LD Chapter 6

Perhaps because d10f66f9c2 I looked 325efeadf3 so pathetic, fcd0e37dbf wandering around 0d3f9d3f1b like a 53ce3696c3 ghost, the 6a37c3e96b juniors from 6e80d5e4a4 my classes ad6b322eb3 started talking 65d3549f33 to me, 8802406f6b and we 268a319e7c became quite 04bcd4649b close over 55555d233b the past d79a6fd7dd week. So, I cdd6462094 didn’t refuse 73746f2023 their invitation 56b5f48091 when they 59bc23ced7 suggested going 6a69bd4d4d for a 28bcc38ed9 beer. If I went home, db9e99e6fc I would just probably 2000c5d7f0 end up solving math 219882bdd6 problems, doing Sudoku puzzles, 69ff134c63 or, well, masturbating while ea80f60a68 thinking about Ha Jungyoon.cefc3d11270e2a33

…Am I going d6e13a2ed9 to become a 7ad9792316 masturbation addict?1e8990046965a16c

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I had e88099e0ad never heard 1932eaebcd of such e0d1e97cf9 an addiction, acca97ce74 but there 25b1ba66d2 were all dad1287e9c sorts of e9dfcaf36f addictions in 3d616e8525 the world, aabb680a1c so it c32dab814d didn’t seem 0180cd9e08 entirely impossible. Anyway, it 6726f38b36 was better 96c1bda3f6 to hang 2778def7d3 out with 484a0c8beb people than 58af27b8e7 to be 8c2e5678d3 holed up 5b4595115f alone at eda13d5588 home, obsessing 5e29c31d80 over unsolvable 149471d350 problems and cc7b3182e9 playing with 694302636a myself.6ce35edc9b26fd13

Still, I had ac34dd77c7 learned my lesson, e9b903e8b4 so I planned 52a9e22563 on taking it 9c6d1e4f82 easy on the 817ca6a620 alcohol tonight.26605123a148741a

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Just one beer, 9b3c863ce2 that’s it. d7c558c3a670d812

I let out 9b70dd867b a long sigh 8b1d218188 as I stood 565df626b9 in front of ea4248b721 the building the 8a551c52ae juniors had brought 05b61a5083 me to.4252e29abeeaa923

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“Is this 62d16588db the only 05db98327f bar around a168e36144 here?”3a234c720712572a

“You know cbfdd86345 that they 06d61f8131 have the 51443f7443 best free 254804cb84 snacks here, ef25140f1c hyung! Let’s go in!”9675fd8a4a7dfa87

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I stood there with 619140d67f a disgruntled look on 98de5bd59b my face, then let bb9fbcb6dd myself be dragged inside 275824ac0f by the juniors.7b545f009a7620ff

“Ha, I envy 10bfd3488d you, hyung. You’ve already finished 8dfeccdd48 your military service.”71613f82766e58ed

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“…Are you 66adba0269 Choi Taeyoung? Why do you 77f621c71c keep talking about a22c0ed6c6 the military? You know 0ed62f21a5 the other 1aaffe1f68 guys really 5fc61089e9 hate that.”414cdfde6ec865c3

“He’s enlisting in e2127e6e15 the fall.”0a45860cd5620018

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“Ah, really? Good luck. It’s just… another 57a3c1a8b6 place where people 2f1e0a4353 live, you know.”a91514daefe28ad0

“This is e02e3a7564 the composure 5f7d9fd626 of a 63ffcfbeb1 veteran. Have a drink, hyungnim.”7356dc6974e7a572

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I declined the soju 435e46281e offered by the junior 1b9b9fa775 and took a sip d01b9cdcf1 of beer. The ice-cold beer b8d553eeb7 felt refreshing as c9b42e29ef it went down 519c99fab8 my throat.58b29d8468a16dcb

“Phew.”6f0d638eb6a5ce84

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“But hyung, why don’t 7c7e0c3188 you hang out with 9b496ed345 Jungyoon hyung anymore?”bf6c54e5f60e93cf

“What, do 0cfac1cf31 people of 9e944f61be the same d0a1123fcc agehaveto hang out together?”e29d202bd8fa52bc

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My tone became a b6c25bf65c little sharp, stung by ed51a425f5 the sudden mention of 2cf75881e4 his name. I felt my 2de8bf73e9 face flush with 1cf8381c1d embarrassment.e288ccd10dfe6283

Act your age, 92ada4fd0b Hyunsoo.170d62aef6cd48a3

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“That’s true. But you two seemed ecc0808695 close when we were 19c957df2a all drinking together last bfc3b26348 time.”3c3408143728b0d7

