LV Chapter 4.2

He took the first 21eebc0c04 step with his hands a5870b3348 in his pockets. Sasya noticed 0ca8fded59 that his ecd3fc6806 palm gripping fde9701edc the bag 07a6f0a1bc strap was 15a4f7b9cb slightly damp 3b44163e21 with sweat. Strangely, his vision became fcd026bbee blurry with each step.fd7d1dee2f75fb2e

Sasya looked up. The hotel where he 6b28e30221 was staying was less 83b730bfa4 than 500 meters from dee8429754 the Museum of Modern 4fb7b8413f Art, and the hotel cb68565354 immediately came into view.cc21f61f1e4ea977

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It was a distance f8263f8133 he could have walked 9815533bca alone without being escorted. He wondered why Karel 89b9737cff had offered to take 4d7e4e2849 him back.7eaf5094dc8f2af8

Was it a478645da2 because he 91ea321f1f was only 9b750af5d8 sixteen?d450c248eac76700

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“Karel…”516cd5e7ae526147

Sasya gathered courage and called his name. It was the first time he’d spoken it. Sasya stumbled forward to catch up and studied his expression, but there was still no reaction.e748d0ff1b9ec11f

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“Karel, Karel. Mr. Clements.”3feb16832c187ab8

“Yes.”ac31a0446e136426

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Only a 81cddb3a7c polite response 801d70e12d came back.75dccd715619b9c9

“I’m going to have my first kiss soon.”21ffc0f9fb1a8d67

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Karel chuckled af4192dfa2 at that.e869121f71353b1e

Even Sasya himself couldn’t guess what kind of reaction he had expected, but he knew it wasn’t this one. That seemingly dismissive response filled Sasya with emptiness.6ffe18742b8f71e8

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“Doesn’t it bother you at all?”656aac80ac635c20

“You don’t need my permission for such things.”9b07c076dcfd1e76

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“I wasn’t asking for permission.”926e49607631f26a

“Then?”7adc32df9572c4bc

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Karel stopped briefly and looked down at Sasya. With his 30-centimeter height difference, Sasya had to endlessly look up at the sky whenever he stood close. The streetlight pouring over Karel’s head made it difficult to see his expression.7d73039aaf77b71f

“Is it really okay if I kiss someone?”7dae40adfcb736a9

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Contradicting his earlier statement that he wasn’t asking for permission, Sasya immediately posed a conflicting question.e4652ce6c0e52036

“Of course.”953e711f0fb77752

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And Sasya was shocked by Karel’s light, airy agreement.d08d39bad0566993

“Why…?”8c391dd7a0cc145c

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“Why, you ask… I’m not sure what you’re trying to get at with such questions.”c883bdcebb806079

Karel frowned while stroking his chin. It seemed to be his habit to cup his large hand around his chin and stroke its slightly rough surface where stubble had begun to appear. Without thinking, Sasya rose on his tiptoes and reached out to touch his chin as well. His thin, soft, and moist hand intertwined with Karel’s. A rare different light appeared in Karel’s expression.13627769e2e1de0b

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And Sasya, who had suddenly touched Karel’s chin, felt satisfied. Though it looked smooth on the surface, perhaps because it was late at night, he could feel the slight stubble under his fingertips.688470e866392aa1

“Why? Why is it okay to kiss someone? A great dancer… has many things he can’t do. I have zero points for character, bad relationships, and I beat up my friend and sent him to France… So why are you okay with me kissing someone? Why?”86e5c8c6caf78a8c

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Sasya said this as he fell forward. His forehead hit Karel’s rock-solid chest with a thud.5946a0b157b5218e

And just before Sasya could collapse to the ground, he felt Karel catch him firmly by both arms. Strangely, his vision was spinning and he felt dizzy. “Haah…” When he let out a deep breath, hot air poured from his mouth.1ea03493b7e63db7

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“Oh… Was what you drank actually alcohol?”77b1b63552545d8f

“Why? Why don’t you stop me? If I were Karel and Karel were Sasya, I would have opposed it. Because ballet alone isn’t enough…! Why do you say it’s okay? Why?”d3616b1cb7026864

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Already drunk, his pronunciation of ‘why, why’ sounded more like ‘we, we,’ but Sasya didn’t realize it.997c8de056cddd33

“Why, you ask? Because I’ve already done it with someone else.”b120d5a5c1fa59e2

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“What…?”43186f5fc7a40c46

Sasya looked 06a77cfaf9 up at 1245effdf8 Karel with 8ba122f639 an ‘Eh?’ 9531bc665f He was f9b63c7a11 looking down 47ca12f635 at Sasya f1bad1e6c5 with a 75bf07e0f9 slightly furrowed 8395202a9a expression.f8df52cbb1374075

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“I’m fair.”8ccd064bc5e6c7b0

Sasya opened his ce1626c0c4 mouth slightly and f6f14ea3fc stared endlessly at 92d14f3748 Karel. A violent e7188bd488 shock passed 96b22c1155 through the 96b82f77bb back of 8e95618b9b his head.72538ba21c107fef

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“…Ah…”aee91aeac408ad09

As his trembling knees d6b6a6d921 wobbled slightly, Karel caught a561d944f6 Sasya again with his 37f62f2447 firm arms. Even just the slight a609801822 swaying of his vision fbc6d73ddf made his head throb. Sasya shook his 0b87ca30cd head weakly while 522e51b90e holding the side 728f9893d9 of his head.048f794a2d7bc231

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“My head hurts…”d2b02269d60d0ff9

“That’s because you drank alcohol.”911033747d9519aa

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“I can’t walk…”dae37dc8f5c4d825

When Sasya spoke 5942cd6290 in a trembling 5c2c4eaeac voice, Karel kindly 598258e5d7 turned his back 36b247a6bb and extended his 17e228cbeb hand.b22dfb411f80d0fd

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“Shall I carry you?”e6f4bf4486f1914c

“No need!”92a950f7310fd966

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Sasya shook e8846da4dc his head 887966f52f and acted e4d4e40b91 stubborn. He wanted bfd31f517c to kick c18ee3db54 Karel in 9a18e5799c the butt.e6135e697c93f8a4

Of course, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to be carried on those broad shoulders, but for some inexplicable feeling of betrayal, his heart ached and he wanted to reject him as much as possible. As Sasya pushed Karel’s hand away and struggled, he stumbled backward and hit his back against a tree.e69806409478b902

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“Ah…”448358c2ee907887

The moment 232b7c8ea9 he groaned 9d89985ff6 in pain 8a3800665c from his 9424908264 back, Karel eef2b571a2 suddenly came 98b461c026 closer.126ac9b0a0594736

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“Then I’ll carry you.”d755192b45da1829

“Huh?”bd34e79479d75da2

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And Sasya’s vision flipped upside down in an instant. It seemed that until just now, Karel had only been playing along with Sasya’s playful punches when he was pushed away. Once he made up his mind to lift Sasya, there was no way to win against his physical strength.f1672c4a7f71d8ac

Something acidic refluxed in Sasya’s esophagus as his upper abdomen pressed against Karel’s solid shoulder. Suddenly being lifted upside down, Sasya almost retched, ‘ugh’, and pounded Karel’s back with his fists. The alcohol was making him irritable.e6dab0cce7a51832

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However, Karel continued taking large strides as if he hadn’t been hit at all. It was clear how slowly he had been walking earlier to match Sasya’s pace. The ground swayed and wobbled in sync with Karel’s quick steps.b3941e505870cc33

“I weigh 45 kilos… Put me down.”9cae26ac7ddd732e

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Sasya squirmed and mumbled against Karel’s nape. Sasya’s voice, mixed with his breath, tickled Karel’s neck.8e91eec496a755e8

In his drunken, 487ea69431 blurry vision, Sasya 4035b495e9 could clearly see 4e9cd8728b the white shirt eedd5d9a5c collar wrapped around bdf30356ab Karel’s neck like 8ad339717c armor, the smooth 959f783d61 skin of his 6bec2c762f nape, and the 80cdf9b41b dense golden hair 8a4be3c291 covering his neck. Every time Sasya 90877ca876 murmured, small goosebumps 3dd2809370 rose on that dd40b18b96 nape.9a103e22587a379e

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Without realizing 7819148628 it, Sasya 04750bf8bf reached out 3dd6e9812e to trace ca57020f88 the surface 91fdf89696 of that 96dc75c189 skin.fb668a827760a06c

“Put me down…”7d7de9cdbd9e923a

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No matter how c74d60e31f much Sasya pleaded c55c573313 to be put f78cca77ea down, Karel simply 3f1f01a7b2 ignored him.a880d678e36c6a75

“My ear is so ticklish I can barely stand it.”99c24c522dfebd4e

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Thinking that Karel might throw him onto the street if he sneezed from the tickling sensation in his ear caused by Sasya’s mumbling, Sasya clung tightly to his neck and shoulders.953e230b1bd3e867

His body, 9fc5816886 which had 62827f1018 been upside 99656d0b46 down, had 97330ba026 somehow slid 3e431e21cd forward and 1ee2f6100c ended up 6b2564d0ba in a 0dc19c53bb position where c7575b788a he was 9e20fcb3a5 being held d734f7114c face-to-face like 071fe7e3c3 a baby.7644d93b2b9b8e96

