HTTRPIAO Ch 75-79

His sky blue eyes trembled unsteadily at the voice filled with sly temptation.

Etienne’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. From the moment he sensed Rishar’s pheromones, saliva pooled in his mouth as if faced with a sweet, delicious dessert.

“What do you think?”

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Rishar asked again, languidly narrowing his eyes in a seductive manner. Like a hunter waiting for the right moment, he feigned composure while waiting for Etienne’s answer.

Though his patience was wearing thin at the sight of those eyes like rippling lakes and the reddened eye area as if stained with a garden balsam dye, he had to endure for now.

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“I’ve never done it before…”

Etienne answered hesitantly in a faint voice, as if lacking confidence. Curiosity and fear about the pheromone shower rose together.

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“I’ve only received it from my parents when I was young, but this is my first time giving it to someone.”

“What? Then how…”

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“We’ll figure it out as we go, won’t we?”

No sooner had the words ended than Rishar’s scent grew even stronger. When Etienne felt the pheromones that had been lingering around his calves rise to his thighs, he instinctively pulled back. But there was nowhere to run.

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Etienne bit his lip as he felt the sofa’s armrest and cushion against his back. Trapped between Rishar and the sofa, there was no escape route.

“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”

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Rishar pulled back his pheromones toward Etienne, who couldn’t make a decision easily, as if to say it was okay. If Etienne didn’t want it, he wouldn’t do it.

“Wait.”

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When the pheromones that had been tickling his skin moved away, Etienne moved his hand without realizing it.

“…How do you do it?”

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Etienne cautiously asked while gripping Rishar’s shirt. All the pheromone control Etienne had learned until now was to avoid being discovered as an Omega. He had only learned to suppress, hide, and control them, never how to release them outward.

Though he knew the theory of pheromone showers, he had never actually done it.

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“It’s not difficult, just let them out naturally.”

Rishar smiled gently while looking at Etienne who was seeking his help. Then he wrapped his large, firm hand around the small one clutching his shirt. Rishar slowly released his pheromones so as not to startle Etienne.

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Etienne shuddered at the unfamiliar sensation felt through his hand. The refreshing pheromones, like cool seawater, seeped in little by little.

“It’s okay. Don’t resist, just accept it little by little.”

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Rishar gently soothed Etienne while applying slight pressure to prevent him from pulling his hand away.

Then he fully opened his pheromones. What had been like gentle ripples suddenly rose like a tidal wave.

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“Ah.”

Etienne’s body jerked in surprise at the pheromones rushing over him all at once. A sound, whether moan or exclamation, escaped between his lips. Fierce waves poured over his body.

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“Hnngh.”

For a moment, Etienne took a deep breath like someone underwater. His breath was suddenly caught.

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“Ha, ungh.”

Etienne let out a pained sound as the pheromones penetrated deep into his lungs.

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It felt like being submerged in the deep sea. At the same time, it felt like floating high in the sky.

What is this? What on earth is this?

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Etienne trembled, not knowing how to handle this sensation he was feeling for the first time. His head spun and his stomach churned. The ceiling tilted and the chandelier swayed. No, it was his vision that was swaying.

“Ahh…”

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Etienne swayed like being swept away by currents as his mind grew distant. Unable to endure the pheromones penetrating every corner of his body, he curled up.

Rishar embraced Etienne’s writhing body and kissed his round forehead visible through his hair.

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“It’s okay, it’s nothing scary.”

“This is, hic, strange, it’s strange, hnng.”

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I don’t know this. I’ve never experienced this before.

Etienne sobbed, frightened. His body hair stood on end and goosebumps rose at the unfamiliar sensation.

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“This can’t, be. This kind of…”

How can this be a pheromone shower? How can this possibly be a pheromone shower?

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Etienne trembled like an aspen tree as the tingling sensation continued until his skin felt numb. Then his hips jerked greatly again at another wave of pheromones penetrating his body.

“Is it too hard for you? Should we stop?”

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Rishar, who had been carefully noting every expression and reaction of Etienne’s, leaned forward and pressed close.

Etienne exhaled a sorrowful breath at the shower of small kisses meant to comfort him.

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“N-no, strange, it feels strange…”

“Strange?”

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“It feels strange, hic, because it feels good.”

Etienne answered incoherently. He didn’t even know what he was saying. It didn’t hurt. Rather, it felt good.

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But that was the problem – it felt too good. Etienne shuddered as if feeling cold. Yet his breath came out hot.

How can it feel good when I don’t like it, is this even possible? Etienne wondered with his clouded mind. Suddenly he let out an exclamation. He had realized what the sensation consuming his body was.

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This feeling of trembling limbs and tingling waist, his mind going blank and his insides growing wet – this was definitely pleasure. He was now feeling aroused by Rishar’s pheromones.

“S-stop… now…”

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Etienne whimpered while pressing his thighs together, having realized his arousal. He didn’t want his excitement in response to Rishar’s pheromones to be discovered. However, Rishar pressed even closer instead.

“Just a little more.”

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“Ungh!”

Etienne let out a short moan as Rishar’s rock hard thigh forced its way between his closed legs. His toes curled mercilessly at the knee pressing against the tender flesh of his inner thighs.

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“Haa, fuck.”

Rishar unconsciously cursed at the floral scent triggering his instincts. Etienne’s body was leaking pheromones in response to his own.

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Even flowers made of sugar can’t be sweeter than this. Rishar gritted his teeth, feeling a fierce hunger. He wanted to sink his teeth into Etienne’s nape right then. At that moment, his pheromones burst out explosively.

“Uck…!”

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Etienne gasped, his eyes flying wide open as he was completely engulfed by Rishar’s pheromones. He parted his lips like someone caught in a trap, his back going rigid.

