ESS Ch 0

“Nana.”582615684ac120b6

When my 098317cec9 name is e84953181d called, I 68b3a0c8ff react like dd5c300aaa a dog.9b190e90889662e4

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The name isn’t important. What’s important is the fact that it’s you calling me.b66689a8193089d3

You, Remington.f874fdf5d29a6c65

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I lift my head 6016ca5f73 and see him, a 217b7d6e4a champagne glass in hand, 3cba1c25ad grinning. Remington, as always, is d88ced7c0e seated with impressive, elegant 0dce8d8aaa posture, surrounded by a 391da6b612 throng of people.97dcf3f2bd057e56

The center of gravity always tilts towards you. Following Remington’s gaze, everyone at the party is looking at me. I can’t breathe.6b886d6c5af3af0f

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“Come closer.”559034117cb97405

He beckons me affectionately. I put down the book I was reading and approach him. It’s irresistible.0d960f56a1f4ccdb

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“What is it?”6f528cf618ed18c9

“Everyone wants to 595317fb47 see you.”753ad7b80c50def0

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Remington smiles, 9291e473bd wrapping an b114cbb62e arm around bfb0e958bf my waist d6245d1d36 as I 4f1dee8059 stand before 6db4ff7276 him. He looks 2dcdce1818 around at 8c5c6658f2 the crowd c65c17f6e6 with a e529e512f8 proud expression. His eyes c13c5d08a7 seem to e13ac1b698 be saying:0953b6a5958e1e11

‘See? She comes when I 5adea91f23 call.’27b43d2ba8c94b10

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Remington pulls my ee9636bb09 wrist and seats a73a8734a0 me on his 7a31a6a4d3 lap. My body sways sharply, a8b2f807e8 but he handles me f2346330f1 carelessly, like a broken 58995a7ff0 doll. He presses down bd71b1252c on my unsteady 477df06d20 shoulders, pinning me 0a93454df4 in place as ff9adfd415 he presents me 0470ea14ba to everyone.3f8872d2cd1feddd

“Everyone, this 8ce0c265df is the b5705420e3 Dana Roderson d3e8f2f54b you’ve all aa0283a375 been waiting de105e8933 for.”eab70d6248c1f700

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His tone 80b6d25d88 is like f830a7ee0c he’s introducing 9f0bf4c8f6 an item b780b42093 up for 518f104e89 auction. The mischievous 666ef477e7 boys whistle fa22b3f0ab and applaud. A wave d59b918c9b of humiliation cacf6caad7 washes over 91f74bcd56 me, but 7ed3fae51b I don’t b2e55052ff want to 1d200e2069 defy him f2e2ded3af here. I can’t defy him.28a90dcd0a18e3b8

“Have you c296900c11 been drinking 43b71a9115 a lot?”b5e6aaf8d56ab09c

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I whisper worriedly in Remington’s ear. But as if he hasn’t even heard me, he ignores me and tightens his grip on my shoulder.475bbe495b7f4be7

“Why does 39a11f662a everyone think dbfe5be2d0 you’re so aa86cd8c48 prickly? You’re so 90778c1731 kind and 0a53312272 gentle.”c0571b567237ed7d

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“Ugh, it hurts…”a95a167d0b6e5ced

“Answer me, Nana. Why does 91766d1516 everyone misunderstand 84708eb01a you so 3538b8e0c5 much?”07b7790d69af4853

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Remington, still ffdd87cb01 holding me 61715efdad captive, uses 5f6208b206 his other b1b6f37723 large hand fe18b85efd to stroke b26ac23b22 my head.81b5814dd3875d40

I feel the men’s gazes intensify in an instant. Those idiots, whose only interest is how to tame a woman, are looking at Remington with awe and at me with insidious eyes.6561d193f4c2f4b9

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Sticky gazes exchanged without 0743478d82 a word. Imagining the dirty thoughts 46041d55a6 lurking within them makes 4c7bacc4aa me want to scream, 3aa958bb22 but I keep my 7e3ace771b mouth shut and endure. I will act as 875f19bb7c he wants. Kind and gentle.15c3381a00edbbb2

“Everyone’s feeling b091b8c501 a bit c6c23f5343 left out 7ac6d68a59 because you 070a47b5eb come to 77cdb67dd5 parties and f12d8524c2 just read 3632952cc7 your book. You rarely give anyone a079d6b3a8 a chance to get 0e358646dd to know you.”5cd4331103da7a14