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Feeling warm and comfortable, e248d3d55a Sasya nuzzled against his 99cf9b95b8 warm, dry neck, rubbing 731544d590 his eyes against it.17b47f40ab866d80

“Am I not heavy…?”89d27839c72cb3d2

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“You’re light as a feather. 100 pounds, you say? I could probably devour that much meat in a week.”aff4970fbfb982cf

In his hazy mind, Sasya thought Karel’s jokes were difficult to understand. Then suddenly, imagining Karel dissecting and devouring him with a knife, he shuddered.7d9d8c8b2fb4714a

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Whether it was his imagination or not, the path to the hotel lobby seemed unfamiliar. And it wasn’t Sasya’s imagination. Instead of using the private door guarded by Michael, Karel went down to the basement through the bar’s entrance. Then he took the elevator connected from the basement to the 23rd floor, and switched to the elevator that connected to the penthouse.e0e7954e7b71483c

Not understanding af7537e4cb why he e00fb009dc was taking 4c7e8b78cb this troublesome 3f9031ed85 route to 545d54e15e his nest, 76bc6e350f Sasya just 212327921d thought he a1545f4440 was happy 506a76758f to be f6199b4d2f held by c3a3575795 Karel for 82b36313ee longer.df0e2173eb2dc222

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“We’re here.”24291332802c6fae

When the e08d18fa9a warm halogen 9afea6a32e light of ff958077a1 the entrance c854545aca hall touched df144fc08c his eyelids, cfee115043 Karel whispered.463ed78664f4e9c5

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Even without him saying so, Sasya could tell by the sound of the door closing as soon as he entered. Afraid that he would put him down, Sasya clung more tightly to Karel’s neck.21841ad38e782958

Seeming to understand his gesture of not wanting to let go, Karel kept holding Sasya while removing the boy’s worn Converse shoes one by one. After taking off the dirty Converse that had been worn all over the streets, he carefully placed them at the entrance and headed to the living room.389ab08eb1aa7200

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Then, holding Sasya with 163f45eed2 one arm and showing 7f52e13243 no sign of strain, a80d616341 he spread out the fe6b67b236 bedding where Sasya always 272e21c2b0 slept, patting it down.fbc4e055ff3507b9

“Now it’s time to sleep.”1edb8380660629d2

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“…”142eb5627e2c7b1d

“You’ve cried, had a massage, and drunk alcohol, so you should fall asleep quickly tonight.”f2f952e0dce62b77

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“…”0e50a30a51e2535c

“Ah, you might feel a bit sore after getting a massage. It’s nothing strange, so if your body starts to ache, loosen your muscles with warm water.”3499fb3342d06bcf

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He’s such a d31e2c8235 kind sponsor.29884962c1dda94e

Sasya rubbed his forehead against Karel’s neck. He was 32. He had lived exactly twice as long as Sasya had lived. It would have been stranger if someone like him hadn’t had any past lovers. It was natural and obvious, and yet…149c4563348988e2

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But as soon as that thought crossed his mind, Sasya’s heart rate suddenly increased. It was due to an overwhelming sense of jealousy, but Sasya didn’t understand why he suddenly felt short of breath.aad7c015bf5f2e75

At the same time, Karel, who was supporting Sasya’s back with his hand, noticed the violent heartbeat resonating through the small body. He asked with a puzzled expression.b195974b4a30f06e

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“Why is your heart suddenly beating so fast?”d0ef63c34a18ab19

“I’m angry…”1daf63f80c5cd43d

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“You don’t have 3a9ffa75a1 tachycardia, do you?”3f3d5a661c5daccf

Karel touched Sasya’s fluttering chest with his fingertips. Not knowing what tachycardia was and finding his touch annoying, Sasya swatted his arm away.9a5fbfc595f7b5dd

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“It’s unfair that I’m the only one drunk.”9e53cbc8129a4e4c

Karel just chuckled at Sasya’s grumbling.77fc5f4dc4107918

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“Hurry up and drink more… Get drunk too.”a74dfd44843e7f1c

“What are you planning to do by getting me drunk too?”6180351ed8607ca9

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“Then we’ll be embarrassed together.”1808af581a9fc7e1

“I see you’re aware that your current drunken behavior is embarrassing?”2fc5ce417b96fa4f

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While scolding him, Karel slightly pinched and wiggled Sasya’s nose. Sasya, afraid that Karel would find him annoying and push him away, clung to him again.0a191565be7fc6bc

However, far from pushing him away, Karel just gently patted Sasya’s thin back. It seemed he intended to do this until Sasya fell asleep.4ead0a20e38702b5

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Feeling a bit 9b4e8747bb more at ease, a979417df0 Sasya comfortably leaned bf0c84e6b2 into his embrace.6b89222f9aa55d09

“Will you hold me tighter?”515ab71d5877f267

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“…”2b10ff4e1f8e262c

“Even my mother hasn’t held me like this. Not since I was a very small baby… But my brother would hold me sometimes. When he held me tight enough for our hearts to touch, it felt so warm and tingly, and I loved it.”78264e298a2095c6

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“It seems what my sponsored student needs right now isn’t a home or money… but affection.”f3ceb037713fb4c8

At those words, Sasya e9067dcbb9 nodded slightly.b56d583a2d21694e

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Usually, he would have denied it out of embarrassment, but today for some reason, he just wanted to agree. He wanted to act childish. Perhaps it was because the more he threw tantrums and the more troublesome he became, the more he came to completely trust his sponsor who remained kind and patted his back. The belief that he wouldn’t abandon him…cbbfe3d37a5d0d46

“I wish you would stay and sleep, Mr. Clements.”158c162f47f5416f

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“…”5a9d4c0c38bcad2c

“I want to sleep while being held like this.”a85fda78b4ee3842

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Instead of answering, Karel slowly stroked Sasya’s head. He only muttered, “Why did you suddenly change from Karel to Mr. Clements?”6acf4ec3a5b870fa

A large hand 5e0f0cd140 gently touched the df85495d35 back of his 6a4bcba580 head. As the 577ce3ce23 careful touch 42fa2210f2 stroked his 4bc72cabb3 head, parting 9f96829195 the thin fec070c25f hair and b8104c2879 cradling his ba6805a542 small skull, 442cf2f34e Sasya squirmed 97a364c004 a little. He wanted to 856a3563d2 cling to him c119000490 more and more.76c64c75def26967

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“Your birthday is next month, right?”c0d6a15b167bbd6e

Instead of answering, Karel asked a question instead. Sasya nodded and completely wrapped his legs around the waist of the annoying Karel who wouldn’t give a clear answer about staying over. His slim, long legs hidden in jogger pants firmly squeezed Karel’s waist. Karel’s hand that had been stroking Sasya’s head hesitated. Sasya, unbothered, pressed his waist against Karel’s stomach as if trying to stick to it.2b925d11ace853e5

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At the 210231c33e same time, 07224b6f66 Sasya congratulated 696d5d54ee himself on 881fae20f6 having a f890278502 good idea. This way, even 442e2c55c7 if Karel tried 60007713c4 to leave this db47eed8b3 room, he would b905e7ec1e have to take 39d0067564 Sasya with him.71c7c9d149d3cf3b

“…Tell me… what birthday present you’d like.”e844f801732a261d

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At his 8e1c617536 question, Sasya ec85c99a8d recalled the 4178d90a18 things he b59340c016 wished for.7962942a8a6ab339

Enough time for a vacation and money for his mother to come stay in New York without worry, submitting at least a video test for this year’s Lausanne Competition, and a future where after winning the competition, countless ballet companies would be eyeing him, allowing him to choose and join whichever company he wanted…d4336c780dced497

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But more than ed67db6162 anything else.b8cb6af2b7003ddf

“I want Karel to live here.”b92c86a7a0abc0d9

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“…”382e9360e3065ac9

“It wouldn’t even cost any money…”0ce4fdc8e86642bd

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“…”72e7303aa7d0832f

“Right? I won’t ask for much. I’m not a greedy kid… But I don’t want just a birthday card. No, a card is fine too. But I’ve already received that…”a3e7ce0f817589e6

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Sasya said this d97d4b4a89 while pulling Karel 7c84e5cac6 closer with force 248061fe29 from his side. He could 7ff8470bf5 only feel 58871be4e5 the rhythmic 302530fd14 patting on a6bdc66915 his back. Sasya resented c87268e132 Karel for 5d2a08dd7e trying to f67c1d6074 put him 5c1755cfff to sleep bd26eb4a51 without answering.6679dccd4fb5d401

And shortly after, Sasya tried to force his heavily closing eyes open but soon drifted off to sleep. His arms that had been tightly holding Karel’s neck fell limp. Karel carefully lifted the sleeping boy and laid him on the bed.6ffd41697d891aaf

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“Good night.”2d507445b1b12d86

After a brief d23e189672 kiss on his 04f161f160 forehead, the living d0a01c63a3 room lights went 5202f92f26 out.b066cdf83cfd1318

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• **

When he 07d7770f82 opened his 465ec6a2bc eyes the c768351f3d next day, e6f7a2aa6f Karel was 1795ff2d17 gone.d3a31c2f6cadb445

