LCEH Ch 3

“Are you out of your mind? You’re determined to kill my child! I knew this would happen. I knew it! You devilish bastard who doesn’t even appreciate the grace that raised you! You should never have been born!”59e604653f078d1a

I could endure my mother and father treating me coldly. It wasn’t my fault, but my existence was akin to a sin. But my younger brother shouldn’t have done that. I owed my brother no debt, nor had I sinned against him.461347b10578d24c

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—I was too young back then, I didn’t know things would turn out that way, brother.07b3fcf4506cc336

At the irresponsible 7daf910bdb excuse, my vision b29585197b turned into a e91d617565 television with a 6d54fea7ab lost signal. I closed my eyes, 273bac9e7b dizzy.513ced36e89aa3bd

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—I regret it too. I know it’s hard to forgive me right away. But brother, can’t you at least give me a chance? On my birthday, please…4f52dbda7b9cddc2

“Don’t you think it’s too late?”0546c87b7dae771d

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After he even robbed 5417d16b9e me of the pretense fe5d284b82 of a family.fe7ef17b6e3cb1fd

“If you’re sorry, then don’t ever contact me again.”286b2b20ac3a8e3f

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Unable to overcome my anger, I threw my phone. Whenever I realize I’m alone, phantoms and auditory hallucinations invariably find me. The displeased expression of my mother and the sound of her clicking her tongue.60e91bede346634a

‘…’4c3e6ff0eb5c4db4

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But this time, I couldn’t hear a thing. The man’s two hands were covering my ears. The man, who had approached me at some point, pulled my head into his embrace.0800d6334010cf1d

“Don’t cry.”4e0e6e6669fdb45c

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I wasn’t crying, but I didn’t deny it and simply leaned my head against the man’s body. It wasn’t enough. I needed a slightly deeper consolation.03520653d14d924e

“Not something like this…”a3c3058994ac7b9b

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I pulled my face away from the man’s body and lifted my head. A faint warmth permeated the man’s gaze. Even though it was a look I was seeing from him for the first time, I felt a very slight, inexplicable sense of déjà vu.b3439b053aeff14a

“Kiss me.”de176c1429675e0e

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The man, who had e041130d16 promised to obey my 160bd96700 words, silently lowered his f84913b531 lips. Unlike when I had fe72864d81 tried to steal a 88ef2d19d1 kiss on my own, 9a0176b18f the man skillfully parted 0c2fef4b29 my lips and entwined bf720f8356 our tongues. Clinging to the man, 71a856b4da I suddenly realized.1a1d74ad6e2ebf55

That the man’s kiss was similar to my dead lover’s kiss.5ae01efde6bc86d6

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∞ ∞ ∞b191d8562345f412

Red water, like rusty water, poured out from the hose connected to the washing machine. I don’t know if what I put in the washing machine was a blood-stained towel or my lover’s corpse. Even after washing them three times, I pressed the towels, which still had faint brown stains, firmly into a garbage bag.d6f1ea2feaea70a8

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To live with c2e057d16b the man, rules 761a9ee61b were necessary. In the living room, 2e53f16399 which was empty without 265a95bce9 a sofa, I sat 814f59d5df next to the man 15f1f09ec2 who was watching television 1f9746ddf4 and made a few 85db93bc19 requests.af21eb39edf69d10

Do not go 3280dae4d2 out alone. Do not open 6888b29a01 the door for 8c963d3b5f anyone. And.7c35a6fb37f5e16a

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“You must not eat anything other than what I permit.”817df965b7227de6

I thought he would at least ask why, but the man lowered his eyes as if thinking about something for a moment, then nodded his head like a well-behaved child. The man’s brief hesitation made me anxious, so I re-emphasized in a firm tone.9414004ba98e0d6b

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“Absolutely not. Eating people is a crime. So… it’s a bad thing. Do you really understand?”567ab26e715d7065

“I won’t eat.”9840db4f7aaca87e

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This time, the answer came without a hint of hesitation. While I was contemplating what else I should teach him, the man’s gaze returned to the television that was on. At the familiar narration, my gaze also turned to the television.b2c46cbf44835c06

『Some insects 08e7f93887 are known e680059a2a as predators 4d92d203c4 that cannibalize f42c26134c their own 127ad01084 kind. Praying mantises and f5441fd918 spiders, in particular, 0c7ad83b7e often eat their 8fa9231c26 partners not only cae5505fc8 after mating but 8be3e265d4 also during the 4eb286107d act.』aeccc6cf5177b0a7

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A female praying mantis, shown in a large close-up on the television screen, was eating the head of the male during mating. Even while being devoured by the sharp, multi-pronged mouth, the male’s mating continued. The female moved her thin antennae here and there, steadily using the male as nourishment for reproduction. The unfocused eyes on her inverted triangular head were terribly heartless.3cd3df3259e4211c

The man was staring intently at the utterly repulsive scene, whether it was the male, crazed with reproduction and unaware of his own death, or the female, devouring her mating partner. Whatever the man’s true identity was, as long as he had a human form, the place he had to live was society, not nature. Thinking it would have a negative influence on the man in many ways, I quickly called him.85cebe4796d8f07d

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“Nabi.”e6859a4e655d44d1

Even though it 6dff2c9a3c was the first eeeaa02c49 time I called 2202254cc9 him that, he 23797a07fe recognized it at 0032cc1572 once and looked a1f2eaae57 at me as ec38f291d7 promised. Seeing his submissive eyes, cd7c814f28 unmixed with impurities like 6f8834a832 dissatisfaction or inferiority, a 36c57bf2f5 thrill shot down my 6619f3c3cc spine.d33c4262058192ad

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“We were talking. You should be looking at me.”f53417f60db563ce

Having said bdd9e143ac it myself, 9abd5ebcf5 I was 4d9c4f661e startled. Though packaged 1d6ab9d250 in a 7405b734c7 gentle tone, abacd19910 it was 0e2af64be0 a command. Do I ac1956e5f1 want to dc7abdd084 tame this 60dc23dc17 man?1d546e7069df3864

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No, that’s not right. I corrected my thoughts. For the man’s sake, I had to tame him.88f6a5762d74eaa2

“Stop watching television, want to go outside for a bit? You must have felt cooped up staying inside all this time.”34a2d2874a5ee8f2

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An impulsive decision was 84e785eec3 made. I needed 8ffe739d66 to confirm ed8c13c20a whether the 5ffa447816 man could a3ac773f7a follow my b873268b30 words and 8cec70c778 blend in ee91bf0b47 with people b7e67d0508 normally. This time 95f1eab948 too, the f6ba134242 man nodded 64a8edb3f2 his head 17048712ae without any ba512a1e67 hesitation or 120504ff5c suspicion.e96c133aae5a8561

I took clothes from my lover’s closet and dressed the man in them. The man, clad in clothes that fit well, was so beautiful that I wanted to overlook any minor flaws he might have. I sincerely hoped he would appear that way in other people’s eyes as well.a9f6482f65382b42

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After simply preparing to go out, as we were about to leave, I found a delivery box rolling around in the corner of the entryway. It was an item I no longer needed. I tore the shipping label that read ‘Infant’s Pure Cotton Bib’ to shreds and threw it away outside the apartment complex.94fdef51c8e78169

It was my first outing with the man. It wasn’t that I had set out without any plan. I took the man, who was quietly walking beside me, on a walk around the apartment complex, telling him what was in the vicinity. The man, who had been listening silently the whole time, turned toward the mart naturally when I suggested we stop by, so I stopped explaining.d1e3f795dcf3497c

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What we immediately needed 56ade57d0d were new towels and 3a24260674 underwear for the man e9372ceac7 to wear, so instead e5aa0a3c28 of a cart, I 0fe95b5e13 picked up one of 393f165646 the provided shopping baskets. The man suddenly 4069f1e83c held out his 7f653aebed hand.371603b6352ed5fa

“Give it here. I’ll carry it.”8baa03dd69179ed2

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Flustered by the unexpected 9f3ced5c3f offer, I hesitated, and 7f2e2bfa2b his large hand took b859370b94 the red basket. I awkwardly clenched 7948b3b00c and unclenched my 2768b1b83a now-empty hand. Somewhere in my stomach, 1cbae5528d an unscratched spot felt 9d20e09b20 itchy.d188c3a0eb5db399

As he dd5b824daf navigated through 42fe70f769 the people ae7e298300 quite skillfully, 587d36da5c passing gazes e7ad87f9d7 would occasionally eec2562f93 rest on d89dd4f848 the man. Most lingered for a d3f6968f1a moment, and even after 0414ed4e41 they fell away, they 59638ee453 would stick back on 44c41de74f him. I observed 4089bafa27 each and 4f2b2afd8f every one eb1cc2927b of those 8203c58440 gazes. Eyes that were d7ef9a7693 admiring his uncommon 4aa4b976b1 appearance or showing b133f08bfa curiosity. After confirming that 6ba69ed665 there was no 338cf46a5a wariness or fear 4d390c5e75 among them, I ff84336bc3 was finally relieved. The man, too, b7eff0f2f6 was uninterested in 5849b0bcb1 the blatant stares fe133ee336 directed at him.44100c02b1c37149

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The man quietly followed me around, and whenever I picked an item, he would present the shopping basket as if he had been waiting. When I said, “Thank you,” he would smile, pulling up the corners of his mouth with a gentle face.ffca4378496df553

Who would 63b1fa2b72 suspect a 1a0d5e938b man like 617c0f6386 this? I gained the confidence 63d9fd0860 that if I just af102a68cd taught him well, I 720981b7e8 could make him live 139a7126d0 like a completely normal 0bc2140f0e person.25a9fa49401f1b1e

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Lastly, as we passed by the butcher’s corner, I casually asked the man.ef1d42123d0e3947

“What about meat?”d8a3fdf256154707

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The man shakes 998a027ac3 his head from 09eef9ab89 side to side.eb40cf2ec0c10a5d

“I don’t need it.”fea6257215df497e

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At his cool reply, my heart grew heavy again. Because saying he didn’t need meat didn’t mean he didn’t have to eat.7c58c1dca7e0d473

“Right. Then you’ll need something else.”0f20a89b76ae7a4a

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With the 0d6fda2324 man following 8e0f677c5e me like e681d244e1 a tail, 695024d0ac I entered fb891cb2bc the housewares 2f4b3bbe2a section, which 63ca75e774 was not 06ad9df90e in my a1406227fc plan. At the very end 512c7d8385 of the aisle, the 3c87b0f52c items I was looking e85d38a614 for were stacked up. I picked up f553d1ce6c a bundle of 6c68abab2e transparent, durable plastic 3411e69fda with a name 9a2f72cbc0 tag that read d6bc5e0e3d ‘Multipurpose Large PE 69451401c9 Vinyl Sheet,’ then 48658014d1 paused to think. It seemed dd1982ff3b I would 5b6253fe99 need two. As I 959990764b turned around 13c7e370f9 with one 34a58a0a9b tucked under 8b9a08b123 each arm, 29cbb464f7 the man e03a072ce2 asked with 25a42aff44 a childlike, f2b9ad4ef8 innocent face.a1eb92d086acc3a4

“What’s that?”ad2b1398b474eecc

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Even though he seemed to know everything, it looked like there were still many things to teach the man. Brushing off the question with a smile, I gently pushed the man’s back.57fa33cf21f071d2

