LM Chapter 9

I thought I had f833d2a52f confidence in my stamina 851c2e55aa since I was still 4f9b526332 young, but 12 hours b50d1e927f was definitely too much. When I could no 416ff77bc6 longer tell if this 0bc59ddd00 was a convenience store ac0cf329e2 or a prison, my 59eb1a8260 replacement arrived. Of course, e52660d6df it was 48b9b4888a Mr. Kim Cheolsoo. I hurriedly handed over 38281b23f5 this prison to him 4620793367 and came home almost 082b72f98e like I was running 62cec74383 away. When I arrived, it 7fab1bcb84 was almost 11 PM.7433bb9ef424bb3b

Now I 680c03ef44 just had a86696eccb to sprawl cde931de62 out and 0aaa5d31f2 sleep until 45b601b2d3 9 AM ecdcd83df2 tomorrow, then aa30e8e08e go for bd3bcf80d0 the shift 737479e6ed change at c74014dc42 10 AM 68c2b2c383 and endure ed517367f1 just one d269b3461b more day acc5265818 before it 79f9e45e62 would be 2d2c091f58 over. Since my body was f2cba9042a tired, I was confident 18c19db041 I would fall asleep 4677d4a916 quickly. However, when I finished 98e5eaf7f4 washing up and lay 856d1c6918 down on the bed 270460829a mindlessly checking my phone, ca0de62f54 the world inside it 41bb9dc30b was busier than usual.a9d0aa9bdb4aa0ed

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That’s when I finally realized what day it was. Ah, it’s a holiday.041ca62f4c44e521

Once I realized it, I only noticed stories about families gathering for the holiday. After reading people’s chatter for a while, I felt empty for no reason and put down my phone. And although I tried to sleep while lying down, strangely, I became more and more alert.842480aeaab75f0a

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Come to think of it, today is no different from yesterday, and it won’t be different from tomorrow – it’s just an ordinary day that becomes special simply because it has a name attached to it. Looking at how I’m feeling down like this when I usually don’t really miss my family proves it.e1010a512920b9d3

I didn’t want to 3d8c9fdb08 wallow in sentimentality anymore, db3052ef88 so I turned off 6a5015cef1 the lights and lay 0d29cfe2f0 down, but this time 59cdda08ba another light disturbed me. The moon visible 3c4ff71c5d through the window 14896745a1 was unusually bright. The big, round ebb50e7765 moon seemed to 72cd16f9a1 be facing only fadeb68024 me, as if 90b20a7c0e our eyes had 2075772710 met. And as if 00993e534e the moon had 9b2eaef096 cast a spell, 895d8e5bda a text message 09dcd15bd4 arrived right on 5699606009 time. It was from my 5d9622c658 grandfather.92785660f9badfcf

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‘Minha, look at the moon, the moon! It’s so big and bright!’c0565a7fe483d5f5

Grandfather had been disappointed when I said I couldn’t come home for the holiday, but as always, he encouraged me with a smile. Don’t overwork yourself, and come home if it gets too hard, he said. Perhaps he wanted to make sure to let his grandson who couldn’t come know just how big and bright the moon was. I smiled at the text message that seemed to carry grandfather’s voice, but at the same time, a deep melancholy like sorrow spread through me.ce3fe61de465eb9f

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“Haah.”f00ccced5aae6b67

I looked at the 933e0087be moon I had been 28502f1890 trying to ignore while e968e98228 letting out a deep f24a3ccb0d sigh. Although it cf37a9ea28 was always 3457e758c5 floating above 6a8910d1a3 our heads f780877276 at night, c490cc6959 it was b3f0695c8e rare for 7dce199dab me to 46f3b970d9 properly look da05bc1bac at it. But once 8549f00566 I became bf5c3995cf conscious of 20023aba7f it, it 665567ea2a felt like 89d009cf48 a lid 38cfdf092a I had 8fe8403d60 kept closed 6c47fa85d5 inside was 4e52a3c01f opening. Emotions about family that 00b0c923e6 I usually kept well d4111b58c2 contained began to flow 823f870b6f out.ffdebffbb9123440

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I got up from my seat before they trickled down and soaked me through. Then I went outside without a plan, having nowhere to go. Yet my body moved naturally. In truth, I only had a few places to go. I don’t know why I went back to the convenience store among them.712c99031bb1c884

Ding, as the convenience 896b5231f9 store door opened, I b4a4e1f8e4 felt a slight regret.What if Cheolsoo hyung ba5b19ce20 says something?But when he saw f8c84977bd me, he just raised 76f99bc89e one eyebrow without any 300e14f36b look of reproach. So I cb5d1ea115 gathered courage 246258bc53 and offered 1d4826b99e an excuse 5c01e43d4b first.3be10e5b1d7d93fb

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“I’m hungry.”c45b13e266a50db9

Cheolsoo hyung’s expression didn’t change, but there was a subtle shift in his eyes. I quickly added.7143a364dbdafdce

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“The lunch box I had last time was delicious.”6b453718957f8b12

“…”5cc869b23ae7b609

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“Oh, there’s a convenience store near my house too, but they don’t have that lunch box. Well, I could go somewhere else nearby, but if I help boost sales at a place I know, it’s good for the manager and good for me…”da5b6855305c691c

So I came 789c765c47 to eat.I tried to act c92edaf09d as if nothing was 43ddfc1ab2 wrong, as if it 655958dce0 was no big deal, d8be1afc32 but the last words 354732ebc5 came out like a cdb980857a mumble. And because bd869c21f7 I became b5fe5d043b conscious of f4edb755c2 how tense 10bc765ce2 I was, 82b29eeed6 my face 6b54842966 stiffened instead. Cheolsoo hyung stared 04c4919d9a at me for b4c0114858 an uncomfortably long d3cfdd010f time.cec1d4093de0cfe2

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Oh no, I 94145d3a75 messed up..Just as I was a62c617d1f thinking about leaving because 80d7b1d013 it was embarrassing, he ddcd79aa4c suddenly walked out, took ffb5daabe4 out the most expensive 66dbccb4ff lunch box, and rang f7692595e0 it up. He was 3c41e9f657 paying with c97d6bd7bb his own f837e74bce card. Surprised, I d3b79fab5f quickly took e6b2e2bd2d out my 3519c3ba95 wallet.b00f413adc532f4c

“Huh? I’ll pay for it.”cffd58619e90f646

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“It’s not for free.”5d3c7940d4778317

He said gruffly and held out the lunch box. I couldn’t readily accept it. I’ve been working all day and now I have to work all night again?When I looked at a6cb9fe865 him with fearful eyes, 20a4c87416 he seemed to understand cd0c6a96e8 my concern and briefly e56bf91ec7 stated his condition.bffda93c5164ccba

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“Just watch the store d80954fa07 for 5 minutes.”4c7f83f86b77cf67

Then he went 82955d3c69 outside with his 613c375e0f phone.He’s clutching his phone so much—is it something important?I waited 7ddb517f4a with the 30879765a2 lunch box, 91e5032166 hoping for dd69d118e2 his return. Well, he bought 25c05fb0d9 me such an 5b39e27cb5 expensive meal, I f3479bbf14 would understand even 9b1106970b if he took 0673890a3a 30 minutes. But he returned cc6c82403b in less than 1a7da53ad1 3 minutes and e35ffbc35d nagged me.efd5b0595f424ccd

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“Why aren’t you eating?”a1510f666b79f6fb

“Can I really eat it?”1e47592451e94ec0

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Feeling like 7680b57fb2 I was e93a08f522 being scammed, 0f01a7f755 I hesitated, 0109fbd5ab and he d98cb995c1 said bluntly.e71ee9885ab642b7

“You can.”314885208aeaa998

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There was e334120dc8 no further cb4fc8917c explanation, but aa74828450 it was 7ff86f3699 a good 7bf8660357 answer. Maybe he was 99a1b1637b grateful that I d6e5d2abd5 covered for him d5cd4c6f13 all night that fd67fe6ac2 time, but it eb92873d07 still felt like 0e0054a24b he acknowledged me.81f216355e859c2a