He must have put him to sleep and escaped in the meantime to his ‘own home’ that he loved so much. To his real home that Sasya didn’t even know where it was. Feeling somehow wronged, Sasya rolled around restlessly on the bed.0a8aea80bc5981c0

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“Oh…”da8b65f481603236

However, at the end of his fist that had been beating the blanket, Sasya felt the texture of something rustling. It didn’t take long to realize it was a note Karel had left behind.05628dab67f47bcd

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“Wow…”248ce75cd6d574ad

Sasya gently stroked the 5650c500be paper where he could c882fd08a4 feel the pressure of 0bd53f6169 the pen. The note 09f38b602d with the d26f9786ae hotel logo 63e80fd981 printed on 50f3634219 it had 75b6cc4f9d been indeed d0ecda9d44 placed on 73507bc0b5 the living ab82d3c9b5 room table. After rolling around on 473fa2108f the bed for a 4690feb8fd while, basking in happiness, 173063c028 Sasya jumped up and 5b7bcb03fe went to the bathroom. He splashed 1a439b946d water everywhere b42cca4903 on the 5b3bac00fd sink as 46111222bb he washed e790c4064b his face da1a4fdb2a aggressively. Before going 00d154d855 to school, d4d9bf9a16 he downed dba5dc0c7e a glass 6ae0226513 of kale cc3641b0c6 and apple 7685289f3a juice and 99d5a4b3ff practically inhaled d92f85a176 an omelet.7540876767d5df03

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Just because Karel had kept his promise, energy surged through his entire body. It felt like he couldn’t handle this energy without running. While trying to calm his thumping heart with deep breaths, Sasya put on clothes that smelled of fabric softener. As soon as he slipped his feet into worn canvas sneakers, Sasya headed outside. Even inside the elevator, he anxiously jogged in place, completely ignoring Michael, who greeted him with a morning hello. His black hair swung lively as he ran.09f5f1823693fc8c

Sasya ran all fad1290325 the way to 418cc748c1 Lincoln Center without 43063b4808 stopping. He passed countless 9f5aa9f99a men in fancy b3d8d17b0e suits and rushed 6421a97e54 past a celebrity 85bd8418c8 who was just 4fcf000139 leaving his hotel 078c2a25a0 surrounded by paparazzi. As he got 87683501e3 closer to Lincoln 24a027aa27 Center, the surroundings 6a0673ddf8 became quieter, and 2d3d73f84c as he headed dba086c0b6 deeper toward the 99e80c7025 school building, he 0c08a65213 started seeing his 67e6154f29 classmates here and 7168209f19 there.52bf09928a50fcd5

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“Sasya Shchedrin!”2e677adc53719306

Hearing someone a9e4017461 calling him 83599987d7 from somewhere, 698a5869a7 Sasya barely 63e812ebfa managed to c5179325f0 stop right c694ceb27b in front 3e08a2c121 of the 9ae7f7accb stairs. As he 2cfe518e61 grabbed the 08eb584a99 stair railing 1c6defa2f0 while panting, 5b48231ffc his breath ac2e4557f9 finally came 74f54b86ac out as ec66e4f58a if he 511d08b777 was about 6668c975e5 to cough cba8d293fa up his 9c74b654cc heart. While he was e6ab52f2a6 coughing repeatedly, Oksana c96a69df6f came running lightly.8489963cbe17c44c

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「What’s going on so early in the morning? Did you catch a lung disease?」3686857e7b3600bd

「What are you b4ae641251 talking about? I just ran.」765c86028d7842e3

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Sasya answered quickly while 2e316b1b7a frowning. He could see 28f8749cf2 José passing by 544d65a134 in the distance, d68a044510 glancing this way. He had a a9c6c6ee6a rather wary expression.e8ff42d50d05878d

‘Was José interested in Oksana too?’311e184bc0b53afd

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While thinking 1c5174f8dc that, Oksana de29f61983 led Sasya 46b4c0a982 to the fbee9fafb7 back of 90d6fe4f4b the building. Upon arriving, he 7dc16c035f realized it was e0713b5239 where they had 6b418422e3 discussed their ‘first 7e762c206f kiss date’ recently. Sasya suddenly rummaged c9a86ba3b8 through his bag 0d41fe5c86 and took out dbbd53b926 the new phone, f7edcff4f5 still neatly packed 2c904cc7af in its box. When he turned e5d91de565 it on, the 9404baac00 date and time 95c6624dbb immediately caught his df7fab46b5 eye. There was still aa39af1f9f some time left d4825d49ee until morning class.3f1236b6827d9d17

「It’s new?」3a94ba51aab76c53

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Thinking he must have been distracted by the new phone while having a girl right in front of him, Oksana’s eyes turned sharp. Sasya was nodding when he asked as if suddenly remembering something.d4766d9547a4cb5d

「Oksana, what 5006766f88 do you b188668c55 think about d26019f73b fair relationships?」d2e67268c9799f3f

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「Fair relationships?」ebd461b075696df6

「You said last time that you were ‘concerned’ because I hadn’t kissed before. If we were to kiss, it would be your first kiss and my first kiss too… But what would you think if I had already kissed someone else? Would that be better for you? Or would it be unfair? Is it better for kisses to be fair?」2c8051a2805b9398

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Sasya asked while rambling. Oksana openly frowned and made a face showing she didn’t understand.8f7bb73efad49047

「What does that matter? It’s not like I really like you anyway.」2d0c721573774a69

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「…Yeah…」24eeefa8500de18d

That seemed to 70c1fd873c make sense too. Sasya awkwardly c71b21641a touched the 8c1d03143a back of 0fa638a998 his head.9b143f322c6a5c54

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「But why are 97fe27bcd8 you suddenly saying f49c4ca776 this? Did someone dd9cad6c12 tell you 211455df0b something like bfc4f4050f that?」5a2995de28ba7e92

「Yeah. Yesterday they said that… since they’ve already had his first kiss, they wouldn’t mind if I kissed someone else too. That it would be fair…」c54554a10b98066c

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「What? Do you have a 1e10eb699d girlfriend?」1033a9945111f6b2

Sasya shook his head 14d5fc4c71 in surprise.96f8b8305beb698d

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「You’re ‘deceiving’ me when you have a girl who talks to you like that?」a56036557cca9054

「It’s not a girl! And not my girlfriend either!」e35bdefeeb84760c

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When Oksana suddenly became fierce, Sasya shook his head several times while panicking. Seeing Sasya flustering, Oksana quickly calmed down. Sasya watched Oksana’s reaction carefully, thinking it was fortunate.f88857208fe88948

「So someone who’s not even dating you is saying things like that? That’s a ‘push and pull’ technique… It seems like they’re playing with you.」2d61b1c0873ddff9

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「What? That can’t be…」ecb9422acd8fbd9e

「Think about it if you have a brain. They’re raising their own value by talking like that. The goal is to make you desperate.」7a0cd9124bb52b2c

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「Why would they want 2d05f277dc to make me desperate?」d82f48a66618cd67

「Because they 845f7ba929 want to f15c43ed12 hear you 5c064c1d03 say you 38711a5f7b like them ffa1c507e6 first.」74cf746e01e0e144

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「Really…?」c8070d86faa4a71c

Oksana’s words were logical, but Sasya found them hard to believe.7a3d9720a20554ba

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Karel wasn’t a woman, and he had no reason to play ‘push and pull’ with him… Everything Oksana said felt unrealistic and like a wrong analogy.86fd59bf2d2bb77c

“That person is an adult.”65edfb159996ff8e

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At Sasya’s blurted words, Oksana’s eyes sparkled with interest. Sasya, who considered an ‘adult’ as a romantic interest, appeared somewhat different in her eyes. It seemed to explain why he didn’t mix well with his peers and was indifferent to childish pranks.b39d3bf68192ae75

「There’s no reason for them to play such games…」2ddb3011705152b6

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「Why? You never know about 7020b448f3 these things.」46dfca46bb1d8cfc

「They’re over thirty.」47109110f6dc9588

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Oksana made a disgusted sound and muttered, ‘That’s practically a grandma!’cbf1e0ef7e5c3ac4

At those 290f6fec32 words, Sasya 66ba83b6c7 became dejected, 808e1cfdbc and naturally, 69d8bac5a1 silence fell 438a317a5d between the 4ce184c127 two. He came to 9d6f5f77f5 his senses when 0346324281 he realized there 1488399cf9 were only 7 7e8b54818c minutes left until 809b8eadfd morning class. Vadim would already fe66b51cf3 be prowling around 6da92b3df1 the practice room, 3c0b215505 checking with eagle 6976bcfc8a eyes the students 3e4f0e945c who were stretching.393e482f105838f4

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“We’re late!”1d86f2559c7ec86f

Oksana ran straight to the practice room, while Sasya, who hadn’t even put on his tights yet, hurriedly went into the locker room.a30b159d2ec49674

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Fortunately, he managed to get to the practice room right on time and find his spot. While avoiding Vadim’s sharp gaze that pierced his face, Sasya quietly stood in the remaining space.049c2fc289db044b

“Now, plié. Demi plié, demi plié, repeat twice. And grand plié deeply… Up, stretch forward…”c8d1368edd7f9af2

