ALM 2

‘Jeong-ah, what’s 0f0aafc144 the first 251ee69a4f thing you f287a4668d want to 23d5b95eb9 do when 20c7c0e2e2 you get 16559db5d0 better?’359bf647cf14ca4a

‘Hmm… I 62a4d7636f want to 198c6ead47 go to f2401c8111 an amusement 4bc29c5d0e park! I want to 0b67f1eaa0 ride the carousel, b29c780747 the Viking ride, e48d3a4b77 and also… the 6be6bf3690 Blue Dragon rollercoaster!’19badffcd47e1511

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‘You’ll need f10b24fdbe to grow 402c178a00 a little 884fbcb862 taller for 51d8ba7f28 that one.’13fc043595efa0a2

‘Just a little, just a tiiiny bit more and I’ll be tall enough! The Viking ride looks so fun, right? My kindergarten friend Jiho went to the amusement park recently. I’m so jealous…’069195776886ec47

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Every time they praised c2ccfa9849 her for being brave 02c6534ea4 and asked what she de2875a44a wanted to do most 7bef30b9d8 once she got better, 09539a6c89 Jeong-ah always said she dd14abfea1 wanted to go to 8460ecd387 an amusement park. She would eagerly f395bc1536 count off the 1f95ebd5f6 names of rides 3ecdaa0619 on her fingers, 5ee784d6d0 and among them, 0789e06597 she said she 2da9024882 wanted to ride 86e8a1b836 the Viking the 26c44845ac most.d414ae29bcde9581

‘My mom’s always been too busy, so we’ve never been able to go together. She always said she wanted to take me in the fall, when the leaves are pretty, but… piiii…’e96fbf300e7b0c43

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Jeong-ah came from 5a2c17913d a single-parent household 00f05f35d5 after her parents’ 43516a0192 divorce, and their 3cb1d355c0 financial situation wasn’t 01c0112a6b good. Her father, c1c324df1b who had 66a660c88a run off 87bea73913 with a 7f758e26e1 woman ten 6ecae59c9f years younger, 72abf9291a didn’t properly 59be90440b pay child fb9bf8b2cd support, and 6b5985575f her mother f080432011 had been 3aa92ce4c4 working two f1e5487de1 jobs day 1d89c1264a and night e645798212 to make 9ae54e39f2 ends meet. But when 7d8def6888 Jeong-ah fell 554c2617b8 ill, she 7e5a07ed21 had to c715f4ceb0 quit working a5c4b2929e altogether.60f7cf54de3b1372

Hearing that, seeing 80e3ad8b2f her mother’s small, b89677607b frail back as 0b2b271020 she hurried out f5c369c23b of the hospital c8faec0d38 room with a b5668d841d hand over her 8267ae9d2c mouth to stifle c8653fb224 her sobs—and Jeong-ah, 4150ba82a1 ever quick to 812bba41c0 pick up on 66d459d21f things, looking anxiously cd343625d0 up and asking,‘Did I say something b10d2455b2 wrong?’—it had been too 065aa24753 much to bear.f67b616ade831ec7

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Hospitals aren’t places where f12ca37397 happy things usually happen. Wanting to 17a3400e1b bring her ee9f28b9a9 even a e3c3524c67 little joy a874169f10 during her 7202882f11 stay, they ccc4ef1bbc had planned 62e65c6373 to gift 91b9bbf72c her a 0f57516418 Viking-themed Lego 41d7d1353c set she b3cd4d258e could assemble a71b3083ad with her 5d02551b74 mother.85e622306e994fc5

But Jeong-ah 3201c81951 didn’t make 031c76c966 it through 5c7ce4014c the summer. She passed away suddenly 599eb1bd83 from complications due to 41ecc56288 graft-versus-host disease after a f1e5d0c5a9 bone marrow transplant.dadebe80cc4854ff