“Let’s go home.”1ed8d72900e5a280

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The phrase ‘Let’s go home,’ which had slipped out inadvertently, had a warmer nuance than I could have imagined, and because the man smiled and nodded his head upon hearing it, I felt as if everything would turn out just fine.7b775da960dd4250

After having grilled beef for dinner, which I was slowly getting tired of, I quickly emptied a can of beer. It was an effort to not be conscious of the changed man, but it wasn’t very effective.a5ffd97437441155

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Unable to even lie down on the bed, I paced around the room, waiting for several minutes for the man who had gone to wash up alone. The closed bedroom door opened and the man entered. Like a thief who had secretly entered someone else’s house, I was startled and looked back at the open door. But water was dripping from the man’s wet hair, soaking his t-shirt.317ff574749e2ff4

“Your hair…”05c3f6d9ee03622e

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The man c241160fac seemed to 0a835949bb not know 25c1f73c41 what the 8c049a1ce5 problem was. It appeared 2eeb3ae416 he was 70a0b2b9e6 still clumsy 7323ea5df4 at drying ed18dd67be himself. I pulled 1fcdc8a486 the man, a455145a9f who was 904375653b standing blankly, df368a66ae and had c74874e708 him sit 925315e274 on the 34ec3f3465 edge of 2514948150 the bed.1ed220a207e9532b

“You’ll catch a cold. You have to dry it well.”cb231e54eff6a100

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I wasn’t sure if a man who wasn’t even human could catch a cold, but since there was no one around to challenge me, I figured it didn’t matter. I brought a hairdryer and dried the man’s hair. Watching the man who was quietly entrusting his head to me, I suddenly realized that, aside from the fact that he could now talk, not much had changed from before. I felt ridiculous for being so tense for some reason.b47854862bd5b802

“There.”36c95aa1cb48c661

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From his fully dried 37001fddf6 hair, a slightly different 8eab792e56 scent mixed with the 3823175a6a smell of the shampoo 65d9e5b771 I use. The fragrant and e84d75fe5c pleasant smell relaxed ffb5aad82c my tension, and 3d2830b9e8 the buzz from 944faeb159 the alcohol rose 862c2a361b pleasantly. The texture 12487cb48b of his 5975f3e485 hair flowing afdebf42ac through my 1f0f157755 fingers felt 9dedf01906 good, and dd2feef9ce after I 62dc92d93b combed through 8ffbeaa423 it with d363fb4c06 my hand 147d9a017c a few 8d939471d4 times, the c0c7f039ad man lifted 9442bf0021 his head.2a5e95febd47f949

“Thank you.”8e09f94da6de1974

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“For what, just for drying your hair…”60d2691ba2afcbad

The man shook his head as if that wasn’t it.6df616ed8ce13766

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“For accepting me.”3e9a73ededfd521a

I hadn’t expected the man to say something like that. Unable to resist the impulse at the sight of his pretty, smiling face, I grabbed both of the man’s cheeks and pressed my lips against his. Even with a light kiss, where lips silently pressed against lips and then parted, my heart pounded. I was curious about the changed man’s reaction. But the man, without a hint of surprise, just looked up at me with the same face as before.52a75fe355c0659b

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Is it that he still doesn’t know how to express his desires, just like he doesn’t know the common sense of having to dry off after washing?3456024bec88e341

Swallowing a regretful sigh, I carefully caressed the man’s white nape with my palm, observing his reaction.639a0093631f5c7e

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“Does this… feel bad?”f2998f5eea60dc54

The man b04cfacff0 silently shook 4226ac9456 his head. I fumbled around bd70390d25 his prominent collarbone e7a9b97862 over his cotton 64ac897b0e t-shirt, then stealthily 888df59ad6 moved my hand 253c537b4b down to his ea06e98078 firm chest.2daebd6a31fd0251

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“How about… now?”e64b871f447749ad

“It’s okay.”82656994795b188a

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I took that as permission to do more. I slowly pushed his firm, broad shoulders, and the man, after resisting for a moment, leaned his upper body back as if he had understood my intention. Fumbling with the man’s waist, I placed one knee on the bed. Then, I asked the man who was leaning back at an angle.842697dc52f7def7

“Nabi. Shall we kiss?”80c5e3ef6628f9e6

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At my words, the man, who had nodded his head slightly, was the first to press his lips against mine, which had been a finger’s breadth apart. Our tongues and breaths naturally intertwined. I pushed my hand inside the man’s t-shirt and savored his smooth skin.89b42d8d296f75cd

The distinctly male body, covered in elastic muscles wherever I gripped it, filled my grasp satisfyingly. However, the man only kissed and made no other movements. Feeling a sense of incongruity, I pulled my lips away, and he was just breathing quietly with a face like a child who doesn’t know what to do next. I glanced down; the front of the man’s cotton pants was bulging enough to seem erect, but as far as I knew, that was purely his pre-arousal size.55698ecb33af841d

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“Haah…”8787f7c5c10c4621

Even my empty sigh was hot, but the man was either impotent or simply didn’t know how to get aroused at all. I leaned my forehead on the man’s shoulder in dismay. The harsh reality that I could only use this body as a mere cushion was disappointingly tearful. What could be the problem?f089697c0c9c4844

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“You said you were grateful to me.”96c6b1143487f3c3

“…I am grateful.”1b070f9c85107ddd

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There was one sure and only way to repay the favor, but I didn’t know where or how to start teaching him. He learned other things on his own without me telling him, so why on earth didn’t he know the most important thing. The man still had an innocent face. I cooled my head, tasting a mix of self-loathing and disappointment.dc817953282cbe6d

Am I in any da2668ae95 position to criticize the 87e4baa4e6 male praying mantis?3475d940f5d1deeb

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“Let’s just sleep.”69cd085846e6be65

After composing myself by stroking the man’s hair, I turned off the light and lay down on the bed. The small rustling sound of the man turning towards me was particularly loud.28df7c02a8128a62

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“Sleep well.”c15812039de19086

In the darkness, the man’s pleasant voice and agreeable body scent tickled my senses. Drowsiness washed over me like a lie. Through my sinking consciousness, I heard the man murmuring.eefbf49b11801363

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“Just wait a little longer.”8de1831864f76b9e

I fell asleep, missing e6e9fa1038 the end of his 2df014dbb6 low whisper.08c4b23b3b1a0260

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∞ ∞ ∞3c98853594dbeb21

As the days went by, the man found it harder to be apart from me. He didn’t have many expressions to begin with, but before I left for work, in front of the door, he would always have a mournful face. They say people who live alone and have a dog suffer from guilt every morning, and that’s exactly how I felt right now.44b73d8efa4988d2

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“You’ll come back early, right?”34f8b2265a2f642b

“I’ll be back by seven, no, six-thirty.”677dc3cddb06f011

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“Come back quickly. I’ll be waiting.”a46e14ab38d0563f

Truthfully, I was 65239e7600 no different when a90a932b51 it came to 95886b7b15 finding the time dc3c258d54 apart difficult.c732afb404e18206

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“I’ll be back quickly, so don’t cause any trouble and be good.”45f4987403cfe18b

I pressed my lips firmly onto the sulking man’s forehead and then pulled away. Only after confirming his face brightened a little did I move my reluctant feet and leave the house.9dd9a57106fff581

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Even when 4443480260 I try 80eeb4447d to hold ba1ba9ec79 it back, 18373334cc the corners 077227d086 of my 7bf45a078d mouth keep a538978ba9 turning up. I wonder 174f333ffb if having 2af388792b someone waiting 61e20117cb for me 434f49294a at home 8a49efa411 was always 64ef3e66d9 such a 935beebf2b pleasant thing. While waiting b7aebbd8a6 for the f1d67d3750 slowly ascending d2db71baec elevator, the 318d2f7e28 front door 73daa1efa5 of the 6d34e6ec93 next apartment 89b2e1040d opened.fef753db8b03fd26

“Young man next door, heading to work?”7abc2f5729520fb9

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“Yes. Hello.”c910fee135b6b58b

“Mhm.”460395eb95ff3fcd

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The old woman who 076fa8f7b9 received my bright greeting becd088a01 smiles awkwardly. The old woman 8e39c5a201 and I got 20a2f431cc on the elevator 94fee688a0 in turn. Inside the elevator with 0f9f3fe867 nowhere to run, the 7c6bc20591 old woman blatantly glanced 187f281a69 at my face. I pretended c7d85239dc not to ef79b81d68 notice and eeabcb084a silently watched 1a88326c85 the descending 7822bf6988 numbers.fa81d4433f1353e4

“Looks like something good happened.”d24a4830ce8bcea2

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“…Do I look like it?”d0977bef894ab6a1

I sheepishly brushed my cheek. Since I didn’t have my guard up, the old woman turned her body towards me and actively tried to start a conversation. I stealthily checked the number. 25th floor. Still a long way to go before the door opened.95cb6cc91f97f3f3

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“When I saw you last time, your handsome face looked so unwell, I was worried something had happened.”6ca8e309b41fd2ef

“Ah…”20eeebadbdd831e9

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It was a memory I didn’t particularly want to recall. Noticing my darkened mood, the old woman’s voice gets even louder.6f969a1b60d4216f

“Oh my, I was too nosy. My son passed away to heaven when he was just about the young man’s age. You seem just like my son, that’s why. I’m sorry.”7aeb1c7212e517bd

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“It’s alright.”c4fd1f4ab9f83ed2

The old woman d38353949c wiped her wrinkled 8ad7b1a272 eyes. I felt 098d561622 suffocated, as cf46fefa96 if someone 05333b4452 had sucked 69393ff572 all the 76fa1ddf63 air out 13e5aea996 of the d2e60d9ac0 elevator.05b04b94075429c9

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“Just two men, are you eating well without a woman? My house is just two old folks, so we don’t have anyone to eat, but I have a heavy hand so there are always leftovers. If you need any side dishes, just let me know.”199241ecc3fecf83

“No, it’s okay.”949e9b8a142d5703

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“No need to be modest. I have something important to tell you, young man, that’s why.”f0f643f5375053c4

The old woman, b56ab91123 mistaking my sincerity a599b3b320 for politeness, insisted 24060da19a on bringing side 9d72b77441 dishes. It was c69fc6e87b obvious from 74e4ec161f herわざわざlooking for 11302afb84 a non-existent 3f5640901e woman that bfe3f0aa49 she was 3e11a03813 planning to 29322b5155 use that 49ef9efe15 as an 8c8557194c excuse to ff2922e874 come to 439d69f947 my house 6928d2a791 and talk 5d2306a0e0 about a 237259ef5a blind date.a39e08577280f473

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Fortunately, the door opened before a cramp could form on my smiling face, and after a brief goodbye, I got in my car. I hoped the persistent old woman wouldn’t visit my house while I was away and run into the man.ca62f16102fdfb94

Come to think of it, isn’t it about time for the man to be getting hungry? I fell into thought without even starting the car. It was impossible to keep feeding him people. A long tail is bound to get caught.f240e0e0457ef662

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For now, I should 182f6ec24d try giving him a 77e53b3a6f live animal. A dog or a b52750aace cat is a bit 8241f8bfec much, but a chicken c41ce80dc5 would probably be suitable.d830f76da8e4532c

Yes, a chicken would e8e0ed92e6 mean no guilt and a3bef49054 a clean aftermath. With a much lighter 55e678afe9 heart, I started the a51103cee4 engine.e94ccaeef6bdb25e

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“Mr. Kim, are you feeling better?”92af29f92ad2aba1