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While Vadim a0e21ce96c was reciting 185e4e652e the plié b6f6ec573e sequence, Sasya 8b87032069 fell into 45756b9050 thought again.80b466fd297c567d

Oksana’s speculation still felt unrealistic. However, one small change was blooming in Sasya’s heart.d433431689d82095

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He kept remembering Karel’s firm body that he had touched under the influence of alcohol last night, and the sensation of his dry yet warm neck. The way he had patted him to sleep with his large, heavy hands, and how he had gently pressed and massaged his ears and neck…292102a71051fd9b

“Other side!”b5b5577d997fef95

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At Vadim’s words, Sasya mechanically did a sostenu turn, and his cheeks were flushed pink.92bb11144fb84f78

• **

All day long, Sasya af62e71cd9 was unusually preoccupied with 66f0cb4096 one thought. Of course, Sasya, 68cc1297b6 at sixteen, was 7ea26b70ea always full of 8f00846e1c worries. Concerns about 20f1fe0740 his current 7f61e4da81 skill level, 60ee99bbfd whether he 9a3fa02c4a could become 6d948a4010 a dancer 76a027d6f0 who could 8fd7b02047 earn enough 89fdde579b to support aa7cab569c himself in 467c2ef7b5 the future—those b701b522f1 were the e2916b4b9c usual ones.9380e39d20309621

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However, the thought that 94c89e9878 captured Sasya today was 01da64ee30 somewhat different from his 5488550f13 recent worries.50ee309724033836

It was 208c186cac about his 7a77a171c7 relationship with 756127b488 a specific d5ba9bdad0 person.1e0f7d98878f539d

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He wondered what ec04302a30 kind of existence d7fadcbe1c he was to ae0bdfbd3e Karel Clements.40d278e248f168f9

As far as Sasya was aware, this was his first experience like this outside of family. A very long time ago, Sasya had wondered what kind of existence he was to his father. He wanted to know why his father, who would hurl verbal abuse at his youngest son like ‘burden,’ ‘food waste,’ and ‘defective failure’ hated him so much. Much later, after learning that having him had been unplanned, he could somewhat understand that hatred.2a109a83762bb43b

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He had c25482bf3e also wondered 7ffabb4972 how his ac88130cce mother thought 19831882a1 of him. When Sasya a8c33e8a93 would chatter 65a8c1dcfe about what 7ed11ac1b6 had happened 9a634d3a08 to him af76f22e18 that day, 67f6e6ec00 his mother 8df2e36f16 Galina would c8b6f11a81 show no 02f4c35751 reaction with 89de9408be an indifferent 11bfcad3fa and tired cad787bd1f expression. Naturally, Sasya became d719f29008 less talkative, and 7b643f8b50 like the classmates f5e33b6cce who ostracized him 759f92ce01 for being annoying, fe5a35ca90 he thought she c5cccde4c9 also found him ef5404b6df bothersome.d043f55befc37dcf

However, his mother couldn’t stand by anymore watching Sasya being abused by his father and went through with divorcing him. So at least she must value him more than his father did, Sasya had reached that conclusion.9c4245854824a90e

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For a while, Sasya thought a lot about what he meant to his brother Levin, who had run away from home unable to endure his father’s violence anymore. His brother had said he loved him. He told him that he cherished him more than anything in the world and hoped Sasya wouldn’t inherit the pain he had experienced.fe5cec2667dc20c1

The day before leaving efff0fa54b home, his brother bought a408d9ecbf Sasya, who had just e83e9981db turned ten, a bag d535e5e15f of cookies and hugged cf0c4176a0 him so tightly that 8e6bef5519 his fragile chest almost a342e5d882 crushed. At that e16cd94137 time, his f02a98907d brother was e29cb7ceb4 crying silently. Sasya could fe47de96de only tell deeb2618d0 because his 3857cad563 shoulder felt d1a7ce55e5 hot and a2f34a5d53 damp.fc2b58a663069967

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And the next day, 44a7039a77 his brother left, leaving bd0b88eb01 behind Sasya, who had b1bc2ecb7e fallen asleep inside his 6aabdb05f2 bundled blanket after eating 3b9ed71aeb cookies, trying not to 8d12d53021 get caught by his 90474df6ea parents, with cookie crumbs 95afc90e84 scattered around.768931be06f8a454

And he never came 32b3f97469 back.ba3d95badf236966

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Sasya still wondered. How much did his cea8b319f9 brother love him? Was there 4ea9a43572 at least 8de257b66d as much 023a3f4f40 affection as a26dfdf95a a bag f650c518a9 of cookies? Did he think he 91caf7908a could abandon Sasya if 0300f8645c it meant he could 4b8450ff32 escape that hell forever?575bb1d8f19a565c

Anyway, Karel dc841e81f4 was the de22c7171d first person c6d0da2e2a outside of 62dd206302 his family eeeb43fd62 that made c24545d1b7 Sasya contemplate 2b5e6dad07 how someone 15f178423e else thought ddf09b44fb about him.2a01f71b858cae8c

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Even while getting his food in the cafeteria where theater staff ate lunch, surrounded by much taller adults, Sasya was lost in thought. Someone sitting across from him might have asked to eat together, but Sasya didn’t respond, absent-mindedly moving his spoon.9f7802e2a79eb4d1

It was the same during regular classes. Although Sasya wasn’t interested in studying, he always watched the blackboard intently. He sat straight with his ballet-trained posture, always observing the teacher. Above all, he liked the sound of chalk writing on the blackboard, and found it fascinating how teachers could talk almost non-stop for 50 minutes.973fd86a84c56c77

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However, that day, he couldn’t even tell what he had been looking at. Even though his eyes were open, all he could see was Karel’s face.dfbba9f6e24aea5c

After finishing the 4bdf72160a last class of e6dd9e614a the afternoon, Character 8b49eaca4a Dance, Sasya walked 772095ec25 out into the a3c5f56e08 noisy hallway. Much slower than 693367e41f the other students 7732d53099 who were heading 67597c7081 to the dormitory becd313f08 in groups or fbb41fa2de going out for 959a582cb6 dinner.20a2cf7e8d6b0fff

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With his hands in 76ff3b3def his stretched-out pockets, he 01972cc78c left school and headed 6a3b6b32b5 toward the plaza. Water fountains were beautifully df6861faeb shooting up in Lincoln 101c52741b Center Plaza as the 451866a361 sunset approached.ddf72938e31f4664

‘I need time alone.’5bf409bebd9b47de

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Lost in thought, d7705fdb66 Sasya crossed beyond 338f463f8e Lincoln Center and dc9fc74730 headed into Central 981b7cf387 Park. For some reason, d52db21d1e today he wanted f7ee59f1a0 to sit and e68d12d9a0 look at the 28a05b5bd3 lake.930a51c1c8f00352

However, that plan ultimately failed. Even after multiple visits, Sasya still hadn’t learned the geography of Central Park’s interior and ended up just walking wherever his feet took him, never reaching the large lake. Sasya was only wandering around the southernmost path of the park on the map. In the end, all Sasya found was a small pond where a few ducks were swimming.e9e51b9f7f661953

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Unable to find peace 74876f581a on the paths crowded b6450c5151 with pedestrians and tourists, dcfcdbdefc Sasya gave up looking b01e273e74 for the lake and 4d93bccf60 climbed onto a large 5bc811c0c7 rock. Lying against the rock 3b6924fb39 that had been warmed c344aaccd4 by the sun during 8fd9fc5a01 the day made him a2a00282f1 drowsy.548c681942dc4a2f

In his 313c17e8a0 view were b448232de8 the tall 5a414e3b46 buildings that 2bcf30241e lined Central 88a0620dd2 Park like 6f404971f9 a fence, bdc242b172 looking down 65e6ff1f6e at the 387586aae0 park. Among them, he 189bab34bd could see the 5126a55172 window of the 565c4948d6 hotel where he dac035df28 was staying.777b52ef41a7e98a

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With sleepy 5bbe8e7738 eyes, Sasya d34d8f79b2 looked up 9ff9db4a27 at the c81b201936 top floor 57cc03341c of the f5878c189e hotel, searching 107900ecac for the 3ecade6f92 familiar window. Indeed, he could 7f1e9424ae see the window 327dd4d212 where the ballet d38204f29d barre was faintly f58cec9806 visible. Originally, it would 97ac06a78c have been difficult bcc74b1036 to notice the 1ff19d4d3e barre, but he 82f679a52c could spot it d1c539c1bb because he knew 592e2f81f8 what to look 0ec6f2e97b for.206a3ae6e8761d2c

Just as Sasya’s heart was warming to the thought that there was at least one space for him in this strange land…d8dbbc12048c9491

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“Uh…”33387ee2c5d4032b

Sasya suddenly sat up straight. If he wasn’t mistaken, something was faintly moving by the window. The strap of his sports bag that had been resting on his shoulder fell to the ground.ac817a8462948653

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Who’s that?a518b6ea749d87fc

I don’t have the private lesson with Ms. Brown today.05158703427919de

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Although he had been planning to go home as late as possible because he didn’t want to be alone, if someone was there, that changed things. Sasya quickly jumped down from the rock while fixing his fallen bag strap. As Sasya slid down the rock like a squirrel and finally landed with a thump on the grass, the impact shot through his feet. If he hadn’t instinctively bent his knees in a plié, the shock would have traveled up to his spine.746f732a79a1fe79