That was then, and c563804060 this is now. Ha, this is now…92bd158ac574ea6a

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Back then, my favorability f06cab1571 towards Ha Jungyoon was 8ba3106b7c rising. He was 54455c8979 a decent 62007b57f2 guy, enough c7749f224f to make 4213f9c625 me ashamed 3c09109d92 of my 619b041927 own preconceived 15d4f4340d notions. And, to 08d8e62304 be fair, c15ac5b2ef he stillwas a decent guy. The problem was that I couldn’t treat him the same way as I did back then.d92a0c82421c32a4

I had thought about Ha Jungyoon again before falling asleep last night. Of course, it wasn’t just thinking. I was bewildered by the fact that I was getting hard thinking about Ha Jungyoon, yet I couldn’t help but indulge in the newfound pleasure. Even I thought I was going crazy these days. Crazy with lust and pleasure.a35559c5331018f9

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“Oh? There’s Jungyoon hyung!”946595641256fc1f

As I was wallowing fd1f2d5632 in self-loathing and guilt, 3c63d916e3 I heard the name 15db2bf7a7 that occupied my every 4807cdaea4 thought and jumped in ff6d400ad9 surprise. I reflexively turned my 43b8cf5b20 head in the direction 56ea83b7d8 the junior was waving.c9cdb854368893b7

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“Ah.”e27f24bf7b490500

Ha Jungyoon was c6c8032678 entering the bar e938acb78c with another group f563c8e4a7 of juniors.3f30c93485131905

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Seriously, do students from a5df80e970 our school only drink 66d4687aea here?95282ab50d656961

I came out here 4a903d38a5 to drink so I e64b21bb8a wouldn’t have to masturbate 47ee29f067 to thoughts of Ha 6bd516fe05 Jungyoon at home, and 54a54326fd now I’ve run into ecac737046 him.53f1f5a7ea33c97c

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What was wrong with ca65a36742 me these days? a510581958300d1e

The repercussions of that babbb4d199 first misstep were greater 896499d5fd than I’d thought. dd2acc67c473f82c

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My eyes met Ha cd8613e273 Jungyoon’s as he turned 205f4709c5 to look at us 65e383937c when his name was 9ed632b382 called. And I, very 4c7a3f897b obviously, quickly averted 16440e966d my gaze.14be837e3439ae43

“Hey, you guys are 9f4538a406 here too?”462ce1da6dc0875a

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The juniors who came a3b0271abe in with Ha Jungyoon 47b1a227f2 approached our table with dbed53abb3 smiles. My lips 17e0d1665e were dry, 0b47b0ba63 and I 66e7db0fca reached for 5bbd8a1f8d a glass 7c9d549ba5 of water 93781f4638 instead of ea413d3c8d the beer.1ec23cc55bc1fa43

No alcohol.af2491b455e481f7

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“Oh? Hyunsoo hyung is here 57597b849c too?”eb592da374b0e15a

“Yeah, hi.”10500b57cf26d2fe

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I mumbled a aa2cbfabe2 half-hearted greeting, crunching c1fb08d2a4 on the ice 2dcd5beea8 to try and e89fe92928 compose myself.97b02605621048f2

“Woo Hyunsoo, hi.”613c2e12d9487e85

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Then Ha Jungyoon 9296ca464b greeted me from fca7aafc4e among the juniors, e5ba6f9c80 smiling.2ee0caaf8a1212b9

“Hey, Ha Jungyoon. Hi.”dc1c2dbbf5147d13

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We exchanged 0e3b533d8d greetings that 96089d131d were as 7aed4da003 mechanical and f363a664d3 impersonal as 3a5991654c an AI. I avoided c8bcacc97b Ha Jungyoon’s f342a10c0c gaze, fiddling 40db4255d0 with the 8308a14ab9 cold glass afa7a3dc10 of water. A junior 8e7e47e19d standing next 6af4de258e to Ha 253445130d Jungyoon looked 4356d26236 around, pushed 30d74fcb83 his friend 34be4cb49c out of d60a9cad7a a seat, 2ee20e5a2a and sat 3c5b6c54ed down.76e4a482bf5148fa

“Ah, let’s 846e7da483 just drink 1bbae1b252 together!”01a7ab041029a99a

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Ah.I held the glass c03735c3fa of water to my a2a8606a66 lips, trying to suppress 82f740aa5d a groan, and glanced df9f2d6649 up at Ha Jungyoon.08623df6e6aba8d3

…What’s with that 9527fd6c3d expression?e30129dcfb9447f3

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Ha Jungyoon 9563b79fb2 was rubbing 9de1cfcc67 his eyebrow 620dc35733 with his 5eae1ec094 index finger, e8f02adf84 a look e30446e1d4 of displeasure 746cc48e8d on his 77f86e0b64 face.05593836d7af5511