Rishar captured those small lips that were opening silently. Then he breathed his breath into them.

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“Huu… nng.”

Etienne desperately inhaled the breath that cleared his blocked airways. His mind was as hazy as his blurred vision.

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Rishar kissed him more deeply while stroking his trembling back to help him breathe. Etienne moaned deep in his throat as his lips were sucked.

“Ri-Rishar, ha, Rishar…”

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“Yes, hyung-nim. I’m here.”

When their lips separated with a wet sound, Etienne called Rishar’s name while flailing like someone drowning.

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Rishar caught Etienne’s wandering hands in his own and with his other hand grabbed the quivering waist, pulling him up towards himself in one motion.

“Cough! Uck, uff.”

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Pulled upright by Rishar, Etienne coughed heavily and let out rough breaths. He panted heavily while sitting on Rishar’s thigh.

His whole body was drenched in sweat by now. He looked as if he had just come out of water.

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“Hyung-nim.”

Rishar raised his head and kissed the slightly trembling chin. He repeatedly pressed his lips against Etienne’s neck and shoulders like stamping seals.

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Etienne flinched each time the flesh carrying damp heat touched his skin. His body, more sensitive than usual, reacted strongly even to light contact.

“You do it too.”

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“Haa, ha, eh?”

Not understanding Rishar’s words at first, Etienne looked down at him while breathing heavily.

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Rishar reached out toward Etienne, seeing his crystal-clear water eyes now clouded with desire.

His hand delved into the sweaty hair, cupping the round back of his head and pulling it down.

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“Just like I did, shower me with your pheromones too.”

Rishar pleaded in a husky voice after kissing the corner of his eye where transparent dew had gathered. Then he gently bit the tip of his nose with his lips.

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“Hurry.”

At Rishar’s urging, Etienne hesitantly sprinkled his pheromones. The elegant floral scent, resembling its owner, gently enveloped Rishar’s face.

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“L-like this?”

“Yes, that’s right. You’re doing well.”

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Rishar smiled contentedly as he felt the pheromones shyly pouring over his face. He burrowed into Etienne’s embrace like a child seeking attention.

Rishar buried his face in his nape and took a deep breath. His reason grew hazy at the subtle and fragrant flower scent.

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“I like it, hyung-nim…”

I really like it. Rishar murmured in an ecstatic voice, intoxicated by Etienne’s scent. His pheromones, which had been quiet, rose again.

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Then, like a flower that had been curled up all night blooming in the sunlight, Etienne’s scent also grew stronger.

The moment their pheromones mixed, Rishar couldn’t hold back and pounced on Etienne.

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“Nngh!”

The intruder was both gentle and rough. Etienne let out a moan mixed with nasality as he felt the flesh exploring inside his mouth. At that moment, the delicate flower scent burst out widely.

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The large room transformed into a flower garden in an instant. Rishar made a hoarse throaty sound at the sensation of being buried in flowers.

Having momentarily lost his reason, he desperately explored Etienne’s lips. The heated breaths, sweet saliva, and sensual moans all had to be his.

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“You’re horny.”

Rishar smiled while still pressed against his lips after finally separating them. Though Etienne seemed to want to hide it, it was impossible not to know with their bodies pressed together.

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“N-no, I’m not.”

“You’re not? Really?”

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“Ah, wait, don’t, hng…”

Etienne, who had tried to deny Rishar’s words, groaned while his waist trembled as hands that had entered his shirt caressed his heated skin. Rather than shame at his excitement being discovered, his body grew hot with anticipation for the pleasure Rishar would give him.

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“What should we do? What do you want to do?”

Rishar asked while enjoying the soft sensation clinging to his palm as he pulled his head slightly back. He found the body twitching at his touch adorable.

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“I’ll do whatever you want, hyung-nim. Mn?”

Rishar once again gave the choice to Etienne. Etienne didn’t answer. Instead, he pulled Rishar’s neck close and kissed him first.

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Rishar’s eyes widened at the unexpected action before gently curving his eye corners.

He pounced like a dog given permission to eat its prey. Their bodies sank into the sofa once again.

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Etienne clung to Rishar as he felt his vision shift. He willingly surrendered his body to the rapids Rishar had created.

* * *

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“Are you very tired?”

“…Eh? Ah.”

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Sitting blankly, Etienne blinked and came to his senses at the voice touching his ear. As his blurry vision cleared, he saw Edwin looking at him with a worried expression. Only then did Etienne realize he had zoned out during their conversation, and he opened his mouth in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, just a moment…”

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“No, it seems you’re not feeling well. I’m afraid I’ve pushed you too hard.”

Edwin spoke as if he was apologizing to Etienne, who was trying to apologize to him. Then he added in a concerned voice, “We can continue our conversation another time. You should go rest. There’s no need to strain yourself.”

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“No, I’m fine.”

Etienne rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. After taking a pheromone shower with Rishar yesterday, he had been so exhausted that he fell asleep immediately, unable to have a conversation with Edwin.

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Gasping while experiencing Rishar’s pleasure, he had fallen asleep in his arms as if fainting, and when he woke up, it was already late at night.

‘The Grand Duke talked to the Emperor. Fortunately, His Majesty had nothing to say,’ Ben said, sighing heavily while looking at the new marks and bruises on Etienne’s body. He then briefly explained what had happened after Etienne fell asleep and generously applied Celodine’s special ointment.

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As soon as morning came, Etienne sent a communication to Edwin, wanting to meet him. He wanted to apologize and have the conversation they couldn’t have yesterday.

Naturally, Edwin did not refuse. After receiving his permission, Etienne ate a simple breakfast and immediately headed to the main building.

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The main building was unexpectedly quiet. It was the chamberlain who greeted Etienne. He said that Edwin had given the palace staff a vacation.