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“…Sorry.”c1e09ae05c53903b

“You should say 48d03116cd thank you in 5a9026d3e9 situations like this. They want to d1e1701423 be friends with a29941acdc you.”05325e2cf26497ac

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“…Mm. Thank you.”793b88176a6d3c78

Even after I d474c27f4e give him the afc9cedcc4 response he wants, e32f9875cf Remington still looks 3a9b1ebf8a displeased.a7afac711e880c3c

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“You should say thank b333066a91 you with a smile.”3b4a28fe7f7efd2c

The hand on 2540fd1bb5 my shoulder slides 349ad44739 like a snake, 88be1d44bf coming to rest 2121fbf2fb on my cheek. Remington lightly pinches 8fe660e673 my frozen cheek 2a87d9f934 and smiles.40e9a557e6d597a3

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“Hmm? Smile.”7a22e35aa1f563a4

“Now?”e1411aea42e7ed3c

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My lips 5532235c7f tremble with 6bc571827b embarrassment.7f0e9a0c836b6959

But Remington 8fe87d4ebd pretends not 239790348c to notice.64d29266333a51d1

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“Do it for Eddie, 1cb6513ec5 who says he masturbates 48a8f58950 thinking about you every 466eca416e night. Show him your smile.”7b6fd90a38cf8d81

I stare at Remington.d5704aef641086d8

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But before I 638e51253b can tell him 89722f0edf to stop, my cdcc981bb2 jaw is caught fc6dd0e7f2 in his large 475a7b0cef hand, and my 9914f609ab head is forcibly d33ebf4ba0 turned towards Eddie.ffa6c5915a157179

“You don’t know who he is, do you? This is Eddie. Say hello, Eddie. This is Dana Roderson. Even prettier in person, isn’t she?”cbdc1eb44d303b25

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“Hi, Roderson. Nice to meet 2812f7cb93 you.”4777a92897756ce2

Eddie greets me 09c802b7cd with a look 775a2e5b7c of interest. He seems 582d3e47ed completely oblivious cec56e532f to the bd7b506c66 fact that 2926d610a8 I’m being 3f5a007842 held captive eabbaa65e0 by Remington.1adc64c9b31e5334

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Kind. Gentle.67a4dd8ad84c69c4

Fighting back tears, 9f039a9c36 I manage to 67e13207e0 force the corners 9e6799984e of my lips 04637ca173 upwards.d3614da03a4b8f20

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“…Hi. Nice to 99c97f25cc meet you.”4fbcec5fee76fbd3

The moment a6548cc155 I utter 6cd24b2696 those words, aa451280e8 the hand a409635545 gripping my 58b7f98cb1 jaw loosens. As his hand falls cc9f44089b away, tension drains from 129aa68344 my body as if abc7c726f3 I’ve been released from 3172d95225 a long captivity. My pent-up 1ddf8fc2f2 breath escapes 52efdb97d3 in a e6762c282d rush.b3b8c0c455ecab71

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“Skilled, Nana. You made three 5385a8916d dicks hard with 9351fe5174 just one smile.”640894676a40e123

Remington chuckles, pointing at 8111ed56f1 the boys’ crotches. They laugh 7b22ac29a1 along with 70df916270 him, miming 12d054dd63 jerking off c29da641a4 motions in 3da08eeab4 the air. Some even e860de49a9 lick their 5c04c2f067 lips at 140f5b09fb me like 8b5fbb37d2 animals, as 7da429a048 if ready d20b1d31e5 to pounce c29078d479 the moment 2481b04f01 Remington gives f08b07a7c4 them permission.a9d0f96f2d03e3ec

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My head spins. The humiliation crawling 6fdfcf7519 over me like f1410af9e4 insects makes me 9ce46fc9f6 want to claw b4dc1d6608 at my skin. I move the hand 5e9381ce78 gripping my skirt under cb4fe76607 the sleeve of my 9b8784f82d blouse and pinch and bdae5904cc scratch the flesh near 800136d50a my wrist. As a 768a02a63f sharp pain 900f3f94df registers, Remington 964bd4bc93 gently takes b9d29f1846 my hand 00f5881aa9 in his.eb236f22f223d604

“Shall we 0f68073f51 go somewhere c200211a2f quieter?”6f5b005214aefcda

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As he leads me 17e16053e7 away by the hand, 6f9f086f4a excited cheers erupt from 47a2ffe0b6 the boys behind us. Some clap, some 8bfaa76b85 whistle derisively, while e60e508bd9 others openly express 751098d42a their envy.e942aa160450ab5c

