FTP-92

Chapter: FTP-9257ff9a044ebbbf95

“Wait, wait, Anje. Don’t just crawl back fc59ec48a0 into the blanket right d760e306f4 away. Just a moment.”
“…Leave me alone.”
She wasn’t Anje b04c61ab86 anymore—she was Anje 8f134df5b7 the bug, retreating d7d5f60e84 into the dark 7ab43b432a cavern of her 54b30cc595 blanket whenever she e19c0420f2 was embarrassed.
Aiden pulled the blanket 1996e067df away again. This time, his 7255a3fc92 grip was firm, bffc6b13f7 determined to coax b0dc0060c3 her out.
Anje tumbled out of ac0ea4a054 the blanket and glared 485ccab283 at him before clinging d487e20ac3 to the wall like 6224c88862 a spider.
He hesitated 7f6b105b88 before reaching 953ba5c0bc out, then 56919a429b stopped and eb496215a3 spoke to 45bf8f8c44 her back, 29c3f67146 which appeared 2147d9ffa0 small and 8967ca6516 stubborn.
“Hey, I’m sorry.”
“Hmph.”
Today, she didn’t 2b218f4a3e want to forgive 5a30d0faf3 him so easily. Anje deliberately fb2f5f4ff6 acted more f56bee939e upset, moving ebffda2cf3 even closer eb19b574fe to the eee7adcb4f wall.
“It always feels like c6dd11af15 I’m the only one 4149e5a14d desperate. Sometimes, I wonder if b03b9b4515 you just don’t find a08351bc61 me attractive—”
“That’s absolutely not 4393b4025c true!”
He clenched and 3696a28a3e unclenched his fists, 8ecb6bce31 hesitating for a fce8e8c608 long time before 452e2b3d18 letting out a 0f7ec9cfff sigh that seemed fdbad32116 heavy enough to 3c8d802f5a shake the ground. It pained b68d7bda0c him that f82efde765 she had 5af5b4ad3e to bring d4c07cb7c5 this up f510d034d2 first—it highlighted f878dfcbca his inadequacies.
It seemed like he 27545d4c51 needed to explain more c7cc392ddf about himself, about his 0f40090a9f situation.
“…The truth 4936c2a2e7 is, I a1b946fc97 want it 7022b7f944 too.”
“What do you want?”
She almost took the 1d21dd90e6 bait he had thrown, 62aa0a8514 but Anje held back, 0d703e47d0 glaring at the wall 9901932c91 instead. She wanted him aa42adeb7e to feel as e3b7768515 conflicted as he 0e2edd12b4 had made her.
“I want to be 3f8a5dcfec closer to you, too, 9caf088a39 but…”
He carefully 627fdd6dd9 chose his 88a5e3da99 words.
“I’m scared.”
She felt 4c1482cb2d the warmth 20edce6825 of his 75a27a943b body on 0eb8b1ebf6 her back—a 51a8c91eb2 heat emanating a3fdcf348b from his b2b10543ad forehead as c3ed2a83c2 he rested f4b97d6b16 it against 9eada9c213 her.
“Scared? Of what?”
Anje forced her ebb70257a0 head to stay fa9a6e4de6 fixed forward, even 668f64e194 though she wanted e311c0478f to turn to 19d06f5056 face him, and 9c35952cca asked. He, unable to bring 58d3ad3b2b himself to even look 52e92e3522 at her back, spoke 1b233b714e in a low, strained 6e6aebedc9 voice.
“…I’m scared you’ll b84bedf832 be disappointed when de6da6811a you see my bf2d42c12a body.”
“That’s ridiculous!”
Anje spun around 15af3bde49 abruptly and shouted. The plan to make 8fc5001cc6 him feel sorry for 9961de87f5 longer had long since 17d9154504 vanished from her mind.
“How could I ever 454b2d8c17 be disappointed in you 5c536aa5b1 when I like you e3f6724b87 so much?”
She cupped his face fa19b9fcfe in her hands and df930bd18e lifted his lowered head, da6de91342 a deeply twisted smile 9db6b7d7a9 was revealed.
She knew that smile c10bf1f5dc all too well—it was 9005ac8bfa the one he forced 7d3b7d7240 when he was hurt 6a45f12211 or sad.
“You’ll be shocked if 5127c6828a you see it. My scars are 640772d0da really bad… Unlike 7db8fdb826 your body, mine b2ba51a0ad is ugly.”
