INT Ch 4.3

Sunbae pushed open the door he was holding and came inside. Haewon opened the bag. He ate whatever bread he grabbed without even tasting it, devouring it hastily.

Sunbae made meaningless comments about the house being spacious and the lack of furniture making it feel empty.

Sitting on the sofa, Sunbae handed an opened bottle of milk to Haewon, who was wolfing down the bread.

“You’ll get indigestion. Have you been starving?”

“I didn’t notice because I was practicing.”

“Impressive. That level of concentration.”

Haewon mindlessly ate three pieces of bread. He drank the milk without leaving a drop. Only then did the gnawing hunger that had been clawing at his stomach subside. Sunbae, who had been quietly watching Haewon eat like a starving person, reached out to brush the crumbs from Haewon’s mouth.

“You’re thinking wrong.”

“About what?”

“You think I’m using you to pocket money on the side?”

Come to think of it, Haewon had told him never to contact him again and threatened to call his wife if he did. With Sunbae’s words, Haewon remembered their argument and his warning. He recalled there had been such an incident.

“I told you not to call me. I said I would call Joohee if you did.”

He had left many missed calls. Haewon had forgotten about the whole matter. He had been preoccupied with Hyun Woojin and had forgotten about Sunbae.

“I thought you forgave me.”

Seeing the numerous missed calls, Haewon had called him. Hungry, he had told him to bring anything to eat and come to the officetel. From Sunbae’s perspective, it would have seemed like forgiveness. Haewon couldn’t say that he had warned him and then forgotten about it.

“I meant I didn’t want to see you. Forever.”

“I’m actually in the process of an amicable divorce with Joohee.”

His charm was in the servile manner in which he hovered around guilt without crossing the line. Seeing Haewon staring blankly, he added, thinking Haewon was curious about the reason.

“It’s been a while. I was saving it to tell you in person. But then President Kim Jeonggeun contacted me suddenly.”

“……”

“You were really upset because of me, weren’t you?”

“Did you notice?”

“What? No. That’s not it. Joohee had an affair. She’s been seeing a man since before we got married.”

“……”

“Isn’t it ridiculous?”

It wasn’t ridiculous at all. He had a lover before marriage, and so did she. A man and a woman, each with a lover, got married. They divorced with their respective lovers. Their marriage seemed fair and absurd, just like Sunbae said. It was a farce.

“We’ve ended it.”

Rather than being sad about the divorce, his face looked relieved, as if he had broken free from some shackle that held him back.

Both he and Haewon had done it out of boredom. Haewon had enjoyed watching him feel guilty and uncomfortable about his lust and his constant anguish in the face of his desires.

Haewon was just like Hyun Woojin. He had never truly liked or wanted anyone. His emotions were like the black forest he and Hyun Woojin had driven through—a desolate winter forest with nothing and no sound. He was starting to develop feelings. For the man his friend who had committed suicide liked.

“So what?”

“Aren’t you happy?”

“Happy? Why would I be?”

Haewon asked him why he should be happy.

“Didn’t you want me to get divorced? You told me to tell Joohee.”

“I didn’t think you’d actually tell her. I just said anything to stop you from calling.”

“What?”

Sunbae paused, seemingly recalling that time. An awkward silence followed. He spoke quietly, proving he was an older adult than Haewon. His tone was as calm as his expression.

“It’s a shame to listen to your performances alone. I wanted to share them as much as possible. Especially with people who could give you opportunities. You said you needed money. I was trying to connect you. And, by doing that…”

“……”

“I could stay in touch with you.”

“……”

“What reason would I have to contact you?”

Once he admitted his servility, he didn’t seem as servile. His cowardice smelled human.

“I thought you’d be happy.”

“About what?”

“I thought you’d be happy if I told you I was getting divorced.”

He spoke dejectedly. As he spoke, he kept rubbing his reddened face with embarrassment. His cheeks were scraped back and forth.

“I’m not that expensive.”

“What?”