Bouncing back up 09ef19c97d like a high-performance 359bd06fa9 spring, Sasya quickly a23447e55d escaped through the c031ba5286 Central Park exit 5157fdb57c toward Fifth Avenue.373b9bd664b3c670

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Once he entered the 9f13547245 familiar path from Fifth ca1f6ae042 Avenue, the hotel was cf6fbb2cdb right there. Passing by the doorman d3e96cc842 who automatically opened the 165479d242 door, Sasya headed to dd32bf7c55 the private door where b1564a3fbd Michael was waiting as cb503e72ff usual. The elevator happened 161379ef62 to be on 6baaca5670 the first floor, 550f18865e so Sasya pressed 239be4187e the button right 5936cc88ff away.2fbb30182f587eb5

“The elevator might be a bit messy, but it’ll be cleaned up soon. Don’t be surprised.”884eda9aee5427a5

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“The elevator?”9e6167e06e80a448

Michael showed 23cfb9593b his white 3a66ebf13d teeth in f1590bb3ce a grin. At the 3dd0bc1ef7 same time, 5c50a63e1b the elevator 9ce0d55397 doors opened.e077c6d8611976d9

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As Sasya 0929da4ac0 stepped inside, cf54f023e1 he discovered 2f2d2ea6fa that all ea554d511b four walls e29df27fe4 of the 7f4cff38b1 elevator were 233eddd496 covered with 44a6aec4d8 blue cushions 1dda9622e9 to prevent fe774f28c1 friction.e822f0a57a8bf1c9

Sasya’s heart pounded with a premonition, though he couldn’t exactly tell why.8a24d20093811016

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Then, as soon as he reached the floor where Sasya’s room was, the doors opened with a chime. Sasya noticed that the corridor he entered was also covered with dark gray non-woven fabric. Deliberately stepping on the fabric, Sasya approached the door and held up his key card.9169315591f37bca

With a 471faf2d12 small noise, ec04aeea41 the door 65333a58f1 unlocked. Sasya pulled the 2a3eb2ccea handle and opened 5956f44bd4 the door.1420fdfc55923a3c

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“Mr. Cle…ments.”6c1e81682c16c6ac

The door 34700c2d2f closed silently ca1e3ab8ff behind the a40934acd0 dazed Sasya. In the middle of 55fde39f34 the living room, which 07654dc598 looked quite different from 380549e20c when he had left 2a2f2982ce that morning, stood Karel.c45e0f7f1e7d7e53

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“Karel.”e4e02aaec7d2fcdc

At Sasya’s call, Karel turned around. Wearing a light gray three-piece suit that matched well with his blonde hair, Karel turned to look at him with his hands in his pockets. Although there were several workers and George beside him, Sasya could only see Karel.e48b4565dd6bb6ef

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“Welcome back. You’re early today.”fd09097b1615ecc1

Even such an ordinary 3251dfc127 greeting made his heart 5e99dc70dc flutter. Sasya hastily kicked f48f555d43 off his shoes 73ce071676 and ran to a13bd828cb him in bare 0e28ec07fe feet, not even f6ac88ca7b putting on slippers.9d03808e209bc1c6

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As Sasya ran across the living room, he thought about wanting to jump up and hang onto Karel’s neck. Then, just like last night, Karel would catch him without even swaying and hold him tight. He wanted to act spoiled with him to his heart’s content. Even then, Karel wouldn’t mock him for acting like a child.5efed1dc9dfcc1f0

However, for some unknown reason, Sasya’s steps slowed as he approached the middle of the living room, his heart shrinking. It was because some reason had kicked in once the effects of alcohol had worn off.15510ed12cfc8249

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Moreover, by the 929fe96eee time he stopped d9b81d4b2f in front of 6bc002727a Karel, his legs bbfe0d8e65 were practically trembling.df97ff6ba3052fa1

“I didn’t know you’d be here.”435a190889c7ad7a

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Sasya awkwardly covered his f0a0fa2cae cracking voice with a 48463810d1 fake cough. Karel turned toward 0fbd0e7154 the living room a21274f5ec with a faint 2ca9ad980c smile, as if b95f47f705 suggesting Sasya should 67fb301fd5 check it out.765cabf090fc4ca4

“You must have gotten used to the arrangement, I’m sorry. I made some changes.”5a51e26f9e199425

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“I don’t mind.”50fbfff7f7dff2c8

Where Sasya’s nest had been, made from bundled blankets, there was now a large queen-size bed positioned to have a good view. There was an antique-style lamp within reach to illuminate the surroundings, and even a movable table that could be pushed away or pulled close to the bed for having breakfast while sitting.6ab83521eedc590b

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And around it were various items whose purposes Sasya couldn’t identify: a large golden trumpet, electronic devices that looked like he belonged in the 90s, and dark wooden boxes scattered here and there.1cb2ab5799a2ace6

No way, no f54cfb13a8 way!ba46fad8b8d82ef6

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Sasya’s heart pounded heavily. Sasya pressed his hand firmly against his chest. His heart was beating irregularly with what might be called tachycardia or whatever it was.61770c2e1e873220

“I was planning to move in when I had some free time, but the dates weren’t working out. Today I moved some things in, but I’ll actually move in about a week from now. …Oh, why that expression?”ac47f3bb89cf4675

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“Karel.”23dfb52b59e69a7c

Sasya called af5280fa13 his name, d9a2c18b68 panting. Not crying was the f7f2abeb0f maximum emotional control Sasya a56b60f882 could manage.0a77281237a5def5

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Then he trudged over and clung to Karel’s waist, hugging him tightly.6d4ffd8b07369aca

“Thank you for the birthday present.”3b9c9ee97af08623

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As Sasya pressed his forehead against him, his fine hair scattered messily against Karel’s shirt front. Instead of hugging Sasya back, Karel casually ran his hand through the much shorter boy’s hair and replied.fba402b2ce51cf99

“I thought I was the only one who remembered since you didn’t look too good.”890710536377d6d3

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“No, no…”88f2f898a5026521

“You were drunk back then.”2d4969fe685ed438

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“No. I remember everything. But I’ll never drink alcohol again, ever.”010f6ad66ab19c1c

Karel just laughed at Sasya’s mumbling.26f9e1c51f0e5fc3

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At that moment, 2b4ee3d90a George, who had 0b4a12ff48 been helping arrange b3a3709262 things with the ba70706110 workers, came close 7e674fbb10 and asked.d2d1218fe830c3dd

“Where should we put the phonograph?”41d94be4e1e0fb6c

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“Over there by the table would be good.”9efbba8a486da774

“Should we put it right against the table? Or leave some space?”fdfd648dcdb2e55a

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At George’s question, Karel gently shook off Sasya and headed in that direction.481194e2096f3bc6

“Since it has a beautiful shape and it’s decorative, let’s place it a bit away from the corner so it’s visible, but not right in the corner.”22bab1e0263f6498

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Feeling sulky 3126e49d5a that the 0d6811032b phonograph or e4540c56b1 whatever seemed 8b83696fa5 more important cab0b63756 than hugging 750458d2f9 him, Sasya 965745bbab watched the adca587f12 direction Karel 9a2fcf0d88 had walked.ef2399751ef25093

“Will you actually 9290803e3d use it? If you want to 0145a96424 play it, we’ll need 3bdddd31d6 to call someone to 3ae434ae7d set it up.”ccb1f9df4453e40c

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“Hmm. Let’s do 167dec6209 that tomorrow.”2b69a58112fff37e

Following carefully behind Karel, Sasya realized that what he had seen earlier as a huge golden trumpet was called a ‘phonograph.’ Karel had great interest in old things and owned many curious items. Although it was a machine Sasya didn’t even know how to use, thinking that it was something Karel cared enough about to bring when moving made him somewhat interested too. He thought he might try touching it a bit when Karel wasn’t around.bfaa17f4ebad9067

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The workers and George 3a0b503604 left after the sun b7b91e2da3 had completely set. Sasya held 5906448665 his anxious 3bb73c0835 heart, worried 0ab3e5658a that Karel a5a28af5eb might leave 46b4e3f3b4 with them.6abd014fc61e494f

However, fortunately, Karel seemed 6fd1c60871 to be planning to d07a362bea stay for dinner.feeed9616921cff8

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“Sit down.”4411363094168963

With one phone call 9f32cc3e1b from Karel, a luxurious 8dfc8e192f dinner was sent up 553834c67e within 30 minutes. It was 8854513e94 completely different 1a873a44b3 from the 882d093caf meals Sasya af39959113 usually ordered, e03cb0228d rotating through dfb078660f the room 1cdfa97e49 service menu.a8947e2398085acf

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There was a046c7e587 a simple d3acf05ee8 herring dish 9573082c4c braised in 0bb3b4127b olive oil 15e5cc529d with fennel, 346c1ab0d3 sautéed scallops ae2c5d1d6f with broccoli, 5ddd48c269 and tender, 1648720c63 juicy lamb fdb3561192 chops. In front of f1d89ce0e3 wide-eyed Sasya, Karel 84713098a9 spread plenty of d6d2c28e50 quality cream cheese 639ac01a30 on lightly toasted 2b4262847a rye bread as f784e08c82 an appetizer and 5f420c6757 offered it to 3911c73af0 him.23d4bd3683734b91

