e7ce a person. He erased all 6a0d0ff13f traces related to 28337b56c1 the person. Like the 324887fe1b tableware that 8c35305aca Lewellyn used, 3cdcfd3f7e food that a439c75cfc what he 3bcc85150a said could 13cab4455f be either 622dcfc5aa a compliment 11d104dc8a or an b75a24968f insult, or fadf6c9a7a the gas 95f51b4717 light that 0b4545031f unintentionally created 2491ab6c29 a scary 602acde6c1 atmosphere between 0379fd64f1 Shavonne and 5180943c21 Lewellyn at 43e0a06c18 a strange 952cbacd92 time.26715f1df567dd02

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After he threw all those away, the house felt empty. He knew it. He shouldn’t have met Lewellyn in the first place. He wouldn’t have if he had known I’d lose a third of his household stuff. Shavonne, who had been trying to think that way, was upset the next moment.4585d2f4f2f769a3

He cleaned up to not be reminiscent of Lewellyn, but he thought of Lewellyn when I saw the emptiness. He wasn’t sure if this “clean up” would work. But even if he wasn’t, he needed to finish what he started.46aadd64f1a4b7e7

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Shavonne was done. Tableware, jam, gas light, 76c485e5d9 and the notes attached a79264aff6 to Door 303 last b7322c6433 winter were also placed ed7bc2afec in the trash can.f4e6be110e9fbc44

As usual today, Mr. Newell had sent a letter of request for correction. Shavonne couldn’t delay the work, as the only stable income was the wage he earned from the editing work.f04ac0c6ac6a8a87

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Furthermore, Newell was the ed962f3ed2 only string that connected bee1cf307e Shavonne and the world. The purpose b6a03eb682 was to dc25c4b4e7 request a 58a9ea8606 lecture and 9fc0d47fa4 correction, and 3aab8fffe7 the rest b5c8190750 of the 31c240d704 chat was cc4d370900 divided into 1de85d33bb P.S., but d5083fb442 Newell was 03be2b4ef5 the only 0d75d28d3c one who fd3a9de7d0 asked how ee340f4c12 Shavonne was 78808d7249 doing, P.S. or not.6db9a0d0722a6413

How bad 0bc0da3700 will it c75aa0a93c be today? Even before the mail was opened, Shavonne was speculating. The worse the sentence was, the more attention had to be paid to the sentence and correction, but while he had to concentrate, Le… No, he couldn’t think of “him”, the one who he decided not to think of anymore.9b63fd7b91524afd

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He was lucky today. The letter sent by Mr. Newell (except that there was no comprehensive structure) was the typical that didn’t deviate from Shavonne’s expectations. It was way too moody, way too sentimental, way too misspelled…e213f66862eedd16

“…?”399233e2af67f0d9

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Shavonne stopped looking. At the end there was the word “new yeer”.e0cf86dbf62d93c3

New year?a2cbf229634fe158

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All of a sudden, 2f0f33e7f7 he recalled something. Shavonne jumped out 4909fbd7c5 of her desk. The chair was pushed 97f7c391b8 back and made a facb5b9a31 deafening noise.aa772689341fdb64

No way.3719d6bd4782623d

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Shavonne dug through the bba3f007d2 trash can. He took out all 1b78308904 the notes on the f4efa4ef9f door of room 303 4a191be6c5 last winter.ab69943792fc1476

『They say that the New Yeer’s Festival is a lot of fun. Let’s go and have fun 0:) 』db3994c8137bf838

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New Year. It was clear. It was 3ef97cdd8e a new dfbb57fb08 yeer.94f43a4832716c1d

His heart was beating. The thumping f7acb92e95 sound was 7b18b3e558 even ringing 9b2a50fd39 in his 396fb8b0e3 ears.6fad2891ec844af5

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No. It’s not what I think. No, it’s not.2d76beb8de378019

He tried not to lose his cool but it didn’t work. Shavonne’s hand was shaking as he groped the postage envelope, or rather the postage stamp on the envelope. It wasn’t just his hands. His whole body was shaking.5269ebb6c89c34d0