Putting his hand down, Sunbae turned to Haewon. His eyes revealed how pitiful he felt about himself.

Hyun Woojin had said he wouldn’t leave anyone Haewon met alone. Hyun Woojin needed to understand that Haewon could meet anyone. But not the man Lee Taeshin, who had died, liked.

Haewon reached out and grasped the hem of his coat. He pulled it off Sunbae’s shoulders. Stiff, he didn’t move. Only when Haewon tugged on the stuck sleeve did he lift his arm.

He unbuttoned his shirt, tugging on the buttons. The standardized face of neatness turned towards him. Haewon undid his shirt. His exposed upper body shivered slightly as goosebumps ran down his arms. Naked, Sunbae opened his mouth in dismay.

“…I’m not very good at this.”

“…”

“I’m sorry. I’ve never done this with anyone else but you.”

He meant it was his first time. Haewon grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head. Their eyes met. He awkwardly lifted his body off the sofa and moved to sit beside him. Haewon pulled Sunbae’s arm and drew him closer. As if entranced, he smoothly rose to his feet. Haewon lay down on the sofa, looking up at him as he leaned over.

Haewon unbuckled Sunbae’s belt. He unzipped the pants and slid his hand into the warm underwear. He felt the dense pubic hair. As he moved his hand lower, Sunbae’s jaw clenched. Haewon slowly stroked the half-erect penis. The flesh hardened and grew frighteningly large. The unexpected stimulation made Sunbae gasp for breath.

“Huh…!”

“Should I put it in?” Haewon asked, seeing Sunbae’s inexperience. Sunbae’s face turned bright red. Haewon whispered as he fondled the man’s responsive lower half.

“I get wet when someone… thrusts into me. I like being penetrated. Like this… roughly.”

Haewon guided Sunbae’s hand to touch him. He led Sunbae’s hand into his loose training pants, exploring deeper. His legs spread apart. Just as Hyun Woojin had said, he enjoyed spreading his legs for a man.

Sunbae hurriedly removed his own pants and underwear. His erect penis throbbed as if it might burst. He easily slid off Haewon’s lower garments. Sunbae’s pants and Haewon’s pants tangled together and fell to the floor. Their bare legs entwined.

Haewon embraced his back. He kissed him and sucked on his tongue. When he closed his eyes, he saw Hyun Woojin there. Startled, he opened his eyes and met Sunbae’s gaze, his face flushed and intense.

“Haewon, ah, Haewon…”

Haewon couldn’t admit it. He had never liked anyone. He had never desired anyone. He hadn’t known that the feeling of being attracted to someone could be so vulgar and disgusting.

His inexperienced Sunbae roughly parted Haewon’s lower body. In his haste, he spat saliva to wet the area and urgently rubbed the tip of his penis against the sensitive spot. The sensation of being rubbed made Haewon’s mind go blank.

“Ah, ah… Sunbae… uh… Sunbae.”

“Huh, Haewon. What should I do? I… I can’t hold back.”

Haewon didn’t know what he couldn’t hold back, but his voice was rough. He thrust himself into Haewon. Something large pushed in, pressing against his internal organs.

Haewon grasped his shoulders and panted. Sunbae, as if out of his mind, kissed Haewon’s bare skin anywhere he could. The epitome of neatness and gentility, he greedily licked and sucked at the flesh.

Desire is like that. Ugly, dirty, greedy. You can’t wear a mask. You can’t hide anything.

Haewon wanted this from Hyun Woojin. From the man his dead friend had a crush on.

Sunbae persistently sucked on Haewon’s chest while hurriedly thrusting below, without any rhythm. Haewon embraced his neck. The stimulation was too intense, and Sunbae ejaculated. As he came, his face contorted in regret. He resented his penis for ejaculating too soon, not wanting to leave.

They continued until his erection subsided. They did it so much that eventually, the semen became visibly thinner.

Haewon lay on the sofa, stroking Sunbae’s head as he sucked on his chest, staring blankly at the ceiling.