Edwin welcomed Etienne warmly. He offered him tea and wanted to discuss their future plans. Then he led him outside because the day was nice.

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So the two of them were currently drinking tea together in the pavilion by the emerald lake, which was the pride of the detached palace.

“…Are you really okay?”

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Edwin asked cautiously after hesitating for a moment. Although Etienne, a Beta, might not know, his body was currently covered in Rishar’s pheromones.

Thinking about when Etienne had come to meet him earlier made his heart sink.

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When he saw Etienne appear, covered in Rishar’s pheromones, Edwin understood why Rishar had asked all the Alphas and Omegas in the palace, including Count Maefe, to leave the detached palace.

If Etienne walked around the palace looking like this, rumors would surely spread immediately.

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“I’m fine. I was just a bit dazed because the sunlight is warm.”

Edwin looked at Etienne, who was smiling faintly, with a melancholic gaze.

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The fact that the pheromones were so thick meant there had been intimate contact. Thinking that, Rishar suddenly seemed like an outrageous thief.

Etienne’s pale complexion, his inability to focus on the conversation, and his slightly swollen lips all seemed to be the work of Rishar.

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Compassion welled up in Edwin’s eyes as he looked at Etienne. It was unpleasant to see an already sick child looking noticeably tired. At the same time, he was curious about what happened yesterday.

“Yesterday…”

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“Yes?”

“No, it’s nothing.”

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Why ask? Edwin swallowed the question that had risen to his throat.

Both Rishar and Etienne were adults. Whether they spent the night together or were in a relationship, they were past the age of being interfered with. Most importantly, he had no right to ask about this.

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After abandoning him as I pleased, what face could I have to ask now?

Edwin gave a bitter smile. Even he thought his actions were terribly shameless.

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“Father?”

Etienne called out in a tense voice when Edwin’s expression darkened.

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Edwin felt his mood sink further seeing Etienne watching his mood. Even this expression was something that would never appear between a normal father and son.

Feeling the distance between himself and Etienne again, Edwin picked up his teacup with a heartbroken expression.

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Something kept rising in his stomach, making his mouth bitter. After taking a sip of tea, he forced a smile and changed the subject.

“It’s nothing… I just thought you and Rishar seem to be getting along well.”

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“Ah.”

Etienne’s cheeks faintly reddened at Edwin’s words. Edwin looked at the blushing Etienne strangely, wondering how he knew how to make such an expression.

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Come to think of it, Etienne had rarely shown a bright expression in front of him. When he was young, he might have smiled a bit, but at some point, his smile had completely disappeared.

His expressionless face was like a withering flower, and when he saw a lifeless face that seemed more like a doll than a person, it had sometimes been uncomfortable to face him. Not knowing that he himself had made the child like this.

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“We were never on bad terms. I never disliked him. I kept my distance from Rishar because of Mother…”

Etienne’s voice gradually grew softer. Even with his unfinished words, the circumstances could be roughly guessed. Both Rishar and Etienne had been swept up in his and Leona’s ambitions.

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Edwin felt a dull ache near his stomach and tensed the corners of his lips. He had never disliked himself as much as he did lately.

“Because of the Empress… uhm.”

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Edwin couldn’t finish his sentence and fell silent. He didn’t know if he could tell Etienne that it must have been difficult.

Offering comfort now would be strange, coming from someone who had neglected the child when he was struggling, without giving medicine or support.

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“Rishar seems to care about you very much.”

“Is that so?”

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Unable to offer words of comfort, Edwin casually threw out a remark.

But Etienne reacted to his words. Edwin narrowed his eyes, looking at Etienne, whose cheeks were now more flushed than before.

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“He’s always been somewhat blindly devoted to you, but it’s gotten worse recently.”

“Haha…”

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Etienne awkwardly laughed and coughed. Edwin looked at Etienne with troubled eyes as he rubbed his reddened cheeks.

Although Rishar had been said to have been in unrequited love with Etienne for a long time, judging from Etienne’s reaction, it didn’t seem to be one-sided.

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Could something have progressed between them yesterday? Is that why Etienne is now wearing Rishar’s pheromones…

Edwin hardened his eyes at the hypothesis forming in his mind. What if the reason Etienne said he wasn’t feeling well and didn’t attend yesterday, and why he appeared today covered in Rishar’s pheromones, was exactly because of that?

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As he thought this, a chill ran through a corner of his heart. The anxiety he had been carrying since Etienne came to meet him took shape, and he felt confused.

No, nothing is certain yet. Edwin felt his throat burning and gulped down his tea. His mind was not at peace.

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Of all times.

Edwin sighed inwardly. He had thought dealing with Leona would be enough, but he had a feeling the aftermath would be more problematic. People would not look kindly upon an Alpha and Beta couple of imperial blood.

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Of course, there were Alpha-Beta or Beta-Omega couples. There were many couples who formed families and lived happily regardless of their inherent characteristics.

But such relationships always came with gossip. This was especially true in aristocratic society that valued bloodlines. Because Alphas and Betas, and Betas and Omegas, could not have children.

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The reason Omegas were revered in the empire was the same. Only Omegas could bear an Alpha’s child, so they were considered precious simply by existing.

Among them, dominant Omegas were even more special because, unlike dominant Alphas who could not impregnate Betas, they could also bear a Beta’s child.

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For imperial and noble families, continuing the family bloodline and name was a duty, and having offspring was extremely important.

Ultimately, in aristocratic society, only Beta and dominant Omega unions were recognized. Unions like Rishar and Etienne’s, between an Alpha and a Beta who could not have children, would inevitably face criticism.

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That’s why he was even more worried. If it became known that a dominant Alpha like Rishar liked Etienne, a Beta, the empire would be turned upside down.