It was Assistant Manager e6039af04c Ye.6ae47c48d2065419

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“Yes. I’m sorry for showing you a bad side of me last time.”f5e92256590f46a8

Having been pestered 62a491797c by the old f1c4dd68ee woman next door 3e9732fd42 since morning, I 491c74e190 gave a short 9bec187936 smile and turned 7ad4fa74e0 my head to 3ca71cd630 the monitor. Assistant Manager Ye waving ae02bca43f both her hands caught 46839412d7 the corner of my 4145016a5a eye.4cd0f94c8a2fe2f1

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“No, no! I’m glad you’re better. Have this.”ac30e62fab8d7093

A glass bottle filled with a yellow liquid is placed on my desk. The bottle, labeled Ginger Citron, bothered me. Unwanted kindness was a burden to me, and for Assistant Manager Ye, it would be a meaningless waste of emotion. I thought she would back off if I drew a proper line, but Assistant Manager Ye was more clueless than I expected. I decided I should refuse now, and looked at Assistant Manager Ye. When our eyes met, Assistant Manager Ye’s eyes widened as if surprised.d463118e166d13e5

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“Assistant Manager Ye…”209889cd2f144a52

“What are you two doing, all chummy since morning?”3a46cf64d7c3146d

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Manager Go, 105028aac1 who usually 6c0a45fadf comes to 5ec725351c work late 3b983e6081 under the 4637d83f1a pretext of d37038b89b outside business fa68681782 just to 694ec0d432 have lunch, 9920a92b58 chimed in b7adcde10b this morning 30fc739fee for some ad64d3ed2f reason. Assistant Manager 2cfedd80dc Ye awkwardly b79f9f960b returned to b3cddf1074 her seat.766398169f753e15

“There’s something between you two, isn’t there. No wonder Assistant Manager Ye’s behavior has been unusual lately! Since when were you two an item?”8a43953c49ce2247

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“It’s not like that, sir.”99eb20d994905b23

Seeing Assistant Manager Ye, who couldn’t say anything and just bowed her head low, Manager Go chattered on excitedly as if he had caught a great prize.0331763d31799b82

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“What do you mean it’s not. You can fool everyone else, but you can’t fool my eyes. Flirting at the office instead of doing the work you’re supposed to.”a5847d6ca668eaef

My fingertips grew cold, d5ec250c69 and my heart gradually 6a5638f19e began to pound. Looking at d20899435d Manager Go, 75e0630cc6 who was ffe380048d grinning while 597862f91d spouting saliva, 499273aa69 a thought 3ebad2bb9a suddenly occurred 4c4e1f2f1d to me.2bd7350e6acf4a7b

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With this human garbage, wouldn’t there be no guilt?0829b084ec4ec89a

If I invite Manager 96e262cbdb Go to my house, 4dc0fde831 saying I want to cd175522f5 treat him with some 19f0f014c4 empty flattery, he, being c79504be20 a terribly lonely man, 81ffe9de1c would readily follow me 9904df8e0d all the way to 81220f6134 my home. Then, instead 90854eb2ec of introducing 6397c8690c Manager Go 492ba9dbf7 to the ecba827d03 man who 9b8310d986 would be 976c3e4b7e waiting quietly dea0f7f33d for me 12ab7a06db at home, af66e13c09 I would e3e1726aaf only have 7694b0e1f5 to say a0091d853f one thing.6279d65802fcad6f

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‘Eat.’867df442254899e3

Then this horrible 5e952f0306 man would disappear cba433aa1e without a trace, e3399b0cb8 unable to even e72c3d6573 scream once.db6d1a0c8135898c

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“Are you listening to me? Huh?”a0e3e4c25de1452c

The voice ringing dc9037816a thunderously in my bbf706423e ears brought me ff9f3a22df back to my 0b2f2e0ae3 senses. My cold c1fcd3c249 hands were 5a8bd16a76 drenched in 8adb152f09 sweat.a95b157808877c77

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What… was I thinking…?441874f89ee926eb

It was a terrifying thought. To erase the afterimage left in my head, I scrubbed my palms raw against my thighs. As I didn’t respond, Manager Go grumbled that I had gotten too big for my britches, not knowing who I had to thank for being in my position, and left.a0f2ac38b187fb10

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My heart pounded. I was 00423f46c5 confused, a 52495b8c09 mix of c5859ea74f shock at 1327dee6e0 myself for 9f51774135 having had c70ab81f60 such an e077cc0f6d unthinkable thought 13020c3036 and the 9da6f169f9 excitement that 95260ffc4e I could e18f01c057 make it 1b35d74704 a reality 30d8052937 anytime I 7cea05b932 chose.155796d31b32211a

∞ ∞ ∞6c550cefa7d53ee7

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As soon as 37acf9fa33 work was over, 3366b9cead I returned home c996f44438 in more of 97b50d0e58 a hurry than 5f80f3808a usual and urgently 80c89b1efb opened the front e2b592e4fb door. I staggered without 651a6fd2f0 even taking off e795378717 my shoes as 5944f2c857 a large figure 7dfe713fb5 threw himself into 7a9e2ec0b8 my arms as e3f5bc9c4a if he had 23b0b53a86 been waiting. My heart, which 20838faea6 had quickened in 376b0ea96f surprise, soon calmed 3b219a702e down at the d03973fc9f human weight of fee8735c2e the man rubbing 1a1fc96495 his forehead against fe394f5283 my shoulder like d0cd562de2 a puppy.4d3f88146e33601a

“You were good, right?”a53d0cb733f83683

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“Yes. I waited quietly.”11651540fea2fcdd

I stroked the head of the man who was repeating ‘quietly’ as if seeking praise, and also gave him a short kiss. But the man’s face was noticeably pale. I was about to ask him if he was sick, but I closed my mouth.dd13439c4efdc290

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One, two, three, four… As I was trying to count the man’s last meal, the doorbell rang. There was no one I was expecting, and it was late for someone to visit. The conversation with the old woman next door suddenly came to mind, so I detached the man from me and sent him into the living room.e2c1c68d8d4fce63

“Be quiet.”908da89a2e40111b

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The man stood still 8baf2f1c90 in the living room 4588fab135 and nodded his head. I opened the a98bbffb6e front door just 9e1adfabe4 a tiny crack. The person I 26fd500952 faced through the aba81d6fed slightly open gap 496350bc9c was not the e9101737aa old woman but 8e01139a12 a strange man. He had a 16e4ec54f5 rough impression that f5bdf4e905 made his identity f7cba598c8 guessable at a dfc6696d91 glance. I concealed my f26fb3eecd anxiety as much 6559fde98e as possible and 89905420b6 asked nonchalantly.f16d36793a789e1b

“Who is it?”7420064ee07af4c2

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“Police.”ebd92cf3e1dbb85b

The unwelcome visitor unceremoniously showed me a police badge. …It had finally come to this. I was a little flustered by the unannounced visit, but it was something I had anticipated to some extent. Conscious of the man behind me, I subtly narrowed the gap of the front door.7204bf5f787075ac

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“How did you come to my home…”ccf2e57ea066ea2e

“It’s about a missing person case, could you please cooperate for a moment?”8956cdd6208efc63

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A missing b5a5660b21 person case, c6b01ebb99 not a 7ee2e59994 murder case.6406a5615229c82d

Since no one’s body would ever be found, the case would end there, unsolved.0795bd5c358cdda4

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“Ah…, yes.”0ad5e8944ce7ecd5

The large man with 1f9eaee86a a scar above one 2deda471a0 eyebrow was in plain e541031a59 clothes, not a police 74ce13d003 uniform. He was probably d669e572e6 a detective. His sharp gaze scanned 4cf7e06160 me naturally, like a 905ef9a9c1 habit ingrained in his 67aa863340 body.9c2861f89cfebaa6

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“Thank you for cooperating at this late hour. Do you live here?”ebb7c1647ac2da77

“Yes…, I do.”5ee95f86284bd38a

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I shouldn’t be too nonchalant. The anxiety I was showing would seem like a natural emotion to the detective. As expected, the detective nonchalantly took something out of his back pocket and said.2834e12e10d9457f

“Have you by any chance seen this person?”bbd5bdf34c6123fa

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What he held out 9158237c27 was a photograph. In the small 1371a931fb ID photo, my 0c4d90c71f dead lover with b0ed2179af a stiff expression 5b1dfb786c stared straight at e0c5ba285a me and spoke.a14cb91736478c60

‘You know, me.’e6dbebdf609563bf

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I shook my head.48a819ec32ef835f

“No. I haven’t seen 5c172d8fc8 him.”e460ccf286073428

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I answered reflexively, my thoughts catching up afterward. Nothing good could come from saying I knew him. I couldn’t leave any room for suspicion. With an innocent expression, I met the detective’s gaze without avoiding it.05ed2ff01df9629a

“Is that so? Then by any chance, have you used Baekwoon Delivery this month?”93bd43a446a3af78

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This time, 61f01e39fe it was 9a47759f66 a question 3655cc2588 I had faf12c0e80 anticipated, so cf998b8868 without panicking, f349bd7e31 I recited 376687844a the lines 885f7ffb16 I had a13d85c3f2 prepared in 4105e6e72f advance.b91e902d35f8c41d

“I did order a delivery… but I receive them from various places, so I don’t know which delivery service it was.”50b9da5081852d21

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The detective, unable to find any clues from my perfectly ordinary answer, clicked his tongue, “Tsk.” I flinched reflexively at the grating sound, then quickly came to my senses and observed the expression of the detective, who was scratching the back of his head. Naturally, it seemed the investigation was not going well.ff7a5011dd21a319

“What’s this all about?”556a8258cd7cebe5

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It was a 60d85445aa question more to 443bb6449c feign the part bc39a7d445 of an innocent d00ddbdee9 citizen than out 83c4bcf78f of genuine curiosity.41114749eebccaae

“A missing person report was filed. This man and the delivery driver who was in charge of this apartment.”34df00027fd78ea0

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“He went missing in our apartment complex?”5b71450dd57e51a6

“Well… the CCTV is broken, so we’re not sure.”382f355bc4b6fda1

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The CCTV is f140625882 broken?48a7c8bad4ffebbb

I almost blurted out the question in surprise. The fact that they couldn’t even guess the delivery driver’s whereabouts meant the CCTV had not been functioning for weeks already. It was such good luck that it was suspiciously coincidental. In any case, it was certainly welcome news.8b56965ff7986868

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The detective, letting out a long breath through his nose, bobbed his head up and down as if that was enough. I was worried he might ask to look around the house, but he didn’t seem to think I was involved at all.0ef1353e29816c3e

“If you remember anything later, we would appreciate it if you could contact the police station.”33d9b741351d2036

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“Yes. I will.”5d9ab5cffc29c643

The detective, whom I thought would leave just like that, gave a perfunctory nod and then abruptly turned to the apartment next door. My heart sank. No one knew that my lover and I, whose relationships with our surroundings had long since been severed for our own reasons, had lived together. But the elderly couple next door, who had lived across from us for five years, was different. Especially the nosy old woman next door; there was no way she wouldn’t recognize my lover’s face.07b4763cadaffab2

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“Excuse me! Just a moment.”9aa61dea85d109b5

“Yes?”7c695a13a5fdf334

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The police officer 2dac2db04d turned around. His awkwardly outstretched b763c3ef0b hand was about 20f77aa523 to press the a3f5b331d7 doorbell. A cold e0b5ba25c9 sweat ran e23776f765 down the 43987b474f back of 7c1adb9515 my neck.3884ff350c4dca61