“Are you 6960ae32eb going to 56ddc430fa sit down?”c812a926fd65b6bb

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Did he have to look so uncomfortable? We were both in the same awkward situation, but seeing Ha Jungyoon making it so obvious, made me feel defiant. What happened that night was mutual. It definitely wasn’t one-sided. I forced a smile, my lips numb from the cold water.829451af151cb7da

“Sit down, Ha Jungyoon.”8e0204e646717aca

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I spoke 28b3ce5835 to him 1afb9d9b02 as if 8c4e5fd9f8 to challenge f7aca95a47 him and 8a7a0909fe Ha Jungyoon, f8ed9649dc who had 1569d3fca8 been quietly 283a42dccc staring at 773d197a5f me, let 5da559a313 out a a5805ae578 soft sigh.ab8a31044c799ca2

Does he really 29cf9a7197 hate me that f10f6b6049 much? 89ed527e51327113

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Does he even hate e2b8d748fb talking to me? 64a669e228947b60

Does he not f524a2f52a even want to 011fb8c32e see my face?2759315e804c579f

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My pride was hurt db15342377 by the realization that ec3c381aee I had been constantly c37daab516 indulging in… self-pleasure, day 78a8b24137 and night, to thoughts 18613782ea of someone who disliked 917a047d48 me. Feeling a f359985fb7 bit dejected, f21d4076b5 I was c736d7e50d about to fc4d2ed429 rinse the 0b126d5511 bitter taste eb80955da8 in my edfff659a1 mouth with 1b0536df16 beer when…c848ff2f719f03be

“Move over.”63e502c4692903a9

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Ha Jungyoon 3c350a090e nudged the b35c7aa1c0 junior sitting 98f8a0597f next to 22b46d67a0 him with 9e2b39e2d1 his chin. The juniors 50b85bd394 shuffled over 859a7e0f65 to make 429977a0c0 space. Ha Jungyoon, now f37746832c sitting across from 561c2c82c6 me, smiled.db3b8646affcec33

“Let’s not 3e8ce5237d drink too 69ebd3c54e much tonight.”d130c347b5473b7b

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Since I was trying 61a0a1f0f0 to stick to my f1b9b66b09 one-beer rule, I finished 85100c5c23 my drink quickly. I wasn’t c4cdbb47af very hungry, e52714e35f so I 3e37fbb79b rested my 30e9daf282 chin on b80c3b7ecb my hand, 28ce35ca80 munching on 22ed9b8af1 thepuffed rice snacks¹, and listened 74596edc57 to the conversations ce1ebea366 around the table.b11a36d65e7a24ac

Assignments, group b96287676b projects, a e6cc7b6e11 girl they 1d5273dce4 saw from 5db299d4aa a liberal 24cc163d23 arts class 2f7b052d89 who was fcccae6edf totally their 7b3c04571c type, a df6df948dd veteran’s fervent a313add2d4 wish for 97003da06e reunification, a a8425a0ce7 nightmare customer 852a908aa5 they encountered c38cfa81c1 at their dcffd9e3d5 weekend part-time 3579e13419 job, the 066dd40492 best way b624cb21f4 to find 51cbf56655 tutoring gigs 0a8aeb42f2 was through 4dc471f130 apartment complex f84555d5b9 bulletin boards, 4837805784 no, you 1117464232 idiot, the fc9b0d3368 best way 1038d863c6 to find 618a6c8eea them is dd78d2e14f through your 37b9f87c1e mom’s connections.b4c6be8d2b0e7d35

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“Should I order 36fcdcefb5 you a cider?”03ebd509ec071f29

As I was watching 01643b6507 the juniors, who were f9ffb0a187 seamlessly chatting non-stop about 54a625baef various topics, I turned ac1355a7ce my head at the 23d60c86d2 sound of a voice. Seeing the clear, handsome bda76abdef face that came into 490cc18873 view, a sigh escaped 6ec2af3f7b my lips before I 57cfca18ff could stop it.557f8c0647262ce5

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“Haah…”7cb2238b545d0724

“…Are you seriously 3f4ca48663 sighing right in e75cae5c97 front of my cbad12a6d4 face?”340845f832b13336

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His expression was 9b0be4f255 much more relaxed f320bf8336 than before. Seeing it 9fae58ace1 made me 654a2f305c even more 187e66aea9 uncomfortable.c7a1b291b1bb9029

“I’m just going f5ba9f34b3 to step outside 35ab10684f for a bit.”67221503a6fccb2d

