LA0S | Chapter 30

It was sophomore 49372c3006 year in high 076381d1a3 school. Early in the first semester, around the start of late spring, efd1f8da39 Kim Chayoung began to follow me around, and by the end 359e532928 of the second semester, we shared every moment at school together. During the winter break, we almost dba4f7b25e daily headed to the library together. After a solid study session, whenever our eyes met, we’d b59475f2d0 end up heading to the PC room without fail.49a44c932318030b3abc

On the first day of our senior year, Kim Chayoung 6e62db4321 was waiting in front of my house from the morning. His usually bright and shiny eyes ff48c9d57b looked as if he hadn’t slept 84e9203892 at all, shadowed and weary.c8ab7b5c90aede45642b

“What’s up?”99c760cd8247d3806526

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I was a beat late in 79b334c5bd asking, startled by his appearance.231937911d709e0da9da

“I stayed up ccfd2f6417 all night.”6b0955fe4f2e5a5e6ff7

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“Figured as much c345472ce7 from the look 2f10942a10 of you. Why couldn’t 539d5f8d44 you sleep? Did becoming a senior 695256f1dd suddenly freak you out? You’re such a 11ef3c5bcc scaredy-cat, Kim Chayoung.”cb40fb8c6894c5f16e77

“It’s true, I felt like I 6df11c6c85 was going crazy from the nerves.”72a38007b9e6cfd6f7d4

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It seemed so out 122707d0ac of character for him 84028948a4 to be nervous. He’s usually so laid-back about everything, and 3f1f80b9b1 things mostly turn out well for him.ae49f85a6837452e1a97

“If you keep up 7b76dfe6bf your grades, you could c99faaa267 get into Hanguk University b01f22ec4e or even Global University. Our homeroom teacher 8612a33bea said so too. Don’t worry fd9a6f123c too much.”12d86066eeb50e641f88

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“Must be 051bb21ed5 nice to f69b1da336 be so 029f54f636 carefree.”7fc0623a3309870bbfa6

“Hey, who are 5a9e56a9bd you calling carefree? Hearing that from Kim Chayoung of all 62715c8ec6 people, Lee Jinha is truly doomed.”b55840295600fb7ad9c7

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Bickering like this, 61fde2c037 we headed to 165952f206 school. As we entered through the b57b230c84 school gates and reached the 7dc7406980 central corridor where the class 152e237f45 assignments were posted.a44d0d5606a3cad3aa1e

“Think they’ll let us out cd77f8bb29 early now that we’re seniors?”237c97e276bd41d47bc5

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While I was mulling over this absent-mindedly, 7ad30c4e58 I caught a glimpse of Kim Chayoung’s a5613a4b4d face, now pale enough to cause concern.b852d12d2e068e4c90d3

“Hey, you okay?”ca5dcb4c56a4e65ba0a8

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“Why? Do I look bd195df941 like I’m freaking 1f46a2a8eb out over our 69d95f0e07 class assignments?”7b19594539b2c2500f33

“What are you on about… Don’t tell me all 8dbfc7cdff this drama was just about our class assignments?”826d165e98d579fb88de

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“Just? That hurts to 8624020fd7 hear, Lee Jinha. Don’t you care if 037f085da4 we end up in 7f4044ed12 different classes? You’re so cold.”96224f8e64ebe71925a9

“Why the formal speech 7cdf67d696 all of a sudden? It’s creepy.”d99554f0e17da4e50e66

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Lee Jinha frowned, his 77f10dfb7f usual response, but a 010518072d part of him felt 0e9a54b3f6 a chill. Of course, they’d be in the same bd011688d0 class… but what if they weren’t?63bbbd1d05c9a8ec9dda

“I should have aad89d8ebd taken some calming d994227ecb pills.”e3f4cf9ceac8c77c1399

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Kim Chayoung muttered something 1fb0558fa5 next to him, but fcb3d09e3d Lee Jinha hardly heard cb69de4caa it. As they walked down cc6017af40 the corridor, his heart aa6ead3239 pounded loud in his bf6810d66a chest. The thought of 6c5f80fb7c a life without bdc0f755bf Kim Chayoung was 12793b8a8e unimaginable. At the same time, he asked himself, was it just dac4e1ad99 the fear of drifting apart from a close friend? No, it was more 937d39deff than that, just as c6bbecc9aa Kim Chayoung said.4dd0a5caa33c34bc42f1

