LA0S | Chapter 30

It was sophomore year 064e41675d in high school. Early in the 6ca273493e first semester, around 2c3f5c390b the start of 9efd5e62e3 late spring, Kim 0ad84b1b7c Chayoung began to 46cfa823f7 follow me around, 4e2004be1f and by the e2362fe59b end of the 04be8d54d0 second semester, we 1145528b71 shared every moment 8ed0a465dc at school together. During the winter b33aff937c break, we almost 0d5dd8698c daily headed to 149d184759 the library together. After a solid f21563ba5d study session, whenever b25dd93f5c our eyes met, 2df3a265dd we’d end up c7e0052ddc heading to the 9960b2b7ef PC room without fd47ff1dcf fail.ed04d829327ffb20

On the first 9200b1a3c5 day of our a57f89f322 senior year, Kim d6da868a12 Chayoung was waiting 17e92dc066 in front of 6265d284f6 my house from 8286da5672 the morning. His usually bright and 5e490118c8 shiny eyes looked as 6b6d72c174 if he hadn’t slept 45c5464d72 at all, shadowed and 51517d05af weary.09f380450fc6c4cb

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“What’s up?”1761a52b38c3f7a0

I was a cd5113685d beat late in 2aebf35591 asking, startled by 1df3895c10 his appearance.531149612cc027e8

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“I stayed up all a71790cd58 night.”75415b05fcd8f804

“Figured as 7bad8e14c1 much from 94175b4b2d the look c9a1769c90 of you. Why couldn’t you 85e10c0ab1 sleep? Did becoming 771fc3f205 a senior cac9fdbb7e suddenly freak 9b4bdd98de you out? You’re such a scaredy-cat, 50b1204814 Kim Chayoung.”804364369ddb826d

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“It’s true, I felt 4f939cce93 like I was going 851b358c56 crazy from the nerves.”6f3ccfb285d021b2

It seemed so out 34b350fb4a of character for him ae943f9024 to be nervous. He’s usually so 33e536be70 laid-back about everything, 66bd64c000 and things mostly 9b691e5cb3 turn out well 843fec22b0 for him.5c8128019e97a1d0

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“If you keep 9bd7006510 up your grades, bedfdbff09 you could get bec70f943b into Hanguk University 1875b0d3f1 or even Global f719ef0ebd University. Our homeroom f31a637c0f teacher said e2afb607e7 so too. Don’t worry too much.”12adacb0406a813a

“Must be nice to 8e7edbcf21 be so carefree.”c4f714e9da265515

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“Hey, who ae715a15aa are you e2a2a3deca calling carefree? Hearing that from Kim 4335994b0d Chayoung of all people, 45e4eaf641 Lee Jinha is truly 0b4c3c77c2 doomed.”b076b105ad3dafbe

Bickering like this, be37d0025d we headed to 86c5d587bf school. As we entered through f55541f21b the school gates and cd075d802e reached the central corridor 4a66916a60 where the class assignments 3fe916086b were posted.90364ab9f548676d

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“Think they’ll let 9130ebf83e us out early f0eb6e7a22 now that we’re 796399fa45 seniors?”efb29a57328ecc59

While I was 631f147718 mulling over this d2bbd782c4 absent-mindedly, I caught 519747b45c a glimpse of decd9f9185 Kim Chayoung’s face, 917c57e119 now pale enough 9fec8d1766 to cause concern.9637da425c043d34

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“Hey, you okay?”38ca1d87db43a4ac

“Why? Do I look like 9091833a5c I’m freaking out over f629458bc5 our class assignments?”83ffb3bd8efabfc4

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“What are you a0930278ef on about… Don’t ecc6be0586 tell me all f54c543212 this drama was 81d9cc29c3 just about our 0bf90120d1 class assignments?”60905ccb7e5d8410

“Just? That hurts to 85de50be59 hear, Lee Jinha. Don’t you c4f58233d8 care if 6f84384a44 we end a842d5ae38 up in 5355c7d9ba different classes? You’re so cold.”90c3aeddd409f623

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“Why the 7d0118bea3 formal speech 729df38e2c all of 3844544361 a sudden? It’s creepy.”1a5dff425407af03