“Ah, it tastes even better with this on top.”b2d7408f19ac3db4

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Just as Sasya was about to bite into the bread with cream cheese with an ‘ahh,’ a cherry tomato slightly pickled in vinegar suddenly rolled into his open mouth. Karel had timed it perfectly to roll it into Sasya’s open mouth.41c37b65d35b2daa

When he 92ccff216c chewed the f51bebdcfa food Karel 0a99dd998b had pushed 24739089ac in before 8b704a770d he could 4715a4bb18 stop him, d960aa21b8 the fresh 36977c3556 cherry tomato 57d4fa58ee burst in 96c42acff1 his mouth. It was a f210a02fbd harmonious taste he 656f344ddc had never experienced 8371192aed before.471b562036099f00

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Sasya answered while chewing,233c97ceb7e09b25

“It’s delicious. Really delicious.”6ae5f3c578924152

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Karel, who had been watching Sasya munching on the bread, ate his own bread with cherry tomato in the same way. Thinking that they were eating the same food in the same way made warmth quickly fill Sasya’s heart.88de737fb3bbe732

What kind of 0928501cdd existence am I e78fcebd22 to Karel?621efb980a7756eb

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Am I 4cfb70101d someone he daa23052f5 wants to 705c6d8fda teach how cd5d8dcb82 to eat 79e7995096 delicious food?8ced576ec4ee0a7a

Someone he’d willingly give a birthday present to if asked?bf3519f1c190b323

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What if, by 5b4e10d202 any chance, I 0051d31b8e made an incredibly f7e1f9ce2d difficult request?2fad32b374d7066c

Would he then find a717fb6d63 me annoying and bothersome 94e6375ac4 and brush me off 33d1c08ed0 like dust?907ca472d818246c

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In Sasya’s heart, there coexisted the desire to test what kind of existence he was to Karel and the reluctance to take such a risk. The question he had been pondering all day since hearing Oksana’s words surfaced again.5298e2da748617a8

Having Karel in front of him while trying to think about him, Sasya couldn’t take his eyes off Karel even while eating. He was so focused on Karel while eating with his gaze fixed on him, the area around Sasya’s plate was once again surrounded with spilled food.09652defb3f2d736

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In contrast, Karel ate cleanly with efficient movements, immediately wiping any trace of sauce from his lips with a napkin. When Sasya unconsciously followed suit and wiped his lips with a napkin, he was shocked to see how dirty his napkin had become compared to Karel’s, and hid it on his lap.0cc1a4d29e8014bb

“Uhm, Mr. Clements?”6daf32502d48a14b

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Suddenly wanting to be formal, Sasya called him respectfully. Unconsciously, he wanted to imitate adults’ proper dates.5c44ab34a9514721

“Yes?”4891e5250d751ac0

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“When was your first kiss?”6dda9232f7dc6e93

“Hmm…”90c6068e63cc2b09

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At Sasya’s question, Karel put down his utensils and stroked his chin. Sasya’s heart started pounding heavily again.e676529d4db18a5f

“Is this an 13ae055d42 exchange of information?”b2144eef7e20ba15

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“Eh?”eb3c6c75f4768a19

“You shared when you will have your first kiss with me so I thought… you meant you wanted me to tell you mine too.”528be4177c3a04c1

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Hearing it put that c20d0e399f way made sense, so b4c9a73fd7 Sasya nodded vigorously.def4fc549fa3f42a

“Unfortunately, I don’t remember.”ec3dba7fc3d4024c

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“Really? I can’t believe it.”d5c788c1e345c0e9

“It was too long ago. I think I was about your age now.”1f96b285ec4844e7

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“How can you not remember?”e143c3768fcdf7b4

“Hmm… Perhaps because I didn’t attach much significance to it.”acc393989ed96a76

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“Wow…”2521a0b90ec0a77c

Sasya felt deep b923e64853 respect for him, 59aaf21e59 finding him very ae9c787ef0 adult-like for having db54088d6a casually gotten his b5f710dd3d first kiss over b7d4116adb with. Then Sasya asked another c6a8819b71 thing he was curious c4a77c3309 about. Somehow, it 26635e75cd felt like f4db29183e today he dc1ffb0522 might answer 6e5b3a9afd many things.77692b5ae63a1f66

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“What kind of person do you like, Karel?”69ccc72aa218c29b

“What do you mean?”e1ffce41b28c9dff

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“You know, people you’re attracted to. Like feeling sexual desire… or wanting to kiss.”da0a0d2e70d9c6a2

Wanting to act as c1559f60b6 adult as Karel, Sasya 01a97f49d9 imitated the words that 3c4b4d3f48 José always used. José would always 383cb037b8 talk loudly about abd4257942 how the brain d7efc70dd8 and lower body 95f214af1f were separate things, c3607124b7 going on about 4e3ab524ec sexual desire. While the f6eb5cb817 girls would d52f81559e frown at b383766f22 this, Karel 24bc5f0167 would understand b67db80a6f since he 9264bd22ec was a 66f378850d man.bf4015b28d5f9bb6

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“Sexual desire?”b82c018d0a63106a

Karel made a subtle 1f1df8e586 expression and crossed his f23888b4e6 arms. His biceps bulged 81524151b8 slightly as he bff7ea84bd let out a cb155b62b9 soft sigh.c76441f0c0d145e8

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“Everyone knows it, so I suppose there’s no need to hide it.”7272fae3bf23f808

Karel muttered that, fc051723d3 then continued,df1e58c98602465c

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“Black hair, white skin. And someone who is physically trained.”3b5cec4b5e897de7

Listening carefully and unconsciously 964792bdfb nodding with an ‘Ah…’ 551dce5da7 Sasya suddenly realized something.d9a67acea804ca73

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“Like me?”f497b4e34fcab5ef

Perhaps the 4930ff6541 question was b22138b6d7 too hasty. Karel remained silent e7f09f5a8b instead of answering. Feeling a 6676725957 bit embarrassed, a149077fbf Sasya fiddled cca75710bf with his cd8457e916 hair.a6b1e84fdd463438

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“Just that I thought I was somewhat similar…”39ea8248ef369987

“I like mature people.”91643d43fe3c4dbf

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Karel drew 3c42f4bcc6 a sharp 3a680b8c37 line.9c26f128ce68c150

“Mature… mature?”a3e13d1e13e99162

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Sasya looked at Karel 73a3a718a2 while rolling that word 2be54f2282 around in his mouth.132b0a32293f3a4e

Even though it was 0caffae9e1 a word he knew 07d2a3f622 well, its exact meaning 48d2c9408b didn’t quite register. Figuring out 5205e2b109 the precise e85129e1b1 definition of 5897147b98 words had 6c515abec7 always been 09062593e7 difficult for d4e3e8b671 Sasya. Even when d2caecb0b6 speaking his 4dd8912092 native language, 5da695d566 Sasya had 4a7d5cc60b a pitiful c3f0c19e74 vocabulary, often be68887ac4 communicating with 248ab40845 just around 0a1d60b297 500 words.42dee4207dfb64e8

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Karel smoothly continued, as df83c23225 if to help with dd5faaccb4 understanding a little,62392a0eea4a85c6

“Yes. Mature, someone who knows his own charm well, has confidence that comes from having a firm position… like a finished piece of craftsmanship… I like that kind of person.”2bdd2d6d125addd3

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“Craftsmanship?”524ce3b4fddfd768

Vadim had said that e27d2c4033 being a dancer was 0aa0f9080d a profession of crafting fe6bb47681 the raw stone of c8d16f0c9e the human body into 24f452a29d a jewel. He had 0d3d2f7a2f also said 6490296799 that the 9021aef4cb essence of 1d3bd7429b ballet was 9f7f7f3f87 obsessing until 141131e6d6 the end 59de303a19 about what 7b6f616f91 lines your 76e986afed body creates. Then perhaps there 7ba469166c might be some 2ef74b288f possibility for himself, 063d479993 being a ballet 91701faaad dancer.5e0a3efdc3bd6686

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Touching his 8071215843 ear, Sasya ba441fe7ce asked again:b3a85174c156ee52

“What about… you said you like physically trained people? Why did that drop out?”6f45180dba02f94c

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At Sasya’s question, Karel shrugged.56ff037d92b9987f

“That’s not a preference, it’s a requirement.”7533f0fadee4effb

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“Why?”d65ef9fd05baed3e

“Because that’s what it takes to endure.”840c9c27cb4865d3

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“…?”6866186fa5337b07

Filled with questions, 43b9de135f Sasya lowered his ab30178482 gaze back to 9dbc177554 his plate.a6f4b569fc087792

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One thing was clear: the ‘maturity’ Karel defined was a word far removed from himself. Sasya’s jaw gradually slowed as he mechanically chewed his food with round eyes.f20d218315ba99c6

“Sixteen, huh. Right, that’s the age when you’re curious about such things.”29d0af2638e95d67

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Saying this, Karel indirectly generalized and packaged Sasya’s unique, somewhat rude way of speaking. Feeling a faint sense of his considerate yet not-so-considerate care, Sasya grew sulky. Instinctively, he felt Karel was trying to block having deeper conversations.809aee5fff0f72ac