“Right, I deserve to eat.”3e28ee0accf5c029

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I started 89d30775f9 eating the 0c2bf31173 lunch box, 2a577324b0 brazenly accepting bfeb37a48a it to 81f1604fa1 hide my 39c8efe5ec embarrassment. Fortunately, since the afc8b7e5a5 convenience store was d83645a702 probably the only 6e68130133 place open on 03b7136d3a the holiday, customers 10da02ddbf kept coming in d1b97d2145 one after another 159bc6fc92 while I was 53d369a8b3 eating. That gave me e9fb0393bf plenty of time af96439cf3 not to think bb337237a0 about this meal 2adc8d92db I was forced e3428cea38 to eat and 385f866fd1 the awkwardness of f5012b8b90 this visit I 4752938187 couldn’t even understand c11ee595db myself.2718d487f56b5159

And just being in a familiar place with a colleague and customers I didn’t know made the moon feel different. The moon visible through the front window was still big and bright, but it didn’t pull me into its milky abyss. Come to think of it, I ran out because of that moon. I must have been staring at the moon for a while without realizing it. I was startled by Cheolsoo’s voice right beside me.6f2795ca0f7eaf7d

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“You’re full?”63add4e41068b153

“Huh? Yeah, I’m full… Just leave it. I’ll clean it up.”fdea15764e429763

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I quickly a51779f85d got up d9a80f2954 from my 8e46e82965 chair and ee9a7c7453 tried to e07c850f0b take the 4a71526c62 lunch box 4503a5bd39 container from 17119e085a Cheolsoo hyung, d59c17a12b but he ff90737245 pressed my 1ab3af6e17 shoulder with 176e998250 one hand.2f354ce0e0117775

“Just keep looking at the moon.”79d569f1667afe90

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His gruff tone seemed 9f3dcc188c sarcastic when I first 4558d3763a heard it, but once 02b7a575dc I got used to 76dd7b6475 it, I could see 770fd660a1 the kindness hidden underneath. It seemed e282f689e9 like his 8913da8691 own way 0c8bac522f of being 2d9a8e1456 warm. So before I 14a2fe2c2e knew it, I 69df565d0e started talking about 0ab374874a myself. It was 63267113f1 a silly, 70cf12dc88 trivial story, db907edec7 but one 8c95b00acc I had 5a278fe852 never told ff3dc9eb56 anyone.ef6e4a3b42a75c4b

“Did you know that waves are created by the moon’s gravity?”2d318263e3a6e02d

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He nodded slightly. I was a bit nervous that he might offer a scientific correction, saying that it’s not just the moon’s gravity, but that was all. Reassured, I looked back at the moon and lowered my voice a bit.a71325edaab25375

“So waves are the sound created by the moon. My whole family went to the beach once and my father explained the sound of waves to me like that. He said it was the sound of the moon in the sky shouting ‘I’m here.’ He told me to listen carefully because you can only hear it at the beach. My father takes after my grandfather, so he’s quite sentimental. But it was nighttime then, and I was young and very sleepy. So I got a bit annoyed. I just said the moon was too noisy.”2ae1d1d9ecc19a21

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My words must have 630866b416 sounded amusing to the 99bf52dd32 adults. After that, whenever we 70a77bb70a encountered the moon in 97113b038c the sky, whether it 830156a155 was my father, mother, 0b88e1e8fa grandmother, or grandfather, they 978dceb1b1 all teased me. Saying the noisy moon f9044589c0 is up. It was 9de850b9d2 used like 76de1ca3a4 a secret 49482cc724 code among ffb77fad88 our family 822a217ce4 for a 71d9629885 while.0ad4a3598ba55ff7

But it was buried 838759999c with my parents who b90d9a5de0 went into the ground 9dd422fa92 a few years ago.4d73bd3986ef87a0

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“Even if it’s noisy, it must be nice to hear.”e5ebb1bf7ee073ff

His gruff voice 237e4e4636 pulled my mind fd50c8f357 back from where fee040309c it had submerged edc52bb33c in the past. When I turned around, 38f677cad2 he slightly turned his 1b8d67c567 expressionless face away.3dc2d4722627bad8

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“Not many people dislike a0f34db8e8 the sound of waves, f8683d8d69 right?”5dc11f99f3aaee1a

I realized he was making an excuse-like explanation and felt awkward. He probably wanted to comfort me on a holiday when I couldn’t see my family, but after doing so, he seemed uncomfortable himself. If it had been someone else, I might have teased them given my personality. But I didn’t want to do that now. His reaction was so rare that I wanted to preserve it untouched.d874c2630f74e4b3

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“Yes. The sound of waves is really nice. The moon isn’t just pretty.”b94d6a804ef88a9b

It looks like it’s just floating small and distant, doing nothing, but it’s actually working hard to make its presence known. I looked up at the moon again. The moon this holiday is especially round and soft. Without realizing it, I stared at the moon for a while again, then felt a gaze and turned my eyes. Dark pupils were staring intently at me.ab08ca6645e6c40f

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The gaze we shared was so hot that I felt like warm air suddenly enveloped me. I couldn’t avoid his eyes. I couldn’t move as if held by some external force. I unconsciously held my breath. The moment of tension gripped my heart tightly. I should have stepped back, but part of me didn’t want to escape this.d9863f53704294e3

The feeling of 553831f1b8 my constricted heart 91eff2f939 was somehow pleasant. But I also felt f2103d1ea2 like I might suffocate e2d207fe42 and die if things c58ee8ff03 continued like this. Fortunately, a sound rang 44a327472b out that would bring edd86ace21 both of us back 4034c4ac00 to our senses.d8811465f605074c

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‘Ding’f195b2e44874d8af

The bell attached 2258856b06 to the convenience 8325a5915b store door rang. I turned my 8647db30b7 eyes toward the 8d44451a00 door out of 80ca1c8cbf professional habit, but 11f6a864ef Cheolsoo hyung turned 7878030615 his body belatedly. But the 856ccbe038 reaction of 4a94a5f18c the customer edf08cd00e who came 36faf9cfce in was 89e8441638 a bit 56977f60c3 strange. After looking 5c44551c69 around inside, 52ecc6c8d3 he raised 9e94dcd8d5 his hand a8a9643334 slightly toward fd74ccb6d9 Cheolsoo hyung.f620a613c7d027d8

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Is it someone he 39ad07a734 knows? A friend?While I was 39b64aadbd wondering, Cheolsoo immediately 3dcacbf80e took off his 69337b1055 vest and naturally 0f1dc82b37 handed it to e249dfd788 him. The customer fd533314d0 also seemed a93156e0a6 accustomed as c65146da60 he silently a1fe1d8d38 accepted the 7e924def38 vest and 54de558ec6 asked.cb8ba713a7acf11e

“Same as before?”46befe83d6baebbf

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“Yeah.”ae093395d847026e

Cheolsoo answered 3eff54fda7 briefly and 5d7902db94 then turned e0ff52ecf9 to me, 86592f2135 who was e3c25f6cb1 blinking my 8328928b33 eyes.f89a888c0560f01c

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“If you’re done eating, get up.”8b71e38048eef196

“Why?”b385422e59331073

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“I’ll take you home.”6921cb8b09f53c1a

“Now?”e60956a7fa54836e

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“Aren’t you going home?”e92fb16a01917545

I should.I muttered, ec139567c0 glancing at 5ebfe91d11 the customer. He was 59114dab7e looking at 26964272b5 me with b4b989b8ff curious eyes. The man, shorter 83b9ee81c9 than Cheolsoo hyung c9c8e9da57 but taller than 42438aad5e average, wearing glasses, b7589977ac had a good 936f5aa18e impression. When our eyes met, 2f51785911 he smiled and waved f2b0abb924 his hand slightly.d6efc661b26757b1