People would certainly pressure them by discussing the duties of those with imperial blood. Could these children endure that?

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Edwin’s expression darkened like an overcast sky. The thought that Rishar and Etienne might face an unwelcome love made his heart heavy already.

“Mountains beyond mountains…”¹

“Pardon?”

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“Uhm? It’s nothing, I was just organizing my thoughts.”

Edwin curved his lips as if it was nothing. But soon he closed his mouth and fell into thought.

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The idea that Rishar and Etienne might like each other made him anxious. But for now, he had no clear solution.

If only Rishar were a dominant Omega. Then he could immediately push for their marriage under the pretext of continuing the Frederick imperial bloodline.

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Edwin paused at the sudden thought. No matter how he wanted that, it was an impossible idea.

“Hmm.”

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Thinking about Rishar as a dominant Omega, Edwin shook his head. No matter what, he couldn’t imagine Rishar as an Omega. If only Etienne were an Omega…

His gaze naturally turned to Etienne. Then he suddenly felt relieved that Etienne was a Beta.

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Since deposing the tyrannical emperor who had endangered the country, imperial law stipulated that Omegas could never ascend to the throne.

If Etienne had been an Omega, Leona would not have let him be. In the worst case, he might not have survived. She was the type who would abandon her own child without hesitation.

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“First, I understand your thoughts.”

Suppressing his complex inner feelings, Edwin spoke. The more he thought about it, the more he understood why Rishar insisted that Etienne should have power.

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Not because of the Empress, but for the sake of their future, Etienne needed to have power.

“Both Rishar’s plan and your ingenious strategy are brilliant. Especially the information you provided will be of great help in future battles.”

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“Thank you.”

Etienne gave a faint smile, recognizing Edwin’s intention to conclude the conversation. Although he was tired and somewhat disoriented, it seemed the discussion was coming to an end.

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“And, well, lastly, the method to avoid the Empress’s attention… To be honest, it’ll be difficult to completely avoid her eyes. So, I’m thinking of a method to openly assign people to you.”

“What?”

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Etienne tilted his head to the side, not understanding Edwin’s words about attaching a person. Edwin began to explain his plan to him.

“I’m planning to appoint Lady Viena of the Imperial Knights as your dedicated knight soon.”

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“Lady Viena?”

Etienne’s eyes widened at the unexpected name. Viena Mark was a knight famous for her loyalty since the time Edwin was dismissed as an illegitimate prince.

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Moreover, she boasted skills superior to most Alphas as a Beta and was currently serving as the vice-commander of the First Imperial Knights. People unanimously agreed that she would be the first Beta to become the Imperial Knights’ commander.

“Yes, I heard that Sir Porus, who was your dedicated knight a few months ago, has resigned. A replacement hasn’t been decided yet.”

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“That’s right.”

Etienne paused momentarily at the unfamiliar name but soon nodded. The name of Porus had come to mind.

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He was Etienne’s eighth dedicated knight, who had been driven away by Leona a few months ago.

That’s who he was.

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Recalling Sir Porus, Etienne smiled bitterly. It was natural that he wouldn’t remember him. Except for their first greeting, they had never had a proper conversation.

“How embarrassing… I’m only realizing now that my dedicated knights have been changing frequently.”

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“It just happened that way.”

“It seems the Empress has been manipulating things.”

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Unable to respond to the uncomfortable statement, Etienne silently sipped his tea. Edwin’s guess was correct. The frequent changes in Etienne’s knights were caused by Leona.

She would either slander or seduce his knights to drive them away. The most recently replaced Sir Porus was no exception.

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This was because, until now, Etienne’s dedicated knights had all been Alphas from the Imperial Knights. This was due to the tradition of selecting knights for direct imperial family members from those who had sworn loyalty to the imperial family.

Whenever a new dedicated knight arrived, Leona would find fault and drive them away. To her, loyal imperial knights and capable Alphas were all potential threats.

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In cases where it was difficult to find fault, she would seduce the knight with her pheromones and then demand their replacement, claiming they had improper desires toward the Empress. Already, eight knights had been driven away in such a manner.

“I should have been more careful… But this time, such a thing won’t happen. Viena is a Beta.”

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“That’s too much of an honor. Lady Viena…”

Etienne agreed with Edwin’s words but trailed off. It was overwhelming to have a skilled knight, who was set to become the next Imperial Knights’ commander, as his dedicated knight.

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“No, it must be Viena. With her, the Empress won’t easily touch you. It’s entirely my authority as emperor to decide on dedicated knights, so I have sufficient justification.”

Edwin spoke in a decisive voice. The Mark family was a prestigious house that was not inferior to the Herace family. No matter who Leona was, she could not behave carelessly with Viena, who was the next Mark Viscount and vice-commander of the First Imperial Knights.

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Moreover, given Viena’s personality, she would undoubtedly remain loyal to Etienne until the end. This meant Etienne would gain a strong backing. It would certainly help whether Leona falls from power or Rishar and Etienne’s relationship becomes known.

Having completed his calculations, Edwin opened his mouth to persuade Etienne. No matter how he thought about it, Viena was the perfect choice.

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“I’ve already explained the situation to Lady Viena. She is a knight with deep loyalty to the imperial family and strong faith, and she will be a great support to you.”

“…Understood.”

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Realizing Edwin’s firm resolve, Etienne responded as if he had no choice.

“Then communicate through Lady Viena… Chamberlain, bring that.”

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Edwin raised his hand to call the chamberlain after concluding the conversation. The chamberlain waiting at a distance approached.

“Here it is, Your Majesty.”

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Edwin received a wax-sealed envelope from the chamberlain and immediately handed it to Etienne.

“Take it.”