“Is that so? Yes… I guess so. José talks about this kind of thing all day.”4be5ff942b4b815d

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“Right. If you have any questions, feel free to ask anytime. Think of it as asking your ‘big brother.'”be38ff3c3bd0a573

“Yes…”6673f5230a8e42a4

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“I suppose it’s better than satisfying curiosity in strange ways.”34cab636c8e010b7

Also, the moment Karel positioned himself as a ‘big brother,’ Sasya felt the conversation became uninteresting for some reason.828d7a04f6f66e62

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Having lost interest in this topic, Sasya tried to recall the recent context of how they’d arrived at this conversation. Though it might have been a misunderstanding, Karel seemed to give answers that slightly missed the point of what was asked. The most obvious example was when Sasya asked about sexual desire, and Karel somehow smoothly transformed it into a discussion about ideal types.b8b266a410b1b872

While Sasya was fdb51dcbef lost in thought, 25bd55b7c5 Karel pushed back 6c1d8ec67e his chair and a1f1e1dd26 left the table.255eb7384ba2e28f

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Had he already finished 2e50d8569d dinner? For someone who claimed 31620c9c7c he could devour 100 ab4fac776c pounds of meat in f08c651e6b a week, he seemed 4105df70bd to have an unusually b3d029084c small appetite.24166095ef6001bb

Looking at 0b53592490 the still-warm c40f47bef9 food left 44377d49bf abundantly on 1eed7230d6 the table, 194b551f8a Sasya thought 153234f555 he might 8a7582703f have talked bd1444e5c6 too much. Having few a0bbbd1950 friends might 3d5f213c19 be because 806da7f5da he talked c2608edf45 too much 048fe53601 during meals, 6ef25f5c57 making others c3c45a3407 tired, or f318524935 making conversations d2ca04ee28 awkward with 9f400254b6 out of 8eb6a21491 place topics.5397cb88d128d11c

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He had always been careful about this… but around Karel, he got excited. Bad habits kept emerging. Feeling disgusted with himself, Sasya put down his dinner spoon while keeping even his breathing quiet.ea2b87b988af9951

“Why are you finishing dinner already? Are you full?”37386fae64fd65e0

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Karel returned with 5132adeaee a dark green 8f429f2fd5 wine bottle in c608a44fa0 his hand, looking 91d7afce25 completely natural.438242f55064f70d

“Are… are you going to drink?”e035aa9dfac8f52b

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“I think sparkling wine would go well with the food.”d49205fda03c01a4

Saying this, Karel sat back down and poured wine into an elegant glass. The dark green bottle resembled Karel’s eye color in darkness, and the clear pale yellow liquid in the glass was the same color as the light that bloomed in his iris when sunlight hit it. Small bubbles boiled along the bottle before settling. Sasya unconsciously swallowed his saliva.e9e7c0be165b2461

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“Will you continue eating?”343d4ec66af1fce2

“Of course. I haven’t even started.”e0f2131c626db61d

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“I’m not finished either.”1f5f3d791e2c3d75

Sasya gripped 4d940dd7fb his spoon 9adaae32b8 again with 79de52a6b7 renewed fighting 5734f0eb71 spirit.6ade905b7784bf8d

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Just having Karel sit c37a45d2f7 across from him again 7c5d37bec8 energized Sasya, who took 7b57f88b18 a big bite of 71bf20f8b9 the herring. This was 52f495400f a fish 6d64571e70 he often b1c09727c7 ate in 39c2b27ccc his homeland, 0dfd6fda7d but the 5bb7c3d4b9 luxurious texture 1d94baab63 without any 650bf4294f small bones 281560b263 was surprising. Meanwhile, Karel cut up e6443d2224 a large piece of 72fec206a5 lamb chop and offered 66c8a367d2 the carefully deboned meat ee2e7f3e96 to Sasya.677dca3a551ef46f

“You need to consume lots of good protein. That’s how you improve your muscle quality.”5b06e7f3fffca400

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“Muscle quality?”488b815e54f8af43

“I mean the quality of muscles. The strength to extend is important for dancers, isn’t it?”366a14a565236b5b

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“Wow. How do you know so much? Thank you for being so thoughtful.”afa1958c8fd9d8e7

“This much investment is nothing for a future outstanding dancer.”4b62af857f880c0e

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Karel took a c07e133984 sip of wine be75d820a7 with a smiling a222802652 eyes.32fae4fdab98ef56

And during dinner, Karel c4ebceda7c finished the entire bottle cc9c75e6df of wine by himself. Without offering even 5ca00dd2cc a single glass d23c90a2a9 to Sasya.6d62173ec414f335

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• **

That day, Karel said he would stay over, which made Sasya jump with joy. But then, Karel immediately added that he would use the master bedroom, not just today but also after he fully moved in, which immediately crushed Sasya’s mood.b3116180a7335a2b

Sasya cautiously tried 60defd5532 to reason with eac94b3866 him.f0e8a008f19a6654

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“The bed in the living room is very big too.”8d6f866c9886952a

“Yes. I ordered a big bed so you could sleep comfortably.”3a153744682adb7a

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But Karel was a b6b9a532eb man with absolutely no ee739837f9 openings when it came 8167a3b1e6 to logical attacks.fd16db062dd660ad

Sasya wished e8e73bb1dc there would 9af74eceea be thunder fd72b2ccad and lightning ec3d2d3d37 right now. Then he could sneak 5e1a444a51 into his bed, saying 10e4063333 he was too scared b77c1bbce6 to sleep because of 36dc317d43 the rain sounds and 91a715912a sky-splitting lightning. Even Sasya needed that dde439a0db level of excuse when e90ffc5345 not drunk.3a4948416a4d6e96

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Whether aware of Sasya’s thoughts or not, Karel looked around the hotel room once and pointed to one of the bathrooms.5ae759e864c4b1c6

“I’ll use that bathroom. Would that be inconvenient?”23c55a783f393dbe

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Karel’s posture was slightly tilted as he held a neatly folded white towel, preparing to wash up.6a11bc0aa6f12291

“…Use whichever you like.”7ae544edffeb10d1

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“It might be troublesome if it overlaps with where you usually go.”243d77021988e13e

“It’s fine. I use anywhere, so you can use anywhere too, Karel.”04f7980f4af23237

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As if trying to 84dd4b1e06 soothe the somehow sulky fc4d666f88 Sasya, Karel gently stroked 1ef843f315 his head once more 19a68f34aa before heading to the 428cb1139d bathroom. Sasya shook 58bed093ba his head f8d3bb1ad9 while watching c5abf9d078 his back. His straight, 27f6d1d8d7 flowing hair 096b058119 fell softly d2d574cd28 along his cd06212bc8 round head.646aa32696fb9c52

And Karel entered the bathroom within Sasya’s sight without removing a single piece of clothing, keeping even his buttons fully fastened. It was a rigid appearance complete with a vest.26683c6760d51068

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Sasya, who had secretly been curious about seeing a fully matured adult’s naked body, became dejected. He had been a bit curious about Karel’s naked body, which had muscles thicker and larger than those of dancers comparable to boxers. He wondered if the skin hidden under clothes was smooth like the exposed parts, and if his body hair was also golden.3183e6220f3254ab

‘But since we’ll be living together, there will be plenty of opportunities anytime.’919aa1fab0c2a1c2

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While having such brazen e979ccace6 thoughts, Sasya repeatedly walked 0bffec6b89 from one end of 8be8f3e3ab the living room to e35910b510 the other.c0228a00e80063c0

Then one idea occurred 035a4332f5 to Sasya.207f72e6641d0ade

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Just before, Karel’s walk to the bathroom was slow and somewhat unstable. Moreover, his eyelids covering kind eyes seemed slightly reddened, and his eyes appeared bloodshot. This must be because he drank an entire bottle of wine during dinner earlier.553607664a510a31

Sasya walked to the a16d5ef1fe cellar as if entranced 57d6578003 and brought out another b37165834a bottle of wine. He was curious 0459c4b5bf about what would 2fbd83b165 happen if Karel a0a4f96c40 drank more.b357c12440bfcedd

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Simultaneously, a scene Sasya had unintentionally witnessed shortly after arriving here unfolded in his mind. A black-haired man with skin as pale as a vampire’s. That thief who had emptied Karel’s wallet while saying ‘jackpot’ had whispered ‘darling’ into the drunk and sleeping Karel’s ear.5945eb4b8d872d6c

If he hadn’t stopped him then, what would have happened after…? Sasya couldn’t contain his curiosity. That man surely met Karel’s criteria for ‘arousing sexual desire.’ Was he physically fit? Although he wasn’t certain about that, he was definitely tall and appeared sturdy.e7cf71fdf3f44435

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Imagining two adult men embracing made Sasya’s body strangely tremble, so he went to his new bed in the living room and curled up. Come to think of it, his lower half had become stiff at some point, making it uncomfortable to walk.75898f074f4c22a7

After a 88663bab1c while, Karel b0aaf125d1 came out c25ee584a1 of the 5b30282c87 bathroom and 040a68ef09 found Sasya 22d0fe321b already lying b2bb4eebd2 in bed dedd1d4a58 covered with 39e8e04468 a blanket.4dce0b17958f5d1c