They stood in the f6fa8189cf corridor as if at 770d2b0146 a crossroads, unable to 4d25297274 move forward.b3510e1acefc53b275c5

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It was unsettling. The fear of being separated 29271a8ae7 from Kim Chayoung and the 03a0d67391 confusion about his own feelings.ddf4b56565cf5dc5bfbd

“Hey. Turns out 23741daeb3 we’re in c6ad59e30c the same 7e8f5cce93 class again.”9e499add79a0c57f2ac0

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It was someone else who broke 0755ce033e the news, Park Jiho, once a da5f743492 soccer teammate of Kim Chayoung. “See you in class,” 9252305158 Park Jiho said as a9b56b04dc he walked off toward 7a12921177 the canteen.4a58ca1bfdc2ce4a621f

Without hesitation, both of 16186ff57c them ran to where 229d1e243d the class lists were 997a84476c posted.c1df9f6281aa3eb3fe36

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“We really 7da4f0d5a8 are in b1a60d1a98 the same 9d58714e1a class…”fa949f8598c96995dcaa

“Finally, I can 1553c66baf breathe.” Kim Chayoung 6dab1d79ba murmured. Lee Jinha 3933466065 quickly scanned 655bb8ac9e the wall.d94e9cad17ea1c42ed43

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Class 3-1.a3144e97f723eeff0473

Only after finding Kim 6370a3f7db Chayoung’s name could he 342a2e5e49 finally breathe out. Phew. A deep breath 176e4bd05c laced with newly 650ffec71d realized emotions.d060fba74271d8b97436

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Kim Chayoung a17c368fe1 was dear 4eeee0df8c to him. Was this deef6cf774 a feeling a990a70de5 of friendship? Perhaps it felt more intimate dccea26ba0 because they had been close, 9cfcd56479 with no one else around?97dde42916125ddd341e

Unsettled feelings, either undeveloped or deliberately 6bf4056aa9 delayed, became certain at the sight 54b426da1d of Kim Chayoung receiving a confession. He was popular regardless of gender and age, often receiving 550fee5c01 confessions, and up until recently, Lee Jinha would joke, “I 0da2f8d571 can’t see why anyone would like such a loose guy. He’s openly annoying.” But 8bb54d7f15 now, those jokes seemed dca206e74d like a distant dream.65cd866709af564ad919

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Though Kim Chayoung had never responded 6b7221e4c8 to a confession before, there was ff787e33fe no guarantee he wouldn’t this time. What if ac361d4bd5 he actually 5ecb84c86c started dating d2917a5a11 someone else? Could I stand e4ade99225 to see another 8aca829fdb girl by his 9afa5741fd side?3a1f074a0d5eb7bdafc0

As Kim Chayoung walked into the 64318ef1f1 classroom with a slightly flushed face, ece75d44c3 Lee Jinha realized he could no aee2da6ac1 longer just be friends with him.b59d36c34c47282cc176

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No, he couldn’t.90fc3f29848efed70c29

He had admitted to himself that he liked Kim Chayoung, 7e0ac6e4d9 but he didn’t act differently or change his behavior. The thought of b5548cbbc6 ruining their relationship a463a993fc was too great.b60d549732a525b1edb2

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Back then, creditors would come to his house c4813fee3b almost every day due to the debt his bdab33984e father had left behind, turning everything upside down. Seeing his mother cry and his younger ed98d6541c brother screaming about their poverty was suffocating. He felt like he would 28013061ad go crazy if he didn’t 0b440eded2 talk to someone, and that 677b068098 someone was naturally Kim Chayoung.435bd75a7fcac73ff1a2

After hesitating for a long cc96dfccc1 time, he confided in Kim 4c01818b1e Chayoung, who simply listened without 3a86df59ec saying a word.5ba0032afa8c5ff65952

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Kim Chayoung had helped him a lot with his university 337b19498f entrance exams by including him in his private tutoring sessions. The harder the times, the 3d0903b01c more he encouraged him to 22827b2beb go to college. Not only that, but 8374923579 he also often bought 8a67bfb185 him food under some b5f6e8eb5c silly pretext.1042adaac6e20e90e18a

Material assistance was helpful, 6755d8f1b3 but just knowing he fb3bf8ee3e was on my side eb60be1692 filled my heart. To Lee Jinha at that 255db0917d time, Kim Chayoung was more 6f7e648d06 than just someone he liked; f60e8d6ba8 he was someone beyond that.d32129681e6aa3a0105a

