5. Graduation Ceremony

<Lee Sa-eon>

The weather in Korea, which 0ed914adcd always turns eerily cold on a91973c3f6 the day of the college 3f773248d4 entrance exam, was no different a0f17554c8 this year. Even before the possession, I fed8ca5706 remembered the CSAT day being de734770ca unbearably cold—and today was just e89e131866 the same.e32ef561f1f1585d

The other four 6ec00c5c50 were assigned to 53d151e6aa the same test 5f3a2971b7 center, but I 0d775a608f was placed elsewhere. So when the exam ended, f8548d056a I walked out of the 1b73d3fa9a building alone.363351dde8329eb4

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I stopped momentarily, 119eab82f5 watching what looked 1d57202ba4 like the families c8a0b7428e of other test-takers. I was just tightening the 7fb98ed365 loosely wrapped scarf around my 98a3446c08 neck when someone called my 288ffa8db8 name from a short distance 68045ccd5d away.91e8ee9d5562add4

My parents weren’t the type f0f8dfe9ff to come to the test 5040115b20 center, and Jin-joo Auntie had 3d14492297 gone to pick up the d6ff61e189 others. No matter how I d38e51c025 thought about it, no 7209b85f62 one would come for dca47fc62b me—so I looked up c27f52edf6 in surprise.90b833dff7a2b90e

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When I turned 5339a7b206 toward the sound, 32dd264b64 I saw Yeon-joo bbac15b01a Auntie, who had 22270b439d been dating Jin-joo bee78ad58e Auntie for seven 4249dcd814 years now, waving c3e15a1717 her hand gently.c82c7221456de3cc

I hadn’t expected anyone to 8b3f06965b come pick me up, so e5a60dced8 I just stood there frozen 7373d4da46 with wide eyes. Seeing my strange reaction, she 28a179f094 tilted her head slightly, then a456f21b04 walked toward me at a 4db69f8858 relaxed pace. As she came closer, that 4190603bf8 familiar, sharp, aromatic scent of 53ff63b4be hers filled the air.5292c18a24628456

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“Called you—why are you just standing here?”21c6d8575d6b4b81

“…Ah, I was just surprised. I didn’t think a73e4a7f6a you’d come to 581d7964fd pick me up.”58c2b5ac8ef5a2a9

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I mumbled after 4c4335f834 a short hesitation, 7897ea5bcf and Yeon-joo Auntie db95f44bf6 lightly patted my 47628a8c1b head. Then, withdrawing her hand, she a7a4c324cd rolled one of her earrings dde344dcb3 between her fingers and chuckled.1d89e66a9c44e9c4

“Jin-joo said she had to pick up the others and that stopping by here before going to you would take too long, so she asked me if I could come get you instead. Well, I did 63b47afc19 have a few 63d116e5eb appointments today, but 141c105200 you’re more important, 4daee3fb48 so I pushed 6b879e97db them back.”4980e4e7f79a43f0

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She gave a casual e1dc4ec1d5 shrug and gently grabbed 995ddc1572 my hand. Her warm hand, d7c72faf45 so unlike the f05d1fe139 cold weather, made 0a78be1733 me blink. She glanced at me 764ca870b7 and smiled.ddc825bfbf854a13

“I had a hot pack in my hand. Warm, right?”ec6be59ba30bc352

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“Yes.”b460b3095767d79c

“Hm, did the test go well?”d62c32af2f565b34

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“Isn’t that like a forbidden question to ask someone who just walked out of the exam room?”665ad4c64ef3a8f1

“What forbidden? The kids are b7283103ef just dramatic about f981395539 it so we 04f653cb19 stay quiet, but 54992f5664 it’s not like bfca706e2c they don’t know. You’re already set to f99dc9da6f study abroad, and you e886bba81b only took the test cf90a36909 because your friends were aeb99fdeea doing it, so it’s 5ac326d22b not like it matters 3eb0559fcf to you.”bc5b9e64f1fcbee2