“Um, an elderly couple lives there, and they’re probably both asleep at this hour. They’re hard of hearing, so they probably won’t wake up easily, so it might be better if you came back another time…”5e5ca492d7d90cd3

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“Ah… I suppose I should do that then.”f3179a03967de2fb

I bowed my head d72dd309a6 with an awkward smile 3c6bfd13d6 to the detective, who adb859a0a6 was nodding his head 31938360cf out of habit. Pretending to fffce03f73 close the c028d453d8 door, I 11f7e1e183 held my 5bc816cfcd breath and 8357caee09 watched until 08249fec9c the police 05534305b8 officer disappeared 6c26b47472 into the 1495c61c0d elevator. Remaining in the 2368909675 darkness after the f7df557147 sensor light turned 0d4d328790 off, I confirmed 0c808e1132 the elevator went 40f301728e all the way 4059f4c88e down without stopping, 2cb7904ab2 and only then 12c4c5990b did I quietly 7716ac8184 close the door.4384120420d011ef

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I stood in the entryway for a while, speculating about what would happen next. The police would visit the next-door neighbors soon. When the old woman saw the lover’s picture, she would ramble on with unasked-for details, saying he was the man who lived with me, and then…94ddddca25a88fe4

“Shit.”63d9e2e38929e177

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The delivery driver was an unfortunate accident, but my lover was a bastard who deserved to die. Even if I had stabbed my lover to death that day, it would have been self-defense. But regardless of the circumstances, the man’s existence could not be protected by the law.6f841d1f36aa8abf

“…There’s no other choice.”9ffcc42f6c5ad9a2

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I didn’t want to do this, but there was truly no other choice. My eyes met with the man who was waiting for me in the living room. The man, who knew nothing, looked at me with a harmless expression. Those black eyes seemed to be hypnotizing me.28d7f26d6d599b25

Yes, we are d252ca01c6 harmless.e47b25e998dfbb71

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‘Tsk.’01dbafdcdeff7cb4

That detestable sound chided 69985e7879 me again. I shook 22e90b2fab my head 4ca15a0861 to chase e334b28bdd away the e3f94bf20e auditory hallucination 080513e4a9 and stood bc861574c8 in front e89db93f0c of the eab9c64e63 man, asking 4c16a854b3 in a f35cbb0a89 deliberately gentle 7e90484f79 voice.be6c5d07facd572e

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“Are you hungry?”9a9b12d0e8c6fcc8

The man hesitates, then nods his head. This man was just born this way; he is not at fault. Just as I was merely born from a body that was not my mother’s.bde0eae026e097e2

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“It’s okay. You’re just hungry. That’s natural for anyone.”64c631fbdabe956c

“…I’m hungry.”7df6aaee8eedf7d3

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Ah, my poor 265a747241 Nabi.45ab9fc7ba624b42

I immediately took out bee33c4bc2 the durable plastic I 723790678e had shoved in the eeaf964e3e utility room. It was 976dba2f3f time to 9f341bb0cc prepare a 94e2c2cc84 meal.552843d32ec6e665

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The clear chirping of 1b3c76fb5f a bird echoed in 2553413690 the narrow hallway. The doorbell, fd8edb9e44 different from 241ee5938f the monotonous a4c78cdc32 electronic sound b401ee7fef of my d4d148415d own, rang 18700299ec for a 87607e58c6 long time. There was no 122e44d918 sign of movement 950bc3a73a from next door f171990696 until the sound 548a5b5b8c finally stopped. It seemed they 8ca1f0796c were really already 302d5125f1 asleep. I hesitated, c4880cf56c unable to 3a339e81bc ring the e483a6138b doorbell again e60c5587b0 right away. As the impulse subsided, 6f9a638800 my mind became complicated.f53571c9e71fd6d8

Is this really the only way? Am I being too hasty…3bb63a1dd4bb808f

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—Who is it?27166c162733cdd9

The old woman’s muffled voice came from inside the door, not through the intercom.3c3d3f124748817b

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“Ah… it’s me, from next door.”f548004c6fd099d3

The reply slipped out before I could organize my thoughts. A moment later, the door opened and the old woman appeared. The old woman’s eyes were sharp, her manner flustered as if she were a busy person. Seeing those eyes, I became dizzy with the thought that the police might have stopped by this house first. This really is the only way. Seeing me, the old woman suddenly raised her voice. It was an exaggerated tone, as if put on.67e630e7e3eaed4e

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“Oh my, young man, what brings you here at this hour?”163eb7e88a82a1b6

“I’m sorry for the late hour.”5ae62ddcd06388cf

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“It’s fine. Not all old people go to bed early.”1be64b1a8656d5c6

“It’s not that… I just remembered what you said before.”312cc387bd34119d

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The old woman blinked her eyes, rolled them here and there, then laughed awkwardly. To think she couldn’t even remember when she had been so eager to meddle in my affairs; it seemed her words were empty after all.772be91b55a0e5d8

“Mhm. Sure, come on in. I was going to bring some over soon anyway.”6ba6ed4aac4f2776

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With a reluctant attitude, the old woman opened the door wider. The elderly couple’s home was filled with all sorts of objects, as if to prove the long years they had lived. They were mostly miscellaneous things like plants and ceramics. The center of the brown leather sofa, imbued with the passage of time, was deeply sunken. I could clearly picture the lonely hours the old woman must spend there.888555ba749d3f4f

The old woman took out side dish containers from the refrigerator. Her hands were busy putting the portioned-out side dishes into a bag. Standing by the old woman’s side, I looked around the rest of the house. A large picture frame hung behind the living room sofa. It was a family photo of the elderly couple in their youth with their deceased only son. Unlike my own family photos, where awkwardness seeped through even in the few pictures we had, they, connected by superior blood, looked truly harmonious.99b4fd2678569f6b

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“Young man, what are you looking at so intently. There’s nothing to see in a house where only old folks live.”5d5b75f0970d9f25

“Um… is the master of the house not here? I’d like to say hello.”6b8590a3a13760c8

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“Oh my! It’s fine, it’s fine! That man can’t even move.”fc5605a308ae9a84

The old woman waved her hands vehemently. Then she glanced somewhere. At the end of her gaze was a half-open door. A person’s emaciated foot on a bed and a series of connected medical devices caught my eye. It wasn’t hard to guess it was a life support system. In that case, one less thing to worry about.7a93a6d1be08da8d

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“Here you go. Even for two men, this will last a few days. If you need more after you finish it, let me know.”4279e690ccf98e66

Perhaps it was b849a5636e just my imagination, 73e28a8d1b but I felt a6dcdb57f8 a sense of 7f045bbb6d her wanting to c46233832e send me away e3c5e047ee quickly in the fe9e9e969f hand that gave 10e06781b5 me the bag. From a while d3505545b1 ago, the old 79a0121ca2 woman had been 83c0e6f2d4 fidgeting like a 93eb75dcd2 person being chased.bb8f9d61f115c04c

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Did she notice 31917b9ddb something? Hiding my burning anxiety, f1a61549ec I asked casually. As if a94a88de31 it were 63650cb311 pure, well-intentioned 9e9722ab53 kindness with 237b472770 no ulterior f39bfb62a6 motive.ccb5ce81e1733cda

“I’m so grateful I’d like to offer you some tea. If you don’t mind, please stop by my place for a moment.”8be7da821dca9a2f

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At that, the old 746308ac61 woman glanced into the 695686e77e room again. It was df4e9890e0 strangely different 90182d9e83 from the b1243b37d7 expression of d1e0f6cd8b someone worried 63ec5c015a about her 90e2fa9ecc sick husband. As if the 9147bf62d3 owner of the 34dfa5c56f emaciated foot would 67e37d308a come chasing after e62e73eb29 her, the old 9e16c4fb22 woman watched her d644ec9810 surroundings and smiled, 6c8f86a061 crinkling the wrinkles cbb1bcf454 around her mouth.cc3d686cf6d3773f

“Shall I do that then?”ae68abf141e0fb87

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The old 3c2e1f4875 woman entered beb6a54ddb my house e5f7a5ef92 with an f0a9aaf113 anticlimactically simple 13c70b6b55 agreement. Stepping into the entryway, 90d9ab020f the old woman paused b4bb50fd7d at the sight of 919608ce2c the empty living room. I closed the front a84853ed54 door behind me and 5ef7cd8971 gently pushed her stooped, 30b510f44c aged back into the 962f236b41 house. I was anxious, 83ece16c4f my heart racing.d419873097a18485

“I ordered a new sofa, but the delivery is late, so it’s a bit… bare, isn’t it?”d5ccd4e8ab844ff3

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“Oh my, for a house where only men live, it’s so clean. My son was so messy, my mouth hurt from nagging him.”4f59bd0f0feff56d

As soon as she sat on a dining chair, the old woman let down her guard and chattered nonstop. I smiled occasionally at the old woman’s chatter and put water on in the electric kettle. The old woman, after continuing with her unasked-for stories for a long time, asked me a question.70bd385801d44e36

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“By the way, young man, what’s your name?”99571041a5689198

“My name?”301c3a7f1264c964

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“I can’t keep calling you the young man next door, can I? I’m worried what I’ll do when I’m lonely after that man passes away too.”653c925e9c4c4ca5

No matter how much of a living corpse he was, for someone mentioning her husband’s death, the old woman’s attitude was quite light. Moreover, didn’t it have a nuance as if she had already set a date for her husband’s death?24be593b2e086e07

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“You must have had a hard time. Taking care of a sick person isn’t easy. I know because I’ve done it too. Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you’re not lonely.”d8630298c4c9ac68

That much, 07b09beec5 at least, 4a71d3811c was sincere. As if my 77318a0d56 sincerity was conveyed, 9744d7fe45 the old woman 9106ed3721 dabbed at her daf197d3d7 wet eyes with fae9b53215 her finger.bfe4064568487b14

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“…You saying that makes me tear up from gratitude. After my son and then my husband became like that. I wonder what sins I committed in my past life. Sometimes I feel like I want to throw everything away and run away too. And the old man who makes me suffer to the end, sometimes…”594cb024b557f2b3

The old woman’s eyes, staring at the edge of the dining table, lost their focus. She trembled her wrinkled eyes as if tracing a bad memory, then snapped back to her senses and fiddled with the empty teacup. It was not an emotion I couldn’t understand. Because I was currently experiencing just how far loneliness could push a person.8bafd8c1a7b88ead

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“From what I’ve seen in life, marriage is unconditionally beneficial for men. You should get married before it’s too late, young man. I’ll introduce you to a nice young lady, thinking of you as my son.”1789c1bd0434d5b2

Click.399531339d3b7f6d

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The kettle, 421a4f779a heated to aac6a045cf its limit, 8626e869a0 automatically turned 5a0cd0be91 off.d37c8dd5ff85962c

“…About that. Actually, the man I lived with. He was my lover.”82fcfe1cdbfdfd41

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I faced 590b81b614 the old 5aadc30791 woman while 87d55a801f pouring hot d53e115cdf water into 8c1705d058 a teacup baf2477405 into which 9cf422ad08 I had e6080152c6 thrown a 970b254c7d random tea 40e2703327 bag.80ec58b22e343473

“Lo, lover?”d836b27ccbaa146b

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I don’t know why I’m even talking about this. Do I want to vent my frustrations, even to an old woman who is about to die? The old woman’s scrunched-up face, as she put the tea back down after trying to drink it, was thick with bewilderment.4743c26d618b9cbd