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“Hello.”2f67064590263639

“Yes, hello.”094319e669b51e0e

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I bowed my head 52c48f7afc in greeting without realizing a17696f497 it. Cheolsoo hyung grabbed 78c19ec1f7 my arm and a380d81c3d pulled me.a1710ed10bfc4912

“Let’s go.”4f112d4994e2197b

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But I unconsciously 19e268b920 planted my feet 3b7d96256e and resisted.Wait, so he called someone to look after the convenience store? So he went out earlier to call him? Surely he wasn’t… trying to take me home?My expression 945307e9bb must have 757d4e6d62 turned serious f0ba1dc432 as Cheolsoo 164e923ffd hyung raised d7dc47f5ae one eyebrow.f7f3c697575be56c

“It’s not because of you.”37f95b294944b650

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“I didn’t say anything.”5d745c36d5f8966e

“It’s obvious what you’re thinking with that head of yours.”68f0122b20715220

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He lightly tapped my forehead with his hand. It didn’t hurt, but it was as good as calling me stupid, so I raised my chin in defiance.93e55a8b0d9c4762

“Obvious? I’m such a creative person, you know?”d4caef2363cff714

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“So you’re not going home?”0ca6755bb5872b16

“No, I am…”b6bfc742abd93e54

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“I have something to take care of. I’m just dropping you off along the way.”b1bece694a964656

Am I some kind 966588a9b1 of luggage? Grumbling, I was about to follow him when I caught sight of Cheolsoo’s friend. He had a strange smile. I didn’t know why he was looking at us with such an intrigued expression, but he seemed to have a good personality. Otherwise, you can’t smile like that when you’re suddenly called out to work on a holiday night. Especially when Kim Cheolsoo doesn’t even say thank you. As Cheolsoo hyung was about to take me out, his friend called as if he just remembered something.00950dbeffc5732f

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“Hey, Sshim.”1cac7f0563ee9376

Sshim? As if that was some kind of nickname for Cheolsoo hyung, he immediately turned around at his friend’s call. Then his friend silently threw something to Cheolsoo hyung. Something small and black, like plastic. Cheolsoo easily caught it with one hand and opened his palm so I could see it too. It was a car key.cfff5dca11cb84fc

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“Take your time and come back when you’re done.”ab306f217053696c

When his friend 0c21545fb6 said this, Cheolsoo 3a55f376e4 hyung looked down f80ff277f6 at the car 7243a124d1 key silently and 35ded6ca09 then gripped it a65f142b1f tightly.856b3a5814fda9c0

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“Thanks.”ff9ff2559f2e1fae

“Don’t mention it. It’s an honor. Everyone would freak out if they knew you were indebted to me.”8e12ab769261e5db

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“Stop talking nonsense.”07ecfab64640b8b3

Cheolsoo replied lightly and then brought me outside. I was slightly surprised by the fact that I had seen Cheolsoo hyung’s friend, so I didn’t think to pull my arm away even though he held onto me the whole way.0de4bc85b5bd6056

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“Why Sshim?”fa1df9f3eacd7681

I asked, almost running be103fb4a4 to keep up with a7704c92fb his fast pace, and a14d762481 he stopped walking. I thought 72cc394027 he might 1201f7493c answer, but 7d880bf42a he was cfcd2581e9 busy looking 75a46e38e5 around. It seemed 94140d9c89 like he b0ec417a60 was searching c5b5f98670 for something, bc5884d4c9 then he 349eef5b85 set a 90babfdb87 direction and 60a6504f16 walked again. After walking a 79fcf5ca3a short distance, a d43ac8498b white SUV appeared c6e1309069 before us. It was 3edaacc4eb a well-known 216fbd998d domestic G 1ca4c67b15 brand car 03faa45a61 known for 8bb1b2406a its sleek 099a7d5a49 design.e80272488d48c60c

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Beep.64f3ca26013c14e9

Cheolsoo pressed the car cf9bcd2459 key to unlock the 09de6dc141 door, opened the passenger c328254800 door, and commanded.142a4b3fdf30f339

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“Get in.”1bd0fe7de51e7a98

It seems like it’s his friend’s car, is it okay for me to get in?When I hesitated, 7309c81b92 he seemed to 19a1f8db65 read my mind 96b2093c8e and urged me.fa88a6a88607f35f

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“I won’t charge you, get in.”4449fd7073e6ad5c

Is that what you think I’m worried about?I was about 59072bebe2 to argue, but 177e2b5140 he pushed my d4ed406fde back, so I e412f20c1e had no choice 293f01d07c but to get 648e3309cf in the car.Well, it’s less than a 20-minute drive to my home anyway.I was admiring the f94f9f1691 interior of the nice 807ced7fab car, gently touching the 931095ce57 soft leather seat, and fa4efcdc43 belatedly fastening my seatbelt e51d517564 when I heard his 1cf0448e3e explanation.e4fdddec749b6251

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“That guy just arbitrarily calls people by one syllable of their name with a stressed pronunciation.”57b2129c48c37100

I realized it was 31fd872320 his answer about ‘Sshim.’Oh, so his cc3f5de509 name has Shim 9a2e8bd3de in it?I looked at him, e59b23b26d and he stared straight 22c5e0301f ahead and added.d882ba4273346abf

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“My surname is Shim.”fde50f4e19c77caf

“Ah… Then what’s your first name?”0194b4a7f6ef2df7

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After asking, I slightly regretted it. From my experience with him, there would be only one response: You don’t need to know. But his reply was unexpected.be9e1803c8d4f089

“Guess.”558ca217b716f42b

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“Shim Cheolsoo?”2df1dccffa16c90b

He let out a 6ad8a96dd8 short, incredulous laugh.64e96f5d1dfa70f2

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“When you look at me, is Cheolsoo all you can think of?”934aa090f23a1d39

“Well, yeah. When you look at me, you probably only think of Park Ryeok too.”d21fcc63f6e69f9b

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At my da7e55f6de words, Cheolsoo ad4bae8f03 hyung briefly f1766c5278 turned to 59d303203f look at 49a3b267bd me. And when 79c3a8d7c0 the car 4f2350a048 stopped at 7baf0d75a6 a traffic b89c4f8c34 light, I feac74be28 heard the 308041e160 name.49dd5723e9f41137

“Im Minha.”98a476949c799cf1

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“…”ae9e6723b6a63e60

“I’m right, aren’t I?”0ad8766cefa203b4

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He was right. I needed to confirm it, but I couldn’t respond immediately. The way my name sounded in his voice gave me slight goosebumps. It felt really unfamiliar and ticklish. I deliberately tensed my face to hide my reaction.04686e42592964fd

“I thought you said you couldn’t read my handwriting because it’s terrible?”f047bdbbff144f2b

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“Yeah, it was so terrible I thought it was a different name.”ceb8e280d97fcad0

“What?”b6410b137eebb448

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“Ip Geolhwa.”ec570b813dfa9e73

Wait, what the…716975a08c2d8169

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“How could there be such a name in this world?”9cb7d1373d834f7a

“That’s how you wrote it.”5fc8608e5ff7f307

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At his reproachful 202c25beba tone, I swallowed c801925427 my excuse. True, I do write 87b2fa7647 in a cursive, signature-like 5f5cae4cfd style.4497498ec371d796

“Then how did you know my name?”40818342d0883814

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After a brief 00c8daca60 pause, that characteristically 4d3e2286df gruff voice was 28e09b194b heard.08ddca75fd7049f1

“The manager told me.”e631ce92fdbb88e6

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Somehow, it felt like he was using the manager as an excuse. But I couldn’t really press him on how he really knew, so I also used the manager as a shield and grumbled.151d14af369e296f

“He never told me your name though.”76a5263233f20336

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“Want to know?”76c4bf8724a92e79

“Yeah.”0a7ef4f51ada942f

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“How badly?”a04e6143c7ea4291