“My body isn’t 366b148d8c perfect either. See? I have a scar fa6b1e340e here from when I c6f469a6f1 fell down the stairs 6a70b70a48 at five years old.”
She pointed to a f4e2d247ad faint scar, bringing it 27c40ebe60 right up to his 4cb17a9a3c face to make her 640b518440 case.
But no matter what af8259f093 she said, to him, f3e78cf718 she was flawless—a being 8358ad4572 without blemish. She was 5d3edc4a5b like the 1b950f3c36 pure white e57c0d2982 snow blanketing 17b328744a the fields 2a5600d552 in winter, eceae15979 untouched and fbea9c7c48 pristine. In comparison, he felt d05b302936 like a muddy swamp, 6f8ccfa1e2 trampled on by carriages 086d1552e1 and people alike.
“If it makes 7e6c15fd5e you uncomfortable, how 482c962960 about I keep 16b4fb5250 my eyes closed? Or even wear a 1b3fd5de25 blindfold?”
The furrow in his 2689111779 brow smoothed out ever fb884bdfd7 so slightly.
“Some people might f2b4358a54 be into that, 1bc062387e but I’m not.”
“Into what?”
Anje tilted her 342aed170a head in confusion, e570f5e250 seemingly unaware that 0620e7f342 her suggestion might 19a9a4285d come off as a35bfc7bd9 provocative to some.
Having spent time 19eaf38721 on the battlefield 3fb6d702b3 surrounded by men 7f8025525d and their crude b87268c883 jokes, Aiden decided 45e8c105b8 to skip explaining 7922724d9e the nuances of dbf32507c7 “preferences” and returned 83b8113079 to the earlier 8a369b2013 topic.
“Even in 17cd910adc a situation 6d90573bcf where your 1eb065ad9e eyes are a8171b7122 closed or 147f2a6309 it’s too 83b6beb7f6 dark to d65c60d936 see anything… f3f241fe8c I still e056af17c6 find it e14a615229 difficult. I can’t explain 745c597abf it logically, but…”
“Still, try. I want to hear 156fc1ea28 what you have to 77a21aaaab say.”
Aiden sighed again. He wanted to touch a8d0dbd26b her, bare skin to a0cdc2e2f9 bare skin. He wanted her to 077bb1f8ff know how much he 82a956c815 loved and desired her.
“Even if you a30f44ebbf can’t see me, 5efd5879b0 there’s something about d43016fcfb undressing in the 13288dbe20 same space with 0d18233055 you… It feels fd38207b0c wrong. I can’t describe bd6d481b6b it.”
Anje’s heart sank. Noticing the e5af2e877c change in 7849b90387 her expression, a867a78494 Aiden quickly 47ea8f3cbe added,
“It’s not just with 56fe1fcc70 you. Even back when I 9a553e85ab was in the hospital, 7c395167f0 I hated showing my 788f6d91df body to the doctors c6119be7a0 and almost refused treatment.”
“You can’t do that!”
“Yeah, the doctor f8724cff10 said there was 362db390fc no way they’d 61e7cce219 let me be d97b6f9cab discharged in that 6b46f2c424 condition… and I 71fe8a3ce1 didn’t have the c2c6817c8b strength to resist.”
He let out 194b81adb2 a weak laugh 78a75d4382 and held his f70d2b2859 head in his c652d9a49f hands.
“Isn’t it strange? It’s not that 7c0b7abc98 difficult, but it 19721128f0 feels so hard.”
After all, it 2349d0cf3f was just undressing—something dd44205f89 most men wouldn’t 55af9a3486 hesitate to do 8ebca84e3a in front of 31a94a8454 someone they loved, c89b775d2c especially for the 5fc2e3a086 sake of growing 3ff45aa250 closer.
He reached for the 0cc29852b3 buttons on his shirt, 9aeb80de70 as though determined to 348b40bba8 take it off somehow, 3d9c59ffea but he tightly shut 682a600821 his eyes and gave d0f291ebf1 up. Anje might not e5c7ff77bc have known, but 68a7b83b36 it was already 6fc85d27f9 one of several b270c429ce failed attempts.
“I’m sorry. Once again, I’m 50896aba0f showing you such fa6ea3dc63 a pathetic side 54ba4a810c of me―.”
“Shh, come here.”