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August Basch had once f5e5fb17ea written a letter. He took it 1be323152e to the post 5964fac67f office and was 59c2afac36 verified that the d5f1ee472b postmark on the 3e9b62259e mail was the cf6bf34ba6 official identity, and 11004d0b22 then the staff 9ecf4dab4d informed him how d428a3e523 to identify the ca62fe42c8 source of the 34c3ee7016 letter with a 153b9f653d postmark on the b9120b639e mail.753fa7ad94d14779

There was an English word and number that was so small that you couldn’t recognize it without looking at it carefully, but English meant the code of the mailbox containing the letter, and the number meant the number of the area where the mailbox was located. It was common for ordinary people to not recognize it, but this time it wasn’t. He was used to the C-5 area code 38 on the postmark.98e5be98155beffc

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• This letter was collected from the C-5 mailbox on Ira Street.

Area code 38. Ira Street.d23fed1b3c09da01

― …C-5?e02c04fa772f2e30

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• Don’t you know? The mailbox at the entrance of the Ira apartment.

The mailbox 3c667fb30e at the e2e3580305 entrance of 85aa5f3eb1 the Ira 507eb94530 apartment, C-5.330762e0aeded267

Mr. Newell, who wrote new 3c2afcfaa4 yeer, sent a letter 339c565af9 to Ira Street. Ira Street, fd295a1e9c so the ec4f96adab mailbox in 4a55d471d8 front of 3405f26981 the apartment.5115d2559a25a07d

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At the moment, the contents of Mr. Newell’s letter flashed through my head.37f5a7a3cbb099ad

『S, why are 7867a61622 you avoiding me? 』8f88027cd6ab256d

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『Last night I 15836a4ccb thought about what 0f48af1822 love is. 』0e845c9694f1c823

『What should I do? What should I do? What should I do? 』8d013c081de6af63

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Lastly, Newell and Lewellyn. It was an anagram that was easy enough to recognize if you were interested. Shavonne was a fool that hadn’t noticed so far. H was a total fucking idiot.bc3d4e5666669848

He stormed out of the house. He didn’t have a plan. He didn’t know what to ask and say. He didn’t even know whether to be angry or grateful, but one thing was certain. It was the fact that he had to visit Mr. Newell, Shavonne’s sole employer.ebbfd20d066347ca

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When he knocked on the door of room 302 as if he was kicking it, ‘Mr. Newell’ quickly came out. Shavonne asked. There has been no silence, disregard, awkward air, or hesitation that had always been between Shavonne and Lewellyn.fb409d72683bae2b

“It’s you, right?”66f18fd9d97852c7

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It was evening. The whole d8c19d8810 world spread 0d41dacffd beyond the d3ed9dd31e apartment building 6956c8b641 was colored 99354a6d5a with romantic 32c848ad8f purple. Dusk, spring, 87a8447ff7 moon and 1462196ff3 stars and 81cfafa04a cozy twilight, e1edd92632 and gentle b9f43f5418 darkness.c4b85113f50a4101

“Oh no, I got caught,” Lewellyn frowned with an exaggerated expression. “That’s right. I’m the one who threw the newspaper out the window. Please don’t say it to the maintenance.”1a99a4cabfe94a37

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Shavonne, instead of refuting by saying, “Pretend as much as you can”, reached out to Lewellyn’s letter, “Mr. Newell”, which he had grasped until then. Only then was there a reaction. Like a puddle after the rain, Lewellyn’s eyes became blurred for a moment. However, it was only a moment, and Lewellyn returned to his normal face. The child-like cheerful voice was a bonus.40d8a59e725de43f

“Yes. I’m Newell. I thought you knew that for a long time, but you only noticed now, you’re too slow…”068950dda8ebd815

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“Mr. Lewellyn.”29a267f12c414430

Shavonne cut him off. Without realizing it, d8fd096d64 his voice flowed bb34cba3aa through the lips.f0484f4b9708a9fd