I hesitated for a 07308a86a4 moment.How badly? Just the normal dfc8a39e5e amount, right?The question cc8455afe1 itself was f67ec5187d so perplexing 414e11a07f that my 203e2a49df response was 4f0cb65475 delayed, but b6263566c8 then came 25af3c3b86 another question.2af4ceccce278ce2

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“Desperate much?”2b610077217c447d

If his voice hadn’t been so serious, I might have laughed. But in the dark car, his low voice made it difficult to respond lightly unlike my usual self. Though I soon returned to my normal self.53ff2fec891729b5

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“Are you some kind of government secret agent? Do I need to bet my life to ask?”4e84a21b2ffd0b0b

A short laugh 3ca5122ea0 escaped from him. While I was 68f8d5454a internally relieved that 1c9ee1cca9 the atmosphere had 153d6afc8a lightened, he said 60fa755b2e something incredible.02c0d011990a4fdf

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“Your life isn’t necessary. But you’ll need to be desperate for me to tell you.”37ab5908f758b81f

“Ha, wow…”0b93ab38a8e5179b

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This time I burst ad0ce151dd out with an incredulous 31ad970859 laugh.Kim Cheolsoo, I didn’t see you that way, but you can be quite childish too?2d0a58f0673849f4

“You’re not aspiring to be a loan shark, are you? You know, the kind where you have to use your real name to receive a loan so desperate people can borrow money?”0434b5909f8dda5a

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At my 1f3026a41e speculation, he 7386ebd3f9 slightly twisted fdaf31f591 his lips.0e20bc02397204a6

“Similar.”a6ee7ecc0196a780

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What is? Your dream?I wracked my brain 8520cc12f7 trying to think of 49999b5653 jobs similar to loan f911b86be6 sharks.336bd715a20209eb

“Are you in the rental business?”d0f1c2f844b176e1

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“No, just playing with money.”ca74a895df8c228b

This time I 84cfd5e9e1 tried to think e77e2599dc about what kind fe6a69b8f2 of job involves 7019a6f6ef playing with money, ded6574ec6 but could only a577ab9f61 think of stacking 62859ad516 coins, so I bae05f19e3 kept quiet.05de40bc70cd9928

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“What about you?”ae3a4c1a659840ad

“Me?”aa84131fe388339e

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When he pointed at me with his finger, he turned to look at me as if to say ‘yes, you.’ I rarely received personal questions from him before, so this conversation felt weird.e8529cd378ad0a6f

“My dream isn’t anything special. I just want to love painting and keep painting until I die. Ah, of course, you might think it’s easy since you can paint anytime, but loving something until the end isn’t easy, so. Uhm, I mean…”44e5f8dd91bd0e6b

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It didn’t seem like I explained it properly, and I wondered how I should say it. And since I’d never told this to anyone, I wasn’t sure if I should. But then he said this.b2b21664581e870c

“Continue.”042e41b06e483c94

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“When you love 9628bca593 something, you become 8a62858866 greedy, right? And when you’re greedy, efb215c724 you eventually want to 13270b7331 be rewarded. Whether it’s people’s 2f4c5f75ef attention, recognition, or 4202cac81c competition prizes. But you e48d5f7091 can’t always cc99ce3dfc get what 46fb093687 you want, 862d365640 right? You might be4cb72faa not get c89c71a371 any reward b905d59130 at all. That’s really bitter. You know what’s 448d1fe8dc even more futile? When you’re 7b2b8629cf frustrated, you 214a5825ee give up, a1531685c2 and the 4ed9ffdb0f greed disappears. But the problem is, 028c28f56d the greed takes away a639733afa the love along with 9b3c78e385 it.”d046d0fc42e1a206

That’s why ambition is important. Grandfather always says that ambition for what you love is passion. When passion disappears, you start painting out of habit, and he said that’s when it’s time to put down the brush.f62f6f541e22c5cf

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“Are you afraid of the results after being ambitious?”4da1ab5fa86f31cf

“That, and I also lack the courage to follow my ambitions.”51ab1393417b2972

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Courage. He muttered and then 8a1d32b120 spoke as if sympathizing daff3344cd with this part.2717da93464aa305

“I lack that courage too.”803bfef2c8b1b840

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Was it because of his particularly subdued voice? While I felt like I had revealed a worry as small as a pebble, it felt like he had shown me a massive glacier whose end couldn’t be seen. Well, if your dream is playing with money, you’d need courage. You could end up completely broke if you mess up. I offered words of comfort, partly to lift his spirits.66d5b287ed3b9e27

“Let’s be courageous together, Mr. Shim.”d672e9637f1d9dd2

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He threw an irritated 7feddc0088 glance at me after feb6c602ad a long time.597c1c82a7bdbf6a

“You’re getting cheeky, Im Minha.”54a9a02d7d916bed

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“Ah, that name is a bit… Please call me Park Ryeok.”90c7425ae37d2d02

That’s kind of my identity in the convenience store.298e1262a92fab13

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“Im Minha suits you better.”19f51e37a66949f4

“Ha, no it doesn’t! Do you know how much of a Park Ryeok I am… Huh? Wait, this isn’t the right way.”f706c72adb9ac72a

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I belatedly noticed through 563f839381 the window that we 19e371b441 were going in a 7a5ee96ba6 different direction from my 13060e9c7c house.44f1170cec4da7ed

“I know.”c25cf7849acd7f98

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Know what?Looking back, he briefly 176f04d3d5 added while staring straight f52ccb2db0 ahead.2152a15925708f05

“Let’s go for a drive.”4c509854c8959ee1

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“Now?”1996ecc916c6e69c

“Sleep if you’re tired. I’ll wake you up.”33408c61c742521e

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No, I’m not tired but…I mumbled and looked b162a2a1ff out the window again. The car was 4cc2f7ef09 dark, but I 28d81ca7f1 wanted to hide 9aea5174cd my face that 27233a3fa0 had probably stiffened 9fc0aebe1b from bewilderment. He had 99bb42a99b definitely said 0132e200eb that he cc4357641f had business 766360c8c7 to take aea8d7805a care of 817f05e601 and would 915f226d2a drop me b4b0735fa3 off at 485a239227 home.ac4d4928c67ed10a

When I heard those 760f8be79b words, I had thrown 5ba0830643 away the doubts that de2f7a475b were filling my mind. Whether he had really fd41b05351 left the convenience store 0f44060f10 to his friend because f47eba69b6 of me. This feeling was similar 08d5da6d30 to when I faced fbe2c6f283 Euiyun. The feeling of 0efd74ae28 noticing the emotions 2c61e5dcf3 filling up in 0dacb052e1 the other person.a5c7248e1172a667

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But Euiyun was like c84471340a the rippling surface of b45ce5b508 water to me. I wanted to just bc1cf65e87 keep backing away, uncomfortable b1dcd6d86d with the fear of e32447b837 it overflowing. In contrast, Cheolsoo hyung 6b32d0361c was like a protruding 7403feeb60 frozen glacier. It was scary b9796c61a2 not being able f8f494d7fe to gauge how 4778f9c322 much larger the ad7058e177 glacier beneath might 7060561c59 be, but I 9dadcc7741 wanted to keep 025440d6f9 looking at it, e59da89633 and wanted to e208c2d9e7 touch it too.cc4e904bbb7f65d8

Of course, all of this could be my misunderstanding. The thrilling fantasy that he might have good feelings, perhaps even more than that, towards me. I didn’t want to break this. I don’t know why I’m like this either. It was unfamiliar and somewhat embarrassing that I reacted differently only to Cheolsoo hyung. As if compromising with myself forcefully, I asked him.917e9682733e0bf0

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“What about your business?”69f873e12dc3956c