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“This is…”

“The letter of pardon you mentioned.”

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“Oh.”

Etienne received the envelope containing the pardon with a dazed expression. Though he had requested it, he didn’t expect to receive it so quickly.

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He thought he would receive it only after driving out Leona, so Etienne stared blankly at the pardon.

Perhaps because he had no expectations of Edwin, the gift felt unexpected, even though he had requested it himself.

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Etienne touched the envelope stamped with Emperor Frederick’s seal, not knowing what to do.

“I hope it helps you.”

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Edwin carefully spoke. He could guess Etienne’s thoughts and feelings in requesting the pardon, and his heart ached.

“It will be of great help to me. Thank you, father.”

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Etienne thanked him, holding the envelope. His gentle eyes curved, and his small lips formed a slight arc.

Edwin, seeing Etienne smile at him, momentarily held his breath. The child was smiling at him.

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“Hm… sure.”

Edwin, who had been momentarily lost in thought, exhaled softly. Seeing Etienne’s joyful expression made his chest tighten.

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He bit his lower lip, feeling his nose tingle. A hot surge welled up from deep within. At that moment, he couldn’t help but speak.

“I’m sorry, for…”

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A voice laden with deep remorse flowed between his lips. It was a wet and muffled tone, like wet paper. Etienne’s smile disappeared at Edwin’s apology.

Edwin looked down like a criminal, unable to face the child.

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“I… have done terrible things to you. My wound was too deep, and I could only see my own pain…”

Edwin spoke haltingly. Last time, Etienne had told him not to apologize. That there was no need to be sorry or apologize.

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Since that day, Edwin had regretted and regretted again. If he had been even a little more attentive, if he had acted with minimal fatherly behavior, they wouldn’t have reached this point. The thought tormented him, making it impossible to sleep.

He couldn’t forget the child’s face and voice saying he knew his place and didn’t expect his love.

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“I shouldn’t have left you like that…”

Edwin’s voice became increasingly wet. Others’ wounds are as painful as one’s own, but he hadn’t known that.

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So selfish, hurting only from his own pain, he was unaware that he was causing pain to others.

No, he knew but pretended not to. Acknowledging it would mean he was not the victim but the perpetrator.

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“I’m sorry.”

Edwin lowered his head, feeling his eyes grow warm. The child probably doesn’t want an apology, but it was all he could do.

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And if possible, he wanted to start over. Even if it seemed impossible right now, he wanted to gradually restore their broken relationship.

“I’m truly sorry.”

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Having poured out his heart, Edwin closed his eyes tightly. He had so much he wanted to say to Etienne, but the only words that came out were ‘I’m sorry.’

Edwin waited for Etienne’s response like a criminal awaiting sentencing.

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He knew the water was already spilled, but he wanted to salvage even a little. He wanted to gather the shattered pieces of the child’s heart and somehow piece them back together. But even this felt like his own selfishness, which made him feel guilty.

“…”

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Etienne said nothing. He stared at Edwin with a blank face. Then suddenly, his face contorted.

“…Father.”

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What on earth are you telling me to do now.

Etienne opened his mouth, swallowing the anger rising to his throat. His lips trembled, and his fingertips grew cold.

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“As I said before, I do not wish to receive an apology from you. Nor am I worthy of receiving one.”

“Your Highness.”

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“I want nothing from you. No, I hope my existence has no impact on you whatsoever.”

This was his complete sincerity. When Etienne realized that his very existence was a pain to Edwin, he had wanted to die.

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It was shameful that he had resented Edwin for rejecting him when he had no right to be loved.

He was wrong from the moment of his birth. Etienne truly believed this. He was disgusted by himself, who had been born feeding on Edwin’s wounds.

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Even if Edwin were to forgive and accept him, Etienne himself could no longer do so. He should never have been born.

“I understand why you are apologizing to me, and why you are saying you’re sorry. However, for both our sakes, this distance seems just right.”

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Etienne knew Edwin’s intentions. He now wanted to become a proper father and son.

But that was impossible. How could they overcome a problem they hadn’t resolved in over 20 years?

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Could Edwin truly look at him without thinking of Leona? Etienne was certain he couldn’t.

Probably, Edwin would continue to look at him and be pained, remembering Leona. Etienne didn’t want to see that.

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Above all, he could not trust Edwin. How long would his compassion and remorse last? When it became known that he was an Omega, there was no guarantee Edwin would accept him. He was more likely to feel betrayed and angry.

Just as Edwin could not fully accept him, Etienne could not fully trust him.

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“I hope you do not suffer because of me. I do not want to be someone that causes you pain or guilt.”

I’m running away, Etienne laughed as if crying. He could endure one rejection, but he could not endure a second. So it was better not to start at all.

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“It seems our conversation is over, so I will take my leave. As my stamina is poor, I need to rest a bit.”

Having finished speaking, Etienne rose from his seat as if fleeing. Edwin did not stop him.

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He stared at Etienne’s retreating back and then dropped his head like a puppet with its strings cut.

Drip, drip. A sad ripple spread over the tea that had grown cold.

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* * *

I’m about to throw up.

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Etienne quickened his pace while feeling severe nausea. He headed towards the path connecting to the annex, as if being chased by something.

He was so preoccupied that he didn’t even think about how strange people might find his seemingly normal walking. He just wanted to get as far away from Edwin as possible right now.

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“Ugh!”

As Etienne stepped onto the side path to the annex, he suddenly staggered. He urgently covered his mouth with his hand and sat down on the ground.

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After retching several times, he breathed heavily with a pale face. His stomach churned like he was bloated, and his head was dizzy.

Etienne rose using a nearby tree as support and walked unsteadily.

