ALM 1
by Calen_ongo【Prologue】4003329b3e1fa7b2
Illyeontaksaeng (一蓮托生)094bdf2dda1fb174
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- A Buddhist term likening it to a lotus beautifully blooming from the mud — even if one is born into a dirty, harsh world and lives a difficult life, by attaining enlightenment, they can be reborn in the Pure Land inside the same lotus after death.
- A metaphor for sharing the same fate until the very end of life, regardless of foreseeing good or evil outcomes.
Ah, so bright…eec7c27000e14412
Sunlight seeping fa3bdc84bd through the 09eeedbee3 curtains woke 20e9e1eca3 her. The old motel curtains, d63df57023 which hadn’t seen a 094c801972 washing in who knows 31cf0c48eb how long, fluttered lightly eb10f525d3 in the late summer 3c6f9c52ba breeze.1f57c6041c17c56d
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It was a dc48fa5b7c morning sun she 7f0373e469 could only enjoy 47a797710b peacefully on a 930388f8c2 day off without 816ced63b5 being on duty. Her body 5cbaf3c35d and mind ff1ee6105b should have 55234ee967 felt refreshed, 2ba87b9898 but in e90ce938fe reality, her 7941ddf39f condition was 1f2de97cae far from a79a2ed073 good.
First of f169052918 all, her 52bed1d6b4 head hurt 455d9e7d2d as if 8f79f75ffb it might 46cf02e922 split open 22067dfc8e at any c34e76b7c5 moment, and ee6acc38fe her entire 12be51eff6 body was 180129bfb7 screaming to 4e44d704bd go back 0ea4abcc58 to sleep.a59958c943aa924d
What on 260f19e41a earth did 92ee8ffb62 she do 0730970ae3 last night?
What had she b8f0ef375d done to feel 6399d75ccd like she was ffbfb70d28 dying all over?0315cf478e3d3a48
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Irim began 3a1538cece piecing her 9e6298022f memory together, 4404fd1897 her mind 0a8483236e foggy like a169f78b2a a clouded f3ce1c3481 mirror.01d4442d5931847f
Well, first, 983018bb8e she had c6c9298971 drunk too c0867b2755 much. That much she d5a68085fd remembered.
And that was 2d4d414a33 fine.
There was b34cfaafbd nothing like 13c0b5e6b7 alcohol to 2de80a33ea put you fd6da2aa9b to sleep 3f63d54f14 on a 6a2f4e535e day when 11d6276406 your heart 04820a5c77 felt unbearably dc1fed4a45 weary.
Sure, she 7d1cf7a946 knew it 8988acc876 was a 36f0344ca2 terrible habit. But what 9c057add01 else was 86060ac3e3 as convenient?1ed9aa8e2914c56a
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Still, what came after fd901342fe that—
Thatwas the real problem.
A problem 47dc985c6e so big 866d4610cc that the b67e54b0f0 drinking itself fbb7eef71f felt insignificant 99dc477f94 in comparison.b60596f057c92c2c
“I must b86ac1c3fb have lost ed419e1286 my mind…”6ec234a0e7aa4140
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Rolling around with a 5c35ba69a9 man she had just 2fa2f3a8a8 met at her age…
She had done c5fea9e4d6 something she had a3585405ca never even dared b242113dc9 to dream of c239f8cb3f before.
Irim groaned b711b54da5 dryly under a9d3a895a4 the covers.b2542c33341a0162
The years she spent 4311881c09 as an undergrad, clinging 31ed5db3f1 only to her medical 2373cfab9e license, had been closer d9c9cdb919 to days spent with 09d7144047 cadavers than with the a54d842820 living. Even after moving on 98e8ad098a to the frantic life e5a40b0538 of a university hospital 4507e78793 doctor, there had never d5f140e7e4 been any spare time bb049e9f92 to meet someone new.3cb6670a29287228
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And yet, 2afc6224fd what was 493748cf91 this?