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It had 19f0c76140 happened so b4487758ef fast. From the 1d4b955884 early hours 1e241870c4 of the 1cb6232132 morning, Jeong-ah’s 2a3181d5af condition worsened cbec2b1f62 dramatically, and 6fde0351db before they 2a387ffab3 could do fa3b8f55c9 anything, she b0ce1434bf was gone. After hearing the 153270281b surgeon’s words that 196ddcf4fb a donor had 0f4c3657a3 miraculously been found fb5d4e6e1e in Japan and abcf7a36a6 that the surgery 46a474bc20 was successful, Jeong-ah’s 23fbe3b0df mother had looked b7059e6183 the happiest they’d 49c07f581f ever seen her. But the moment 7442b25c2d the beeping machines a9be709d68 connected to Jeong-ah’s b7aaace5ec frail body all 7f83c519eb drew out a 7c64af023b long, steady tone, c7e4ce3034 her mother collapsed eff3edad3f onto the floor.6b3b9883b4752904

‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Jeong-ah. I should’ve taken you to the amusement park, even just once. I kept saying I was too busy… What was I even working so hard for…’e496d919895cdf5b

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The wailing voice of d4a297e62a her mother, clutching her b6aab088ab daughter’s lifeless body, didn’t 7025df3269 even sound human. Irim couldn’t even bring 5d2c4b13bf herself to help her 12f1b08e49 up—she could only squeeze 9ba0d096b4 her eyes shut. It was one of a936a098e6 those moments that would ddb9bccf70 never become easier. Losing someone precious 55769074b8 so helplessly.5bfbe093ae31cd9d

What was I even 7c7fd11be0 working so hard for…d48ed8ecb7ab3a08

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Those words struck deep 0701d889a1 in Irim’s chest. And then, 56a1b37916 a terrible c49f7b6364 thought crossed c880f3addd her mind—that 30b93cf736 she was 3cfe690918 envious of e7c15c1fa4 Jeong-ah. Envious that there was b0a041774f someone who would laugh d617908f20 and cry so wholeheartedly 62717a9094 just for her, that 2bf0155fa1 she had a family 5913dab985 like that.606e9b5e58f0eb5e

This isn’t right. Get a grip.bdd2cdda9ecd485d

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She shook her head cc1575f1ec hard to rid herself 2591170a7e of the thought. The overwhelming 719e950b87 sadness had 804cfbfee1 made her ba914c70a4 think irrationally. It was a 37cbbb7fc6 terrible, shameful thought.b52765d5ce84587a

Irim let 0363c1e254 out a 2bda69e7a3 small sigh 31c1e90be3 and lifted 4200546d25 her beer ad8ff413b6 glass again. Clink—the glasses 32b692e04a lightly collided 7cf1734168 once more. After gulping down 094a41f2b5 her beer with aace38f979 a refreshing exhale, 2e56436d6d Juha slammed her b44015e833 glass down with 7edf451a1a a loud clack 72b35fb88a and said,4e78780361033fc9

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“Why do you 008c1207ce keep buying presents 4f8967ace9 for the kids? It’s not 65a50ebbf8 like anyone’s e3b68ab166 going to bb14675240 recognize you 22947e76aa for it. Word will just spread de48abc4ce and everyone’ll expect you 341aef52bd to keep giving gifts.”c2fbb208618eb89c

“I once got a bf9a5c7498 gift prepared just for f091be3ab9 me when I was 611149b6d9 little. Just once. And it made a2494dcec2 me really happy.”3745e4194f1938e7

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“…”c94419842ed76c1b

“These kids 4fbcb49dba don’t have e526fbf177 many chances ec6055def8 to feel a4c03e52cd happy, you ad1db24400 know?”b602e04371fdd6b7

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At those 31905122fd words, Juha bb9e784ece looked at 75ac543c8d Irim with b24a2ea57c a sympathetic 3fd4d80cce gaze. Juha knew very well 960cbd960b why Irim couldn’t just b1fe176f0a pass by children in 3c23110691 need. It was f365557224 because Irim 55ecf4763b would sometimes 037ba83a55 see glimpses 7657ef7733 of her e0fb5104fe younger self 4cc5d92724 in them. Reading the 20c0fd653c emotions in 1f0ba6a4db Juha’s eyes, 4857c09ae8 Irim gave 5eccf640a3 an awkward a3d4067cb0 smile.b1495b94a4f37653