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If I had known this would happen, I wouldn’t have sent Ben away first. Etienne walked while breaking out in cold sweat. Soon after, he leaned against a tree again.

Hatred, anger, despair, sadness, regret, disappointment… indescribable emotions swirled in his chest.

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“Urgh.”

Etienne bit his lip hard as he felt the urge to vomit again. He was hot, and his stomach was burning. Suddenly, something hot kept rising from within.

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“Haah, haah.”

Etienne closed his eyes and took deep breaths.

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Even though all expectations and resentments should have worn away and disappeared, he couldn’t understand why his heart ached so much. Etienne closed his smarting eyes, then opened them. He just hated everything.

“…I should go back.”

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Etienne felt his vision blur as he rubbed his eyes with his sleeve. Then he staggered to his feet. He needed to return to the annex.

But before taking even a single step, he swayed significantly. A sudden, intense bout of dizziness had come over him.

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“Ah.”

He was falling.

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In an instant, Etienne lost his balance and was about to fall forward. He closed his eyes, bracing for the impact. But before that could happen, he was caught by a strong force.

“Hyung-nim!”

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A startled voice rang out simultaneously with a solid arm wrapping around his waist.

Etienne struggled to open his eyes, feeling himself being pulled close. Through his hazy, obscured vision, he saw Rishar’s panicked face. The sky was unusually clear today.

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“Rishar…?”

“Are you alright?”

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Rishar, who was holding Etienne in his arms, asked in a worried voice. His concerned gaze swept over him.

Etienne stared blankly at Rishar, who was examining his face and body. He couldn’t understand why Rishar was here.

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“How did…”

“The conversation seemed like it would be long, so I thought I might be able to help. While on my way to find you, I saw you alone…”

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Rishar didn’t finish his sentence and closed his mouth. He looked at Etienne with his brow deeply furrowed.

Etienne reflexively squinted one eye at the fingers touching near his eye.

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“…What conversation did you have with His Majesty?”

Rishar, who had wiped away the tears at the corner of his eye, asked in a suppressed voice that seemed to be holding back anger. He looked ready to confront Edwin immediately.

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“Just… about what we’ll do from now on, things like that.”

“Then why do you look like this?”

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Rishar asked with a stiff face. At his voice filled with worry and interrogation, Etienne fell silent.

The conversation with Edwin was really nothing. At least until he apologized again.

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No, in fact, it wasn’t even something to be this depressed about. He could have just acknowledged it casually and moved on, but he had unnecessarily reacted sensitively.

Etienne’s face slowly contorted. Instead of vomit, tears welled up. He burrowed into Rishar’s embrace to hide his crumbling expression.

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“Hyung-nim?”

“Just for a moment.”

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Rishar called out cautiously, taken aback by the sudden action. Etienne buried his face in Rishar’s chest, swallowing his sorrowful cry. He could no longer hold back his tears.

“Just a moment will do…”

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Etienne’s voice became slightly wet. His tears also dampened Rishar’s shirt.

Rishar clenched his molars at the sight of Etienne silently shedding tears. Suppressing his boiling anger, he held Etienne tightly.

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“It’s okay.”

A large, warm hand gently patted his trembling back. At the tender voice whispering in his ear, his wet eyes trembled, and the tears that had been precariously held back began to flow down his cheeks.

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Etienne bit his lower lip to hold back his crying. Even if he couldn’t stop the tears, he wanted to hide the sound. It was his last bit of pride. He didn’t want to show Rishar him crying.

“Everything will be fine.”

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It’s okay, it’s okay. Rishar comforted him, passing on his warmth.

Etienne closed his eyes, listening to the voice that consoled him. He felt the fragrance, laden with the blueness of the sky and the freshness of the sea, envelop him as if protecting him.

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“…I’m showing you a pathetic sight.”

After a while, Etienne murmured in a hoarse voice. His throat felt sore from consistently holding back sound.

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Having swallowed his small sobs, he tilted his head back. Then he paused when he saw Rishar’s shirt, wet with his tears.

“Sorry.”

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Etienne apologized with an embarrassed expression after seeing the mark he had left. As his emotions settled and reason returned, he saw what he had done. Foolishly, he had cried uncontrollably in front of Rishar.

“I shouldn’t have done this…”

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No matter how overwhelming his emotions were, crying in front of Rishar was inappropriate.

Etienne’s head gradually lowered. He felt ashamed for showing Rishar such an unseemly sight.

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“Don’t apologize.”

Rishar reached out to Etienne, who had lowered his head like a withered flower. His cool hand touched the heated area around his eyes. He gently caressed the tear-stained area with his index finger.

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Etienne blinked slowly, feeling the touch that cooled his heat.

“It’s not something you need to apologize for. In fact, I’m glad you relied on me.”

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Rishar slightly lifted Etienne’s chin and smiled reassuringly.

He tilted his head with a tender and soft smile. His lips, warm with heat, touched the corner of his eye.

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“Hm.”

Etienne shrugged his shoulders as he felt firm flesh graze his eye area.

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Rishar, who had licked away Etienne’s tears with his tongue, lightly smacked his lips. The hot tears touching the tip of his tongue were salty yet sweet.

“Do you feel a bit better?”

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Rishar cupped his wet cheek with his palm and brought his forehead close to Etienne’s round forehead, matching their gazes.

“…Yes.”

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“What a relief.”

With a glad tone, lips touched the other corner of his eye. For a moment, Etienne felt tears welling up again.

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He thought he had poured everything out, but no. Like water about to overflow from a cup, his vision was blurring.

Are you aware of how much of a comfort you are to me?

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Feeling his vision blur, Etienne put strength into the edge of his trembling lips. Tears were rising again.

Suddenly, Etienne reached out to Rishar, grabbing his nape and pulling him closer. Then he kissed him.