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“I like you.”9fac3aaa6300c27c

Silence. It wasn’t until there was full silence that Shavonne regained his sense of reality. He didn’t understand why he said that. But it wasn’t as if he didn’t know. It was a word that couldn’t be ignored, and it had to be said in the end.9d19dbfe229922d4

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His face was blushed out of control. The most heated place was the tip of his ear, which was so red that it would burst when touched. He wanted to hide it but couldn’t. Shavonne wasn’t good with facial expressions to the extent that he could hide his complexion.52b281ea1ae55734

What would Lewellyn say?‘I like you 7cd04b788f too?’ Or ‘I don’t like you.’Or ‘Why are you c82f18b4b2 talking nonsense?’.ddd8dccd6c2252e5

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But the next moment, Lewellyn’s answer was none of the possibilities Shavonne could have come up with.e73ea1b1c451b492

“Mr. Shavonne’s ears are red.”c5e5e2d09a9e384e

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Lewellyn added with a 88c05071be smile: like a red bfef27741a radish. Shavonne felt a d837e361f0 booming explosion somewhere 9cda5f9748 in his head.93e687d025003753

“Hell, I already know that. I know too!” shouted Shavonne. “Does it matter now whether my ears are red or blue?”7b1fd4665ee87cb8

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For the first time in his life, Shavonne realized that he was the type to raise his voice when he was embarrassed. If it wasn’t a place to raise his voice, he would point his fingers at people who raised their voices, but he thought he couldn’t do that anymore.823cf4bd02622b79

Lewellyn still didn’t accept, reject, or question whether he was saying nonsense. However,d5ec6e9b9a57a5de

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“Do you need money?”cf6290e5b09ee6fb

He asked. Even before Shavonne, who didn’t understand the situation, could answer, he asked again, “Do you?”, Lewellyn continued.f208c44a74ad1a12

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“If you need money, tell them you need it. You don’t have to do this.”a1f5775a01d73b2e

“No…”8af5a1b28524d5eb

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“If you want, I’ll write a memorandum saying that I won’t harm Mr. Shavonne in any way.”acc7fb743e899dd0

Shavonne was speechless.2b26aaa0e839dee6

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“How can you say that to someone you like?”5812f535a06dc3fc

“Can’t I?”31819f7c5433d308

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Lewellyn, who asked back, looked as if he didn’t have the slightest idea what Shavonne’s logic was. What? What’s wrong? His head was pounding. Soon after, Shavonne would never have noticed what was wrong if Lewellyn hadn’t said the following.d143f6c4f5fa88ac

“I don’t know why you’re doing this all of a sudden.”86163f49f2b0f07f

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“…”a4273d419fd024e2

“You like Newell, not me.”75105b02b05e41d0

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“…”0c965226ed63cfba

Lewellyn said again while Shavonne couldn’t answer. The tone was to hide the hurt voice.cf9f8214f40f10b0

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“You love the money I give you, not me.”38e76ace901fed64

Damn. Shavonne thought. Lewellyn should have kept in mind that in advance so it was only natural, but it was Shavonne’s fault that he did not take that into account because he was busy conveying his feelings. His mouth was dry.7d7476aa310ab4d3

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“No, no, damn it.”a8fb0b93cf562062

After saying that, 37ebf421ed he felt like 3b5f2bed7f he wanted to 31af06213d wash his dried e1f809caba face.Why am 8b38d3b99f I not 8c27a16ed9 good at ccc1edc8b5 speaking.There has 7b1bdd6de0 never been 24e1b24556 a moment 751a0b6142 as painfully 716f8de796 lamentable as 5488092d8d now.b33c09c9c760f6cf

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“I like the money Mr. Newell gives me. Yeah, it would be a lie if I say the contrary, but it’s not because of the money that I confessed that I like you. Not Mr. Newell, but you, who pretended to be Mr. Newell and wrote to me before and after my rejection.”309091eb1af6b0be