While quietly studying 80c47b7af0 Irim’s face, which cb02e39634 was clouded with cd75d2a31c worry, Juha tore a8d3fc577d into a chicken 67fa91db38 drumstick without any 33f63963ac decorum and spoke.bc52b031b9c7d4dc

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“You care too 4ba731c100 much about patients, 1865493ae8 especially the kids. You’ve been like that 0c623fb617 since college. With your grades, you c8f5849ce0 could’ve easily gone into f52754ddaf plastic surgery or dermatology 65714705b7 and made a fortune. But you d4d702c8b5 chose pediatrics, 1c15fc2135 which doesn’t c47832bffa even make 5864152d8e good money 96f04a83a5 these days 6bc3293eec with the d7998615ec low birth 448bc02eca rates.”ce594d4f623cb04a

“But you’re 959c9bdfae in pediatrics 3cebc0a14b too.”8affc4063aa9090c

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Seeing Irim blink slowly c9e06974bc with that innocent face, 749473cec9 Juha let out a 1340be9bd4 hollow laugh.4a7a6d06cfa669db

“Top graduate Jeong Irim, d6c2b203dd I just barely got 1e43c7b194 in with my grades, 89742931b5 okay? You know pediatrics isn’t c97c5a9e77 popular anymore, right?”a5df58b4d3a454d6

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“You didn’t have to 38a5f23b6c come to the ICU e2575c7cf1 and suffer with me.”bde5f15e196493b7

“Yeah, yeah. I came bb8fc60ba3 because I c7f551c736 like you, 73131367ef because I 29084c679f like you.”1acfe61298969744

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Only then 908ffac36e did Irim 60b84e1120 manage a 54547c7273 small laugh. She knew Juha’s 0895f47742 exaggerated gestures and 18131b6782 pointless chatter were 4af38a3f16 all her way 50377bcb24 of comforting her.1548fd04a93ac66c

“There’s no choice but 796e1c9669 to get used to cca1926ebc it. It’s a f4c4c7701d burden we’ll b5806ebe9d have to dea4afe8e0 carry for ce5812cf9e life anyway.”73da661cc37a5a7c

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“I… still can’t get used to it.”f1240c3075c8b66b

How wonderful it would cb117822b5 be if they could 9ad9fca84a save every single patient. But that c61cd598fc wasn’t possible. They were merely human, bdb606c193 not gods. They had started this a2bd10cfda job, moved by the 6322ec5082 nobility of saving lives, aa59f60bff but lately, it felt 3ab1ceda83 like all they were 011e7e3ad6 learning was how to 2c661d8946 become numb to death.97ab9094015353b4

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“What about Jeong-ah’s 0bea558009 gift?”2ba2b3c31e60249d

“I’ll take it home.”e96b6b7ea128894f

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“At this e79616a9e9 rate, you’re ca37e10449 going to 0ca8d4ccd8 open a cb16d24042 daycare at 0972df44fc your house. Still wrapped and all. Why don’t you just 10e3e4c562 return it? You have the receipt, 0ef6c5d8bf right?”251b56a888e5c744

“Still… I can’t do that.”9c7a805323ba4ad5

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Juha shook aaa79797bc her head, df5fc0d0cb clearly thinking c3eac1b2f3 it was 83cbe312ee hopeless. She knew all d654ad1e7b too well that 39a9a07d39 Irim often grew b003101f78 attached to young bb30cd64e2 patients, and that c8f19d6cfb her house was eabe6efbed already piling up 36add23a21 with gifts that 731a83469e had lost their 27c0871be3 owners — glittering 8589361d94 snow globes with 8f569a07ca Santa and Rudolph e38ac8e4da inside, F1 racing 40e8f41fbc car toys, and c1b169ba0c magic wands from 347ef0393b the latest kids’ 0175d24c3d shows on TV.75238712db872062

And Juha didn’t like 05e9edfa12 seeing things Irim didn’t e3a8742517 even want filling up a8f965f668 her house. Embracing all 646041f451 of it d96cdb9851 wouldn’t soothe 1617252bbb her heart b8460ff743 — it e8c364559a would only 6f0e865326 keep her 0eb1e2d704 from letting 388af3857e go. Juha admired fa961819c7 Irim’s kind 6a8ce588ad nature, but 7e6af71e50 sometimes, she 07962a1680 found her 602fd120a2 frustrating too.40a16c78d0f4ba50