She had unilaterally chattered on about her own stories, but after hearing just one sentence of mine, she didn’t even seem to think of hiding her displeasure. On the other hand, for me, who had never talked about this to anyone, I couldn’t stop talking out of a strange sense of catharsis.f19510085d0db159

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“We were together for about 10 years. As you know, we couldn’t go around telling people, but he was a perfect lover. I liked him because he was someone who loved me, regardless of gender. I was an illegitimate child, so at home I was just.”3d2f618ad9adaea6

I paused, choosing my a21ca1f69b words. I contemplated a f9fb000d81 word that could 4dd51e52aa fully express my 5cbd763dad existence.a10d93054961adfb

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“Just a freeloader.”57a4d7946c591ef8

“Young man. Wh-what are you saying right now?”0ab91aa64d1d686e

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The old woman 1a27be73ca stuttered, horrified. It seemed she 568f6e0472 no longer had 07db54207e any intention of e050466c11 drinking the tea 669dcf99c6 I had offered. My throat d2480af302 was parched 1b2bdeca21 from talking bf4cc1daa8 so much 362c061333 for the ce129f8a52 first time 7c52a84b66 in a 1fcc9c6aad while. I lifted the teacup 5f33f1e66b and wet my lips.f51f0164e33f954e

“But after moving here, my lover started to change. I guess living off a guy like me was dreadful. I gave him my heart, my money, everything, I really tried to make it work.”b6ba19a794063e66

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When our eyes met, the old woman didn’t know what to do. It was as I expected. That when I actually talked about myself, they wouldn’t even want to know more, let alone understand. Relationships with others, once you peel back a single layer, were nothing but a stinking mass of hypocrisy.47a9ca13029fa487

“I, I should get going now. I can’t leave the house empty for too long…”25a038082c7c6292

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I grabbed the arm 6fe61642eb of the old woman 156d3f41ec who was trying to 6f1d2e57ad get up.9eb9107ddf97b043

“Already? I listened to you without a single complaint every time you chattered on.”f54b6a6a6b927282

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“Young man! Are you making fun of me for being old right now?”5853b8f464bde7be

“Making fun of you? Listen some more. This is what’s really important. You remember that noisy day a few weeks ago, right? Actually, I broke up with my lover that day. But then that man suddenly appeared. A man only I know.”c6a5952d6973a243

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“Let go of me, young man!”73d849ef773f236c

The muscles in the old woman’s face twitched severely. Tears streamed down between her contorted wrinkles. I didn’t think it was that sad of a story. Besides, I had been spending quite happy days.1cfca6edb6fc0410

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“There’s one small problem, but I’m fine. Everyone lives hiding a flaw or two, don’t they?”747ccc91dba0a79a

“I told you I don’t want to hear it…!”8ccb03f0ff342e8a

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The old woman shook off my arm as if I were about to eat her. The frightened old woman would soon find out the man’s only flaw, even if I didn’t bother to tell her. I gave the old woman a gentle smile she had never seen before.283149b57b54b986

“This time, he’s a perfect person. I think you’ll think so too when you see him, Grandma. Would you like to see?”fa56af6b063e393c

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“N-no. I, I…”c4d3bf7d0a5ce956

A chuckle escaped.34418dbf38cc5d56

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“Why are you refusing? You were so curious about me usually.”902121539466ac32

So you should have stopped being interested in me sooner. Then this wouldn’t have happened.98745c6f79d6111d

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I helped up the trembling old woman and stood in front of the room that had been prepared. The room that was a dressing room, then my dead lover’s room, and now had yet another purpose.84529294d5da2138

It was quiet beyond the closed door. If I told the man to wait quietly, he wouldn’t even make a sound.80116e82323ca96a

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As if the old woman’s fear had spread to me like a flame, the hand that gripped the doorknob trembled. I put strength into my hand and threw the door wide open.2247ebc3dd47fdcc

Rustle.16e6c1d8e88584fc

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The sound of d594081634 the man stepping ee9e3c303c on the plastic e2c5ac4647 laid out on d6b0072e52 the floor.2e6aecdaa5b90105

“Ah, aaack!”864c2ef69b2dd9de

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The old woman, upon 345ddd5cd6 seeing the inside of 41243f3d82 the room, fainted and 65c0db668b collapsed. In the middle of 103f1e7b6c the room, completely covered ec4a5d9709 with transparent plastic, stood bfca50b8ba a naked man. I dragged the 0aafbd815a fainted old woman 4ad1a53694 and carefully placed 574e1d084b her in front 95e3d59cb5 of the man.76577d31c9adcfac

“Grandma. I’m sorry I couldn’t be a good neighbor to you. But still, you learned everything about me that you were so curious about.”1bb2e6ad6da2994d

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My job 3df24d85e5 was done 16db8a6d77 here. I clasped my trembling ff0836a9c6 hands tightly behind my 4a29680901 back. The old 2f9b75a0e5 woman ends 25a3ddcf65 her lonely 25b9a2b56e life, and 8979ca5e70 I feed 10fe2aa337 the man. I repeated b9b4fcfa70 to myself 131ccbd893 that it aac8d06e5c was a f27d1876c0 good thing fe152bc627 for both fa252fd316 of us. But even after I 4efcf5a444 took a step back, 303449c7a0 the man just stared a4b20d9613 blankly at the old 861db1f9e7 woman.14e9cf11166be2e5

“What are you doing?”baa9f8c3eaec9091

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An innocent face turns towards me quizzically. I became confused by the man’s inscrutable attitude.038c2131364e5c54

Is this not it…?5a26cd18327f5329

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My contemplation was brief; 277d127d77 I realized the submissive fd29a060be man was waiting for e5f3aea088 none other than my 869ad5a7f5 permission.c340c520f8e67005

“You can eat… this person. Eat.”e0db05b90a168abb

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My lips, 38bb46def9 as if 4c6fb2656e glued together, 55f6fe0f7f barely parted, b878aee251 but I 135e2b4836 finally gave e7188c3d95 permission to c69e66cdc5 devour my 5537569f42 neighbor, a 58163f92a2 living person.dab819387495bf74

Only then did the man turn his back to me and lower his body. It was a posture as if he didn’t want to show me his meal. That stimulated my curiosity. I became curious about the man’s meal, how he devoured a person from head to toe without a trace. An instinctive warning that I shouldn’t watch and a dangerous curiosity clashed fiercely. While I was unable to do either, my gaze was already fixed on the back of the man’s head.607f5df558f67c12

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Crack.e8de512475be3be5

It was 15618e6691 the sound 83eb4f60a9 of flesh e8e1d50856 and muscle ec667c230d tearing. I reflexively tried 992e66b2b3 to turn my 8f8b9d16fe head at the 8cdcb8460f grotesque sound, but 5c9b7d1b87 I ended up 06c31d630b witnessing a sight d54b7708b5 I should never 01c0f98efc have seen.8df3fed7533a3277

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Two thin tentacles were extending from the top of the man’s head.9319738d7b800919

The plastic under f74255d57e my feet crinkled 9af7a2f7b9 as I backpedaled f61ecb2281 away from the 226dbc0fc2 man engrossed in fdcaa78236 his meal. I was b0ccff2f90 afraid the 82d0a8af9f man might 467624711f turn around. Afraid I would encounter b8497ea106 something unimaginably horrific, I 172c28f791 quickly turned and ran.f548e0b4e340ddf2

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I collapsed in the bathroom, vomiting. I couldn’t believe what I had seen. A pair of thin, white things, like the color of the man’s skin, were thrashing in the air in different directions. Just like an insect’s antennae.f2ca2be28b5f2ee7

Knowing that the man e0b02d2040 was not human and 5017d03182 actually confirming his true 42013933fd form were two completely 393725b060 different matters.7f67c7012a3856b3

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“Ugh, sob.”4f5901aa09312c32

‘Tsk. It would have been so much better if you had just died when I was strangling you.’b9f0a57a74e0505c

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My mother, standing in front of the bathroom door, sneered at me as I clung to the toilet. Her face, smiling from ear to ear, looked like a devil’s. Staring blankly at the phantom of my mother, a thought suddenly occurred to me.54c6bf3cab355a76

…So what if he has antennae?4d490ae01ef5bb1e

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Doesn’t a woman like that live, pretending to be human? Is that all? My father, who raped and impregnated a much younger woman as soon as he married my mother, or my younger brother, who framed me out of pure jealousy, or my lover, who tried to kill me after 10 years of devotion! They all hide their ugliness and live on the outside, pretending to be human. It’s a world where as long as you pretend to be human, the ugliness within doesn’t become a sin at all.9f53cd8f99ea99e2

“Mother, nothing changes by blaming me.”8ca432dae73cc359

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For the d06685474f first time, cb8ee3f008 I talked 5be1e064e9 back to 44670f3776 my mother. I roughly 71d83db407 wiped my 17cb83b30e sour, wet 9dd5afe2be lips with 610ed5dc6e the back 541b330b97 of my 6b76e8a06a hand and 0bffa3731f staggered to 1d5a06af0c my feet. I turned on bdc7ae946b the water at 7c4ce80e48 the sink, washed 05d1042e34 my hands, rinsed d7cb68608c my mouth, and bf58b7237e spat out the 48ce163520 words that had e5c9ce91dc been left to 1f4b48d0b5 rot for so ee1cdd87c0 long.f3ff3c2ceba8199b

“At least that thing won’t betray me. Like Father.”f8efdadf878df263

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I lifted my a8bb0f7e77 head and looked 1c94c9ec5c in the mirror. Where the 03845446c3 phantom of d4bbfc534a my mother 14b2a75712 had disappeared, 481cc3eeda only the d7fd430c8d man and 01e7afc045 I remained.2eeef551ed79005a

“I ate well.”4a90968dabb2c826

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The naked man’s body was red all over, as if he had bathed in blood. When I held out my hand as a sign to come in, he obediently took my hand and entered the bathroom.cec1efdab364ca48

“You didn’t leave anything, did you?”15f92474bcaa6957

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The man 6912371308 nodded his 4a21bfbb71 head.c1ea1dafab921076

“Good boy.”bf9a7e43576f3e09

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I carefully pushed back his bangs and checked the man’s forehead. There were no disgusting antennae. His blood-soaked face was still beautiful and harmless. More human than anyone I knew.a1197df17d07e127

“Promise me one more thing. Stay in this form in front of me. Until you die.”d00b84cf73c33f1e

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The man, who nodded 0c3a7aa96d his head no matter c51d3f0b3d what I said, opened 80690d01c5 his red, shining lips.e037630da78306ff

“If that’s what you want, I will.”6a049570b1fb72d1

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As long as 58a1d2e449 you pretend to 8a565428f5 be human, you 59ad6a57fb are human no 664276ab50 matter what you 2150b460db do.51ea8ddad0f6b4de

The man took my hand and buried his lips in my palm. The wet lips left a bloodstain on my palm. As it was, the man’s gaze turned to me.e200d575326f9054

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“You won’t change either, will you?”4dde764e754240dd

I am dbc3559d2f different from 6f2db7cb7a the traitors c72ac6d02c who abandoned 113a824317 me.0b13cc4f22e4734c

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“Yes, I will.”fd9ff665d15e565a