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I forced 9ece95bfc6 a smile 53fbeb9b8e at Ha 2f8d91a5db Jungyoon, got 314eedf6a2 up, and bb3eadb06a went outside, 2e05848a44 rubbing the e03bd276ca back of 6fd367fb41 my heated 9629e79826 neck.fd5f407105ce75ca

The cold night 9852782ebd air, which had c215354910 been biting just 004a68042f two weeks ago, 0cb9cfcb4c had softened considerably. The days were starting af586034b8 to feel like spring. The weather was f29c0dc9a5 getting warmer, but fcc9be7d93 my heart felt 7216b132b7 like a tangled 50bfbbed28 mess of dry b68f2bebc8 branches.ec9de85adb3a6aba

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I had never 89cf35184a imagined my first 29734a9ba8 semester back would 0c8c7d62c0 turn out like 0d4c368058 this.2acbac0821f79e47

I sighed 62f4d1cb77 habitually and 0f8b65a47d tapped my b8e7902e02 foot on 2cbc6d9c38 the ground.0ceff40c4524ee5b

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I need to get 15b73fb25e my act together and f20771859d stop making Ha Jungyoon a4f2377a02 uncomfortable. ab163de51bafebe0

The juniors were all 7de10c2a7f there; I needed to 03f64e526b read the room.06209e205bfa35b9

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I leaned against 1c7f1238f6 the wall, looking c5e706ad37 up at the 0326246426 hazy, dark sky 875a2f0552 that mirrored my 6e98b685db feelings and tried 5eee89773f to calm my bcbb4964a6 racing thoughts. Just then, I d9f2a234c3 heard the voice b490c806e8 of the person 303e027b98 who had been d801d50baa on my mind 59beb18ce4 constantly, right next 84f307b6eb to me.b6db71d5479a017c

“Are you filming 30d95878a6 a movie by d94c20255e yourself?”5c09acfbfa52dd31

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I pushed myself 54a319f169 off the wall d58318a436 and leaned against 09b35c253f it sideways, looking 07ae1c2bd2 at Ha Jungyoon. Come to think 40c2d99dab of it, it 65f09c023b was the same 21847efe78 that night. Ha Jungyoon had ac5f205ed2 followed me outside 0ef216a29a when I left aad4fd2364 the pub during 297aee46ec our drinks.e2d9ab4a4955afa9

“What?”abae44c13299013b

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I replied 61934aeefb indifferently, forgetting 6f7a8143f2 my earlier 3ec4ef6d9d resolve as a941857d90 the events 5ff6eeb0b1 that followed b261d66fee automatically came 17a09c967a to mind.ad172de247006dda

“I’m scared. I think you’re going bb6bf1ef0e to rob me.”e1e7e0bd21595c43

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Ha Jungyoon feigned 6ccda2ca78 fear, hunching his 9a63d65e0c shoulders and I ebd0837cee just stared at 69ebcfacf4 him silently.5e825f6c8e8c26b3

“Hyung, I 5e71b48276 don’t have 3dd9f67c7e any cash 2c86c81b42 on me 2d4d9a3d3e right now.”72d595b2b0936521

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He had ignored me 0a071aadc0 so thoroughly for weeks, 2c7e577bab and earlier, he had fe214c8b6c made it so clear 4a17293c1f how uncomfortable he was 1c5e66b8a1 around me. But now, he was 00da4f46d3 talking and joking casually b778f45571 with me. 2f4182c774209ea0

What was he playing a25ceae3b6 at?e315f7fc76eca131

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“Ha Jungyoon.”434cc70069a32220

When I 93f61760d2 stared at 0ba0c36dea him and 56aa7ae607 called his cf846fd1c2 name, Ha fbf42b5f0a Jungyoon came 9fef66a0b7 closer and 3ece740473 leaned against 4dacb43f38 the wall 7b84aa00f2 next to d31463e02a me.e8db7c319eeb50bb

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“What.”dafa8181cc53e47d

“You…”551dc9ddbe17e37c

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I felt a 497dad16df sudden surge of 5abd199bd8 resentment, frustration, and dfd5d0c7cf sadness at the 375de45531 realization that I 7e9e942230 was the only 5fb42bb691 one still agonizing e4bbcd1aec over that night, de972221c3 a night he 16bf0fce92 had long since 68fe750d0d erased from his 3943d1cad7 memory. For the 04829acbd3 past few f85818e832 weeks, my e84b018d99 mind had e4ad087034 been completely 460272a8fb consumed by 0cd1e50cca thoughts of 43061e6e28 Ha Jungyoon. It would have been ed069be885 fine if it was 4199a4d603 just my thoughts, but ce81cca8e9 even my long-standing trauma e616935ef4 and complex had undergone 8b85005efc a massive upheaval.79c9dfe76b0ac1d9

