LM 1

【Prologue】

Illyeontaksaeng (一蓮托生)

1. A Buddhist term likening it to a lotus beautifully blooming from the mud — even if one is born into a dirty, harsh world and lives a difficult life, by attaining enlightenment, they can be reborn in the Pure Land inside the same lotus after death. 
2. A metaphor for sharing the same fate until the very end of life, regardless of foreseeing good or evil outcomes. 

Ah, so bright…

Sunlight seeping through the curtains woke her. The old motel curtains, which hadn’t seen a washing in who knows how long, fluttered lightly in the late summer breeze.

It was a morning sun she could only enjoy peacefully on a day off without being on duty. Her body and mind should have felt refreshed, but in reality, her condition was far from good.
First of all, her head hurt as if it might split open at any moment, and her entire body was screaming to go back to sleep.

What on earth did she do last night?
What had she done to feel like she was dying all over?

Irim began piecing her memory together, her mind foggy like a clouded mirror.

Well, first, she had drunk too much. That much she remembered.
And that was fine.
There was nothing like alcohol to put you to sleep on a day when your heart felt unbearably weary.
Sure, she knew it was a terrible habit. But what else was as convenient?

Still, what came after that—
That was the real problem.
A problem so big that the drinking itself felt insignificant in comparison.

“I must have lost my mind…”

Rolling around with a man she had just met at her age…
She had done something she had never even dared to dream of before.
Irim groaned dryly under the covers.

The years she spent as an undergrad, clinging only to her medical license, had been closer to days spent with cadavers than with the living. Even after moving on to the frantic life of a university hospital doctor, there had never been any spare time to meet someone new.

And yet, what was this?
Sure, they say people can go a little wild later in life, but wasn’t this a bit much?
She had no one to blame but herself, and yet she was still dumbfounded.

It wasn’t as if her “first time” had to be treated with any special reverence, but to think her first one-night stand would be with a complete stranger whose face she didn’t even know…

The faint fever still lingering in her body, the lukewarm sweat that hadn’t yet dried on the sheets, and the tiny traces of dark red blood smeared faintly across the sheets filled her with unbearable shame.
She hadn’t even been able to pull off pretending like someone used to casual one-night stands.

…Had he left?

Since it was just a meaningless one-night stand anyway.
She had heard that in cases like this, it was rare to even see the morning together.
Even if they did bump into each other, it would just be awkward.
At most, if they liked each other, they’d leave behind a scrap of paper with a phone number.

If she just thought of it as a one-time accident…

‘Ah, ah—ah, stop, there, I’m going to—’

‘Are you telling me to stop, or not?’

‘S-Stop… ah!’

‘I can’t really hear you.’

Fragments of last night’s mortifying memories floated around in her head like useless debris.
Even through her dazed mind, one thing was clear:
what happened last night had not been forced.

First things first—she had to wash up.
She just needed to get clean, escape this place, and bury this incident deep in the past.
There was absolutely no reason to linger in a place that would only bring back memories of a night best forgotten.

At that moment, a strange noise pricked Irim’s ears.

Click, clack.

The light sound of plastic pieces clashing against each other came from nearby.
Realizing what it meant, Irim’s face went sheet white.
It was the sound of someone assembling building blocks.

As if she had been hit with an electric shock, she jerked her upper body upright.
The carelessly ripped wrapping paper strewn across the floor confirmed her fear.

The man she had slept with last night—
he hadn’t left.
He was still here.

She turned her gaze toward the sofa where the noise was coming from.
There, sitting lazily on the cheap hotel sofa, was a man with a bathrobe thrown casually over his bare body, completely engrossed in building a block toy.

Everything about him screamed big.
Tall height, broad chest, a lean waist—and between his legs, that dark, heavy thing that made even the bright midday sun feel like it should avert its gaze, still flaunting its terrifying presence without a shred of shame.
In his large hand, he dangled a nearly completed Viking figure.
It wasn’t small by any means, yet in his hand, it somehow looked tiny.

Despite knowing full well that Irim was now awake and quietly observing him, the man showed no reaction, continuing to focus intently.
Then, almost absentmindedly, he tossed the block toy onto the table and turned his gaze squarely onto her—
catching her in her dazed, horrified stare.

Right. Those eyes.

She should have run the moment she saw those eyes.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked.