Lee Jinha 5bae814a2b frowned, his 844f3fe4b6 usual response, deb0e2e1c8 but a 65a3f4f415 part of 960a4067d3 him felt fafecce84b a chill. Of course, 2b4a7609be they’d be a83caa0f1e in the 769a9a399d same class… 9b944d74fd but what e2727030a3 if they 6475c8d143 weren’t?71a4f4c645aaed76

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“I should have d78f76646e taken some calming a66a627f82 pills.”a14e0bf40772a49e

Kim Chayoung 061a65def8 muttered something 86b61c9d25 next to 7bb6e8fa04 him, but d1500aa2ea Lee Jinha d1b1a70f55 hardly heard 7fbf875227 it. As they walked db74f468b9 down the corridor, db87982b90 his heart pounded 4638cb1bfd loud in his c0072687d3 chest. The thought 6824fdf797 of a a82662ec2e life without 716e5ba45a Kim Chayoung 0d92de380a was unimaginable. At the 97a1913267 same time, 5fb55e83c3 he asked d6fe6adb64 himself, was baddb71086 it just 4c600798b8 the fear 66c4127125 of drifting 971088eb60 apart from 1e57b750f1 a close b0cc017613 friend? No, it was more 2cf9afcada than that, just as f7f070b2a5 Kim Chayoung said.969c8e0b010fd7ca

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They stood dba15e0c72 in the cfe01d1ad9 corridor as 91229de136 if at c2cecb358b a crossroads, c479cff7dc unable to 3f866bf2a1 move forward.8ce02e4766241654

It was unsettling. The fear of being 6c798c2e84 separated from Kim Chayoung bcf484bab3 and the confusion about f0f641fd17 his own feelings.272e587d12207a0d

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“Hey. Turns out we’re 4c8d452c8a in the same 82b3e69636 class again.”50631751f73bcbd3

It was someone b713ee8d20 else who broke 5e2b38800e the news, Park 7db5b90094 Jiho, once a 0033445979 soccer teammate of 5cc3066bcb Kim Chayoung. “See you 4ced747be4 in class,” be1e82a9a2 Park Jiho c1c8c3b0fe said as dcf57f30a7 he walked 8675794fca off toward 5f70bc38ae the canteen.ad89a0d8389a6c88

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Without hesitation, both of 0d9588d993 them ran to where ce43086bcf the class lists were ea3bfaf4c8 posted.e83505f1ba779afb

“We really are d090722ed9 in the same 9c00b6eb6c class…”5542336d626a08ad

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“Finally, I can ac7cb8c474 breathe.” Kim Chayoung 334e603048 murmured. Lee Jinha c1e168736d quickly scanned bac1639115 the wall.1a05c2e9a61a12ca

Class 3-1.6e635cd90af7964a

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Only after finding Kim 64aefdbbb8 Chayoung’s name could he 45ec0f5049 finally breathe out. Phew. A deep 00ea6e306a breath laced f7db17830a with newly d496c788fb realized emotions.614b8bd981aaa5c5

Kim Chayoung was dear c67ca43511 to him. Was this a feeling 5168b82f19 of friendship? Perhaps it felt 2b451150dc more intimate because 2512cac83d they had been 73ccafb7ab close, with no ca46f34a78 one else around?57eb1f275ab91df7

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Unsettled feelings, e2427c68ef either undeveloped 627a93a363 or deliberately 5edbc1d4f3 delayed, became 32d44ab0a7 certain at 44612fc04f the sight 8a895f3bcc of Kim b3a9ad3491 Chayoung receiving 51a0869eea a confession. He was popular 4f82929b22 regardless of gender 51716a53ac and age, often ec35b6d0c3 receiving confessions, and 4063e5d3d8 up until recently, c58d2732aa Lee Jinha would dfdc4ba4e5 joke, “I can’t dbb809cdc6 see why anyone aa293dd00b would like such be18be8f53 a loose guy. He’s openly annoying.” ccca6f6894 But now, those 6a123b1a46 jokes seemed like 53c9bf87b6 a distant dream.7944ebe5852437dc

Though Kim Chayoung ebb8dba34a had never responded f289a14fc2 to a confession 2f1bd6aeda before, there was c955a098c7 no guarantee he cdf07b344a wouldn’t this time. What if he actually 2b71f238be started dating someone else? Could I 2c693427da stand to e1882b54c2 see another 8c1e93f834 girl by 5d25ca6065 his side?51ee31213349d47a