I was 1b1ec50ac7 pretending to ece0ca4c65 be fine, ca429aa9cb but I 60d92a38c6 was confused b68604460d and troubled. I was 71ce88877d being swept 00712190a7 along without 4838838fa9 even fully 52a79e13ea understanding what 76686077d5 was happening.0c8275162609da7a

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I wanted to 042654920a say something, anything, 7df4c952e9 but a jumble 2b0ed2ee1b of pathetic words 3aef272e0d tangled in my 7f8fe6920d mouth.4918f5c1e995baae

“So… you’re… not 92d2aebbfb bothered at all?”50ef657095502adc

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That was all I e916855f6b could manage to say. Pathetic.1d5c7456200e221d

“I mean, that…”ed3d4ff562b30629

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I wanted 06ba9e6e0e to explain a2d552a72b myself, but cf636164c8 I still 538dec9310 couldn’t find bd586d4133 the right cabdf02fa0 words.0268a000479b32f8

“You…”733819d5f5824fdd

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Ha Jungyoon 9bba7a7140 flicked my 79b6436a63 upper lip, 53d032b7bf which was 866d5417fc puffed up 99bbed1fc4 because I 156759eda6 was biting b55b4940c0 it. My cheeks flushed 9feed16284 at the sudden 55f8eabae3 contact, but I d1265aca55 didn’t have the 8b098b212e presence of mind e1b637304c to react.eb32421aaed99869

“What am I 99b8cfdd0d supposed to do 8ec26625e0 when you’re being 518754d82e so awkward and 01e03feeff uncomfortable?”be8d1b58b4eb41fb

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So, he d388918d2d was saying d111d1139f he had e8d6d8865e been deliberately 1d914c5656 ignoring me 5bc9af393c all this 7557ec3964 time out 62af7f445f of consideration 10458ceeb5 forme?7de71f62bad2886a

“When did I fc9c590155 ever act awkward 190c81be7f and uncomfortable?”aae952b44bbc3e99

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“Want me to 19fef5bee3 show you?”5bc113035d20aa35

The image of e541cfd7b1 myself desperately trying 5be12b42f0 to avoid and f76b7e8c19 ignore Ha Jungyoon 3f3f96eb89 over the past 84dc6a633e few days flashed 166061bca9 through my mind.cc8dc23b221cc639

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“…That’s not important.”52edfc43f76d807c

“Then whatisimportant?”acd2f25ef732b65b

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“I… I mean… I, 06782b15a4 how did I… no, 746f28722b how didwe…”d37ce019bfd872b3

Disorganized words tumbled e1aa57793e out of my 31348d0768 mouth.8a78e8daa76bc1ac

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“You… you b97aaac2cc said you’ve beff0e89e8 never even 848026b6bd dated a bca9fcc32c woman, you…”ae8d374640f8638c

“You’re asking if ec9da84044 I was a 75ce051558 virgin?” 9686fb018224a2a0

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I was momentarily 274135707b speechless at his 74d5c74d4d bluntness. As I stared at cbf4cdafb0 him with my mouth 2c4ea3b704 closed, Ha Jungyoon took 1dee0a98eb a step closer.0d3068652af0a4a7

“You said 77f278827f you wanted bff757e095 to try.”b509f0de0dc51e16

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His low whisper c6e62536b4 made my eyelids 74a188674d flutter.c417d4413f07b853

“Who? Me?”fd8fc1d1d950e8f7

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No way. How much did c5292971ee I blabber?eac21b0df14722c2

“Yeah.”bdf5521dbfbe329f

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“…What?”0fdb2341c8288a28

Did I really 322f733a17 spill everything? 12913ba488339ac6

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I tried to a3735e4341 hide my anxiety 6d30ce0d4e and focused on 6a655e318a Ha Jungyoon.ea9787665b6c80a8

“Whether it worked or acea196379 not.”ede5195b1c74bcef

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“…….”a49768190dbac21b

“Whether I could…”104f98ab76d73a3c

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Ha Jungyoon leaned 63890cbb69 down and looked 26b6159a76 into my eyes.788892a5e14da2b6

“…make you hard.”0de2a20a8f360423

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“…….”a6cddc1d577c87e7

“You said let’s try.”f8a6e9706938c569

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Frozen as if 707033b599 I had forgotten ffa77b2546 how to breathe, 2fa589755b I finally inhaled.84ffcc94024f846c