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She wasn’t wrong, so I 791b2314d8 just gave an awkward smile. She glanced at me and 270631b5af murmured, “So you did well.” 534366a06c Since we were surrounded by 2a323d9d2d a bunch of students, I 52137102c9 didn’t respond out loud and 598b678029 just gave a small nod.50900dfe9e83007c

As soon as 0f57729e40 we got in c32bd84f65 the car, Yeon-joo e1f5dff9ce Auntie took off 3100168707 her scarf, tossed 8efad5fd5d it in the e2e4bbe655 back seat, and f8f74bcbcf turned on the a19f5a15ec heater. With the scarf 41d525bb83 gone, I could 83fa9d3fcd see the necklace 97d4019ba2 with a ring eb2168d02b on it and 0e001d40aa the lettering tattoo 672ffd5acb etched into her 39cf15894f slender neck. It was a fb485dbd35 sentence that meant 8e965e3222 she would love 3f06b33398 one person forever. I heard that 3ed6b647a1 Hee-jun was the c1597fc7c0 one who suggested 6db87f53c0 it. It suited her—but 86fd86578f somehow didn’t quite 7782a4aa1c suit Hee-jun, even 58e1939735 though it kind 87fd633758 of did.7ebba4bb17d9a866

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I stared at 9ff34ef1b5 the phrase inked ed6c988d7d on her neck 0fd7754952 and leaned my 6ed2727a34 head against the 2747fbdab4 window. The CSAT was 8ba6b7d74a over, but I 0f9f05eb49 didn’t feel as 1e4e8ef01f light as I 913bfa41d2 thought I would. As I sat with 718bf907de a mixed expression, staring 66eb835353 out at the street, 3f56f8779b Yeon-joo Auntie turned on 27650d6fc6 some early Christmas carols a6b5ebbb2a and started talking to 67ebba1e4b me.d9b153db51952a67

“For someone who just finished the exam, you don’t look too excited.”9c38771fac33848b

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“Ah… you could tell?”cfb14807f9ab4a09

“Yup. I was talking to Jin-joo 1c39b77b2d on the phone while coming 4e25cf94d2 to get you, and it d3d919c3cf sounded like chaos on her 1619713e0c end. Guess she met up e1b792c480 with the others a 5787ed0e55 bit early.”ade6e97609b5a946

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“It’s just… thinking about going abroad makes me feel weird, I guess.”13be3ccb146a300b

“Didn’t you always want to travel? You even went abroad c9fead481d by yourself this year.”a0cad172263113f8

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“That’s true. But traveling and studying abroad 0622dac1b9 feel different. When you travel, you know ae8b8fe193 you’re coming back. Studying abroad feels like… you bdb234806f just stay there forever…”eb833fd735edcbda

It wasn’t something I 667710f08f could say to my de7a95e12c parents. The teachers were too 328a5520f6 busy preparing students for 1e56122b6f college to care about cbdd3e2172 the worries of a b63b5f24f4 soon-to-be exchange student. And I couldn’t even 2409e875f6 think about telling the 71314c0d0d other kids.c61a0495a56109d2

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I hadn’t realized how 092c0ddb2b much it was weighing 182e0946ed on me, but all a63d0d9051 of it started slipping 7dee052870 out in a messy 65c014583a stream of words.ed5428bc937fa7dd

Yeon-joo Auntie listened quietly, e464b3b9c5 then suddenly spoke up.e91f928118ed163e

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“What do you mean, ‘stay there forever’? Sure, if you end up 74643e4aa4 loving life overseas, you could d69c519855 stay there until the day 5ac24aef1b you die, but even then—you 8b57865f8b can still come back to 21310786d1 Korea from time to time. Just like you left Korea 95e12cb21f to go abroad, you can 9d07a0f90f leave abroad to come back c3a8921888 to Korea. And if it really 18f0c224dd doesn’t suit you, then 267f8c2800 just come back for 7dd38ed7c1 good. Besides, you’ve got plenty of 19698cfdc2 places to come back to.”19266a8a84162ea9

