IBPC | Chapter 15.1

In the end, five days passed. Under the scorching sun without a drop of rain, Heegon endured and eventually collapsed. Only when Heegon lost consciousness did King Eulsa issue a decree. He was to be forgiven and should return to take care of his health.

As soon as the order was given, three or four eunuchs carried Heegon back to his quarters. As Heegon’s limp body was carried, the eunuchs and court ladies under his command surrounded him, teary-eyed. They washed his unconscious body, changed his clothes, and moved him to the annex to lay him on the bed.

They forced Heegon awake and made him drink lukewarm water several times. Heegon, unable to properly swallow the water, lay limp, regaining consciousness only to lose it again repeatedly.

It took another full two days for him to regain proper consciousness.

“……”

Today, sitting beside Heegon, who had barely managed to swallow some thin porridge before falling asleep again, Seoyul held a damp cloth. He wiped the cold sweat from Heegon’s forehead, his face troubled.

How much time had passed like that? Heegon, who had been asleep, slowly regained consciousness. After a few low groans, Heegon opened his eyes, and Seoyul watched his complexion.

“Are you feeling a bit better?”

At Seoyul’s cautious voice, Heegon turned his head towards him. He found Seoyul sitting beside him.

“How long have I been lying here?”

“Not long. You could sleep more. Or should I have some food brought?”

Seoyul withdrew the hand that had been wiping Heegon’s forehead. As he rose to call the court ladies outside, Heegon, still lying down, raised his hand. He wrapped it around Seoyul’s waist and pulled him to lie beside him.

“No, I don’t feel like it. Just stay here like this.”

Heegon’s voice was slightly weakened. Seoyul looked at Heegon, who was holding him. The position was uncomfortable and made him feel embarrassed, so he shifted a few times. But despite the hints, Heegon didn’t let go of Seoyul.

Having no choice, Seoyul had to remain in that position. He awkwardly swallowed the atmosphere while looking down at Heegon, who was almost cradled in his arms.

During that time, Heegon, holding Seoyul, slowly exhaled and spoke first.

“Have you thought about it?”

“…About what?”

“About staying by my side.”

Even though Heegon had mentioned it before. It seemed like it had been brushed off and forgotten, as if it never happened. Perhaps because he couldn’t understand the intention, he had been deliberately ignoring it.

Facing it again, Seoyul felt confused.

“I… don’t really know. Why are you doing this, Your Highness?”

“……”

“You want me by your side because you need me, and that’s all, isn’t it?”

“Isn’t that enough?”

At Heegon’s response, Seoyul pressed his lips together tightly. He looked as if he might cry.

“But I…”

Seoyul gently placed his hand on Heegon’s shoulder. He slowly clenched the fabric of his clothes with his fingertips.

“Every time you do this, I get so confused.”

The next words hesitated on Seoyul’s lips, reluctant to come out. He swallowed his hesitation repeatedly before finally continuing.

“Sometimes I resent you so much, I’m scared… yet I worry… and get excited over trivial things…”

Seoyul’s hand, clutching Heegon’s clothes, trembled.

“Even after the imprint, I still dislike you, but then I ended up having a child… And now you say you need me more than the child, asking me to stay… I really don’t understand what you want from me, why you’re doing this.”

“……”

“When you treated me so carelessly, and then you left an important place to look at me like that… just…”

His mind, unable to find direction, spilled out in tears along with the unfiltered words. Perhaps it was because he knew the truth buried deep within himself.

“I wish you wouldn’t do anything. Just leave me alone.”

His unresolved feelings eventually spilled out, unable to be digested. Seoyul didn’t know what he felt or what he wanted to say.

Seoyul covered his face with his hands, trying to hold back his tears. It was embarrassing not being able to control his trembling body.

“……”

As Seoyul’s body shook with sobs, Heegon slowly lifted his head. He released Seoyul from his embrace and sat up. Seeing Seoyul trembling with his face covered, Heegon felt a sense of despair.

It seemed like he had brought things to this point. He hadn’t been able to properly embrace Seoyul, who had left his world behind and fallen here, denying his own feelings.

Heegon reached out and pulled Seoyul into his arms. Seoyul’s body, curled up tightly, was enveloped in Heegon’s embrace for the first time in a long while. Feeling that, Heegon finally understood what he truly wanted.

“I need you. Just thinking about you not being here makes me feel like I’ll suffocate before the madness even comes. What should I do?”

“―!”

At Heegon’s whisper, Seoyul momentarily stopped sobbing. He slowly lowered the hands covering his face and clenched them into fists. Then, unable to hold back any longer, he pushed Heegon’s body away with those hands.

“So, don’t say things like this to me!”

In place of the stopped sobs, a sorrowful resentment filled the space. Seoyul looked up at Heegon, trembling.

“Why do you make it so I can’t do anything…”

Heegon caught Seoyul’s hands as he pushed him away. But he couldn’t say anything more, maintaining only silence.

Seoyul looked up at Heegon, biting his lip hard.