His greeting was so gentle and casual it could’ve fooled someone into thinking they were longtime lovers.
Against the morning sunlight backlighting him, his face looked so neat and clean that it was almost dazzling.
The memory of the man who had mercilessly thrust into her, no matter how much she begged and pleaded last night, sent an involuntary shudder through Irim.

“Our sequence of events got a little messed up,” he said lightly. “But we have a lot to talk about.”

“……”

“Shall we have that conversation, Witness Jeong Irim?”

The smile he gave as he finished speaking—
was nothing short of masterful.

That day, the greatest mistake she made wasn’t drinking too much,
nor was it having a one-night stand.

The problem was that the man happened to be a devil of the night.
A beast of the beautiful night who survived alone even during the day, a yaksha from the chaos, and the painful thorn in my side.

That man surely didn’t know either.

That by making the mistake of meeting me, he would end up ruthlessly abandoning the lifelong obsession he had clung to and struggled with.

【 On the Bitterness of Being Forced to Meet Those You Hate (怨憎會苦) 】

To explain this absurd event, we first need to rewind time to that absurd night.

Hope Bar “Pinocchio.”

Located next to S University Hospital in Chuncheon, Gangwon Province, this small, tucked-away bar had more hospital workers than regular customers.

Compared to other restaurants in the area, there was nothing particularly outstanding about it.
The food was average, and the interior was old and worn out.
They even allowed indoor smoking, and the greasy, smoke-stained wallpaper gave off a musty tobacco smell.

And yet, this place was inevitably popular.
Facing directly across from the emergency room entrance, it was the perfect spot for doctors and nurses who often had to drop everything at a moment’s notice and rush back to the hospital.

Among the university hospital staff who gathered here, there was an unspoken rule:
If you weren’t here together, you pretended not to know each other, even if you did.
Across the room, an orthopedic department chief and an internal medicine doctor were casually chatting over dried pollack, but there was no need to get up and greet them.
And, naturally, any gossip overheard here was treated as a complete secret.
This made the place even more popular.

In a secluded corner, two second-year residents from the university hospital’s pediatric ICU, Irim and Juha, sat facing each other, sharing their feelings.
The old TV mounted in the corner buzzed with the midnight news, which they barely paid attention to as they sipped their beers.

“Come on, let’s toast.”

“Cheers.”

“Good job today, too.”

Clink—
Their glasses lightly tapped over the table.
Unlike Juha, who paced herself with the alcohol, Irim quickly drained her glass.
In less than an hour, three more beers had been delivered to Irim’s side by the staff.

Having watched Irim since their university days, Juha knew well that Irim wasn’t a heavy drinker.
Peeling the skin off a piece of fried chicken, Juha clicked her tongue in concern.

“You’re drinking a bit too fast today. Take it easy.”

“It’s fine. I’m off tomorrow.”

“So you’re planning to just drink yourself to death tonight?”

“Nothing wrong with that. I said I’m off tomorrow…”

Tsk tsk, Juha clicked her tongue again.
She already knew.
Whenever Irim asked to meet at Pinocchio for a drink, it was only on days when a patient she had been caring for passed away.

And sure enough, even as she chugged down her beer, Irim kept glancing at the seat next to her.
On that seat sat a small gift bag next to her handbag.
Juha bit her lower lip and, already knowing the answer, asked anyway.

“What’s that?”

“A gift.”

Irim answered. Her tongue slightly loosened from the alcohol, as she absentmindedly fiddled with the ribbon tied to the small present.

“Again?”

“Yeah, again. Again.”

“…That was for Jeong-ah, wasn’t it?”

“…Yeah. That’s right.”

Today, the child for whom that gift was prepared had passed away.
That was why the two were here.

Jeong-ah was a small, skinny little girl who had battled leukemia for about half a year.
When she first came to the hospital, her cheeks were round and plump, but chemotherapy had ravaged her little body.

Her hair had all fallen out from the treatment, so her mother had knitted her a pink beanie to wear.
Even though she had to endure painful injections every day, she always smiled brightly — a truly lovely child.

Note:

【 원증회고 (怨憎會苦) 】

Breaking it down:

• 원(怨): resentment, grudge

• 증(憎): hatred, detestation

• 회(會): meeting, encountering

• 고(苦): suffering, pain

This is a Buddhist concept — part of the “Eight Sufferings” (팔고, 八苦) — describing the pain or suffering that arises from being forced to encounter or interact with people or things one resents or dislikes.