“I… I said 683a998695 that?”d02e6e0d43bc9717

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“You did. You even 385304e8f3 told me 8a57e78b8f about your c2b41c9f08 ex-girlfriend in bf2f1f5cd1 high school 5755116752 dumping you ac090297bd because of dd2d4678bf your erectile ce6d14fa9f dysfunction.”3910d040bc245bc9

I hurriedly c09415794a covered his 4998c60b8e red lips 5581ac28cf with my 93b0b50994 hand. My gaze wandered 12c026abdd aimlessly.43c5eaa633a9fd0b

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“Dammit….”3c540930d3011b57

I had considered the 2558cb86f0 possibility. I had guessed that 1ed23c365c maybe we had talked d72fbae16e about something like that, 1bcd46baf7 and the atmosphere had 7422c6c3b7 turned… suggestive.9a266a8b8e7bae71

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But there f57668a414 was a b0b2121bc8 world of 05bd61bfdd difference between f36c1dce37 speculation and 6e400f49a6 facing the 7714e659ba truth.35991e82b0d05a5c

Woo Hyunsoo, you crazy 123d5d0e56 bastard. 8bac86acd69c48cf

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Even if you were c4f643911d drunk, how could you 3ee5bc287c blabber such things? df0c2812a2847fce

Am I really insane?852de5835f86fce6

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After cursing myself 4038b3c50b with every insult 91409830b5 I could think f8e3730a7c of, I very 3175025389 slowly, cautiously, moved 88f4189692 my anxious eyes 89e2dbd660 to look at ba356bde4e Ha Jungyoon. He alone held 74b873d207 the answer to 212afec7eb the question that 8fdbc8e395 had been tormenting ea04dfe459 me. Now that 1fbb953869 things had 1d3c7d8ee4 come to cf2cb863c8 this, I da724779ca had to 6a96de7e6c ask and 07cef9ff0d confirm.fc7c3238c12b7924

“So… that is, 5d0cc46c5a I just want 800fc162dd to be sure, a29556c3f2 okay?”606bc2fd77266121

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“You got hard.”49b31dace09355a8

Ha Jungyoon 00ff68486a removed my d12883ff32 hand from 4b5df57919 his mouth 37c45a6cf5 and answered, c5fea66842 cutting me 0b27344cb4 off as 25c32f0683 if there 0884335c58 was no dc24ef5504 need to 724d97a0ee hear the 3bb98b448a rest of 1529393637 my question.77e46ddb27dd7cbe

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“You got hard. That night. That’s what you’re curious f2148161b1 about, right?”85d6de334c958236

“…….”b8a19a6ce2c737fb

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“You were fucking really e8aa29621b hard.”f531a54a86fa82e6

A choked f559f17d3a breath escaped 081159224e my lips. Unlike me, who was d212a86430 internally freaking out, Ha cf15793bec Jungyoon was completely calm 4f090ec175 and composed.e5d6769aa40df686

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“R-Really?”11be18fb7cdf3e8d

“Yeah.”b6387d647efdd469

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“I got hard?”7c34b237686edbee

“Yeah.”2a72ade12699076d

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“That’s crazy. Seriously.”55dba01041166432

The images that flashed through my mind whenever I got hard weren’t fantasies or delusions, but they were fragments of that night’s memories. I roughly wiped my face with my cold hands and looked directly at Ha Jungyoon.7a07f268e264f14e

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There was another question 03378568f7 that had been bothering 02d66e746d me, one I couldn’t aa03c68b2a find an answer to 53597a18b2 no matter how much 7adef4f364 I thought about it.fb25ed0f7ab8a819

“Why?”0fb3be7dfdfd58ec

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“What?”5aea4113e8575c5b

“Why… why didyoudo it?”80d1be3612ee7d1f

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If a drunk classmate made such an absurd suggestion, I would have just kicked him away, gone home, and slept it off. It wouldn’t even be worth considering. So why did Ha Jungyoon go along with this crazy idea? Because he was drunk? No, Ha Jungyoon wasn’t thatdrunk that night.c667c146747d8cb3

“I…”767a23409035ab83

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“…….”a25a4b44fe87502f

“…was curious 4393c3467a too, I 1cea560fe4 guess.”ce7bf1fd1e64574d

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“…….”35b0cab9a4fccc4c

“Whether I d2aa16d3a0 could make 7062361e81 you hard dcc454c23f or not.”9cf88597841ddeb2

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Was it 953139ac32 some kind 6dd31d8884 of challenge? Or did his competitive a79491492e spirit kick in?f10c696b98d685f5