Tae Heegon. The man who had summoned him here, turning his world upside down, trying to possess him out of necessity, forcing an unwanted imprint.

But.

He was also the man who tried to fulfill his desires, who sometimes made his heart flutter with small gestures, who gave him gentle kisses.

Why did I end up coming here to meet a man like this?

Seoyul shook off Heegon’s grip on his hand. But Heegon didn’t respond to that. He carefully followed and caught the hand that pushed him away, not forcefully but gently. Pulling Seoyul’s hand into his embrace, Heegon wore a pained expression.

“Then tell me what you want. I’ll give you anything you desire.”

“What I want, Your Highness can’t give me.”

“Then what should I do? This is the only way I know how to show I care for you.”

“You care for me?”

At Heegon’s words, a bitter smile lingered on Seoyul’s lips.

“Just be more selfish. Like when you imprinted, keep doing whatever you want, selfishly. If you keep doing this…”

“……”

“I—”

Seoyul’s heart, unable to hold back, heated his throat and finally burst out.

“I like you.”

He had tried so hard to deny it. Despite the hurt he had received, his heart, without any pride, rose again and ran towards him.

Seoyul gripped Heegon’s hand that held him, trying to push him away with it. But even that didn’t move Heegon. Seoyul felt so sorrowful about that fact.

“I like you, Your Highness. So… it’s hard.”

“……”

“All the emotions I have for you are so overwhelming… I want to stop, all of it…”

Seoyul’s body trembled more and more. Though no more tears came, he was engulfed by uncontrollable emotions.

Heegon watched Seoyul, biting his lip slowly. A flood of guilt and self-reproach washed over him.

“I like you. I like you, Your Highness. So… it’s hard.”

This child had been facing his emotions head-on. He hadn’t tried to know, and while he turned away, Seoyul had been bearing the full brunt of it.

Heegon bent down and embraced Seoyul. He buried his face in Seoyul’s shoulder, holding him tightly. If he could, he wanted to pour all his feelings into him.

“Look at me, Yul.”

“―!”

“I’ve never loved anyone before, so I don’t know how to treat you…”

Heegon’s voice was now trembling slightly. At those words, Seoyul’s eyes, held in Heegon’s embrace, shook as if in turmoil.

Just now… Heegon…

Seoyul clutched Heegon’s clothes.

“I’ve never loved anyone before, so I don’t know how to treat you…”

Is this a lie to comfort me?

Seoyul pulled his body away from Heegon. He let go of the clothes he was holding and pushed his body away.

Then he looked up at Heegon. Their gazes met silently.

“……”

“……”

In response to his confession that he liked him, Heegon said he didn’t know how to love. Could there be a more hollow and sweet disbelief?

Seoyul’s trembling eyes captured Heegon’s eyes, which were calmly still.

Heegon’s dark eyes. In his eyes, looking at him, there was sincerity. Perhaps it was just his own fleeting desire to believe only what he wanted to believe.

No. No, Min Seoyul. Don’t be swayed by just a few words.

Seoyul tried desperately to hold onto his heart, not wanting to be dragged along. But the moment Heegon spoke again, everything turned to bubbles and slipped from his grasp.

“I love you, Yul.”

A deep, deep breath filled his chest and echoed in his ears. Seoyul, who had been holding on, crumbled so easily with that added strength.

I can’t… win. It seems my heart is no longer mine. I couldn’t hold onto it, even as I begged it not to go to him.

Seoyul raised his trembling hand and brushed Heegon’s face. Heegon lowered his gaze and covered Seoyul’s hand with his own. Seoyul frowned once, but that was all.

Seoyul stroked under Heegon’s chin and then pulled him closer. After a few moments of hesitation, he lifted his head and kissed Heegon.

It was truly… a difficult heart.

Seoyul’s breath was trembling and shaking. It wasn’t because of the kiss. It was due to the sobs he had been holding back, and Heegon hesitated to respond to it. But it wasn’t something he could endure.

Heegon parted his lips and cautiously yet gently accepted Seoyul’s tongue. As their tongues intertwined and saliva mingled, their scents seemed to blend together. They continued the urgent and deep kiss as if they would swallow even that.

It was hard to gauge how long it had been since he last felt this sensation. When was the last time he kissed Seoyul? It felt like an unusually old memory to Heegon.

Perhaps that’s why, even just lightly licking each other’s mouths sent shivers down his spine. It didn’t take long for the desire he had set aside to rear its head.

Seeing Seoyul’s emotions, who had been sobbing towards him, and yet wanting his body again made him feel pathetic. But Heegon couldn’t resist Seoyul’s skin, his breath, after so long.

There might still be more words to exchange. But Heegon set that aside and pulled Seoyul’s body closer. He lowered his head and explored Seoyul’s mouth more deeply.

Heegon’s hand wrapped around Seoyul’s waist. At the same time, Seoyul embraced Heegon’s shoulders. As a result, their breaths were swallowed even closer. The cautious movements disappeared, and they were busy biting and sucking each other’s lips.

“Haa.”