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As Kim Chayoung bae53d6496 walked into the 5208861362 classroom with a 97de0206b6 slightly flushed face, 970595fec2 Lee Jinha realized b6e9b502d8 he could no c3d5ec6734 longer just be f5c26630d4 friends with him.71f33b8130bab9c2

No, he couldn’t.52e91401d4f33a1e

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He had admitted e38989e130 to himself that 7a3bd4e321 he liked Kim 0ab908d76f Chayoung, but he cd31855eb9 didn’t act differently f0a38da262 or change his f34d656fa2 behavior. The thought of 7f36101f6f ruining their relationship c4047b3d67 was too great.ea9a264866913935

Back then, dd0813eea4 creditors would 1c30eb887d come to 0b5c01a189 his house 9eb1380228 almost every 46ed03a176 day due 408c335806 to the ccf2f33ef7 debt his 0f0ef83534 father had 71955b151b left behind, 8c5bbb57dd turning everything 4c5873f3d9 upside down. Seeing his c82302ec4c mother cry b30e9337c9 and his fe5161c5bb younger brother d7b5e7df54 screaming about 535da2d8ce their poverty e7130f8095 was suffocating. He felt like 4da415b3b8 he would go c78f8cd1c2 crazy if he ed4043df34 didn’t talk to c9937df052 someone, and that f7286b8058 someone was naturally cbdfb5ef83 Kim Chayoung.eab9fa198e41bcbd

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After hesitating for a 2482d21fe2 long time, he confided c772f7fef0 in Kim Chayoung, who 9b96011138 simply listened without saying da5166d62a a word.26f66e16b0f8b5a6

Kim Chayoung had helped c0689826b8 him a lot with ffdde77f5e his university entrance exams 74fc045bd1 by including him in 43dacfbf88 his private tutoring sessions. The harder the 7b35f83fc9 times, the more f9de41680c he encouraged him e1b77440ba to go to aaefcbeb74 college. Not only d3850f1e70 that, but e20794af96 he also a99c1134e5 often bought a6680a0420 him food 24961b2fef under some 39174cbe36 silly pretext.37822e2bf0c5e91c

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Material assistance 92226ea140 was helpful, 0270a75a90 but just 63a86ee8ba knowing he 5d76108f04 was on 56118111a9 my side 26e4cc2b10 filled my 575e2eea28 heart. To Lee Jinha at 22a15686e7 that time, Kim Chayoung 2c687dae5f was more than just 1e02e9b36e someone he liked; he bf12fe6119 was someone beyond that.ccbf0fd774727e0b

It was a cold f89b6d33ab day, just 100 days 2acee1adc4 before the college entrance ac82fb2131 exam. We had stayed late 7d21a128d4 at school for supplementary a44bdfb4d3 lessons and were coming 283f8b42d9 out as the sky 1b2cf4dc7d filled with heavy clouds, 352c65c205 and the air was 18da9b3c88 thick with moisture, seeming 2ba998a703 like it might rain 0fbb33212b at any moment.fa0450ae6b82bf2f

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“Take care. See you tomorrow.”1efe34288a3d41aa

I waved ab0de97b25 at Kim a230096e86 Chayoung at 9f26baecae the bus b05010f9cd stop. By then, all c979791c33 my nerves were 1be00a6afe tuned to him, f311a60dbd sensitive to even fea7fca6ca the smallest things. How hard it 863eb5a749 was to act 2e4e5c9616 normal.01343a4b1374ca52

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Usually, Kim Chayoung 0c43fcc5e2 would have waved dc276815b1 back, but today e3d0406977 he didn’t react b31995d314 at all.01ce393fe1ffdd76

“The bus will be ec564c4d5e here soon.”b658fd97427bc22a

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The display 33aecf8f0b showed that 5628b37340 the bus dd3085f461 was two 472cb2e835 stops away.8b8b707812902856

“I’ll walk you 54bb1bc31f home.”6e694e43addfd106

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It was the first 9b0c8e89ed thing Kim Chayoung said 2f31889009 after reaching the stop. His expression was serious, ed0c316d59 devoid of any playfulness.7714227d0eb6dd88