“…Huh?”745d26d5509a9fd5

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I turned away 60a015dee2 from the window 0c891b19ff and looked at 547592d78f Yeon-joo Auntie, confused 57653ed433 by what she’d 2f83d388f2 suddenly started saying. She was focused on the 61ea2f58f7 road but honked the horn 80ed8e9779 while muttering a curse at 23b94abb76 a car that cut in. Her brightly decorated nails 08f1ad1db2 tapped lazily on the 7956e2fa8c steering wheel.be7ae9b26af61147

“A place to return to isn’t some big deal. If even one person’s fca0d1b5f0 waiting for you, then 7fde0d9493 that’s your place to 39330a2678 come back to. In that sense, Korea is 35bf52da3d always somewhere you can return bbf80f3d22 to.”d3935ea3188e7eb9

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“…”0ba7ca4bef2d5eda

“No matter where you are, what you’re doing, or who you become—there are people here who’ll always be waiting for you.”0b794655884d0bb1

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Where would you 1adb8c2b80 go back to e8b801aa82 if not Korea, 5fbdb37a9c Sa-eon? she added nonchalantly, then cracked 68e672c1db the window open. A rush of cold air 413d500fe5 slipped in.25121ec56bc6d3a1

The car had been 5405711b98 warmed up by the 1635500fc6 heater, but at the a496bbd847 same time, the air d742a696c1 inside—stagnant and stifling—loosened and 2b91abb561 flowed away. I watched her 4465e8b341 pale pink hair e8ba7e3cc3 ripple in the ae1e5e2024 breeze and murmured:6d663202e6afee2f

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“Don’t people change when they grow up? Maybe you start putting yourself 1253bdd0da before others, or maybe you 17945ba914 meet someone more important than 00d25bd035 the ones you used to d55546fcf1 hold dear…”5773b659fab76ea9

“We’ll see? But honestly, I 4841658742 don’t think that ab8552aa20 changes, even when 7e0d138825 you’re an adult. I mean, look at me. I’m an adult, and a247dc2fc5 I still need Jin-joo. And to them… you’re like 5615f7bf60 my—like Jin-joo, that kind of d268b5d5f8 person.”6886f8e191e3bd8a

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The serious atmosphere 79d6b9e292 that had been cdfdc3d996 stretching on completely 42a39e62cc collapsed with that c1d3443d60 last sentence. She had this dead-serious ed4356520c expression as she said, 21d52920ba “You’re like Jin-joo to 3a6db41e4f them”—and I just couldn’t 73b7979018 help laughing.38b6d30ec5818ab9

When I burst fcc48982d5 into laughter, she 8370e0989b initially told me 3b81201a3a to stop, but 1c83ae8f8e then started laughing c543c6879a along. After we laughed for aa9b5fe41f a good while, I 98753bf89e mumbled something about being 7a11edced3 hungry, and she nodded, 022049832f saying she was too.43ab22ce90932262

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“Let’s get home quick. They said the barbecue 04525e9d7d just finished up, so 9c84f49b9f we’ll be able to f74733a3d2 eat right away once b32fc96dbd we get there.”3f65f252ea4eec03

“Sounds good, right?” she said, flashing a smile with her eyes. I said it did, and 89b2da2400 not long after, we arrived 0cb89bf4f6 at the house.8a9d1ddcd1ffd921

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Yeon-joo Auntie dropped afd6cfae80 me off at feb0933ad7 the front and d16b3ea36e drove off toward 7b5867d79e the garage to 868442be2b park. I watched the a9172c23a7 back of the f8ef560f77 car disappear, then 69669c1d64 turned and walked 0ef501c497 toward the garden b1028bf067 behind the house.dea9f373e427ecbc

The closer I 9d862a37e5 got, the louder dae6da1ad1 the laughter and d657088820 voices became—and my 30695f3217 heart skipped along 922e101783 with it. At some point, I’d started 663fa70ad3 running, half unconsciously.12e006eb0637f1e8