Sure, they say people 6e50708f4b can go a little 5e815b88b1 wild later in life, be15ac5f9f but wasn’t this a 0ca5edc8ab bit much?
She had no 690fcfb318 one to blame f93d402ee6 but herself, and 1680753a3c yet she was b5af364470 still dumbfounded.0744c9189784f685
It wasn’t as if her “first time” had to be treated with any special reverence, but to think her first one-night stand would be with a complete stranger whose face she didn’t even know…ec21970f9660e720
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The faint fever still lingering in her body, the lukewarm sweat that hadn’t yet dried on the sheets, and the tiny traces of dark red blood smeared faintly across the sheets filled her with unbearable shame.
She hadn’t even been a63fc6d12d able to pull off c2b7eb5e21 pretending like someone used f5eacc272b to casual one-night stands.ebc34aaba15966f5
…Had he left?2a988fd07d638080
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Since it was b32d953434 just a meaningless 6b89b263ff one-night stand anyway.
She had heard that f6f7d8b235 in cases like this, f2cd6b7aae it was rare to 1cf1488892 even see the morning 703e0f6eb6 together.
Even if they did f1e6fbcc9b bump into each other, 6829893a1f it would just be a0a0161d94 awkward.
At most, if they liked each other, they’d leave behind a scrap of paper with a phone number.cc72773a85c1dbf3
If she 56d4fe87d6 just thought 5522b4f218 of it bc4cf1881c as a 0c5ed1ce0f one-time accident…8874687125bc064d
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‘Ah, ah—ah, stop, there, I’m going to—’be3498804acac084
‘Are you telling me 3baf41feb4 to stop, or not?’875e36d63827c668
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‘S-Stop… ah!’e43df84dfb7b1487
‘I can’t really 27857bc324 hear you.’f9656a786e443368
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Fragments of last night’s adb3e45149 mortifying memories floated around 08e3aef77d in her head like 8796f75b87 useless debris.
Even through her 0dda9fab3a dazed mind, one 5e41f02116 thing was clear:
what happened d5d26a8069 last night fa5b631700 had not d83e77c397 been forced.bc74e79470273663
First things first—she had 43a4dcfdd3 to wash up.
She just 30fe0583c2 needed to cfb8333ce3 get clean, 1cec9c4e06 escape this 8548c9690b place, and 972f9b8348 bury this 2d38929bba incident deep 3ce084dcd0 in the ca96a29ee9 past.
There was 9621e096ca absolutely no 450b81f9a8 reason to c7866f3a89 linger in a1d58cd999 a place 181024fc94 that would bd47b4814d only bring 54e0708288 back memories cd69b16ffe of a bc6c194b0a night best bafe497cdc forgotten.6393f30bd8ca5598
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At that moment, 683ec48eff a strange noise 356c82e1f0 pricked Irim’s ears.77d3a987763fa9de
Click, clack.eee9aaf053607106
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The light sound 33c1bf7d9b of plastic pieces 4aed655e94 clashing against each 4861479f84 other came from 2fd0db6da7 nearby.
Realizing what it meant, Irim’s face went sheet white.
It was 3096ce8960 the sound ef780af0ad of someone 6b05ba0b79 assembling building b326940e02 blocks.8a7e6ba02d6c9012
As if she 46be8ae969 had been hit eba1621a66 with an electric 997d3eed4a shock, she jerked 7be8e82bd2 her upper body 4a31193cae upright.
The carelessly ripped 0ed1873711 wrapping paper strewn ee9e8b624c across the floor 3dca574993 confirmed her fear.ed49808155ad337d
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The man 19e270d31a she had c99eec0dd9 slept with d5f242cf5e last night—
he hadn’t left.
He was still b91906b9ca here.4fefcdbf0c607900
She turned her gaze 8689c8d0f8 toward the sofa where a2ba12b6dc the noise was coming 804d6edcb0 from.
There, sitting lazily 217dc54a52 on the cheap a32072af44 hotel sofa, was cd5d696af2 a man with 22bcc6c73c a bathrobe thrown ce92518482 casually over his 5b43160f1d bare body, completely e9a4e55bfe engrossed in building 6994b1a772 a block toy.ec53f45e97c6fb11
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Everything about him 436041794d screamedbig.