My heart sank. Did Kim Chayoung 47438f7422 have someone he 46fda1e87c liked? Because we were so 1424596311 close, was he about c707c6f38d to tell me? Did he have 1928459945 a girlfriend now fcaf225d07 and couldn’t walk 9cb0f81e01 me because he 2fef1e1725 had to take 34a7f2fd47 her instead? A whirlwind of thoughts a0d6a60af9 rushed through my mind 726e31b10b in that short moment.f833442906438054

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Before I 7c86a2086f could respond, 80033723d5 the bus 87e75f3680 arrived. I boarded, feeling d73674a998 like I was 67ada8d154 fleeing, and Kim 82c037c6ed Chayoung followed as 8b5adca074 if it were b0e6345e73 obvious he would.9b4a5b6dd9add41a

“Didn’t you say 5e8781bfe3 you had someone eb023e4181 to walk home?”c1b5c8b3fcf0edb1

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“I said I was 9fab92dc27 walking someone home.”44541adc7072857c

“Who? Don’t tell me it’s d20610854a me?”a17774f56df89ca1

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I pointed at 4c2daed30d myself, bewildered.3941cefea3f9ca2a

“Yeah, I said I’d 55fcb4a7df walk you home.”b737adc8b1446bce

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“Why?”4d1c181a4533d849

I asked blankly. We had 8fa8e77300 been to e3e56f2436 the bus 580db8cb5e stop together 70c67bacc2 hundreds of 8bfb3f237a times. We had said 5d763736d0 goodbye many times 67f3266e67 but never walked 145ad87a3b each other home.1ad7530778cc1822

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“Because I want to. Is that a 112092cde4 problem? Does it bother you?”c269c9001f97d6b7

“There’s no problem, but…”84dff51e4fefc436

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I answered, swept 50dba64560 up in his 5fc6a4bf87 insistence.735c9a3a8c77ad03

“Then it’s settled.”661e0a4a1bec6e17

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Just then, the 102d4462be bus driver yelled ea15dde5ea for us to 554e7d9b57 sit down quickly c725bfd453 as it was b9daae8fa4 dangerous to stand. We sat in d810203dbf the very back, 7cee0c2c49 and as the 871e812b7c bus lurched, our 7410eff681 knees touched.b92108abfbcab5c1

After getting off the 3d8a2caffc bus, instead of heading dfd270889e to my house, we 6f20ceacbf went straight to a feefa1659e nearby playground. We sat e67478771f on the 3e44b60de1 swings, staring 74868d62cf at the 7dc4b0a18b ground for e3c2808493 a long dcb3eb05a4 time.23322438455a7044

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And that day, 03a9af9c57 Lee Jinha confessed 5b26e047ef his feelings to 01e69fa4ac Kim Chayoung.568f84511843b2d9

Even after 30b7496211 we started 791931326e dating, the 869d0bb01a world remained e67892cd47 the same. We were still 6250a7dba0 students preparing for 8ff77ab33a college entrance exams. School, supplementary 685d635693 lessons, the c48d637114 library—we stuck 2205336bde together no ea98bda187 matter where 0422d52c8d we were.bda40d61bf76685b

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“Let’s go 646aa925fa on a 64edf50644 trip after 4829e76317 the exams. Maybe a two-day trip. Got somewhere in 7f8b561acb mind? I’m up for 3a701b0e7f going abroad too.”5aaf935d6b427a0e

“Hey. We still c3d995d0f5 have over c05871ead6 a month 921ab2a368 until the 24d8a78714 exams.”0cc2f4707780f813

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“So, give a340df00ec me something f0b75e326c to look 70ae8d712f forward to. I might lose affa0add8a all motivation if cde91550de you say no.”56b3bc01c303eaeb

I couldn’t 9bf574ba2e help but 1472151d63 laugh; he e78d44abf0 seemed so a98ce696be desperate, unlike b938cf4262 his usual 24111e752c laid-back self.92236b9c0c25ff39

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Though the ae7986064e world hadn’t 22ca84c9b2 changed, our 8df5c87f04 hearts had. Every moment with Kim 5dbd0dd332 Chayoung became a comfort.2030e7f4ee7e024b