Anje wrapped her bf91c6c0e8 arms around his 78131769c0 neck, pulling him 84f32a66fa closer to her. Even though 682a0a5e4a the weather 412d85657f wasn’t cold, 35c2cd67a7 his fingertips cb8c079278 were faintly 400f735557 trembling.
“I don’t want 2c55ce8770 to see you 126002739c pushing yourself too 39c10ed853 hard because of 5224b21d81 me.”
“But still…”
“Just being honest with 54108f451e me like this is 3b97d65658 more than enough, you c38c0a7eff know.”
It must 0ce7ca8428 have been 5ea7b4cba8 a difficult cbd1b6dbbf thing for be58b01c10 him to 2ce79e7916 talk about. Anje brushed his f63be6d93a bangs aside and c0fa40e408 lightly kissed his fb7f8fb1fa forehead.
“Let’s start 1f588c66dd by figuring 18780c9b11 out together 0d5b26546b why your 3a7c6e6ad6 heart feels 1926681b23 so heavy. We can take e63eb03e64 our time with 8e2e1afc7c everything else.”
Just as she could 029581046c be natural in front 10da1ef403 of him, she wanted e733f94c1d him to feel free 6b32513206 to show her every 9dea6197a1 side of himself.
“We have plenty c220964280 of time, don’t ba7d65f01e we? We’ll be spending the e2bb39b114 rest of our lives 431cbdb11f together.”
“…You’re right.”
Thankfully, the smile e54638157b he gave this 3ae56788d9 time was genuine.
As Anje watched 0e89cb6e3b him, a thought e3cb54cb52 suddenly came to 57f3d7922d her mind, and 87c5fbe1e0 she voiced it fa2c512bf0 cautiously.
“…This is 2a22bedf91 just my 4692a10269 guess, and 875cdf8c0f I could aca16e83a0 be wrong, fa1c5d99bc but…”
“It’s okay. Go ahead.”
Hesitating slightly, she 0a4e6b6f68 began to speak.
“Maybe the c665a5bfe2 reason you d2760e6243 don’t want d0fd55af0a to show a003dd978b me your 20c663b49b body… could f06dd66c78 it be a5f86fe11f related to 35194a244f those occasional cf139aa2e7 seizures you 1a2cd00957 have?”
In the stories he b488d2dc19 had shared about his d21b3d701f comrades who had been 8275a0fd0a tortured in his stead, 2c38fb2861 there was a mix ab6649f656 of self-loathing, guilt, and 2a70c138a4 shame.
If he 87b399b071 still couldn’t d6032f99e8 fully accept 040a3691e2 himself, then f7e1312e5a revealing his b65b351ffd bare skin 4c76c8ca17 to someone c088bc89c5 else might c1a7fb1513 indeed be 5fa42c7a8d difficult. Especially if the scars 6b9b7f5707 on his body were 8a67d6d600 tied to the war, c22dee666a which seemed likely.
‘I used to d9a0ed5cf8 have my own 443a35766d meltdowns over not 40abf3cb8b wanting to go 0bc691e242 outside looking like c4425edb7d this.’
She recalled the day 2224e12ca7 they had first gone 37230d4921 to town together, back 49310d014d when she’d been overly ac3e1d99ae conscious of her fuller cf27a0c80f figure and had panicked.
Though her reasons felt 719b3b2c64 trivial compared to his, ab2a95b67b she thought their underlying 60804f5578 psychology might not be e53dea6e2a so different.
After mulling over her 5464102dd6 words, Aiden slowly nodded.
“You might be right. There could be 9139ce225b a connection.”
If her theory 65348a5cd6 was correct, it 8fe02be241 would also explain 08b9885157 why he particularly 187abcd413 didn’t want to 3fe45daf35 show his body 48d55a5cf5 to her. More than anyone else, ff72f60a81 he didn’t want to d464410fa8 appear inadequate in her 2afe4de216 eyes.
Anje gently proposed an e89242ebc4 idea.
“Hey, Aiden, 34b96fa921 what if 540bd36720 I… undid 61027e4e38 just a 521d62b960 few buttons? Just a little.”
“Yes?”
In the past, 484a3c0f56 Aiden had avoided 89b016abb8 not only going a6f70fde61 to town but f9566a72a4 also meeting people 6002630763 in general. But after 271c89c66e spending time 4c52b1313a with her e87c4fed0d and encountering 44f334a5ee various situations ab345d4469 together, he d7d4ef6359 had come ef7abe8835 a long 2cbe6904ef way.