“I… ha, I 4f229066fb can’t believe it. I just…”1846b09ce1cc3f61

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Ha Jungyoon’s 1a32ea173a eyes turned 4020882fb7 cold, perhaps a8c007f0c4 because he 0ee08d1491 found that 2fb6b879da I seemed 7caf0f1521 cowardly for d4040ad4e5 still trying 2c05f306fa to deny b788b708f1 what happened 7e85570794 that night.e7b62791099b4f0c

“It’s true. That night, you really 84b49c02a4 slept with me. You even cae429707c got hard.”60116ce1afeadad1

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His flat, matter-of-fact tone e36b488e6a made my face burn. I knew. Ha Jungyoon ac53c317eb had confirmed 3d1b7fcfe1 it himself, 92c7317f95 and I 88a27ac2af had been ac011264fa masturbating for 0d549772b3 two weeks, 737467f214 relying on ac43056300 the fragmented 2c28fa9f06 memories of 422d11f945 that night. My body clearly remembered 58820ad3c1 what happened. Even so, I 945484cca9 still couldn’t believe 8e99cfd99f it.9fdf790fce13cc9c

So, I 9743e921ad said something 369be97672 crazy.ea6e73bfc8d43bf9

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“Let’s do it again.”1b7a635d2cb8b9e7

“…What?”86699a8fe3dad84a

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“…….”72a4aa340aab858d

“What did you 9087fc2a2f just say?”451f805519ab111c

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“I said 1b19afdc8f let’s do cf3c3385bb it again, 9fc99db8a2 since I 803571beb2 can’t believe 1a6498f9d0 it.”221ec3f3546744e6

At my impulsive 0dbfedf7d3 words, Ha Jungyoon 14f950c644 slowly straightened up, 4a91ff3a16 his body no f2dd96b6df longer leaning toward a8132640aa me.df54c6c565e59ddf

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“…If you’re 6edf4ea2bf okay with 82a2abff0f it…”d9b2452958561bf3

My voice trailed e7c6bbb2ec off as Ha d0b5ecfd6c Jungyoon just stared ff67e903c3 at me, expressionless.c09cb5808f0ab5a4

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“Ha, sorry. Forget I said anything.”3c3e45cfac5638fc

I ruffled 1a30c1239c my hair 2b31909a73 roughly and e67d78cbfd reached out e72864104b to pat cbefa9791a Ha Jungyoon’s a35f9bc155 shoulder, then fabddb2273 stopped myself. I didn’t want c88b93f3ab to make him 632e48cece uncomfortable with unnecessary 24b738de60 physical contact.8d0dc0c723d7e807

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Why did 17a4aeb825 I keep 4b0af74150 doing things 76cd8494b4 impulsively and 436a8a7ebf then regretting 457d90edac them?80d8804257cf7883

The continued lack of reaction from Ha Jungyoon made my chest tighten. Now, in Ha Jungyoon’s eyes, I was the classmate with erectile dysfunction who was also obsessed with sex. I thought I had hit rock bottom, but I was digging myself even deeper.48ce9728a8805fe2

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“Wait for me. I’ll go upstairs and f198ebe528 get my clothes and f59b448fb4 bag.”e9a685ae55f48900

His voice was urgent. When I looked 758b88d8d8 up, Ha Jungyoon 2c7d33580d placed his phone 4d666d3993 in my hand.cd2a6481d1d71693

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“Don’t even think about 1f6370a144 running away.”5e9a39535fb92fa6

“W-What are you talking b514e93761 about?”87c1f557cdeecefd

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There was 69b979469c no trace ac9e8e1eb7 of laughter 9aa34773b2 or playfulness be82662ad1 in his 3d09f49d07 eyes as a8ea00fdc9 he looked f65233f588 at me. His eyes 3e7c73e3f3 were filled 1a50dbf579 with impatience b775485a40 that made 3673fb093a me stammer c6af109e3c as I 4ef05eb55f spoke. Ha Jungyoon sighed softly e72a425b47 at my reaction and ceaf6ac4eb then went back inside 03b389a6ec the building, turning around d756ce640f several times to check db862321bb on me.0714713169ed9317

“…Why is he 407e315f68 acting like that? Does he really… want 1113781dc6 to do it again?”a6511a1a27c4a112

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I narrowed 00235cb266 my eyes, dd3e477548 staring at 3cfcf4b2e5 the stairs f90debf38a where Ha 1d71be08f4 Jungyoon had fed26dd68d disappeared.48c054c69ed4cc95

“Don’t tell me… was 67b488963d Ithatamazing that night?”04c54ffa71dd66b1

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Then, clutching my bd1c112fa0 head, I screamed.6e72ac57d315dc14