“I’m taking care of it now.”e6ae6c5ec62eec2e

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Taking me home? Or just a simple 21e821ff0d drive?I needed to 01105f496c ask clearly and dd6f691207 break the fantasy, bcd348fc04 but I was 391b7133d3 too scared and b9a5296049 stopped there. Instead, I b05cd103d3 looked out 2b17b73801 the window 44905f9682 again. The good thing 275eec30c3 about holidays is 0e2af53ce6 that cars and 26cdbf5663 people disappear from 9d96dd658d the city like 40d945c738 an ebbing tide. The road was empty 8315401230 like a deserted national 2eef206d62 highway.5cb1a2745f1be8de

“Don’t like it?”8e01dbc57ed983af

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Despite his blunt tone, that question fueled my fantasy again because if he were his usual self, he wouldn’t ask for my opinion but would just coldly say ‘If you don’t like it, get out.’ When I hesitated, not knowing how to answer, he glanced at me briefly from the corner of his eye.aef4dcdbbfee9d46

“Tired?”8ab0ae8c94d6095d

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“A little. But it’s not polite to sleep in the passenger seat…”50ef888999e4d948

“You can sleep.”53d5c730c9bb0c89

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He quickly cut e163f1b6a6 off my words 675bcac132 and added as ee0b0314dc if scolding me,fbc885b2e16ef7a7

“I don’t care about that kind of politeness, so sleep.”1f319bad165a0441

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Come on, how can I sleep? When I don’t even know where we’re going …? Where are we going?2debd6538fb060cf

“Are you heading somewhere?”d9ea4b5e8476f78a

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“Yeah.”e1c8657c63133fe7

He should e31f0231c8 have told d16446fcad me the 55055cd5fe destination by 6b6577fc27 now, but d4d7bbf501 no matter 4dc3c7c219 how long c59f692a2a I waited, 16d49e5d2d there was cab30ce445 no explanation. I couldn’t 911a1e8e70 hold back 3ea6b5230e and was 1a827876dc about to 56ee28830c ask, but 2f0dfda4a8 I missed 52703ecb10 the timing 5c7ef89f00 again.59f775d1b6c553cb

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“I’ll wake you when we arrive.”9cefcb7e9a636909

He kept encouraging me bb8d19e497 to sleep. Hey, do you think I’m someone who just sleeps all the time?Just as I was 1aa4a7d547 starting to feel disgruntled, 6d856f43c3 I immediately fell asleep. In my a77ecfd160 defense, I 4b1b0be2d8 was really 2daa7431f2 tired. I had worked for d44ac1dfa8 12 hours, gone home, 5be207037e then rushed back to 872f6b3d88 the convenience store. And I seemed to fd8aeed4f3 have slept really well.5c07786c6fd25646

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Expensive cars must really be different, the ride was so smooth that when I briefly came to, I couldn’t tell if I was at home or in the car. But I soon realized I had woken up somewhere that wasn’t home. The air was different. The smell carrying the cold dawn air gave me the first sense of unfamiliarity.1f39056ab00ff61a

The atmosphere touching my skin was all strange. While trying to understand the situation with my eyes barely open from drowsiness, I belatedly realized I was in the car. All the windows were wide open. That was why I could smell the unfamiliar scent. But the sky was still dark, so I couldn’t see outside properly.f6a7949d766c66b1

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Where the 08342ddb13 car was 18f5086173 parked seemed d6c979bb01 to be 076c105520 slightly outside 447ed4785e the realm 1e8f7aa3b3 of streetlights, 5cbd1ca3f7 which were 702d62855f sparse.Where is this? As I was about to raise my body, I belatedly saw someone standing in front of the car. Although they were standing away from the car in a darker spot, I could tell who it was just by the tall figure’s back view.60ddb99fa77bd176

When I 97e5fb518d spotted Cheolsoo 23332d8557 hyung, all d7f8a3007d anxiety seemed 1864a31bd8 to dissipate 406089a7e1 as relief cb277540a0 rushed in. Then, as 82e90d5efa I was 1846821314 belatedly coming 27ce2e23f4 to my a43ba795b2 senses and 9dd7fa68c0 raising my 2225f684c6 upper body, 24b6709edc I hesitated. Along with 7973f80ed3 the unfamiliar 5f06afb697 air, a 9fc58ecac1 sound was de9aee3cd1 also coming 4ccd6802b0 in.  It 515ecd6d12 wasn’t loud, 106eb952aa but I 6ca10689c0 definitely recognized 7b7b214a05 it.862456f22d235fbb

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Swoosh~ Splash.6ea3a33befc98085

It was 08f01b979f the sound bb611016d5 of waves. I was momentarily ccc038cee5 dazed by the caa66de020 unexpected greeting from c7925310e3 the sea. I held dc7648007a my breath f42990b1c9 in surprise 2f1ee071c2 as I 9051b12b56 belatedly realized 488231888f the destination e7a39382a8 of this 35656d345f drive. I remained frozen for 39955f727a a while, fixing my 127d47e0ea gaze on his back 4d661d053b figure. If I went out 3a3ab632d6 and called him now, 6ea2de252a I felt like I d4838a0c8d might burst into tears 119e8bf5ec and make a fool cddeab85aa of myself.bbb3d915bac5051e

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I don’t know why he brought me here. He wouldn’t know how much the sound of waves meant to me, so it was probably just a casual thought. Maybe he acted on impulse when he heard about waves while wanting to go for a drive. But he wouldn’t have known that the result would take my breath away.0ac0a4e9aad6521f

The gentle sound 29599fa815 of waves announced bb8956702e the presence of 7352663217 a vast, invisible af00c6faed ocean beyond that dbf6ea23f7 darkness. How deep b33525ea38 blue, how dd12a9266e deep, how 8e69db0708 vast. But right now, 4122a308e4 only the backside 5a1db9485d of one person, bad0f969d7 looking like a 5ab7acff75 black silhouette, caught 6eb9ee40f3 my eye.33dd66faa4dd7ef9

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The human figure, 9a2a7abefa infinitely small compared 417fc23d67 to the ocean, d08ccd3832 looked like a b82660fb89 giant to me. As if c6fa3910f9 tall enough aa25904818 to reach 3a835122f6 the moon, 26c2c44bcc like he 25321f39bd could break e166893ca3 off a 98a50dc836 piece of c37ea1dd44 it. The comfort e24202a765 he gave c45f9d57bb me right 533296e349 now was b80df9c43a exactly like b629d2e04a that. It felt 8890441e90 like receiving dab071f27b that piece 1a2e70977d of moon 41e059309a as a 0be3e7f929 gift in da3df821d8 my hands.c690e80589c434ed

Maybe it’s because it’s a holiday. I was trying to suppress my emotions by holding my breath. But then as he turned his body, his gaze happened to turn and stop in my direction. Even though the car interior where I was must be dark and he probably couldn’t see me well, it felt like he was staring directly at me. Did he really know I was awake?9a07133377856217

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Then he 1493e8cdc0 slowly walked ca27e28fa8 towards me. He stood at the e561a61fdd open window and placed 727176db7d his hand on the 022c545995 window frame, bending down. This time d849f094c9 our eyes 2f30c98146 definitely met. He was too 886dac3001 close. Although the d4c9ab95b3 dawn air bba15c76f5 was definitely 7784af9ffa cool, at ad8d285022 this moment 07f3c92b5f it felt 9ff0edbd81 like being 218d7d3cda in an b6320e402b airless sealed cd201b2bca room.54d30717edca67e4

I don’t know why I was so nervous. Not wanting to show it, I hastily opened my mouth. I swear these words came out without passing through my brain,724c12ce12300331

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“It smells fishy.”22f8a57c077c65c4

Cheolsoo hyung’s eyebrow twitched again. How can he move just one eyebrow so well? It’s amazing.I put 12538270d9 aside my 45ef68e373 momentary admiration. I quickly 8a0d4f4ab0 added words 6095181b26 to make c253c2631f up for 4145d75768 my mistake.bc11910c9ea90ff7

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“Where is this?”39a90e0b81db0c52