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Rishar’s eyes widened at Etienne’s lips approaching first.

Etienne didn’t stop there and pushed his tongue into Rishar’s mouth. Moist breath and faint sobs flowed into Rishar. At that moment, Rishar strongly embraced Etienne.

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“Mmm.”

Etienne trembled, feeling the heat penetrating between his lips. The tender intruder, as always, took everything from Etienne. And he liked that. He could hide his sorrowful tears, his heavy breath, and his silent scream.

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“Haah…”

Etienne cried while kissing Rishar, letting out sobs between breaths. Moans and tears mixed, and their tongues and saliva intertwined. As he felt a sensation of melting, his leg strength gradually weakened.

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Feeling the strength drain from Etienne’s body, Rishar lifted him up while holding him.

“Ah!”

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A moan burst out in the momentary gap between separated lips. But it was soon swallowed by the lips covering it.

“…Wrap your legs around my waist.”

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Rishar, who had bitten his lower lip, whispered in an urgent voice.

Etienne followed Rishar’s instruction and wrapped his legs around his waist. Immediately, their lips deeply meshed.

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“Ha, huh.”

When the rough tree bark touched his back, Etienne flinched and shrugged his shoulders, clinging to the strong, robust body supporting him.

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The two bodies merged into one disappeared among the dense bushes. Only the sound of swaying trees remained in the humid, lingering heat.

* * *

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“What did you do to Etienne hyung-nim?”

Edwin, who had been drinking alone on the balcony, frowned at Rishar, who had come directly to confront him.

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Edwin put down his wine glass on the table, unable to hide his displeasure.

“What nonsense are you talking about?”

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“Wouldn’t Your Majesty know better about what I’m talking about?”

Rishar responded without being intimidated by Edwin’s rebuke. Edwin’s expression darkened sharply.

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Normally, he would have let Rishar’s rudeness slide, but not today.

“You’ve become quite disrespectful lately.”

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“I apologize. I’m not in the right mind to be courteous right now.”

Rishar bowed slightly at Edwin’s reproach. It was an apology that contained not a hint of remorse.

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“Why? What did the prince say?”

“No. Hyung-nim didn’t say anything. That’s why I came to find Your Majesty.”

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Rishar answered curtly and sat in the chair opposite. He had just managed to take Etienne back to the annex.

“What exactly happened?”

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Rishar asked with a cold expression. Etienne had not revealed until the end what had occurred with Edwin.

Rishar didn’t ask further. How could he, seeing Etienne’s face that looked like it would burst into tears at the slightest touch?

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Remembering Etienne’s face, like a flower drenched in a sudden shower, with no energy at all, Rishar gripped the armrest tightly.

In his heart, he wanted to grab Edwin’s collar right away and ask what he had done, but not being able to do so made him irritated.

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“This is none of your business.”

Edwin said firmly. He didn’t want to discuss the topic of Rishar and Etienne. Rishar’s brow furrowed when Edwin refused to continue the conversation.

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“Your Majesty.”

“Enough. This is between the two of us. And since we’re talking about it, what exactly did you do to the Prince?”

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Remembering Rishar’s scent on Etienne’s body, Edwin’s gaze became sharp. Rishar, unfaced by Edwin’s piercing look, countered.

“Me? I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what Your Majesty is talking about.”

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“What do you mean you don’t know! You’ve completely covered the Prince with your pheromones. Someone who doesn’t know would think it was the Prince’s own scent!”

“Oh, that.”

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Only then did Rishar understand what Edwin was talking, and a smile spread across his lips. Edwin frowned deeply seeing Rishar not being flustered but rather looking proud.

“You did such a dangerous thing to a child who couldn’t endure your pheromones and went into shock…”

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“Dangerous? I merely cooperated when the Prince’s doctor asked for help.”

“What?”

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“The doctor said that the reason His Highness went into pheromone shock was because he wasn’t familiar with a dominant Alpha’s pheromones,” Rishar replied brazenly. He had already coordinated with Celodine in case something like this might happen.

“When I asked the doctor how to prevent such an incident from recurring, he said His Highness would be fine if he became accustomed to my pheromones. That exposure would make him less susceptible to other Alphas’ pheromones.”

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“And you call this treatment? A pheromone shower?”

“It’s close to treatment. I didn’t know the Prince’s doctor was so conscientious. It’s not easy to ask me to do something that might anger the Empress.”

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“Hmm.”

Edwin let out a small sigh at Rishar’s words. He had heard that pheromone showers could be used for treatment, but this was the first time he’d actually seen it.

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“In any case, His Highness agreed to this. Don’t misunderstand, this was done with permission.”

“But if others see…”

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Edwin trailed off. The words about how people might misunderstand them as lovers were stuck in his throat. But he couldn’t bring himself to say it. He was afraid that by saying it, he might actually confirm something between them.

“Everyone in the detached palace right now is a Beta, so it’s fine.”

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“Whew.”

Edwin sighed and pressed his temples at Rishar’s nonchalant attitude. He couldn’t decide whether to praise his thoroughness or scold him for being careless.

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“From now on, when you do a pheromone shower… erase the traces so people won’t notice.”

“Yes, I will.”

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Rishar answered obediently. Yesterday, he couldn’t get rid of the pheromones because Etienne had fallen asleep. He himself was also a bit disoriented.

Seeing Etienne emit his pheromones was enjoyable, but he didn’t want others besides Edwin to sense his pheromones on him. Rishar suppressed his regret and spoke.

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“So, what happened between you and His Highness today?”

“How persistent, I told you this is none of your business!”

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Edwin shouted at Rishar, who wouldn’t stop pursuing the matter. But Rishar didn’t back down from Edwin’s anger. Instead, he raised his own voice.