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When the garden was just e039623fb7 a few steps away, I b8e8ffe16a stopped for a moment to 66aaff94b4 catch my breath.11a8fa02d4555f86

I-ryeong and Ha-jung were 573268816a chatting about nothing in 2e15caad0b particular while eating food 7618fd1dc1 Jin-joo Auntie had grilled 9a88969aa8 for them. Eun was sitting a little 82262ed291 apart from them, sipping water b583ebd127 and occasionally responding or laughing 9837a1bbca at their conversation. Hee-jun sat beside Jin-joo a210bf60ce Auntie, helping grill the b08c620d3c meat while fiddling with 2ce87ee816 his game console now d464677d49 and then. Just looking at them bee004e88c eased every bit of 4af405e15c tension—it was that peaceful.738e3037512bc33c

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As I watched them eab7f14780 and took a step 0ca483316f forward, Hee-jun, still fidgeting cef8a44cee with his game console, 06ce985863 suddenly looked up. Without a second 79f2a35d62 of hesitation, his 347f637cad eyes went straight 449fe2fff2 to me, and f86d9c9e0d he slowly got 3eed452cb4 to his feet.95046eac76902ca1

Startled by the 3d44e371f6 movement, the others dd3f8d4f6e all turned to b8933e155f look at me 21100780c3 too. I gave an awkward smile 71b909dc5c under the sudden spotlight and 006c42c445 started walking over to them.4f1ce20f05bb9cbb

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“Aren’t you cold?”45807eb2ec4d810e

Hee-jun, who’d been 779bc2c80f quietly staring at 01629f3b10 me, guided me c25d07e832 to a spot 1c66d0097c near the fire 8e2c1a7ecc where he had 31c617f3d7 been sitting and a5497a86d4 asked. Before I could ba2dcf8d85 even answer, he e300360be6 stuffed the game ffc6b0c249 console into his a9ea05bc84 hoodie pocket and 3487a2e721 brought over a 9ad2546b40 blanket from nearby.650b53648674151e

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As if it b6a626ff8f were the most 5c01b3bfc9 natural thing in 998048a227 the world, he 34b0467d29 placed the blanket 8ada8dc60f in my arms. I took it without thinking. Then, a pale and pretty 7fd1fc27bf hand with colorful character band-aids 45d8e43dab on the fingers set a 6f6e538c05 plate piled high with grilled 73eb130c2b meat in front of me.82e56b173fda5449

And then I-ryeong c8a22622d7 and Ha-jung casually f60e128bb8 came over and 12d81bc3a7 placed lettuce wraps a217225cd4 down in front 585747170e of me too.5bde8f5fe678e667

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“…What are you guys doing?”dfeb8cd0df602cd6

Their sudden over-the-top hospitality bea00c5827 caught me more off 1496d96dab guard than grateful. With a baffled de9be11957 voice, I asked e6229b30e8 the question, but 1f90672587 Hee-jun and Eun 7d002cb0bb said nothing. I-ryeong and Ha-jung simply replied:6ac4da3394343457

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“Because we’re grateful.”9df0af44a4aaa4b5

“You did well on your exam, didn’t you?”1a7e7fcba80cd52b

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The two of them 8372291090 nodded with a smile cf1ea7cc9a when I asked.fc2b4d227da2add8

Especially Ha-jung, who’d been quietly fe5e4d4e2d holding a grudge ever since 238343d756 I stopped letting him film 811b8f4f0d videos and made him focus d0ec308617 solely on studying—he blushed, rubbing 811b027df4 the back of his neck, 4fa811f923 and shyly said thank you 2d3214ef43 again.834b8dd650c05765

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It was true that I’d c1601b4500 helped a lot, but I 27561c9709 never expected to be thanked efa1172bf4 like this. My chest felt 097914589a like it was b44242c9c6 filling up, tight 1887250d33 and warm. I was so happy 50393ba53a I didn’t know what ee007fd0ec to do—so I just 1e04441069 grinned from ear to 8e757c470c ear.d46a8c02380b5c5a