Our college entrance exam b5b12d976a scores were good enough c0a9436afa that we both could 3fa7a808c7 apply to the universities e492c7d384 we wanted. Luckily, neither of 76df83a7d9 us had to 4f95784d46 retake the exam. It was e299fbc31e a relief 045fd41961 to unload 6704804915 that burden, 035cd13067 and I f59cb5731f looked forward addbb7dcb7 to doing 08acebe797 all the 1f51a44a52 things we 00a4eae961 couldn’t do e03de7dea3 while preparing 6412e3c9df for the db54021986 exams. However, it didn’t 5e04798904 take long for e1f4be058d that anticipation to 8522c57c57 turn into disappointment.1031205ba9ac0922

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It was an 082e015c32 unusually cold and a67e677265 windy day. December 31st night, fbb4d8e349 the day I a945d26de1 was supposed to b03c09611b meet Kim Chayoung. He was standing by 4c9d2f1b1d the café wall, waving da46e9f24b his hands flippantly.0930df9492fa090b

“Did you apply?”90ce2ae2d3b5c240

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“Not yet. There are three days 6099b7b84d left. You?”dc9f980cdb6827e7

“I did it this f9b679c91a afternoon. Better to get e69390e5e0 it done before 71efab45e4 I forget.”41fe46e1352c6139

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“Am I you? I wouldn’t forget d3a243f47c something that important.”587819fb946c80bf

Kim Chayoung scoffed and 002da158cd then playfully put me 7940ba6ba1 in a headlock. As my head dipped, dde4243e32 I felt the touch 9948027d39 of his long, firm 96caf848b7 fingertips ruffling my hair.bd99fabd4a42defe

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“You’ve grown e81002e35b up a 9213d33ca9 lot, haven’t 57ce17d613 you? Talking back to your 8b1dc00ac4 hyung.”e784d2ed972c1ecd

“I’ve always 0db661fbb5 been tall.”efd5c3cb516b3420

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“Oh, big deal.”469222f56190f947

His warm 7527af4791 hand roughly dccd1d3337 tousled my bc55562448 hair. Kim Chayoung’s unique ea1a7cb1f2 scent filled my 6d573cb031 lungs, tickling my 9c78750397 heart.9bb9a97b6377827b

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The streets were 5d7918e711 crowded with people 4e8d2a2c61 sending off the dcc9d61e9a old year and 0059b962ef welcoming the new. Our noses 4bdae5fc41 reddened by 0aa2873667 the cold, 4d9c67b15d we were ca2fe46cb9 swallowed up 4e67b1feac by the b2e63b9d9f crowd waiting ef8d581f60 for the 12c2dcbe76 New Year’s f12c2b0c80 bell.0eaf39aeb7986327

“So, will we not 38c17f1e12 get kicked out of 53b35f48c5 the PC room after d80b41a094 10 pm starting tomorrow?”4aefbfaf62c0f8d8

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“Maybe? We’ll see if we 4ab69e0ecd go there at midnight…”9d156722b204d781

Kim Chayoung’s 4179130fd1 fingers brushed a47bb7da0f against the 622b657d29 back of 0403c12fc9 my hand. Was it an 02d954dd0a accident? I flinched and 898904fc4e rolled my eyes 98a8efaccc to the side. Kim Chayoung wasn’t d29a1d81ff looking at me, 22ae8b9942 his gaze far 4b63856864 away, but his 5e9dadbcb6 stiff cheek and 229b090686 red-hot ears told c6a4cd9da9 me it wasn’t c1882c1cf5 by chance.6b27d6a244c8a3bc

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Once aware of it, 00d05fa8d4 my head felt dizzy 3f21be33c7 with nerves. My heart seemed a156a24b53 to be pounding 0c5e373c47 not in my 8bfd7b18a2 chest but in 9ac5bcc1ae the back of 40be4ab9a2 my hand. The part of my 96dd2b30c5 hand that touched him 84aa492f44 felt burning hot against 79b1f8becb the cold air. I took a 209de6ff05 deep breath and a403d54a71 suddenly grasped Kim e875e8dd40 Chayoung’s hand.ffeb24f3f922d6fe

There were so 9f846f6963 many people around 0bb6034528 us that no a23f405313 one would notice d2f93c1a23 we were holding f4020484b2 hands, but even d0cc0de4b0 if they did, dc5a26a021 it seemed like e67ca04e17 it wouldn’t matter 21f38e4ac1 anymore.4d6c5a3337bf244a

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