“How can I not care when hyung-nim was crying?”

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“What?”

Taken by surprise, Edwin’s eyes widened. His drunkenness disappeared like he’d been doused with cold water. His face turning pale, he asked in a trembling voice, “What did you just say? The Prince cried?”

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Rishar just closed his mouth. He didn’t want to say again that Etienne had cried.

Realizing Rishar’s silence meant confirmation, Edwin muttered in a deflated voice, “He cried…”

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Rishar unbuttoned the top of his shirt nervously while listening to Edwin’s murmur. The image of Etienne crying in his arms was still vivid. The sobs flowing into his mouth.

A person who doesn’t know how to cry out loud.

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Thinking of Etienne, Rishar’s face darkened like twilight descending. Throughout his crying, which was so intense it made his eyes sore, he never made a sound.

Always like this. Even as a child, Etienne always cried with his eyes, never with his mouth. He had realized too young that crying out loud was useless.

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The child who didn’t know how to cry became an adult who wanted to hide his crying. Today, Etienne had kissed him first because he couldn’t hold back his tears.

Rishar responded to the kiss, knowing this. Because Etienne wanted to hide his tears and conceal his crying, he wanted to swallow everything as Etienne desired.

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“So please tell me. What did you say to His Highness?”

“I…”

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Edwin’s complexion turned pale as he moved his lips. Like someone confessing a crime in court, he stammered on.

“There was no other purpose. I just wanted to apologize. I wanted to tell him I was sorry…”

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“Ha.”

Rishar let out a scornful laugh. He had somewhat expected this, but hearing it directly from Edwin made his anger surge. He looked at Edwin with an incredulous expression.

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“Don’t you think it’s too late for an apology?”

“…”

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“I don’t understand. You’ve been avoiding him all this time, so why now? Are you feeling guilty all of the sudden?”

“…It’s like I’m not allowed to feel sorry towards the Prince.”

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“No, it is allowed. It’s commendable that you’ve finally realized your own fault.”

Clap, clap. Rishar sarcastically applauded. His attitude showed no respect or reverence for the ruler of the empire. He was that angry.

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All because of someone like this.

Rishar felt his insides burning and ground his teeth. He had thought it before, but this person was truly selfish and weak. The thought that Etienne had to cry because of someone like this made him furiously angry.

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“It’s good that Your Majesty has decided to apologize, but you were too hasty. Who would accept an apology from a father who until just a few months ago didn’t even treat them like a human being?”

Unable to refute, Edwin’s head dropped. Rishar’s words were correct. No matter how he thought about it, he had been too hasty.

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“And Your Majesty has neglected and abandoned Etienne for 23 years. And now you’re sulking because he didn’t accept your apology?”

This was what infuriated Rishar the most. How many times had Edwin actually apologized to Etienne? Certainly not 23 times.

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After countless rejections of Etienne, after never accepting his heart, seeing him dejected after being refused just a few times made his anger boil over.

“I know I was wrong. Just because my wound is deep doesn’t mean I should have rejected that child. As an adult, as his father, my actions were inappropriate. So now, at least…”

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“Now, what exactly do you want to do? No. Whatever you’re thinking is just Your Majesty’s selfishness. Unless that’s what His Highness wants.”

Rishar cut him off mercilessly. His eyes, sharp as icicles, coldly stared at Edwin.

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“I’m asking because I don’t know the exact situation. Have you actually said that you want to restore your relationship with His Highness? If not, then Your Majesty’s actions are just another form of violence.”

Edwin gasped as if pierced by Rishar’s words. They struck him like a sharp blade to the heart.

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“Answer me. Has His Highness ever said he wants to have a normal father-son relationship with you?”

Naturally, Edwin couldn’t refute Rishar’s words. As Rishar said, Etienne had never expressed a desire to have a normal father-son relationship. Instead, he preferred maintaining the current distance.

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He knew this, yet he had been greedy. Wanting to seek forgiveness for his own mistakes, wanting to compensate somehow for an irreversible past.

“If you’re truly sorry, carry that guilt for the rest of your life. Don’t try to shed it.”

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Rishar spat out the words. While he thought he should be patient, he couldn’t help himself.

Rishar, too, wanted Edwin to truly look at Etienne.

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But for that to happen, Etienne’s wounds needed to heal first. Restoring their relationship was only possible if Etienne’s heart—tattered over 23 years—could recover.

Deep down, he wanted Edwin to be rejected just as many years as Etienne was. He wanted Edwin to experience the same loneliness, pain, despair, and hurt that Etienne had endured.

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“I apologize for speaking so rudely. If you want to punish me, I’ll gladly accept it. But I’m saying this for the sake of Your Majesty and His Highness.”

Rishar stood and knelt on one knee before Edwin, pleading earnestly in a posture of asking for forgiveness.

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“Your Majesty has already troubled His Highness enough. I beg you. Please don’t hurt him anymore.”

Edwin couldn’t say anything in response to Rishar’s heartfelt plea, which was filled with compassion for Etienne. He stared at Rishar with a face as rigid as someone who had forgotten how to breathe. The unseen specter of past sins was strangling him.

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Hah. A heavy sigh escaped from between his slightly parted lips. Edwin covered his face with both hands and bowed his head. Crushed by belated regret, he could no longer lift his head.

* * *

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“It’s quite noisy outside.”

Ben, who had opened the window for ventilation, surveyed the bustling main building and spoke. Despite the sun having set, the building was as bright as midday. Etienne glanced briefly out the window before returning his gaze to his book.

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“The Empress is returning to the palace tomorrow.”

Ben rolled his eyes at Etienne’s indifferent attitude, showing no interest in whether Edwin would return or not. Since returning from his conversation with the Emperor, he had been in this state for days.

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