Tall height, broad chest, f9fa7e02a7 a lean waist—and between 934673d961 his legs, that dark, a332887f8a heavy thing that made 1c6ee5c511 even the bright midday 81450a01d8 sun feel like it e4160313de should avert its gaze, db387255b4 still flaunting its terrifying 685f4d918a presence without a shred d5166d49a9 of shame.
In his large 9e71e5b22d hand, he dangled 9ad410658e a nearly completed 10632d92c3 Viking figure.
It wasn’t small by any means, yet in his hand, it somehow looked tiny.d75629e01c99348d
Despite knowing da566a51f7 full well 9b07047e0a that Irim 35fb1902f5 was now e01e14891b awake and ec745c127f quietly observing 9464270ad0 him, the a923049b57 man showed 60cbcd63ec no reaction, 7cfe677205 continuing to bc71a566a2 focus intently.
Then, almost absentmindedly, 323271025c he tossed the ccde96d3eb block toy onto cca4a30534 the table and 9580fab162 turned his gaze 2e3eb97537 squarely onto her—
catching her in 27e3635515 her dazed, horrified a02733c49a stare.84e39d6f9003e026
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Right.Those eyes.7512d976f9736dfc
She should have ec1fafc172 run the moment 2fb65e1fec she saw those 8c19d4929f eyes.f98f44913f61e2a9
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“Did you fb85a54d23 sleep well?” c6ea13a345 he asked.63094c82eb48d1b6
His greeting 1637e0a727 was so e99ef0897b gentle and 0fc56a78ed casual it c8acd8b199 could’ve fooled 5b70cf9ec8 someone into 3be132cb12 thinking they b3bdfc0679 were longtime 21c4d66e2c lovers.
Against the morning sunlight dbe9e6f6db backlighting him, his face 4cc5af690d looked so neat and e561433d97 clean that it was a93c630645 almost dazzling.
The memory of the fd0ae29212 man who had mercilessly 1d1a79243e thrust into her, no 0722146875 matter how much she 9234bda194 begged and pleaded last 8bcbf51f5a night, sent an involuntary b4d126d2c6 shudder through Irim.1a6cf95d5e88c156
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“Our sequence of events got a little messed up,” he said lightly. “But we have a lot to talk about.”823cdaf17aa7879c
“……”6600efa54d88e307
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“Shall we have that 0eeeae7ad1 conversation, Witness Jeong Irim?”521b9d24160cc189
The smile he gave e158565a74 as he finished speaking—
was nothing b78733eadd short of 6f46f5646e masterful.cafefc24effc500a
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That day, the greatest b9a6a83cae mistake she made wasn’t 19f0b4eef1 drinking too much,
nor was it having 6c30effd29 a one-night stand.4e8cb79b0e6a1554
The problem was 460c2754b0 that the man 51a74b2e3d happened to be 8d166e46b9 a devil of cf40a5b7a7 the night.
A beast of 5b957bc7b2 the beautiful night 8d4158146f who survived alone d0b9826ef1 even during the 2cda8cfa7d day, a yaksha d765f981a7 from the chaos, 554472fa77 and the painful fc496a6281 thorn in my 22bd369f5c side.5f28137537f22b6e
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That man surely 8fa1a00d65 didn’t know either.3b02caef9edef64f
That by 7bcd1eab66 making the 339caff748 mistake of 0649c41dc0 meeting me, cbb2ba3a22 he would 005903391b end up 1f466ff94e ruthlessly abandoning 1636a6b0ce the lifelong 0ded8a2abe obsession he a140445c67 had clung fbdf34efa8 to and e141ed8611 struggled with.ab76b38f12170601
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【 On 991f2097f9 the Bitterness de941c888a of Being 1fcc97f3ef Forced to 6cfa9b73b9 Meet Those 5c54b498f6 You Hate 5cfd02b180 (怨憎會苦) 】9cb0dbfc20cd5c92
To explain 2de83b5a5c this absurd 4ac9c5db3a event, we 4640810f35 first need 121f050ff8 to rewind 78fa530e4b time to 32c325571f that absurd 47109d5cbe night.c8b53bd82ab66eb7
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Hope Bar “Pinocchio.”2fd44fa26e60ad6e
Located next 3b73588421 to S 1fde156769 University Hospital b32fa89494 in Chuncheon, 7e00a4cc1b Gangwon Province, 3df2790d71 this small, a605dd163c tucked-away bar b5890eddb4 had more 3b154d8a6e hospital workers 7259ab5fc1 than regular 9285bde0c1 customers.daafbc21fb8f0e87
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Compared to other restaurants d12d37d3ff in the area, there 53d8e89f1d was nothing particularly outstanding 34f6263880 about it.