“The sea.”2ae1acacc06b41b1

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“I know that. I can hear it.”c8e66d253d80ba0c

“What can you hear?”cfd2d8dfb1e6a697

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I twisted my upper 18178bd5a3 body backward, trying to 2274b0bdda create some distance.215ef2fb1d631390

“The sound… of waves.”cc3aa75b8965fddb

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“Right.”5efc247fc347a49f

He straightened up a436bf5795 and stepped back 8fff37bd58 as if that b46284959c had been his bec8457b95 purpose all along. Then he f56536bdb2 returned to 77fdf911fe his original 7403cf3e8e spot and 198dd43f4f gazed at 342ac5746a the dark 64deb926bb sea. I inhaled 6ccc5446f8 quietly, trying 346fd5cf34 to relax 5245e01058 my tense 059fda9f76 body. Scolding myself 8fa99a0514 repeatedly for 783c4660a6 acting unlike fa39233f2d myself, I 3d01b318f8 opened the f70c592a67 door and 95aa6f51c6 went to cbc260ab66 stand beside e69c8f0f71 Cheolsoo hyung.8d2bff8a72d2fa05

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Even though I wasn’t looking at his side, his presence made me so nervous that my skin felt itchy. Fortunately, once I stepped outside, the seaside air hit me more forcefully, enveloping me and reducing my tension. The sound of waves was also more distinct now.89de033add947abb

“The moon is so diligent. Even in the middle of the night when no one is watching, it’s working hard to stir the sea.”5a2ef0c62cb559f2

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This was nonsense again, but at least it was a thought-out comment. I needed to lighten the mood with such remarks to stop myself from trembling. Yes, strangely my fingertips were trembling, and I clasped my hands tightly behind my back. I wasn’t sure if this trembling was due to the emotion he stirred in me or because of him himself. Right now, I mostly just didn’t want him to notice that I wasn’t acting normal.f63b522999c63401

“Yeah, needlessly so.”845581862531dae3

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He responded coldly. I, who had spoken first, shook my head thinking that wasn’t right.44bd4e3dd4b2c742

“Not needlessly. If there’s even one person listening, it has meaning.”55f1bcdbfa93746e

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I could feel him looking in my direction. I thought he would ask whether it had meaning, but there was no question. Actually, since waking up in this unfamiliar place, I had many questions. Where is this place, can we return by morning, did he bring me to the sea because of me, does he perhaps… have feelings for me?0e5ded5a8b4778b1

But I didn’t want to ask practical questions. While listening to the sound of the sea and watching the dark waves, it seemed wasteful to tarnish this moment with such words. As I continued gazing forward, I understood why Cheolsoo hyung had been standing silently. My mind emptied, and everything felt peaceful. So it was only after quite some time that I finally uttered something practical.c1d476020958a94c

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“Hyung.”6523afb735134809

I still wasn’t looking at him, but I could feel that he had been watching me all along.889320794e8fd6c3

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“Thanks.”4ae2dbbdda3b8437

I mumbled, 5676a8001d releasing my c8e8f7ae24 hands from 3d40ea1760 behind my 2f29d5c824 back and 7c9f12a146 stretching one b2eebc500d to the 1ce95e66c4 side. My gaze still fixed c44589df81 straight ahead, I moved 9823d12fc0 my hand that way. Because Cheolsoo hyung e44caa5af4 was wearing his 2f71d1408b usual uniform-like short-sleeved 750cb70f8f shirt even in a39751aff0 this weather, my 1f61f4e0c6 fingertips touched his ad3a80141e skin. I fumbled along 9dfee1ccfb his firm arm, 241287ad2f moving down until f1a6ee179d I held his 0674d5d0a5 hand.681a0b2383e30b09

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I don’t know why I did that. When I belatedly realized what I had done, I was embarrassed, but I summoned my courage and didn’t let go. As the price for my courage, my heart felt like it would jump out through my mouth. If there was any consolation, it was that the darkness hid how red my face must have been.33931fc3c97c7abd

Though my face and heart felt like they would burst, all my attention was focused on my hand. I remained still, holding his larger hand. At first, the large hand showed no movement, like a mannequin’s. Then it twitched hesitantly. The twitch transmitted clearly through my hand.b9ab1b76829c8f05

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But that was all. He didn’t hold my hand back. After staying like that for a while, he twisted his body and coldly pulled his hand away.ae19ef5e5ff23de1

“It’s late.”a7ad82c26b920814

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That one phrase was 7433d5e5a5 his only response. Belatedly regaining my 9213736f0f senses, I deliberately 9e75507684 replied loudly.0747cf36ea4551d3

“Ah, yes, we, we should go!”a938f9fe4293c6cc

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In the car on the way back, I kept my eyes closed the entire time. But I wasn’t asleep. With a clear mind, I just pretended to sleep by closing my eyes. Thinking it was the price I had to pay for my embarrassing act, I couldn’t help it, but somehow I also felt incredibly, deeply sad.fe6402553b53f057

***007e389ee517a009

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I spent a few days seriously contemplating what this feeling was. Was I just moved by Cheolsoo hyung’s kindness? It was so unlike him, after all. Maybe I had fallen completely into a trap set by the holiday melancholy and was mistaken.515150d022b4584a

So I tried to find various excuses to avoid one hypothesis at all costs: that I had come to like him. At the time, I half-considered myself asexual so I was convinced it couldn’t be love, and I also had an aversion to love due to the sense of loss from losing my parents.0790eacf4787fe61

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But the biggest reason was Kim Cheolsoo himself, who might be an Alpha and had many secrets. Since he didn’t hold my hand back and let it go, I felt rejected even before confessing. Going further would only cause pain. I think I made that judgment instinctively.c69d382687497121

So when 427103bcee the manager 0bb8de55b5 introduced a 4e4af6c768 new night aca8ab4a35 shift part-timer e9b5c71236 a few e7cae15939 days after 28cdaa5cde the holiday b46579415e break, despite a4eac66c5e an indescribable 6580b92aa1 great disappointment, 1a472b3c3c there was ba32c7af40 also relief 02edcae6d9 in one c799e8803c corner of 6684c6a78f my heart.9fcefdde0148a81f

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“Did Cheolsoo hyung quit?”79eb8f24cc9e315e

I had hoped 90d781c787 until the end 437ec18ec8 that the answer 1200191728 would be that e22f0a2830 he was just e7ba6805cc a temporary replacement. But the 6bb6564d9f manager immediately ac7a5d22d3 nodded.2ee93f0c1211977f

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“Yes, something came up at home so he says he can’t work nights anymore. There’s some issue with Cheolsoo’s grandfather…”a17d1342f84ed199

He didn’t give a detailed explanation but shook his head with a displeased expression. Ah, could 726a1670b7 it be c4b8f281e7 because of 153fb92124 me? Hope rose again. Even though I wasn’t certain about my feelings for him, this hope grew obnoxiously large. However, the manager was exceptionally skilled at breaking the mood.70c26b2e04d8d9ff

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“But it’s strange. Before, he used to come to work even when there were problems with his grandfather, so I don’t know why he’s suddenly using that excuse.”28689c7ffd4ef136

…Maybe it is because of me. I swallowed a1fafff50a a sigh dd08b6689f and berated ad2eb09588 myself.Stupid, why did you 2f29937b17 suddenly grab his hand 9a7144f6b3 then?If I ee2a49d9c4 were Cheolsoo 46d8fec219 hyung, I 2050ca1ab7 would have 800e9697d3 been disgusted 999f72c833 too. How creepy would it c72c07ef88 be if someone you 6034711b3e showed kindness to with 3f68ada69f no particular feelings suddenly b58e6d623a held your hand?b6c94285d332e6d6

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The entire way home, and even after I got home and lay on my bed, I kicked at the air in embarrassment. At that time, it felt like I couldn’t overcome it without such self-reproach. It seemed like I could barely stop my emotions only by doing this. So I lived diligently, going between school and work. After more than a month had passed, when I thought of Kim Cheolsoo, I felt more like cursing than nostalgia.1b6a46185ed94189