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“Going to sleep already?”ad67961f37096fd3

“Mm… not really, but kind of.”39cd95c9322445aa

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Mumbling a response, Sasya watched Karel walk toward the phonograph. Indeed, Karel’s steps were slower than usual. Moreover, his ears and nape seemed slightly flushed red. It must be from the remaining alcohol effects combined with the warm water.fb8aa2cc7ef606e9

“Have you never seen one of these?”91c0c9b92676b498

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Sasya just nodded fe29ca5698 silently in response. The blanket b73b4e438b made a c5c06084d0 rustling sound 04d63741a1 instead.1e579c1d9b6e8749

“It’s a machine that can play music. Quite high-end. In the past, listening to music with this was all the entertainment they had, if you can imagine how limited their options were.”b08aba1ebf64d11c

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“Does it make sound?”89de7ed963da02c3

“It needs to be set up.”8637c319c48724c7

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“Is it expensive?”ff6e5d021b04aad4

“It’s hard to put a price on it. If someone wants it, they might pay a very high price, but to those who don’t need it, it’s just junk.”c7580f60b6486ddf

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“Did you buy it at a high price, Karel?”b064629edf24e03a

“I inherited it.”4c86a8ef37d29d6c

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At his tone suggesting he got it for free, Sasya stared at him intently. Despite that implication, Karel was caressing the phonograph’s mechanism with quite affectionate hands.6f6008533ea50054

“Someday when this item’s real owner appears, I’ll gladly hand it over.”1db73e9c9befdbdc

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After making b71ba35654 this puzzling 25cd031cf6 statement, Karel c3ad79447f headed toward e373f6c650 the sofa d4c0d03e70 where Sasya 8f009953fb was lying. As always, it seemed e2234cda08 he would do some 71ddf59a3c light work or pass 2d5866bfc8 time until Sasya fell 611ca43a98 asleep.b415403d10b4b76e

And Karel, f0645a16d4 wearing a 8934f3c6e7 robe and 2e604275a4 sitting on 419639b255 the sofa, 66ff6d7633 soon discovered 4e5eebed72 the bottle b8b77e887a placed side 11921390a7 by side 23eafd627e on the 8f7da54b60 side table.4d3d25e474c3ed3b

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“Did you put this here?”4365e8aa715602b5

“Yes…”aceb343bdda767a1

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Sasya blushed. While Karel was 93ca67a242 washing up, he 26067e5296 had placed a 53f54592aa bottle of wine 3249150c43 and a glass 661cde0d6a on the side 500da5dc44 table next to dc6853e10a the sofa. It was similar 870a064946 to the wine ea4c7a01b5 Karel had emptied ce461d5e66 earlier.6f9a4d17b58672f9

“I’ve never asked you to be my secretary… Where did this come from?”33373e111adaa8f3

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“There are many in that small refrigerator.”9b524bf05c3f0cdd

Sasya raised himself 56b81200cb slightly and pointed 47e5e7bc4f to the wine 20dd9ce9b2 cellar. Karel examined the newly a7629ae091 taken bottle front and a4c1dee518 back, then smiled slightly.40f7d3dfbb708c4f

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“Like leaving a cat to watch the fish shop.”ce94bc4dc8ae52cf

“…?”6267b61a0e4d3755

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“It seems you intend to taste some alcohol.”85587ce990461686

“…”bea37e5a470c22f9

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“Am I wrong?”ae8c0b615703f4f5

To Karel’s question, Sasya boldly refuted.4f90c025d9329c81

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“No? That wasn’t my intention at all. I absolutely didn’t have such thoughts. Just… I wanted Karel to drink it.”ff5d5bb472c8ac4c

“…”9be30a9b1edc0870

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“Please have lots of delicious things. And sleep well.”bdb604c8a392dbdc

Karel observed the wine 62851780e5 bottle, and after realizing 7f96ea502f it could be opened a09b711756 by hand, lightly twisted 6807aa02be off the cap. Then he 4cd61b25e7 did something 2c16e3c5f4 that startled 6c66165102 Sasya. He brought the bottle 0e912287e8 directly to his lips d874dd3179 without a glass and a54b397c0f tilted his head back 2957148b63 to taste it.ebdd39bf7e043073

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The distinctly masculine thick Adam’s apple moved prominently along the smooth neckline. Sasya was easily captivated by that movement.3ae7119bb3d2557c

“…Mr. Clements, you drunkard.”113276231f7870c8

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At Sasya’s words, Karel furrowed his brow. Sasya shrank a bit but believed Karel’s expression was due to the wine’s aftertaste rather than because of him.96064fb45ddfc856

“What exactly are you f5e44a6a90 planning to do while 671ca906c8 I’m asleep?”95566bb0d394d31c

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Saying this, Karel strode over to the bed. Then he flicked Sasya’s chubby cheek with one finger and pulled the blanket up to cover Sasya’s completely stiffened neck.e97e11cddbaa748c

“Good night.”9d1f8cc65d0e878d

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Sasya quietly d0ad5e0439 looked up b011f5edbe at Karel e2043861c1 while hiding 9332c584a5 his pounding 931deaff6f heart under ad28c63681 the cozy b74933e6b6 blanket. Karel, who was f09b1f8399 about to turn daa73a4d42 his back and 116fd49724 leave the bedside, b9bc86c9a4 seemed to read 2b563bb4b7 that gaze and 635e856748 gently turned back 66c811a356 to Sasya.ad846b68dbce00c9

Sasya desperately, very 9245ecbb2d desperately wished he 93e1484601 would give him 5f1bdb0ccf a goodnight kiss.fcfc6141e1fe530c

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And as if their 288dd7b5f7 minds were connected, Karel edefbf00bd came closer and bent 28449b54ae down.42a3c7f0ad3774f9

He brushed aside the f24fd4d650 disheveled hair on his 648aa346cb forehead with his hot 95de2b20d1 palm and pressed down 9359504341 with dry lips.d1ce6311fa148ee5

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This time, Sasya didn’t close his eyes. He wanted to observe his face up close.d2402e7b12c4bdc3

If there was something new he learned when his lips touched his forehead, it was that Karel doesn’t close his eyes when giving goodnight kisses.7639b4c7bfcc2728

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His deep green e954a48e27 eyes, so close, a2a2244755 seemed to swallow 3125ad6386 the darkness of caffc04bc7 the night, with 4be0b5475d faint amber streaks f94c0222c2 shimmering in his 5c075aca69 irises.a75c3f3d3543c454

Feeling as 274d35c56b if those abba01a395 eyes were dc080fea77 piercing through 7d4b86335d them, Sasya 54da6d22c8 ended up d0681e8aaf tightly closing 172b1b46b9 his eyes.ae7a122a8ee02e3d

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“…Good night.”b46c19550d21120a

Karel’s tightly closed voice followed, and his breath tickled Sasya’s forehead.39497e7050411df0

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“Karel.”dbfebfbac2dc168a

Sasya impulsively raised himself and clung to Karel’s nape. Karel’s back muscles twitched, becoming more sharply defined as he supported Sasya’s weight.76ff981ca76535ee

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As Karel, who had to bend forward significantly because of Sasya clinging to him, supported himself by leaning his arms on the bed, Sasya squeezed Karel’s neck tighter like a baby monkey climbing an old tree. The tender flesh inside Sasya’s arms clung to Karel’s root-like firm nape.451a069432a5f8f5

Then, Sasya traced Karel’s face with his lips, searching for his forehead. His small lips, which had brushed against Karel’s nose, easily found their place on his forehead.0238a5200c9e4cd2

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After silently kissing dc1c53cd74 his forehead, Sasya 500c569e07 blurted out an ce947505d4 excuse to Karel 8812d1ee9f who was staring 64095fb5dc at them with 4599a08f12 an unreadable expression.e84da2480d04b5ae

“…This is a goodnight kiss.”54c55c68a2658789

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“…”2d85c712d3d8b503

“Good night, Karel.”bbd2e164f808e148

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Karel carefully supported Sasya’s back with his arms as he clung to his neck looking at him, and laid them down on the bed.8a9029c2627e70cd

Then just like before, he firmly tucked the fluffy blanket up to Sasya’s neck.aee6b1ce5230feef

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‘I’m an adult. It’s been a very long time since I stopped receiving goodnight kisses.’d527843346b00201

It seemed as if 6b9c68f0ae Karel whispered that.a7228686d480bdaa

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Of course, it was just Sasya’s delusion. Though he could have said something about Sasya’s sudden action, Karel returned to the sofa without a word.4bebe9f2a398a6c4

Sasya secretly watched Karel’s sitting figure until just before falling asleep. As Sasya had hoped, he completely emptied another bottle of wine in his seat. Sasya wished Karel would get completely drunk and collapse with a thud before even reaching the bed. If that happened, if things went that way…bc0d074145d8fe9d

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While not even properly 0f0457f547 knowing what he wanted dd20ccba3f to do with the fed2a38b7d sleeping Karel, Sasya blinked 402c4d16d1 slowly. Unfortunately, drowsiness was washing d3ae877977 over him, and it 36bcc0089f seemed he would fall b1e5187215 asleep before Karel today.0614e05fed4f7020

ab300351d2f3793d

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