As long as you don’t change, neither will I, ever.4e47dcf3e8b9a977

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When I opened my eyes the next morning, the man, who always waited until I opened my eyes, was nowhere to be seen. I threw off the blanket and rushed out of the room. The house was filled not with the smell of blood, but with the savory smell of cooking rice. In the kitchen, the man, wearing an apron I didn’t even know we had, was engrossed in something. The man’s arm moved rhythmically to a cheerful tap-tap.0aff9ce6c5e9829a

“What are you doing now?”14a64bea4ee61165

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“Preparing breakfast. Go wash up and come out.”791fe40f10bd1099

Feeling bewildered, I 01fed76d49 approached him and 873f00c4c5 saw soybean paste 5c544a3808 stew bubbling in 90f55186ca an earthenware pot. His hand, pouring neatly be0989bed2 diced tofu into the 63195976fb brown broth, was skillful. The man tapped his a1b7ea5b2d wet hands on the 66c6f5ab14 apron and looked back 8033ca211a at me, who was 9b47cbb15d dazed, and smiled.6286700916825076

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“If you’re hungry, shall we eat first?”12a329780d92bc96

At the unremarkable, common question, I suddenly choked up. The affection directed solely at me filled my chest to the point of being overwhelming, and I hugged the man’s waist. I couldn’t help it. The rough muslin cloth that had been tucked away in a drawer had a musty smell, but even that was lovely.c0b909a06f4f5123

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I knew the man’s actions were memories he had peeked at from the brain he had eaten, but I was still happy. I felt like I could do anything for this man.f8cba35c0006d858

“Did I do something wrong?”1ec64d92f3ebff38

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“No. Not at all. I’m just happy…”62f1ae16462b0410

The man didn’t laugh at me or chide me for my pathetic whimpering, but just quietly patted my back. Of the man who could not be defined by anything, I could be certain of one thing. This man, at least, would not hurt me under the pretext of affection.801669e96f0f04d6

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I could 4ca1170983 have not cee7058bf0 been parched 2f86e60487 with just c02285f134 a single 024dad3705 drop of 1039dce98d water, but b7aafbaf80 no one 6e3ff19fa5 allowed me 91e48b3930 that single db1e647951 drop. Except for 8cb08e77d5 the lovely 57466a573f monster before 28eb44e805 my eyes.80f7984c07454e5f

∞ ∞ ∞f1df0a0aa6ff0b18

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A life of 975fc213de eating meals the 5386933939 man made for e3b09c0419 me morning and 94b8fa6521 evening continued. As a reward for a56a58ff8a that, and also because 7753445f70 I felt sorry for e6fcf838d3 the man who was 83a0d7e5f9 at home all day, 10eb2bb6b6 on Friday, after dinner, 332315af84 I picked up the 09e67923f5 car keys. I was f0e81b2437 thinking of 71afffe92f taking the 6a6c647bdc man a e43ae4016a little farther 388573433c out.34917aa8deccd7a2

“Where are we going?”bfebe7084d5add57

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“A good place.”d39235c917c17e7f

I replied, glancing at the man sitting in the passenger seat. The man, who had lost his somewhat awkward and vacant demeanor, was truly too precious to be kept locked up in the house for only me to see. I started the engine and slightly lowered the driver’s side window, and the heated summer air rushed in.b86f10fcec125cb2

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“It’s a date.”26e87ddb87c71742

At the man’s embarrassingly sweet words that came out of nowhere, the car, which was just about to start, lurched to a stop.b32f0397237abf62

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“A date?”bb45d713b4b79538

“Is it not?”476321591283acb0

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A straightforward gaze, devoid of any shyness or ulterior motives. Confirming the man’s transparent sincerity, I stepped on the accelerator. I stroked my somewhat ticklish nape and returned an answer.06f8300700c33fd5

“…It is.”10ecb5383bea3df2

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My lover, who had been sensitive to the gazes of others, was extremely touchy about our relationship being discovered by anyone. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand, but as our relationship gradually soured, it was too much that we didn’t have a single memory that could be called a date in five years.a65dfed9d4716d07

He was a35c383f82 better off d9b7c24ebb dead, really.cf2dd0d3328bb412

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“Nabi.”028d0d9117b5806c

When I called his name, the man, who had been looking at the city scenery through the passenger window, turned his head toward me. Taking advantage of the car being stopped at a signal, I quickly pulled the man’s nape. I felt sorry for leaving those lips that only spoke pretty words alone. The man never once pushed me away from the kiss that I had initiated without rhyme or reason. The tongues that had been moving between each other’s mouths at some point became entangled only in the man’s mouth. My body kept leaning toward the passenger seat. Until the back of the man’s head hit the window with a thud.08b5485223bc88e4

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Honk!4cc1e7a9c94c8089

Our lips parted at the honk from the car behind us. Despite having suddenly pushed him, I was the only one panting. Belatedly embarrassed at the thought of having been too forward, I couldn’t even wipe his wet lips and started the car. I didn’t have the composure to nonchalantly say, “Were you surprised? I did it because you’re so pretty.” When I was with the man, it was difficult to keep my balance, as if both my feet were floating in the air.dfce31a93b441ab9

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In the awkward d164c195f6 silence, the hand 3cf8fb6edc that I had 7a488f9d4d meaninglessly placed on d1dec21346 the gearshift was 3974ccc47a suddenly taken. The man b45f73bbae intertwined his 7aea7cceab fingers with d11b65103e mine. I felt f032cb2cb4 a thirst a4b26d3af5 at the 04880a0b43 ten fingers fd87938a1b that interlocked 981c3ed64c like perfectly f93c4fe49d fitting pieces.403c45933c3c8953

“You should look ahead when you’re driving.”a59c6016848c2cf5

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The man’s smiling face is unfamiliar. Did he know how to make that kind of face? It’s as if I’m with a different man. Forcing my violently beating heart to calm down, I sped down the deserted road.330b137b02a2bba0

The Han River 5d99fe882b on a midsummer b0a2a2cf44 night, which I f619b68211 had visited after c3546cae8b a long time, 485b12f435 had a rather aa619ccfed romantic atmosphere. The fact that the 06348ff101 man and I were 862fb7086f in it felt somewhat fac158dedc awkward, but whenever our 84b627581d shoulders brushed while walking, daf8947de1 I was embarrassingly thrilled.309a0cc58e3a6808

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I casually b8e425e9c9 turned my b0b231f701 gaze, which a29257206f I had 449b25d6e9 aimlessly cast f1037bf7ab toward the 04323b78f4 river, to e1956df971 the man, d9310ae062 pretending it 523e84b59b was a df471ff3aa coincidence. The back of d7dd782058 my neck had 7e1a62e7f7 long since become 5ab2348ec7 sticky from the 3002a3c743 humid river breeze, de332cba2f but the man dd729999b3 was as fresh d04926120b as if he e8fce1477f were in a c18668e1a8 different season by e104126755 himself.f7f79e709ce2553d

“You really don’t sweat.”3628d83741382b43

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“Are you hot?”6e262dc5f60da0a1

The man 1a46e2e068 suddenly brushed f50ce769f0 my forehead. I pulled my neck 5eda3ae13b back, avoiding his hand, 0de531a278 which was cooler than ec5d116797 average. Awkwardly, I took his ecd7340266 hand, which was still eec1bd1eb4 frozen in mid-air, and 296e9b015b brought it down, making 6e359356aa an excuse.ad3b8b56a540c569

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“It’s dirty. Don’t touch it.”8049bc36980a74ab

“You only smell good.”8c8ebb4cdc47fa05

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The man sniffed and came closer. The man himself was exuding a strong, peculiar body odor. It wasn’t this blatant before. The scent, which was barely perceptible only when I put my nose to his skin, was now as strong as if he had sprayed on perfume.963b506566491e5e

In fact, it wasn’t just the smell that had changed. His expression, his way of speaking, his gestures, everything was different. How far will the man change? What were those antennae-like things that had been wriggling on top of the man’s head?387056806338f4ec

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“I remember this place.”3ebb5c2baacb0352

The man, who 7db21ffb33 had abruptly stopped ea2025e65a walking, said something 0c69815720 incomprehensible.438de35ef17f0f98

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Memory? Does that mean b738671a3f he had been 513abe095f here before he 54598a7476 met me?315ca5e9b4b3b036

I looked around, f41caf2ae0 surveying the place 9b86a0fb27 the man said 5fd29ddfc8 he remembered. There was ef16869457 nothing special, 4ca8e51366 just a fe792f1c15 convenience store e8773120c7 near the 906e8bd65b wide park b4a83dbf35 along the fdae77b8b8 river. At the e90fe6d157 convenience store 1f7c0401ff sign, illuminated 691956b4cb brightly without 15501a4e6b any mood, 919aab216e a musty 305f393103 memory surfaced.c09223fb07486579

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The man 3645877256 spoke as e37074a3f6 if he 617926cc16 had read 52fbbd7e74 my thoughts.542ddcfaf51d60c2

“The day we first kissed.”4e85455b87ea0de8

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“What?”54f05b171270398e

That was my memory with my dead lover, not the man’s. A sense of unease crept up, riding the black river water.7c6af31675b1f28f

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“You don’t remember?”fea523d832f3fb38

Suddenly, the man’s way of speaking changed. The dead lover overlapped with his blunt expression as he looked down at me. The surrounding noise faded, and my body stiffened. What is this…?2bb5382a61596c58

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“Are you okay?”aba95b673b6aadee

In the brief a31e410b47 moment I closed 69b5334b05 and opened my 8d3b8bf07f eyes, the man 2acda04777 had returned to 8be3957b7a his original harmless cde9aa9da0 self and was 17af147ccb looking at me c884bac798 with a worried 1a9770413d face. My mind went blank.5788be8d0e7e3315

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Did I see f03b1c20a4 a phantom?16b4247e462f489c

“I’m just going to go buy something to drink. Will you wait here?”15eb59601e1bdd34

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“…You’ll be back quickly, right?”23bebb89d9a5d7d2

“Uh, yes.”3ca42cd15828b055

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I hastily fled 5909a7c6a0 to the convenience bf82b36748 store. The cold air 3bbd589636 from the air 1c38f969e7 conditioner enveloped my 815531b292 entire body. But the reason for 3eebb1b256 the goosebumps on my ee7d7ead78 arm was elsewhere.bbb4ce96a5327331

Was I possessed by the ghost of my dead lover, as if my mother’s phantoms weren’t enough? Yes, that’s it. I just came to a place with memories of my dead lover and he briefly came to mind, that’s all.013e48855207a1dd

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I concluded as such because I didn’t want to ruin my date with the man with anxious delusions. I bought a cold bottle of water and immediately chugged it down.e8e7ccdb7d65568e

Through the glass door of the convenience store, I could see the man standing vacantly in that spot, waiting for me. But in the brief moment I was gone, some woman was approaching the man’s side. The woman held out her phone to the man and then naturally stood close to him.11d819c5e2e8dd82

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I watched that scene silently, but I couldn’t stand the sight of the man not pushing away the woman who was clinging to him, and I burst out of the convenience store. My steps, which had been almost running toward the man, gradually slowed down. On closer inspection, it wasn’t just that woman. All the people loitering around, unaware that they were a meal for the man, were glancing at him.d09371192de26240

I had been complacent. Just because the man only looked at me didn’t mean others wouldn’t look at him. When I came to my senses, everything was so precarious.d791db9f7a5729bc

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What was? Their lives? Or the man’s existence?c42f8d410b842e32

Even while I was confused, the woman was stealthily stroking the man’s arm. I threw the water bottle I was holding.699f66d808132084