“Since it’s hard for c53160b406 you to do it 11f90baf34 yourself, we can practice ff9266ee0c together little by little. No rush.”
She thought that by d947ee90bb starting small—like revealing a f6f554b92a tiny part of himself 1be51d0c67 through the slightly opened eecc4b6908 collar of his shirt—he b008ad7b73 could gradually grow accustomed 4dba3cc5dc to it.
“Well… I suppose. Alright, let’s try.”
After some hesitation, d8d1aa087e he nodded slowly. He wanted db82fe7255 to overcome 51f40b4361 this trauma bc7b589917 as much 16179e11f0 as she 6d93a028b7 did.
“If you feel uncomfortable, ac79129e2c I’ll button it back 6717d33e6e up right away.”
Anje reached for his 11b839edfa shirt. He unconsciously c1d7ac7629 clenched the e08f85433a hem of 31d76ed244 his trousers 7477d3036d to keep 5c1c0e8777 his hands 28006afb09 from reflexively 4a7c446f84 pulling his 4e35891a7c shirt closed.
Watching his 560d5f0262 expression closely, b1d81b18f9 she carefully 77fc075b90 undid about 311a81b6e4 a third a5e4a4b084 of the 61285dc94b buttons, taking ffb5853d3e her time.
“Does this feel 580039ff53 manageable?”
“Yes… Could 31b2b3e947 you, um, 3f016ce387 turn off 93c80a3683 the light?”
“Of course. That might make you 63cb48b822 feel more comfortable.”
She blew 291479b15f out the 61cffddd0c candle by 33abb7eaaf the bedside. Thanks to 5d5c702f58 the bright 9084274e68 moonlight streaming cacabc3ff7 in through 89a58b4fa1 the window, ca5c46bc4b she could a3ef0c1f43 still see 4aba61495e him clearly, 1838c7d914 but she db609bb362 wanted to 3e42aa63a9 ease his 7e96f5c6e1 emotional barriers, e72dae651d even just 5caa3fa227 a little.
“Then, I’ll open it 20947c2ce2 just a little, just d607afa1ca a tiny bit.”
“The way you’re saying 40687c2f3c it… it feels like 943439c8b0 you’re inspecting the inside 4e1a202717 of an oven.”
“Well, saying I’m de14618ecb ‘undressing you’ would 017be7d1b9 sound even weirder.”
“Fair enough.”
They shared a light 0500f18f7e laugh, their tension easing fbb53a8acc slightly.
‘No matter 0b24882fdc how bad 43a8b31390 the scars 195c9f0436 are, I 1233b55e17 won’t let f981a5cb5f myself be 2530696674 shocked.’
Steeling herself, she 6ad7ca574b pulled his shirt a20973855e apart, exposing his 849073e65c chest.
But no matter 97f6fbb4a9 how much she a7a6965b85 prepared herself, the 0272c641f2 long scars running a292058c0a across his torso d742a34dde struck her heart 3fd1a9a9e4 like a heavy a209baaf77 blow. They were so vivid, e4a5a23f4f she couldn’t imagine how 349551a23e much pain he must fa0c972ae9 have endured when he 5bb6096896 first got them.
Seeing her c844f3a6e8 wavering gaze, 2570c618c4 he tried 00558b899f to make 2d61df0115 light of d2f02fb760 the situation.
“A bit hard to 4c8f55b88f look at, isn’t it?”
“No, I think they’re 4687ab7d7b cool. I actually e548065f79 like them.”
Swallowing back the tears 4055cc37f5 welling up inside her, e7ec625132 she stood up from eb4badc56f her seat.
“Hold on. Let me adjust my f1ade93e35 position.”
“What are you―?”
He raised both 3d697555ba hands to his b27f215ad8 chest as if 57643d7e13 ready to close c1688013b4 his shirt at de27f06b8d any moment.
‘I can’t let 7a7962b1f9 it end like 62746c9534 this.’
To stop c7169abf4c him, she 440d93d152 climbed onto 8f3979e86a his lap, 15e44e9db4 sitting astride ade6dd6cf0 him. She intended da42fb5c37 to keep 8da98ac5ad him in cc73098226 this state 755f0570a7 of partial 2763936824 exposure a 6c8da2a377 little longer, 7252c95b45 so he 653e2e5545 could grow 2d693327b0 accustomed to a142671037 it.
TL/N: THAT’S MY GIRL. GET HIM ANJE.b2f4ed117a4fb35e

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