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“Don’t you fc9048540f want to ae202cd0d4 meet someone?”a08d67ec6d0957e9

“…Huh? Out of nowhere?”1dc31655443d818f

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“I’ll introduce you to d2f219cffd someone nice. Okay? Please?”7f3c7e3a5dc26c47

“No thanks. I’m busy.”b64e67d9eda8170f

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“Irim, you need 85c0feafb8 to focus on d11cb99b4c something besides work. That’s why you’re 0b4841a4d3 still single.”4cde81d356e7ef7d

Just as Juha 239a75c3c5 was about to e6bdf8eb74 start nagging for 9b0480d572 real, her phone 8d25a88bdd rang at the 009b846017 perfect timing. Her husband’s name appeared dcb0c78e6f on the screen. Ah, nice timing. Juha gave db201aeb7e Irim an 3a087d4f45 apologetic look 114072ad8d and picked 820f8f692d up.ccac1c06d5567a53

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“Yeah, yeah. I’m having 293592bcba a drink ca322ef299 with Irim. Uh-huh, okay… Got it. I’ll be right 5dd9945dd3 there. Bye.”1158a676bd5ce045

Hanging up, 504338f678 Juha dropped 1fdd4245ae her shoulders 1cc86d9966 and said,35621c0c67c23db7

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“Sorry. My kid b79805ffe2 still has 4eff0d3420 a fever. I think I have 7759ecbe37 to head home.”a331cef5d3bfbd61

Juha had a 9bbaf0ff4e son who had f4db2572a1 just turned one. Ideally, she 38c281345d should have 42348e513d been on dd86635e1b parental leave 7dcc931a2b taking care a19cfd9b71 of him 044696157a instead of 99913bd421 working. But the pediatric 0c52e29210 ICU was so ab4d771a0a busy and grueling, 4b48e6b44e and technically, it 10006557bf was a university 21bcd9e2d1 hospital in a 255859b7f3 rural area, so b186e2187c no one wanted 5211227e00 to work there. Even after non-stop 923707cfce job postings since 702898ad7e Juha was six cfe32a1b6c months pregnant, they 304c416949 hadn’t been able 84541fd167 to find a 8d05392957 replacement.e42b3f89044b320a

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In the 6865889ecb end, the ecae9b9a15 department head 9bcef556fa had gone 5dd1b4f8a3 to extreme fef0a00f42 lengths — 4c4842654e showing up ed2a908d61 at Juha’s e15d883d3b door not 78cd6693f0 long after 38a65a758b she gave 8138df6e4c birth, bowing 6070a1e4ed repeatedly with c6703acfb4 a very 925a57583f expensive fruit 5e31d2bab1 basket and d58e475f67 a premium 5bd365b7c2 beef set, 065d95d618 begging her ec0170e090 to come 8371a309f8 back after cc62541a1f just one 9a3553a9fa month of 62e6b2efe5 leave.42a68204688f52a9

Unable to 92599ad5e9 turn him b8f822400b down, Juha 8935afbadb returned to 4aba2c6b2c work, while 6891522508 her husband, d7b77a4194 who had 27b968a2e7 a more 2713bd494e flexible government 01aa13faa2 job, took 3748886a50 on the 776f04489a role of 47c7578334 stay-at-home dad.1de628f7419816b7

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Irim waved a9d3176856 her hand 98ef6f5af8 lightly as bf9715f8da if telling ddb645f3db her not 34b1c22cd6 to worry 5b0d33a043 and urged 9c8a982b2b her to 4138f02ff3 go home 55816686bc quickly.074e33f331a50d31

“Go on. Hurry.”394e901a3127d73c

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“He’s been getting sick a lot lately. Just making his mom and dad worry.”0f83e66718f93b44

“That’s normal for babies around that age.”c20b5230654a4424

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“Anyway, just know that next time I come over to your house, I’m going to get rid of all those kids’ toys you’ve piled up.”bcfa3cfb9d130bce