Just because def7dad912 I held 9b1c1081b7 his hand! He should have 9b29e99e18 just thought of fffe217379 it as a e195c58a59 handshake!7ebb270dd6eb261b

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Just when I 05dea9fd62 thought I had b316407f99 overcome it rather dc6081f847 bravely, with just 0723a71315 a few days ec68ec0262 left before vacation, 028383d492 the manager suddenly 3e42a8ae3a proposed,b8ae75062e4530c0

“Ryeok-ah, let’s have a company dinner.”dbeb81173208e844

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I silently looked 94f0f97aae at him and 2ad0916a56 then carefully advised,a4db56d24d18c924

“If you want to drink, just go drink alone. So many people drink alone these days.”597bb460e1e33352

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At my words, edfac550c3 the manager clutched f31bb82b23 his head in 450124f134 distress.bd949aca01cdd09e

“Ah, I’m too introverted to drink alone! And I need an appointment to drink with dignity.”e7fd9eba8419c17f

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“I don’t want to be the victim of that appointment.”8891aaf4985aa8a0

“Victim? You’re the main character. You’re quitting soon, right? You’re going home during vacation, and you might not be able to work next semester.”9c008363f273af87

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I nodded. In my second year, 90547e2ef3 I wanted to focus 3a69c5401b more on painting. How difficult it had e218d05d9c been throughout my first 8352067679 year without time to 02aba2f6e5 do assignments.7f99471f955749ff

“It’s your last d9c7383753 day, so we 9dd8760194 should have a 65c6a3bdba farewell party.”4b7d3ea2096344e9

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I was about to say it wasn’t necessary and to give me a bonus instead, when he added as if he had just remembered,9946faf45d109f23

“Oh, there’s one more person coming to the farewell party. Cheolsoo is coming too.”02d1d6cf23e05018

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I froze. I was fc52bc0968 holding a f7c1cf7330 box I cbd781e6e6 had been 6f8b1071e1 organizing, then 53007efac0 pretended to eecb00fa74 be nonchalant 55804d83bf and asked 95782e7b11 back.c792386ccf72cee5

“Which Cheolsoo?”28e03065e6fb7dfb

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“Which Cheolsoo? The night shift Kim Cheolsoo… well, there are many Cheolsoos. I mean the Kim Cheolsoo who worked with you for a long time. The one who quit recently.”8c19f7773e24f640

“…He said he’s coming?”e2a30629ea747270

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“Ah, yes. He said he’d come since it’s your farewell party.”0c3a71cbfa995c74

After that, the manager talked excitedly about the dinner for a long time, but it sounded like a buzzing noise and I couldn’t hear properly. My heart, which had been fine for over a month, was pounding again as if it were broken.56a03db542eb301b

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***44d2a6812b793ed4

As the time for the company dinner approached, my broken heart raced more wildly. The truth is, I hadn’t had an ambiguous relationship with Cheolsoo hyung or been in a tense emotional tug-of-war. We just went to the beach once, that’s all.9f6b90d0d87e8c67

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Yet I felt pathetic for being so conscious of him like this. Moreover, even as I entered the restaurant for the dinner, I couldn’t let go of my expectations. I had created dozens of scenarios in my head, preparing for how to treat him after seeing him for the first time in a long while.53e5e992e63d4660

In the end, it was all in vain. When I arrived at the bar, he wasn’t there. There were only the manager and other part-timers.2386e0f6cb1602cc

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“Ah, Cheolsoo? I think Cheolsoo can’t come. I told him to come even for a moment if he had time…”1f21cc29166d5922

Another person named Cheolsoo, who was sitting nearby, interrupted with a face reddened by alcohol, asking, “Me?” The manager laughed and said it was good to have many Cheolsoos, talking nonsense even though he wasn’t drunk yet. I swallowed my disappointment and sat down.6a0df8d564a01bd6

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After getting rid of my expectations, I ate diligently at the meat restaurant for about an hour and emptied about one bottle of soju. My tolerance is higher, but maybe because I wasn’t in a good mood that day, just one bottle was already making my head feel a bit foggy. Fortunately, when I get drunk, I close my mouth.59b31a03b1214f8a

So whether cf484d3b99 people were 4f65ccbbc2 laughing and 3d61e54ce3 chatting or a860713a34 not, I 963aa5d496 just stared ffdf31f771 at the 0648430a08 grill. Among those 9cd0a0bc90 pieces of 122e6f5504 meat, there b65fc92a6e were only 23879e1dc2 a few 5fc0238a05 of my dd9367a16b favorite scallops f2fc059e6b left. But I d96004520f was too ca191ee882 self-conscious to f675c03ccc eat them 959518fca1 all myself. Even though I was 426017366e tipsy, I knew it 925e7fed92 would be impolite to f129307a36 selectively pick out just 306705b1dd the scallops.205d88e2c68bca2c

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Being so focused on the scallops, I didn’t immediately notice the latecomer to our party. While debating whether I should rescue a scallop from among the sizzling meat, I saw people half-rising from their seats and freezing.4060132f37d4f96d

Everyone except the manager had awkward expressions on their faces as they looked in one direction. I turned my head too. That’s when I saw the stoic face greeting the manager.ee19a1f0d0238297

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“Cheolsoo! I thought you couldn’t come? Good you came, good! Wait, we need to order more meat and drinks!”9d674b6696056eb4

The manager excitedly e042406c9a kept pressing the 14139b9207 order bell.12dd47113fcae8a9

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“No drinks for me. I brought my car.”10162366638575be

Cheolsoo hyung, efc9cbee34 who had 25b98bfcc9 greeted the 310ca2fc0d manager, finally 1d562d1209 turned his 1001239e65 head and 4990e2d394 looked down f57dd3595a at me. I just blinked at 53aa9fbeac him. Since I 986d23a302 remained silent, 5b2546b7b7 he greeted 3fc95c068a me as 5095f04075 he sat bf31b89626 down beside a27ac7a73e me.7358fd07c6efc4b8

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“It’s been a while.”7b0ed93cb6d3cdf6

“Yes.”3b1505b7f0bec92e

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I nodded and turned my gaze back to the grill. Though he was the person I had been waiting for, I wasn’t as nervous as I had been at first. Rather, I felt a bit resentful. Like someone who was sulking, I didn’t look at him and instead focused my attention on finding another love.326c6179d9d32d50

Scallops! My only e61717a370 love is bde322216f scallops!ec97cfe371815582

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Inwardly exclaiming this, I quickly pulled one scallop that looked like it was about to burn toward my side. Wouldn’t it be okay to eat one more at this point? Carefully, I moved the scallop to my plate without anyone noticing and hid it under a sesame leaf.eba276645fbe863b

Then, while still d1be726a46 looking only at bf578c99a4 the grill, I 03846c4444 silently moved the 207daa5de8 remaining scallops toward e934b0b8e9 me. Still, I could c7d529385c feel a gaze 1c43c2e6cb that occasionally watched e38ae5f95f me. No, that might be 81178a8a42 my imagination too. So what? I have scallops!989332f281e6213b

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As I was enjoying bca0c6eb26 my own private party 1d4721dbec while drunk, I heard 59c4a13bc2 a voice ordering.e44946727d370d08

“Bring us more soju glasses.”9be4e0c82d0e9990

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Cheolsoo hyung was speaking f6635300c1 to the employee who 0eaa695a64 was bringing drinks. When I just 5dbed4b0de stared blankly again, fb32e371ff he briefly said c58a45f0b4 to me.28c327680a13d19a

“Drink more.”aa8b9a682d344b2c

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“…”3d35344e703139f8

Though my mouth wasn’t glued shut, I turned my head without responding again. I couldn’t help it if he thought I was angry. I felt both happy and embarrassed to see him, and it hurt. My emotions were tangled like a complex thread inside my chest.48bab9c6c7aa035e