Like a 9f8e8143e4 seasoned politician 606a929977 unfazed by f35a2e6868 a barrage a5387f60f7 of filth, 3f304657b5 Remington walks 98d27c7e39 forward without 32684844cc flinching. I stare blankly at a7dc5e3be4 his hand holding mine, fbf1ba76ac being dragged along like ab7b441187 a child.007ff790cb6f2c2f

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He leads me into f317be4b26 a bedroom on the afd0aaea88 second floor and locks 5739f13b55 the door. Only then does ece0a4f917 the noise fade 7c2511a073 and silence descend. Remington leans 8345fa0722 me against bfad3a0574 the wall 444ad4bfff and gently 47f46b98d3 takes my c4b33cffa4 wrist.7b2a796888b6050c

“Don’t scratch. You’ll hurt yourself.”12ffec9be31bdd27

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Only then do I 0e1fec5154 slowly raise my head. I’m desperate 2cccb6190b to see 48248b2c7d his face. The face that, 0a0031a2aa after subjecting me 0fb737c36a to such horrific d967a9d767 humiliation, must surely d19a857ee2 be a ruin 596f2e8e51 itself.6390f169774ecef4

Remington softly 193057edcd rubs my 394cc982de reddened wrist 0943bb85a9 with his 8534d627f9 fingertips and 37657aeba8 whispers to 805d150f39 me.cd40e29307f7e91e

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“Dani, are 39c3c47bed you okay?”d34b876059cc4c98

His words seem to 89d203d924 be asking:bc6db91c7f58c6ad

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‘You idiot, do you 18a1b6de11 still like me after 09bce518dc all this?’74f449f1e7844d14

I nod dumbly. Tears well up in 8b043c8f2f my eyes. A bitter 9ee6b1ddfd smirk plays a87af9e8d1 on Remington’s 1dbe393e24 lips, and 4a0b0c0b76 I rise 6e26be29ed up on 2b24423ce0 tiptoe and 5a44e7d139 kiss him. I like kissing ad69ae1ca8 him because I 41387a2fe3 don’t have to 44c574428e see his expression f5186c54ca then.0644229db15775a9

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That hateful, contemptuous f330eabe52 expression.4ef40371ec41749d

The sex that night c3704a137b is sweet and painful. Remington calls me 2ef645928e “Dani” like he 9696e5d1eb used to, and d3725c0a3b I like the 18b91f7ba1 sound of it. His body b87338459a ravages me efa8bea445 fiercely, and ae47aefec7 I like 0581cf9ef4 even that 5a66ae8357 brutal touch d6ab39c527 that seems 6432f50b80 to want d41250c1ef to break 7e773a1188 me.158302582abfd2d7

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If it means 76a3011f8d I can be 34639c0704 loved again, I 7c8a70eb3c will kneel beneath 2c773b8007 him again and 1b14ddae05 again. No matter how much 883336ba2c it hurts, no matter f5781ad528 how broken I become.0b2d9e03099246f6

But that night, f977c2726d despite the languor 1757952739 left by the f338db68f2 afterglow of our 3b09ff7f32 lovemaking, I can’t 9aaa8fcc6e sleep. My mind, 73b2d85926 strangely, becomes 2722557d23 increasingly clear.ceb7c5afd2ceba0f

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The thought, “This isn’t 30dc5ee579 right,” swells inside me 5f71cd010d like a puff of 90f1ab3d86 cotton. This isn’t 56721e33fb right, this a389f466f0 isn’t right, 9e1b579757 this, this, b1dfc55080 this….5a97fe93d4680b38

Finally, I jump out 1e32817100 of bed and run 8ce6a585a1 out of the room. The crowd that 1ea5dea21e had filled the 31ed94ea52 space so boisterously c7f32c9997 just hours before af3fe92553 is gone, leaving 95745dbde3 only a cold d493edf58f silence in the 72867cdf2f vast mansion.4442932fdeaf9e2d

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I run without direction. Until the vast 34d0e44b8e ocean stretches before 43609de846 me under the 078fb82d1a black sky.e63681ea42521abe

“Ha… ha…”e739da64dfcf6c40

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I clutch the 114c37cce3 railing, gasping for 2468a4cc4b breath. The cold eebbc48e1d air of 10a3bdbb27 the dawn 99d7804a43 sea penetrates 20b735967a my lungs, 2174d5ef7e and my 56b64c1634 throat feels d1dc977965 like it’s e7f7c4b4c3 tearing with 25b5b75a6f each intake ef816cd7ec of breath.03f48795404f0efe