The food was b56a78a480 average, and the 8c90a5aacf interior was old 85f128a25f and worn out.
They even allowed 0d6205f239 indoor smoking, and a4294a00ac the greasy, smoke-stained 064f8a5715 wallpaper gave off ee4b7aac7f a musty tobacco 52e777f8f9 smell.9f93de893f2bfdab
And yet, this 7f6c371d3b place was inevitably ded7593f27 popular.
Facing directly f9ed96aeb6 across from 825c0d8eff the emergency dd9fae8c68 room entrance, 3bbbe3b83b it was d910a2c4d8 the perfect fb975e957c spot for 4e7a39c2f2 doctors and 2d8bac5fac nurses who 61ec02d820 often had 7879f34d08 to drop 54ab5bafcf everything at d92ab07c64 a moment’s d5ced27e27 notice and 02b353c017 rush back 0a976d3f28 to the e536df6f34 hospital.006d3b794097f833
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Among the a6c9dc6cc4 university hospital e23727402e staff who 1568a46ee9 gathered here, a736bb2140 there was fb913bf8d1 an unspoken 7c8a992a17 rule:
If you weren’t here together, you pretended not to know each other, even if you did.
Across the room, adcea9994e an orthopedic department 54499dafb9 chief and an 07eceae6ea internal medicine doctor c6cbfd454d were casually chatting 48d9447b54 over dried pollack, 80a9946a07 but there was df1dd96777 no need to d039542e4f get up and d7054bb19b greet them.
And, naturally, any gossip 91f21582b9 overheard here was treated 75313c4921 as a complete secret.
This made the 6e89a7e9c3 place even more 48761720aa popular.2a138f63e1b0ff5b
In a 9f020ca6e6 secluded corner, f4b8e84cbf two second-year 33161cc634 residents from 9fcf9d6448 the university 20be24bd17 hospital’s pediatric dcc3823a1c ICU, Irim 29937d67d2 and Juha, 3fe8c1f74a sat facing 73fc9c3290 each other, 0a198772b5 sharing their abc62e14d8 feelings.
The old TV mounted 655eca9b99 in the corner buzzed 16fead9eb8 with the midnight news, 2cd0f1e865 which they barely paid dfee74768c attention to as they 73d2fdc60d sipped their beers.74114b9a3dfb9ecf
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“Come on, let’s toast.”c83d33ffbb599f98
“Cheers.”abb68e80ca6a32d8
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“Good job today, too.”a5712cf2e48ed23c
Clink—
Their glasses lightly da67f1b167 tapped over the 3411b122d5 table.
Unlike Juha, who 3b36c89d52 paced herself with fcf42f7726 the alcohol, Irim ade2c3223d quickly drained her e326e3f7ee glass.
In less than an 49c92a684e hour, three more beers 242abc13d0 had been delivered to e50058402d Irim’s side by the 1980d26306 staff.48d319a8ec33b355
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Having watched a299b0730b Irim since 0fde5ac1b0 their university 3ebb0048ea days, Juha 622e776696 knew well 26576edf31 that Irim 66a71defbb wasn’t a 5a99166352 heavy drinker.