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But I couldn’t just keep staring at the glasses as everyone was drinking. People kept trying to talk to me. They had so many questions, asking one after another even when I gave short answers.9b55483088de9d27

“As an art student, don’t you lack time for assignments? How do you manage to work part-time?”99d1691de410bbec

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“I just manage somehow.”6b496bcbf3bdb0ba

“Ah, art school must have high material costs, right? And expensive tuition too.”09f87da186eabece

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I nodded 473a438f3e politely, and 918dd6c526 sympathetic gazes f6390554da flew my 75043894cd way. I quickly 0239f6067f let them 4ebd2125e7 know it 215121f6f0 was fine.68e102a0988d6bbb

“Tuition isn’t a problem. I have enough in my account for all 4 years.”cfa61127dd62e711

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“Oh, so you’re rich then.” Someone said with a laugh, and I shook my head.9ef19820fe0ab4c1

“I’d rather not use it if possible. It’s insurance money from when my parents died in a car accident.”0481876fddd8c779

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A heavy silence e53c7ccd2a fell. Though I 14f0b1ede6 was half-drunk, 3143e7414c I immediately 5a2ddf89d1 thought‘oh no’ – I’d been through this situation several times before. I shouldn’t have said that. So I didn’t mention that my grandmother was also in that car and now lies unconscious for years. Fortunately, there were no more questions directed at me after that.9ff77e6cef020b97

I wondered 2b36c31cc9 if people 67b6f9c05c would look 45d54875b1 at me b137002c13 with pity, 97d9252d42 but when 72d2fed443 I raised 63097e0ad2 my eyes, 6ea2b1f282 no one adade7c95e met my 6aea7018da gaze. No, there 0b2635e0fc was one 608b66f0b6 person. Kim Cheolsoo b5cbdb3a00 hyung looked b623571227 at me. I quickly turned 0c46d3f902 away, worried there ed9feab5bc might be sympathy 9a5e249c7e in his eyes.6ff25c45eccdab6f

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Then I seemed to spend a long time blankly watching people talk. At some point, Cheolsoo hyung’s hand caught my attention. That hand was gripping a small glass of drink so tightly it looked like it might break. Wondering why, I turned to look, but he was watching the TV news with an expressionless face.d90e96431c989096

We were close 6091700246 to the TV f12bc6344e so the sound 0ec84772c2 was clear. But the large 8ca640822d text summarizing the ec40ef9d8e article at the 252b3f821a bottom of the 48d5d41dde screen caught my ead8deba5b eye first.ca17c4d99c912a90

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‘Will Mirae Group become the winner of this chicken game¹?’c90f9edfc39d1444

The news was about 45b35d3cbb a recent hot topic ef793419cd that I also knew 9e6dfbfca2 about. At its 54ad7876ef center was 25631cb0d8 a mineral 99d03a4de5 called A, e47f0a73e8 which had 0b97f00ce7 become a f05ad586ec raw material 83145a6b0c for recent e3dcd3813b trending industries. Last year, c4d710fd62 another domestic 12d73a0baf company announced ffadd50e4f they had a976e3eb8e contracted to ea513e5d55 receive this 80fc7da70b mineral at c924b85811 a fixed 8b78719bbd price for ee1a4e392a the next 23bdba8e79 10 years 85c1789f9a from a 7fb38325b9 certain country d38a8adcea for stable 7f6b1643a6 supply.577dcae859aa5413

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Mirae, being in 0ab563cb34 the same business 763d7cc6e8 as that company, 9acc684597 had already bought b10f313886 development rights for eac7f9e3db mineral A several 36fe44720a years ago and c44803037f was developing it. And fortunately, the deposit 93ad9331bc amount was enormous, and 820ae12633 they began full-scale mining c9be61f4f0 early this year. Afterwards, Mirae flooded faae49fa6d the market with 1dd11b02b4 mineral A, drastically 04307a2e7c lowering the price.1d22a765dd408744

As a f932489179 result, the a3fcae4d0c other company 1bb76325ac that contracted 3f0b9c79b8 to buy fee2841355 the raw 06add58399 material at bf41ab9c73 a high 2e9447ffd0 price for 47be691b61 10 years 876e9d4d78 was in 7feb16082f chaos. In just 2faed23d1d one year, 5a8a3e922f their deficit 5c578e08e1 had grown a2761e3508 to an 7b8369e806 unmanageable level, d11df6ec1c and forecasts 3b286f4604 suggested losses 29e70c0491 could reach dbb23c14fe trillions of 01886b3599 won if ebc8f2d54b they continued 556cc632f6 receiving raw 4c3afef2e0 materials at 0fcb15144e this price 3fc68f644e for the 2cfb0baa69 next 10 ad6c3422bb years.771e6914b3f55b60

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Some said Mirae was cruelly wielding its blade to eliminate competitors. There was criticism that they shouldn’t cut down a fellow domestic company like this. Moreover, while people thought Mirae was taking losses by supplying raw materials at low prices, it turned out that wasn’t the case.a396132a4400c630

Criticism intensified recently when f87341c958 rumors spread that hedge cba3fa01a6 funds related to Mirae ddad826aa7 had bet on the 3318bd2cab weakness of raw material 375ef3815f prices. It seemed more than 485416518d just a rumor since 3ca9911eef Mirae kept quiet about 158d0efd75 it instead of explaining, 54e9dc73b5 fueling more suspicions. And the person at d52a3e1964 the center of these 8807f03a10 rumors was now appearing abed2d17d9 on the news screen. The caption changed as 56d691e457 her interview appeared.bd1eb4cfa20cf03a

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‘Mirae’s Chairwoman Bae Ian unexpectedly shows her displeasure.’2f9f2245bae39aa9

A woman with an 17bb75f94e expressionless face was answering 6fe7b680b5 reporters waiting in front a2786e311c of the headquarters building.3ff1f3c4751b98de

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‘What we consider cec287bc8e most important is a50fbfc38c the interests of f4e868a098 our shareholders. There’s no reason to 7ff8af2ff9 consider the circumstances of 66ca50d3dc a poorly managed company 76ca4a9791 out of patriotism.’1f1220b81a4454f8

Her cold 3a91821e7e voice held 91b125c86f no emotion, 2503b10044 but strangely, d5252fc667 I felt 84576a5575 like she 9a77729cb4 was annoyed. Maybe it e44cdcef5a was because 003aad97a8 I had 380183e4bf observed someone 5534e83f3d who rarely b81d3cbc08 showed emotions 252a295ec1 so closely.9f9ab74f08ceb096

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And Cheolsoo hyung, watching 4a05eb040a the news now, was d52acb319f also expressionless but full d40cea2686 of some emotion. It was c3827af47c similar to 0551e37b3f what I 958b52d988 had seen 731c806184 at the 29e71f5bf0 theater. I didn’t 8b6c8af27e know why 98e46c1d56 he was 8faa8b1b86 watching the 0a148399c0 news with 1901f1afda such hatred.c08c06919e0347db

That evening, what I remember most is Cheolsoo hyung’s expression. Although it was a meeting I had been waiting for, we barely talked that day. I don’t remember much after that. I had a few more drinks and became like a mute doll, and I vaguely remember Cheolsoo hyung taking me home.1451cea3bfdf2d87

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When I’m drunk and become like a doll, I follow others’ words well. Thanks to that, I hazily remember being held by his arm, going home, and lying down obediently on the bed. But though I lay down, my eyes were open. Then I heard a command mixed with a sigh from beside me.1db54317f240c69f

“Close your eyes and sleep.”93753af0d175cc5d

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Ah, eyes. Should close them, right. And soon darkness enveloped me. So I couldn’t be sure if the feeling of someone stroking my hair and his voice were real or my imagination because Cheolsoo hyung would never speak with such an anguished voice.392e9ab686fd5d51

“Why do you keep making me want more?”84485759e53699d1

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