Lewellyn didn’t seem to understand what he said so far. Damn it, damn it, b0ef48d048 damn it. Shavonne wanted 57ead27c6a to die 6b8ccb1c82 a little.18c9a85f7830de71

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“If I say this, you’re going to think I’m a selfish kid or an incorrigible outsider, but …”7fca06e2789d878a

Damn it, damn 8cb3d649b9 it, damn it.Shavonne kind c4157fd133 of wanted 6a22f7b177 to die.73ae457fc372c3da

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“No one cared about me as much as you did, and no one cared about me more than you did.”abad391edb126e27

Damn it, 423ed26405 damn it, ae37190416 damn it.Shavonne wanted fd07996d01 to die 133d7502ba a lot.35d4667f9bc654c0

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“As much as you… Shit. Forget it.”bf5b322c11dd7830

Shavonne dropped his head 290439a9a1 and mumbled all the c14303355b swearing he knew with 714378e972 his mouth. It was ec57c06425 an insult dbbba9caff to Shavonne 414e1c0192 himself, not 7559f5c8e8 to Lewellyn. Lewellyn looked down at 5627282a65 Shavonne and said nothing.950435d9dbc12a96

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I’m sorry. I think I’m drunk.32737f4efb2579ce

Shavonne, who didn’t drink a drop of liquid, let alone alcohol, was desperate to run away now.bdf5faaf2e002796

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“I need you.”c37d7d26ccd12a99

No idea. Shavonne didn’t know what he was talking about, but he couldn’t help but know that it was for the other person, Lewellyn. Shavonne, who looked down the hall floor and murmured, raised his head and faced Lewellyn.eb3faabde169691f

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I’ll tell you. I may be accepted, but I may not be accepted… Anyway, whatever choice Lewellyn made, the fact that Shavonne likes Lewelyn wouldn’t change. It’s not like he was ready to be accepted, but he wanted to tell him the truth. It was just conveying the facts. As if to say thank you because there was something to be thankful for, or as if to say that it was fun because there was something enjoyable. That’s how he was encouraged.bca43004ee3224de

“I need you.”388ae2d1c52b9582

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The silence flowed all over. He was unlucky. From his experience, if someone remained silent after hearing a confession, he was significantly more likely to say, “I don’t, if there’s nothing more, then…” rather than suddenly hugging Shavonne in emotional tears after a while.fa6f2a29baeab934

Shavonne closed his 9e7393ebd7 eyes tightly.What should I do? Should I say “Ah, I see” if I get rejected? Or should I say, “I’m sorry, I must be drunk?”c6aa77f8c2140bfc

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However, Shavonne’s concern was overshadowed by Lewellyn’s answer the next moment as it wasn’t a rejection.5157904cac73f671

“You rejected me.”e8657747b75c2eee

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Anyone would have done that. There was no one who wants to date a murderer. Shavonne was one of them. If Shavonne’s life wasn’t special, he would still have been in that position.cf87ae4f1fa4ac64

Shavonne himself found the dcc2bd4e18 choice unwise.But, damn it, he’s the only one who loves me, whether it’s a murderer or a smuggler or a tax evader. What should I do?0915086d258ba479

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He sailed 29 years without water. He had to drink the sea water because he was thirsty. He survived 29 years without food. He had to eat anything even if his body was ill. He lived 29 years on an island where humans were cannibals. Because they wanted to meet people, talk, have relationships, they would be cannibals. He knew he might be eaten, but he couldn’t help it. People die when they are lonely. So, that means…7601fbca8f68f84d

“Yes, I did.”d3a0937f470b5e73

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Shavonne said. He said so, holding 86811acd3b back the urge to 602b742e18 lower his eyes, turn af623710f6 his head, or blur 2403d46199 the focus and looked c80a569b86 straight at Lewellyn.9899ef9304955488

“And I came back.”924e12c69d431635

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It was a spring 1a8eb58972 evening when the whole 50b399c88a world was blackened. The wind was blowing, 4d81f36432 and every time a 128a77b159 huge tree shook over a3e000080e the corridor railing, it 2c3fec2185 made a gentle rustle. Spring was seeping in. To Shavonne, to 05bf030903 Lewellyn.f1ba890013ed0746