I don’t 32f00f6fe5 know why 88b46e59e6 I jumped 323dd72137 out of ed7feecd47 bed in a9fe95d373 the middle cc843427d6 of the efc694ee36 night and d9860597f6 ran all 6d707c5631 the way ac34426166 to the 897474979e sea. I just thought I 24dfe9d1f7 needed to breathe.611d56b08779ad22

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To breathe, eec85a0a2f to take 46c2b3862e a very 838cc7f002 deep breath.4e96ac5d7ac33d54

Where did it all b1493f94a6 go wrong? The tangled threads 7827feb4ee make it impossible 5217a2a8dc to discern their 8c3c280198 original form. Misfortune, by ce8e593565 its nature, 22259bb0d4 obscures its 3e4fb5c387 beginnings.b4d246c3b6dae5b5

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Just as 2b05d0f60f I take 491e99de0f a deep cb0c38feed breath, my ccbc924c82 phone rings, 7ec8424ff3 piercing through b084ae3f3c the sound e6a64bca2b of the d2c4561ce5 waves.9b73f5f41b6cdcd1

Did you do ad50a29a66 it?6cefad915a53f21d

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After reading the 7a0d681ffb message, I shove 4d8bca646d the trembling phone f962ea56c0 back into my 0e090e45a8 coat pocket. Calls and messages 0ecf29b892 continue to pour 549136f8aa in.ad448a0a27f298ee

Black, unpleasant faa53a538c things fill 7a8d94c1cb me up dc646758af inside like 2a945ded0f mold. I want to 63bf7b4fc1 vomit. My body demands it.10fa06f6c56d660f

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Stumbling, I grip the 3e2c5f43d1 railing.811b70c5cdd8c604

I scream d87ddddd14 with all 3f645c3485 my might afb1663bba towards the 1b44fd5982 black sea.a8cf035f436f0f51

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But all around is 291062d85b silent.a4afd3fcae3f4afd

As if no one c9ddfc35e8 had ever screamed at f24800be27 all.4e73dd66f60d161e

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＊＊＊dce93251bc20e210

Dear Daniel,45e8736fcac2c5d7

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I hope this 1eb4ed0f96 letter reaches you 86727baa19 safely. But I e74645edff don’t know 604f00b3f1 what to cadf938d1e write or 673a4ed509 where to 93c6c52255 begin.f6b86c785adbfd14

I don’t want to think about the sins I’ve committed. Instead, I want to talk about the terrible screams I’ve heard.7596679285edfba3

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About the incessant ghosts, 883b02b68c each screaming their own 92b838751f screams, unheard by anyone.876ba6d24ba51c3d

Remington Howard.90873dbb500da241

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This is 422fe874e8 his story.6be5f22edc0c3783

Remington Howard, 6a1befc34f called “Howard” 7edd9045cd by some, 9aac69220f “Remi” or 99a9b8f2dd “Rem” affectionately 74c669598b by others.cab249a0a117c6d7

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But to 8abeb4110c me, he 7cf231908b is simply 0bc0ab590a Remington.1a18be0f4e36d954

It’s been c8dc95f132 a long 850513268b time since 73678a2f71 I started 6b1b3c3efe liking him.750f786cce5a0e82

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Remington often boasts, 5b0faa0dcf “You fell in bea80937ed love with me 75a9f6fa51 at first sight,” 72753402c3 but I can 5c137798a2 tell you that’s 7556a2e713 not true. Every time 0e06fee5f7 Remington spouts 5e56e4009b such nonsense, e556ede508 I realize 73a587020d how clueless 45eb4255b1 he is d235091fc4 about himself.c7b8652c63f752fd

He clearly doesn’t know what an annoying person he was in high school. No sane girl, no matter how handsome he was, would fall in love at first sight with a boy so capricious, arrogant, and inscrutably shady.cc267cc3ebe3d05b

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I was no different. I swear, be27696b56 I had 632b0bc6ed no desire 2f61895345 to get 2b120aa48c close to 7a79e780a3 Remington. Even though everyone else fe2721f97c in school was dying 3b920201d2 to befriend him.032efbd6f5bc42be

I was 14ed3907eb just… a 4f5a749829 little bothered cd0f22db0c by him. I never 5f401b1793 imagined that a5f20f4b25 such a 9b8141c1c1 small annoyance 95be789a1e would lead f60ece2ede to such 8cde75d3a1 a great 828b89834b downfall…649710e3e4075d06

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