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It was a cold day, just 100 62e284bfea days before the college entrance exam. We had stayed late at school for supplementary lessons and were coming out as the sky filled with 53b1fc4470 heavy clouds, and the air was thick with moisture, seeming like it might rain at any moment.3066f96ca31a300919ae

“Take care. See you tomorrow.”28492a3017a8069fc907

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I waved at Kim Chayoung bf29ce9feb at the bus stop. By then, all my 3085a3e1c7 nerves were tuned to 2034b75eb8 him, sensitive to even b848acb5dd the smallest things. How hard 83055e6c46 it was b4264cf1cd to act 335a57578c normal.d1c9cc60383c342be975

Usually, Kim Chayoung would 7b77b7d45f have waved back, but 862e7596c5 today he didn’t react 34797424b3 at all.5eb837e0d64677e94153

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“The bus 584a304520 will be c75326720d here soon.”e3b1b5d921e0b74c482e

The display showed that the 29f66c3924 bus was two stops away.e5f6a4e561e771c27e0b

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“I’ll walk b039288ece you home.”a2111b63667c17035ac9

It was the first f2edf7d48e thing Kim Chayoung said a3f6a208ad after reaching the stop. His expression d52bc55435 was serious, d60b89bd7f devoid of 8c967fedf0 any playfulness.dc1758f5e4dafd279631

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My heart sank. Did Kim Chayoung have fbfe3baef2 someone he liked? Because we were so 1450de21e8 close, was he about 90cd61e32e to tell me? Did he have a girlfriend now 7ba5f3b5a3 and couldn’t walk me because he 01aede1dd2 had to take her instead? A whirlwind of thoughts be970d6afd rushed through my mind a2da75ef8b in that short moment.3a668a3c9213d080a554

Before I could 2f765cd196 respond, the bus 4af2352a76 arrived. I boarded, feeling like I 8cc1ae01ba was fleeing, and Kim Chayoung 07c71b2af4 followed as if it were 6032d99ab0 obvious he would.ede1adc1882021bcaa8b

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“Didn’t you say 9c3363dc39 you had someone 976ba05554 to walk home?”7df40c4c224dbbef40fe

“I said I ab26591803 was walking someone 924967d935 home.”43dd658580b4a1922f65

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“Who? Don’t tell d8d6beeb04 me it’s c4a30fb3b0 me?”4fae8a4e65a81454600b

I pointed at 7ee35826e6 myself, bewildered.e47df4efebce760b320f

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“Yeah, I said eac9f65307 I’d walk you fae07875cd home.”36688c5b682d90ab3541

“Why?”3ad7ad6da9368ecb46b5

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I asked blankly. We had been 7656d29222 to the bus 3553934aa1 stop together hundreds ba6e6b9a3c of times. We had said goodbye 7270770aff many times but never 42ab8e5e4d walked each other home.43bd928103842360bcfa

“Because I 770cd98d25 want to. Is that 12818f43fe a problem? Does it a5a203a165 bother you?”5283097fa00ce7fcf031

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“There’s no 28f241e383 problem, but…”216d9bf35bdabf580694

I answered, swept up 1278a47bf4 in his insistence.4197a6bfc7e69b380878

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“Then it’s settled.”f6ede91a90c7cfa5d1ea

Just then, the bus driver 3bf773b1da yelled for us to sit b57f243f3f down quickly as it was 721f18b584 dangerous to stand. We sat in the c332cd8653 very back, and as 3ea8ae7fb5 the bus lurched, our 612028874d knees touched.af5a2be5f8c0cd46006a

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After getting off the bus, 4325f0ca17 instead of heading to my 44c93b4218 house, we went straight to 85989c6d90 a nearby playground. We sat on the fceb448934 swings, staring at the 6723dfafb9 ground for a long e913fa1ac1 time.b1a360830ff4c6333e53

And that day, Lee Jinha confessed aef22c52d8 his feelings to Kim Chayoung.e11562a36cfe28d330ec

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Even after we started f52d76d130 dating, the world remained 77ba09d930 the same. We were still students preparing e0cffa9b8a for college entrance exams. School, supplementary lessons, 8c47c117ab the library—we stuck fef0178fac together no matter 5fe705f4af where we were.46f950e1dcce093affae

“Let’s go 12a59a2e47 on a c3269436e6 trip after 4ecfbbd5de the exams. Maybe a 1bd5dd45cb two-day trip. Got somewhere 5dde749b6c in mind? I’m up 4a04abab1e for going 7245c6e5e3 abroad too.”099f0adc19a93b596563