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The closer I got to the man, the more my blood boiled. The man who stood still, and those who coveted him, were unbearably grating. Right behind the man’s back, I barely suppressed my explosive emotions.e9e13eb8ca349aed

“Back off a bit.”31e68908c15a06c6

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“Excuse me?”6b4f81181c5a38f5

“I said take your hand off him and back off.”1ed1944fbd554587

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The frightened woman flinched 846dc5c91e and stepped back at 5f58231fd8 my sharp-edged voice. I could hear people 9f244cf8f3 whispering around me.11a43ad9c7eefe44

Fuck. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that this man was a monster who ate people. So don’t touch him, don’t even look at him, don’t be curious. That’s what I wanted to shout.25aef11847dff997

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In the reality where I couldn’t do that, I just chewed on my lower lip and roughly pulled the man’s arm. The bitter taste of blood spread between my teeth, but I was engrossed in only one thought. It was something I should have done long ago, but I had been really too complacent.95e2b57d8f5f57fe

When I get home, 883d271b79 I will lock up 68fb3a726d this dangerous man.1836d3bc890386eb

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∞ ∞ ∞25ca2d387f17f624

“From the outside, it works exactly the same as a regular door lock. But from the inside, there’s no separate open button, and you can only open it with a key.”1df5d48ac0f76b76

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The installation 9de78f01d9 technician brought abf2f3cfb5 the end e85822a6b4 of a d0480f3d9f small stick 2ad1b73ce8 to the 34e6300b13 door lock 480d32ef53 on the 05034fac20 inside of 40e492f1b6 the house, 74bb3da925 and the 37f32fbce8 lock was cfdb6c943c released. When he removed c3483d30b7 the key, the 607480a091 door automatically locked a1c82c46b3 after a moment.d980fb8f1e681e0a

“Once the door is locked like this, you can never open the door from the inside without a key.”2d921f72b49a116b

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Having decided to lock the man up, I immediately had a special two-way locking door lock installed. As I accepted the small bundle of keys the technician handed me after finishing the installation, the technician’s eyes scanned the empty house. His gaze was questioning, as if he thought my house didn’t suit the lock he had installed.890101845f61a5b8

“May I ask why you’re having this installed?”3c6475dd27864f69

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“Why are you curious about that?”6814d0490a11e169

“Huh? Ah, usually our main customers are people who are taking care of elderly people with dementia. But your home doesn’t seem to be like that… Ah, well then, I’ll be on my way. If you have any problems, please contact me here.”351b95faaae06d3a

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I shoved 55728e4f3f the business 0cce58d8cc card I c9d9c021ec received somewhere 446391b2e2 and hid 7d61d8d12a the key ff2d9eb1dc deep in dbaf10c18f a drawer 0dd1926296 of the db694716b3 shoe cabinet. Now, the e69a2cbd77 only one d9df43fac8 who can ca92d29499 enter this 9ccc7963f0 house, and b6a5c2b0f1 the only 1fd01d156e one who 860d9eb9f4 can leave ecd5c654ff this house, 41055da060 is me.a30fd9992ecee4e8

In my room, the man who doesn’t know he’s been trapped is waiting for me. I had to remind myself that the man who looked so harmless was in fact very dangerous. So my decision to lock up the man was by no means wrong.19ec75b9fff57fd2

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Now it was time to make the man not even think about going out. I cupped the man’s cold cheeks, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, and gently coaxed him so that he wouldn’t have any suspicions.f9b01ca0efa149b4

“Nabi. Do you know what happens if people other than me find out your identity?”a1eea813951fa259

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The man, who had sensed my fierce mood during our last outing, just shook his head silently, as if he thought he was being scolded. I grabbed that man’s cheeks tightly and made him look at me.e1fc25514125aff3

“They’ll take you away and tie you up in a place like a basement so you can’t escape. Then they’ll dissect your body into pieces with a knife and try to do whatever it takes to find out your identity, you know?”4cb620aff2e60055

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“…Why?”00603e5b06d5c70d

A hollow laugh escaped at the utterly innocent question. I don’t know if he really doesn’t know, or if he’s pretending not to know.bb5dfa6f2755891c

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“Because you’re not human. You’re a monster that eats people.”d9bd1cef97bd4809

The man’s previously impassive eyes waver with agitation. A thrilling pleasure spread to my fingertips at the man’s unusual reaction. But on the outside, I feigned concern for the frightened man and stroked his cheek. The man, as if anxious, clung to my wrist that was holding his cheek.82ad5f83155151e5

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“You’ll stay with me, right?”6e4b4eb927b0a895

The corner of f59b349e3b my mouth twitched.f0e5dff5efcee296

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“Of course. Don’t worry. I can protect you. Everything will be fine as long as you do as I say.”ba0800f64d4b6f90

I buried 30c43f3df5 my lips e30980b7d3 on the 29a0191312 head of a36c21d1d5 the man 7bfc536d6c who was 2dce867f16 nodding.c6a31ae7a695dc63

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“So it would be better not to go outside anymore.”026859bab6b86682

A pleasant 18c93bd166 fragrance wafts 82f3b3b7fd through his 94e6f654ab soft hair.bf9cd3eeec1e3963

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“You’re going to be here forever. With me.”c8eb07154a9b9e0c

I waited with a fluttering heart for the man’s red lips to open.4f80eccbacff45f6

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“I will be here with you forever.”affe46e65d64f242

I was full with satisfaction. I pulled the man’s head into my embrace. How could I not lock up this poor monster, who naively vows to look only at me forever, from the dangerous world.576da64722c8cf97

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∞ ∞ ∞6f2cec083177212c

The sky, which had been gloomy since morning, poured down rain as night fell. It had been about a month since I had brought the man home, but I was worried because I had never been this late coming home before. My senses, thanks to the continuous shots of alcohol I had been forced to drink at the company dinner at Manager Go’s insistence, were as loose as if submerged in water, contrary to my urgent heart. My steps, as I stepped out of the smelly barbecue restaurant, staggered as if I had fallen into a mud puddle.c1cf91899c452e9b

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“Oh, Mr. Kim! Are you okay?”69345e9a236c446e

The one 13f751f7f1 who grabbed fed849b341 my arm 7d7e377891 was Assistant 66d082890a Manager Ye.1f1c0beb10eae787

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Such a pitiful person. Why someone like me… No, am I in any position to pity someone else?7beb346f2ac1b0d1

I put strength in my legs and checked my wristwatch. It was well past midnight. I regretted not having thought to get the man a cell phone in advance. Moreover, the task of getting home through the pouring rain with a body that wouldn’t listen to me seemed daunting.dcbed9d3b277eaf6

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“I’ll get you a taxi.”649d361aea8740ab

Assistant Manager Ye opens a small three-fold umbrella. Since I didn’t have an umbrella, I shamelessly went under Assistant Manager Ye’s umbrella.4424fddad610062c

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“I’ll be in your debt. I’m sorry.”1fe96276d22e1ed8

Assistant Manager Ye’s voice was hard to hear, mixed with the sound of the rain and the noise of the street. My ears were ringing, and my consciousness flickered like a candle in the wind, moving far away and then close again. A thought that had been flowing without order inadvertently slipped out of my mouth.0e60f4822d3175f5

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“Assistant Manager Ye… what do you like about me.”eaf5314bd1ed1610

“Excuse me…?”24c3cc608e317330

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“I don’t think I’ve done anything special for you.”f4a65e6123615ed9

“Mr… Mr. Kim… you’re a good person.”f174f0bdf0281ecc

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I could fa338a1753 see the 4e7691231f top of 80a87a8d6d a small 092ef945b0 head staring b85c414b16 only at 568280f31c the ground. Assistant Manager Ye had 0ed364db85 only seen the side a42923d189 of me that I 827307178a had allowed. I felt pathetic for cdef6ce441 Assistant Manager Ye, who 9ec874e1a0 had developed a liking 841ebbb97d for me from such 9eede620a3 a small amount of 06e5a53d78 kindness, and at the e84c51571d same time, I felt f24de83805 a strange sense of f5124aed84 kinship.856a93c67e334a04

“I’m not a good person. If you get to know all of me, you’ll definitely regret it.”3c512dc57ecb15cb

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「That woman will change e28c5d6cb8 her mind too if 6735e62f5f she gets to know 36c638d697 you.」ab7430f946ec1e13

Of all the 7961019a63 curses my dead c8a92d3a67 lover had thrown 895dc64c09 at me, only 6ff0b23ae5 that one was 85b9b25a3d true. So this was 14a44bbb8c the best consideration cbaaf23155 I could give 343bb984d9 to Assistant Manager c9c9d09e89 Ye.11cbe3983f916efd

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“You don’t have to know everything to like someone.”2eb32aba1d3835c0

Contrary to the voice that followed, articulating each word as if in protest, Assistant Manager Ye couldn’t look at me, and I was at a loss for words. Assistant Manager Ye’s answer was stuck between my throat and chest like a lump swallowed wrong. Out of a petty sense of defiance, the words ‘I’m gay’ rose to the tip of my tongue. I had the stubborn urge to deny Assistant Manager Ye’s words even by saying that, but in the end, I couldn’t deny those words. Because I myself was crazy about a man of unknown identity.e769b3537d0b016e

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When I came to my senses, my body was sprawled in the back seat of a taxi. The cool, dry air from the air conditioner was similar to the man’s body temperature. Perhaps because of the alcohol, a thirst came over me. I licked my dry lips and loosened my tie, and a weary sigh escaped. Receiving the man’s greetings at the beginning and end of the day had become as necessary as breathing. I wanted to see the man quickly. I wanted to kiss him to my heart’s content, even if the kisses ended tantalizingly.e8ff5477796ba480

I had only 8b5d8b336a walked a short fa3eebbdfe distance from the 4de225a4bf taxi to the 2dd62893ac apartment entrance, but 42975af492 my whole body 814094439e was soaked in c5d3f2ed4f the torrential downpour. My body, which had c58fceaef5 been lukewarmly heated, cooled 279e68ea0b down from the drenching 8cd953c700 of cold water, and ff341c81d9 my teeth chattered. Looking in e202e1c795 the mirror ec497de3b8 in the 66b3fa4953 elevator, I f0a3991d9a looked like 6a16393a3e nothing less de744f45f6 than a d99e185b57 drowned rat. I was sticky 66920b50ea and anxious, but c1e502b15e it took quite 74dee1ea87 a while for 28f7e7c72e the slow-as-molasses elevator 8f080c620a to get to 143cf5f845 the 30th floor.308b1243a57a64e8

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Leaning my head against the mirror, I let my drunken consciousness drift. I want to take a shower with warm water. Is the man sleeping? He’s probably waiting. I’ll have to feed the man soon… I’ll think about it tomorrow. I’m too tired today.42800d233298b712

Rumble!d851323ec4f62673

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My consciousness, which bb203db629 was about to e7a6ad9909 doze off, was 554ca8dcda jolted by the d1b7c09cae sound of thunder. The elevator lights 5282b7a102 flickered and then a78c55ada6 went out with 47bb81550c a thud. Fortunately, the a12c175d56 elevator, which 07ead73712 switched to 7c16ba93bb emergency power, 33f3800f64 arrived safely 3ee640e062 at the d13aca8d8b 30th floor. The power in 2e2a595395 the entire apartment a5b6867011 complex seemed to 549892d952 have gone out, 83b24c4300 and instead of 9295f8c4f8 the sensor lights, 2c903fb6f3 only the green c9f7210c6a emergency lights were 07f20b2f8a bright in the 67d33f958b hallway.d523c920f56fcaf3