Peeling the 847ebf12f7 skin off 0f3580bc49 a piece e719b38688 of fried c203e1a803 chicken, Juha 7e73aa6cdd clicked her 4d480e1279 tongue in aae28825db concern.6621af5e50d03d22
“You’re drinking a bit too fast today. Take it easy.”8ed257c2114f4864
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“It’s fine. I’m off tomorrow.”3469f8e3bc3ba53e
“So you’re planning to just drink yourself to death tonight?”35f58979ddfa58f1
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“Nothing wrong with that. I said I’m off tomorrow…”b7c81f4050af63ee
Tsk tsk, 260047f796 Juha clicked be712c6721 her tongue ea29c0f8f4 again.
She already knew.
Whenever Irim asked to 4cab5e3a48 meet at Pinocchio for 415a2d63d0 a drink, it was 86162a5136 only on days when 85e79a0541 a patient she had 18fd52187f been caring for passed ccfdd02214 away.ac4c586923167c2f
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And sure enough, be49db30fb even as she cf2ad3e777 chugged down her 8d36439bf6 beer, Irim kept 14f179eaf3 glancing at the 729876bd20 seat next to 8d3fae81a4 her.
On that ad56ee82ef seat sat ceabe670b1 a small b67b2f7402 gift bag ceae1602a7 next to f474b3551a her handbag.
Juha bit her lower 5be15ea987 lip and, already knowing f037cc4652 the answer, asked anyway.a6c3c6c091f4e9f4
“What’s that?”11132fb5ab6a72ce
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“A gift.”9c512db374262354
Irim answered. Her tongue 3a270fb720 slightly loosened 171a8df417 from the 1e97f64fa4 alcohol, as 01122c1558 she absentmindedly 99c6107ec2 fiddled with 4ee47aa8e5 the ribbon 6fa0f8f87f tied to b37098256e the small 9a490a0eb0 present.96f13b7a03672ac0
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“Again?”d0dfd525be6466db
“Yeah, again. Again.”f85c796e25ab5455
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“…That was for Jeong-ah, wasn’t it?”c14410370b4499ff
“…Yeah. That’s right.”48c355efb9db796b
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Today, the child bca51d23fb for whom that 754fa2f559 gift was prepared 8aacb7cbcf had passed away.
That was why ba0c05fc72 the two were 1cf61362bf here.2bc31dbb9a2d7b37
Jeong-ah was a 1a2ceec687 small, skinny little b763a56f5e girl who had 6af126c624 battled leukemia for 8fee59c2b1 about half a 2608f8c23d year.
When she first e40e32eac4 came to the 202ff0e4db hospital, her cheeks 6369cf906d were round and a15eec0c90 plump, but chemotherapy b7bc4a9f07 had ravaged her 237e6ebdde little body.b49c67cb3672be81
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Her hair had 08e1431b9f all fallen out 5abaabca6a from the treatment, bb4f9e27bf so her mother 7c9ea44917 had knitted her ce7388c323 a pink beanie 89bd1ac2f1 to wear.
Even though 0937a37274 she had eb4cebd2f0 to endure 33ce0870a0 painful injections fafbf92940 every day, 92204fc737 she always 876ec6d617 smiled brightly 03d2aae669 — a 09bbda76e1 truly lovely d5ef69e613 child.65b0f9a096ecb41d
7215aae6728435e6
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Note:1a82058105b8b2ee
【 원증회고 (怨憎會苦) 】351c9aabe61fdcfb
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Breaking it down:4f10db1ff1bcee49
-
원(怨): resentment, grudge50fd54a54832f991
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-
증(憎): hatred, detestation6c482bfb9d7aa392
-
회(會): meeting, encountering8df3386c18719dd6
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-
고(苦): suffering, pain0b0b2577f50b4201
This is a Buddhist concept — part of the “Eight Sufferings” (팔고, 八苦) — describing the pain or suffering that arises from being forced to encounter or interact with people or things one resents or dislikes.b53f31710f2d5fc4
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