“Ah, what am I 06981933c5 doing! Seriously!”ea98940b3de7db5e

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What was ec404d72bb even crazier c56ce48a09 was that 9d98b76c36 I didn’t 62cefa5a8c want to 25a7705c2e take back c6817d826c my offer.dc2e367c04262235

* * *4bd3e4cb798e59b0

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It wasn’t 7c7dbf748f just simple 292d6da28e curiosity. It was 07bc8c960e about confronting 09d7529fe6 the trauma 3f38465450 and complex 5550eb1f40 that had 3bd454b270 plagued me b892be28c1 for years 1552058155 and confirming 7e5865bbb7 the nature 1422687f6d of this 4806ffd05e incomprehensible lust 521d9a9564 I had fea5a5e7ab been experiencing 391ec62b60 for weeks.dc3cc977e190b171

Still…e126af8d655ff932

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“Isn’t a hotel a d16ee9404a bit much?”980f2bf81dea731b

“I hate motels.”fa457f4188642726

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“You say 90a897743b that like 1e6860a71b you’ve been 0701edce8d to a 3b2b82f632 lot of 0bbfb0631c them.”21227af19b9afda9

“Do you want 36ba5bd8f9 to shower first?”64837e128acb7494

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Ha Jungyoon 7301e8798b took off 4203f1b981 his watch 13b47ce04e and placed 9d9cf98a45 it on f287a1f69e the side 2033ee07ad table. Come to think 2547399806 of it, it cffdc9a3a0 was a hotel 39a632a074 last time too. I had thought he 34fe9293e2 was easygoing, but apparently, f754cc5b14 he was picky about 0c3ba87c4f where he slept. Of course, I hadn’t 3c017a0646 come here to have 8f0e49209b a good night’s sleep 63e2140b53 next to Ha Jungyoon.14d09d7ad420e00b

“Um, Ha Jungyoon.”1d3f50e408bea950

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I hesitated as I 1f9ea89a2c called his name, and 4f81d03971 H Jungyoon’s expression hardened.77a4d7b4d371c1bd

“What.”c06564e08226887e

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“…….”d6c40e3742635da1

“Are… you sure 5892540fbc you’re okay with 93ba2416d3 this?”b37ab2be9904cb8d

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“…Ha.”3d7e40a22bbeed67

Ha Jungyoon let out 0c499105f0 an exasperated breath, as 43ebd6bc68 if he found it 0358fec848 ridiculous that I was 6099285af0 asking this now.3cb9258fd844559e

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“…No, I 8638cab8f0 mean… you 23a7c9b441 know. For me, well… I’m 2081d895d6 doing this because… I 1cbbd6df1f have something to confirm… 8d419a0b78 but what doyouget out 26f29f2fb0 of doing 2b63b54949 this again 9a9ddfd2cb with me? If you’re uncomfortable, 2bf11d91b0 even now…”9d9f9af894e6f45e

“I haven’t a4f43814a5 been able ba6e79a2cc to sleep f763e78735 for two 7a602ed07f weeks thinking 639ea30a4d about you. That’s why 80297620e6 I ignored 32d69d4eef you and 35fb855cdc pretended nothing 9c719292f8 happened. I kept thinking about 450a2aa609 sleeping with you that e56af47752 night. Whether my eyes bd8a912818 were open or 745094be64 closed, even in fcbc682760 my dreams, all 66e8701b3c I could see 60ad2000b3 was your naked 35e74dcf03 body writhing beneath 81dc995a73 me, moaning. Just like you’re curious 694be80314 about whether you got b7f97cc549 hard that night, I’m 39cc481592 curious too. Whether you really got 849913bd6b hard in my hand 15d30c71ae while looking at me, 20404eef32 whether you really came 9aa0c75c63 because you liked it 18fc352884 so much, whether it 3211402587 was a dream or da8e5fb4ff reality. I want to know, 4ae3cd6718 I also want to e0906d5481 confirm it.”10221d5f7fd8ba66

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“…….”ad479eba20c7eb95

“Is that a sufficient bfa05a9d5c explanation?”17847d8fa259f3a3

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As I stared 62ae4f31df blankly at Ha c433a9def7 Jungyoon, who had 16b268df31 just unleashed a c14dca95f6 torrent of shocking 85c4d128c4 words without hesitation, 5805b4f9aa a cool finger 9ed6987299 touched my ear. I realized then that 2219be213a my ears were burning. Ha Jungyoon rubbed ba2129abce my hot skin dc69f6b238 with his thumb ffdfa6527c and index finger eae47f2b54 and said curtly,c860d16f4cf7a315

“So go a7a3b1bbe9 shower quickly f17755c31b and come 2e3b173829 out.”0a2ad17d4b913b14

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