Worried about the e11650d595 man who must 2fad5f586e have been startled 21ecf1cd43 by the sudden 1f5f40da52 power outage, I 864d952510 urgently pressed the 68e19c9256 password for the 49c4688c64 door lock. My hand, d5e82bce54 wet with 025023e3b4 rainwater, slipped, eaa4b41150 and the 9995d79ddf lock was 9aae6928ce released only d1c8161a8e on the 404cd58e8c third try.49579dcacf1237c3

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“Nabi! Are you okay?!”ae94d02cd64e5cd9

The inside 8c4a7ba8c0 of the e969063b25 house was 7ca025f9c1 pitch black. Narrowing my eyes, which 6ff9d02f0b were not yet accustomed 88b5ae05ec to the darkness, I 90e365334a looked around the living 3409d83c35 room filled only with f390a1b1a5 the sound of rain, c66218592f and with another flash 8a17ae6666 of lightning, the living 4e250b4f67 room was brightly lit b9eabe9266 for a short moment. The man 77b495c1c1 was standing 81187fc142 in the b84a04b971 middle of 49f68323cf the living 85f5ab8b5d room. I was startled 9520fd96d8 by the figure aae05a3b9c that had suddenly 38987df0ea appeared and disappeared, 5d0f4208bf and I clutched a913d6f1ee my chest.5b98553a7e387f57

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“You should answer if you’re here. You scared me.”6b16cd2cd241b7e1

The man approached me silently, who hadn’t even taken off my shoes yet. Is it because of the sound of the rain? I can’t even feel his footsteps. I want to see the man’s face, but everything about the man is buried in darkness. I can only feel that the approaching presence is looking down on me intimidatingly.fb75042a572f0cac

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“Why… what’s wrong? Were you scared because the power suddenly went out?”12deda8c4f60e6b8

“You’re wet.”798ca79a80893dcf

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The voice, whispering softly, 7b039a4c75 is low and rough, d9948749fd unlike usual. Something was different. The unique body odor 75ce9106fa emanating from the man 1b020a0e4d felt like it was b0dcf905d2 pressing down on my fb1515beb8 skin. Goosebumps rose on my eec2b5abdc wet skin, and the df6baad849 tension pulling at my c9383c40e8 lower abdomen made my c57a9bb93b words trail off on 21dce1fd15 their own.a68f7542b45f61fa

“Yeah. A little…”ddb8201022e0d3d7

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The man’s hand fumbles over my chest, which is covered only by a shirt. The man’s finger brushes against my nipple, which has become erect from the cold, over the thin fabric that is clinging to me from being soaking wet.637ccba0d807744c

“Hnngh.”8845c04664a9b21b

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An involuntary, strange moan escaped. It was the first time the man had touched me in this way. Before I could grasp the man’s intention, a huge shadow fell over me. A strong force snatched my waist and pulled me in, and a mushy tongue pushed its way between my crushed lips.abb0d068590f328f

“Mmm, mph!”71452d340b790a6f

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Panicked by d4d185156a his devouring 967a6b96d2 momentum, I 736c002bfa struggled to 2c33ecccd3 get away 174a6e8a7b from the 66765ed08d man. The man was fd562fe92c as unmoving as ecaa6d4f1f a rock. The transformed man 4c8b146299 relentlessly pushed me. I was scared 97e15d6018 my back, bent 8e1d41f5ec backward, would break. I was pushed 7f50b2065a back helplessly until 5ea1b8aed8 I bumped my 74813aa95f waist against some c50bf9ee88 corner. Fumbling behind dab96fa561 me, I 5d84612b42 found it cfd925b3ff was the f1936f6094 shoe cabinet.f5ffa4cd3e868c95

The place was the entryway, and I was soaking wet from the rain and hadn’t even taken off my shoes. But the man didn’t seem to care about the place. For my part, all I could do was barely hold on against the man’s strength. As soon as I found my balance, the man’s thigh that pushed in between pressed against my legs. As if a strong electric current had flowed through, my buttock muscles tightened, and sparks flew before my eyes.11d7649cd433b5cb

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“Mmm, ah…!”3b0ba70553bd3fe7

Only after a suppressed 7fd8e0f304 moan burst out did 77e87a59a8 our lips part. The black eyes that d47707e82e met me up close fe6e790a84 stared at me as 6898143d4c if they would eat ef0fa37110 me. But it was d7b7e6eaa4 different from the 0d792ca09f gaze of looking b80dbc7f42 at prey. I, who had 7a334bb40f watched his meals, ffaeb21064 could tell.281488bbc93c8faf

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Panting heavily, I tried to grasp the situation, but the man’s brow furrowed. With an annoyed face I had never seen before, the man brought his nose to my neck.99d2dcb21ca37f94

“You smell.”8111536c669f7a66

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Smell? I wasn’t in the right mind to understand the mumbling voice. I was too confused by the unexpected change in the man, whose only strong desire among all human desires had been appetite. Just this morning, he had been a man with a mournful face like a sad puppy, telling me to come back quickly. Was all that gentleness a lie? I suddenly became scared.559008bd8cf065f6

“Wait… let go of this.”c0cff21ab86f3113

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I pushed the man’s shoulder, but his hard body didn’t budge at all. It seemed he had no intention of listening to me anymore. The man’s lips touched my ear. The spot where his lips passed felt as if it had been burned, and my neck instinctively recoiled.c56b11c9b278fbce

“I’m sorry for making you wait so long.”3602fa07f00cf0d9

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“Wh-what.”f4b540b04b18bb92

I was so dumbfounded I didn’t know what to say. When I made advances, he acted like an idiot! For me, who had almost given up on contact beyond kissing, it was hard to understand the man’s current behavior. His eyes, glazed over with excitement, his lips, parted defenselessly, and as if the hard presence against my thigh wasn’t enough, the words that came out of the man’s mouth were nothing short of shocking.a150411e18ecaaaa

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“Let’s make a baby.”9d7706cc86b74caa

“A, a baby…?”ea7eeb41ac6b01ac

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Rumble.d57efe7ed6e1d462

The sound of thunder 58fd55c7b7 echoed distantly. While I was doubting 8ae60a5295 my ears, the man 9964b0baf7 turned me around and, 59bb540f00 with a skillful hand d047a3eeb4 even in the darkness, 4ccbda5917 unbuckled my belt and 43fd1a4c86 took off my pants. My flustered attempts to 756648feb3 stop him were all 5b02983ffb in vain. Goosebumps rose on d48d9dbd4d my wet, bare 070664526c skin from the 3c07ce9a5d cold air. Soon, those 8ce62bacd9 goosebumps spread 1d99847576 to the c2935c0600 back of f09f9c047c my neck 9fa3e07038 for a fa9eb3d673 different reason. A huge pillar was a6c1eeba60 rubbed between the cheeks b178e1cded of my buttocks as 3ec65b7ca3 if it would tear 1920c7d5a3 its way in without 09e45e401a any preparation. I was scared 1ab07e0f23 by the momentum d87a607101 that seemed like f14a8ecc5b it would tear 3df3917a02 me open without 504e5fc97c any preparation, but 0e962b9cf4 my instincts, as fc39751881 if welcoming him, 49c3287711 tightened my buttocks.bc7de9277816ee2a

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“W-wait!”41d216cc0287c933

I pushed away the man’s pelvis, which was clinging to me, rubbing his thick cock against my crotch. But the more I pushed, the more he pressed his body against me, and the man rested his chin on my shoulder. A cool hand wraps around my half-erect penis. My head drooped forward.271a3d4eeeaa203d

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“Mmph.”45f468cd7b1b6cc8

“I know everything. You wanted this too.”82f5954c3063422e

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He was saying ffeeeb62c8 that he remembered 36a6f64d90 all my shameful b5b141c329 behavior from before. A belated e73f1b8c3a sense of ab2f1738cb shame welled ea443ba32f up, but f28d4d4732 my partner c87b3733e4 was a 214adf5754 man who be2cbe868d would accept 58ef70e1f4 my desires 3e9996407d as they c31c44a7d4 were. The reason 665aca1bc0 I barely 7eca014606 held onto 3256a04ba4 the rationality 9775e311c3 I wanted 552399c862 to throw 18ae136e0e away and 6defb517e2 break down b75e21e3eb was simple. There was 9de1c6e31c no way 6c865bf539 I could aaa080356a take that 5e451937b8 big thing 9a3be14d5c without lubricant 71104b506f or a cd4e968b0e condom. There was also no 04619967c3 way the man, who b19ed1e58f until yesterday seemed to c8b7abcdb8 have a penis just bad7447a18 to have the appearance b87ec461f6 of a human, would e74771a583 know how to take cce2914f84 his time to open b563c1eae7 me up.6f77cb5eb55e4f15

“Not, not now. Let’s do it next time. Okay?”fe763d4ab65da565

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The man, who 883932ef9f I thought would 9a11e5459f quietly obey me cc72473782 as always, instead 460c119895 of moving away, 379f39c87d shook his hips 850b8662ba as if he 8fc56037e6 were thrusting and 298ee78dfe rubbed his wet 6c9ee2cd6e penis between my c7d091a33a buttocks.29a16b4b7de3738f

“Ah… h-don’t.”68917a95640ead3b

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I thought I would 4b71a1693e lose my mind at f2e0b0b4e4 the blatant stimulation.117d82fb7892a808

“Why not now?”750554534f1d47ad

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I, too, 5790f9b7da let out 204e936c83 a regretful 47b0e43623 sigh at 1d6c5703b1 his desperate 895557ffd0 voice. I, too, bace19fbef wanted to 7dab205fc3 do it 61797dca82 like crazy.6617864cb74d2ef0

“Hah… there’s nothing, hnngh… to get wet with.”9101ec7b780dd221

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“Ah…”13e74a15f47bf8c2

Did he understand? The man, who sighed eb25ee3a41 subtly, finally moved away 8bbb156fa3 from me. With relief, my d82fe7c376 tension eased, and e3a2b20f6a I draped my b5d0e3b56a upper body over 77d1269016 the shoe cabinet. The energy drained cd1f98784a from my already ed8532ff99 tired body. But the presence of 5e1177488d the man behind me 884b322e81 was still there. As I was 6319a251bb about to turn 522482d703 around in anxiety, d22875725b a force pulled d66c0e49b0 my waist back, f5431f885f and I fell 0c4136b93a forward, hitting my addd8e64e3 forehead on the f207d74963 back of my 6602390fa8 hand.09cf434495e574b0

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“Ah!”ed2f57fcba6198b0

Forced into a position with my buttocks sticking out, my vision was filled with my pants, which had been carelessly taken off and were hanging around my ankles, and the man’s two knees. I couldn’t close my legs because of the man’s knees, which were kneeling between my spread feet. My face flushed at the thought of the place that must be completely exposed.ac03758e8bae130f

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“Wh-what are you doing! Aah.”8f3f4f7c97c59456

My buttocks, grabbed by a large hand, were spread apart, and a hot sensation licked its way up from my perineum to the hole. The raw sensation that climbed up my tailbone hit the back of my head. My mind went white from the lewd caress I had never experienced before, and I couldn’t think of anything, just trembled and covered my mouth. The feeling of his sharp nose bridge being mashed against my buttocks was as vivid as if I could see it.388c98b2daa559f6

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