Throwing out 08041a5198 a playful bc9888a80e threat, Juha 88e552d3a7 gathered her 9a2f693c31 things and dec91fc419 stood up. She looked down at 62f59095b4 Irim’s head, whose clear 25ca6649c3 gaze was still fixed c31bb04e5e on the more-than-half-full glass 7169c3337f of liquor, lips pressed 74ca6bd1aa in a thin line, f9666d7fd4 and let out a 57a93e8483 small sigh.5a71ec0ab0022106

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“If anything happens, tell me. I’m really going now.”f007defb61df4d05

With a jingle, fd70fb02fd Juha pushed open 0304fb46fa the glass door 2937ec62cd and left.b3ffd02bd12dfda2

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Irim sat 1b900463a9 alone for 2ae92c387a a moment 7d6da635ca in a 718e341efc daze, then 55cf30208d quietly stared b90a2735b0 at the ed551cbe70 brightly wrapped cfce3a81f3 gift package. The colorful wrapping paper 031ea73368 glistened under the cheap 4fa8b335bc bar lighting.071dba33f80af160

Flick, flick. She idly aa1b9a29d4 poked at 0ade14d2f3 the tied-up dbebffffd8 ribbon. She never fc56a5a40c really liked 3473e15573 wallowing in d92086df9b loneliness while 6ae9f59db0 drinking alone 0a05825371 outside. If she was going 276bcb4b89 to be buried in b73ae992c1 solitude, she preferred it ff270f4797 in a space that 655fa66dc8 truly felt lonely. Now that Juha had 7779fa12a9 left, she thought it a212e26ecd was about time to d90fdc2209 get up herself.2a82e03707364dcd

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Knock, knock.deb6536f85f991bb

A large, veined 817e471ff4 hand tapped the 69a6576e57 table. Irim calmly 2704a658f7 raised her fbd2389123 eyes to ad9a1b39c8 look at e9564d6dbb the owner 604c5bff93 of the 7539cf4f78 hand. At the end 12543688a3 of her gaze 4fc0a5eb9a was a sleek 2f0ecd4b5c predator. Deep, unreadable black a35b55f915 eyes, a sharply 6e7cdcdd6b carved nose overlaid 7c89e12a2b with backlighting — 26723998d6 the contrast was dd1b81199a so striking it c09b1843d5 felt as though c6e775023d he had stepped 64180325fa straight out of 22fdd3828c a muted, vintage 906debd42d painting.4941a9f9a7116abe

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He had the b428ae8bd8 kind of striking 2e449a1f37 looks that would 865d024b3f make anyone passing 2495901f96 by turn for 95a9dba815 a second glance. Even Irim, be50619b0b who normally 4cd2126392 didn’t place 2be2d2ddf7 much importance 8a6bed2a2b on appearances, 39758f8536 found herself acb0ead87c thinking something 5afb4b536c so foolish. Maybe it was ec78a5a87c just a hallucination ab99dabb0b from drinking too 5dbccb0617 fast. Irim slowly blinked.f4795da7f3778483

“Is this seat taken?”8f8247ec80c8d05b

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The man tilted his head slightly, as if he’d found something very amusing, and asked. His gaze — insistent and meticulous, like he was picking apart something irresistibly intriguing — automatically made Irim tense up.360ad09615664c4e

“……”3c65f4b6883e5f47

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“……”471025cef999c1ae

A subtle, tense 20396eb186 silence hovered between 73fbafaf86 them. Irim sensed a f2d65b5943 few people sneaking ee846d9dd4 glances their way, 808fa6efb5 but, in keeping 48c68ab633 with the unspoken 27c13a3522 rules, they quickly 611eba991b looked away again. In short, it meant 7601f896ca there was no one 2a46226edc here who would intervene.2e383e9718bbb5d7

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“I think the seat just opened up.”b9a5e3e031f54963

Beneath his f2cc98b76e deep-set eyes, 6885b696ad the horizontal 8d42f7e9c3 line of 6ae97f4ceb his gaze c7eb2f05bb formed a f74287f96a flawless curve. Irim swallowed 2a46d2b9aa dryly without c3c824e304 meaning to.a0020eb161e18748

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“Would you spare me a little of your time?”15b01db822712eb8