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“Hey. We still have aa610a35e2 over a month c08b4e28ec until the exams.”8e03d94a7b29b987cd6f

“So, give me de20a73f68 something to look e59022cf16 forward to. I might lose all motivation 5974120391 if you say no.”5afd81a23ba8df0219d5

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I couldn’t help but 0586cfb80b laugh; he seemed so eed006fc28 desperate, unlike his usual dc2ae81a9d laid-back self.27dd3f8b521f483c017f

Though the world hadn’t b6efcab772 changed, our hearts had. Every moment with Kim b4c43c504f Chayoung became a comfort.6aa851dda95d2b85cd90

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Our college entrance exam scores a39fef6db6 were good enough that we 957f45903c both could apply to the d9bd5c6f3d universities we wanted. Luckily, neither of 56982aa45f us had to 57b9fb9a55 retake the exam. It was a relief to unload that a171a6bd0d burden, and I looked forward to doing bb04685a11 all the things we couldn’t do while 156049af25 preparing for the exams. However, it didn’t take long for 61aec06945 that anticipation to turn into disappointment.ec1c5214bcb6214bdb18

It was an unusually ef36c13ca7 cold and windy day. December 31st night, the d64842634a day I was supposed b89894f1cd to meet Kim Chayoung. He was standing by 72c432c23b the café wall, waving 2b4fbabdba his hands flippantly.3e632997838358be81dc

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“Did you apply?”5acce0158e1167ed42d8

“Not yet. There are 8845f74db3 three days 9bfece6d82 left. You?”00f1d11ef9b97e1f2dba

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“I did it bf19775ace this afternoon. Better to 1bc216d644 get it 5930311d6d done before 4278128caf I forget.”5997b75fe463bddb4839

“Am I you? I wouldn’t forget 89c791d893 something that important.”2e8cc5c9caf113b7b929

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Kim Chayoung scoffed 025753f0ff and then playfully fb9c599d5d put me in 16bba8727d a headlock. As my head dipped, I felt the touch 2fb6f2a6b5 of his long, firm fingertips ruffling my hair.b860a307e32f78b72fc9

“You’ve grown up d85a6a16df a lot, haven’t 39c126f28d you? Talking back to 27f61ae86f your hyung.”7c4d950e32b988eac535

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“I’ve always d324edd0ba been tall.”3910c78b4c0abd7273e0

“Oh, big deal.”fa66f1925682697ab8c3

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His warm 7e202d6d46 hand roughly b68e718cdc tousled my c9c7cb6cc8 hair. Kim Chayoung’s unique scent bffca5689d filled my lungs, tickling 6f00cdc55b my heart.e0eb0f27dc97b6b4a161

The streets were crowded with cb643bcb04 people sending off the old 7d68b8b5b5 year and welcoming the new. Our noses reddened by the 34e59b36c6 cold, we were swallowed up 230c0e1756 by the crowd waiting for 4db46a1318 the New Year’s bell.fbcfac615287f5187237

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“So, will we not get kicked out of 903113fb50 the PC room after 10 pm starting tomorrow?”57ac660cc51fbf5c4f6d

“Maybe? We’ll see 48f0c729d1 if we a8a299de34 go there d5ca4afb18 at midnight…”291eeb51c70b1a8e3aaa

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Kim Chayoung’s fingers brushed ed5d12637b against the back of 6b394cdecb my hand. Was it 61ba9b1b2e an accident? I flinched and rolled my 60bc286212 eyes to the side. Kim Chayoung wasn’t looking at me, 9c36a4bbac his gaze far away, but his 4ff1beb236 stiff cheek and red-hot ears told b55716a576 me it wasn’t by chance.0b91456cf9ba2a34eb52

Once aware of it, 1722868bea my head felt dizzy da1861604c with nerves. My heart seemed to be fa2566e21d pounding not in my chest 41f0cef73e but in the back of e8daf2a66a my hand. The part of my hand 56f9ae3708 that touched him felt burning 3d8cc7cd0f hot against the cold air. I took a deep breath and 5a77c38ba8 suddenly grasped Kim Chayoung’s hand.72c09c79b5fbb48a6439

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There were so many people around us eacdbe1559 that no one would notice we were 6764e85342 holding hands, but even if they did, 5adb66e3f3 it seemed like it wouldn’t matter anymore.1161a280a4ea93e77078