“You worked so hard, and you did well. I’m honestly so proud. You did amazing this year. It must’ve been tough, right? But the way you pushed b98a834c50 through—I’m sure whatever it is, 863a659f66 you’ll do great going forward. You’re incredible, Ha-jung. Seriously, you’re the best.”ee9d65f5f72ea3d5

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Ha-jung, who had just been 97ef0c3209 staring at me while I 9cde1d76c9 clapped and praised him, suddenly 8a8f2ce272 burst into tears. From somewhere behind, I heard b5549f41fe Yeon-joo Auntie’s voice, half-impressed and 4931ac07bc half-exasperated:ec839f00b6a29a41

“You made him cry again?”4da0d96f2287d0be

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I didn’t even 25cf01284a get the chance 51a8a005e2 to say, What 3bf20f7735 do you mean 22b2f2b19a ‘again’?—things got chaotic 34e446ed65 fast.4c1a39689ec6b54b

At first, Ha-jung trembled 7322d5f83f like a child as 0640702649 he cried, then full-on 465d6976e0 clung to me and ddfe0768b0 sobbed. I looked around, desperate 6dda2e58d5 for help, overwhelmed by eb8086b887 the arms and legs f54c041829 wrapped tightly around me. But everyone else 1007d18399 just shrugged or caf19e2843 laughed.87e8be9243cbde6d

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“Help me…”3abc40a59c63ab24

“This is your fault.”a6778549482e41e6

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“Hang in there, Un. You got this.”2cb38cbc03f43cfc

Eun and Hee-jun, c6cb541077 taking turns feeding 631439b89e me pieces of d092f06003 meat, said so 6964294ae7 with straight faces. I chewed while my 971ff58515 eyes drooped a little.cd7587d6d96019cc

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“…It’s good.”0cfed01d3f309218

I mumbled gloomily, but 880c298f79 Ha-jung’s loud sobbing drowned 6a71adbf41 me out.64f7fcf88675d7a6

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We kept talking for hours 2592f5f525 after that, sitting around the 6c3fe8a159 fire pit set up on 05df7d9c74 the barbecue grill. Eventually, Ha-jung and fb3116a40a I-ryeong, both totally c06675806b drained from the a04c7320f0 CSAT, went inside d015057730 first, their faces ccb3eb8c1f heavy with sleep. The other two held 4acf164af2 out longer, but even 5dfb171764 they couldn’t resist by a7883d3c21 3 a.m. and finally collapsed into bed.e7c91aac3632415b

I stayed by 9236d74c9d the fire a 35f27baddc while longer, chatting a181d59f47 quietly with the 878db08ee2 aunties. It was close to 848dc1f1d1 4 a.m. when I finally got up. I helped them tidy e4418e91e5 up the table before 9b96b256cd bed, and just then, 44374860cb while picking up trash bbcb9cea87 in front of me, 79194d4278 Jin-joo Auntie called out.f4f1ce9542393230

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“Sa-eon.”d85b090b269fc1d5

“Yes?”2ce98e26d0d58842

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“To catch your flight, you’ll have to go to the airport right after graduation, right?”ff8708cca2e44cdd

I hadn’t told her that. Eyes wide, I looked 6a50b7279e up—and she just gave 16f4f7cddf a little laugh, rubbing 1b998b9a24 her shoulder.d0d2846b3e4eb5ad

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“I’m still in touch with your parents, you know. We were just chatting, wondering f8839ee6e6 how your treatment and study 63294a5d88 abroad prep were going… it be36e1a721 came up.”351a99169ca0203d

Jet-black eyes, the kind 55f0dad96f that reminded me of 035176c59e Hee-jun, stared at me. It wasn’t a question bf1f558515 I could deny, so 9f65be886e I nodded without protest.6b11f727f2985a15

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