“Will you go out with me?”172aaa1ccb18ef9a

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Shavonne asked. It was f3a7cc6c82 the same 52699e79ae proposal that 8bc049766e Lewellyn made 6c13caa660 that night.78ec7197c66c7d93

Lewellyn replied. It was a different answer from Shavonne’s that night.8549205afae32580

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“Yes.”abde5ec5d12052d5

Shavonne thought.Maybe I’m 196f6f2e98 not that e4dc351826 unlucky.ba8ab05f909cc104

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***8f1a0326be16f16a

Shavonne was fine 5933be13bd for the first f241076f6c time in 29 fb5a1ad838 years.68de07b2073e7f07

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A man 6c6a0dcd4a moved in 8417a687da next door.7f0745596a99eaf8

He was 31aade46b4 young, handsome 304a961cda and unpredictable, 4ed3d1a9bc but he 8f29b05d3b was a 9b45568b7f cute neighbor.40e7557cb091b7e9

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And perhaps, 9e8387c185 the culprit 3a4987a80b behind the 9cb79ec535 recent serial e9bd0b008c killings on 327521434c South Bunch 0a7ad9d41e on Ira d86d082409 Street.c49c87ea694d8443

And before all that, 0e502101d5 he’s his boyfriend.5d860a7bf94e6911

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Shavonne’s 30th lover but the first one he actually wanted to be in a relationship with.a3ad9a5ab2f523e0

***bdf35f65fd1cb657

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It was a dark night and he couldn’t see an inch ahead. Today, he thought that he could fall asleep without having nightmares. As he tried to put out the candle, the only light that lit up the house, he suddenly paused.2f286a80c9f9f05e

There was 87c494e734 a sound, 9dc455dc8f the rain. Every time a long, f9e78ac7fc thin rain drop hit, c283f5657e there was a loud d0e6dc50ee noise that could be 53e54233bb heard from the pile 0853cdfc36 of trash that would bf5757b99d pile up somewhere near 6c35ce7c24 the apartment.c33b1938e3ee20ed

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He frowned his brow. He didn’t like rain nor the sound. Every time it rains, the memory of “that day” comes to his mind whether he wants it or not.db51ecc7cebc9b7c

Of course, today 5b9d35cc9c was no exception.755a38ac9d037354

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— Are you 37ac57be29 out of your f66144bdb9 mind?3f49c976b9f9bee6

All the memories started with that voice. The voice. The voice that I told him today, ‘Will you go out with me?’.83df2dcff19e4917

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— You like me? You love me? Why don’t you get out of here and ask me to live with you? In a red brick house, with a fireplace, and a dog. Should I name the dog Happy? Or Clover?f7c7d53dfb703ea5

He looked blankly at Shavonne because he didn’t understand. Shavonne, don’t you love me?He wished he a1b18735f9 had asked that, 267f4bb257 but the question fed922780b he chose at 1352e862a8 the time was ee84c1ba75 even more foolish.8918320520f4be9c

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— Shavonne.e69869d68d38bfb5

He called. A sign of 8047a957c3 disbelief was felt 808b965cc8 in his voice.1abc3af666b3b6e1

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— Have you ever 3b1997af85 loved me?147afe3a484bf1dc

Silence. And the sound of 4dd384f356 rain that filled that 7415576c34 silence.2a7d8b862def8953

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Shavonne stared at him and answered. A brutally resolute answer flowed through Shavonne’s lips.5894b44ca967b4f0

— No.08a06ab9edf00674

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He added,fb479d7a1da52532

— Never.1ee025a1a629c189

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He couldn’t fall asleep 1a5a7b2ba1 without having nightmares. He blew 7f3a385c0b out the 35f45054e7 candles while cd8e3be6b1 thinking. Everything became dark.89d28db75e701b84

046ece45ec714a7e

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